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Betrayal wasn’t a strong enough word to describe what was happening. Deception wasn’t a strong enough word for what was done. Disloyalty wasn’t even strong enough.
No word is strong enough to describe the feelings of what was going down on this battle field.
“You told me you loved me. Was that a lie too?” I challenged with a hiss of venom. Hot molten tears threatening to spill. My lover has the gall to look broken hearted.
“I never lied about loving you. That was the one true thing about us.” He tries to justify himself. I think it was just to make himself feel better. Like he didn’t use me for his own gain.
“We can still be together, my love. You can join me in the fight of freedom.” I scoff as he reaches his hand out towards me. Trying to get me to get closer.
The same hand that threw a knife at my head just minutes prior. The same scarred hand that killed the people that lay on the dirt of our battle field. The same calloused hand that used to touch and caress me softly at night.
Those silky hands that looked rough but were soft at the touch. The hands that showed me every form of love. That showed me pleasure. Showed me mercy. Showed me warmth.
“Please, don’t ‘my love’ me. If i was truly your love you wouldn’t have done what you did. This is betrayal i could never forgive you for.” I wailed out. A single tear breaks through and slides down my face, down my neck, and into my collar bone.
“Baby,” he says in that sultry smooth voice he knows gets me, “i’m doing this for you.” He vouched with a small smile. “For us.” He finishes.
And it’s such a shame that i want so desperately to crawl back into those arms i used to feel so safe in. To crawl back into the arms that i cried in. That cradled me to sleep. That squeezed me just tight enough to let me know he was there to ground me.
This isn’t the man i fell in love with, however. That man is gone. He never existed. But, the man i thought i knew is in the monster’s light purple galaxies. Oh, i’m so happy my heart is no longer here to bleed again.
“You used me. You broke your promises.” The promises he made in my bed as he held me against his chest. My night terrors having gotten the best of me.
“You used me like everyone else did.” I growled out in anger and sadness. A strange acidic mix of the two emotions.
“I don’t know if the man i fell in love with even truly existed.” I sobbed out with hatred clear in my voice. More tears falling as i clamp harder around my injured arm. The knife from which, my heart’s, hands threw at me. I can feel the blood start drying around my fingers. Sticking them together to my sleeve.
“No. No- i would never! I just- i wanted us to be happy! This is for us!” He denied and pleaded. Those eyes i used to get lost in are glassy. His face screams desperation. Desperation i refuse to satiate.
“You’re a liar! If this was for us then why did you kill so many innocent people! If you loved me then why did you hurt me!” I couldn’t help but scream back in pure desperation. Desperate for answers to all the questions running its course in my mind.
My heart shattering more as i remember the person lying closest to me on the ground, Naomi Satsuki. Her daughters birthday is tomorrow. She will never see her baby girl again. That was a mother trying to make the city safer for her baby. He took that away. He took away a child’s mother.
“You’re being difficult!” He yells back in annoyance as he pulls a knife from his hip. Gripping it so tightly that his fingers turn white.
“Then kill me. Kill me like you killed these people. Bleed me like you bled my heart.” I softly responded. My tears stopping from my sheer anger.
There’s no point in crying in a situation like this. I doubt i’ll be making it home tonight.
And honestly? I’d rather not go back home to my quiet and now empty apartment if i can. A place that holds the false memories me and my lover shared in those walls? It’s bound to break me again. If he doesn’t kill me then i’ll just to do it myself.
“I refuse to. You will be with me! Together we can rearrange society! We can rule together! My love, my heart, my gem! Come to me.” He pleads once more.
Finally a tear is shed from his eyes. Running down his sharp features. Maybe his love for me was real. But the person he made himself to be was who i fell for. Not him.
Never him.
“I fell in love with the mask you put up in order to deceive me. Not you.” Drawing my own knife out as i let the vitriol soak from my vocal cords into my words. This man no longer was worthy of my words. His betrayal has killed us.
I throw my black army knife. He dodges swiftly as if it was nothing. Rushing at him i pull another knife out of my holster and we clash. Dancing together in a strange duet.
He blocks my attempt at a stab aimed at his shoulder. I kick his side just as he shoves me back.
“Don’t do this. Please, baby, don’t.” He croaks out once more. But i ignore it as i swipe my leg under his own, knocking him down.
I crawl on top of him and start to swing. Trying to punch his face as hard as i can. He continues to block as only a few of my hits land. He then lands his own punch across the right side of my face forcing me off him from the sheer strength.
He crawls on to me just as i had did him and begins to try and restrain me. Trying to grasp onto my hands. My hands that kept clawing and hitting my way.
He manages to wrestle both into one of his own. His other hand trails down my face wiping my tears. And for just a second i let him. For one second i let out a sob and just feel his warmth. That second is gone. There shouldn’t have ever been a second.
As i slam my head into his own he groans and loosens his hold just enough for me to yank my hands free. I shove him off of me and i take a few steps back just to wipe my face clean. To wipe his trailing warmth away.
It never leaves.
He growls and pulls out another knife just as he springs right back up, effortlessly. “Don’t make me do this.” Begging yet again. But there’s no going back.
I will either win for my fallen comrades or i’ll die along side them. Like the soldier i am. Like the protector i am.
I decide to respond. “I’d rather lay to rest for eternity here then go along with you and ruin innocent lives. Just end me.” There’s no use in trying to get me to join him. I refuse.
The love i once held for him is no longer a burning flame. He put me out. Now parts of me float off in the smoke. I guess i’m a candle now. How funny.
His face scrunched up in anger and he runs at me. I block his first blow. Not the second. I wasn’t fast enough to notice him have another knife in his other hand.
His face pales in horror as i stare into his purple eyes. My stomach feels wet and warm. Slowly looking down, my eyes land on his knife, that he still clenches, plunged inside of me. I slowly and shakily look back up and into his eyes.
Searching for something. Searching for anything.
I find it. It’s fear, guilt, and pure love.
His eyes scream fear. “No…” He trails off. My already bleeding arm, and now my leaking stomach, cause my eye sight to start to swim.
I taste the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. Forcing me to spit it up as it fills too much. A few small spatters land on his face. It causes him to flinch and drop the other knife i was still blocking. Just as gravity begins to take me down with it.
He catches me. Holding me close. “No..no no no no no.” He whispers softly. His voice cracking. Not hiding his pain and terror. We both slowly drop to the floor. He holds me tighter.
“No no no. I’m so sorry, baby. Please hey don’t close your eyes.” He pleads and begins to rock us. I’m starting to feel so tired.
What time is it?
I grab his hand that begins to caress my face. These will be my final moments. It’s too late for me. I just know it.
I think i’m late for school, Kacchan will be so angry.
I come back to. Just for a few seconds.
“You weren’t worth the boiling rivers i’ve shed.” I stutter and push out between the gurgling blood flowing out of my esophagus and out of my mouth.
“You aren’t even worth my last breaths.” I whisper softly as my voice begins to die. Turning into a soft slurred mush of letters. As the world behind this man begins to darken and blur together. Just as my life had been before he came.
“Yet here i am.” I mumbled as i tiredly use all my remaining strength to gently hold his face. His tears drip onto my face. Warm and mixing with my own tears. Mixing with my blood.
“Giving you it all, as i lay to die.” I wipe at a cascading tear of his. Smearing my own blood that had landed on his pristine and pale skin. His cheeks are pink. His eyes are blood shot.
“As you kill me.” I whisper softly. Smiling the smile that was only reserved for him in the walls of our home. He shakes his head once more begging me to stay awake. But that is hard to do when your world is swimming. And you feel so tired.
I look behind him and see a white light begin to appear. A bright light that calls to me. I think it’s too late for me.
I glance once more at my lovers face. “I’ll forever love you.” I confess in a honey dripping voice. That was and will forever be only for his ears.
I can barely hear his pleas anymore. The water over my head is too thick for it to filter through to my ears. I feel my hand, that once held my angel’s face, drop.
Im just so tired. I should try to sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow for work.
Where am i? Why is Toshi crying?
Don’t i have school tomorrow?
What am i doing? Where is my mom?
Hm. Maybe i should go back to sleep.
Dreams sure are weird.
I feel so cold.
I watch as my emeralds eyes go cold. As they lose their shine. The shine that i loved to see.
What have i done? I’ve just killed him. I just killed the love of my life.
I held him tighter as i screamed out into the world. All my emotions over flowing leaking over the dam that i had built in order to protect myself.
This war took away my baby. This society took him away. I will kill for him. I will kill myself for him. I will do it all for him.
No. He can’t and will not die. I refuse to allow that. I love him too much to let go. He’s not meant to go yet. I will do whatever i can to bring him back.
Which is why i now stand in front of a large tube. Staring at the naked clone of my lover, floating in the thick formula, connected to wires and more tubes, that are keeping him alive.
He will be mine again. I will get to hold him in my arms again. Our separation should have never happened.
Doctor Garaki speaks excitedly, “he will have all of his memories even up to when he died. But he will be brand new. He will be alive.” I can’t help but smile at the Doctors words.
I walk up to the tube and i place my hand over the glass. “Good.” I fished out happily. He won’t be allowed to leave me again.
I won’t lose him again. We will burn this world together. Even if he doesn’t want it. Because that’s what’s best for him.
And i’ll be damned if i let Izuku out of my grasp again. My sweet angel Izuku.
You are all mine.