Work Text:
Danny unlocked his front door for the first time since his trip to visit friends on the east coast. There’s a note on the front door...something about his roommate not being back for a while. Danny discards the note. His vacation was over and he had to get back into the rhythm of things. He had to unpack and get back to work. But first he was going to watch netflix and order a pizza.
He crashes on the couch and sprawls across it parallel the television. He shifts around while considering his options and has a tough time getting comfortable. He tries fluffing the pillow and lying in a million different positions. Finally, he gets frustrated and stands up. What the fuck. He never had this much trouble relaxing. Scanning the area, he hadn’t cleaned much since he moved in. Maybe it was time too. He picks up some of the trash and fishing some chips bags out of the cracks.
Danny removes the seat cushions to search for more shit hidden in the couch. He finds more discarded snacks and some change. There’s a shadow of something stuck in the frame. He pulls it out. It’s dark and long and...Oh fuck, is this what i think it is. Stepping back suddenly, he trips over the coffee table and falls down laughing.
He takes a picture and posts it on twitter “found Barry’s dildo #GROSS” and continues snickering for another half hour. Barry comes back in the hour. His roommate berates at him for posting it and shouts a lot of nonsense about not understanding. Danny mutters that he doesn't WANT to understand. Barry is still shouting and picks up the object to explain its significance.
“Dude, don’t point that at me. Ugh.” Danny giggles. Someone knocks at the door. Barry says not to answer it. Says they need to run.
“Grow up. You think I’m going to tell the PIZZA GUY about your dildo? heh, maybe i will…” Barry warns him not to, pointing the weird junk at him. The door opens to reveal the pizza guy. There he is. Danny gets his pizza and turns to Barry with a smug grin Jeez, who was he expecting??
“Could you sign here?” The pizza dude asks, Danny complies, “and your immediate surrender.” hehe...what? Barry slams the door in his face and pulls the douchebag towards the window. The door is busted down and the pizza guy is now a huge chicken-alien with dinosaur arms and machine gun. Barry shoots the chicken freak with his dildo artifact/gun. The jew grumps escape and the alien evades the fire.
“SEE? It’s a weapon, NOT A DIDLO!!” Barry yells as they scurry down the fire escape
“HA. I couldn’t give a shit if you’re some kinda intergalactic Indiana Jones...it still looks totally gross, dude.”