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”…there will be no hitting, no kicking, no hair pulling, no spitting, no paint, no glue, no dead animals, no live animals, no slingshots, no bow and arrows, no rocket launchers, no explosions, no fires, no trip wires, no slime, and absolutely no glitter.”
”Not even a little glitter?” Eloise asked innocently, grinning at Phillip‘s attempt at a parental scowl.
Amanda and Oliver giggled in the backseat and Phillip shot her a warning look. “Do not give them ideas.”
”I’m just saying Colin is gullible enough open a mysterious envelope left on his bed.” Eloise stated as the familiar sights of Aubrey Hall came into view. The entirety of the Bridgerton clan was gathering for Colin’s birthday and everyone was desperate to meet Eloise’s new boyfriend.
Phillip and Eloise slapped an official title on their relationship a few weeks ago, mid-something Eloise would not be detailing to anyone but Penelope, and Eloise couldn’t quite believe she was bringing Phillip home. She was the first to admit things were moving faster than she intended, including the addition of Phillip’s niece and nephew to the festivities, but when Phillip had to decline the weekend invitation because George and Marina were going out of town, Violet insisted they bring Oliver and Amanda to join the chaos.
And chaos it was as Eloise shifted into park and watched the children of the family, forever including Gregory and Hyacinth, siege a water battle on the front lawn. “That’s my family.” Eloise stated, rather unnecessarily, as Gregory pelted Hyacinth with a large arsenal of balloons being ferried to him by Augie and Bel.
”That’s your sister?” Amanda asked in complete awe as Hyacinth ducked for cover and re-emerged with a water gun under each arm fighting off a crowd of under-fives like she was starring in an action film.
”Yes.” Eloise said, unlocking the doors. “And she loves it when you call her short.”
Oliver joined Amanda at the window, equally as captivated. ”Can we?”
“As long as-“ The twins burst from the car, already halfway across the lawn. “…you get into your swimsuits.” Phillip finished to himself.
Eloise snorted as Amanda picked up a rolling water balloon and nailed Oliver in the back of the head. “They’ll fit in just fine.”
Phillip looked over at her. “But will I?”
”Only one way to find out.” Eloise said, throwing open her door.
After a change of clothes and a rallying pep talk with Oliver who had taken a hose to the face, Eloise and Phillip made it to the drawing room where Violet was hosting a welcome brunch. Anthony, Benedict and Colin hovered around the food table, Kate and Sophie were in conversation on the sofa while Penelope and Violet cooed over Daphne and baby Caroline in the corner. Fran and John had yet to arrive, claiming some kind of dog-sitting emergency that lacked any kind of convincing detail.
Eloise stepped into the room, aware of Phillip bracing himself behind her. All conversation immediately ceased and Eloise pointed at Anthony, “No interrogation." Moved to Benedict, "No inappropriate jokes." Then onto her mother, “No, we are not engaged."
"I wouldn't..." Violet trailed off at the look every one of her children sent her. "Well, not this soon anyway."
Anthony put down his drink, attempting to look as intimidating as one could in shorts. "Yes, three months is quite a short time. I'm sure Phillip would be most comfortable rooming with the children and Eloise could-“
"Nope." Kate cut in, crossing the room.
"I'm just-"
"Respecting your sister." Kate finished with a patronizing arm pat, before turning to Phillip. "Welcome. Please feel free to ignore any and all Bridgertons. They don't make the best first impressions."
"Here here!" Sophie conferred, holding up a champagne flute in a toast to Phillip. Then, to Eloise. "Well done."
Eloise sighed, reaching for two drinks on the tray. "We'll be needing these."
Daphne bounded across the room, her arms full of baby. "I'm very excited to meet you Phillip. Colin has told us so much about you."
"And Eloise." Violet quickly added. "Eloise has told us a lot about you as well."
"Have I?" Eloise asked her mother in amusement.
"I hear you study Botany at King’s College?" Daphne continued, well aware of the answer.
Anthony moved to join them. "Yes, how are the job prospects in that?"
"Anthony." Kate and Eloise warned at the same time.
"I'm interested." Anthony defended but soon slunk back to the sofa under Kate's unrelenting gaze.
"Quite good actually," Phillip answered. "Plenty of research grants. Operational positions related to food production and pharmaceuticals. My interest lies in academia though."
"A scholar!" Daphne proclaimed, grinning at her sister. "I see why she's all over you."
Eloise sighed, "Can you not?"
"No." Anthony and Daphne replied with identical levels of enthusiasm.
Eloise turned to Penelope, "Still think my family will behave?"
"I said might behave." Penelope corrected, rather immune to Bridgerton antics. "At least no one has asked what his intentions are yet?"
"What are your intentions with my sister?" Anthony questioned without the slightest hesitation.
"Honourable?" Phillip tried, unsure if it was a joke. When Anthony did nothing but wait, Phillip glanced at Eloise, too busy glaring at her brother to be of any assistance. "I enjoy Eloise's company very much. She's intelligent, and funny, and has a lot of interesting things to say about...everything."
"Told you," Colin muttered around a mouthful of finger sandwiches. "Meant to be."
"Doesn't count." Daphne sung back at him. "They set themselves up."
"I got them to the same place." Colin complained, put out by his siblings' lack of acknowledgement of his matchmaking skills. Once Eloise had recounted their first date, including the fact she hadn't known who Phillip was for the first hour, everyone - but Colin - had agreed Colin had not won at all.
"You did a wonderful thing dear." Violet assured him. "Eloise and Phillip would never have gone on that lunch date without your help." Penelope grinned into her drink a little too hard at the same time Anthony muttered something vaguely profane into his.
"Can we stop talking about Phillip now?"
"Sure, let's talk about you." Daphne said, giving Caroline a little bounce. "What's it like being in a committed relationship after swearing off them for life?"
"Even your baby looks bored by this inane conversation," Eloise gripped, putting down an empty glass.
"Too easy." Daphne shoved Caroline into Eloise's arms and walked away. "Clean nappies are in the hall." Penelope snorted on the other side of the room, but when Eloise looked her way, she, like everyone else, was suddenly very occupied.
Eloise sighed, turning back to Phillip. "I presume this is supposed to make me look maternal to you."
"It's not working." Phillip said in a way that betrayed it very much was.
"Don't make eye contact with my mother," Eloise warned, shifting the baby to her hip. "She's already picking out a wedding dress."
"I'm more concerned with the way your brother is glaring at me," Phillip admitted, unable to stop himself from making a silly face at Caroline.
Eloise glanced at Anthony, already back at making eyes at Kate. "He's actually behaving better than I thought. After he met my first boyfriend, he hired a private security firm to follow us around." `
"Not that brother." Phillip stated ominously.
Eloise looked around and was startled to find Ben staring at them from across the room. He immediately turned back to his conversation with Colin, but Eloise didn't miss the forced smile. Sensing their attention, Colin gave an overly animated thumbs up and Eloise flipped him off in return.
“You’re holding a child.” Daphne reminded, doing absolutely nothing to stop it from her spot beside Violet.
”Just teaching her sign language. Isn’t that all the rage for babies these days?”
Violet sighed, "I don’t believe your guest came all the way to-“
“Her guest?” Colin cut in indignantly. “He’s my friend and it’s my birthday!”
Eloise scoffed. ”You really want to play the my friend first game?”
”I met them both first.” Colin pointed out, ready to put down his plate.
”Yet they like me more.”
”Love you.” Penelope added, just because she could.
"She means me," Colin informed a little too quickly.
"Does she though?" Eloise asked Caroline with a knowing grin.
Ben cleared his throat. "I believe there is only one way to solve this.”
Eloise lit up, “Are there enough of us?”
"Once Fran and John get here." Daphne confirmed, already moving from the sofa.
”Bridgerton rules." Anthony put down his drink. "Full contact."
"I wish you wouldn't." Violet contributed, but it was clear that after so many years she had simply given up.
Sophie sighed, reaching for another drink. ”Do I have a choice?”
”No.” Penelope revealed, having tried to sit out many times before.
Phillip looked around in confusion, still only a few steps in the door. "Sorry, what are we talking about?"
“Phillip.”
Eloise glowered at Colin’s first pick as they stood on opposite sides of the field. Fran and John arrived shortly after lunch and were hustled outside within the hour.
”Penelope.” Eloise countered with a grin.
”Don’t waste your number one pick on me.” Penelope begged, already knowing how it was all going to go down.
“You’re always my number one.” Eloise assured, then after an appropriate wait. “…way to provoke Colin.”
“Daphne.” Colin declared with a look in Eloise's direction.
”Benedict.” Eloise retaliated easily.
“Kate." Colin said, accepting her enthusiastic high-five as she joined their side.
Eloise huffed, Kate being the obvious best pick. "Anthony."
Phillip hovered at Colin's side, rather nervous with the seriousness with which things were proceeding. Despite Eloise informing him it was just for fun, she had in fact dressed in full athletic attire, the kind of outfit he wasn't aware one needed to pack for a weekend away, and used the children's paint to smear thick lines across her cheeks. Phillip had been amused until he found the majority of Bridgertons dressed the same, up to and including Anthony in studs and Daphne chewing on a mouth guard as they gathered on the hastily spray-painted pitch.
"Soph." Colin continued with a strategy in mind.
"Fran." Eloise announced needing someone to mark Daphne at all times.
“Simon.”
”John.”
"Hyacinth." Colin finished with a triumphant grin.
"Skins!" Eloise countered instead calling the final name.
"I hate you all," Gregory muttered, the official last pick. "I was on the actual rugby team at Eton."
"Sorry, did you just call skins to distract Phillip?" Penelope questioned the second they were out of earshot, legitimately surprised by the sentiment.
"No," Eloise said indignantly. "I did it so you can distract Colin."
"Doesn't sound very feminist." Fran pointed out. "Reducing Penelope's contribution to our team to her breasts."
"She's faster than she looks." Eloise lied, glancing at her brothers. “Plus I am providing equal opportunities to objectify. Anthony and Benedict are going to distract Kate and Sophie just as much."
“Our strategy is winning.” Anthony interrupted, already shirtless and ready to play.
Eloise frowned. "Surely we should pick positions and-"
"Win on three." Anthony cut in, holding his hand out. Eloise exchanged a look with Fran as she pulled off her shirt to reveal a pragmatic black sports bra. No one attended a Bridgerton sporting event without the understanding clothes could become optional at any time. "One, two, win."
"Win." Eloise repeated as Anthony and Benedict jogged towards the starting line. It was only after Hyacinth blew the whistle she had somehow acquired from a small child and Colin threw the rugby ball at Phillip with far too much spin that Eloise put the pieces together. Anthony’s tackle was legal, entirely above board, but Phillip and the ball hit the grass with a resounding thud.
Penelope winced at Eloise’s side, “That was efficient."
"Oh shit." Eloise said, watching as Anthony and Benedict reset. "They're-"
The rest of her words were drowned out by the whistle as Anthony rather conveniently fumbled the ball into Colin's possession. Colin locked eyes with Eloise and pressed the ball into Phillip's hands. What Ben lacked in athleticism he made up with technique and Phillip hit the ground harder than before. This time Phillip held onto the ball long enough to transfer it into Colin's waiting hands who made it three strides down the field before Eloise took him out in a furious tackle.
"What the hell are-"
Anthony hauled Eloise off Colin. "Get back to the line Eloise."
"No. You're-"
"Are we playing or what?" Colin demanded impatiently.
Eloise shoved Anthony off her. "Yes, but-"
"Yours!" Anthony yelled and threw the ball to Eloise. She caught it and was immediately bowled over by Daphne.
"Don't tell me you're in on this too." Eloise complained as she struggled to get to her feet.
"No," Daphne admitted, not a single hair of place. "But it's pretty damn entertaining."
Before Eloise could even get back to her starting position Hyacinth blew the whistle. Predictably Colin pressed the ball into Phillip's hands, ignoring Kate's furious tirade, and Eloise took off at full speed. Gregory’s hit was barely legal, a lethal combination of determination and speed, the ball bounced out of Phillip's hands and across the field.
”Fucking hell Greg.” Eloise said as she made it to Phillip's side. “Are you all right?”
”I’m fine.” Phillip sat up, breathless and sweaty. "Although not quite the Bridgerton I expected to sweep me off my feet.”
"I'm really sorry." Eloise said as she glared at her brother. "I should have known they were going to do this."
"Don't be." Phillip dusted off his shirt, looking rather unrattled.
“Phillip!” Colin barked from somewhere behind them. “Stop consorting with the enemy!”
Phillip snorted, “Are you the enemy?”
Eloise held out a hand to help Phillip to his feet. "Ruck me and find out."
"I'm still here." Gregory complained.
”I know.” Eloise stepped on Gregory's hand as she walked backwards. "Make it hurt?"
Phillip jogged back to his side. "As long as you do."
Eloise took her position between Benedict and Anthony, not making eye contact with either of them. "Leave him alone.”
"Get there first." Anthony challenged as the whistle blew. Now in possession of the ball, Anthony faked a pass to Fran before barreling down the centre of the field. Kate was on him in seconds, taking him down with a perfectly executed tackle. Anthony spun as he hit the ground and Eloise claimed the ball, clutching it against her chest as she jumped over them both and continued down the field.
Hyacinth leapt and missed.
Daphne and Simon ran in tandem but were nowhere near close enough.
Sophie stepped aside, not even slightly interested in Bridgerton nonsense.
The only thing standing between victory was Phillip.
"Get her!" Colin cried out in desperation.
"No mercy!" Daphne urged loudly.
"Take her out!" Hyacinth cheered with unabashed delight.
Phillip dove, Eloise jumped and he hooked her behind her knees, bringing them both to the ground. Eloise threw the ball at Penelope who accidentally caught it and had nowhere to run but across the goal line.
"That's my girlfriend!" Colin yelled as Penelope tentatively touched the ball to the grass.
Daphne smacked him on the back of the head, "Wrong team Col."
"Nice assist." Phillip complimented Eloise, still pinning her to the grass.
"Nice tackle." Eloise returned, unable to tear her eyes away from a mud-streaked bicep.
"Hard enough for you?" Phillip asked with a proud grin.
Eloise lifted her knee, enjoying the way Phillip's breath hitched. "No."
"I regret nothing." Anthony announced as he pressed an ice pack to his shoulder.
The game had continued in much the same way. Anthony tackling Phillip, Phillip tackling Benedict, Benedict tackling Colin, Colin tackling Eloise, everyone else getting increasingly bored of the game until Hyacinth ended it all with a kick that landed the rugby ball somewhere in the woods. Sophie, Penelope, Simon and John had abandoned the game long before, drifting away until only Bridgertons, Kate and Phillip remained.
"Not even assaulting my boyfriend?" Eloise asked, nursing several injuries of her own. She had played harder, and longer, than most and had the bruises to prove it. Anthony, Benedict, Colin and Eloise sat in the study, the boys because they wanted to and Eloise because she didn't trust them near Phillip ever again. Violet was running a series of over-the-top activities for the children that Amanda declared the best ever to allow the adults, not that Violet referred to them as such, to have an afternoon off.
"Definitely not." Anthony said, wincing as he sat down. "But for what it's worth, I approve."
"I don't need your approval?" Eloise stated with the utmost annoyance.
"Well you're getting it anyway." Anthony said, uncorking a top-shelf bottle of whiskey.
"Because he mercilessly tackled you?"
"Because he mercilessly tackled me." Anthony confirmed, sliding a tumbler towards each of his siblings. "He seems like a good man."
Colin held up a toast in Eloise's direction. "Atrocious taste in women."
Eloise put her feet up on the desk, “I’d say his taste in friendship is more questionable.”
"So you’re going to marry him?" Ben asked.
Eloise choked on her drink, coughing as it burned down her throat. "What? No. We just started dating."
Ben eyed her. "I don't mean now. In the future. You could see yourself marrying him?"
Eloise narrowed her eyes. "I don't know. Maybe? Why are we talking about this?" Ben shrugged but Eloise dropped her feet to the floor. "What's wrong with you?"
Anthony shot Colin a look, getting to his feet. Eloise's attention swung around to them. "Where are you going?"
"To find food," Colin said, downing the rest of his drink. "Don't worry, I won't go near your husband."
"He's not-" Eloise caught herself in time. "Not a hair out of place." Eloise warned them both seriously.
"He is my friend." Colin reminded, already moving towards the door.
Eloise huffed, "Not after today."
"It was a game El." When Eloise did nothing but glare, Colin rolled his eyes. "The walls at your flat are thin. The man deserved a spleen hit or two." Anthony powerwalked out the study and Colin shot Eloise an amused smile. Eloise held Colin's gaze, before conceding with a nod. “Besides, who else is going to hang out with when you and Pen are droning on about women things?" Colin added as he darted out the door.
"I'm telling!" Eloise yelled, but he was already gone. Eloise sighed, turning back to Benedict. "You don't like Phillip."
Ben peered at her over the top of his glass. "You don't know Phillip."
"I'm starting to?" Eloise said, unsure of where the conversation was heading. "I don't understand why you're acting like this. Are you jealous?"
"Probably." Ben admitted, "But I'm mostly worried. You're destined for such great things El. Don't let some boy get in your way."
Eloise took a sip, trying not to get angry. "He's not some boy, he's a man. And you're with Sophie?"
"Sophie grounds me."
"And you don't think I deserve the same?" Eloise asked, entirely hurt.
"Of course you do. But is this what you want? Or is this what Mum and Daphne and Anthony want for you?"
"I..." Eloise stopped, taking a breath. "Phillip lets me talk. Wants me to talk and when I do he doesn't think I'm crazy." Eloise paused. "Or at least doesn't tell me I'm crazy. He wants me to be more of who I am, not less." Eloise looked at Ben, feeling the burn of tears in her eyes. "I'm so tired of being less."
"Never be less." Ben offered softly. "Never ever be less." Ben put down his drink. "Fine."
"Fine?" Eloise asked, wiping at her eyes. "What does fine mean?"
"It means that even although no one will ever be good enough for you, he might be allowed to join my poker tournament."
Eloise snorted, "Like I'm letting him get drunk with you."
Ben raised an eyebrow. "Bold of you to assume he's still sober."
"What?" Eloise said in confusion. "Anthony and Colin just left. There's no way they..." Eloise trailed off. "Daphne."
"Kate." Ben added with a grin.
"Sophie." Eloise finished with a heavy sigh. "Do I dare hope Fran kept them in line?"
"I can't wait to find out.”
"Well there goes that." Eloise said as she watched Fran pour Phillip a rather hefty shot from the bottle in her hand.
"El!" Penelope exclaimed from her spot beside Colin, well into the shots herself. "Join us!"
Phillip's head snapped up, "Babe!"
"Uh oh." Eloise said, taking in his glazed expression.
"Babe?" Ben teased, leaning down to whisper in Eloise's ear. "Do you let him call you pookie too?"
"Only when he's on his knees." Eloise hissed back, more than satisfied when the grin slipped right off Ben's face.
Phillip stumbled over, a rather adoring expression on his face. "I was telling Daphne about our plants."
Daphne grinned, sitting at the piano. "Yes, Phillip was telling me all about your babies."
"Don't read into it, they're just plants." Eloise warned and Phillip gasped. "Very important and beautiful plants," Eloise assured quickly, slipping an arm around Phillip's waist to keep him steady.
"So beautiful," Phillip repeated, but he was looking directly at Eloise.
"Jesus," Ben muttered, stepping away.
"It gets worse," Colin informed him as he riffled through the liquor cabinet.
Fran sat down beside Daphne. "I think it's cute."
"He's not usually like this," Eloise muttered as Phillip wrapped his arms around her tightly.
"Oh yes he is." Penelope argued, a bit too loudly. "You two are always touching. Phillip brings you all these elaborate flowers. And he even gives you his shirts!"
Eloise could sense Daphne's glee across the room. "Do go on…"
"Well, there's the hoodie. Then the peas and quiet t-shirt. Then-"
"Yes, thank you Pen." Eloise cut in. "I forget to do laundry sometimes."
Daphne snorted, "Our little misandrist. Dressed in the enemy's clothes."
"I don't hate men." Eloise said defensively.
Sophie eyed Phillip's wandering hand, "Clearly."
Kate cleared her throat on the sofa, "Eloise is like a sister to me." Everyone turned, and Eloise was instantly reminded why Kate was so well-suited for Anthony. She sat calmly on the sofa, staring directly at Phillip. "And when she does something, she does it with everything she has. Do not take that for granted because if you break her heart everyone in this room will break you.”
Phillip frowned, at both the threat and the way everyone seemed to be waiting for an answer. "Yes?"
Kate folded her hands in her lap. "Then you pass."
After a moment of awkward silence, Benedict held up both drinks in his hands. "What she said."
"Agreed." Daphne added with a firm nod in Eloise’s direction.
"Do you all have to be so dramatic?" Eloise grumbled, but there was no mistaking how touched she was by Kate’s declaration.
"We love you," Fran said simply.
"We do," Phillip confirmed, leaning down to plant a rather sloppy kiss on her forehead.
"Oh my god, he said it!” Penelope squealed, turning to Colin. "I knew I'd win. You owe me..." Penelope trailed off realizing her audience. "Um, something entirely appropriate and non-sexual."
"He didn't say it," Colin argued heatedly. “Nowhere close."
"He did." Daphne said, backing up Penelope. "It was clearly implied."
"Was it?" Kate questioned, unable to stop herself getting involved. "We were talking about family love. Not romantic love."
"Well I certainly hope he doesn't think of her like family." Benedict added in amusement.
"I'm confused." Phillip admitted to Eloise.
Eloise sighed, hoping Phillip was drunk enough to forget the entire conversation. "Don't worry about it. They're being stupid."
"Because I said I love you?" Phillip asked with a frown.
Eloise blinked, "Uh..I...yes." Eloise paused. "You love me?"
"Yes." Phillip said like it was the most obvious thing.
"HA!" Penelope exclaimed loudly. "Take that Bridgerton. I won. I fucking won."
“Drunk Penelope has quite the alter ego.” Sophie commented.
"He still didn't say it," Colin said in disbelief.
Phillip watched as Penelope yelled at Colin who pointed at Daphne who looked to Benedict who gestured at Kate who rolled her eyes at Sophie. "Your family is kind of intense."
"Yes."
"Explains a lot."
"Yes."
"Is there a way to get them to stop?"
"Yes.”
Eloise dragged Phillip into a kiss. It wasn't the most coordinated of attempts, but he responded immediately, pulling Eloise tightly against him. It was sloppy, it was hot, and it was getting entirely out of control in a room full of her family. Satisfied with the sudden silence, Eloise forced herself to step back to survey her work. Without a word, Ben downed both his drinks. Daphne opened her mouth, then closed it again, Kate and Sophie exchanged an amused look while Colin and Penelope remained unaffected, having been through it all before.
Eloise turned her attention back to Phillip. "I love you too."
"Wait, too? Did he say it? Who said it first?" Daphne demanded frantically.
Fran held up her glass, the only person who had actually been paying attention. "Welcome to the family."
Phillip leaned on Eloise, the room swaying under his feet, "I think I'm going to be sick."