Chapter Text
The first time Alhaitham cared about his soulmate was when he was six. His grandmother had rushed him to the Bimarstan because she was concerned he had developed a case of eleazar when he woke up covered in tell-tale scars. He, in fact, didn’t have the disease, but the scars from it were undeniable there.
That was the day he learned about his soulmate. Of course, he had heard about them, and he had been told many times that his parents were soulmates, but until that day, he had never put much thought into his own. Yet now, he couldn’t help but think about it. How your soulmate’s scars became your scars and vice versa. How their souls were inextricably linked together by fate. How his soulmate was inevitably doomed to die from the eleazar in their body.
To be frank, before then, he’d never been very interested in the concept of soulmates, let alone his own. He didn’t particularly like the notion that his future wife or husband had been chosen by forces beyond his control. When he told his grandmother this, she simply smiled at him and told him that his soulmate didn’t have to be a romantic partner; they might just be platonically linked. That’s how it had been with his grandmother’s soulmate, a dear friend who had passed away long before Alhaitham was born. Regardless, it was undeniable that this person would become someone significant in his own life. They would be, as she had put it, his other half, someone who would be there for Alhaitham long after she had left this world.
He carried those words with him throughout his childhood, past the death of his grandmother, and even now as an Akademiya student. Still, he hadn’t encountered this other half of his yet. He reminded himself there was a chance they might already have succumbed to their eleazar, and he was waiting on a ghost, yet the fact that new scars continued to appear told him otherwise.
It was those same words that had led him to now, sitting in the library as he slowly sorted through the Akademiya’s research on eleazar. As a first-year student, he didn’t have access to some of the more restricted sections, but the books that he did have would do for now. He was, in his words, preparing for his inevitable meeting with his other half. Not that he was really looking for them; it made no difference to him whether he found them or not. Honestly, he was perfectly content being alone now that his grandmother was gone. He couldn’t see himself caring about someone else as much as he had cared about her. Yet, for the sake of his grandmother’s last wish, he would at least try and bond with them if and when they met. And to him, the best way to do that would be to understand the disease that they were plagued with.
His musing was suddenly interrupted by the sound of someone dropping a pile of books on the table. “Do you mind if I sit here? All the other tables are full.”
He glanced up to see a blonde boy, probably only a few years older than him, staring at him with his startlingly red eyes. From the pin on his cap, he was clearly a member of Kshahrewar. Althaitham simply looked back at his book. “Do what you want. I don’t care.”
“Thanks!” He heard the boy slide into the seat across from him. “I’m Kaveh by the way. I haven’t seen you around before, are you a first year student?”
“Yes.”
The boy hummed, loudly leaning back in his chair, before asking, “So what are you reading? You seem to be pretty engrossed in it.”
Alhaitham finally looked up at the chatty senior. “I don’t remember saying I wanted to talk to you.”
“No need to be so rude. I was just asking.”
“If you must know, it’s eleazar research.”
The boy went quiet, though Alhaitham wasn’t sure why. After several minutes, he finally took a breath and quietly asked, “Do you know someone with it?”
“My soulmate has it.”
Once again, the boy was quiet for a moment before saying, “Ah… that’s rather tragic.”
He simply shrugged. “It’s life. There is nothing I can do about it, so there’s no reason to get upset about it.”
Kaveh slammed his hands on the table, jolting Alhaitham slightly. “How could you say that? Don’t you care? That’s someone’s life you’re talking about. The person who’s supposed to love you unconditionally.”
“They are someone I have yet to meet. While I wish to understand, as it stands, I have no attachment to them. There is no use grieving some I’ve never met.”
“Would you, though? Grieve them after you meet them?”
The only real close relationship Alhaitham had ever had was with his grandmother. He never had any friends growing up, nor ever been interested in anyone romantically. He had never seen a reason to. He didn’t seek companionship like other people did. Though, he did know what grief was. He felt it when his grandmother passed. So, if his soulmate somehow ended up being as important to him as his grandmother was… “I suppose, if we forged a significant bond, I would.”
“I suppose I see the rationale in that…at least you’re not completely heartless…uh… what’s your name?”
“Alhaitham.”
“Alhaitham.” The boy tested the name before sitting back down. “You are a very confusing kid, Alhaitham.”
After that, the conversation died out as Kaveh finally began to work on his schoolwork, and he resumed reading. He didn’t understand why the notion of his soulmate dying distressed Kaveh so much. Perhaps he was projecting his own emotions onto Alhaitham. Maybe his senior soulmate was already gone. Yes, that made sense. Regardless, that was none of his concern. He would likely not see this boy again, so he wouldn’t devote too much time worrying about it.
It was, in fact, not the last time he saw Kaveh. Far from it, actually. Kaveh, as he later learned, was two years his senior and apparently a genius in Kshahrewar. He also, for some reason, kept finding Alhaithm in the library.
Every.
Single.
Day.
And every time, he would ask what he was reading, and he would bug Alhaitham into a debate because they would always inevitably disagree about something related to it. More often than then not, it had to do with soulmates since Kaveh viewed them as some sacred blessing sent by the Archon while Alhaitham… didn’t. And then Kaveh inevitably returned to doing his homework for the rest of their ‘study session.’ Honestly, he wasn’t sure if this annoyed him or not. On one hand, he couldn’t get over just how loud and chatty his senior was. Yet, on the other hand, he couldn’t deny that Kaveh, while he disagreed with many of his opinions, wasn’t making unsupported arguments, nor was he spouting utter nonsense. It wasn’t like the debates he had with his classmates, where, more often than not, he ended up making one of them cry or storm out in anger. No, this felt like a debate between equals.
However, when Kaveh arrived at the table today, instead of putting his books down as usual, he walked over and tugged on Alhaitham’s robe. “Come on, I want to show you something.”
Almost reluctantly, Alhaitham stood and followed him. Or rather, Kaveh dragged him through the halls of the Akademiya. While his senior’s grip wasn’t very strong, it was quite weak, actually, but he let him do it all the same. He led him through the twisting paths of the Akademiya until they reached a rather quiet and tucked away spot on the backside of the Akademiya. There were plants flowing everywhere, and the natural sunlight sparkled through the stained glass roofs of the gazebos.
Kaveh gently tugged him towards the benches and sat him down. “So, what do you think?”
“I wasn’t aware the Akademiya had a place like this.”
“Yeah, well, it’s pretty tucked away, so I’m not surprised. I don’t come here too often; the walk tires me out.” His senior sat down next to him. “But I thought you might like it. You’re always complaining about how loud the library is, so I thought we could move our studies somewhere quieter. And since it’s you, I’m willing to take a tiring walk.”
“When did it become our studies?”
“When I decided it did. I’ve decided that I like your company despite how annoying you can be sometimes, so you’re stuck with me.”
“I never asked you to stay.”
“Neither did I, yet you haven’t tried to get me to leave since, what, day three?”
“It wasn’t worth the effort of arguing with someone as stubborn as you.”
“Says the one who’s even more stubborn than I am.”
Alhaitham just hummed before pulling out the book he had been reading. He was halfway through a study on the origins of eleazar, and he would like to see where the author’s argument was going. So far, he wasn’t very compelled by the whole ‘curse of Celestia’ theory, but maybe it would improve.
Kaveh grumbled, “And back to the book you go, no surprise there,” before he pulled out his own school work, laying out his blueprint on the other side of the bench.
They ended up sitting back to back as they worked in silence. Kaveh was right; this garden was much quieter than the library. He felt like he could actually think for once without the noise of all the other students distracting him. Sure, the library was usually quiet, but students still whispered loud enough that it bothered him if they were close enough. Here, it was just him, his book, and Kaveh and his incessant sketching.
After about an hour, he felt a weight slump against his back. He turned his head slightly, only to find that Kaveh had fallen asleep against him. He froze, unsure of what to do. He hadn’t realized his senior felt relaxed around him. Very carefully, he turned around so he could grab onto Kaveh before gently lowering his senior’s head onto his lap. It would be bad for his neck if he just laid him on the bench.
He wasn’t surprised that Kaveh had fallen asleep. His senior always looked like he was exhausted or on the verge of collapsing. The one time he’d brought it up to him, he’d been quickly brushed off and told not to worry about it. Yet, he couldn’t help but worry. Ha, look at him. It seems his senior really was worming his way into his heart.
If Kaveh wouldn’t take care of himself, he could at least do these little acts of kindness while he wasn’t paying attention. He could make sure his senior got the rest he needed. Content: Alhaitham returned to reading his book. He could deal with his senior’s annoyance when he woke up.
Several years ago, if you had asked Alhaitham if he’d make friends at the Akademiya, he would have confidently said no. Yet, here he was, almost two years later, with a single friend who refused to leave. Even though Kaveh was graduating this year, it didn’t feel like he was saying goodbye. He’d already heard rumors that his senior might be taking up a teaching position at the school until Alhaitham graduated.
He wasn’t sure who had started this rumor, but he was certain it had something to do with the reputation they had gained. Their names were rarely heard apart. If someone was talking about Kshahrewar’s genius, they always had to mention Haravatat’s genius, too. If you needed Kaveh, be prepared to deal with Alhaitham, too, because they would certainly be together. They were a matched set, and if you believed the rumors, it was because they were soulmates.
Now, Alhaitham didn’t know if it was true; he had, after all, never asked Kaveh about his soulmate, but he knew that no one knew Kaveh better than he did and vice versa. Kaveh knew Alhaitham liked the quiet, he hated soup, and he always said what he meant. Alhaitham knew that Kaveh was constantly fatigued and physically weak, yet he had a heart bigger than his body could handle, as he was always willing to help someone in need. He knew that their ideals conflicted in that way, that he made decisions based on rationality while Kaveh made his decisions based on his emotions and ideals. They were perfect mirrors, and according to some, that was why they were clearly soulmates. Two people so different yet complemented each other so well.
Personally, Alhaitham hoped they weren’t because if they were, that meant Kaveh was on a time limit. One that was quickly approaching zero. As much as he denied it, over the last few years, Kaveh was one of the few things he couldn’t be rational about. More often than not, he let his emotions win. If Kaveh asked, he’d give him his heart. But if Kaveh was his soulmate, he wasn’t sure how he would respond to the impending death of the one person he cared about.
He’d probably do something completely illogical.
“A research project?” Alhaitham asked as he tried to hide his surprise.
Kaveh nodded excitedly. “Yeah! There’s been a topic I’ve been interested in for a while, and I’m about to graduate, so it’s the perfect thing to do before that happens.”
Alhaitham was… hesitant to accept the offer. On the one hand, he found the prospect of working with Kaveh to be novel and possibly an intriguing exercise in seeing how to work together in an academic setting. On the other hand, research projects like this were no small task. They would inevitably need to bring in other researchers, and while he trusted Kaveh to work with him, he didn’t trust anyone else.
In his defense, the rest of the students of the Akademiya did not like him. Despite both being lauded as geniuses, Kaveh’s more welcoming nature earned him the title of Light of Kshahrewar. On the other hand, he had earned the title of Lunatic of the Akademiya. More than once, he had heard classmates asking Kaveh how he could stand someone like Alhaitham. Of course, Kaveh always brushed them off, but he could tell that the comments were getting to his senior. Not because they reflected badly on Kaveh, but because of how it reflected on Alhaitham, not that Alhaitham cared what the others thought of him.
He had Kaveh. That was enough.
Yet, he knew Kaveh was clearly concerned about Alhaitham.
If only he directed that same energy towards himself.
He had a suspicion that Kaveh’s offer to do a research project with him was less about making the most out of an opportunity and more about making sure that he had friends after Kaveh graduated. He tried to appreciate the sentiment, but he still didn’t see a point in trying to pursue friendships with any of them. One of them could be his soulmate, but he still wouldn’t care. Not unless they proved themselves to be able to match him academically, something only Kaveh had managed to do.
Still, if this was what would make Kaveh happy, he would always agree to his demands.
“Alright,” he responded, “I wouldn’t be opposed to a joint research venture.”
Kaveh’s face instantly lit up in excitement. “Great! Because I was thinking we could do a project on King Deshret’s civilization. I’ve been dying to get out to the desert, you know?”
He did know, and as he nodded along to Kaveh’s ideas, he couldn’t help but smile at the joy he had brought the older boy.
He should have expected this outcome. Actually, he had been starting to. There were signs that this project was doomed from the start. Had it been the first desert mission, when Kaveh had struggled through the first three days, and Alhaitham had to drag him back to Aaru Village before he ended up seriously injuring himself? Had it been when they were recruiting other team members who Alhaitham was sure would drop out? Was it when they started arguing? Was it because Kaveh started insisting on picking up the workload of those who did drop out and were unwilling to split it with Alhaitham? Or was it when Alhaitham found out that, in addition to that, he had also begun to take on the workload of the team members who hadn’t dropped out?
Or maybe it was when he found Kaveh passed out in his room, barely hanging on.
According to the Brimistan doctors, he had been both dehydrated and exhausted, a poor combination. There seemed to be something else as well, but they refused to say more on the grounds of patient confidentiality. However, after all the research he had done, there was only one thing it could possibly be. He should have seen the signs sooner. Now, sitting at his friend’s bedside, he couldn’t help but wonder if he could have done more to prevent it.
He always believed that this was a world where the weak sink and the strong swim back to shore. He was willing to treat everyone else with that philosophy. Not Kaveh. He was willing drown if it meant Kaveh could swim.
He was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of Kaveh stirring. He watched his friend’s golden eyes slowly open before he suddenly bolted straight up, only to reel back from some unknown pain. He looked around, eyes wide, before they finally settled on Alhaitham. “What happened? How did I get here?”
“You pushed yourself too hard. I found you passed out in your room.”
“Oh.” Kaveh cleared his throat. “Well, thank you for bringing me here, you–”
“You’re being an idiot.” Alhaitham cut him off. “You’re already overworked as is, so I do not see why you would insist on giving yourself an even larger workload. It was always destined to end in disaster.”
“I was trying to do a nice thing for our teammates.”
“At the price of your own health? You can’t maintain it at this pace, not with your eleazar.”
Kaveh looked at him, mouth agape with shock? Surprise? Whatever it was, the man was now shaking. Had he really wanted to hide it from Alhaitham that badly? “You know?” Came Kaveh’s weak voice.
“It wasn’t hard to figure out. The constant exhaustion, your struggle with physical activity, the desperation to find me friends, the desperation to finish this project of all things. You’re dying, and you hid it from me.”
“I didn’t want you to worry. You already have one person dying of eleazar.”
Yet that wasn’t Kaveh’s decision to make. Even if…even if he was correct. Alhaitham did not want to witness the death of his only friend. It’s not like he had a soulmate who would wait for him. They’d probably be dead before he got the chance to meet them. He only had Kaveh. He did not want to be left behind. Kaveh didn’t seem to understand that. “Then you should understand why I’m worried about your workload. For the sake of your health, do not take on more than you can manage. If they can’t keep up, they should drop out.”
“I know my own limits.” Kaveh looked down at his hands. “I need to make a mark while I’m still alive. I want to help as many people as possible before I’m gone. Can’t you understand that?”
“What you should focus on is yourself, not others’ perception of you.”
Kaveh glanced up, glaring at him. “You just don’t get it, do you? You don’t have to worry about knowing your death is approaching. You don’t have a limited time to succeed. If I don’t do this, what is even the point of my life?”
“They do not deserve your help. They’re using you, and it’s killing you.”
“No, they’re not! Can’t you be empathetic for once in your life? Help someone out?”
He had tried. Yet, he lost all sympathy for them once he saw how it was destroying Kaveh. Not that Kaveh could see that. So, in his humble opinion, the best way to help him was to chase off their useless teammates so they could no longer abuse him. “I have, and they fail at every hurdle. They’re all incompetent and unable to keep up. I have told them as much. What I do not understand is why you keep giving them chances.”
“They just need a bit of help, and if I can give it to them–”
“What they need is to accept that they are not suited for this project. I told them if they couldn’t keep up, they were free to leave.”
“Are you serious right now?”
“Perfectly.”
“God, maybe the others were right. You’ve been like this for the entire project, and it keeps getting worse and worse because you refuse to try to get along or even help our teammates! You are so insufferable that maybe, yeah, I think everyone was right about you. You’re as heartless as everyone says you are. We would have been better off if we had never met. You act like you care so much about my health, but you probably won’t even care if I die tomorrow!”
He saw the regret immediately flash across Kaveh’s face, but his senior didn’t try to take it back. Likewise, Alhaitham didn’t answer. Deep down, he knew Kaveh didn’t mean to say those words to him, but it did mean that part of him believed those words. He was a fool to believe Kaveh cared about him beyond being his little friendless junior. He was a fool for believing their friendship would last. Because he would care if Kaveh died tomorrow. However, if he wasn’t willing to accept his advice if he was willing to reject him outright, he wasn’t going to sit here and have his heart broken twice.
Once by this rejection and again by his death.
He stood from his seat, not willing to look at Kaveh. “Alhaitham, wait-” He felt the man grab for his sleeve and attempt to pull him back. For such a weak man, he managed to yank pretty hard, revealing his soulmate’s eleazar scars on his shoulders. He heard Kaveh suck in a gasp. “Are those…?”
“They belong to my soulmate. I don’t care who they are anymore because I had you. But it seems now I don’t have that either.” Alhaitham yanked his arm back and readjusted his clothes. “I am removing my name from the project. This can be the beginning of the legacy you desire so badly.”
Kaveh didn’t say anything.
That was all the response he needed. He walked out the door of the hospital room, closing the door on a friendship he once believed could last forever. He felt a hollowness settle in his chest. Ah, so this is what heartbreak felt like.
He hadn’t expected to meet Kaveh again. Honestly, he’d expected the next time he’d hear from him was when he got news of his death. He dreaded it and how it would cause the deeply buried guilt to awaken. That’s why he tried to avoid Kaveh, both physically and as a topic of discussion. Sure, he’d heard all about the famous Light of Kshahrewar and all his grand achievements. After the Palace of Alcazarzaray was completed, it was all anyone at the Akademiya would talk about. He almost took a student’s head off after one brought it up while trying to get his research grant approved.
Kaveh, even seven years later, was a sore spot for him. He wasn’t sure if he regretted what happened that day, or at the very least, he didn’t regret what he said, but he did regret losing Kaveh. Life had been different without him; it had returned to a quiet existence. While he was always one to indulge in the silence, he found that he missed Kaveh’s constant rambling. It was the only noise he tolerated. The lack of Kaveh’s voice had become so noticeable that, at t some point, he’d taken to wearing headphones just to make himself stop thinking about it. It was something he did despite his position as the Akademiya’s scribe, even if it seemed to annoy the Sages to no end.
He had been wearing those headphones when he entered the tavern to pick up a new shipment of wine, and, as a result, he’d almost missed Kaveh’s presence. At least until the man slammed his goblet down on his table and loudly called for another glass. Loud enough that he managed to hear it through his headphones. And now here he was, staring at his senior from across the tavern, unsure what to do with himself. He could go talk to him, but he could just leave. That’s what he’d been doing for years, after all: avoiding Kaveh at all costs. Yet, there was something that stopped him from turning tail and running away again.
Maybe it was the fact he’d clearly had too much to drink, or maybe it was the sad look in his eye, or perhaps it was the vision hanging from his hip and glowing with the same dendro energy as his own. Maybe it was some combination of all of those things. Or perhaps it was the cane… the cane that Kaveh didn’t have before.
That meant his eleazar was getting worse, right? That he was running out of time? Of course, Alhaitham knew this, but to see the evidence in front of him, along with Kaveh’s clearly dire mental state? He couldn’t just leave. Before he knew it, his feet were carrying him across the tavern and to Kaveh’s table. Wordlessly, he slipped into the empty seat across from his senior.
Surprisingly, Kaveh looked up at him with drunk confusion. “Huh? Alhaitham? What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same.”
“It’s none of your concern. Thought you hated me anyway.” Kaveh scoffed. “Is that why you’re here? To make fun of me? To insult me and remind me of how far I have fallen?”
Alhaitham weighed his words carefully before saying, “To be blunt, you look terrible, and I was concerned.”
“You? Concerned? About me? Ha! Good one.” Kaveh attempted to take another swig of his goblet, but Alhaitham stopped him.
He grabbed the goblet, stealing it from his hand as his senior gave an indignant shout. He ignored it. “You are very clearly self-destructing. More than you did in our past. So tell me, what happened?”
“Does it really matter?”
“I wouldn’t be asking if it didn’t.”
And just like that, the dam broke. Though, the alcohol surely helped with that. Kaveh began to tell him what had happened over the past few years. He listened to everything Kaveh had to say, from how his mother had left him just before he started at the Akademiya to how he’d been carrying the guilt of their broken friendship for years, how his eleazar had only gotten worse, how he finally managed to get funding for his dream project only for it to fall apart in front of him, how he went into debt to save it, how he earned a vision for his troubles, how he was now homeless and despite all the praise everyone gave him, how he just felt so empty inside waiting for his inevitable death because what was left for him anyway? He’d done everything he’d dreamed of, and yet, after all of it, he didn’t feel content.
Once Kaveh had finished, Alhaitham remained silent for a moment. He’d known about Kaveh’s insecurities for years, that he was selfless to the fault of forgetting about himself, that he desperately wanted to do something with his life, but to hear it from him…he wondered just how many things the man was hiding from him. Yet he knew one thing for sure: he couldn’t leave Kaveh here. But he couldn’t make the man go with him. He wanted to hear from him. So, finally, he opened his mouth and asked, “How has realizing your ideals gone for you?”
For a moment, Kaveh was silent. Before he finally opened his mouth and said, “For years, I’ve accepted I was going to die. But then I met you. My other half. And now, I don’t think I’m ready to die. I wanted to be remembered, but now, I think I’d rather be loved.”
For the first time, Alhaitham believed he finally understood his friend. Alhaitham had always felt like Kaveh was his other half, but Kaveh’s words…it felt like he knew something he didn’t. That maybe, they didn’t just feel like each other’s other halves, but they were. That they were tied by fate. It did fit, after all, and Kaveh had seen his scars. Yet Kaveh had never said anything, and Alahitham could only conclude that it was because of one simple fact: Kaveh didn’t believe he could be loved. Or at least, he never made room in his life for it. The one time he had been given the chance, Alhaitham had ruined it. Now that he was almost out of time, he had accepted he never would. Alhaitham refused to let that happen. So, he reached back out and did something he should have done years ago.
“Come home with me, Kaveh.”
Kaveh paused, and after a long silence, he finally said, “Alright.”
Predictably, the first thing Alhaitham heard from the guest room that morning was Kaveh screaming, which was to be expected. His senior probably didn’t remember much of their conversation last night, but he would be sure to remind him. He’d already made up his mind, soulmate or not, Kaveh was too important to him. Last night felt like a cry for help, and Alhaitham would answer it. He wasn’t sure how much time he’d have to answer it, but he would make sure Kaveh knew he was loved. Until death do them part, right?
Less than a minute later, Kaveh finally stumbled into the living room, looking disheveled and confused. When he finally saw Alhaitham, his eyes widened with recognition. Ah, so maybe he did remember what happened last night after all. He drank his coffee as Kaveh spluttered for a reply.
Alhaitham sighed at the display. “Take a seat before you hurt yourself. I’ll get you some coffee.”
He watched as Kaveh slowly and cautiously made his way to his couch. He’d have to remember to get more cushions for it now that Kaveh was living here. The man would probably appreciate the extra comfort. A few moments of silence passed after his senior sat down before he finally asked, “So last night wasn’t an alcohol-induced dream.”
“Does that disappoint you?”
“No! No. I mean…did I tell you?”
“About us being soulmates?”
Kaveh immediately sputtered in response. It seemed that he was right. “I told you?” his senior almost screeched.
“No, but you just confirmed it for me.” He stood, moving from the kitchen with two cups in his hands, before standing by the coffee table and placing one of them in front of Kaveh. “I suspected as much from the way you were talking.”
His senior didn’t say anything, simply looking down at the cup of water in front of him. “You must be disappointed… having to be stuck with me as a soulmate.”
“On the contrary, if I were disappointed, I wouldn’t have invited you home and given you a warm bed to sleep in.”
“So what? Do you want something in return?”
“I want you to be happy.”
Kaveh looked up in surprise. “Huh.”
Of course, his senior didn’t understand. He seemed incapable of understanding other people might care about him beyond a surface-level appreciation or that he even deserved as much. After all, those were the kind of relationships he seemed to insist on surrounding himself with. He sighed. “Both you and I know you’re approaching the end. In good conscience, I can’t allow you to deteriorate and die on the streets.”
“So what is this, pity?”
“You know I don’t do things out of pity.”
“Then what? Do you still care about me or something?”
“I have regrets if that’s what you’re asking.”
He watched as the gears finally clicked for Kaveh. “Oh, my Archons, you do still care.”
“Is that so surprising?”
“Maybe?” He paused before sighing. “Ugh, fine, no. No, it isn’t.”
“Good. Then we’re on the same page.” He finally put down his cup of coffee and walked over to the sofa, sitting just a few inches apart from Kaveh. “Stay here with me.”
“This again?”
“You have nowhere else to go.”
“I thought you didn’t want to watch me die,” Kaveh said with a bitter smile.
He had said that, hadn’t he? If he regretted nothing of what he’d said that night, he’d still admit he regretted saying that. Because he did care and dreaded the day of hearing of his death and not being there to say goodbye. “And I regret saying that. I spent these last years dreading the news of your death. But now that you’re here, I can’t let you leave. It’d be more painful to know you died alone. Besides, do you have anywhere else to go?”
“Ah…well…not really. Maybe with Cyno and Tighnari, but since I went into debt, I’ve been avoiding them.”
“Then you’re going to stay here with me.”
Kaveh was silent for a moment as if he was weighing his options. He probably was. As easy as it was for Alhaitham to see his feelings, he knew Kaveh had always struggled to accept anything from others. Kaveh finally said, “Then you have to promise me you won’t say you love me. Even if we are soulmates. I don’t want you to be in love with a dying man.”
His heart felt heavy at that. To see Kaveh, who was usually so full of life and who insisted on being friends with everyone, had given up on life, friends, and love pulled at his heart. Was this Kaveh being selfless again? Not wanting to attach himself to people because even if he loved them, his death would only cause them pain? He couldn’t let Kaveh go like this. He couldn’t let him self-destruct. Yet, the only way to prevent him from destructing…the only way would be to find a cure.
It sounded impossible. But his nickname wasn’t the Lunatic of the Akademiya for nothing. “What if I could find a cure?”
“Are you serious, Alhaitham? What am I saying, of course you are. You don’t joke…Why, though? And how would you even do it?”
“The illness originated in King Deshret’s time, and thousands of texts have been lost from that era. Something in them will hold the answer. As for why…” He rolled up his sleeve. He then reached over to Kaveh, and when he didn’t resist, he pushed up his sleeve as well. Their matching scars sat on display as he placed his hand in his senior’s. “I want to prove you wrong.”
Kaveh stared at him, seemingly unsure of what to say before he finally laughed, the first laugh he’d heard in years. Archons, had he missed that laugh. “Ok. I’ll stay. For the record, I don't think you're going to find a cure when no one in 500 years has. But still, if you're gonna do this, promise me, you won’t fall for me. I don’t want your heart to die with me when your effort turns out to be in vain.”
“Ok.”
That was a lie. He already remembered Kaveh’s words from last night and what his own heart was telling him. He had fallen for the man long ago. He wasn’t ready to be left behind again, and he knew Kaveh wasn’t ready to leave, despite what he said. He would steal back Kaveh’s time and give themselves the chance the world sought to steal. He would do it, even if he died trying.