Work Text:
Clack . .
Clack . .
The pitter patter of mechanical rain was felt under her fingertips as she summed up the final grades of her students, Miss Wilson—though it was a family name and what the students call and know her as, had her gaze trained on the monitor for hours, not batting her eye away until now.
The temperature and atmosphere wasn't the best, it was freezing cold in the faculty room so it made her want to push the computer away and drop dead on the table in front of her, to top it all off, there were only a few people left in the room and none of them bothered to strike up a conversation.
Realizing how exasperated and burnt out she was, she looked around to see a few empty chairs as some of her co-workers had already left an hour ago. Alcina—the social studies teacher that every student seemed to loathe to their core, was still there, grading some papers as well. She was the only one that she was close acquaintances with in that room.
Her eyebrows were knitted and she had a ridiculous expression etched on her face, probably judging the way her students made an essay about the political and economical state of the world or whatever she asked them to do. She passed by the class one time and overheard Alcina’s lecture on inflation, and knowing the brunette, she was one to give out harsh tasks.
Oftentimes, Alcina would rant to the other woman about lousy students that choose zone out in her class. She was never laid-back and was serious about her job. The woman once advised her to loosen up a bit, but Alcina scrunched her nose at the thought and dismissed the topic, changing it all together. Though, she couldn't understand why she chose this job, despite having mentioned an entire castle in Romania that she had written to her name once, during the faculty’s night out in the bar.
Alcina sighed and leaned back in her chair, “These god-awful essays!” Donna, the biology teacher, flinched at this in the corner where she sat. Alcina noticed and immediately spared her an apologetic look for it. She took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. The other woman from across the room snapped her attention to her and gave her a look full of curiosity.
The taller woman was now rubbing her temples in an attempt to soothe herself this time. Thing is, that Alcina only does this when she's really stressed or when she's got a headache. The curious woman presumed that the students must've written the most stupid stuff that caused Alcina to have a headache like this. “Would you believe one of my students concluded that printing more money would solve inflation? Have they not been listening to me at all?” she huffed.
Her inquisitiveness was replaced with slight hilarity. She chuckled lightly, earning her a raised brow from Alcina. “That sure does seem a lot like them.” She could tell because the students were very fond of her, some even opening up about their personal problems.. Though, she didn't really mind them, if ever, she was more than delighted that her students trusted her enough to even tell her about them. In exchange, she would try and offer her best support.
“I suppose they could do better.” said the brunette as the corners of her mouth twitched into a frown, glancing at the papers while her body was turned to the woman. She on the other hand looked up to the clock in the faculty. Seeing that it was already 5:38 P.M, she decided to pack up.
“Some students try,” She said as she stood up to stretch before shutting the computer down. “as long as they have something to pass, they're okay with that.” She pulled the USB out of the port and put it inside her breast pocket.
“They could try harder..” Alcina murmured, but the other woman wasn't able to catch that as she was busy tidying up. Her and Alcina were complete opposites. Yin and Yang. Wine and Whiskey. Smooth and Rough. Everything but a reflection of each other, yet the both of them are still oblivious as to how they got along.
“I’m about to leave soon, Alcina.”
“Yes, I’ll be leaving soon as well, I just have to compile these essays into one folder.”
“Oh? I’ll wait for you then.”
“No, no, you needn't wait for me,” She made an attempt to dismiss the offer in a bashful manner “this’ll take longer than you'd anticipate.”
She realized that Alcina does take longer than she’d say she would, so she chuckled to herself and didn't press on any longer. “Alright, I'll be heading now,” She made her way to the door “I’ll see you guys monday.” She bid goodbye to the two left in the faculty.
“Take care.” Donna said in a faint voice in her corner. “Yes, take care, honey.” Added Alcina.
The hallway was dimly lit now and it caused her to form a pit in her stomach. She didn't want to think about it, but it was as if her gut feeling was anticipating something. She retrieved her car keys from her bag before strutting to the exit. Her nose gets hit with a whiff of the earthy petrichor, it calms her nerves a bit before coming to realize that it's bound to start pouring soon.
She was about to make her way to her car until she caught sight of a figure leaning against one of the lamp posts on the parking lot, while her backpack was on the pavement just beside her. She seemed to be looking down at her phone as well, taking notice that she could be a vulnerable target for attackers.
Her car wasn't parked far from the girl so she decided to approach her, only seeing then that it was Eva, one of the students that would occasionally open up to her about her problems. Whether it be her family, boys, friends, or with herself. She was Eva’s English teacher, so it was no wonder that she had formed an attachment and liking to her.
It was also ironic because the teenager was named after what she and her past lover had decided on once they were ready to adopt a child, and she treats the child like it's her own. She felt a twinge in her heart at revisiting the bitter memories because the both of them didn't exactly end it on good terms. Yes, there was the mutual understanding that they both had to be separated for good, but she never told her why. Only the consequences if they stayed with each other longer.
Once she got there, she didn't know how to approach the girl, her first instinct was to clear her throat. Though, she mentally face-palmed herself after doing so. Seeing that clearly wasn’t a good idea, because the teenager tensed up and seemed to have stood in a defensive stance when the girl suddenly turned around. She had a distraught expression, only dissipating once she saw that it was only her English teacher.
“Eva?”
The girl’s posture slumped and became more relaxed with a sheepish smile etched on her features. The older woman gave her a sympathetic look in return. The child in front of her was mentally troubled, so her acting like this when she was caught off-guard wasn't a surprise at all.
“Miss wil—!”
“What are you still doing here? Your classes ended 3 hours ago.”
“I..ran into something in the bathroom and I missed the bus..” she admitted almost bashfully.
“Have you rang a guardian yet? your mother?”
“I did. She said she's gonna be here once her shift is over.”
“Until what time does her shift end?”
“6 o’clock, miss.”
She raised an arm to check her watch and it was already 6:08. She sighed and opted to stay with the girl until her mother came to pick her up, walking closer to stand beside the girl. “How about your dad?” she asked intently, hoping to strike up a conversation while waiting.
The teen bitterly chuckled, “He doesn't wanna bother.” in which the teacher gave her a sympathetic look, praying to God to let the girl have an easier life.
“What's your mom's work?” The teacher asked with intrigue.
“She's a librarian in the local library, I visit there sometimes..when there's homework.” She had a more relaxed expression this time. The older woman noticed how the child in front of her was clearly comfortable with her presence, it made her feel commiserate—to think that she looks up to her as a parental figure was too much for her to handle.
She pitied the girl because she heard several stories from the girl about her family. She always thought that she never deserved that type of treatment. Her heart was genuinely too pure that it was almost a punishment to her father.
“Do you like reading?”
“Well, not really. But I've read a few books—my mother got me on them.”
The mention of books intrigued her, because she herself was a bookworm as well. “What are the books your mother introduced you to?” The child's brow raised at the sudden curiosity of her mentor. “Sorry, was I too intrusive?” It was her turn to give the girl a sheepish smile this time.
The girl softly chuckled, “No, not at all. I was just a bit surprised.” She then proceeded to talk about the multiple books that she got her to read, one of them being The seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo. The older woman perked up at the mention of it and asked about the book.
“It's about a journalist tasked to interview an iconic hollywood star, Evelyn Hugo, about the dresses she sold to the auction to fund the breast cancer charity. But things took a turn and the star has suddenly decided to want a biography of her about the different periods of her life with the seven husbands, leaving it to the journalists’ hands.”
The older woman saw how passionate she looked while talking about the book, “Is it your favorite?” she questioned.
“Eh, not really,” she scrunched her nose, “But the main character reminds me a lot of my mother so I might as well consider it as one of my favorites.”
Eva's teacher scratched her head in confusion whilst giving the teen a dumb-founded expression. “Your mother has seven husbands?”
The girl burst out laughing, “No! It's that no matter how many problems Evelyn went through, she still kept her head high. The world was once her kingdom,” she gazed downwards in a manner that she seemed to be remembering something. “It's also because I theorize that she used to have a lesbian lover in the past,” the teenager chortled to herself, which her teacher found amusing. “but that's just me though!”
She then began to talk about how great her mother was for the next 20 minutes, her mentor listening so attentively, the fact that it was gonna rain soon flew out of her mind. She was only reminded of it again once thunder grumbled in the distance.
“I aspire to be like her.”
The teacher softly smiled, “Your mother seems like a great woman.” The child in front of her hummed in agreement at this, But she couldn't ignore the twinging in her chest because the woman Eva was describing was almost similar to—
“She is, but I sometimes despise her for one thing.”
Her chest thumped in surprise, and when she looked at Eva with a questioning look, light droplets of rain started pouring. Luckily, they each brought an umbrella with them and used it to shield themselves from possible illnesses that could cause absentees on Monday. They took a minute to grab both of their umbrellas before continuing the conversation.
“Why is that?”
Eva pondered for a while. She was thinking, almost as if she was carefully picking the right words to say. Her teacher commended her for that—her ability to actually think before speaking. Her eyes were fixed on something far from where they were standing, she really was in deep thought. The older woman sighed and thought of giving up waiting for an answer, until the teenager broke the silence and said,
“It’s because she married my dad.”
The mentor pitied the teenager, she always knew she had daddy issues as she was always the one whom she approached whenever they had problems in the household.
But another part of her had the desire to know more. Her curiosity couldn't be contained unless Eva gave her more information, she didn't exactly know what she would benefit from it, but her gut-feeling told her to stay silent and see if she would say any more.
The teenager turned her head to her teacher now, who had been looking at her the entire time with an expression mixed with concern and confusion at the same time, but Eva paid this no mind and continued,
“Maybe she could've had a better life if she hadn't met my dad,” she sighed and teared her gaze away from her to look ahead once again, “but I want to help her, I really do. I just.. don't know how.”
She wanted to assure the girl that she'd find a way soon to help her mother, but she couldn't formulate the proper words to do so.
While she zoned out, Eva was saying something she couldn't quite make out because her thoughts were louder than those around her, that it completely blocked them out. All she could decipher was that the younger woman said something akin to “—of the devil.” She looked upwards, seeing her strut to them with a worried expression, mainly looking at Eva.
A lump formed in the older woman's throat, one that she couldn't swallow no matter how hard she tried. Eva grew concerned about how quiet the woman beside her was.
She thought she had moved on, after years of not seeing her. When in fact, she was just so engrossed in work that it served as a distraction that her feelings were, in fact, still there. She promised to stay in touch even after the break-up, but not once did the phone ring, or did she not receive mail addressed to her name that weren't from different companies.
With all the years without talking to her, she didn't even know that she sent her child to this high-school. Better yet, she didn't even know that this was her child she was conversing with until now.
Memories hit her like she was forced to run into a brick wall without any choices. From the day she left her, her grades dropped rigorously and she barely ate for the entire day. Her past roommates—who didn't really mind her, started caring for her once they saw her sorry state.
The woman told her that it was for the better when she was quite literally on her knees begging. What could've been better than her mere presence being the only one that could lift her spirits up? She could just be within proximity and she would be energized for the entire day. She never understood how it could possibly be ‘better’ if the woman who she knew loves her left her. Coming to think of it, she doubted if she ever loved her at all.
She was gorgeous even until today. The blonde hair she was known for has grayed only a wee bit in color but it didn't make her any less attractive, she was shielding her face from the small droplets of rain as she walked to them. She analyzed her, from her body language, to face. She barely changed at all, but she couldn't help but notice the fact that her eyes were devoid of the spark she was a bit too fond of.
This was the closest she'd been to her in years. The sympathetic expression was much evident now that she's seen her up-close once, she cupped her daughter’s left cheek, asking her how her day was, profusely apologizing for picking her up late, and apologizing on her father's behalf for not picking her up.
She internally chuckled, her caring nature never left. She remembered the time when she was worried sick because she found out that she wasn't with her friends at the bar, all while she was struggling for finals.
The Mother and daughter were about to leave the parking lot, until the woman spoke up.
“Miranda.” She was pale, her voice was hoarse when she said her ex-lover’s name, and she couldn't even look her in the eye properly. All these years, she had been craving for her presence—hoping for the closure that she never got.
Miranda inspected her face and gave her that smile which said that she was a tad confused. “Sorry, do we know each other?”
Her chest panged at the fact that she didn't recognize her at all, but she brushed it off and explained who she was, leaving out some parts because Eva was still there. Miranda's smile was soon replaced into a gobsmacked expression before she could control her features into that unreadable expression she had the day they first met. The other woman stared into the blonde's eyes, hoping to find that sense of familiarity. But there was none.
She wanted this. She wanted to finally confront her about it, but now that she's speaking to her face to face, she wanted nothing more but to leave on the spot where she stood and go back to her car.
She was telling her daughter to wait in the car, while staring right back at Eva’s teacher. She snapped herself out of memory lane and watched as Eva left her alone with her mother. Her heart rate raised, panic crept up her throat, and the pit in her stomach was much larger compared to when she left the school’s building.
Eva was confused but paid it no mind as she believed that it was a matter that adults needed to solve. She just hoped that her teacher wouldn't say anything about what she said about her family.
“..How have you been?”
She drew a long breath before replying to the blonde. “Well,” Wrong. “How's marriage treating you?”
The way Miranda's breath hitched did not go unnoticed despite the presence of the rain surrounding them. Maybe it was the way she tensed and her chest rose, or maybe she just knew Miranda a bit too well, she was almost her conscience.
The corners of her mouth twitched into a thin line at the mention of her marriage. But she wanted to keep up the facade so she gazed downwards, of course she had to blatantly lie about it, the woman never wanted to lower her pride for anyone. It was her ego over anything. anything at all.
“He treats me well.”
“Better than I did?”
She casually dropped the question, expecting an answer immediately. But Miranda remained silent, she couldn't even hear her breathing, it was as if she was expecting an answer from the air at this point. She heard nothing but the soft patting of the light rain against her umbrella.
She grew tired of waiting eventually and broke the silence, choosing to lower her pride for Miranda this time. But then again, hasn't she always been the one who was never prideful at all? the first to apologize when they get into a fight?
“You know I missed you a lot.”
no response.
“The day you left me, I kept wondering where I went wrong, where we went wrong,” Miranda looked up at this, the other woman saw the unshed tears which clouded the blonde's eyes, while hers widened in shock, but she continued her sentence either way. “well, you told me I didn't do anything that could make you hate me but I beg to dif—”
“Well that's all you do, don't you?” She used that tone on her whenever she was on the verge of fully breaking down. “All you do is doubt other people when they won't prove their words with actions.” Miranda defended, the tears in her eyes slowly dropping now. Her eyes widened in realization of what she just said, scared that the other woman was offended, but she knew Miranda too well. She stared at the blonde, wide-eyed, cherry picking the words to respond.
She eventually gave up when she couldn’t muster the courage to say them, so she just said everything she wanted to say to Miranda years prior. “What else was I supposed to believe, Miranda?” Emotional contagion was a bitch because she, too, was already crying. “When you said that us, separating, was for the better, you didn't even express why. And only then did I find out that you were already engaged to someone whom you barely knew. You even said— ..you promised to keep in touch with me after the break-up, why am I only speaking to you now?” Her chest heaved with every sob as she was trying to stabilize her voice to get her point across.
The blonde gulped, not knowing how to explain everything to the woman in front of her. She always wanted to give her closure, but something was stopping her from doing so. Her husband reminded her everyday that if she kept acting ‘taboo’, it would result in a divorce and he'd take full custody of their children. Maybe that was it, no mother didn't want to be away from her children after all.
Miranda was the type to remain stoic even in a time of distress, so the other woman didn't find it ridiculous when the blonde’s eyes were dropping tears while her face remained neutral. Her eyes always betrayed her emotions after all. She had always attempted to shut everyone out and put up a barrier between them, so as to not appear ‘weak’ to anyone. And because of her husband, those walls soon doubled in coating. No matter how harsh he was to her, she persevered.
She didn't show how weak she was to her children nor did she ever want to, but Eva had become so good at reading other people that she knew her mother was just putting up a persona. She hasn't shown emotion to anyone in years, afraid of the thought of expressing vulnerability. But with the woman, she can be herself. Here she is, tears staining her own cheeks at the fact that this was the way she would be speaking to her after all those years.
“I sent you letters, Miranda.”
The blonde stiffened, because she, in fact, had never received any letters addressed to her name that was from the woman recently. It was always her husband who would be the one to check the mail. And everytime he did, the house would reek of smoke. He didn't have a smoking addiction—he just burnt them before she could find out.
The blonde’s fingers twitched and she wondered what the other woman could've written on the letters. “What did you write in them?” She maintained her flat tone even when she was bothered by the entire situation, while the other didn't know what to say or do next. She remained standing, silenced by the fact that the woman hadn't been reading what she wrote.
The assumption of Miranda throwing away her letters caused her to have found no reason to further talk to the blonde about their unresolved problem. She wanted to finally address the issue, but the disheartened feeling was stronger than her craving for closure. She was bothered by Miranda not even taking the time to recognize the effort she exerted just so she could talk to her.
The woman's shoulders sagged as she slowly turned around to start walking to her car. That's the thing about her that Miranda hated up until today—it was that she was almost unpredictable when it came to her wants and needs.
“Wait—” the blonde catched up to hold her hand in place. “Why are you leaving?”
“Because I don't have a reason to stay.” she harshly retrieved her hand from the blonde’s hold, refusing to even turn back to look at the woman she once loved. Her eyes, puffy from crying now that she's stopped. She was striding to her car while Miranda followed her because she too, was desperate to reconcile with the woman. She had attempted to push her away because she simply couldn't communicate what she wanted at this time.
“What do you mean by that?” Miranda gave her a perturbed look, the other woman avoiding her glossy eyes that were mixed with confusion and misery. The woman was always open to communication, so it was an easy fix every time they argued. But this time, Miranda had difficulty in breaking the walls the other woman put up just now, so she had to break down hers.
The blonde was alarmed, only realizing now what she was doing. She wasn't going to let her walk away so casually anymore, so she grabbed her hand once again, gently this time, “Wait— I'm.. sorry..” a long pause, the other woman froze in place. “I'm in the wrong, I'm well aware, and I'm sorry for only talking to you now.”
A pause, before she continued, softly smiling to herself. “Could you believe that I sent Eva to study here because I thought I would finally be able to talk to you efficiently?” she softly remarked.
The teacher’s posture went rigid and Miranda was unsure if she had said something wrong because her back was turned.
“I missed you too, to an immeasurable amount, I cried every night while thinking of you, thinking of what we could've been if my parents hadn't found us out,” her voice indicated that she was refraining herself from sobbing with every word. “Everyday, I blamed myself for not being discreet enough. I didn't marry him out of free will. We were forced into an arrangement by a family friend, once they found out about my homosexuality..”
“I really don't know the letters you're talking about..—I’m not the one who checks our mail and my husband probably did something to it and I- I really didn't know about the letters until you mentioned it, my love..so please..please forgive me. If I had to bruise my knees and hoarse my voice asking for your forgiveness, I would gladly do so.”
In the middle of her rambling, the rain started hitting the parking ground heavily and the other woman reluctantly turned around to face Miranda, taking one huge step towards her to shield her with the umbrella as well. As awkward as this was, she didn't want the blonde to catch a cold. She had a husband, that was punishment enough.
Miranda stared at her with a dumbfounded look, her eyes were puffy, some droplets of the rain left marks on her clothes, and her nose was red from crying. To the eyes of the woman in front of her, she looked even more bewitching this way.
She was already trained for emotional endurance and was fond of the different types of students she met every year, some rowdy, some quiet. She was a strong woman and usually didn't have emotional contagion, but she couldn't handle the sight of her former lover crying in front of her—crying because of them. She was too weak for Miranda, no matter the amount of torment the universe puts her through, she will always be weak for Miranda.
The blonde whispered her name in a faint manner, causing her to hold back a smile. She gulped hard, Miranda scooted closer and cupped the woman's cheeks with both hands, pressing her forehead to hers while muttering her name. “It’s always been you who occupied my thoughts since the day I got married to him,” her voice strained, “I..I still love you.”
Pitter . .
Patter . .
The woman loosened her grasp on the umbrella until it fell on the floor with a soft thud. All these years, she's now felt the ghost of her touch. The lingering lack of comfort was soon replaced with security—the security that they both had back when they were young and clueless, willing to grow with each other. Tears were dropping again, unsure of what to reply to Miranda after her emotions had just come undone after almost a decade.
They stayed in position like that for 5 minutes straight. Silence overtook them, neither wanting to break it. They were soaked but they didn't care. All they acknowledged was that they were finally holding each other again, without worrying about the prying eyes.
Miranda reached out to hug the other woman, but the sentiment was not returned, leaving a very confused Miranda as if she's got her arms wrapped around an inanimate object.
The other woman pondered, while her past lover was wrapped around her. She couldn't lie that she didn't like this, but going against her morals would be something she would never forgive herself for. She was aware that Miranda was not content with her husband, but it didn't give her any motivation to wreck their marriage.
“You have a husband, Miri.”
“I’ll gladly file an annulment.”
The teacher let out a huff at this, “.. You're ridiculous.”
“I know.”
The woman wasn't surprised that Miranda was still the stubborn, hard-headed woman she fell in love with, but it never made her love Miranda any less, as it was quite the opposite.
The teacher had decided to slowly wrap her arms around the blonde, holding her tightly, neither of them wanting to let go. They both longed for this moment—to hold each other again in an embrace. They stood there in silence, hearing nothing but the pattering of the rain they didn't care for anymore.