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FN-2187 knew about Sentinels and Guides, but only because the First Order had given him the standard rundown of how the Sentinels and Guides were a danger, how their loyalty was not in the right place. He had trouble understanding where exactly Sentinels and Guides would place their loyalty if not with the First Order, but he had learned not to question what the First Order told him.
FN-2187 knew the symptoms of being a Sentinel or Guide, and that if any of the Stormtroopers in his squadron were showing these symptoms, he knew to report it immediately.
Sentinels were needlessly aggressive and possessive, and their senses were elevated enough to cause the Sentinel discomfort. Flinching at lights, snapping when brushed against, and outbursts of extreme anger were all signs that someone might be a Sentinel, and protocol stated that any Stormtrooper who noticed these symptoms should report them immediately. Stormtroopers were told to control their emotions, and that was something a Sentinel couldn’t do.
Guides were more difficult to diagnose, but just as dangerous. A Guide could easily pick up on the emotions of a room, and could often influence these emotions. In high-stress situations involving large crowds, Guides often experienced heightened anxiety and panic attacks. An unchecked Guide among the ranks of average Stormtroopers could cause problems for the smooth running of missions, so any person showing signs of being a Guide should be reported immediately.
FN-2187 didn’t know the purpose of Guides and Sentinels, and from the way the First Order spoke of them, they sounded more like people suffering from horrible conditions than something that should be feared, like the First Order demanded.
When FN-2187 was still far from being able to fit into Stormtrooper armor, still in training, two of the boys who lived in his barracks (FN-2396 and FN-2371) started arguing. FN-2187 wasn’t close enough to hear what had started the argument, but he could feel their anger as clearly as if it was his own. He could also feel the agitation of the rest of the boys is the barracks, buffering against his mind. It was a strange sensation that he didn’t understand.
It was even worse when FN-2371 threw the first punch, and the two boys began fighting. Fear began to spread, because every Stormtrooper in training knew that fights were prohibited, and that everyone involved would be severely punished by the Captain of their unit.
Fear was much more powerful than agitation, especially when shared with at least twenty boys. FN-2187 tried not to visibly react to these feelings, but they dragged across his skin like sandpaper. He wanted nothing more than for these feelings to stop. When they became too much, FN-2187 did what his body was telling him to do: he forced himself to feel as calm as possible and pushed this feeling outward. He was astonished to see that the fight was slowly petering out, and that the boys around were back to their own duties.
FN-2187 did not want to admit that he was a Guide, like the First Order had warned him about, but what other explanation did he have for being able to influence the crowd’s behavior? Since nobody had seemed to notice, he was sure he could keep it a secret. He doubted he’d be a danger to the First Order; they’d have no reason to suspect he was any different from the other Stormtroopers. He wouldn’t be a problem.
FN-2187 didn’t think about his condition much, purposefully keeping it to the back of his mind, until his first real mission on Jakku. On the shuttle from the Finalizer to the village, FN-2187 could feel the apprehension of the other Stormtroopers, and as they got closer to the village, he could feel the fear of hundreds of people like a wave washing over him, and he had to fight not to break attention and double over in pain. They were causing all these people to feel this fear, and FN-2187 was a part of that.
It was worse once they landed, and the fighting began. There was fear, and there was so much anger that FN-2187’s thoughts were being clouded and he was having trouble thinking clearly. Was this the danger that Guides caused? The First Order had always told them that every Stormtrooper counted, that one poor performance could cost lives and possibly even a battle for the First Order. FN-2187 was definitely under-performing. He hadn’t even fired his blaster yet.
Pain started to fill the air as well, and when FN-2003 fell from blaster fire, the pain clogged in FN-2187’s throat and made it difficult to breathe.
He noticed something strange then, a sort of tugging in his stomach that wasn’t painful, but wasn’t comfortable either. It was a distraction from the swirling torrent of other people’s emotions around him, but it was incessant and made FN-2187 dizzy.
When Kylo Ren dragged the Resistance pilot into the center of the village, FN-2187’s heart skipped a beat and his breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t help but watch the exchange between Ren and the pilot, fighting the urge to move closer, to put himself between them. It was a strange urge.
They ended up carting the pilot off into the belly of one of the shuttles, and FN-2187 was forced to turn back to the other Stormtroopers and the rest of the villagers.
If the pain and fear had been intense in the beginning, it was nothing compared to the barrage of feeling that hit FN-2187 when the troopers started open-firing on the villagers. He stood frozen, gloved hands held to the sides of his helmet as though that would protect him from the onslaught. The air was filled with screams and blaster fire, and he was unable to keep any of it out of his head.
As Kylo Ren stepped past FN-2187, he turned his head, and even through the blankness of the mask, FN-2187 felt caught bare, as if Ren knew his every secret, as if he could tell right away what FN-2187 was hiding.
Once he was back on the Finalizer, FN-2187 knew what he had to do. It was simple work, walking into the prisoner bank and freeing the pilot from his bonds, ushering him along with a blaster held to his back. It felt like the right thing to do, and it eased the tugging he still felt in his stomach. When he pushed the pilot into the alcove and removed his helmet, the shifting world fell into place.
“Holy shit,” the pilot breathed, reaching for him, and FN-2187 could do nothing but grab onto leather-clad arms and stare into wide brown eyes. Somehow, he could tell that this man was a Sentinel, even though he had never met one, and that there was something very important about the fact that he was a Sentinel.
Everything inside of FN-2187 was telling him to pull the Sentinel as close as he could, to protect him from everyone who wanted to hurt him, to make his pain go away.
He could feel the man’s confusion and his lingering pain, as well as the swell of excitement and affection that was directed at FN-2187 for reasons he couldn’t place. He had never been able to feel another’s emotions this clearly.
There were heavy footsteps from outside their alcove, and FN-2187 shook himself. “This is a rescue. I’m helping you escape,” he said, trying to stay focused on the plan and not the handsome face in front of him. “Can you fly a TIE fighter?”
“Are you with the Resistance?” the pilot asked, breathless, sizing him up. FN-2187 had never found someone’s scrutiny so important, but something about this man made him want to straighten, show him the best of what FN-2187 was.
“What? No.” FN-2187 shook his head. “I’m breaking you out. Can you fly a TIE fighter?”
A slick smile stretched across the pilot’s face. “I can fly anything.”
Affection and adoration, fierce and surprising, coursed through FN-2187. “You’re just the pilot I need.”
FN-2187 shoved the helmet back on his head, hating the way it muffled the world around him, and had the absurd notion that it was separating him from the man who was making him experience the strangest sensations he had ever felt.
“Stay calm, stay calm,” he said, blaster held to the back of the pilot’s brown leather jacket.
“I am calm.”
“I’m talking to myself.”
There was a hitch in the plan when the fighter was still tethered to the base, but that was resolved in a matter of seconds in which FN-2187 got used to the weapon controls and took out a good chunk of the other fighters and caused chaos in the hangar bay.
It seemed that FN-2187 and the Resistance pilot made a great team, and FN-2187 whooped in excitement when he took out the cannons, smiling as the pilot celebrated right along with him.
“Hey, what’s your name, buddy?”
“FN-2187.”
“FN…what?”
“It’s the only name they ever gave me.” And now, sitting in the fighter with the dashing Sentinel pilot who seemed to trust him even though he had just met him, it felt wrong. He didn’t even have a real name.
“Well, I’m not calling you that. My Guide needs a name of his own. FN, huh?” There was a momentary pause. “Finn. I’m going to call you Finn. That all right?”
Finn. A name of his own. “Finn. Yes, I like that.”
“I’m Poe. Poe Dameron.”
“Good to meet you, Poe.”
“And it’s good to finally meet you, Finn. When we get out of this mess, we’ll talk, okay? We’ll talk.”
Finn wasn’t sure what it was they would be talking about, but if it had anything to do with the overwhelming affection Finn was feeling for Poe that Poe seemed to feel right back, it made sense. “Hey, where are we going?” Finn, asked, not understanding their trajectory.
“Back to Jakku, that’s where.”
Finn filled with sudden panic. “No, no, we can’t go back to Jakku! We have to get out of this system!”
“I got to get my droid before the First Order does.”
“Your droid?”
“It’s a BB unit, orange and white, one of a kind.”
“I don’t care what color it is! No droid can be that important.”
“This one is, pal!”
“We have to move as far away from the First Order as we can. If we go back to Jakku, we die.”
“The droid has a map that leads straight to Luke Skywalker.”
Finn had thought he knew what he was getting into when he rescued the Resistance pilot, but he had had no idea. Now, in addition to whatever was happening between him and Poe, there was a droid with a secret map hidden inside it that required that they stay in close reach of the First Order.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”
And that was when their fighter was hit with a blast from the Finalizer, and suddenly they were plummeting to Jakku.
Finn had never truly experienced loss. The only time he had really lost a friend was when FN-2003 had gone down on that first mission to Jakku, but even then, Finn had only felt the pain and sorrow that the villagers around him were feeling, his own emotions swept away in the tide. He hadn’t been close to FN-2003; close friendship and loyalty between troopers was discouraged by the First Order, and Finn had always followed orders to make up for the huge secret he was hiding.
Nothing had prepared him for the pain he felt upon watching the smoking TIE fighter sink into the sand, knowing that Poe Dameron was most likely still inside. Finn stumbled back, losing his footing and falling on his rear in the soft sand, clutching the soft leather of Poe’s flight jacket in a tight fist. A sob rose unbidden from his throat, despair making it difficult to breath and prickling at his eyes.
“Poe,” he whispered, and all he could think of was the belonging he had felt holding the man’s arms and knowing that Poe was feeling it too. Now that was gone, and Finn was alone. He held the jacket to his face, breathing in the strangely familiar smell and knowing that this jacket was all he would ever have of Poe.
Slipping the leather jacket over his shoulders, Finn knew he had to get out of this desert or he would die, so trying to put everything but survival out of his mind, he started walking in the most likely direction, eyes squinted against the terrible Jakku sun.
Meeting Rey, Finn thought that maybe he wasn’t destined to be alone, but that meeting was darkened by the sight of the little orange and white droid, knowing who that droid belonged to and the importance it held.
The excitement of fleeing from their pursuers and hopping aboard the old ship was a great distraction, and it wasn’t until they were safely in space that Finn was reminded of why there was an ache in his chest that wasn’t easing.
“You’re a Guide, aren’t you? I can feel it.”
Finn blinked, handing her the wrench she had demanded and watching as she ducked back into the compartment and fiddled with equipment Finn thought all looked the same. “How can you tell?”
“It’s something you pick up, living out there. Unbonded Sentinels are dangerous, and it’s always a good idea to make sure you’re not getting too close to a Sentinel’s Guide.”
“Unbonded? What does that mean?”
She poked her head back out of the compartment and narrowed her eyes. “You’re freshly bonded, I can feel that too. Where’s your Sentinel? They must be going crazy having you so far away. Certainly you can feel the discomfort now, separated from your new Sentinel like this.”
He blinked. He did feel discomfort bubbling in his stomach, but none of this was making sense. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She seemed astonished. “Sentinels and Guides come in pairs, like soulmates. When a pair first meets, they’re very territorial, and it’s often dangerous for them to be apart for too long while bonding is happening.”
It was obvious why the First Order hadn’t told them about the soulmate aspect of Sentinels and Guides, but Finn wished he had known that when he met Poe Dameron. Perhaps he would have acted differently, made sure that Poe had known he was important before they had gone out on that TIE fighter. The immediate connection he had with Poe made sense now. Poe was his soulmate, and now he was dead.
Finn was silent for a few moments, taking in the new information and trying to keep his breathing even. “Wh-what happens when one half of a pair dies?”
Rey stared up at him with big eyes. “You wouldn’t be standing if your Sentinel was dead, Finn. Apparently the pain is unbearable.”
“I am feeling pain.”
“That’s because you’re separated from your Sentinel. If they were dead, you’d know.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you really from the Resistance? You seem sheltered to me.”
“BB-8,” he murmured to the droid, wide smile growing on his face and relief spreading through his limbs. “Poe is alive.”
The droid gave what was undeniably a happy twitter, and Rey’s face bloomed with understanding.
Finn had a soulmate, and he was alive.
BB-8 hit the back of his legs at high speed, nearly knocking him off his feet. “Hey!” Finn complained, watching as the droid took off down the tarmac towards one of the X-wings. That’s when Finn spotted Poe, crouching down to speak to the droid with a small smile on his face. Then he looked up, eyes wide.
The world narrowed down to Poe, running down the tarmac with a frantic expression, and then Finn was running, and they were colliding in a tight hug as if there was no one else around them.
“I thought you were dead,” Finn breathed, holding on as tightly as he could. Pieces of Poe’s flight suit were digging into his chest, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was Poe, alive and in his arms, his breath warm on the side of Finn’s neck and his arms tight around Finn’s back.
Poe pulled back just far enough to look Finn in the eyes. His eyebrows were pulled together. “Couldn’t you tell I was alive?”
Finn shook his head. “There are a lot of things they don’t teach you in the First Order.”
Poe’s expression turned to one of anger. “We’re going to destroy the First Order, Finn. If I have to do it myself, I will.” He was derailed, sliding his hands down the edges of the leather jacket. “Are you wearing my jacket?”
Finn made to take it off, stopping when Poe laid a hand over Finn’s. “No, no, no. Keep it, it suits you.” He bit his lip, looking Finn up and down, and Finn felt warm under that gaze. He wanted to pull Poe close, press his face into Poe’s shoulder and never let go.
“There’s a lot we have to do right now, and it’s going to be really difficult,” Poe said, sighing. “But we need to stop the First Order. After that, Finn, I’m not leaving you. We’ll spend like a month with no outside contact, and we’ll figure this out.”
“Are all of these feelings... normal?” He leaned in closer to Poe. “I don’t want anyone to touch you. I don’t want anyone who’s not you to touch me. I’ve never been possessive.”
Poe gave a soft smile. “All of these feelings are normal, I promise. We’re in the bonding process.”
There was a shout from behind them, and Poe’s hands tightened on Finn’s arms. “I need to get going.” Before Finn had time to react, Poe was giving Finn a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth and pulling away. “I promise you, Finn, we’ll have all the time we need after all of this is over.”
“Stay safe,” Finn murmured.
Poe’s eyes were bright. “You too, Guide of my heart.”
The words seemed to dance in the air between them, sounding archaic but sweet, and Finn realized there was a lot the First Order had sheltered him from. It wasn’t fair for him or Poe that Finn was so uneducated about everything, and it made him angry to think about it.
Finn watched Poe walk away, his heart aching and wanting nothing more than to chase him, grab him, and shelter him from the world.
Kylo Ren stood in front of him, jagged red lightsaber extending from his hand, face twisted with rage.
“I know who you are, FN-2187,” he growled, and Finn held the blue lightsaber tighter, shielding his face with it. “You are nothing but a traitor and a liar who was hiding among our ranks. Surely you knew hiding your identity as a Guide would do nothing but harm.”
“Shut up!” Everything was freezing. His nose and ears were points of ice, and his hands felt frozen to the metal casing of the lightsaber in his grip. He could sense that Ren was a Sentinel in a way he had never been able to before he met Poe. Ren was untethered and wild, and Finn couldn’t help but wonder who his Guide was. He felt sorry for the poor soul stuck with this dreadful man who had just murdered his own father in cold blood. Perhaps Ren’s Guide was dead, and that was what had driven Ren mad.
Ren crept closer, the saber illuminating his face in terrible red. “Do you really think that pilot will fill the empty hole in your soul? Do you think anyone could love a traitor like you?”
Finn knew that Ren was provoking him, but it was hard not to feel the anger coursing through his blood at hearing these words. He gritted his teeth and tried to force the anger down.
“Perhaps Dameron will miss you, but I’m sure he’s faced worse loss. He’ll get over your death.” Ren came at him, swinging that awful weapon, and it was everything Finn could do to keep it from connecting with his skin. The sound of the sabers colliding was loud among the trees, and Finn’s panting felt even louder. Ren’s eyes bore straight into his soul, and he couldn’t escape it.
He fought wildly, doing everything he could just to keep Ren from killing him, but it wasn't enough. His last thoughts when the red lightsaber slashed through his back in a searing wash of pain, were of how this would hurt Poe.
Muffled pain filtered through Finn’s awareness, dragging him to the surface of consciousness with reluctance. He groaned.
“Finn? Hey, Finn, buddy, I’m here.” A warm hand gripped Finn’s upper arm, helping to bring Finn to awareness.
Finn blinked awake, unsure where he was until his gaze landed on medical machinery and the sterile white that was common of all medical quarters. He was lying on his back in a blue gown, sheets pulled up to his chest, pillows propped under his head so he wasn’t looking straight up at the ceiling. He shifted his gaze over to Poe, whose chair was pulled up so close to the bed that the armrests were touching the mattress. Poe’s hand was a warm weight on Finn’s arm.
“Hey, Finn, how are you feeling?” Poe asked, brown eyes soft. He was cleaned up, his dark hair brushed back from his forehead and his face freshly shaven, wearing casual clothing. He had dark circles under his eyes, but he was giving Finn a tired, genuine smile.
Finn could feel the cloudiness that came from painkillers and wondered just how bad his injuries were. Underneath the blanket of numbness, Finn could sense an aching along his back and right shoulder that felt deep, a sign of a deep wound healing.
“I’m okay,” he responded, voice rasping from disuse. “Where’s Rey?”
“She’s off to find Luke Skywalker, if you can believe it. Your friend sure has fire in her.” Poe’s expression seemed fond, but Finn wasn’t surprised. It was hard not to be fond of Rey.
“Rey was never meant to be stranded in one place,” Finn agreed. “She’s doing what she needs to be doing.” Finn searched Poe’s face for anything else, but saw only aching relief there. Finn found he wanted Poe closer, wanted to be able to reach his face. “How long have I been out?”
Poe grimaced. “Three weeks. They had to completely re-seal your spinal column. They were worried you wouldn’t wake.”
Finn could feel a ghost of the anguish and worry Poe had felt during those three weeks, and he pushed a blanket of calm and affection over the sore emotions, watching as Poe’s stiff frame eased and how he leaned closer to Finn.
“You were worried about me.” He squinted. "You nearly attacked the doctor who told you I might not wake up."
Poe’s face did something strange, like he was trying to hide a wince with a grin, but failed. “Yeah, not my best moment. I try not to let instincts get the best of me, but while you were recovering, it was hard. Luckily, the doctor knows how to handle Guides and Sentinels.” His hand slipped down Finn’s arm and cupped over Finn’s hand, warm and rough. “Losing you would do me in, you know.”
Finn laced their fingers together, enjoying the comfort in the gesture, and the little pulses of emotion he was getting from Poe. “I wish I would have known you were my match, when I first met you. I only knew what Guides and Sentinels were, but didn’t know they went together.”
“I’m sure the First Order wasn’t big on romance and self-care.”
“They, uh, they actually warned us that Guides and Sentinels were dangerous and must be reported immediately. I think they executed ones that were discovered. They were too unwieldy to be trusted among Stormtrooper ranks.”
Poe’s face went dark. “Fuck the First Order,” he muttered, shaking his head. “So you grew up hiding your identity and having no idea what it meant. You had no idea you were one half of a whole and that everything you were feeling was completely normal, no idea what it’s like to be in a bonded pair.”
Finn squeezed Poe’s hand. “I didn’t, but it’s never too late to learn. I’m very glad I found you.”
Poe’s smile was bright, flashing across his face like the clouds parting to reveal the sun.
As soon as Finn was discharged from the medbay, Poe dragged him off to his quarters, stating that there was no way Finn was going to stay anywhere else, showing him that the quartermaster had already exchanged the small bed in Poe’s room for a slightly larger one. General Organa had given them two weeks of leave to finish bonding, a gentle smile on her face as she dismissed them.
“Normally, when a Guide and a Sentinel first meet each other, they’re given at least three weeks in isolation so they can bond in peace. It’s the safest way to do it, so let me tell you, what we went through was unorthodox and, honestly, unethical.” Poe was sprawled out with his head resting in Finn’s lap on the bed, and Finn was leaning against the wall, legs stretched across the mattress.
“Did we cause any lasting damage, staying apart like that?” Finn asked, worried. He had his fingers buried in Poe’s dark hair, enjoying the way Poe was nearly purring.
“Since it was only two days, we’ll be fine. Any longer and there would have been complications. Sentinels have gone mad from being separated from their Guide for too long during bonding.”
“Tell me again what it feels like to be a Sentinel,” Finn said, staring down into Poe’s dark eyes, which were warm with contentment.
Poe looked up at Finn, shrugging. “Well, when unbonded, it’s a struggle. My senses are enhanced, which really helps with flying, but it can also be painful. Every stimulus is more intense, and I always got angry, really quickly. People tended to tiptoe around me, knowing I wasn’t bonded, even though I’m generally more easygoing than other Sentinels, so that just goes to show how testy Sentinels can be.”
“What about now, after meeting your Guide?”
“I feel more settled, and most of my senses have become attuned to you and less unruly. I can already recognize your scent, and the fact that you smell of other people is agitating to me. That’s controllable, but it’s a constant thought in the back of my mind. The thought of anyone touching you, now, is unbearable. I wouldn’t allow it. That will wear off in a few days.”
Finn was awed, even though he had heard this already. He was possessive of Poe, but not as intensely as Poe was describing. It felt good to know Poe belonged to him and he belonged to Poe. Belonging was something new.
“What do you feel, Finn?”
Poe sat up, scooting back so that his shoulder was leaning against Finn’s, their faces close. He hooked his leg over Finn's, waiting for Finn’s response.
“I can feel your emotions, nearly as well as I feel my own. I know that if you get agitated, I can help ease your agitation with my mind. I feel like I’m what’s tethering you to the ground.” Finn chuckled. “Nearly literally.”
Poe smiled, kissing Finn’s jaw, and then moving in to kiss him on the mouth when Finn turned his head. The kiss was sweet, but Finn felt how it could easily turn into something much more heated. They both knew they weren’t ready for that step, just yet. It would come in time.
Poe broke the kiss, moving so that he was pushing his face into Finn’s neck, nose skimming against sensitive skin in a gesture both comforting and necessary for the scent it provided Poe. Finn pressed his chin into dark hair, wrapping an arm around Poe’s back and knowing that this was where he belonged, with Poe, with the Resistance, among people that he could join in doing what he knew was right.