Chapter Text
It was just yesterday when they met. Well, at least that's how it seemed.
Monika would stare down at the grave of Sayori, harshly eyeing the engraving that showed how the seemingly happy girl looked. Looks? Monika really couldn't tell anymore. Her frequent dissociation and depersonalization ever since Sayori landed herself in the hospital for the first time seemed to skew her way of thinking, and especially her sense of time. Nothing ever seemed real or right anymore.
The slim girl lowered herself, folding her knees beneath her and resting her body on them. Placing her forehead at the top of the headstone, she hiccupped, "I can't cry. Not now, not ever. Especially because of this."
Monika closed her eyes. She took in a shaky and shallow breath, "I don't want to make her sad, now do I?"
She slowly moved her body upwards, into a straight and proper position. The brunette gripped onto the bouquet of pink flowers she had prepared for Sayori. Placing them down horizontally against the headstone, Monika hesitated for a moment, "I hope you like them, Sayo. I mixed and matched your favorite flowers." She dawned a weak smile before continuing, "The old lady at the flower shop wouldn't let me choose multiple flowers to mix up. So I had to explain. I told her it was for a loved one. A sick one at that."
Monika's voice started to quiver, "I- I got these about a week ago, y'know. I bought them for when you would wake up. Before you- you.."
The tall girl stuttered, trying to keep her composure. However, this front didn't last long, for Monika could feel her heart collapse and break into many pieces.
"J-Jeez, Sayori.. I just- I just don't understand." She stuttered, "Gosh, I don't even know what to say, haha. We can sit here in silence, if you'd like."
Monika sat next to the freshly polished headstone, wrapping her arm around it, "And don't worry about the dirt getting all over my cardigan; I bought a nice detergent just for this occasion!" She shared a shallow chuckle with herself before falling silent once more.
The tall brunette stared down at her lap, "I'm.. Just waiting for you to come back, y'know?" Tears started to sting the corners of her eyes, "I miss you, Sayo. When will you come back?" Monika glanced over at the headstone before pulling out her phone to check the time, "It's almost dinner time. I have to get back and cook for us, haha."
Monika stood up. She didn't know what to do or say next, "Well, um.. I guess I'll go now. But you know the drill, I'll come back some time tomorrow, I promise." The well-dressed girl clicked her tongue and simultaneously did finger guns. She sighed, pressing a kiss to her hand before placing the same hand on the top of Sayori's headstone.
"Um, goodbye, for now at least." Monika awkwardly rubbed her arm.
'You know I don't like goodbyes, silly! Just think of this as a short and temporary thing.'
Monika heard these words echo throughout her head. Some of the last lines of Sayori's note had completely left Monika's mind this past week and a half. It was jarring, how did she suddenly remember such a thing?
"Sayo- I.." The tears that had been ruthlessly stinging and prodding at the corners of Monika's eyes finally fell, "I'll.. See you later." She nodded, glancing at the clean headstone before slowly walking off.
---
Monika sat at her kitchen table, eyeing the plate of food that sat on the other side of the table. She had already finished her plate, however Sayori had not.
"I.. Better finish it for her." Without thinking, Monika slid the plate over to herself, quickly and impatiently eating the food. It seemed like no time had passed between grabbing the plate and finishing it. She looked down at her shaking hands, "Oh God."
A wave of immense guilt washed over Monika, making her unable to breathe, "I- I.. Oh my God."
She quickly arose, pushing her chair aside to rush into the bathroom. Getting down on her knees, she gripped the sides of the toilet seat. A rush of half-digested food exited her stomach, into the bowl of the toilet. Whenever she was done, she poked two fingers down her throat, making her gag and vomit more.
By the time she was done, her face and throat stung. The putrid smell of vomit laced the area around her. Tears, mucus, and saliva streamed down her face. She hiccupped, sobbing and letting her head fall onto her crossed arms, "I'm so fucking disgusting. Why would I eat her portion? I- She.."
Monika continued this pattern of rambling to herself for a while. Soon enough, she shakily stood up, barely able to hold herself on her own two feet. She wiped off her face with some toilet paper, looking in the mirror afterwards. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, her skin more pale than usual. Monika brought a hand up to her face, feeling her own soft skin, "Why?"
That was the one and only question she had been able to ask herself for these past two weeks.
Why?
Why had Sayori done what she did? Sure she was sad and all, but it couldn't have been that bad, could it? After all, Monika had given Sayori chances to go to therapy.
Why did nothing ever seem to help deal with the pain? Monika wanted Sayori back, but it was never going to happen. Not yet, at least.
Why, why, why? Absolutely nothing made any sort of sense anymore. Was Monika living in a dream? No, it had to have been some twisted nightmare. A twisted nightmare taking advantage of her biggest fears.
It had to be a nightmare.
She was going to wake up soon, right?
Right?