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this is it, fan thought. he finally arrived at the roof, breathing heavily. maybe he should've used the elevator, but its too late to go back. this is it. this is it. this is it. the motif repeats in his head like a clock ticking slowly. he walks to the railing.
a heavy sigh flows from his mouth. this is it. he takes off his shoes and sets them down near the railing. this is it. he takes off his sweater and sets his shoes on top so it doesnt blow. this is it. he slips the suicide note in his right shoe. this is it. he steps up, now inches away from falling down and ending it all. this is... it?
he stares at the road. this is what he wants.
....right?
he wont be a burden to anybody anymore— especially his roomate, paintbrush. the hotel will be much more quiet without him, like everyone wants. nobody will have to worry about him. paintbrush wont have to drag him downstairs for dinner anymore. nobody will have to tell him to shut up.
but. is this really it? its not like anybodies going to miss him, so theres no point in staying. theres no point in backing off now. this is for everybodies good. doing them all a favor. the hotel will be so much better without him, and he knows it. he's heard people talk about him as soon as he leaves the room. nothing serious, usually, but it still proves his point.
if he and everybody else wants this, then why is he shaking? why is he scared to jump? why CANT he jump?? why is he having second thoughts?
as soon as he decides to actually jump, the roof door opens.
its paintbrush.
"FAN?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" they shout.
what? he stands still. staring at the ground all the way down.
"FAN, PLEASE!!! DONT!!!!" they shout again.
why do they care? dont they hate him??
they run over to fan, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him down with them to the ground. they pull him close and rest their head between his neck and his shoulder. his shirt gets wet after a few seconds. are they... crying?
"Fan.. why..?? why were you going to...?" they sob.
why do they care? they hate him. they should hate him. hell, they should've PUSHED him.
"...why do you care?" he asks.
"what?? of COURSE i care!? you are one of my best friends, fan!!! of fucking COURSE im going to care!!!" they reply.
after maybe a minute (or less) fan also starts to cry. he doesnt know why. he cant tell if its because of what paintbrush said or if its because of the fact they didnt let him jump. he was so close..
a little bit later and he falls asleep in their arms. they stand up with him and take his things before bringing him back to their hotel room. they lay him in his bed, setting his stuff beside it. they change into their bed clothes and climb in next to him to make sure he doesnt get up in the middle of the night to try again.
its nice, the warm embrace they bring. maybe he wont go back tomorrow. for now, he'll just stay with paintbrush.