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Claire lets out a sigh as she keeps her hands in her lap, occasionally looking out the window, but never for too long. It always felt wrong to look for too long, like someone was going to yell at her for looking the wrong way, even if she knew that she was just overthinking.
The auburn-haired woman swallows upon feeling the bus rumble underneath her, starting to move towards its first of many destinations; the tall woman driving the bus had said that it would take at least half an hour to get to her destination, meaning Claire had to kill the time somehow.
She had been informed that she would be allowed regular visits to Sherry Birkin; the promise of seeing the little girl had become the only anchor she had; Sherry had quickly become like her own family; and honestly, it just felt right, that way;
ever since the events of Rockfort, and the demise of Steve, it felt like there was no more fight left in her, like it ebbed away, and seeped from her being; just as Steve had ebbed away in her arms.
Now, she just felt tired, constantly feeling as if she had run a marathon.
Claire didn’t realize she was tapping her fingers softly against her forearm until the passenger next to her, a man in a dull green turtleneck, expressed concern; tilting his head slightly as he looked at her, “Are you alright? You’re fidgeting a lot..” his eyebrows were furrowed, almost pulled together. Claire swallowed, not being able to meet his eyes while she gently tucks her hand into her lap, stammering out an apology; and mouthing an echo of it once the man went back to reading his book; as the nineteen-year-old blankly stared at the back of the bus driver's seat, looking at the blackish-gray leather without really meaning to.
Claire let out a sigh, one that seemed heavier than she initially thought; her mind almost instantly darting back to Sherry.
Sherry surely resents me for what I did, Claire thought, How could she not? I just .. abandoned her and Leon in Arklay County.. Left them to be taken by the government, the tone in her head becoming bitter, like it loved to do. I left them to go play adventure with some strange boy.
The words were like a bitter candy, they tasted gross, sickening on her tongue; hurting her to even say it. Her breath hitches, Steve, he wasn’t just a strange boy... He was so much more to her than that, he was a confidant, someone she could see herself loving, someone she did love. She had loved him so much, someone she had known for just a day....
But no matter how much she begged, pleaded with herself to reel everything back in, to start thinking rationally now, she just couldn’t. Her mind refused to do it; becoming its own tormentor.
Her mind fell deeper; lingering on that time she and Steve had spent together, the dancing puzzle, when she had been able to hold him in a 'dipping' motion at the end of the dance; him jumping in fright when the door behind him had opened. How she had to stifle her own laughter at his tough guy act breaking.
She felt her hands clench into fists in her lap, I failed Sherry by going off on my own, she felt that tired, aching pain in her throat, suddenly, it felt raw and tired, and she felt her shoulders shake, an action that she tried to keep hold of, tried to pacify it. Tried to herd in her feelings, to bottle them up as much as she could, shielding her turmoil like those dragons in fairytales had always shielded the princess in her tower, as she waited for a knight. C’mon, you can do it! Chris does it all the time, why can’t you? She tells herself.
I’m crying, she realizes with that same air of self-loathing.
And I should be.
Sherry has every right to hate me, to wish to never see me again after I abandoned her.
In her right mind, she knew that Sherry wouldn’t hate her, she had even encouraged Claire to go off to find Chris, along with Leon. Sherry would never hold resentment over her for making sure that others in her family were safe.
Back then, Claire supposed, Sherry and Leon were probably expecting to be able to go back to as normal a life as they could after raccoon, she knew she was. And Claire's talk about the movie nights she and Chris used to have with Barry's family had only made their anticipation stronger.
Claire felt the bus come to a stop, and the driver looked up at the mirror in the middle of the front of the bus, glancing up at her.
“This is your stop, miss”
Claire nods, but doesn’t look up, just yet, as she gathers her bag and pulls her vest around herself more as she gets up to stand. “Did I already pay you?” she looks at the driver, trying to keep her gaze away from the passengers behind her awkwardly; fearing that she might be taking too long.
A wave of relief washes over her as the driver nods, and she quickly turns around to go into the home, steeling herself for what was about to happen.
If there was one word for the feeling that the interior of the house gave off, it would be suffocating; the feeling of being trapped like a rat in a cage, under constant surveillance.
With another swallow, she quickly treads off in the direction of Sherry’s room.
The door creaked open as Claire pushed against it, both dreading and elating the idea of finally seeing Sherry again.
She gulped as she saw the girl on her bed, looking in her direction for a second before her entire facial expression changed.
Sherry beams up at her, but not before she almost trips over herself and the clutter on her floor as she ran to quickly wrap her arms around Claire in a tight hug before the nineteen-year-old could even crouch, as if afraid that Claire would run off.
Again, Claire thought to herself.
Sherry gave her time to crouch down to her level, and quickly took her in another hug, burying her face in the woman's shoulder as she felt her body wrack with sobs; sobs of pain, sobs of frustration, sobs of joy.
Claire feels her heart shatter as she hugs Sherry’s trembling form.
“C-claaiiree…” Sherry’s voice was muffled by Claire’s shoulder, “Cla-claire I-I hate... I-” She could hardly get a word out; Claire’s eyes softened.
“Hey, it’s okay... Take your time... Don’t rush,” Claire reassured her. Sherry’s hug became tighter as she tried to control her hiccuping breaths.
With a glance at Claire, Sherry swallows, biting at her tongue before finally willing herself to speak.
“I hate it h-here..” She sniffles, not giving time for Claire to respond for fear that she won’t be able to continue, her words pouring like a waterfall now that she’s broken the dam. “I hate the experiments, the needles, the constant blood drawing, I hate it all..”
Claire makes a motion to hug her again, pausing to make sure Sherry’s okay with another.
“I-I want to go away, Claire.” Sherry accepts the hug, finding some semblance of comfort in the way Claire strokes her hair gently. “I wish you could just take me away..”
Claire’s eyes soften, welling up with unshed tears; She can feel her heart breaking; she wishes so terribly that she could protect her from all of this, no child deserves this.
The word ‘mom’ lingered on the tip of Sherry’s tongue, held back by a wave of fear. She was worried, worried that the word might be too much, too soon, that the word might scare Claire off.
But that was really the only way Sherry saw the older woman. As a mother. The mother Sherry never had.
Finding the courage to speak again, Sherry pulled back slightly; eyes looking into Claire’s own with a desperate hope. “I want us to be a normal family, Claire. Me, you, Leon, and that lady Leon was talking about; Ada.” Sherry momentarily pauses to check if, in her mind, Ada was the right name.
“I want us to have those movie nights you told Leon and me about, t-to wake up every day knowing I'm safe and loved..” The girl's voice became a whisper, the word was still there, almost lodged in her throat like a pill, the longing to call Claire “mom” growing stronger.
Claire's mind once again rushed to Steve; she could almost see the chaos he would have caused during those movie nights; he would've driven her and Leon nuts; Claire wonders what kind of trouble he and Sherry would get into.
“I-I want us to be a f-family, Mom..” her tone became flooded with hopefulness as she finally said it. Finally called Claire mom. And a huge wave of relief washed over her; solidified the bond between them. Claire had protected her from so much... It only felt right to call her “mom”
Claire froze, her lips parting subtly. Had Sherry really thought of her like that? Sherry didn’t hate her, and held no resentment for leaving her. Quite the opposite, actually.
She saw her like a mother,
The family-like bond was mutual.
Sherry didn't hate her
“Oh, Sherry..” Claire’s voice was only a whisper as she finally let her tears fall, finally releasing her emotions from the bottle they were trapped in. Claire’s bottom lip trembled as she stayed still; stayed frozen.
It was Sherry’s turn to silently ask for another hug. And Claire obliged.
For a moment, the two held each other, both now being almost afraid to let each other go; afraid the moment would slip through their fingers like sand, like time.
Their hug spoke a hundred -- no, a million, trillion -- words that neither person could bring themself to say.
A sound interrupted their moment, a bittersweet, muted laugh from Claire.
“W-what’s so funny??” Sherry stammered, voice shaking.
Claire sniffled, pulling her arm away from the hug to wipe at her tears, she smiled, even through her now hiccuping, shaky cries. The expression of happiness occasionally flickered through the trembles of her lip. “I-I’m just only realizing... I’m not quite sure what to call you now... W-what do moms usually call their daughters?”
Sherry sniffles, Claire had her scared for a second, "Just Sherry is still fine" she manages to giggle. "I'm not opposed to 'favorite and best child ever', though"
it was Claire's turn to giggle, and it felt like a million pounds of worry scurried off of her shoulders.
"Alright, then, Best child ever."
"Uhm, that's favorite and best child ever, actually."