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Barok jolted up from a nightmare, disoriented and out of breath, a terrified scream forcing its way out of his throat.
It took him a while to finally understand that he was in his bedroom. He sighed, exhausted: recently, those nightmares were becoming a common occurrence once again. And Barok would be lying if he said he didn’t know why: first that defense attorney, and now his apprentice… It was difficult not to think of that despicable Japanese man who killed his brother whenever Barok looked at their faces.
He knew how unreasonable it was… Naruhodo had proved himself to be an admirable lawyer, and his apprentice had not only been of great help in the office, but also kind and attentive to him, in a way no person had been in almost an entire decade. Yet, that bitterness refused to leave his chest—and maybe it never would.
Barok closed his eyes, trying to slow down his breath. His heart raced painfully, his mind terrified of going back to sleep only to see Genshin again—or worse, Klint with an empty gaze and a bloodstain on his chest.
“Lord van Zieks?”
That voice made him look toward the door. His apprentice was there, looking at him.
“Forgive me…” said Barok. “I had no intention of waking you.”
That man didn’t say a word, simply observing Barok for a moment.
“Do you need something?” he asked after a while.
Barok shook his head. “There is no reason to worry, just go back to sleep.”
His apprentice stayed in place, seeming hesitant to leave. Then, he approached Barok’s bed.
“Apprentice…?”
Without a word, that man lay by his side. He reached for his hand, gently holding it.
“It’s alright,” he murmured. “It was just a dream.”
Barok didn’t know how to react. Then, slowly, he relaxed into his pillow. His apprentice didn’t let go of his hand, and the warmth of the touch brought him some peace.
He thought he was used to the loneliness, and yet, that small gesture of care was enough to make him want to cry.
The trial of Seishiro Jigoku was a brief one. The man confessed to his crimes and didn’t try to deny the accusations. Still, Kazuma saw it through to the end. Jigoku avoided looking at him, and his expression didn’t change even when his death sentence was announced, as if part of him had already died.
As soon as they entered the waiting room, Barok approached him.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Honestly?” Kazuma averted his gaze. “I have no idea… I thought I’d feel better after all this, but…”
His voice failed for a moment, and Kazuma inhaled sharply before continuing.
“I always thought of him as family. He was always making me laugh, and helping me with my studies. I never thought someone like him could…”
This time, he was unable to keep going. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to regain his composure.
“I’m sorry, I…”
“No.” Barok moved closer, placing a hand on Kazuma’s shoulder. “Please, don’t apologize. You can talk to me.”
“I don’t even know what to say, though.” Kazuma sighed, tired. “It still doesn’t feel real.”
“I understand.”
Kazuma looked at him, hesitating for a moment. “And you? How are you… dealing with everything?”
Barok considered the question for a moment. “I suppose it does not feel real for me, either.”
Kazuma could imagine it. He knew the pain of being betrayed by someone you trusted, but… As far as he knew, despite his crimes, Klint had been a good brother to Barok until the end.
“You know it wasn’t your fault, don’t you?” said Kazuma.
“I wonder… If only I had noticed something was amiss with Klint… I feel like I could have done something.”
“If you did, you would probably be dead too.”
Barok didn’t respond.
“Lord van Zieks,” said Kazuma. “I know I said many things to you… Many of which I regret. But… I’m glad you’re here.”
Barok met his gaze. “I could say the same to you.” He hesitated briefly. “If you need anything, you can tell me.”
“I will.” Kazuma offered him a slight smile. “Thank you.”
Barok lightly squeezed his shoulder before letting go.
When Barok left his bed in the middle of the night, he couldn’t help but notice that the door to Kazuma’s bedroom was open. He glanced inside, finding no one in his bed.
It wasn’t the first time something like that happened, and Barok wasn’t surprised to find him outside, in the back garden, sitting on one of the stone benches.
He didn’t notice Barok right away, and something in his expression left him concerned. As soon as Barok got close enough, however, Kazuma offered him a slight smile.
“Lost your sleep too?” he asked.
That subtle change was a little painful. Kazuma didn’t always talk about his worries, and Barok tried not to pressure him into doing so. Still, Barok wished Kazuma would rely more on him in his times of need.
“Yes.” Barok thought briefly. “May I stay here for a moment?”
“Sure.”
Kazuma moved to the side, giving Barok enough space to sit. For a while, neither of them spoke.
“The stars look pretty tonight,” Kazuma commented, looking at the sky.
Barok followed his gaze. “Indeed.”
“It almost feels like a waste to sleep inside.”
“Are you planning to spend the night here?”
Kazuma laughed at the idea. “No, I’d probably get sick.” He lowered his voice. “And I can’t trouble you even more than I already do.”
His words weighed in Barok’s chest. “You never did.”
“Really?”
Kazuma didn’t sound entirely convinced, so Barok continued.
“If anything, your presence makes my days much more pleasant than they used to be.”
This time, Kazuma’s expression brightened a little. “You always know what to say, don’t you?”
“I wish I did.”
Kazuma moved closer, until their shoulders lightly touched.
“Thank you,” he murmured.
Barok lifted his hand, almost touching his back, but lost his courage at the last moment, resting it on the bench behind him, instead.
Kazuma couldn’t help but notice that something felt wrong that day. Barok wasn’t a very talkative person, especially in the office, but that day… his expression seemed much more somber than usual, the dark circles under his eyes telling signs of a night without sleep.
He approached Barok’s desk, concerned. “Are you feeling well, my lord?”
Barok raised his eyes, a shadow of guilt covering his face. “Yes. My apologies, I was distracted.”
“Did something happen?”
Barok shook his head, hesitating before adding. “Today would be his birthday.” A small, heavy pause. “Klint’s.”
Those words caught Kazuma off-guard. He could do nothing but look at Barok for a moment, struggling to find something to say. “I… didn’t know.”
Barok averted his gaze. “I apologize for bringing it up.”
“No,” Kazuma quickly said, “you don’t need to.” He paused, observing Barok for a moment. “It must be painful for you.”
“I wish my feelings toward him were not this conflicting,” Barok admitted. “That I could remember him with nothing but love and admiration in my heart. But… How could I, now that I know the truth?”
Kazuma could understand that feeling, though, in his case, he tried to bury the happy memories he had of a terrible man. Unlike Jigoku, however, Klint had never done anything to harm Barok himself.
“He was a good brother to you, wasn’t he?” said Kazuma in a low voice.
“Yes… The kindest, most loving brother.” Barok showed a small, sad smile. “Sometimes, a little overprotective, but always thinking of what was best for me.”
Barok’s lips trembled slightly, and he lowered his head, bringing a hand to his face, covering his eyes.
“Why did things go so wrong…?”
His voice cracked, and a small sob left his lips. The sound stung in Kazuma’s heart.
“Forgive me,” Barok muttered. “I will not allow such a thing to happen again.”
Kazuma moved closer to him, then placed his arms around Barok’s shoulders in a careful side-hug.
“You know I’m here for you, right?” he said.
Barok hesitated, then reached for Kazuma’s arm, holding it close.
“I do,” he murmured. “And you cannot imagine how much I appreciate it.”
As time passed, it became harder and harder for Barok to pretend he didn’t notice the changes between him and Kazuma.
His feelings for his apprentice were undeniable. However, there were times when Barok couldn’t help but wonder if Kazuma didn’t carry similar feelings for him in his chest, even if just a little. A dangerous kind of hope, he knew… But he still clung to every gesture of affection, wishing there was more to them than pure platonic care. He had once sworn to himself he would carry those feelings in secrecy to his grave, but the more his hopes grew, the harder it was not to think of the possibilities.
So, when they found themselves alone on the balcony of Barok’s bedroom, he finally gathered his courage and held Kazuma’s hand. For a few seconds, in which his heart thumped painfully in his chest, there was no reaction: no rejection, but no acceptance either. He was about to move away and apologize when Kazuma intertwined their fingers, bringing Barok’s hand to his lips to give it a brief kiss.
Barok’s emotions were almost too strong for him to control. At that moment, he was everything and the only thing that mattered in his life, and he held Barok’s heart in his hands. It was a careless thought and, at any other moment, Barok wouldn’t have followed it. However, because his mind was filled with nothing but that man before him, he couldn’t help but raise his other hand and touch his face. There was a flash of surprise in Kazuma’s face, but just before Barok could start to question his actions, Kazuma moved closer, placing his arms around him in a sweet embrace, burying his face in the crook of Barok’s neck. Barok held him tightly, his heart racing to the point of seeming about to burst.
“I’m not understanding this wrong, am I?” asked Kazuma in a low voice.
Barok almost questioned what he meant by it, but stopped himself: it was clear enough.
“No,” he said, taking a deep breath. “There is no one other than you who I wish to hold like this.”
“What an honor.” He couldn’t see Kazuma’s face, but it was possible to hear a smile on his words. “Though, I didn’t know I could want to hold someone this way before I met you.”
“The honor is all mine, then.”
With a small laugh, Kazuma moved slightly away, looking at Barok’s face.
“Barok…”
The invitation was clear enough. Barok leaned forward, closing his eyes as Kazuma did the same. Their lips brushed lightly, and Barok barely had the time to wonder if he had gone too far when Kazuma cupped his face with a hand. The feeling was enough for Barok to let go of any thoughts, surrendering into that sweet kiss—which he had longed for for such a long time.
Kazuma woke up that morning in his bedroom in Barok’s house. He started to spend more nights there since the beginning of their romantic relationship, to the point it started to feel like home.
He stretched his body, then left the bedroom, knocking on Barok’s door across from his. As usual, there was no response, so he walked inside.
“Barok,” he called, approaching his bed. “It’s morning.”
Barok simply groaned in response. Kazuma lightly shook his arm.
“Barok…”
This time, Barok opened his eyes. He didn’t move, though, still half-asleep.
“It’s morning,” Kazuma repeated.
Barok grumbled something in response, closing his eyes again. Kazuma sighed, but wasn’t surprised. They would probably skip their sword practice again that morning… It shouldn’t become a habit, but sometimes it seemed impossible to get that man out of bed.
Kazuma decided to give him more time to rest. Often, Barok just needed a few more minutes to fully wake up, and would join him as soon as he managed to leave the bed. That day, however, Kazuma managed to finish exercising and preparing breakfast without any sign of his mentor waking up. He returned to Barok’s bedroom, and as he thought, he was still in bed.
“Barok…” he called again.
With some insistence, he managed to make Barok sit on the bed. He still seemed to be barely functioning, though, which worried Kazuma a little: Barok was usually slow in the morning, but there seemed to be something else to it that day.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“A headache…” Barok paused. “I don’t feel too well.”
For Barok to admit something like that, he should be terribly sick. Carefully, Kazuma touched his forehead.
“I think you have a fever,” he said. “You should stay in bed for now, or it might get worse.”
“It will be better soon.”
“Only if you rest.” Before Barok could protest, Kazuma added, “Don’t be stubborn.”
“But I have—”
“I can take care of things for today. Or do you not trust me to do a proper job without your supervision?”
That was enough to silence Barok. Kazuma took a moment to think of what to do: he would go to the office that morning, and then come back as soon as he could, probably bringing some paperwork to finish at home. He didn’t like the idea of leaving Barok alone in that state, though…
“I’ll talk to Iris on my way to the office…” he said. “She’ll want to take a look at you.”
“You should not bother—”
“It’s no bother,” Kazuma insisted. “Not for her, not for me, not for anyone. You’re sick, so you should let others take care of you, for a change.”
Barok lowered his eyes, seeming uncomfortable.
“Don’t make that face.” Kazuma helped him lie down again, pulling the covers over him. “I mean it, just let us take care of you this time.”
Again, Barok didn’t answer. This time, however, Kazuma couldn’t help but notice a tiny smile on his lips.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, caressing Barok’s hair.
“Nothing…” Barok closed his eyes, relaxing under that touch. “It has been a while since someone worried so much about me.”
Kazuma’s expression softened at those words. “Just one more reason for me to take proper care of you until you recover.”
“That sounds pleasant.”
“You’re the only person who would call being sick pleasant.”
Barok stayed silent, but that smile was still on his face. Kazuma leaned in his direction, placing a kiss on his forehead.
“Just rest,” he said. “I’ll be back soon.”
Before he could stand, Barok reached for his hand.
“Stay a while longer,” he asked.
It was so rare for Barok to request something like that, that Kazuma simply couldn’t say no to him. Instead, he held Barok’s hand between his two.
“Of course.”
Barok went down the stairs wearing his best suit. From the couch, Kazuma looked at him, then smiled, standing up and moving closer to give him a better look.
“Such a handsome man,” he said. “Say… Wouldn’t you consider sharing a drink with me tonight?”
Despite his playful words, Barok couldn’t hold back a sigh.
“That sounds much more pleasant than my current plans for the evening,” he said.
“Because you enjoy my company, or because you dislike parties?”
“Both things,” Barok admitted. “An entire evening of fake pleasantries, worried about not offending anyone, and rejecting marriage proposals is not my favorite way to spend my time.”
That description was enough to sour Kazuma’s grin. “Sounds dreadful… Are you sure you need to go?”
“It is not at the top of my desired events to attend to, but one with a name such as mine must mingle with others of noble blood. Otherwise, there could be quite a few rumors about my person.”
“For not attending a party?”
“Yes.” Barok sighed again. “I suppose I will stay for a few hours, and submit myself to the trouble of dancing with a few partners to keep the rumors at bay.”
To his surprise, those words seemed to grab Kazuma’s interest.
“I didn’t know you could dance.” He thought briefly. “But now that I think about it, it makes sense you would.”
“Someone with a name like mine has to be prepared for unexpected social situations.”
“You must have an entire line of ladies waiting for an opportunity to dance with you.”
“Quite the contrary. I suppose my name isn’t enough to make my personality more tolerable to any possible partners. Those women will be as displeased with the dance as myself.”
“Their loss…”
His response amused Barok. Before he could say anything, however, the grin was back on Kazuma’s face.
“So…” he said. “When will you invite me for a dance?”
The question caught Barok off-guard. “Pardon?”
“What?” Kazuma crossed his arms. “Am I not a suitable partner to you, my lord?”
Barok studied him for a moment, unsure if that had been a joke or not. But Kazuma didn’t laugh, so he assumed that wasn’t the case.
“Do you know how to dance?” he asked.
“Not at all…” Kazuma admitted. “Honestly, I’d be a terrible partner.”
Once again, Barok wondered if he was just making fun of him. “You should not tease me like that.”
“I wasn’t.” A small pause. “Wouldn’t you… Show me how it’s done?”
His serious answer ended Barok’s doubts, though it did little to ease the mixture of excitement and embarrassment that grew in his chest.
“Of course…” he said, finally. “If you don’t mind dancing with a man, that is.”
Those words earned him an amused laugh from Kazuma. “I am the one who suggested it, wasn’t I?”
“True.”
After hesitating briefly, Barok offered Kazuma his hand, and he took it with a pleased grin. He was so nervous that, for a moment, he forgot everything from his lessons, and needed to take a deep breath to clear his mind.
“Like this…” Barok showed Kazuma how to position his hands. “Just follow my lead.”
Kazuma did as he said, and Barok slowly guided him, following the rhythm of an imaginary song. They swayed together for a few minutes, and soon Barok’s nervousness faded, giving place to something warmer—dancing had never been as pleasant to him as in that moment.
“Not as hard as I thought…” said Kazuma.
“We are just starting.”
“Sounds like a challenge.”
His words made Barok smile. “And you always appreciate a challenge, don’t you?”
“Of course.”
And that was something Barok loved about him—one among countless others. Abandoning everything he learned about proper dancing, he hugged Kazuma close, still slowly swaying with him. Kazuma put his arms around Barok’s neck, bringing his lips close to his ear.
“Barok…” Kazuma whispered. “Don’t go.”
Those words seemed to lift a weight from Barok’s shoulders, as if he had been waiting for them since the beginning.
Barok was the first one to fall asleep that night. By his side, Kazuma found himself alone with his thoughts.
Years later, part of him still wondered if he deserved all that: Barok’s trust, his love, their relationship, and especially the happiness that came with it. As time passed, those questions became less loud and frequent in his mind, but that didn’t mean they were gone—sometimes, he thought they would never leave for good.
Still bothered by those thoughts, he reached toward Barok, lightly caressing his cheek. Barok grumbled something in his sleep, then put his arm around Kazuma’s waist, holding him close, pressing his face to his chest. Kazuma couldn’t hold back a small laugh.
“You are so needy, my lord…” he whispered.
Barok didn’t respond, still deeply asleep. Kazuma only observed him for a while: he hadn’t realized how much he longed for that kind of proximity until he finally had Barok in his arms. And, despite his occasional insecurities, he didn’t doubt that Barok enjoyed his company just as much.
Yes… Barok was happy. Both of them were. In the end, that was everything that mattered.
With that in mind, Kazuma caressed his hair, then buried his face in it, closing his eyes, relaxing into Barok’s warmth and smell until he too was overcome by sleepiness.
No matter how much time passed, that would always be his favorite way to fall asleep.