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On their way out of the office that night, Barok and his apprentice were surrounded by a small group of assailants, who were undoubtedly after Barok’s life.
It was unfortunate how common such a thing was, to the point of not even surprising Barok anymore. He reached for his sword and could hear his apprentice do the same next to him. Those men attacked, and Barok focused all of his attention on blocking their blades with his.
Still, it was hard not to worry about his apprentice: if that man was injured while fighting for him, Barok wouldn’t forgive himself. He looked behind him, in time to see his apprentice stopping a blade from reaching Barok’s back. He couldn’t watch it for longer, though, having to focus on his own opponent. That moment of distraction, however, cost him a cut on his forearm.
That wasn’t enough to stop him, though. The two of them kept fighting until their opponents reached the limits of their stubbornness, fleeing from the battle. Barok sighed, leaning against a wall to catch his breath. His apprentice soon approached.
“Are you hurt, my lord?”
“No.” Barok looked at him. “What about you?”
Without answering, his apprentice held Barok’s wrist, inspecting the cut on his arm.
“Seems like a superficial wound,” he said, sounding relieved. “We still should take proper care of it when we return. Until then…”
His apprentice reached for his own neck, taking off his cravat, using it as an improvised bandage, wrapping it around Barok’s wound.
“This should do for now.” He raised his eyes, looking at Barok. “Is something the matter, my lord?”
“Nothing,” said Barok. “Thank you.”
That was a lie: Barok’s heart was racing in his chest, to the point of making it difficult for him to keep a straight face. Sure, Barok had read many books where a mysterious hero appeared to save the day and steal the heart of the heroine… He just never expected to be the heroine in his daydreams.
No, more importantly… Why was his apprentice the mysterious hero? If anything, Barok should be the one keeping him safe, and not the other way around.
“My lord?”
His voice brought Barok back to reality. “Forgive me, I was distracted.”
His apprentice simply nodded in response. “We should leave. Can you walk?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure? I can carry you if you are not feeling well.”
The suggestion made Barok’s heart jump. “No, I feel quite well.”
He was a little dizzy from the sudden blood loss, but chose not to tell his apprentice that much—and that man didn’t insist on the subject, but stayed close to him, with a hand on his back, ready to catch him in case he fell.
Barok stayed silent as they boarded a carriage and made their way back to his mansion, but his mind was still on how careful his apprentice’s touch was, and how sweet his voice sounded. He felt his face get hotter, and hoped that man wouldn’t notice it.
As soon as they arrived at his mansion, his apprentice rushed to get the medical supplies.
“Please, allow me to help,” he said.
Barok had always taken care of his own wounds, and was a little reluctant to accept the help of someone else. But it was his apprentice… Barok came to trust that man, enough that showing some vulnerability in front of him wasn’t so frightening.
His apprentice cleaned the wound carefully, but it was still slightly painful. Maybe Barok let it show on his face, since soon his hands stopped.
“Does it hurt?” he asked.
“No, I am fine.”
“You can tell me if it’s painful. I’m only trying to help.”
Barok said nothing, his heart thumping once again. Receiving no response, his apprentice continued to clean his wound, then covered it with clean bandages.
“Are the bandages too tight?”
Again, that sweet, careful voice. Barok didn’t know how to deal with something like that.
“Please, stop this…” he said.
His apprentice looked at him, seeming concerned. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.”
“What is the matter, then?”
Barok didn’t know how to respond. “Are you always this attentive?”
It only crossed his mind that it was an insensitive thing to ask an amnesiac after the words had already left his mouth. Instead of seeming offended, however, his apprentice showed a slight smile.
“No. Only with you, my lord.”
Apparently, Barok dug his own grave with that question. “You must be doing this on purpose…”
“Doing what?”
His apprentice seemed genuinely confused, so Barok sighed, shaking his head.
“Nothing.”
That man would be the death of him. Yet, Barok didn’t mind it… His presence brought his life some unexpected brightness and excitement. And, after ten years of solitude, those things were quite welcome.
It was hard for Barok to ignore his feelings for his apprentice after that. He never meant to fall for him, but that man was so sweet and attentive that he simply couldn’t help it. Just by being close to him, Barok felt happier, safer, and more hopeful for the future than he had in many years.
How ridiculous… To be so deeply in love with someone whose name he didn’t even know, and whose face he had only seen behind a mask. Certainly, the kind of love that only made sense in a romance novel… And yet, there he was, daydreaming about the possibilities that would never become reality.
Despite knowing that was a hopeless love, he continued to pay attention to everything that man did, from the unusual habits—probably a result of being born in a different country—to how he made an effort to befriend the bats who lived in his office, or how he seemed to enjoy quietly reading a book in the same room as Barok when they were home. He always kept Barok’s belongings organized, and made sure he was eating and sleeping properly, making his displeasure very clear whenever Barok spent a night awake or drank too much. Those small things only made Barok love him even more.
He also noticed how frequently his apprentice touched that mask, shifting it slightly, as if uncomfortable. Well, it shouldn’t be surprising… Wearing something like that all day couldn’t be pleasant. Why did Lord Stronghart order something like that? If the goal was to keep his race a secret—it had been easy to notice his Japanese origins—then why hadn’t he offered Naruhodo and his assistant the same treatment? It made little sense, and at some point Barok gave up on trying to understand his reasons.
That day, however, when he noticed his apprentice massaging the bridge of his nose, Barok finally gathered his courage to touch that subject. He walked toward his desk, looking at him.
“You can take off that mask, if you wish.”
His apprentice raised his eyes to him, surprised. “I shouldn’t.”
“We are the only ones here,” Barok insisted. “It will be more comfortable for you.”
His apprentice didn’t answer for a while, thinking. “Are you sure, my lord?”
Barok nodded. After a moment of hesitation, that man brought his hand to that mask. Barok’s heart raced: it was true that he made that suggestion with his apprentice’s comfort in mind, but the thought of finally seeing his face was an exciting one. He looked at his apprentice, who took off that mask, but kept his head low.
“Is this really fine?” he asked.
Barok crouched by his side, then brought a hand to his chin, gently lifting his face. Their gazes met, and, for a moment, Barok forgot how to breathe.
“Is… there a problem?” that man asked, hesitant.
Barok blinked, unable to turn his gaze away. “You are beautiful.” He then realized what had just escaped his lips. “I mean…”
His apprentice’s laugh made Barok forget what he intended to say.
“You are beautiful too, my lord,” he said. “The most beautiful man I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.”
Barok’s chest seemed about to burst. A hot feeling crept up his neck and face, and he instinctively brought a hand to his mouth, looking away.
“Lord van Zieks?”
He didn’t even know how to respond: his mind was completely blank, except for those last few words. He had been called handsome before, and not just a few times. Still, the way that man said it… God, how was he supposed to react to something like that?
“You should not say such things,” he said, finally.
“Did it displease you?”
Barok hesitated before answering in a low voice, “No.”
This time, his apprentice was the one to touch his face, carefully turning it until Barok was looking at him.
“Then,” he said, “please allow me to say it. You are lovely, my lord.”
That man truly would be the death of him… If it continued like that, his poor heart wouldn’t last much longer.
“You are… bolder than I expected,” he murmured.
“Is that so?” That man seemed amused by his words. “I simply said what came into my mind.”
“If you say such things, I might misunderstand you.”
“How so?”
Barok knew he should end that conversation there, before it followed a path with no return. Yet, the feeling of that man’s hand on his cheek, and the way he looked at him, as if looking at something precious… It made him want to be careless.
“I might think your affection toward me goes deeper than that of an apprentice.”
His apprentice observed him for a moment longer. He then caressed Barok’s face with his thumb. “Perhaps it does.”
He truly was living a romance book. There was no other explanation… Those things simply didn’t happen in real life… Did they?
As Barok tried to find an answer, his apprentice slowly leaned forward. Barok instinctively closed his eyes, just a moment before their lips touched.
For a blissful moment, there was nothing but that soft sensation in Barok’s mind. He had imagined it many times, but to actually feel his lips… It was better than any dream.
His apprentice caressed his face, and Barok brought a hand to the back of his head. They parted their lips, deepening that kiss, hands sliding down, caressing their necks, backs, and waists. The sweetness of his embrace erased all thoughts from Barok’s mind, except for how much he wished it would never come to an end.
As soon as they broke that kiss, however, that bliss was overcome by anxiety. He had acted without thinking, after all… Without any regard for the consequences.
A relationship between two men would never be easy, and them being mentor and apprentice only made it even more difficult. Barok could face those problems if that man was also willing to stay with him; however, there was one thing he simply couldn’t ignore: the fact that his apprentice had no memories of his past.
Where had his mind been? That wasn’t a silly book… What he did would not only affect his life, but also the one of the person he loved. A bitter feeling grew in Barok’s chest and he turned his face away from that man.
“We should not be doing this…” he said.
His apprentice seemed taken aback by that reaction. “Why not?”
“I am being inconsiderate of your condition,” he explained. “What if your memories return, and you come to the realization that you… That you have a preference for women, or that you already have someone you love.”
“I don’t feel like that is the case.”
Barok sighed: he truly wanted to be with that man, but… To do it that way felt wrong, like he was betraying his trust in some way. He couldn’t find the proper words to express those feelings, though, so the heavy silence grew between them.
“Lord van Zieks…” said his apprentice in a low voice. “Is this the way you found to reject me kindly?”
His words surprised Barok. “No, of course not.”
“Then, why do you suddenly care so much about my past?”
“This is not what I meant. I…” He hesitated briefly. “I have feelings for you. I’ve felt this way for a while, and I know this will not change. However, this is why I don’t want to do something that might hurt you. If this relationship becomes a source of regret for you in the future, then…”
Once again, he tried to find the right words, but failed. His apprentice observed him quietly, then, to Barok’s surprise, offered him a smile.
“Lord van Zieks, I haven’t said this before, but I have fallen for you. You were always kind to me, and gave me many things when I had nothing. I want to do anything in my power to make you happy.”
Barok almost insisted in his previous argument, but that man stopped him with a gesture of his hand.
“Once I remember my name, I will confess my feelings for you once again.” He reached for Barok’s hands, holding them between his. “Until then, I hope you don’t mind having this incomplete person by your side.”
Barok’s heart ached, but the pain was almost sweet. How was he supposed to be rational after hearing that?
“There is nothing incomplete about you,” Barok said. “Even without memories, you are a wonderful man.” He lowered his eyes to their joined hands. “Is this truly what you want?”
“More than anything.”
Was that it? Was he really allowed to find some happiness in his tale, after all? Part of him was still reluctant, but… He loved that man too much. And, knowing that he felt the same way, how was Barok supposed to say no?
“Then,” he said, “I shall be by your side until that day comes.”
His apprentice smiled. He was such a beautiful man, in every way possible… Barok couldn’t resist and leaned in his direction for another kiss—which would have been a fitting ending if that wasn’t only the beginning.