Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The story is optimally told from Wade's point of view; writing in the boxes is optional. The information Wade has about Peter being Spider-Man was not something he found out intentionally, but something Peter slipped up about either on a mission or while hanging out after a patrol.

The important setting is that Blind Al makes Wade go to bingo night with her (how she can play and win as often as she does is debated by the jealous old biddies at the hall). He decided that because everyone will be half blind due to age or wrinkly enough that his skin won't stand out, he won't need to wear the suit and wears something comfy instead; he could be wearing anything from a unicorn onesie to t-shirt and jeans depending on his confidence/ comfort level (I'm partial to the idea that he'd be wearing a hoodie and grey sweatpants and horny-gay-disaster Peter gets distracted by Wade's...).

When Wade gets to the hall, he sees that Al is sitting with another lady and someone who looks too young to be at senior's bingo night. Upon reaching the table after getting his bingo cards, Al and Wade have a bit of banter before she introduces her table mates May and her nephew, Peter.

Wade recognizes Peter as Spidey immediately and thinks that Peter is feigning ignorance to Wade's identity for secret identity purposes. Peter actually just thinks Wade is hot and that he may have a type.

After they all talk for a while, May gushing about Peter's college progress, Al being sarcastic, Peter being quippy (but being embarrassed because May is gushing infront of attractive stranger), Wade being flirty (but acting comfortably and teasing Peter because he's figured out Peter's oblivious), bingo finally begins and we can get inner monologs and/or flashbacks relating to traits that Peter subconsciously shares with Spider-Man.

Al ends up winning money. May says they should get together more often for gossip and tea. Wade offers to walk Peter to the subway. Hook-up and identity reveal ensue.

Happy ending!

Chapter Text

Peter has a SHIELD monitored PO box so that fans can send him fan mail. Everything is checked for trackers, audio recorders, bombs and such.

He has a few people that send him repeat mail: stalkers, Deadpool, but also fan clubs.

Occasionally he vets the clubs and drops in to surprise the members. His next club he's visiting has some very enthusiastic members. When he gets there, the club's founder's father just happens to also be visiting.

Que shenanigans between Peter, Wade, and his daughter. Bonus points for Peter inner monolog about how this sweet child could be the spawn of Deadpool, but Wade is coaching her so that they can optimize Spidey time.