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Chapter Text

Caroline has always had weird dreams. She thinks she knew that before. It's just that when she turned into a vampire she started to remember them.

–

She is a rabbit and if her heart beats any faster it'll explode. She is running and running and she does not know what is chasing her but she does know she can not stop or she will die and it will hurt and hurt and hurt.

It goes on like that and she sees a bourough in sight and if she can make it she's safe. and then. and then and then and then. she trips her little rabbit body goes head over tail right into a tree. The thing that was chasing her catches her. It was a wolf. She is eaten completely, she feels herself torn apart and the dream does not end. She feels the marrow of her bones leak out and she does not wake. And suddenly yet not sudden at all she is the wolf

She is a wolf and she is eating a delicious meal. It gave good chase but could not escape her fangs. She eats the corpse of who she used to be until it is naught but bones and feels sated. Being a wolf feels better than being a rabbit. She feels content. She wakes up covered in a slight sheen of sweat.

Caroline cannot tell if it's from the dream or simply the effect of it being humid last night. She gets ready for her day.
As she applies her makeup she ponders the dream. The symbolism was heavy handed but what can she do? It's not like it was a lucid one. They usually aren’t but the ones that are are always interesting.

She drives to school. She gets an essay back in english. B minus. She will have to ask for extra credit if this keeps up. She doesn’t pay attention in history. Ric is willing to give them A’s whether they do the work or not. And to be entirely honest he isn’t a very good teacher. Caroline still reads the textbooks and articles but does not do any more than the bare minimum on her assignments.

At lunch Caroline sits with her friends the way she has been recently as though the months where they were all but ignoring her never happened. They talk about what to do about Katherine and Klaus and the vampire Elijah that might be able to help them. Nothing really new just more of the same conversations and worries.

In physics they discuss the life times of a star. they were originally talking about the effect stars masses have on other bodies in solar systems, but it's pretty easy to get Mrs. Goldman off track. Caroline likes Mrs. Goldman she's one of the only other jews in town and wears a gorgous magen david. She's very sweet and doesn't take shit from students.

Caroline wonders at the fact that stars have life cycles and yet she doesn't. Wonders if it would be possible to live until their sun turns into a red giant. Wonders at what a terrifying honor it would be to observe such a change. She wonders if she will have her own version of a life cycle. A personal one. Maybe she will become in some way similar to Stefan, every few decades changing personalities entirely. She ponders these potentialities for the rest of class.

That night she dreams once more. It is the same as last night except she is the wolf from the beginning. She is a wolf and that should mean she is safe but she can feel crippling knowledge that she is not. She is a wolf and she is being chased like a rabbit. The thing behind her is fast and cunning so she must be better, as she continues on, she begins to feel heat. When she looks around she sees the forest is ablaze. She isn’t sure how she missed it except for in the way of dreams where something isn’t happening until it is. Her forest is burning down and all she can feel is resignation. She always knew this would happen. It was inevitable from the first moment she steppied into the woods. She runs and runs and never sees what is behind her. Maybe it has stopped. Maybe it was never chasing her at all. But what if it is. What if it is hot on her tail and is following her and in the time it would take for her to turn around to check it would be enough to catch and kill her. She is not caught in that dream, but she runs until she wakes and that is its own sort of pain. Bone tired unrestfulness.

Caroline wakes suddenly. Her eyes opening to the morning light through her window. She exhales deeply as she tries to convince her lungs that they have enough room for air.

Caroline has also been having dreams where she can't move. There is a man and she can not move. Sometimes she is in her room and sometimes the setting doesn't exist in that way that dreams behave. The ones in her room are worse. Worse because she wakes and is still there. Wakes and still cannot escape.

She sees him around sometimes. Damon. More often than she’d like. She gets that they need his help but she doesn’t like how buddy buddy everyones become with him. She tries not to let it get to her.

–

Klaus has been having odd dreams recently. There are the usual ones where he is longing to be a wolf and the ones that are merely memory sitched together in inane orders. When he last dreamt he saw an oddly cartoonish woman, dressed in pink with blonde hair. She was trapped in a castle, as a man approached the castle gates she jumped out the window with a rope attached to her neck. She made a cracking noise and swung back and forth like a pendulum.

It is not the first time he has watched someone kill themself. The odd thing is that the woman seemed to be completely unaware of him until the last second of her fall. He could see the shift in her expression and recognized the fear but it did not feel like it was aimed at him. The sadness though. The saddness was.

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Caroline comes in first place for the third time and grins. Her main is currently Princess Peach because she loves her. She’s only playing against the computers, but it still feels nice to win. She anchors herself on the back of the couch and twists, cracking her back. Her mother always told her not to crack her knuckles because it would give her joint problems when she was older. Caroline’s dead now so she doesn’t have to worry about getting older. She cracks her knuckles one by one and relishes in the sensation.

She’s been sleeping on the couch a lot recently. Yesterday being one such instance as she curled up dragging the throw blanket over her. Caroline thinks the radiation from the TV might be getting to her though. Her weird dreams have been getting weirder. Two nights ago she dreamt that Princess Peach was dressed in leather gear, making Mario beg for it. And the night before that she dreamt that Princess Peach jumped off her tower. She begged her not to, but Peach said she was already dead. And once she said it she was. There was a noose around her neck and there always had been. Caroline had just been too stupid to see it.

Peach jumped and there was no snapping sound because her neck had already been broken. She just hadn’t fucking noticed.

Caroline knows that the dreams probably mean something. That there's symbolism and manifestations of her subconscious but. She doesn’t want to think about it. It's easier when she doesn’t have to think about it. And she hasn’t told anyone about it so there's no one who can make her.

Her mom is getting home soon and she doesn’t want to be berated for being up too late even though she’s pretty sure vampires need less sleep than humans. Caroline goes upstairs and steps on all the creaky floorboards.

–

Klaus is sitting in a meeting. It is a meeting filled with people he does not know and they think they know him but they do not. They think he is a young woman who has not lived in her body since the day the man found her. He does not know who the woman is and does not know how she acts, so he is quiet.

He can’t be too quiet though or they’ll find him out. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. He sits and waits to be found out, because at least when they find him out, because they will, it will be over. The throat cloying anticipation of it will stop choking him. He can’t kill the people at the meeting because he loves them. He does not know who they are and they do not know him but he loves them and he hopes they love him too.

When they find him out, because they always were going too, one of the girls from the table, her face blurry and expression hidden, digs her fingers into his skin and tears a strip off. She eats it. She rends his flesh from this body and there is no pain. There is relief. There is relief that they love who they think he is enough to consume him.

–

Caroline wakes with her heart beating fast, for a second expecting to be bloody muscle and fat instead of skin. She feels loved, left over from the dream, she feels loved and like an imposter. Elena ate pieces of her and it was like being killed all over again.

When she gets to school she sees Bonnie and Elena talking on the grass. She goes inside before they can see her.

–

The next time Caroline sleeps on the couch she doesn’t so much sleep as turn into a blanket cocoon. Caroline rolls over in her cocoon. Happy that vampires don’t get back pain. She wonders about that sometimes. She still takes her mood stabilizers because it would be weird to explain to her mom why she suddenly stopped needing them. But she doesn’t know if she stopped needing them. She doesn’t know if they’re still working, she doesn’t know if her unreliable moods are from being killed and all the things from before that she doesn’t like to think about, or from being a vampire. If vampirism is the cherry on top of her shitty year or if it's just another layer of shit cake. She hopes it’s the cherry on top. The cherry is sweet and indicates the end of the cake and this metaphor is getting out of hand.

Getting up to look in the fridge for something sweet. Caroline avoids stepping on the creaky floorboards even though her mom is working late again.

There's the pudding cups she bought then forgot about from last week but she doesn’t really want them. She wants cake. A good cake with cream cheese frosting.

They have a bit of cream cheese. There are also some carrots. She decides on carrot cake. Better to use the carrots before they go bad anyways.

Her mom walks in while Caroline is working on the frosting. They don’t have a stand mixer so she has to do it by hand. It's easier than it used to be. She’s stronger than any amount of cheer practice could have ever made her. The only slightly thawed cream cheese has no choice but to bow before her power. “Hey honey, whatcha doing up? It’s a school night.”

Caroline looks up. She decides if she doesn’t acknowledge the tears on her cheeks that they won’t have to address it. “Hi Mom! I’m baking a cake. We had some carrots that were about to go bad so I figured I ought to use them.”

Her mom doesn’t say anything, just puts her bag down by the door and walks toward her. Caroline resolutely looks away. Her mom wraps her arms around her, and Caroline does not crumple under the relief. But she sags.

“Why don’t you tell me about it?” Her mom says it like a question but Caroline knows it isn’t.

“I’d rather finish making my cake.” She forces herself to shrug off her moms embrace.

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She is speaking to a man that she knows. She knows that he is her family, probably a brother. She is berating him for his idiocy, he’s slaughtered a corner of the town again. She is not concerned by this. She is only concerned for the safety of their family. They discuss returning home and packing their stuff to leave. 

She blinks and they are in the castle they have been calling home for the last month. She turns around to a box on the mantelpiece. She removes a dagger from the box and suddenly she is plunging it into her brother's heart. He staggers back but does not look overly surprised. 

–

Caroline has not had a real conversation with her friends in weeks. She gets to school and gets a vague update on the ‘saving Elena's life’ situation. Mostly Caroline has been dealing with the ‘Tylers a werewolf' situation. She talks to Stefan about how worried he is that Tyler knows but Caroline has it under control. She thinks about a conversation she had with Stefan when he was showing her how to drain a bunny dry. He said it had unnerved him too back when he was first starting out. She didn’t mention that she already knows how to kill a bunny the human way. That she never tanned a hide but she knows the theory behind that too. She drains bunnies, steals from Damon's blood stash and thinks about driving out to Richmond to try to practice drinking from the vein. But she doesn’t want to fuck up and really hurt someone and Caroline doubts that her friends would be willing to spot her to make sure she doesnt get carried away.

She's been baking a lot recently. Baking used to be a communal activity for her. She would only bake when she had people over. Whether it was Bonnie and Elena or her dad. She rarely cooked, the instructions on the family recipes were never precise enough. But baking. Caroline loves baking. She is King of the kitchen. She has her own cookbook now, in one of her old school notebooks with the details just as precise as she likes them. When she was little she would cook with her dad. Her dad would sit her on the counter and they would talk for ages about the little things that made up Caroline's little life. When her mom would get home her dad would get tense. He would hum and nod but not really engage as much, it was like whenever her parents saw each other they would clam up. Little Caroline felt the tension of course but she did her best to ignore it. Over time tension transformed into screaming matches while she was playing with trucks outside. She would sit in the dirt and dig her fingers into the soil. She would dirty her pretty pastel dresses with grass stains and it was glorious. At their dinner table Caroline adopted the role of peacekeeper. She isn't sure her parents knew she was doing it on purpose but when they started getting too snippy with each other she would all of the sudden absolutely have to tell them every aspect of her day.

–

Sometimes Caroline wishes she hadn’t compelled her mom to forget she’s a vampire. In some ways it's better. She knows now that her mom can be talked around though whether or not she can be trusted to keep a secret is a different story. She’s sitting at the kitchen counter looking at her mom. Watches as she eats the omelet Caroline made that can no longer sate her own hunger. She still eats because there's no point in avoiding eating and she still likes food but cooking is slightly tarnished for her.

“I’m working late again tonight so you can do whatever you want for dinner.”

“M’kay. I might grab something from the grill. If I do, I'll bring you a burger or something.” 

When Caroline was a kid her mom worked less. She still worked a lot. Enough so that Caroline thinks she just wanted out of the house she shared with the husband she halfway hated, but she worked less than she did now. It made another kind of sense too, back when Caroline was little there were no so called ‘animal attacks’. 

She drives to school and ends up parking her car at the same time as Bonnie. Were this last year she would skip over to Bonnie and ignore the way that she was half brushed off. Now she sees as Bonnie see’s her and does not wait for her to walk over. Caroline could easily catch up with her but Caroline doesn’t want to push Bonnie too fast. The kind of distrust Bonnie has for her now burns like the sun doesn’t anymore and Caroline is tired.

Caroline knows that if all of the supernatural mumbo jumbo hadn’t happened Bonnie, Elena, and she would have drifted apart. It would have hurt like hell. She was too competitive and she nitpicked too much for the other girls in cheer to like her all that much. They were friendly but Caroline was the head of the team and that for all that she loved it, it distanced her. She knows that Bonnie and Elena hadn’t thought she was smart. But they were nice. 

Now at least, they will forever be bound together by their knowledge. No matter how much they dislike each other they will have the knowledge that the other is someone who is in the know. Someone who won’t look at her like she’s crazy if she admits the truth of her existence. Caroline wonders if Bonnie has realized that.

Chapter Text

When Caroline died everything felt dialed up to eleven. Her hearing was better and she no longer needed the glasses she never wore anyways but what really got her was how everything felt. She could feel every stitch of fabric touching her skin, the tag in the back of her shirt that had always sort of bugged her but not enough to do anything about it made her feel like she had to rip off her skin. It was terrible. It was like when she was a little kid and suddenly her favorite dress became too small, all of the seams pushed into her like they were trying to draw blood.

But after, once she had gotten adjusted to it all, she would go for runs through the woods. Out past the garden that was always dying were the woods Caroline had known all her life. She read about something once. She can’t remember what the phenomenon was called but it was something about the ever shrinking wooded areas, how when the adults were kids they would play in different woods which would eventually get mowed down in the interest of new buildings and they would be heartbroken. And then they would do it all over again to the next generation. Caroline has known these woods all her life and she will one day outlive them. She hopes not for a long while yet but eventually. Sometimes when she goes on her runs she will turn everything up to eleven and just feel the wind in her face. It is glorious.

After one of these runs Caroline comes inside through the back door, sweaty and gross and lays down on the kitchen floor. The tile is cold and it creeps into her bones. 

She stays like that until it feels like the sweat from her run is fusing her to the floor. After her shower Caroline goes back downstairs to play rainbow road against the computer.

–

Klaus is running but he isn't getting anywhere. He is sprinting at full force and cannot get anywhere. When he looks down below his feet is a treadmill. He tries to reach forward to lower the speed but it is just out of his reach. He looks behind him and there is a giant. The giant is making a pie; he recognizes the giant as one of the half competent hunters that resides in North America. The giant hunter adds canned peaches to the metal bowl on the counter.  Next to him there is a giant little girl. The girl is eating chocolate chips while the hunter isn't looking. The giant reaches over and grabs Klaus. It cracks his body against the side of its bowl. His consciousness reverberates out of him and suddenly he is the little girl. She is watching her father crack an egg except the egg is a man. The man cracks and out spills everything that made him him into that stupid fucking pie.

–

Caroline gets a C on her physics paper. She’s trying to be lenient with herself. Trying to tell herself that it will be ok and that she’s just been distracted by all of the everything happening recently. But everything has been happening since the fucking Salvatores rolled into town in the first place and since they show no signs of leaving yet, maybe she just has to adjust to this as the new normal. And if this is the new normal then Caroline needs to keep her GPA in top form. 

She stays late after class to talk to Mrs. Goldman, “Hi,” fuck she should have waited till tomorrow, brought incentivizing brownies for her pitch, “I was wondering if there would be anything I could do to get some extra credit?”

Mrs. Goldman looks up from her grading, “Caroline, except this last one you have everything in the 90’s, You shouldn't worry so much. There is currently no extra credit available but I’ll let you know if I cook some up.”

And Caroline nods, hoping her smile isn’t too obviously fake. 

–

Caroline is a man who is covered in blood. She is tired. So so tired but she cannot rest. Her brother has yet to return and she would like to share a drink with him. 

She blinks and her brother is walking through a door that disappears as soon as it is closed. They are now trapped together. She offers him a drink. He looks away, Caroline pours two anyways. Her brother of course accepts the drink. She sits and her brother remains standing. His hands are also covered in blood. The man she is dips his finger in the drink, infusing it with blood and trying to wash off the guilt. The man who she needed dead is dead. He always has been, since the moment she told her brother he needed to be. They drink and she wants to speak to her brother but as soon as the thought crosses her mind her body no longer has a mouth.

It is relieving to not even have to try. It is infuriating to be robbed of the chance to. In silence her brother finishes his drink. He leaves through yet another door that disappears as soon as it is closed. He is alone. She throws her glass at the wall. 

–

Her becoming friends again with Bonnie happens slowly. Stefan has to convince Bonnie to make her a daylight ring. Which sucks on multiple levels. Of course there's the first level being that a friend she’s known since she was eight needs to be convinced by a man they met this year that Caroline deserves to be able to walk in the sun. The second thing that sucks is that Caroline hates wearing rings. They itch at her skin and if she’s wearing one she needs to be able to take it off and fidget with it. Which is absolutely not something she should be doing with the magic ring that keeps her from burning in the sun.

And Caroline thought that Bonnie knew that. But if she did she doesn’t care anymore. Caroline wears the ring as a ring for a single day before admitting to herself that it is untenable. She finds an old chain in her jewelry box and puts the ring on it. She cautiously sticks her hand out into the sunlight and it does not burn. She smiles then, scrunches her face up to avoid crying. Her breaths are wet and slightly labored but she is not crying. She is happy. She has fixed the problem and it's perfectly ok that there was no reason for it to be a problem at all because she fixed it and that makes the sting of the thought that Bonnie might not ever care about her again hurt less.

Caroline halfway makes up with Bonnie when they go to find the moonstone in the old well. It’s great timing for things to start going her way because her mom is currently being kept in the Salvatores basement as they wait for the vervain to leave her system so they can compel her to forget she and the Salvatores are vampires. She and Bonnie don’t really talk about it, it being the vampiric elephant in the room, but Bonnie isn’t outright rude or mean and they talk about school and the spells Bonnie’s been learning. Like old times but better.

They never do really talk about it but to be fair to Bonnie, Caroline never pushes for it. Too worried it’ll be a straw that breaks the camel's back. But one day they are talking like old friends again and she’s in the loop on most of the hairbrained schemes. It feels nice. 

–

In Carolines opinion, stabbing a human teenager with a broken bottle because he shoved you up against a wall is a bit of an overreaction. But what does she know, she's never been a witch whose son just died, it was probably perfectly rational to Dr. Martin. She’s sitting next to Matt, trying to figure out how to put enough pressure on his bleeding neck without cutting off his oxygen supply. She really should have taken those wilderness survival first aid classes her dad wanted her to do. Maybe she’ll ask him about it next time he calls. Caroline sits there getting her hands bloody for the better part of thirty seconds before she remembers she's an idiot and bites open her wrist to shove the blood into Matt's mouth. He isn’t losing consciousness which mostly means that he is just looking confusedly up at Caroline. She forces blood down his throat for the next couple of minutes and at some point in that time Matt passes out, probably from blood loss though maybe from smoke inhalation. Caroline hopes vampire blood heals that too.

Caroline brings Matt to her house and waits for him to wake up, periodically checking his pulse and trying to curb the thoughts of how easy it would be to taste him.

Finally Matt wakes and Caroline can hear the death knell of their relationship tolling the moment it becomes clear that Matt thinks Caroline did something to Vicki. She knows now from that second onward that no matter what happens something in her will have broken. That she will grow around it and it might be ok but never the same. Later Caroline tells Matt everything he wants to know in her explanation. But not all of it, some things he doesn’t have the context to ask about so they stay between her teeth. In the end it doesn't even matter because Matt asks her to take the memories from him anyways. So she does. 

–

Caroline went to the Grand Canyon once when she was a little girl. Young enough that she had yet to realize that other people's parents seemed to like each other more than hers did. She was held by her dad and he pointed at the river below the observation deck and told her about the way the canyon was formed. That through slow attrition the water cut a slice out of the land. That pieces of it were eroded away over the course of years and years. Caroline thinks that being compelled for a long time must feel like man made erosion. Pieces of herself, things that would influence her thoughts and opinions just, washed away. 

Her mom is friends with Damon. Caroline doesn’t know what to do about that. Feels like it’s been too long. That she won't be believed if she says something at this point. That all her friends are always involved with whatever plans Damons come up with most recently which means that they tolerate him. And they tolerate her too. But who do they like more or hell, who do they need more. Caroline is a fresh vampire who no one trusts not to go off the rails. Damon is off the rails all the time but he seems to be held to different standards. It's like the Grand Canyon is all. Both the compulsion and what comes after.

Carolines not sure how long erosion of the human mind takes, but she doesn’t particularly want to find out. Matt seems to be acting mostly normal though.

–

Caroline is camped out in the living room surrounded by review of Kepler’s laws and assorted equations when the front door opens. She doesn't immediately look up but when there are no sounds of footsteps she calls out, “Mom?”

A second longer and then the sound of boots approaching the living room. Her mom stops in the door frame but does not lean against it. Her Mom looks at her and she looks back.

“Everything ok at work? You don't seem too well.” 

Her mom nods. Looks up, then back down at her several times then walks away. Caroline hopes that the animal attack of the week wasn't too gory.

Chapter Text

Kathrine kept using her to deliver messages or to make her do things for her up until she was locked into the tomb, with help from Elijah she thinks? It hasn’t been made entirely clear to her. Either way it made being around Elena exhausting. Kathrine would most always start out by pretending to be Elena. Caroline loved Elena but the constant worry that what if she was really Kathrine had made her start avoiding her. It got better once they locked Kathrine up but the habit that had taken root could not be removed so easily as its source.

–

Her moms been acting weird for a while. Cariloline eventually called Elena to ask if there was anything in particular that could have caused her mom extra work. Elena asked Stefan and Damon and long story short her mom ended up learning about the magic ‘bring you back to life’ rings through John Gilbert being pushed down the stairs. She decides to make some tiramisu for her mom. She won’t say it's for her but her mom loves tiramisu so she’ll probably know. The decade dance is tonight and she's going to need a while to get ready so she decides on making the tiramisu tomorrow. Maybe she can give some to Matt as a sorry I wiped your memory again gift that he doesn’t know he’s owed.

There ends up being another fight at the decade dance because of course, why wouldn’t there be. She isn’t involved in it. Spends her time dancing with Matt getting occasional updates on what to stay away from. To calm herself down she goes over the groceries she needs to get for the tiramisu tomorrow. 

She needs to get eggs, they have plenty of granulated sugar but no more that's powdered, she wants to get mascarpone but the grocery store in town probably doesn’t have any. She could go to Richmond but that's a bit of a schlep for just mascarpone. She’ll probably just substitute cream cheese and save the trip for when she has a better reason.

–

Caroline is staring at a blonde woman as she told him she loved a fool. The room she was in kept changing but he was outraged no matter where they were. Did his sister not know the lunacy it was to fall in love now. Or fall into an approximation of it. She steps forward and the blonde girl who is her sister, who she loves with all her soul and more. Steps back. She drags her lover back with her or at least attempts too. The man resists and her sister has always been soft hearted. She helps her sister choose a better man by removing this one as an option. She reaches into the man's chest and that alone would kill him but to finalize it she removes his heart.

The inside of a chest cavity is warm. It is slick with blood. That blood that was safely inside now covers her hand to mid forearm. She decides not to take a bite out of the heart. She wants her sister to know that she does this out of love. Out of want for her to have only the best. 

–

Caroline is whisking the cream, sugar, vanilla and cream cheese she’s using as a substitute for mascarpone together when her mom comes downstairs in the morning. The dream of removing the man's heart had woken her early and when she couldn’t fall back asleep she decided to make good on her plan to make her mom some tiramisu. The grocery store wouldn’t open until seven o’clock and Caroline hadn’t felt like waiting so she made the ladyfingers from scratch instead of just getting a box. Maybe her mom will feel how much love was put into them like this.

Her mom walks into the kitchen cautiously, the way she has been for the last week or so, “Hey honey, whatcha making?” she dips her finger into the bowl Caroline is whisking in and Caroline doesn’t bother to slap her hand away. She’s making the dessert for her anyways so why should she be stopped if she wants to eat it while it’s still disassembled. 

“It’ll be tiramisu if you wait for it to be ready.” She may not care that her mom is eating the batter this time but she can’t let her know that. Sets a bad precedent.

“Well I hope it’ll still be there when I get home because I have to go to the station early.” She's been going to the station early most days. 

“Oh come on, if you wait and go in when you’re actually supposed to, the tiramisu will be technically ready and you can have some for breakfast.”

Her mom hesitates before saying, “Well I shouldn’t be having tiramisu for breakfast anyways.” She looks at Caroline as she says this and Caroline doesn’t know what her face is doing but her mom sighs heavily and says, “I’ll make us some eggs for real breakfast. The tiramisu can be breakfast’s dessert.”

Caroline smiles.

–

Klaus is on a swing set. He goes up and down and there is something behind him. He swings forward with all his might but inevitably all that does is take him back. It continues on like that and he cannot get off the swing. It is on one of the swings back that a hand fists through his chest. He leans even further back to look at his attacker, to his surprise it is not Mikeal but Elijah he has been running from. Suddenly he is drowning. He allows the tears to fall because he is already drowning so adding a bit more water won't change a thing.

–

Klaus wakes sad. Then he hears Katerina mucking about in the next room. The sadness is quickly overtaken by the buzzing excitement.

Today will be very fun.

–

Carolines reward for trying to help Tyler when he first started changing had been a wooden bullet to the brain.

When Caroline had woken up in that cage, after she dug the stupid wooden fucking bullet out of her brain she realized that she was kind of screwed. Her captors, Jules, the wolf who had been asking about Mason Lockwood, and some guy with a buzzcut, didn’t take her daylight ring at least. So when, because it was a when not if, sort of situation, she escaped she would still be able to walk in the sun. Bright sides Caroline. Bright sides. Other bright side, This was a new and novel experience for her. Usually it was Elena who was getting kidnapped. She’d be willing to leave the torture though. Elena doesn’t get tortured when she’s kidnapped.

Those were all of the silver linings she could think of as she was actively being tortured. She felt kind of humiliated being tortured with a water gun full of vervain so that was a point to the negatives of the situation. That and the torture of course.

The second to worst part of the situation, almost worse than the torture but not quite, was Tyler standing there when he found her, hesitating so damn long that she thought he would leave her there, in that fucking cage. She ended up forgiving Tyler for that, but she never really forgot. It would pop up in her mind every once in a while. When they were trapped in the tomb, kidnapped by Klaus less than a month later, waiting to die for his ritual, Tyler said he thought she hated him. She said, “I could never hate you.” she thought, ‘ you almost left me there you crazy piece of shit.’ That probably should have been the first indicator that they were never really going to work.

And to make her bad day worse Damon of all people ends up rescuing them from the tomb. And Caroline had to argue for Tyler's life in a way she isn’t sure he ever did for her. They found Matt outside. Passed out in the leaves. They wake him then their group begins the walk to the old Lockwood cellar. 

They don’t make it there before Tyler turns. Because of course. Why would they. It ends up being fine, Matt shoots Tyler a few times to get him to stop attacking and they run to the actual Lockwood Manor. Where Matt breaks up with her. For being a vampire. Of fucking course.

Chapter Text

The reconciliation with her mom doesn’t go like she thought it would. First of all she would have never chosen to have that discussion in such an open place as the grill. Secondly Jeremy Gilbert wouldn’t be bleeding out on the ground. When they get to him Bonnie says he still has a faint heartbeat. Caroline doesn’t wait to explain herself before she snaps his neck.

Her mom cocks her gun at her. “Why did you do that, you, we,” she blusters, “someone, someone could have saved him.”

Caroline stands up, she does not hunch and she does not look her mom directly in the eyes. She ignores the blood on her hands. “He has a magic ring. If he’s killed by something supernatural, he comes back.”

Her mom doesn’t say anything. Does not lower the gun and does not shoot. Caroline tells Bonnie and Alaric to get Jermeys body out of the grill. Caroline waits until they leave then she turns to her mom, “We did this before you know?” her eyes are watering but she refuses to let herself cry, “But I was so scared of you, of what you might do that I took it away.”

Her mom shakes her head, her eyes watery but they have been since she shot Jeremy in the chest. 

“Mom, I am so tired. I am so tired of us being afraid of each other.” Caroline tries to infuse her voice with all the sincerity she has ever felt in her life.

Liz lowers the gun finally. She covers her face with the hand that isn’t holding the gun. “Me too sweetie. I, me too.”

 “So can we just be done with this? Can you be my mom again?” Tears fall down her mom’s face and she steps forward for a hug. She places her gun down on one of the tables and squeezes Caroline tight. Caroline melts into the hug. But she still keeps her ears sharp for any sudden movements that might indicate a stake to the back.

–

She is standing in the sun without a daylight ring. It hurts but not a burning hurt. An ache down to her soul because she knows this is a dream. She is dreaming and her skin sparkles as she sits feeling the sunlight on her face. She feels the wind and the grass and she is a ladybug. She lands on a dandelion and doesn’t even have enough weight to scatter the petals. She flys for a while longer and she is in her house. There is a hare on the couch. It is breathing fast. Unhealthily fast. 

She lands on the Hares snout and it goes cross eyed trying to look at her. As a favor to it she moves to the side closer to the left eye than the right. The hare is a wolf is a sheep is a wolf. She remains a ladybug except for the half second she is a wolf spider. But it barely counts and the hare that is a sheep that is a wolf doesn’t see which basically means it didn’t happen.

The sheep wolf hare eats her and within its maw she becomes a wolf spider once more

–

Caroline misses Stefan. She gets that he’s dating Elena and that gives Elena sad girl privileges to miss him the most, but Stefan was nice to her. Kept her calm when she had no idea what to do about anything and to top it off saved her life a couple times. 

She misses him but she’s already spent far too much of the year moping about one thing or the other and as much as she likes Stefan he got himself into this situation to save Damon of all people’s life. And well. She gets it. Or she probably would if she had a sibling but she doesn’t so she sits in her anger and pretends it is longing. 

–

Klaus is a wolf at rest. Curled in on himself with his tail resting over his nose. The forest is not on fire and it never has been. There is a squirrel nearby but his hunger is sated. He watches the squirrel bury an acorn and wonders at what point in time will the squirrel forget where he put it. He inhales deeply and it smells of oil paint and mineral spirits. He closes his eyes as he hears another wolf running a ways away from him. He wonders what that wolf is chasing. If it wants some of the peace he has found.

He gets up to chase after the wolf, just as he has been in waking these last few weeks. Klaus runs and runs but the other wolf remains just ahead of him. He wakes before he can catch up.

–

Caroline begins hanging out with Bonnie and Elena normally again over the summer, they go to the movies and parties and just hang around each other's houses. They see the new Twilight in theaters as well as Vampires Suck and sit in the irony. Caroline wanted to go see Black Swan too but Elena doesn’t like horror so they didn’t.

“I’m just saying that we don’t know what's out there, we should be as prepared as possible.” Caroline refuses to smile. If she smiles she gives away the game.

“I don’t know Care, Tinkerbell? She’s pretty harmless. I don't see the need for us to research her weaknesses.” Bonnie’s lips twitch but she catches herself before it becomes a full smile.

“We don’t know for sure that she’s harmless. She could have cut a deal with the studio, Like a protection racket! Safety in exchange for giving her a good public image.”

Elena who’s sitting on the couch and has always had little patience for this game snorts at the protection racket concept. Caroline counts that as half a win already but Bonnie isn’t done either, “What she’s upping her image to have an easier time luring people away? Wouldn’t she just stop after one movie then?”

“Ah ha you see she signed her life story away to disney and now they’re doing whatever they want with it, the fact that it helps her image and gives her extra residuals checks is unimportant”

Bonnie purses her lips, not like she's mad but to repress a smile. She gives up and giggles. 

Caroline flops back onto the couch “Victory!”

“Yea yea, whatever you win.” Bonnie rolls her eyes, “Just know that I wasn’t at my best because I was up late doing tracking spells.”

“That doesn’t matter you lost fair and sq-”

Elena interrupts, “Did you find him?” 

Bonnie’s jaw tenses, “I already would have told you if I found him.”

They sit in tense silence for half a minute before Caroline decides to break it, “Ok! So now we just need to put the cocktail in the water bottles. Elena since you were D.D. last time it’s Bonnies turn but if you sit out again next time you're it again, alright?” Elena nods and Caroline nods back at her.

They drive out to Richmond because they have a 3D showing of Tinkerbell. Elena and Caroline start pregaming in the car, Bonnie rolls her eyes but only because she lost. If she had won she would be doing the exact same thing. Bonnie drives them there and they stop at the grocery to get snacks, because they’re cheaper than in the theater. They go inside with Elena and Caroline already a bit tipsy. Caroline watches the movie with eyes wide and gleeful. Elena falls asleep on Bonnie's shoulder. 

As they leave the theater Bonnie complains about the fact that all British people seem to be evil, as according to their own personal experiences and also to Tinkerbell. Caroline counters that the little girl was British and good. Bonnie ignores her too put on the music. Caroline reaches over to up the volume and Bonnie slaps her hand away. “No changing the station.”

“I was just going to make it louder.” Bonnie squints at her then nods in allowance. 

Elena snores in the backseat. She fell right back asleep as soon as they were in the car. “We should make her be designated driver all the time if all she’s gonna do is sleep off the alcohol.”

Bonnie snorts and nods, “Oh absolutely. I liked the movie well enough but I think I would have liked it even more if I was drunk.” They stop at Dairy Queen to get milkshakes. They bicker about whether or not to get Elena one too and decide they might as well. 

–

A girl around Carolines age stares up at her with unseeing eyes. She is dressed in worn clothes in a, medieval cut? Caroline can’t focus enough to figure out what era this girl is supposed to be from, and the girl does not breathe. She drops to her knees and shakes her, pretending that if she doesn’t acknowledge the girl's blood pooling over her stomach it isn’t real. It’s a figment of her imagination. He can’t breathe as he stares at his little sister. Caroline can’t get enough air in. She is hyperventilating and the girl twitches. She never gets to see what happens next because there is a sharp pain in her middle, when she looks down she is somehow unsurprised by the sword protruding from her.

Chapter Text

The first hint that she’s starting to really like Tyler is that she lets him ‘teach’ her how to play pool. There were probably other signs too but that's the first one that Caroline actually acknowledges. She stands there in the Mystic Grill she’s been going to all her life and lets him play pretend at showing her how to line up the cue ball. It’s just an excuse for them to stand close together. Tyler pressed against her back as he holds the cue with her. She giggles at his mediocre jokes and helps him through his transformations. 

She knows Tyler likes her too but isn’t sure if she wants to do anything about it for a while. For now she is comfortable sitting in the experience of having a crush and being crushed on. She isn’t sure that Tyler knows she knows but that just makes it more fun. They meet for lunches, drink together and play video games on her Wii. Overall it’s not a terrible amount of potential for a relationship.

–

She is tiny, she uses a thimble as a bucket to collect her things. She carries an old sewing needle as a sword. She is fencing a mouse the mouse is gaining on her and she stabs out wildly in one last ditch effort. It lands. In its death knell it says how could you. How could you do this to me. She has defeated the great evil and she is not crying. Princess Thumbalina will give her a kiss of life as reward and she will not cry. She needs a distraction. Her victory is short lived but she needs to move on to the next thing before she drowns in her own sorrow.

She hears muffled voices. There is a hole in the wall, probably from the mouse that lays defeated at her feet. She walks through the hole with sword at the ready. She exits on a shelf high above the ground. There is a giant. Two giants, a boy and a girl. The boy is comforting the girl. The girl is scared of the thunder. The boy hands over a wood carved toy and the girl calms. A water droplet falls and then another until one lands on her. She is washed away.

–

Caroline hosts a small party for Bonnie’s going away for the summer. It's not really a party, more of a child's sleepover with drinking games, but Bonnie is the one leaving for the summer and she’ll be gone a whole month so Caroline figures she can follow Bonnie's request to keep it small.

Matt declined to come, probably because Caroline was hosting but the cheer girls came and so did Jeremy and Tyler for a bit. Once the party winds down and it’s just Caroline Elena and Bonnie, they watch Fantastic Mr. Fox. When Elena falls asleep early like she always has, they put on Coraline. Caroline likes Coraline a lot. She’s quite drunk at this point so she keeps on giggling that they almost share a name even as the other mother becomes more and more monstrous. 

Before putting on Jennifers Body Caroline carries Elena upstairs and tucks her into Carolines own bed. In the time it takes her to go down the stairs again she comes to the realization that she needs to have brownies right now. She notifies Bonnie of this. 

Bonnie nods solemnly, “Brownies would be great right now. We doing box or from scratch.”

Caroline snorts, “Who do you think I am.” She rolls her eyes, “A fucking box batch. Seriously?”

“Oh I bow down to you and your from scratch brownies.” Bonnie mocks, her voice fond.

They burst into giggles and Caroline shooes Bonnie into the kitchen counter seat. Caroline decides that she’s not too drunk as to not be able to eyeball something as simple as brownies. 

Bonnie says, “I know I’m the witch here but I think that you’re magic.”

Caroline deliberately misunderstands, “Yes I am in fact a magical creature known as a vampire.”

Bonnie throws a chocolate chip at Caroline, who vamp speeds to be able to catch it in her mouth, “Stop fishing for compliments.” Caroline giggles. 

Caroline has been liking horror more recently. Her life has become so chaotic and terrifying all the time that being scared by something she knows won’t hurt her is calming. Elena thinks she’s tempting fate like this. That for every scary movie Elena watches she waits for its creatures to jump out from behind the woods to get her. Maybe it’s different because Caroline is a vampire. She has changed down to her bones and she likes it this way. It took some adjusting but Caroline likes being strong. Elena is protected but Caroline can protect herself. Caroline knows which one she prefers. Though maybe it’s different for Elena, maybe for Caroline protected means defenseless and stupid. Means left in the dark after being told the monsters under the bed can’t get her when they already had.

She thinks Bonnie agrees with her on the horror movie thing. They didn’t used to hang out on their own that often. It used to be that Caroline was just tagging along with Elena and Bonnie, ever the matched set. But now that they’ve both gotten into horror they hang out every Thursday or so and have slowly been working their way through old slashers and the new things movies that came out while everything was too hectic to be doing anything but surviving.

Once Caroline put the brownies in the oven she herds Bonnie back to the couch and puts on Jennifers body. She likes Jennifer's Body a lot, the blood and the gore aren’t realistic or detailed enough to bother her and she burns with anger at the boyband in the movie. Really she can’t get past feeling sorry for Jennifer and Needy to feel scared. She says as much to Bonnie.

“Really?” Bonnie asks without taking her eyes off the screen. Of Jennifer decaying before their eyes. 

“I wonder if she was powered by their blood or their deaths.”

“Well if she was powered by their deaths why would she bother eating them?”

Caroline purses her lips. “I don’t know. She probably had her digestive tract changed. Remember the black puke Needy had to scrub.”

Bonnie shrugs and the conversation trickles off. The movie lets you know the ending from the beginning. Caroline hopes her own life isn’t like that. Just a bucket of blood, scrubbing the floor and an ending that everyone else had seen coming from the beginning.

–

Her dream is monochromatic. Filled in different stark shades of red she almost doesn’t notice the boy sat in the corner. He is also covered in red, blending him into the blood splattered wall except for the space below his eyes where he has cried away the blood. Caroline tries to rush forward to find a way to comfort the blood covered boy, but she can’t. She is but blood on the wall herself and the only movement she can take is down, her consciousness dripping down the side of the wall becoming more thinly stretched. There are thunderous footsteps and her dream pops like a bubble.

Chapter Text

Tyler joins in for part of the party prep for Elena’s birthday which Caroline wasn’t really expecting. They’re friends and all and she likes him but Tylers still a bit of a dick. Caroline assumed he would say some sort of condescending compliment about leaving the preparations to people who know what they’re doing. He isn’t the most helpful but he doesn’t say that so it's sort of a win either way. They stumble their way through an awkward conversation about heightened sex drives due to supernatural causes while alternating between no eye contact and far too much of it until Tyler leaves and Bonnie gives her a long look with a brow raised.

Caroline isn’t one of the people obsessing over saving Stefan. She loves Stefan for what he’s done for her, for how he has helped her come into her own with regards to vampirism, and she understands why the others are doing what they’re doing, but to her Stefan made his choice and that choice was to save his stupid brother from a death he’s had coming for a while now. But her moms the one with the connections best suited for looking for him and Elena is the search party president so Caroline gets roped into passing along information. 

Mostly she just tells her mom to call Elena herself but Caroline has always been too curious for her own good. She wants to know what's coming next because it feels inevitable that there will be something next. So Caroline tells her mom to just tell Elena herself but still listens attentively. Sits in wait and tries to make herself believe it’s irrational.

–

Caroline is a lone wolf. It is her against the world. She devours her prey before they can even think to run and relishes in it. But the thing about lone wolves is they live alone and die faster than the ones in a group. And she is so very isolated. Lone wolves die faster because they’re in unknown terrain. Caroline knows where she is though. She knows every rock and pebble from the waterfall to the road and she knows that it will never be enough. She climbs into a nest and lays down with the eggs. When she wakes, she realizes she squashed them in her sleep. The mother bird has returned and it will swallow her whole.

–

Unlike Bonnie who’s never been fond of too much attention to begin with, Elena used to thrive on it. Still does in some ways though now it’s mostly through the Salvatores throwing themselves at her feet. Caroline doesn’t ask what Elena wants to do for her birthday because Caroline knows what she would have used to want. And for all of her flaws Caroline wants to help her. She wants Elena to be able to regain that zest for life that she used to have. She’s gotten better, but barely. 

Planning Elena's party is easy. She barely has to plan it, just say ‘It's a party for sweet, sad Elena Gilbert and that yes of course there will be beer, bring your friends.’ and then it’s done. The main thing is getting the keg and the liquor. No one in Mystic Falls is willing to sell alcohol to the sheriff's daughter so she has to drive out a town over where they don’t know her to buy absurd quantities of alcohol with the card she stole from Damon. 

Caroline greets the first couple of people who enter and waits for the party to really get started. She watches as Alaric drinks on the porch with Damon then turns on a heel to take five shots at once just to feel a bit of a buzz.

Caroline drinks steadily until she sees Bonnie at the end of the hall and resists the urge to vamp speed up to her. Instead she walks calmly and smushes her face into the crook of Bonnie's neck, smelling the blood that pumps steadily through Bonnie's veins but focusing on the warmth.

“Hi Care.”

“Do you think vampires can get prophetic dreams?” Caroline mumbles into Bonnie's neck.

“I mean, maybe? The vampire spell cuts vampires off of a lot of other forces but might not on the dreams level. Have you been having bad dreams again?”

“I don't know if they’re bad. But they are definitely not good.”

Bonnie hums for Caroline to continue.

“I don't know. It’s hard to explain. They're just unsettling. The other day I dreamt of a snake with human legs telling me to bite the apple. I didn't like it.”

“Well was it a good or bad dream?”

Caroline lifts her head up, “I couldn't tell. It was just what was happening. But on the prophetic side I wouldn't even be able to interpret the dream unless I could find an answer to the highly debated question of was the sin of the apple good.”

“That would probably be the prophecy. It wouldn't be well defined, especially not for a vampire I would think.” Bonnie rubs her fingers into her eyes. “Look, how about you bring this up when neither of us is drunk and we go from there.”

Caroline nods and wanders away, taking full enjoyment of forcing her way through the crowd with her vampire strength.

Her night is looking up until her eyes catch on Tyler. Seeing Tyler with Slutty Sophie at a party she planned is what pushes her over the edge. She feels a burning jealousy that she has no right to. it makes her decide she needs a right to it. She is jealous and she might as well stake her claim. They go to his place.

–

Caroline isn’t quite sure what makes her sneak out of Tyler's room but she does and fuck is it a mistake. Her bag burning her to touch is what lets Caroline know she’s kinda screwed. When Carol Lockwood turns the corner at first she can’t make sense of it. She’s too focused on trying not to die of embarrassment to realize she should be trying not to die, period. She puts it together by the time Mrs. Lockwood has her tranq gun pointed at her but by then it’s too late. 

When she wakes she’s shackled to  a chair. She can immediately tell that there's someone else in the room with her but it being her dad takes her off guard. She hasn’t seen her dad for almost a year now, they haven’t spoken in ages. Why is he here? How did he know she needed help?

And then. And then and then and then. “How do you walk in the sun?”

“What?” She isn’t even playing dumb, she doesn’t understand why he’s asking. She can’t make herself understand why he’s here. She stays in denial until her dad is gently, so so gently lifting the necklace with her daylight ring off and is opening the sunlight hatch.

–

When her mom comes for her she half thinks she’s making it up. That it’s just a pretty fantasy to escape the way her skin is burnt and peeling and that her daddy just told her he was torturing her so he didn’t have to kill her. He’s an idiot is the thing. If she doesn’t feed she's as good as dead anyways. Abstaining from drinking blood is not simple otherwise Stefan wouldn’t have spent half his life keeping himself weak on animal blood. If it was that simple Caroline wouldn’t have killed that man at the fair. 

Because the thing is. It would never have worked even if it was that easy. Because blood is power. And Caroline likes being powerful. She likes knowing that she can take care of herself. That she isn’t weak to the whims of any passing vampire. Caroline likes being a vampire and that is something she will never tell her father. Because he thinks she can be fixed and the real truth of it is she wouldn’t even want to be.

When her mom fires her gun that’s when she knows it’s real. If this was really a fantasy her mom would have been able to talk her dad around. Her dad would say “Oh god what have I done. Oh god my baby girl what did I do to her.” and he would throw the door open and she doesn’t know what would happen next because she isn’t sure if she would absolve him if he asked. Caroline thinks she might relish in saying no. In saying no I don’t forgive you and I never will. But she does not get that chance. 

Tyler comes into her little torture cell and tears off her restraints, unaffected by the vervain gas still in the room. He picks her up in a princess carry and it takes all of her remaining willpower not to sink her fangs into his carotid. He’s stupid like that, putting a hungry vampire that close to his neck. But it’s sweet.

–

The lacerations on her wrists faded as soon as she got some blood in her but they still ache as though she does not have super healing. As though she was weak and powerless. In the grand scheme of things. She is. Even in the small scheme of things she is. 

She tries to rest.

In her dreams she sees bodies that will not wake. They were supposed to wake back up. That was the whole point. Now he’s stuck with a man that doesn’t like him and twenty corpses that should be moving by now. She sees Stefan, face full of derision under a forced layer of nonchalance. She is tired. They were supposed to wake up.

Caroline wakes up.

–

Caroline invites herself over to Bonnie's house.

She shows up with the brownie recipe Bonnie likes, smile wide and fake.

Bonnie just takes the tray out of her hand and beckons Caroline inside. They walk to Bonnie's room in silence because Caroline doesn’t want to say what she has to say until they’re in Bon’s room and Bonnie is eating a brownie. Bonnie closes the door behind her and Caroline flops onto Bonnie's bed. Bonnie sits down more restraintedly.

“So…”

Caroline cranes her neck at a funny angle to look at Bonnie. “So?”

“So stop dodging and tell me why you made me the extra fudgy brownies that you don’t like.”

Caroline heaves a sigh, sits up and begins. “I dreamt of Stefan, he was covered in blood and there were bodies everywhere and he was watching a kid kick a bees nest. He was destroying the nest but nothing happened. When the nest cracked open, there wasn't even any honey. Just maggots.”

Bonnie chews consideringly. “Have you considered that the dreams are from your mood stabilizers?”

Caroline scrunches up her face. “I mean. I guess they could be? But they feel different than when I just have a regular weird dream.”

“There’s two different kinds of dreams?”

“Well yeah. There’s the ones that are just things happening, ones where I’m doing something and then there’s ones that I only get the tail end of.” Like the ones where I can’t move she doesn't say. 

Bonnie nods. “Well I could look and see if there's any trace of the future in your mind.”

“How would you do that?”

“The future would leave behind splinters or stains, I could do something to analyze what's left behind if I find anything.”

–

Caroline runs into her dad at the Lockwood's barbecue. She hides out in Tyler's bedroom for a while. When Tyler gets back she tells him about seeing her dad, about how it was terrifying. Tyler says he can go beat him up for her which is sweet even though she’s a lot stronger than him. She says yes to his offer and then no. But when she said yes. She meant it. Wholeheartedly. She’s always been good at being mad. Adding love to the mix isn’t all that hard.

When Damon attacks her dad it puts Caroline in the position of fucking defending him. Which she does. Because he’s her dad. He tries to refuse her offer of blood to heal him but she tells him to grow up about it and feeds it to him anyways. 

Then she punches Damon in the jaw which feels incredible. But then he has her on the desk. He’s on top of her holding her down and she almost freezes. She panics. 

“I’m stronger than you little girl.” Damon says. 

“Well I’m angrier!” And she is. She is so mad. She is furious about so many things. And it works. She headbutts him and pushes him off of her and she didn’t realize she had been having trouble breathing until she’s gasping for air.

She grabs her dad and runs. She leaves him in the backyard before getting in her car to have a panic attack.

–

Caroline is a fish in a bowl she tries to swim forward but there is a wall in front of her. She tries to tell the fish next to her about the wall but for some reason it can swim right through. She tries and tries and all she gets is pain. But she has to move forward. Going backwards will kill her and she does not want to die. She is a girl on the cusp of eighteen and she is banging her head against the glass. There is a fish next to her who comes and goes as he pleases but will not do her the courtesy of breaking her trap. The crow caws from above her and the other fish is gone. It is only her and she get past the stupid fucking wall

–

Caroline wakes feeling trapped. She doesn’t move for a minute and a half scared that she won’t be able to if she tries. She sighs tiredly. So so tired. She gets out of bed.

Caroline sees her dad again while walking with Elena and she almost doesn’t say hi. But she does. She asks him how he’s healing and he says good as new. He thanks her for rescuing him. He does not say sorry. He says “You’re a vampire sweetheart. I don’t think you’ll ever be okay again.” He doesn’t say sorry for that either. If he did, Caroline wouldn’t believe him. And then he leaves.

He leaves and Caroline watches him go. Unsure if she ever wants to see him again and even less sure what she’s supposed to do now that her daddy hates her. She walks home to work on her homecoming plans.

Chapter Text

The blonde that is no longer only in her dreams snaps her neck when she comes for Tyler on senior prank night. She moves so fast that Caroline barely sees her. When she wakes up the other girl is on Caroline's phone. The words fall out of her mouth before she has a chance to think about it. She blames it on recently having all oxygen to her brain cut off.

“You look so familiar.” 

The girl narrows her eyes at her, “Maybe it’s because I’m like a prettier version of you, little girl. I’m Rebekah, thrilled I’m sure.”

Then she’s distracted by Rebekah's resemblance to the woman from her dreams by the fact that Tyler is dead. She calls his name and puts her ear to his chest and feels no heartbeat. 

“He’ll be fine. Got some vampire blood in him before I snapped his neck.”

Caroline nods silently, probably in shock. She carries Tyler into the science lab and sets his body on one of the tables. Rebekah watches her do this silently. Caroline sits down and Rebekah sits across from her. Still messing with Caroline's phone. Caroline feels like getting it back is not currently the most important thing right now so she lets it be. 

“You look. So familiar.”

“Yeah you said that already. Don’t be boring now love, say something else or are you a broken record? Only say that one thing and sob your little paramours name”

Caroline huffs and tries to think about what to do. She can’t do anything about Tyler that's up to Bonnie but. Maybe she can figure out something about Rebekah. “Alright then. What about you. Who are you anyways.”

She doesn’t expect to get an answer so she’s surprised when Rebekah says, “I am Rebekah, I’m one of the originals.”

“So your Klaus’s sister,”

“Must I be defined by the men I am related to? That went out of fashion decades before you were born.” Caroline snorts at that despite herself. Rebekah laughs too, “You have the laugh of a pig.”

Caroline flushes. First with embarrassment then with rage. “Ok miss Gap catalog.”

“I don’t know what that is but I assume it is some feeble attempt to heckle me.” Caroline rolls her eyes. She hunches over and puts her face in her hands. She mumbles to herself, “I thought you were nicer.”

It was overheard by Rebekah of course who seems to truly look at her for the first time. “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing. I don’t mean anything by it you're just-” She cuts herself off before she can say ‘a massive bitch’, “I don’t know what I meant by it. I’m just in shock from my boyfriend dying.”

Rebekah probably wouldn’t have let it drop except she gets distracted by the necklace Elena’s wearing in one of the pictures on Caroline's phone and storms off. Caroline debates running away and taking Tyler with her but she feels frozen. Like all her limbs are trapped in amber like a shrink wrapped dinosaur exhibit. By the time Caroline feels able to move Rebekah is back so it doesn’t really matter.

Rebekah says nothing so they sit in silence until Tyler gasps awake. She comforts Tyler best she can and before she knows it Rebekah is restraining her while the man she guesses is Klaus gets Tyler to drink Elena's blood. Caroline struggles against Rebekah’s hold but the other girl has arms of steel. Tyler drinks. Tyler collapses. He falls to the ground thrashing and yelling and suddenly. It stops. Tyler looks up and his eyes are different. He looks up, and he’s as close to alive as a recent murder victim can be.

Rebekah and Klaus leave after that, they don't tell Caroline where they’re going but they’re gone and for now that's all that matters. And then Tylers weirdly nonchalant about the whole having just been murdered thing. Concerningly so but people tend not to like when someone else makes a judgment on what their emotional state should be so Caroline goes along with it. Tyler twirls her around and kisses her and all the while she wonders what the hell is going on.

–

She is hiding. She is hiding hiding hiding. He is small and unobtrusive but he still breathes. Breathing makes too much sound. Any sound at all brings ire especially unto him. She is older and has learned to run instead of hide. He is running and running but cannot get away. There is no one she can trust except those also running but those also running are desperate. She is found. He was innocuous; that was her mistake. He seemed like anyone at all and she did not see him until he was tearing out her larynx.

Caroline wakes, dream already fading but sense memory caught between needing to heave, being strangled and the expecting of blinding pain. She stumbles to the bathroom as she hyperventilates, unsure what exactly she is fearing but knowing it would take her apart down to her atoms if possible. Caroline collapses into the bathtub fully clothed, turns the shower head to freezing and tries to remember how to breathe.

Chapter Text

Caroline is an optimist. She does not come by it naturally but it is too exhausting to constantly be sad. That is not to say she doesn’t think through all of the possible worst case scenarios but she at the very least keeps them in the back of her mind. Does her best not to bring the mood down with things that aren’t particularly likely to happen. So when she, Bonnie and Elena are listing all the ways that this year might suck just to get them out of their systems and then Elena says “Today's our anniversary.”, Caroline does her very best not to grind her teeth into a fine dust. Because firstly, no it isn’t, the beginning of school was when Elena and Stefan met, not when they got together, and secondly, Bonnie and Caroline were trying to hype themselves up. But whatever. It’s fine. 

Caroline is putting up flyers for the Spirit Squad bonfire and trying not to think about all the reasons a night of drunken fun in the dark woods is a bad idea. But whatever. It'll be fine. Caroline is getting Elena to agree to come to the bonfire when Tyler shows up. With blood on his shirt. Caroline and Elena drag him into the bathroom to ask about it. And then apparently it’s all fine and dandy because the blood is from a blood bag. ‘Oh where did you get that?’ One might be wondering but never fear! It’s fine, Tyler got it from Rebekah because that's not worrying at all. Elena leaves and Caroline decides to change her approach. She needs to find out more about Rebekah anyways.

“So Rebekah’s gonna be, what? Showing you the ropes of vampirism?”

Tyler shrugs, still cool as a cucumber, “I mean I maybe? Look it’ll be fine, I’m a hybrid now. I can take care of myself.”

Caroline expends a large amount of energy that could have been used on literally anything else stopping herself from rolling her eyes. “Are you honestly trying to spin this as you being somehow in control of the situation?”

Tyler, with no sense of politeness or how to have a proper conversation, rolls his eyes.“Look I get that you’re a bit worried because of everything but it’ll be okay. Maybe it’ll even be helpful.” And then he walks away into the crowded hallway where there is no ability to continue the conversation. So really senior year is off to a great start.

Rebekah makes an appearance in person in history class. But her only crime there is her presence. What really throws her off is during cheer practice Rebekah shows up and threatens Caroline. Not her life or anything, just the things that make up it. Her popularity, her boyfriend, her spot as cheer captain. Things which Caroline cannot figure out why Rebekah wants. Then Caroline doesn’t even have time to worry about that because Tyler compels the football coach in the most obvious way possible that doesn’t involve yelling at the top of his lungs that he’s about to use mind control powers. Then he calls what Klaus did to him a ‘gift’. So that’s not concerning at all. 

Caroline goes home after cheer to wash off the smell of other people's sweat because for a vampire cheer isn’t actually all that tiring. She leans her forehead against the tiles and tries to clear her head enough to think. Something is obviously up with Tyler but she doesn't know enough about vampires or magic to figure out what. 

Later when Elena is planning to vervain and capture a humanityless Stefan, Tyler is against the plan to capture Stefan. Caroline is a bit too but mostly because it’s not a very good plan, with only vague instructions and a million ways it could break down and no clear back ups. But Tyler doesn’t want to do it because it wouldn't be good for Klaus. Damon vervains Tyler and says Tyler’s been sired. That he feels loyal to Klaus because Klaus's blood made him what he is. So that’s fun.

Caroline takes Tyler home and tries to talk some sense into him. It seems like it works but Caroline knows not to get too hopeful about these things. They get a bit distracted by each other to have the more in depth conversation that she knows is coming.

Chapter Text

There is something under her skin. Caroline scratches and claws and flays off a piece of her stomach and there is something under her skin. Caroline digs into the meat of her stomach until she feels something out of place. Blood squelches as her she grasps the thing that itches. The thing that is not right. She pulls the thing out of her stomach. As she wipes off the blood at first she thinks it’s a mask, but as she examines it further it’s a face. A face lovingly cut off of a skull.

She layers the face she found inside of herself over her own. The blood is tacky and drying fast. Soon it will hurt to remove. Caroline does lets it stay where it is. 

–

Caroline arrives to the school parking lot early, she is the head of decorating for the school dances this year and she wants everything to go perfectly. And if you want something done right you usually have to do it yourself. As she works on painting the van with glitter and neons Caroline considers whether or not she has to cut back on horror movies late at night. Her last dream was eerily similar to the weird face guy in Repo the Genetic Opera . The horror is comforting though, and in a way so are the dreams. If she’s dreaming of far off dystopian lands, then her sleeping mind is less likely to latch onto whatever's been happening to her in real life.

People slowly trickle into the parking lot as the sun moves higher into the sky. Tyler shows up and they paint together, taking turns with the glitter gun and aiming it at each other only for a little bit. It’s good. 

It's all really fun until Tyler says he set Matt and Rebekah up on a date. Because he’s lost his fucking mind apparently.

“What do you mean you set them up?”

“What's the big deal?”

“The big deal Tyler, is that Matt is an innocent good person. Who should not be going to dances with evil blood sluts.” Or Incubuses or dream demons or something.

“Matts a guy, Rebekah’s hot. It's all fine.

As much as she tries to convince Tyler the whole reaction is a sire thing she can’t get the idea through his head.

–

When Caroline gets to the gym and sees it flooded, she has to do some subtle box breathing to avoid bursting into tears. She spent weeks preparing for the dance and all that it gets her is wet streamers and mascara she refuses to let run.

Tyler offers his house up as a replacement locale, but when they get to his house its filled with strangers and far too well executed to have been last minute planned. She doesn’t know whats happening but it can’t be good. She walks further into the house to find Tyler. He’s walking with a six pack in his hand like a man on a mission. She runs after him, slowed by the crowds and her heels sinking into the grass. She loses him in the crowd. She tries to follow the smell of hybrid but it takes her to a different group of people who smell far too much like hybrids to be anything but. Caroline does not approach them. 

Caroline figures out what's going on quick enough after that. She sees Klaus and that combined with the other hybrids she’s sure are just as sired to Klaus as Tyler is and she avoids both of them. She can’t figure out exactly what happened but she’s sure that the gym flooding and ruining all her hard work was not left up to chance.

Caroline wanders off to look for Rebekah and Matt. When she finds Matt but no Rebekah is when she’s sure that there are pieces of plans being moved on both sides. Caroline knows she should be feeling more about the whole situation that seems to be unfolding that she was not given any information on, but underneath the stress of her party failing and also being upstaged she can’t find it in herself to care. Caroline still wants to help if she's able but she's so tired.

Caroline talks aimlessly with some of the cheer girls and tries to keep herself from obsessing over the plan she hasn’t been brought in on. Though it seems Tyler doesn’t know that she doesn’t know shit. Because Tyler injects her with vervain. To keep her safe he says later. And then she can’t even focus on that because Tyler says that he’s okay with being controlled. That it's better like this. Caroline doesn’t know what to do with that. She tries to reason with him, trying to appeal to the lack of control he has over himself. And he shrugs it off. Says that before he didn't have any more control. That he was trapped by the moon, as if a man being able to control every action you take is the same as the moonlies. And as much as Caroline cares about him, she can’t be with someone who’s ok with that.

–

It's a dream with Rebekah again. Rebekah is bright eyed, beautiful and couldn’t be a day over fourteen. She has a bruise the size of a hand on her arm. Caroline flies overhead and watches as from the point of the bruise Rebekah begins to melt. Caroline is on the ground and is a being with hands and she is gathering up the blood and viscera that makes up her sister.

She tries to hold Rebekah into a shape that needs her. Into a shape that will still love her even as she has the makings of Rebekah's soul on her palms. She blinks and the scene is trapped inside of a painting. No way to reach her anymore. Only able to try to liven up the scene, paint over the hand shaped bruise and put his sister back together again. But all the paint on her palette is red.

–

When Caroline went looking for Rebekah during the stupid excuse of a homecoming dance she really did want to talk to her. She figures Damon is the most likely to have done something to her but she decides to approach Elena first. Caroline pulls her aside during lunch.

“Do you know where Rebekah went? I wanted to ask her about something.” That's true. Caroline definitely wants to ask her something but she isn’t sure what the question would be. 

“Oh um, I forgot we didn’t tell you. When we were trying to kill Klaus I uh, daggered her. To make sure that she wouldn’t change sides and kill us all. Guess we didn’t account for the right person changing sides but on the bright side at least she’s off the cheerleading team.”

Fuck that makes this so much harder than it needs to be . Out loud she says, “Oh! Ok well I guess it doesn’t matter all that much anymore then.”

Chapter Text

Caroline pulls her car into her parking spot at school and immediately sees Tyler. She sits in her car for a while, bracing herself for the inevitable. 

They talk, he says “Even though I want to put you first before anyone, I can’t, and I’ll never be able to. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Caroline nods, “I'm sorry too.” And she is.

Tyler makes a face, like the spiel he did wasn’t just poorly timed and on her birthday but was supposed to make her want to be with him again. Maybe she’s imagining it but it makes rage boil in her gut. She pushes it down. She might be imagining it.

Tyler puts a jewelry bag in her hand, parts with a, “Happy birthday.” and walks away. There's a charm bracelet in the bag. Caroline just gets back in her car and goes home.

When Caroline gets home, Matt Elena and Bonnie jump out and yell surprise. Caroline knew they were there since before she opened the door. Caroline sorta hates and sorta loves surprises but all this one does is make her worry she will never get a good surprise again in her life. 

“Change into warmer clothes, we are going to the Falls. S'mores, camp fire.” Bonnie is smiling as she says it. Caroline is so happy that Bonnie and her are friends again but it doesn’t negate the fact that she is stuck in a filler year.

“Cake! Like when we were little.” Elena tells her.

“Except with tequila!” Matt adds

Fuck but Caroline doesn’t want to do this today. “Thanks, guys. Really, um, I'm just not feeling my birthday this year.”

“I'm sorry, what?” Bonnie asks, “You've already claimed your birthday as everyone's favorite day of the year.”

“Yeah, and now, it's just a reminder that technically, I'm dead. Look, I didn't even like 17. And the only point to being 17 is to get to 18. It's a filler year; I'm stuck in a filler year.”

Elena looks at her with her big sad doe eyes, “You're not stuck, Caroline.”

“Yeah I am, but it's okay. You know, it's all good, I'll be fine. But I just need some time to wallow in it.”

“Okay, well I think I have another idea.” Elena tells her

Elena’s idea is to go to the cemetery and hang out in a mausoleum. 

When Matt questions her Elena says, “Caroline was right...technically, she's dead.” Elena turns to address Caroline. “Sorry. But you don't need a birthday, you need a funeral. You need to say goodbye to your old life, so that you can move on with your new one.”

Caroline smiles. “Okay. Here lies Caroline Forbes…”

“Cheerleader, Miss Mystic Falls, third grade hopscotch champion…” Elena says as she adds birthday candles to a store bought cake.

“Friend, daughter, overachiever…” Bonnie adds.

“Mean girl, sometimes, no offense.” Caroline half heartedly glares at Matt.

Caroline shrugs.

“She was 17,” Elena continues, “and she had a really good life. So rest in peace, so that she can move forward.”

Elena walks up to Caroline, holding the cake out in front of her. “That's what you really need. What we all really need. Amen, or cheers or whatever. Bonnie?”

With a wave of her hand Bonnie lights the candles.

“Nice!” Elena says. “Okay, make a wish.”

Caroline closes her eyes. She wishes for how she feels now to last. She wishes to move forward.

–

Matt had just told the story of how one of the football players got benched from the team because he sprained his junk when Tyler shows up, the door even creaked ominously when he opened it.

“Can I talk to you? It’s kind of important.” he says, Caroline has to resist the temptation to mimic him. It’s her birthday, can’t he lighten up a bit? They walk out of the mausoleum and over to a tree Caroline decides to rest most of her weight against. Tyler grandstands a bit, says he loves her. That he can resist the sirebond. That he can do it for her. She kisses him. She’s debating in her head how far she’s willing to go in a graveyard when there's a sharp pain in her neck.

Caroline draws her hand up to her neck, where there’s more blood than there should be for a basically instantaneously healing vampire. There shouldn’t be any blood at all, “Did you just bite me?”

Tyler says ‘oh no’, Caroline’s going to die on her stupid birthday and all Tyler has to say about it is ‘oh no’. Caroline is having trouble breathing, the poison can’t be that fast acting, it took hours for Damon to start dying. But she’s younger than Damon and also hyperventilating and it’s her birthday. She yells at Tyler to leave and he does. She leans against a tree and slides down it to the ground, trying to convince her lungs that they would be able to work if they just tried.

She stays like that until Matt finds her. By then she’s crying too much to properly explain what’s going on, “I want,” heave for breath, “I, I need to,” try to force oxygen into rebelling bronchioles, “my mom, I need to, go home.” Matt helps her too her feet and together they stumble to the car. By the time they reach her house she feels both sore and pins and needles all over, Matt has to carry her inside.

Caroline gathers the energy to change into pajamas because if she’s going to die she might as well be comfortable. She lays down without taking off her makeup. Her mom sits on the edge of her bed with a makeup wipe, gently running it over Carolines face. Her moms eyes water as she says, “Hi sweetie, uhm. We still have some of that tres leches cake you made?” The cake was meant for a Homecoming afterparty that never happened. Her mom opens her mouth and closes it several times, grasping for the words but failing to find them. That’s okay though, Caroline and her mom have never been the best at talking to each other. Her own eyes water at that thought, that they won’t ever get a chance to learn how to get better. That Caroline will die before her mom, that her mom will be alone in their house, that she will have no one to remind her to eat breakfast. Caroline takes big gasping breaths as tears roll down her cheeks. Her mom rubs circles into her shoulder.

Caroline nods, through hiccuping breaths she asks “Can you, can you bring me a slice the size of my head?”

Her mom nods, “Yeah baby I sure can.”

Her mom brings her a bowl full of cake and Caroline starts crying again, because who else is going to tell her mom about all the infinite pros to bowls over plates especially for eating in bed. Caroline cries into her bowl of tres leches while she hears Matt downstairs get up and sit down over and over again. 

Time passes strangely. One moment her bowl is full the next it is half gone. The next it’s finished and her mom is easing it out of her hands. Caroline turns to her mom, the woman who birthed her, the woman who will outlive her daughter twice over, “I’m gonna miss you.”

Her mom purses her lips. Inhales deeply and points her watery eyes up to the sky. Her mom opens her mouth to speak but nothing but air comes out. Caroline tilts her head, “Someone’s at the door.” Her mom nods. Hesitates, lays a hand on Carolines head, and walks out the door.

Caroline doesn’t bother to pay attention to the conversation at the door. Either her mom will let whoever it is in or she won’t. Soon she’ll be too dead to care. She forces her brain to turn sounds into meaning when footsteps that are not her mothers come up the stairs. Definitely a stranger. They don’t know which floor boards creek.

The first thing that comes to mind when Klaus walks into her room is Are you fucking kidding me. She stares at this man who is uninvitedly in her room and wishes she had the energy to scream to get out. She doesn’t do that though. She’s sure he doesn’t need one but she doesn’t want to give him an excuse to hurt her mom. “Are you going to kill me?”

“On your birthday? Do you really think that low of me?” He seems almost insulted. Well he definitely seems insulted but Caroline can’t tell how faked it is. 

Caroline lets as much vitriol as she can manage seep into her voice when she says, “Yes.”

Klaus looks at her, lifts the blanket covering Tyler's bite away. He says he’s sorry, that she’s collateral damage and it’s nothing personal. As if it ever is. As if she ever gets to be more than a pawn in a plan. The one sacrificed so the queen can make a move, never reaching the other side of the board. 

When she says nothing Klaus reaches out again to flick one of the charms on her bracelet. “I love birthday’s.” Caroline calls him a billion years old and he responds by espousing on the freedoms from lack of trivial human convention and it’s stupid but all Caroline can think of is when she was in kindergarten sticking gum in other kids hair. The lecture she got on the golden rule that burned itself into her brain. He says she’s free.

“No, I'm dying.”

Klaus sits himself on the edge of her bed, says, “And I could let you. Die. If thats what you want. If you really belive your existence has no meaning. I thought about it myself, once or twice over the centuries. Truth be told.” Caroline doesn’t know why Klaus is telling her this. Her eyes are watering and it doesn’t make sense for him to tell her this. “But I’ll let you in on a little secret, there's a whole world out there waiting for you. Great cities and art and music,” He touches the skin around Caroline's bracelet, “genuine beauty. And you can have all of it. You can have a thousand more birthdays, all you have to do is ask.”

Caroline doesn’t know if she want’s a thousand more birthdays but, “I don’t want to die.”

Klaus rolls up his sleeve, picks her up to hold her closer to his chest and holds out his arm to her, “There you go sweetheart, have at it.” 

She sinks her fangs into his flesh and drinks hungrily

He whispers when he says it but it's as loud in her ears as if he yelled, “Happy birthday Caroline.” She didn’t know he knew her name. 

–

She is a fish on a quest. Caroline was given a mission by the great mermaid Queen Rebekah. She must slay the beast who is wreaking havoc over the kingdom of underwater Louisiana. She has acquired a companion on her quest. He does not know that they are companions. For now all he is doing is following her.

But her quest is grand and holy. She must gather the blueberries from the world above to create the sweet treat that will satiate the beast. Her companion has hidden himself from her, He follows from a distance but this is her territory and she has been swimming here since before the mermaid queen came to power. 

They reach the holy roots of the blueberry bush. She waits for her companion to reveal himself. When he does not she flares her gills and speaks anyways. ‘Gather the Rabbit Eye berries from the holy tree. Hold them in your mouth. We shall return to my lair and create the thing that will satiate the beast. The water moves as her companion climbs the holy roots to the Rabbit's Eye. The water is calm.

Her companion makes waves when he returns. A branch of the holy blueberry tree covered in Rabbit's Eyes. She sighs. The holy roots are intact though, so it will grow back and stronger. But while it returns it will be weak. She will ask the queen to appoint a guard. 

–

When Caroline wakes there is a jewelry box on her bed side table.

Chapter Text

Tyler shows up at her house to apologize. Just lets himself into her house the way he did when he was fresh to the supernatural world. When Tyler first broke into her house, back when he was just getting the hang of the whole werewolf thing, for half a second she thought it was Damon. That Damon had decided he wasn’t bored of her after all. That it didn’t matter how much stronger she’d become, he could still hurt her. That actually she had fucked up in some minor but significant enough way that he was going to kill her for it. When she realized it was Tyler it was all she could do to stop herself from sagging with relief. 

This time it’s less of a break in and more of her mom probably let him in or told him where the hidden key was, but still. 

“Why are you helping me?” Tyler had asked while they were reading through dear dead Mason Lockwoods diary, trying to prepare for the inevitable approach of Tyler's first full moon. 

And she told him her main reasons, that she had been alone when she turned, that she didn’t want the same thing happening to him. She didn’t tell him that the alternative was that she let Damon Salvatore kill him.

She thought about it is the thing. Just letting what would happen happen. Letting him turn and accepting how it played out as not her problem. But she couldn’t. The very thought of it weighed on her conscience, bitchy neurotic Caroline Forbes not just a murderer herself but complicit in whatever harm Tyler did.

Tylers an idiot for not understanding that she just wanted to help. That it didn’t matter if his bite could kill her because lots of things could kill her when she was human and she still went about her life. She liked him so she had let him kiss her.

Now that he has actually bit her and she almost died of it, Caroline almost wished she had left well enough alone. Let him figure it out on his own. But she didn’t really think that. She just wished she did. Really she felt sad but feeling sad is one of the most useless feelings in the world.

Tyler talks about how he sees that she’s right now. It's whatever. She doesn’t really think he's going to do anything about it until her dad walks out. Because he called her dad. Because that's a normal and regular thing to do. Call your girlfriend's dad after he tortured said girlfriend because he now has the capability to be helpful to you personally. Great. 

Tyler wants her dad to teach him how to resist the sire bond. When she asks why her dad answers, “Because he made a mistake, and now he wants to make good. And I understand that.”

Her dad has Tyler turn to break the sire bond. It doesn’t work. Well the turning on demand works but it doesn’t break the sire bond. All that really happens is her dad has to go to the ICU.

–

Caroline dreams of a horse. Its beautiful mane and in the distance there is a fire. The fire is approaching and it will take care to burn all of her carefully constructed paintings to ash. She never should have bothered. Elijah is there and it is a balm to her heart. She reaches to place her arm on Elijah’s shoulder, to steady against the oncoming flood of fire. There is no Elijah.

She is surrounded on all sides by fires warm embrace.

–

Caroline is the one who goes to pick her dad up from the hospital. Elena comes with her because she wants to make sure that the doctor Alaric likes isn’t insane. Caroline doesn’t know how she plans to gauge that based off a two minute conversation Caroline has but that's whatever. 

Dr. Fell says she already signed her dads discharge papers. Caroline is a bit hurt he didn’t call but somehow it isn’t shocking. Dr. Fell also obliquely makes it clear that she knows Caroline is a vampire in such a way where she can’t even tell if it’s a threat. She decides against taking it as one.

It’s when she calls her dad’s phone that her hair stands on end. She can hear the phone ringing and she knows. She knows that something is wrong but its too vague a feeling to figure out what.

Caroline knows he’s dead as soon as she sees him is the thing. There is no heartbeat in the room besides her own and Elenas. She pulls the knife out of his chest, begging him not to be dead even as she knows he is.

“Caroline,” Elena says, “He has vampire blood in his system.”

And before Caroline can even process what that means her dad is gasping awake. 

Her dad is grouchy as she shepherds him into an empty hospital room, twitchy and wide eyed. “I compelled the nurse to stay out of this room. You'll be safe here.” Caroline tells her dad in the same hospital that she woke up in. Where she died.

“ My wound is completely healed. I need something to eat.” Her dad says, not listening to her.

Caroline asks her dad to sit down, to take a breath.

“ I can't. I'm too wired and my pulse is racing. It's the effect of my body wanting to transition.” He says transition like a curse.

“ Well, maybe Doctor Fell can give you something.”

“ She's done enough.”

Elena opens the door, shutting it quickly behind her, “I called your mom.” She tells Caroline

“Thanks.”

Elena turns to Caroline’s dad, “Mr. Forbes, did you see your attacker?”

“I didn't see anything. Tried to sneak out the back exit and someone came up from behind.”

“Look,” Caroline says, “We'll figure this out, but in the meantime we need to get you some blood.”

“I'm not going to drink any blood.” And Carolines heart drops.

Elena doesn’t get it. “You have to. You died with vampire blood in your system. If you don't feed and finish the transition into a vampire then you'll die.”

“I understand how it works.” Her dad says. “And that's what I'm prepared to do. Now get me out of this hospital. I smell blood everywhere.”

Leaving the hospital feels far too easy for the pit forming in her stomach. They just walk out. No one pays them any mind. Caroline drives home.

Her mom meets them twenty minutes after they get home. Elena went over to talk to Alaric about the weapons used or something. Caroline was focused on the fact that her dad was dying.

She sits in the living room in silence. Her dad makes no attempt at conversation, just looks at her. She stays until her mom gets back home then steps outside to the porch. 

Time passes. Eventually it’s dark and Elena is back. “Did you hear back from Tyler yet?” She asks.

“No. And I've left messages for him everywhere.” Silence stretches. “So, does Alaric really think that Dr. Fell did it?”

“He doesn't know what to think.”

“What about you?”

“I wish the girl Alaric liked wasn't in the middle of all of this. He deserves to be happy.” Elena heaves a dainty sigh, “But yeah, she looks guilty. It's why I told your mom.”

“My mom's in there sitting with my dad. And I don't think they've been in the same room this long since I was ten years old.” Caroline hesitates before asking, “Is there any chance that Tyler did it?”

“What?”

“If Klaus was trying to mess with you and he's sired to Klaus. And, I mean, he does everything that he's told.”

“No....no, I don't think Tyler did it.” But she doesn’t say why. Caroline thinks it’s because Elena knows she doesn't really have a reason against it. Just the fact that she doesn’t want it to be true. 

“I can't just let my father die. You know, I'm...I'm gonna force him to feed.”

“Hey....he doesn't want to, Caroline. The only thing your dad has is his choice.” But that's not true at all , Caroline wants to say. He has me . But Caroline doesn’t know if he does. She doesn’t want him dead. But she doesn’t want him near her either. 

Caroline starts to cry. “I hated him so much for what he did to me. So much. Now all I want to do is save his life.”

“Of course you do, he's your dad.” Like that gets him a free pass to torture her.

“What was the hardest part for you? When you lost your Dad?”

“Realizing all the things that he wouldn't be there for. The things that...that you just need your Dad for, you know?”

–

“How can you hate who I am so much?” Caroline asks her dad. He says he loves her but he ignores the fact that he does hate her. Her dad hates the very thing that gives her breath and moves her limbs and her dad hates her.

Caroline leans forward into her dads arms, “Please don’t leave me”

“Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children Caroline.” But hers already have. She's dead and her dad hates her and soon he’ll be gone and he will die pretending he doesn’t hate her.

“It’s okay.” He says. Her dad kisses the top of her head, “This is what it means to be human.” And she wants to rip him apart. To be human is not to die, everything dies all the time. To be human is when she was six years old sitting on the counter and stealing blueberries out from the batter. But she doesn’t want to fight while her dad is dying. In a way he’s dead already. Caroline doesn’t want to fight with a dead man. She cries into her dad’s chest some more, listening to his faux heartbeat, trying to memorize the feeling of what will be the last hug she gets from him.

Chapter Text

Steven makes the arrangements for the funeral. It’s simple, she packs a black dress and a change of clothes. The funeral is in a church. She doesn’t know anyone but Steven and his daughter Gabby. Technically they’re stepsisters but they never got along even when they had something tying them together. She sees no reason to bother now. She sits through the service. She leaves. She does not say goodbye to the body her dad no longer animates. She said her goodbye.

–

It started with tefillin. Really the dream probably only even occurred to her because her mom had called Aunt Abigail and Aunt Abigail had put Issac on the phone and then her mom told Caroline to say hi and go through the pleasantries of asking basic questions about the life of someone Caroline's known since before she started forming memories.

Caroline went to Hebrew school but never had a Bat Mitzvah. She learned the Hebrew alphabet and the Torah stories and then when she was 10 she stopped going. It was a half hour each way and with her dad moving out her mom “Just didn’t have the time” for something Caroline didn’t even like all that much so something that she had been doing since she was five fell to the wayside. 

Caroline had not been particularly bothered by that. She likes the stories well enough but had not been looking forward to the amount of memorization that would come with her torah portion. 

The sun streaming in through the window, car doing 70 going to the only Hebrew school within feasible distance to Mystic Falls. The sun warmed seats made her sleepy, beckoning her to the warmth behind her eyes.

Caroline remembers when she and her mom used to visit her religious aunt. Aunt Abigail was a historian, she specified in the ways women had been making equality strides and how that had slowed in the 30’s to the 50’s. In what her mom said started as a joke but then grew into a personality trait, Abigail started wearing 50’s clothes while she was writing her thesis and then never stopped. She had the very best clothes to play dress up with. She had property on the plains far away. The land was so flat that sometimes she could see the curve of the earth on the horizon.

Caroline and her mom would go to Kansas for Aunt Abigail. Always just her and her mom, Caroline's dad never have gotten along well enough with Aunt Abigail to bother making the trip. Aunt Abigail had one son, Issac and a daughter Jess. Issac was a year younger than Caroline but acted like he knew everything there was to know about life because he was taller. As if your brain was bigger the lankier your arms were. 

Caroline's mom had quit smoking when she got married but Aunt Abigail never had. Issac would take a cigarette from either his sister or mom’s purses and he and Caroline would smoke it before they could be caught.

Issac had taken a pull from the cigarette before passing it to Caroline, “And there’s these wrappings, Tefillin, that they wear every day. It's supposed to be a sign of dedication and like,” Issac took the cigarette back from Caroline, inhaled and blew smoke out of his nose. “I dunno. Commitment to god or whatever.”

–

After drinking from Klaus, Caroline got a taste for warm blood. To be honest she probably got the taste for it when she was eleven years old and bit through her lip for the first time. She swallowed the blood down as the red of it coated her teeth and covered her tongue in iron. There might actually be a picture of her at age eleven fresh from four stitches to the lip with blood pooled at the side of her mouth.

–

Caroline is wrapping a band of leather around hands that are hers but do not look the way her hands do. She wraps and rewraps and tries to think of a prayer other than the mourner's kaddish. She wraps the tefillin too tight and knows she is committing to something but doesn’t think it’s god. As Caroline unwraps the tefillin she sees blood begin to reveal itself, it pools in her palms and when she brings it to her lips it does not taste like her own.

When she wakes with the remembered taste of Klaus's blood on her lips she is decided. It happens sometime during the insane week between her birthday and her dad dying. She drives to Richmond because the best place to be ignored is where there's a lot of people. She goes to the outskirts of the city, to where there's a lot of people but the buildings have more alleyways. She wanders around the streets, people watching, trying to figure out how to get started. She remembers the feeling of drinking blood from the carnival worker she killed and the time with Matt. It's heady and delicious and she needs to figure out how to stop before she begins. She wishes her friends were here with her. That they trusted her. She wishes she trusted them. 

In the end she settles on a park. She finds an out of the way bench, checking for cameras before she sits, and waits. A jogger passes by after a while. Caroline vamp speeds to be in front of the jogger. It's a woman, shorter than her but taller than Elena. 

“Follow me and be quiet” She compels the woman “You’re ok.” She adds. The two of them go into the trees of the park a bit. She looks the woman in the eyes and says “This won’t hurt at all.” and she puts all of her compulsion power into making it true. 

Then when the woman is glossy eyed and doesn't flinch when pinched Caroline decides she will drink from the arm. Less danger of anything going too wrong then. She takes out her pocket knife and makes a small cut on inner elbow. The blood wells up and Caroline feels her face do the veiny thing. She drinks. She drinks and drinks and then. She stops. She could drink more but she can tell that the woman is getting weaker. She removes her mouth from the jogger's arm and inhales deeply the semi fresh air of a city park.

When Caroline has recomposed herself she looks back at the woman. “You won’t remember this, you will go back home and eat a hearty iron filled meal.” At the last minute she adds. “You will have a good nights sleep.”

Chapter Text

There is a chain buried in her chest. It is tied in a square knot across her heart. The chain exits her chest and it is a long chain, sprawling across the road. Burying her in it. But it is moving. It is attached to a man and he is going so far away. And this chain they have attached will never keep them close enough. It is a puncture to her love for him. This chain is a nagging resentment. It will fester and that is only if its long leash of its closeness does not kill her first.

Caroline wakes tired. She gets out of bed and goes through her morning routine. Almost able to forget that her dad is dead. Well not able to forget that he’s dead, that aches like an open wound she’s digging her fingers into. But the fact that he could have stayed, could have been a vampire and could have stayed, not to watch her grow up because she never will, but mature maybe? The point is she will change and grow and her dad chose not to be there to see it happen. 

But her mom always told her not to speak ill of the dead. So she lets it fade to the back of her mind. Lets herself imagine that his death was inevitable. That, of course he died because there was no way for him to live. She knows it's not true but in order to avoid crying as she brushes her teeth she lets it be for just a little while.

She eats breakfast. She does not cry. She checks her phone and sees a voicemail from Tyler.

Caroline, it's Tyler. I know I should have called sooner, I just kinda freaked out and left. But I heard about your dad and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Caroline. I'm out doing what he said. I'm gonna fix myself and come home to you. I love you.  

She gets it. But she isn’t sure she wants to be the reason Tyler fixes himself. Caroline knows that her dad was the one stupid enough to put himself in a room with a werewolf but Tyler's still the one who put him in the hospital. And it isn’t fair to think. But maybe if he hadn’t been in the hospital he wouldn’t have died. 

The doorbell rings. No one's there when she answers but there is a box on the porch. She takes the box up to her room to open. Inside is one of the most gorgeous dresses she’s ever seen and an invitation to the Mikealson ball. Save me a dance, Klaus , it says on the back. She scoffs out “Seriously?” even while she continues admiring the dress.

Caroline isn’t sure how long she would have spent staring at the dress because soon enough she gets a call from Elena asking to meet at the grill. She puts the cover back on the box, grabbing her keys as she walks by the dresser.

Elena heads right into her explanation as soon as she sits down, starting with Rebekah, attacking her before Elijah showed up and saved her and ending with the fact that the coffins that Stefan's been holding over Klaus's head, are now in play as a supposedly a united front. Except not all hope is lost! Hurrah! The mom is looking for a chance to talk to Elena alone, perhaps even to plot against her children. Where might that be happening one may ask? At the fucking ball.

“It's some twisted Cinderella fetish is what it is.” Caroline says, stealing a french fry from Elena’s plate. “And why does the Evil Witch want an audience with you?”

Elena leans over the table, pitches her voice low, “I have no idea. There's only one way to find out.”

“I thought you told Damon and Stefan that you weren't going.” Caroline's statement lilts up like a question.

“I did, which is all the more reason why I need a drama free bodyguard.”

“Well, I think a Salvatore would look a lot better in a tux. And by that I mean Stefan.” Caroline taps the table in exclamation. 

“Uhh, I can't deal with either of the Salvatores right now. Whatever Stefan is feeling, he is channeling it all against Klaus. And Damon...it's just not a good idea.”

“Why, cause you two made out?” Caroline carefully shows only a portion of how much she hates that. “Bonnie spilled the beans.” 

“I was gonna tell you. Just, after everything happened with your dad…”

Caroline ignores the mention of her dad. “Elena, when you and Matt kissed for the first time freshman year, you called me the second it happened. And now I don't hear about this til now, and from somebody else.” She can feel the distance that has festered in between Elena’s teeth. She knows that they will be forever linked by knowledge but Caroline isn’t sure if that’s enough anymore.

“I'm sorry. It's just I, I don't even know how I feel about it yet. All I do know is that it just used to be so much easier.” Elena’s right about that at least.

Caroline is about to respond when Rebekah walks up, “Careful Caroline. It's all well and good until she stabs you in the back.”

“What are you doing here?” Elena asks, not denying it, “I know your mom's rules. No hurting the locals.”

“Get over yourself Elena. It's not all about you.” Rebekah shoots back

Caroline watches in a vaguely insane state as Rebekah asks Matt to be her date to the ball. She needs to talk to Rebekah but can’t think of a conversational route to take her where she wants.

Caroline leans back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest, “What time is this stupid dance?”

Elena smiles. 

Caroline never finds a natural point in the conversation to say, And seriously? Damon? Of all people? He’s terrible. He has always been terrible. Don’t you remember Andie? Me?

So maybe there is a distance festering in her teeth too.  

–

Caroline really does think about wearing literally any other dress. It’s just that no other dress has the color and beauty of the one Klaus gave her, at least none that are in her closet. Caroline tries on two other dresses before giving into the dress's siren call. She and Elena get to the ball separately, Elena before Caroline so by the time Caroline sees her she has a Salvatore on each arm. Caroline goes over long enough to say hi and get relieved of her bodyguard duties by Stefan and Damon who make it insultingly clear they don’t think she’s up to the task.

As she walks away from that fiasco her eyes find Klaus because he’s got a magnetic threat aura that makes him impossible, and stupid, to ignore. Klaus begins walking toward her which she expected but is not prepared for.

“Good evening.” He says.

“I need a drink.” She says. Caroline is semi surprised that Klaus doesn’t follow her but she can feel his gaze occasionally landing on her. Caroline spends her time chatting amiably with the other ball guests, recognizing the Fell girls and talking with them about classes and cheer and other facts of their existances. She talks with the girls until the dancing begins.

She’s lined up to dance with Klaus for the first set.

“I'm glad you came.” Klaus tells her as they waltz.

“Well, it was either caviar or sympathy casseroles.” 

“I heard about your father.” He says. He does not seem ingenuine but she could not care less about a platitude from him.

“Don't. Seriously.”

“Very well. On to more mannered subjects then, like how ravishing you look in that dress.”

Caroline scoffs lightly, “I didn't really have time to shop.”

“And the bracelet I gave you, what's your excuse for wearing that?” Caroline narrows her eyes at him. “You know, you're quite the dancer.”

“Well, I've had training. I happen to be Miss Mystic Falls.”

“I know.” Klaus says. 

Caroline doesn’t know what to do with that. “That’s not creepy at all.”

“Well I had to do my research on all the major variables in the doppelganger's life.”

“Awesome.” Caroline says tersely.

Klaus pivots the conversation, “Is your hair naturally curly?”

“Why do you want to know? Gonna add it to a spreadsheet of variables?”

Klaus actually laughs. Like that's a thing evil villains sent to ruin Elena’s life, and by association hers, are supposed to do. “I am not the one who keeps track of the spreadsheets but I am sure there are a multitude.”

“Too good to do data analysis yourself?”

“Simply not my specialty.”

“Oh cause your more the killing and torture specialty”

“Well come now love, that's a family specialty, not just mine.”

Caroline rolls her eyes and huffs. Klaus probably would have said something more but the dance partners switch and then she fends off a question from Matt about dancing with Klaus before they fall into comfortable conversation. 

The dancing ends. Caroline wanders around Klaus’s mansion making small talk with whoever stops her to tell her they are just so sorry about her dad. Like these aren't the same people who were so happy to see him leave in the first place. Whatever. She’s not bitter. It is on the whole a nice night. She has a few good conversations and the food is delicious.

Eventually Caroline makes her way outside. She wanders down the stairs and is immediately distracted by the fact that Klaus is the kind of rich where he can just have horses. So of course she goes over. To investigate the horse and maybe ask what its name is in a talking to animals high pitched voice. 

When Caroline hears footsteps she rolls her eyes and does not turn around.

“You like horses?” Klaus asks.

“I'm not talking to you until you tell me why you invited me here.” Caroline says as Klaus walks past her. Closer to the horse than she is.

“I fancy you. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yes!” Caroline says.

“Why? You're beautiful, yo- you're strong, you're full of light. I enjoy you.”

“Well I'm spoken for. By Tyler.”

“But I thought you two ended things.”

“Yeah, because of you and your freaky sire bond with him.”

“So you aren't spoken for.”

Caroline doesn't say anything. Doesn’t want to admit he’s right on anything.

“You know, horses are the opposite of people. They're loyal. My father hunted me for a thousand years and the closest he ever came was the day he killed my favorite horse. He severed its neck with a sword as a warning.”

“Did you ever consider sitting down with your father and talking it out?”

“Well, I'm afraid my relationship with my father was a little bit more complex than yours.”

“Maybe so. But I let my father go with no regrets. And to answer your question, yes, I like horses. But I also like people and they actually like me so I'll be inside.”

Caroline walks away. She goes inside, talks with one of the cheer girls who is here. She briefly sees Elena but she starts talking to the Mikealson that Caroline thinks is Elijah. Champagne gets passed out and there is a speech by the evil witch hosting this ball. Though if Elena got good news on the killing Klaus thing maybe she’s not evil. Caroline isn't sure how she feels about changing the classification of someone's goodness based on the fact that they want to commit murder but in their favor. 

Later after the buffet style dinner is over Klaus asks If she would like to accompany him to his study. She says yes. She feels insane for saying yes. Feels like Elena or Matt is going to come and ask her what the hell she is doing with Klaus Mikealson. But she said yes so she walks out of the ballroom with him to his study.

“ So what did you want to show me?” Caroline asks Klaus, following him deeper into the room. She sees that it is covered in paintings. Every wall that is not a window has some kind of work. The area he leads her too is a wall with a desk pushed up against it. 

“ One of my passions.” Klaus says, looking at a Monet above the desk.

“ Oh. Impressive. I take it the curators at the Louvre aren't on vervain.”

Klaus chuckles. “Yeah, well that's their mistake.”

“What about these?” Caroline gestures vaguely with the hand wearing Klaus’s bracelet. “Where'd you steal this from?”

“Well, that's a long story. But rest assured it was worn by a princess almost as beautiful as you.”

Caroline rolls her eyes only a little overdramatically. It's a dumb line for all that it could be true and it would be cooler to know the actual origin of the bracelet. Caroline looks down at the sketches on the desk.

“Wait a second. Did-did you do these?”

“Yeah, um...actually one of my landscapes is hanging at the Hermitage, not that anyone would notice. Have you been?” And thats fucking insane. He said it almost like he was embarrassed of it which makes her think it's true. Caroline wonders how the painting made it there.

“I've never really been anywhere.”

“I'll take you.” Caroline scoffs “Wherever you want Rome. Paris. Tokyo?”

“Oh wow!” She laughs

They both laugh. He's so normal to talk to is the thing. Klaus is a thousand years of life and power and, “Must be really nice to just snap your fingers and get whatever you want. Is that why you collect hybrids? A little servant army to take you places and bring you things.”  Caroline is saying before she knows it. 

“You're making assumptions.”

“Then why do you need Tyler? Stop controlling him. Give him his life back.”

“You know, this has been a fun evening, but I think it's time for you to leave.”

“I get it. Your father didn't love you, so you assume that no one else will either. And that's why you compel people or you sire them or you try to buy them off.” Caroline takes her bracelet off and throws it down. “But that's not how it works. You don't connect with people, because you don't even try to understand them.” Caroline leaves.

The rest of the night falls apart in similar fashion. Kol crushes Matt's hand, Damon pushes Kol off a balcony. Mystic Falls normal. 

When Caroline gets home there’s what looks to be another jewelry box on her bed. She says looks to be because when she opens it inside is a rolled up piece of paper. The paper says Thank you for your honesty. On it is a drawing of her and the horse from earlier.

Caroline hangs up the beautiful blue dress in the back of her closet and leaves the drawing on her desk.

That night she dreams of a headless horserider. He has lost his mind. And his horse has too.

Chapter Text

Caroline goes over to Elena’s house early the next morning. But before she leaves the house, after breakfast Caroline stares down her phone for 10 minutes trying to formulate a response to Tyler's voicemail. She decides to do it later.

Elena tells her and Bonnie explaining the generals of a privacy spell she saw Esther do last night. They send Caroline outside and have her listen to what she can hear. Which is everything Elena is telling Bonnie about running into Rebekah at the Salvatores.

“He was gloating.” Elena says. “Like actual gloat. Like he was proud of himself for sleeping with her. Is it working?”

Caroline opens the door, “It's not working. I can hear every word you're saying about Damon, the vampire gigolo.”

“I don't know,” Bonnie tells them. “It's a tricky spell.” She gestures to the partially burnt sage on the plate in front of her.

“When Esther did it,” Elena begins, “she kept the sage burning. There was a lot more smoke.”

“Alright.” Bonnie relights the sage. “Try it again.”

They look to Caroline, waiting for her to leave the room. She scoffs and closes the door behind her. Caroline leans against the wall. There's a fuzzy sort of quality to their words but Caroline can still hear them.

“Speaking of Esther, you should know that she came to see me and Abby this morning.” Bonnie says.

“And all this time you let me vent about Damon?” Elena says. Caroline wished she would shut up about Damon more often but whatever. 

“I don't want you to worry.”

“Okay, well, what did she want?”

“She wanted to introduce herself. Abby and I helped bring her back. She's channeling our entire ancestral bloodline for power. I think she thought she was being polite.”

“Okay, well, is there a way to stop her from channeling you?”

“Even if there was, why would I want that?”

“I just keep thinking....Before the sun and the moon ritual, Elijah found a way to keep me alive. And now I'm in exactly the same position and I'm just gonna let him die? It just doesn't feel right.”

Caroline feels like she’s given it enough time to work and also she has things to say. She opens the door, stands with her weight on one leg and a hand on her hip.

“Okay. First of all, this privacy spell is totally not working. Second. Elena, you are not doing this, Esther is doing this. Third, so rude of her not to invite you to the ball for introductions. I guess it isn’t wise to introduce your weapon.” Elena gives her a look like she’s crazy but that’s what they were on the playing board.

Bonnie gives Caroline a halfhearted glare for the comment before turning, “There's no time to change your mind, Elena. He'll be dead by the end of the night.”

“What?”

“It's a full moon. Esther needs to harness the energy of a celestial event. She asked me and Abby to join her.”

“Do you think its gonna be ok?” Elena asks.

“I think Klaus will be dead. And you will be safe.” Caroline hesitates before adding. “Maybe our lives will finally get back to normal.” 

Elena tenses her jaw. Nods, “We should try the spell again.” 

As it seems like that’s the best they’re gonna get, they try the spell again. Bonnie gets it on the fourth try. 

–

Caroline’s staring at her phone again. Still trying to figure out something to say to Tyler. She has to say something but isn’t sure what. She doesn’t want to hurt him and she doesn’t want Klaus to control him. But she doesn’t think she wants to be with him. And that's going to hurt him. Which is the opposite of what she wants especially while he’s run. 

But he brought her dad into her house. 

Her dad who Tyler had to carry Caroline away from after he had tortured her. She wasn’t ready to talk to her dad. And then Tyler almost killed her dad. She kind of is going insane trying to figure out how Tyler thinks they’re together. Because in her book a drunk makeout in the woods where she almost dies from his bite does not qualify as getting back together.

Caroline is still thinking of the best way to remind Tyler they broke up when her phone rings. It’s Damon. who only ever calls when he wants something, which is how she likes it.

“What.” Caroline says.

“Elena’s been taken.”

Caroline sighs heavily, worried but tired, holding her phone to her ear with her shoulder she gets some blood from the fridge. “What do you want me to do?”

Damon explains his stupid plan, which is how Caroline finds herself at the Grill listening to Klaus and his brother Kol talk about her at the Grill.

“I remember her from last night. She looks like a tasty little thing.” Kol says as Caroline walks toward the bar

“Say another word and I'll tear out your liver.” Klaus says, which Caroline isn’t sure if she likes but she sorta appreciates only having to be hit on by one Original tonight. “Caroline!” Klaus calls out as she walks past him.

“Oh, it's you.” Caroline drops her weight onto her back leg, crosses her arms over her chest.

“Join us for a drink?”

"Mmm, I'd rather die of thirst.” Caroline turns, walking away. “But thanks.”

“Isn't she stunning?” Klaus says to Kol.

“She certainly looks good walking away from you.” Kol responds.

And then the door to the Grill closes behind her and she can’t differentiate their conversation from the general noise of the Grill. Caroline doesn’t hear the door open for three long seconds but she doesn’t stop walking. The bell rings as the door opens and closes. A car honks and she hears Klaus’s footsteps stumble. 

“Caroline!” Klaus’s voice calls out.

Caroline stops, turns to face him. “Are you serious?” She says. “Take a hint.”

Caroline turns, walking away from Klaus. He follows.

“Don't be angry, love. We had a little spat. I'm over it already.” His tone is amenable, approachable, so different from the idea of the big bad wolf haunting Elena.

Caroline tilts her head, “Oh, well, I'm not.”

“How can I acquit myself?” 

Caroline stops and pivots on a heel to face Klaus. “You and your expensive jewelry and your romantic drawings can leave me alone.” Her tone was more genuine than she was planning on letting it get.

“Oh, come on,” He says, “take a chance, Caroline. Talk to me.” His tone goading as he sits down on the bench next to him. “Come on, get to know me. I dare you.” He stares up at her and she looks back, away then back.

Caroline realizes her expression is betraying her in a sort of blank but leaning towards smiling way. To make up for it she makes her tone curt.

“Fine.” Caroline sits next to him on the bench but not close together. Feeling like she has no better question she asks, “So, what do you wanna talk about?”

“I want to talk about you.” Klaus’ tone is so serious she scoffs out half a laugh. They look away from each other then back. “Your hopes, your dreams, everything you want in life.”

Caroline laughs, “Just to be clear, I'm too smart to be seduced by you.”

“Well, that's why I like you.”

Caroline rolls her eyes. “I used to want to be a broadcast journalist, can’t really do that now.”

Klaus tilts his head, his entire face showing he’s listening.

“I’m not sure what I want to do now that it’s out of the running.”

“You have an eternity to figure it out. Anything you're leaning towards?”

“I’m good at event planning. I’ve done some front of house theater stuff but never any behind the scenes planning which I might like.” Caroline laughs. “Who knows, might even accomplish the childhood dream of being an astronaut.”

“One small step for a vampire, one giant leap for vampire kind.”

Caroline laughs. “What about you, I know the career choices must have been lacking but what did you want to be when viking career day rolled around?"

Instead of answering Klaus gets up and puts his hand on his heart. He looks at Caroline.

“What is it?” She asks.

“What did you do?

“Nothing.”

Klaus grabs Caroline forcefully, but not bruising. “What did you do?!”

“I didn't do anything. Stop it!” Caroline is breathing heavy sure that this is when she dies. But he lets her go.

“Kol!” Klaus yells. And then he turns and vamp speeds away. Caroline stands there panting for a half minute before she runs to her car and peels out of her parking spot as fast as she can, desperate to get home. She doesn’t think he will kill her at this point. Klaus still seems dedicated to getting her to like him, if he was going to kill her he would have done it. That is little comfort to her pounding heart.

Caroline’s home burying her shame in a pint of ice cream when Bonnie calls. She pauses her movie to pick up. She answers and immediately knows something is wrong. Bonnie is breathing heavily with big hitches like she’s swallowing around a golf ball.

“Bonnie?”

“Caroline,” Bonnie sobs. “She’s, they-”

Caroline affects a soothing tone. “Hey, hey, ok just, where are you tell me where you are and I’ll go get you.”

“No!” Bonnie yells. Caroline waits for Bonnie to get some semblance of her breath back. “I’ll come to you, can I come to you?”

“Bonnie I want to help but you need to tell me what's going on.”

Bonnie exhales in a counting your breath kind of way and Caroline waits. “Damon killed Abby. She’s in transition.”

Caroline inhales sharply. “Fuck. Ok. come to my house Abby should be able to get inside without my mom having to invite her in.” She doesn’t want to ask but she needs to know, “Do you know what she’s planning on doing?”

Bonnie lets out a keening cry. “I don’t, I don’t know.”

Chapter Text

They end up going to Bonnie’s moms house after Caroline sends Elena away from her door. Elena is desperate to help to be forgiven for something she did not do. But it’s not idle. Elena is the object of Damon’s affection and as such has come out relatively unscathed in the ever continuing magic Mystic Falls drama. 

And the super duper awkward part is that after a point Caroline can’t justify leaving Abby alone. She can’t foist Abby off onto a vampire friend of her own because all Abby's friends are humans or witches which infinitely complicates things for everyone which is awesome. 

Caroline spends the first day watching Abby like a hawk as she interacts with Bonnie. Caroline knows that Bonnie can take care of herself but she wants to protect her. Sucks that she has to protect Bonnie from her own mom though.

After Abby decides she’s gonna become a vampire Caroline coaches her through controlling her bloodlust.

It’s kinda funny in a way because it’s sorta derived from what made her own control so good (fear, guilt of killing that man, being tortured by her dad) while removing all the stuff that made it stick (the guilt and torture) so it’s mostly unproductive excepting in incremental measurements.

So Caroline as the vampire who sucks the least gets to coach the newly dead ex-witch through being a vampire.

Then Abby is suddenly and thoroughly not Caroline's problem.

She leaves. Again. This, of course, devastates Bonnie. 

Two days after Bonnie's mom left Caroline and Bonnie are curled up on the couch watching Jennifer's Body. It’s just after Jennifer gets killed for the first time that Bonnie starts crying silently. Caroline says nothing, just rubs her hand up and down Bonnie's shoulder. 

Caroline gets it. For the half day that existed where Abby had drunk blood but not left yet Caroline had been deeply uncomfortable, mostly stemming from the jealousy that Bonnie's mom cared enough to become a vampire. Then she left. Which is in a way worse than dying because it was again. She left Bonnie again.

Caroline leans her head on Bonnie's shoulder. There’s nothing to say. They’ve gone done the conversation thing and all it did was interfere with the crying. She’s going to do it again anyways.

“Did I tell you I’m still having the dreams?” Caroline knows she has not. 

Bonnie wipes at her eyes with her sweatshirt sleeve. “The weird ones?”

“Yeah, I think Rebekah might have something to do with it.” But that’s not quite right. Rebekah is in the dreams but she is passive. She is never the person she inhabits the skin of. 

“What do you mean?”

“I saw her. In one of my dreams, before I met her.”

Bonnie pauses Jennifer's Body, “Do you think she knows something”

“I don't think Rebekah knows a thing. She doesn't like me. She's threatened me before and if she knew she would have used it.”

“Maybe. We can’t know for sure.”

Caroline doesn’t respond for a minute, considering. “What if we could?”

“What do you mean”

“It’s just that, the dreams feel like they come from outside myself. Like there's something in my head. Maybe you could check.”

“Like rifle around in your brain? Are you sure?”

Caroline isn’t sure. After Damon the idea of letting anyone, even Bonnie, into her head is paralyzing. But there is something wrong. There is something already in her head and she thinks she wants it out. 

“Yes.” 

They decide to do the spell tomorrow, this way they have the rest of the day to prepare and cry and finish watching Jennifer’s Body.

–

There is blood on her cheeks. She has gouged her eyes out because even closing them will not vanquish the things that might not be real. He has clawed her heart out of his chest and all it does is grow back. 

Bestill my beating heart but it's best to remove it entirely. There are splinters in his skin and lead in her veins. Her gasping gurgling breaths can not drown out the voices, the knowledge that within his secrets lies his downfall. 

Slowly a new sensation overtakes him. There is a wet cloth on her forehead. He opens eyes that do not expect to see. It’s not a shock when she sees Elijah in front of him.

–

Caroline is sitting crisscrossed on Bonnie's bed as Bonnie paces around her room. Bonnie has a tome in her hands and is muttering the spell but without any magic behind it.

“It’ll be fine Bon, I trust you.” Caroline tries to reassure her.

Bonnie whips her head around and glares. “You can trust me when I get the pronunciation down. Until then hush.”

Caroline mimes zipping her lips and throwing away the key. It’s not that Caroline doesn’t appreciate the thought and care that Bonnie is putting into this, it’s just that the both have them have already read over the spell a bunch last night when they got too antsy to keep watching movies. 

Bonnie makes her wait another twenty minutes as she double and triple checks the spell. 

“Ok I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Alright, My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts and whatnot”

Bonnie looks at her without recognition. Caroline huffs, “Star Trek.” Bonnie rolls her eyes.

“Why don’t you lay back and I’ll start the spell.” Caroline nods and lies across the bed so that her head is right in front of Bonnie.

Bonnie puts her hands over Caroline's eyes and begins chanting in a probably dead language. She feels her eyes getting heavy. Caroline blinks and she is no longer lying on Bonnie’s bed but standing in her room, her hand is in Bonnie's and nothing is in focus. 

Caroline looks at Bonnie and flinches. Bonnie is translucent, ghostly but her hand is warm in Caroline's own. She will not let go. “You look like a ghost.” She says.

Bonnie's voice echoes from all around her. “It’s because I’m not really there. I can’t see what you're seeing, just the impression of your feelings.” That makes Caroline feel better about the privacy of her mind. She decides to try not to feel too much.

Caroline starts down a hallway that isn’t there in her actual room. The projection of Bonnie follows her. 

“Do I need to keep hold of your hand?

“No, I'm connected to you in the magical level, me and the hand you are holding are just how your brain is interpreting the magic connecting us in a visual sense”

“Ok.” Caroline doesn’t let go of Bonnie's hand.

The hallway leads to a fight between her parents that she overheard when she was ten. Her parents are giant figures towering over her. She realizes the door she came in through is gone, replaced by a crack in the siding. 

Caroline decides on the stairs, walks toward them and realizes the steps are massive. The whole room is. Caroline figures if she’s just seeing magic she should be able to change what she’s seeing. 

With an immense amount of focus Caroline stares at the stairs, willing them into being smaller. She thinks they shrink a bit but it’s hard to tell. She decides to try something else.

Caroline reaches into her purse which she knows she didn’t have before but now she does. It makes sense, she does not feel confused and will not waste time on that wriggling sense of irregularity. Caroline finds her lipstick in the sewn down right side pocket of the purse.

With effort not to ruin the lipstick entirely Caroline draws a rectangle on the ground. She adds a circle as a doorknob. She recaps the lipstick and returns it to her purse. Which is no longer on her arm after a blink. 

Caroline stares at the trapdoor she has made. She steps on top of it, nothing happens. She jumps, and the trapdoor shatters like glass.

Caroline tumbles to the ground of another room. 

“Caroline? Are you okay? You got scared.” Caroline winces slightly at the echoing force of Bonnie's voice.

“Yea I’m fine. Think I might have found what we were looking for though.”

“What does it look like?”

“A massive tree. The tree is on fire and makes all the sounds that a tree on fire should make but it isn’t charring.”

Caroline walks a circle around the tree, finding that the fire is cold. She can sort of make out a knot in the tree, but the knot is also is a branch is also a perfect perch for a birds nest is also a hole. It is a hole plastered over with tissue paper. And she knows. Whatever she is looking for is in there.

Caroline reaches out, the fire freezing to the touch. Caroline pushes past the tissue paper and into the tree. Her hand clasps around something small. She pulls out her hand, which remains on fire. In her hand is a carving of a knight on a horse.

And then she realizes the cold fire is spreading up her arm. The knight and the horse are melting into her skin and the fire is at her shoulder, spreading up her neck.  

“Caroline,” Bonnie’s voice is panicky now, “What did you do? Somethings changed, or not changed but spiked, ”

Caroline can’t focus past that but she knows Bonnie is still talking. The fire has reached her eyes and Caroline can see everything.

She knows now what the tree is. It’s her vampirism. The white oak tree is on fire but forever not burning. The tree is more than just her vampirism, it’s a connection, it’s time, it’s the predator animal that lives inside her and keeps her safe. The fire is in her eyes but she can see the magic. 

This was always going to happen. She touched vampiric time and of course she did. She already had. She sees the dreams behind her eyes and oh. Of course. 

Caroline sits up with a gasp. Shocked to be able to see. She's back in Bonnie's room.

“Caroline?” Bonnie asks with a bit of fear in her voice.

Caroline turns around to face Bonnie, “Hey Bon, it’s ok nothing's wrong.”

“You don’t know that.” Bonnie accuses. 

“Yeah I do actually.” She holds up a hand asking Bonnie to wait. “Nothings actually that different, I just know what's going on now.”

“Well, don’t keep a girl in suspense!”

“I touched the vampire spell.”

“What!”

“I didn’t realize it was the vampire spell, I just thought it was another part of my brain?” Caroline's talking with her hands now but she can’t help herself. “And I had to. I was always going to and I already had. And it connected me to a carving which was also representational of a thing lost or something? But I put my hand in the spell and I caught fire. The fire consumed me and linked me.”

“Linked you? To what?”

Caroline hesitates. “To Klaus.”

“KLAUS?” Bonnie stands up and begins to pace. “Fuck, oh fuck Care I’m so sorry, I never should have agreed to this.”

“Bonnie hey hey,  it’s not your fault. It had already happened, it is caused by itself. And it echoes.”

“Echoes?”

“The reason I was having the dreams was because the vampire spell is so closely linked to time, my actions now reverberated back into the moment I became a vampire. I’ve been getting the dreams since I died. I was always going to. This way I know about it at least.”

“How are you so okay with this?”

Caroline shrugs. “I don’t know? It just makes sense. It’s not new.”

“So now what, you go ride off into the sunset with Klaus and your freaky mind meld?”

“I mean. No? I’ll see where it goes. I don’t know.”

Bonnie stares at her for a long moment before she flops facedown onto her bed. Caroline lays down next to her. 

“It’ll be ok.”

“I’m running tests.” Bonnie's muffled voice tells her. “If I had wires I could attach to your skull or whatever I would.”

“Love you too Bon.”