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“So, tell me about the hot pilot?”
Buck smiles and ducks his head. He looks bashful. It suits him.
“Well, he’s-” Buck pauses, grins down at his coffee, fiddles with the lid.
“He’s...?” Maddie prods.
Buck laughs and looks back up at her. “He’s, uh, he’s kinda hunky.”
She can’t help it – she jumps a little in delight.
“Oh my god, Evan ,” she says, then rounds the counter. Coffee in one hand, her brother’s arm in the other, she drags him over to the couch and pulls him down with her as she sits. “Okay, start from the beginning, and tell me everything.”
He starts with meeting Tommy at the air ops hangar – he rubs the back of his neck as he says and I thought, you know, all the butterflies were about the mission – and dots around the cruise ship rescue. Selfishly, Maddie’s glad that he doesn’t linger on it. It still makes her queasy, thinking about how easily it all could have gone wrong.
As Buck tells her about getting a tour, about going overboard at the basketball game, about how Tommy came by to clear the air, the pink in his cheeks deepens and deepens. He’s so- smitten , Maddie thinks is the right word, here, and it’s just sweet, getting to see him like this.
“And then he, he kissed me, and he was just so smooth about it, and it was like-” Buck pauses, looks down. He rubs his hands down his thighs. “It was like, someone opened the curtains, and- and let the sun in. You know?”
Maddie doesn’t know, not exactly, but she thinks she understands. “Oh, Buck,” she says, resting her hand on his upper arm.
“It’s like...” He looks back up at her. “It’s not just that I’m, you know-”
“More than an ally?” she teases. Buck laughs and shoves at her, dislodging her hand.
“Yeah, you know, it’s not just that he’s opened my eyes to this part of myself, or whatever, but Tommy’s just...” He sighs and ducks his head down again, looks up at her through his lashes. “There’s something about him, Maddie.”
Maddie thinks about Howie. How safe he makes her feel. How known she feels by him; how just being by his side makes the rest of the world make sense. This feeling, that Evan’s expressing to her now – this one she knows.
“And it doesn’t hurt that he’s got biceps as big as my head,” he continues, grinning.
“Now that is impressive, considering how big your head is.”
“Hey!” Laughing, Buck shoves at her again, and Maddie shoves him back. They slap at each other’s hands, giggling, Buck’s blush hardly receding – like the grins on both their faces.
“Okay, so, build me a picture here. He’s hot, he’s hunky- ” Maddie dodges out of Buck’s reach and continues, “he has a cleft, he’s got huge biceps...” Buck plays dirty and digs his fingers into her ticklish spots and she scoots back on the couch, laughing.
“For your information,” he says, playing at haughty, which doesn’t work so well with his cheeks still flushed pink, “the cleft can’t be overemphasized, I mean when he’s got a five o’clock shadow...”
“Ooh, you’ve got a thing for the Superman type, huh?” Maddie says. She laughs in delight when Buck looks away, embarrassed.
He leans over to grab his coffee from the side table. As he takes a sip, Maddie takes him in – his smile, the pink on his cheeks, the happiness in the upturn of his eyes – and she can’t believe how light he looks. Or – unburdened, maybe. Like he’s been carrying a weight, all this time, and it’s only noticeable now in its absence. He sets his coffee back down, and something occurs to her.
“So, um,” she starts, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “do you want me to tell Howie? About – everything?”
“Actually, uh...” Buck rubs his palms together as he hesitates. “Would it- would you be okay holding off, maybe? I just, I wanna talk to Eddie first, and it’s-”
Maddie rests her hand on his forearm and he stops, looks at her. “Got it,” she says. “I just want to follow your lead, Buck.” He smiles gratefully, and the moment holds until he checks his watch and sighs.
“I should get going,” Buck says. Maddie follows him as he stands, grabbing his coffee off the table. “Seriously – thank you, Maddie. I- just, thank you.”
“Anytime,” Maddie says. She hooks her arm in his as they make their way to the front door.
At the door, Maddie pulls Evan close and folds herself around him in a hug. He leans down to rest his head on her shoulder – and for just one more moment, he's that little boy she swore to herself that she would always keep safe. She rests a hand on the back of his head.
“I’m so happy for you, Evan,” she says
“Thanks, Maddie.” Buck hugs her back, his hand big and warm spanning her back. A reminder that he isn’t that little boy anymore. He laughs, quietly, self-deprecating, and he says, “Don’t get too happy though, he uh, he did still leave me standing on the curb.”
Maddie pulls back. She puts her hands on his shoulders and makes sure he’s looking her in the eye. “You’ll figure this out. Don’t-” She chases his gaze when he looks away. “Don’t do that, you will. Whatever it is you need to do, you’ll figure it out, and you’ll do it, because you’re my little brother, and I didn’t teach that guy to give up when it’s hard.”
Buck smiles and rolls his eyes at her, and Maddie smiles back. Mission accomplished.
She watches him from the door – he folds himself into the Jeep and gives her a little wave, which she returns, before backing out of the driveway and rolling down the street. Not a moment later, Howie’s pulling in. Maddie stays in the open doorway as he jogs up the front walk.
“Hey, was that Buck I just passed?” he asks, kissing her hello.
“Mhm, he brought coffee.” They walk into the house together and Maddie closes the door behind them. “So this pilot, Tommy, you’ve been friends for a long time, right?”
“Yeah, we used to work together, why, what’s up?” Chimney pauses in the hall and wraps an arm around her waist when she catches up to him.
“I was just thinking,” she says, pressing closer into his side to dodge a credenza, “it might be nice to have him over for dinner sometime. I’d like to thank him for keeping my future husband and my brother safe.” She places her hand between Howie’s shoulder blades and savours the warmth of him – under her hand, from his arm along her back, from his side where he’s still pressed close against her.
It’s not like today has been, top-to-bottom, the best day of her life. But Maddie still wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Her husband is in a hospital bed, but he’s alive and he’s her husband; and in her eyes, which have shimmered with tears on and off for the past hour, he’s perfect. The bags under his eyes, how small he looks under his suit jacket, the sweat in his hair – Maddie doesn’t see any of it, because Howie is her husband. She strokes her fingers through his hair, leaves her hand resting on the side of his face, and when his eyes meet hers it’s like the rest of the world fades away. The fluorescent hospital light grows gold with her joy and the blood in her veins fizzes with her jubilation.
“Mommy, cake!” Jee squeals, breaking the spell. Maddie and Chimney laugh and make room for her to climb up onto the hospital bed with them. Sure enough, Maddie’s dad is right behind Jee, carrying the little sheet cake someone picked up at a nearby supermarket.
“I believe the bride and groom are meant to do the honours,” he says, setting the cake down on the tray attached to the bed. He passes Howie the knife handle-first and pats Maddie’s arm before stepping back. She whispers a thank you and tears threaten at her eyes as she shares a smile with her dad.
“Well, my dear, shall we?” Howie asks, pulling her attention. He has his hand held out with the knife in a careful grip – she’s sure that she’s the only one who can see how his outstretched arm tremors, with how close she is, but it stills as she covers his hand with her own.
They cut the cake together, to a round of applause and cell phone pictures, and it’s a whirlwind of activity after that. She holds Chimney’s hand and cuddles Jee into her lap as people rush in a flurry of motion around them. At the centre of it all, Howie is her eye in the storm.
Servings of cake start making their way around the room, and the three of them dig in as soon as it’s in their hands. Maddie can’t help laughing herself almost to tears at the horrified face her mom makes when Jee drops a blue frosting rosette on the train of her gown – and laughs even harder still as her mom’s expression collapses and she joins Maddie’s laughter. They pull a pack of wet wipes from somewhere and manage to get most of the mess, eventually, though they’re both momentarily caught up with giggles when Maddie makes a joke about her something blue.
After that, people come up to offer their congratulations only to step away again shortly after, like the ebb and flow of the tide. Her cheeks are starting to hurt with how much she’s been smiling but she can’t stop , especially not when she catches sight of Buck marching up to the doorway. Behind him is a tall, dark, and handsome firefighter covered head to toe in soot, ash, and grime – just like the lower half of Buck's face. So this must be Tommy.
“Hey, look who almost made it!” Buck says, grinning.
“Congratulations, you two. I’m sorry I missed the ceremony.”
“Thanks, Tommy,” Chim says. He pauses, then adds, “Looks like you were... busy.” Maddie almost snorts cake up her nose.
Evan nods, grinning wider, and pulls Tommy up next to the bed by their joined hands.
“Uncle Buck!” Jee yells, just barely avoiding sending her cake flying across the room in her enthusiasm. Maddie’s quick to move her plate onto a solid surface.
“Hey, Jee!” Buck ruffles Jee’s hair, making her laugh. “Uh, so, Maddie, Jee, this is Tommy. Tommy, Maddie and Jee.”
“Nice to meet you both,” Tommy says. To Maddie specifically, he adds, “I’d shake your hand, but, uh.” He gestures at the grime coating his skin and his turnouts, but Maddie’s already moving Jee off her lap and getting up.
“Don’t be silly, come here,” she says, and pulls him into a hug. He’s shocked tense for a split second, but he relaxes easily and returns the gesture, resting his hand on her shoulder.
When she pulls back, she laughs bright and loud at the grey smear of soot down her front. “Well, Buck, I guess we match,” she says. When she looks over to her brother there’s something so profoundly happy in his expression that she has to look away, resettle herself, before she starts weeping on his new beau.
She lets the conversation continue around her as she sets herself back up on the bed. Jee immediately climbs back into her lap and starts playing with the lace and satin layers of her gown. She presses a kiss to her daughter’s hair, presses her side into her husband to feel his warmth, watches her brother make hopelessly moony eyes at this man who’s turned his world right-side-up. It's a moment Maddie wants to wrap up in paper and keep forever. She can't remember ever feeling so happy.
She is still an older sister, though, so after pausing to savour the bubbling joy in her chest, she turns to Evan. “You know,” she starts, pausing to make sure he’s paying attention. She smiles as innocently as she can, and stage whispers, “You were right, he is a hunk.”
Buck looks comically betrayed as he stutters, “You- that's-” He points at her with the hand not holding Tommy's and turns to the man, whose own expression is somewhere between amused, flattered, and besotted. “That is not what I said!”
“Oh yeah?” Tommy asks, nudging his shoulder against Buck’s. “What did you say, then?”
A pink flush slowly works its way from Buck's ears to his cheeks. “It's- I said you're kind of hunky, it's completely different!”
Tommy and Maddie laugh, sharing a look. She hears Howie chuckling at her side and Jee joins in from her lap, giggling even though she doesn’t know what the joke is, just sharing in the joy. Buck’s gaze lands on Jee and Maddie sees how he can’t help but smile, even as he dramatically slaps his hand on his heart.
“Not you, too, Jee!” he says, and she giggles louder. “Laughing at your Uncle Buck, at such a tender age!”
“I’m always saying how smart she is,” Howie quips. This sets them all off again, including Buck. The soot on his face has started to settle into the creases of his smile, like it’s there to outline his happiness, write it out in bold, point an arrow at it to say look, look.
It’s been a long day, a long week, a long lifetime believing this kind of warmth was out of her reach – it’s been a long time coming, for her and Evan both, to be able to put their jagged edges down and stop fighting to carve out any small shred of happiness either of them could manage to find. For now, in this moment, surrounded by their friends, their family, they can rest.