Chapter Text
The rain shatters strongly on the outside of the bunker, and even though I do enjoy rain on a Sunday afternoon, today it´s become quite annoying, the sound of it plunging against the walls makes it hard to concentrate on anything. It may not sound so clear to Sam and Dean, especially since the walls of the bunker are partially underground, but as an angel I’m capable of perceiving sound in a way more accurate than the human ear can.
I attempt to focus on the television programs shown on Netflix, but every show has now become a repetitive plot, which simply doesn’t make sense. I now understand the whole reason of this Netflix and chill thing Dean has once tried to explain, with such bad shows and terrible programming it is rather preferable to have sexual intercourse with a significant other. At least, I wouldn’t mind it.
I try to pay attention to what is happening on the show Friends, Ross has accidently said Rachel’s name during his vows instead of Emily’s, people keep laughing and are somewhat still shocked about it, but I’m very certain that it’s not something you are supposed to do on a wedding day, so I don’t understand why the laughter. I have never seen anything as complex as comedy, at least not since the first time I saw the pizza man.
I go looking for the more educational aspect of Netflix, though it seems like the only thing I can find are these documentaries on conspiracies. It is completely ridiculous that people think that the Grand Canyon was a product of an alien attack, or that Noah’s ark was actually an intergalactic spacecraft. My brothers and sisters would be laughing hysterically at such absurd assumptions, let alone what my father might think. I wonder if Sam and Dean ever believed in these things, since before I arrived, Dean was pretty reluctant about the existence of God and of angels.
I keep and keep looking, but everything is just as repetitive as the next, that is, until I see this painting, it’s so beautiful and it claims my attention the minute I see it, I play the documentary hoping to learn who created such masterpiece and how it was made.
It is called The Mona Lisa, painted by Leonardo da Vinci, it turns out he was the same painter who created the Final Supper , I must point out he didn’t really capture everything that had happened at that dinner, all of God’s scribes and angels were there, but I guess da Vinci only cared for Jesus and the Apostols.
I spend the next half hour looking for more documentaries on historical art pieces, though it turns out Netflix is of very little use on that aspect, but thankfully, Sam has showed me how to use the internet.
Van Gogh, da Vinci, Picasso, Dali, all such amazing artists, and such beautiful creations they have blessed this world with, it was outstanding, my eyes simply cannot stop looking. Every little detail that they add to make their paintings come alive, each idea that they must have possessed in order to turn nothing into something amazing, it leaves me without words.
It also makes me wonder if I could ever create such masterpieces, I am not completely good with social skills or anything human for that matter, but painting just seems so breathtaking, I must at least try.
In the next few minutes I find these video tutorials that indicate how to paint such things as colorful backgrounds, self-portraits, different types of flowers, it’s so fascinating, I never realized humans had such talents.
I am determined to paint something, anything, but the problem is I don’t possess any of the materials to do so, paints, pastels, markers, paintbrushes, so many things and yet I doubt that I’ll find any of them inside the bunker. Maybe I could ask Sam to buy me some materials, but I don’t feel right bothering him, he’s already done so much for me, it would be wrong on my behalf to keep asking for things. Maybe if I look hard around the bunker I might find something.
Sam and Dean are nowhere to be seen, maybe they went out on a hunt or something, although they never leave without informing me, but that doesn’t matter, it’s time to look for some material.
I start in the storage room, all the boxes contain many objects, but none of them are the ones I need, although they seem very interesting, but now is not the time to start analyzing them.
There are many boxes on the top shelves in the library, I use my angel mojo, as Dean calls it, to lower the boxes. Books, nothing but books in each one, it is very frustrating not finding anything, maybe I can just appear inside a store and take some off the thing I need, although that would be wrong.
“Dude, what are you doing?”
I look up, I’ve been so distracted I rarely noticed when Dean entered the library. He wears a black T-shirt, underneath his green plaited shirt, blue denim jeans and his custom boots, and when I look up to see his face I can’t avoid it and end up foolishly smiling as I watch his green eyes, so beautiful.
“Hello Dean.”
“You wanna tell me what you plan on doing Cas?”
“I am looking for painting material.”
“You plan on painting your room or something? Dude I know the color of the wall sucks, but you shouldn’t stress over it.”
“It’s not for painting the walls Dean, it’s for making a painting, an art piece.”
He looks blankly at me for a moment, as if not understanding what I am saying.
“You can paint?”
“Well, not exactly, but I want to try it out, I’ve been looking at these tutorials on the internet on how to paint, and it seems somewhat easy.”
Dean laughs, he looks at me as if he’s mocking me in some way, he shakes his head and finally looks directly at me.
“Man come on, those tutorial videos only make it look easy, but believe me, nothing on those videos is ever easy, ever.”
“Well that may be so, but I would like to try it out Dean, ever since you cured Rowena’s spell, I’ve felt inadequate, and Netflix is starting to become boring to me.”
Once again, a small laugh comes out of Dean, only this time when he looks at me he can tell I’m serious and he slightly frowns.
“Dude, I didn’t know you felt useless, how come you’ve never said anything.”
“You have enough on your hands with the darkness, I didn’t want to be another problem.”
“Cas stop it, you need to stop talking about yourself like you’re some kind of useless object, you’re an angel for Pete’s sake. Not only that, dude, you’re my best friend, and I’d rather have you here, boring yourself instead of having you die out there. So don’t ever go saying you’re useless ok?”
“Yes Dean.”
The way he talks when he’s determined, it always makes him stand out, and if I’m frank about it, it makes me care about him even more, especially knowing he wishes me safe.
“Let me go get my jacket and we can head off.”
“Where are we going?”
“To the craft store, you want those painting things don’t you?”
All I can do is nod and smile, he smiles in return, once he leaves for his room, I stand there, thinking that I’ll spend a few hours of the day with him. It’s always nice to spend time with Dean, he always has patience for when I can’t understand who or what he is referring to and he always asks me how I’ve been, maybe I don’t always respond honestly, but how can I try to explain my problems, when he has to risk his life every day. It just doesn’t seem right to complain, it isn’t fair for him.
He finally returns with his leather jacket on, he looks mesmerizing as always. “You ready?” he asks me, his words so welcoming.
“Let’s head out.” I manage to say without sounding absurd
The road to the craft store is silent, with nothing but the music surrounding us, Dean changes the cassette tapes after every song ends, he has a wide variety of music, and I thoroughly enjoy listening to it with him. When he changes the tape again, he lets his had rest on the seat, I feel so tempted to rest mine with his, it’s some kind of torture to myself, always wishing I could just say something, hope he would allow me to be with him, not as a friend, but as much more.
“Everything alright buddy?”
It’s clear he caught me staring, but maybe he will ignore it, I must answer him before he starts to ask any more questions.
“I’m just exhilarated about painting.”
“Dude, you barely got the idea today, and you’re already all hyped about it?”
“I know it sounds ridiculous Dean…”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that Cas, I mean, it’s nice to see you enthusiastic over something that isn’t going back to the battlefield.”
“Is it wrong of me to want to go back to help fighting the darkness with you and Sam?”
“No, it’s just, you’ve already died twice, and with the whole heaven thing going on, I don’t know if we would be able to bring you back if something were to happen to you.”
“Dean, you and Sam have died just as much as I have, and look at us, we’re still here, still a team right?”
“Wrong.”
“What?”
“We’re family you dumbass, don’t ever forget that.”
A small blush, that is all my face shows, for I never thought I’d find a family outside of the garrison or outside of heaven, yet, the Winchesters practically adopted me, and I couldn’t be more grateful for all they’ve done.
“I promise I’ll never forget it Dean. We’re family.”
“That’s right, we’re brothers, never forget it.”
Brothers; it might be for the best, after all, I don’t find the courage to try and change that.
The rest of the way to the store, I admire the landscape, in silence. I don’t look back at Dean, he’s humming the tune to an old rock and roll song, and he is very good at it, very concentrated into what he is doing. I enjoy seeing the Winchesters take a day off or two, its better when they are relaxed, not risking themselves.
After what seemed like a very extensive trip, we finally arrive at the craft store, it was bigger than I imagined it to be, but that only meant it had many more materials for art making than I could have imagined. I’m eager to find out just what lies about inside those walls.
My eyes don’t believe what they see, each corridor is filled with many objects, not just paints, there’s yarn, pipe cleaners, needles, fabric, everything. I practically take off the minute I see the hall that possesses everything an artist needs, it’s so beautiful, so colorful, on one side, there’s water colors, spray cans, oil paint, water based paint, an infinity of paintbrushes and different size canvases.
Dean starts to laugh at how amazed I am, and I really can’t blame him, it’s just so mesmerizing and so full of color, for a moment I wish to have it all.
“So Cas, what do need?”
“Well I’m very interested in painting something over a big canvas, so it’s probably better to take oil based paints, and many different types of paintbrushes.”
“Well, you seem to be the expert, so just go picking and put in them in the shopping cart.”
Without a second of hesitation, I fill the cart up with everything I need. I forget that these materials can be expensive but before I know it, the shopping cart is almost full, I stop.
“Dean, are you sure we can afford this?”
“Hey, I don’t want you stressing out on any of this, let Mr. Hendrickson worry about it.”
He pulls a credit card out of his pocket, I should know it’s not right to do this, but I am blinded by how excited making my own masterpiece sounds, I will just look the other way, as many humans tend to say.
We stand in line waiting to pay, Dean keeps looking through everything I have selected to take home, he seems confused by every object he sees, he probably is not familiar with many of them.
It is finally our turn to check out our purchases, Dean keeps mocking me with what I am going to create.
“So how about a painting of those dick brothers of yours, you know you can add their bitchy attitude in each one of their faces. Or even better, a portrait, I wouldn’t mind posing naked for your masterpiece.”
I just smile at his absurdities, although his idea of posing naked for me really would not bother me, it would actually be very exciting to see that happen.
“You two make such a cute couple.”
The cashier interrupts my daydreaming, her words have caught me completely off guard, and I look over at Dean who‘s just started laughing.
“No ma’am you’ve got it wrong, Cas here is like my annoying little brother, although he would be lucky to have me as his husband, right Cassie?”
He ruffles my hair on purpose, and I shove him away while laughing, although he is right about something, I would be lucky.
The cashier says she is sorry, but Dean and I tell her it is not necessary for her to apologize, that there was no problem at all.
I cannot help but smile as we head out towards the Impala, Dean keeps on teasing about how we would be an odd couple, he talks about me being the artistic stay at home dad, and him becoming the one who pays the bills, an odd couple by day, a hunter and an angel by night.
“What should we call our daughter?”
“Dean, please stop that, you are just sounding foolish.”
“Come on Cas, lighten up a bit. Now, what would we call our daughter?”
“Well, if we were to have a daughter, I would like to name her, Mary.”
His laughter becomes seriousness, he looks deeply at me, I cannot comprehend if what I have said has hurt him or if it has made him feel a bit happy. For a moment there is nothing but silence.
“Yeah, Mary would be a sweet name wouldn’t it? Well, I mean if we had a kid or something, I’m just now realizing how stupid this sounds.”
It is not at all stupid Dean, I have sometimes imagined it, although imagination is all it will ever be, my secret desire to be with you.
We put everything in the backseat and head to the bunker, Dean has become silent, I wonder if mentioning his mother’s name has upset him, I wonder if I have upset him.
“Dean is everything alright?”
“Of course Cas, everything is just peachy.”
I would like to insist on the subject, but I know Dean would shut me down instantly, he is not one to have chick flick moments as he says, and I would not like to see him angry today.
As expected, the trip on the way to the bunker is completely silent, and nor Dean nor I, feel like speaking about anything, so I peacefully wait for us to get back home.
At last we arrive, and now I can’t wait to create my own work of art, it will be something outstanding, so much that it will make both Sam and Dean feel happy, they really need to feel that way after everything they have gone through.
I hang my canvas up and prepare everything I need, according to Dean, the tutorials are only supposed to make everything seem easier event though they are very complicated thing to do.
I truly hope he is wrong, because I am about initiate. I hope this works out like it should.