Archive of Our Own

༺ ⛧ ༻

All eyes were on him.

Kazuha was used to it. The eyes of elders and clan leaders would constantly burn his skin. They would watch him and wait. Wait for him to show his true colors whichever hue they would portray.

Wait for him to fuck up.

The air was stiff, thick enough to cut with a knife. Someone had clasped their hands over their mouths. Others were unable to do anything. Others wore a confident smirk. “Finally,” they would think.

Kazuha didn’t have time to think about what others thought about him. Nor could he face them. He was pinned in place by two violet eyes as violent as thunder. His father tugged at his sleeve, begging Kazuha to stand down.

It was too late for that.

“Could you repeat that?” Ei asked him without blinking. Her gaze was relentless.

She was their high priestess. Leader of the oldest family of mages in Inazuma. As ancient as wise. Her words were law.

Kazuha was in no position to talk back to her.

By rights, he shouldn’t even be here.

Once every quarter year, the association of mages held these meetings meant for their leaders— elders and heads of prominent families with bloodlines as old as the land itself.

That wasn’t fully true. Only three families held that kind of authority. Raiden, Kamisato and Kaedehara. As the sole heir due to past mistakes made by his ancestors, Kazuha was the exception to this law. He would succeed his father and when that day came, he would be the only one left in a bloodline that had to be preserved. The visions of their family weren’t allowed to fail.

This meant Kazuha walked on broken glass. He was the exception. Too young and inexperienced to earn any recognition from the old crows in the crowd. Now, here he was, talking back to the one and only, Ei — the one with their future within her hands.

Kazuha suspected many would cave under her electrifying gaze but he had no choice but to stand. Stand for his opinion. Stand because no one expected him to. Because they wanted to see him fall.

“If we keep rejecting change then our kind will never survive,” Kazuha answered, blinking slowly.

His father sighed heavily at his side. That had been Kazuha’s lone chance to back down. Instead, he stood his ground.

“So, you think all mages, no matter how young their bloodline, should have the same rights as a family like your own?”

“Yes?” To Kazuha, this was a given. All mages in these islands co-existed in harmony. They were all a part of a bigger whole, so why should they stick to old traditions as “the older the family, the more rights they acquire”? Visions passed down through generations gave the barer immense power. The stronger the visions, the stronger the will. The stronger their power.

Kazuha couldn’t find it in himself to believe that great power gave the right to authority. Instead, he saw it as a responsibility. Not only to his bloodline and ancestors before him but to the mages of today.

A hint of a smile turned the corner of her mouth. She thought him out of his mind. That much was clear.

“Although I see no reason whatsoever to agree with you young Kaedehara, I have to say you show a great deal of courage in disrespecting me in here.”

Kazuha had always expected the end of their clan would fall upon his shoulders but truthfully, not this quick. He’d hoped his father wouldn’t have to see their clan decline.

“So, how about this?” Ei clasped her hands in front of her. “Let your magic show how strong your convictions are. If you win, I consider thinking about it. And if I win, you accept my point of view and we forget that this happened?”

Kazuha’s face drained of colour. He was all for democratic rights but a magical duel against their leader? Against the mage who slew the creatures of the abyss long before he was born? The one who practically separated the islands?

He swallowed drily. It would be foolish not to be scared. None dared challenge someone who honed an unbeatable technique. The Musou no Hitotachi. A certain hit. A given win. Not always deadly and capable of splitting the mere prospect of time itself, but even at a small scale, Kazuha could get seriously hurt.

“Kazuha, please, step down,” his father pleaded in a whisper at his side. It would be a wise decision. Ei’s relentless gaze still eyed him closely, trying to judge his character. Her provocative smirk showed she already expected him to give up now. To admit defeat before it had to get violent.

She saw him the same way all the others did too. The lone son to a crumbling clan. They wished he would care more for his position, study harder, and take his responsibilities more seriously. The survival of his clan came first.

Kazuha did not agree and his opinion on the matter of these meetings, and the people in this room, was plain to see on the wings of all the paper cranes he’d folded during his participation. He couldn’t stand listening to their jabbering about how the rules would keep them safe. How maintaining old traditions would keep the mages of Inazuma prosperous.

Kazuha thought it all silly. Visions weren’t passed by blood although magic was. Kazuha was born a mage, both his parents being magicians. His visions were granted to him later. An amplifier of skill. An anchor to his powers. But to these old mages, blood was important. More important than anything. Some would argue that the visions were nothing if not paired with the blood. A strong bloodline possessed the ability to utilize visions differently than a mage with a weaker bloodline.

Kazuha was nothing like them. He took risks and the truth was, Kazuha wasn’t one to give up. Getting his ass kicked for equality had to be worth it. Mages had duelled for way more ridiculous reasons.

Steadying himself, he nodded. He might get recognized as the guy who got beaten by their leader just to prove a point but at least he didn’t back down. He wasn’t scared.

That had to count for something, right?

As if all other subjects on the agenda were of no significance, they left the chamber where the meeting was held to instead occupy the forest outside the Raiden estate. Although, it was more like a training ground than a forest at this point.

Kazuha’s father had begged him to reconsider but Kazuha wouldn’t budge. It wasn’t as if she was going to kill him. Both combatants knew this wasn’t a duel of life and death. Ei wouldn’t throw the Musou no Hitotachi at him at full force. If she used her special ability then he might be bedridden for a few days but that would be the worst of it.

Ah, and his pride of course. Luckily that wasn’t far up on his list of worries.

Ei twirled her spear. How she handled her weapon proved nothing but confidence. Few relied on pure magic in combat. Instead, it was infused into a preferred weapon. This wasn’t just a way of saving energy but also a way to remain stable. Even the ones fighting with magic found objects to which they bound themselves. Grimoires for example.

She was ancient. If anyone had the time to fuse with their weapon then it was her. Otherwise, she was like him. An elementalist.

Kazuha touched the hilt of his sword, allowing his fingers to dance across the material. Breathing deep to slowly come in tune with the rhythm of the wind surrounding him.

Kazuha was a skilled mage. The visions passed down through blood in his family were strong. Even his skill with a sword seemed to lay in his blood. Blood mattered, he knew that much. He just didn’t think it had to be everything. There was more to take into account than just blood.

Focusing on his opponent, he realized he’d never duelled anyone like her. Neither her strength nor someone wielding the power of thunder and storm. It was a terrifying power in Kazuha’s opinion. At least combined with her knowledge and skill.

As if she could sense his determination, she initiated the first attack.

She swung her spear allowing multiple vertical violet blades to come rushing forward. Kazuha needed only to step to the side to avoid being hit but he could still feel the tingling sensation her power produced. He wasn’t hit but the residue of her power affected him nonetheless.

Before he could think about a counterattack, Ei had closed the distance between them, once more swinging her polearm as if to take his head.

Kazuha’s quick reflexes saved him, using the wind to jump high. When landing the wind swept outward, infused by her electric residue, which prompted her to widen the distance between the two. It wasn’t a very powerful attack but effective in both defence and attack. The winds were strong and infused with other elements, they carried more power.

They continued like this, back and forth. Kazuha suspected she didn’t go too hard on him. At least not at first. He noticed the change as it happened, and although he remained unscathed by her vicious attacks, he wasn’t doing so without trying. It wasn’t easy and not always flawless. Not to mention, it drained his stamina. He wasn’t sure how long he would be able to keep it up.

Ei, on the other hand, lacked his patience for their game.

Kazuha knew the moment she decided what to do. It wasn’t just her way of creating a distance between them. He could feel it in the air. The smell of burning electric components. The winds who ordered his commands stung with a violent aura. Even the skies seemed to darken.

The Musou no Hitotachi.

A certain defeat. The blow that could cut mountains. Few had seen it.

Kazuha channelled his winds, looking for whatever energy his visions could muster. Then he darted forward.

The clearing exploded in violet. The dust rising.

As it cleared, Kazuha saw his sword against Ei’s pole arm, sparks of teal and violet emitting from where they met.

He raised his gaze from where their weapons collided to face the surprised gaze that fell upon him. They both seemed unable to comprehend words.

Kazuha… blocked it?

Ei regained composure first. She twisted, attacking Kazuha where he stood. The impact was too powerful, forcing Kazuha backwards. As he stumbled, Ei attacked again.

Kazuha parried the blades with a shield of wind, but the brute force made his defence cost him his balance. He fell backwards and before he could rise, the tip of Ei’s spear lay against his throat.

Kazuha relaxed, drained after what had transpired the last ten seconds.

Ei recalled her spear. He might have blocked The Musou no Hitotachi, no matter its force, but it was still defeat.

Ei stretched out her hand. Kazuha took it, allowing her to help him on his feet again. His legs hardly held him upright. He’d never felt exhaustion like this before. Ei did not let him go.

“You might not have won this fight Kaedehara, but I wouldn’t entirely consider it a loss either.” With that, she let him go and turned to leave.

Kazuha watched her back before turning to his father. He was pale as a ghost.

The truth was that more participants in the audience than his father seemed to have caught their breath as the duel finished. All eyes were once more on him alone and for the first time, Kazuha wanted to shrink under their gaze.

He could stand the silent threats and judging side eyes. This was different. They looked at him with astonishment. With awe. For once, he felt like their hungry eyes would devour him. As if he, suddenly was someone worth watching.

It terrified him.

Kazuha’s father caught him before he could fall. He held on, keeping him upright. If he fell again then he would have lost. If he could remain standing, Ei’s praise would not run through his fingers.

He might not have gotten what he wanted but instead, he knew he’d gained something else. Recognition. Ei had seen him as a worthy opponent. That, in itself, was a win.

“D- Did I block it?”

He looked up into his father's familiar red eyes. His colour had returned to his skin. He nodded, hardly noticeable.

Kazuha didn’t know what to say and by the look of it, his father didn’t either.

༺ ⛧ ༻

Kazuha was just an ordinary high schooler. Okay, not entirely ordinary. He was a mage after all. But mages weren’t rare.

He had classes to participate in. Homework to do. He didn’t stand out from the crowd and neither did he want to. The same applied to his studies as a mage. His role in that society was no different. At this time of his life, he wanted to pass quietly under the radar and focus on his own life in the ordinary world.

The ordinary appealed to him. His best friends were ordinary humans. He wished he could be carefree like them. That education and love were his biggest issues. Not whatever he put up with in the society of mages. No magic spells to learn ooh duels to fight. No one to impress. No one to disappoint.

In school, he could remain a simple guy. At least that was how it used to be. Ever since he spoke out of place and agreed to that duel, nothing had been the same.

Ayaka had been a great comfort even though, she too, was curious. She learned of it from her father and brother, both present at the time. She’d hardly believed it if it hadn’t been backed up by Yoimiya who’d also heard the event of the last meeting from her father. The two girls were easy to talk to. Yoimiya was the most excited about the whole thing. Ayaka was the one to remind him that he’d done something to be proud of. None would speak up against the mages' old ways and laws. He saw some comfort in that at least.

His two best friends, Tomo and Heizou, didn’t mind Ayaka and Yoimiya’s company. The five of them had always been good friends despite the two guys having no idea the rest of the group were mages. Magic wasn’t for the common people. Living among them without being suspected of being different was rather the point.

”So, they’re telling me you were the one to block The Musou no Hitotachi.”

Kazuha almost jumped in his seat, too deep in thought to hear someone approach.

The centre of attention wasn’t for him. Of course, he too was amazed by what he’d done but the new admiration from left and right was something new to him. Going from practically shunned to the name of everyone’s lips was odd to say the least.

It had taken him and his father the entire evening to get to terms with it. His father was impressed but more so was he concerned about what had landed Kazuha in that position to begin with. Speaking up against their leader was not the kind of attention Kazuha should expose himself to. He wasn’t surprised that he did, but he preferred if Kazuha could avoid it.

Kazuha knew better than to do it again. He knew better than to have anything with that family to do.

That was why he leaned back in his chair, trying his best to create distance between himself and the owner of the voice.

Scaramouche, Ei’s only son. A mage and, unfortunately, Kazuha’s classmate.

They had never spoken. This was their last year of high school and Kazuha had expected the silence to continue.

Kazuha didn’t like Scaramouche. He wasn’t very nice or considerate. He was blunt and outright rude. A force of nature, if you will. As a mage, he was the same. As Kazuha understood it, he was no academic genius in the art of magic but the raw power he could control was beyond understanding. Word was that Ei had to seal parts of it away as he grew up due to his abilities.

It was scary. Knowing a guy like him could use such brute force wasn’t a comforting thought. Rather the opposite.

The Raiden family was nothing but bad news.

“What of it?” Kazuha asked, trying to match the cool exterior he’d seen Scaramouche put up so many times.

“Well, I didn’t expect something like that from a mage like you, that’s all.” To Kazuha’s great dismay, Scaramouche pulled out the chair by the desk in front of Kazuha and got seated. His body was turned against Kazuha, leaning his elbows on Kazuha’s desk.

“You might be from a prominent bloodline but we all know the Kaedehara’s aren’t exactly what they used to be. I thought you were all useless, to be honest.”

Kazuha wasn’t sure if he was complementing him or not.

“So, did you just get lucky or what?” Scaramouche continued.

Two classmates walking by made Kazuha withhold his answer. He might have stirred the magical cauldron as of now. He wouldn’t make it worse by getting caught speaking about magic for ordinary humans to hear.

He didn’t blame passerbys’ for glancing in their direction. Scaramouche spoke to few and especially not someone like Kaedehara. They had nothing in common.

Not to mention, Scaramouche was beautiful. Anyone could see as much.

Kazuha hated it. It was hard to dislike a guy as much as Kazuha wanted when the guy in question looked like the night sky incarnated. He was pale, unlike his own tanned skin. Kazuha’s eyes shone like rubies, Scaramouche’s were dark and mesmerizing. Where Kazuha would portray light, Scaramouche was nothing but the moon.

His inc coloured hair framed his face, highlighting the perfectly cut angles of his features. His indigo eyes were deep. Like watching the water surface, constantly ponder what could be hiding in the unexplored darkness below.

Scaramouche was just that. A deep section of water that Kazuha had chosen not to explore. He didn’t need to know how deep the water would be or find out what hid beneath the surface.

It didn’t make it less intriguing though.

No matter how he wished to deny it, Scaramouche was Kazuha’s type. He was too pretty to ignore. However, he would never admit it. Partly because he was expected to keep his bloodline alive. Marry a woman and pass the magic and his family's visions down for generations to come. Partly because everyone else saw Scaramouche that way too, flirting without shame as the moment arrived, but mostly, it was because he was a despicable human.

Kazuha liked people who spoke their minds but not like this. Scaramouche was, without doubt, too confident. Kazuha supposed he’d been fed with praise all his life. He was an impressive mage with an insane amount of power output in which he showed incredible skill. He was the one to inherit the leadership over the mages association, a league of his own.

As the people passed, Kazuha shrugged.

It might have been luck. At least a bit of it. Kazuha had thought back on that moment a lot. It hadn’t been like he knew what he had to do but at the same time… he did? He’d concluded that he simply trusted his instincts and followed where the wind led him.

That was the only explanation for it and Kazuha had no reason to explain as much to Scaramouche. This “useless Kaedehara” had no such obligations.

Scaramouche snorted but soon a smile, or something akin to a smirk, spread across his lips.

“Why so humble Kaedehara? Shouldn’t you be at least a little proud of what you have accomplished?”

“I didn’t win,” Kazuha answered hoping his short reply would show that he was in no mood to talk about it.

“True, I still find you admirable though. Few have challenged my mother and lived to tell the tale. Blocking The Musou no Hitotachi is something I never believed I’d hear. It’s impressive.”

Kazuha had never heard Scaramouche be impressed by anything.

“Watch out, one could almost believe you’re trying to seduce me.”

“Hardly,” Scaramouche retorted with a scoff. He didn’t seem too phased by Kazuha’s playful claim. He wasn’t sure why he asked. Perhaps it was to get him off his back as soon as possible.

Scaramouche leaned forward on his elbows. “Would it be a bad thing if I did?”

Kazuha could feel the blood rise to his cheeks. He leaned back further. Perhaps he’d set himself up for this by joking about the wrong things.

“Seven years of bad luck if you ever break my heart,” Kazuha answered as he collected himself. It had been a joke, but as if a coin flip, this extremely handsome guy almost did flirt. Didn’t he?

Kazuha would not fall for that. Scaramouche was manipulative, a complete ass, and painfully straight. His looks were probably the only thing he had going for him in this world of non-mages and Kazuha wasn’t stupid enough to fall for looks.

He liked mind. Heart. A hint of a soul would be nice.

“Is that a challenge, Kaedehara?”

“It’s not,” Kazuha answered, halting this game before it went overboard.

Scaramouche looked like he wanted to continue but someone calling Kazuha’s name caught both young men’s attention.

Heizou waved in the door opening. Tomo stood not far behind.

Right, he was waiting for them after all.

“I’d like to say it was a nice talk, but frankly, it wasn’t,” Kazuha said as he gathered his stuff. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind. Not with this guy.

“Whatever you say, Kaedehara.”

Kazuha threw his backpack over his shoulder. A shiver travelled down his spine by the sound of his last name. There was something in the way he said it.

He started walking, rolling his eyes as he did. He shouldn’t have entertained the guy to begin with.

“I’ll see you around,” Scaramouche called after him as he left.

Archons, he hoped not.

༺ ⛧ ༻

Kazuha pushed his hair aside before continuing to write in his notebook. It wasn’t a dairy. More of a random thoughts-new-wisdom-spells-poems kind of notebook. Whatever was on his mind.

Currently, it was herbs. As an elementalist, he wasn’t schooled in the arts of flora. He knew nothing of their ability to heal or kill. It made him curious.

Kazuha glanced at the door to the chamber where they usually held the meetings the elders and clan leaders participated. Behind those doors, one of those meetings was taking place as of right now. They’d scheduled another one just weeks later to discuss whatever topic had been left out after the duel took place.

Kazuha was supposed to participate but on the entire walk over to the Raiden estate, Kazuha wished to be anywhere but here. He couldn’t stand the attention.

As they neared the chamber, Kazuha backed out. He couldn’t do this today. He’d wait outside for them to finish.

The sofa shifted as someone sat down next to him.

Kazuha turned towards the intruder, closing his notebook immediately after seeing Scaramouche by his side. He leaned back, hands behind his head, adding to his otherwise already confident body language. His legs were crossed and his gaze was on Kazuha.

“Don’t stop on my account.”

Kazuha tore his gaze away, focusing on the notebook between his hands. Not the way their school uniform pants hugged Scaramouche’s waist. Not the way his collarbone had shown through his not fully buttoned shirt.

“What are you doing here,” Kazuha wondered, disturbed by the unwanted company.

Scaramouche laughed.

“You know I live here, right?”

Kazuha bit his lip. Of course, he knew that. It was rather beyond the point. Scaramouche living here did not explain why he was here by Kazuha’s side. The mansion was enormous. There had to be somewhere else for the guy to be. Kazuha refrained from answering. He didn’t feel like indulging in Scaramouche’s theatrics today.

Scaramouche sighed loudly. Unnecessarily loud. On purpose no doubt.

“Archons, can you be any more boring?”

Kazuha ignored him, following Scaramouche’s advice, and opened his notebook back up. Don’t stop on my account, was it? By all means, Kazuha could be that boring. He owed Scaramouche nothing. He leaned back, hoping Scaramouche would get the hint.

He didn’t.

Kazuha almost jumped in his seat as Scaramouche shifted and lay his head in Kazuha’s lap while stretching out on the sofa.

He glared at him, hoping that would be enough for the guy to move.

It wasn’t. Scaramouche just held his gaze with a smile.

Kazuha wanted to annoy him as much as possible to make him leave but at the same time, he had an incredibly attractive boy resting his head in his lap?

He shouldn’t entertain thoughts like that. Beautiful or not, it was still Ei’s son, a Raiden prodigy and once again, a jerk of a guy. Beautiful or not, he still annoyed Kazuha even now.

Kazuha hit him over the head with his notebook. It was hard enough to wipe that smug smile off his face but not enough to make him move.

“Ouch, what was that for?”

“You’re bothering me.”

Scaramouche rolled his eyes, still refusing to move.

“What are you doing out here in the first place?”

Kazuha avoided Scaramouche’s gaze. He was not about to admit why he hadn’t gone in. It wasn’t embarrassing, it was rather that Kazuha saw no reason to. He doubted Scaramouche would understand. He’d been the centre of attention since the day he was born.

Kazuha cleared his throat. “Mind your business.”

Scaramouche opened his mouth to do just about the opposite of what Kazuha asked but he was spared. The doors to the chamber opened and the guests quickly flooded the corridor.

Kazuha was surprised to see Scaramouche remain where he lay. He’d even closed his eyes, showing no signs of moving although Kazuha was soon to.

When the crowd cleared, he noticed his father in conversation with Ei by the doors. Kazuha couldn’t hear what they were saying. Not until noticing Kazuha waiting did they abandon their place by the door.

“Scaramouche?”

“Mother,” Scaramouche responded without opening his eyes.

“You never told me you were friends with Kaedehara.”

Scaramouche opened his eyes, visibly annoyed by his mother's presence. With another sigh, he got up and leaned back against the sofa.

“You don’t usually care for what I do in school. Who I befriended shouldn’t be of your concern,” Scaramouche explained, spreading his hands as if to lay all his cards on the table. It was as simple as that.

Kazuha didn’t have a mother but he was sure he wouldn’t treat her like this if she was alive. She hadn’t meant to provoke him, her question lined with curiosity and not spite. Kazuha didn’t get it.

Why was Scaramouche so annoyed?

Kazuha pocketed his notebook and got up to stand next to his father. It was time to leave. They had lingered long enough.

“It’s actually a pleasant surprise. I’ve proposed to Mr Kaedehara here about how we believe you two studying together could be beneficial for the both of you,” Ei explained.

Kazuha’s gaze snapped to his father. Words of denial would have rolled off his tongue if not for the gaze he received in return. A discreet shake of his head followed.

Not here. Not now, it seemed to say.

Kazuha swallowed, glancing at Scaramouche. His gaze was unnerving, still holding his mother's gaze without faltering. Kazuha was suddenly aware of the two powerful forces in front of him.

Kazuha had heard that Scaramouche and his mother weren’t on the best of terms but that was quite the understatement. The two of them seemed to get along like cats and dogs.

“I’ve been fine on my own so far, haven’t I?” Scaramouche eventually questioned.

Good. Then they could both agree that this proposition was a bad one. Unfortunately, no one else seemed to agree.

“I think you would be surprised by what you could learn from each other. Not to mention, we’ve already made the decision. We’re not asking. It’s a direct order if you will.” Words that had begun soft and honeyed had quickly turned stern and cold.

“Whatever,” Scaramouche said with a snort before getting up to leave. He only cast one annoyed glance at Kazuha before walking off.

Ei excused him. Kazuha didn’t think she should but he kept that to himself. He couldn’t pinpoint if it was her fault that Scaramouche was as he was or if he was simply an ass. Unpleasant and annoying.

And Kazuha’s new reading partner.

He would have to thank his father later. It wouldn’t have been very nice to object outright against Ei again. Not when it hadn’t even been a month since the last time. Not after understanding there was no escaping this.

He sighed loudly first after the door to the mansion closed behind them.

“At first, I believed the duel was a grave mistake but Ei sure has taken a liking to you. You should be happy to receive an opportunity like this.”

Kazuha’s father was always ready to see the bright side of things. Kazuha had inherited that point of view from him and he’d never cursed himself for not being kind. For seeing his shortcomings as opportunities to learn. He knew this was one of those situations.

He was invited to study with Scaramouche, the son of their leader. Could Kazuha even fathom what books they had stored in that old mansion? He’d heard about the library they had. He’d seen the door. For all he knew, there were no secrets in there. Nothing saying that he could not visit it if he wanted to. The issue was that it felt like it. No young mage would ask about the books and the ones allowed to come and go were all clan leaders for all Kazuha knew.

Studying with Scaramouche would bring him one step closer to the hidden-away knowledge of magic. Especially history.

For someone who definitely would be the end of a long-standing bloodline, Kazuha was unusually interested in history. Family history. Magical history. Spells, techniques, and legends long forgotten.

It would be stupid to say no. Not that he seemed to have any say on the matter. But still, if he had a say in the matter, would he have disagreed only because of the company? Did he even believe he would get anything done with Scaramouche around? A thought about what kind of distracted he would be was quickly discarded. Distracted because he was annoying and talking a lot. Not because he was pretty.

Perhaps a little bit because he was pretty.

A little bit.

“I suppose I am,” Kazuha answered, his reply delayed.

He looked over his shoulder at the building disappearing behind the trees. He wasn’t sure what it was, it might have been the wind, but Kazuha was sure that things were bound to change. Whether he wanted them to or not.

༺ ⛧ ༻

“Hey, aren’t you coming?”

Kazuha tore his gaze from the schoolyard outside and looked up at Heizou waiting by the door.

He shook his head before rising to leave.

“I’m sorry. I can’t walk with you guys today.”

Tomo stuck his head out. “What do you mean?”

“It means I’m forced to participate in studies after school,” Kazuha explained with a deep sigh.

The day was here. It had only been two days since it was settled but apparently, the Raiden’s wasted no time.

“You make it sound like you must study after school. I’ve seen your grades, so what is this really about?” Heizou continued. Nothing slipped past him.

“Is it a club thing?” Tomo shot in.

Kazuha nodded. “Sort of yeah. I need to do some after-hours studies with Scaramouche. I don’t know for how long.”

Both his friends stopped in their tracks.

“Scaramouche? As in Scaramouche that you have crushed on since we first—"

“Tomo!” Kazuha called out, whipping his head from side to side to verify that they were alone. Scaramouche could be here any second, he couldn’t have his friend call out mad stuff like that.

“And it is not a crush,” he added quietly.

“No, I definitely remember you calling it that,” Heizou added on.

Kazuha sighed again. He too remembered calling it that but that was three years ago.

“That was before I knew what an annoying prick he is, okay?”

If only his best friends knew how Scaramouche was in the world of mages. If only they could truly know Kazuha. That would never happen. The mages' laws forbid it. There would always be a part of Kazuha they were never allowed to see.

Kazuha didn’t like it. He didn’t like lying. Pretending. Faking.

He opened his mouth to continue defending himself but the sight of Scaramouche cut him off. He gave a lazy wave in greeting. Heizou and Tomo took it as their queue to leave. Kazuha wished they wouldn’t but what choice did he have?

“Cheer up Kaedehara,” Scaramouche urged as they were left alone.

Kazuha ignored it.

He remained quiet and uninterested in whatever Scaramouche threw his way on the walk to the mansion. All until Scaramouche opened up the library door.

They had descended maybe two sets of stairs but Kazuha could never have imagined it would have been like this. The library had to be equal in size to the mansion itself. There were books everywhere his eyes could see.

“I like that look on your face.”

Kazuha tore his gaze from rows and rows of books, landing on Scaramouche. He’d forgotten he was here. The smile that adorned his face faded somewhat.

It wasn’t… his comment.

It was the soft gaze in which he held Kazuha. In this backdrop, in this place, Scaramouche was prettier than ever. His shirt collar was unbuttoned enough to reveal the black shirt underneath it. The backpack slung over his shoulder. The dust sparkled behind him in the sun shining in from the windows on the second floor.

It was his beauty.

Among these books, books that Kazuha held at such value, Scaramouche was what truly shone brightest.

Scaramouche turned his gaze away and walked over to one of the tables placed in between the bookshelves. Kazuha followed him with his eyes. He couldn’t force himself to move. Not yet.

Sitting down next to him would break the illusion.

Instead, Kazuha walked over to one of the bookshelves. Alphabetical. The shelves themselves were sorted into categories as well. Kazuha could read about just about anything in here.

There was no stopping him now. The only bothersome aspect was Scaramouche. Pretty was all he was.

Before joining him at the table, Kazuha located books related to the history of elementalist as well as guides in infusion. Kazuha was young, it would take him years to perfect his abilities no matter what people said. Kazuha could see that he was skilled, more skilled than a guy his age should be perhaps, but it wasn’t reason to stop now.

As he read, his gaze sometimes flicked to Scaramouche. He, quite lazily, flickered through some book on ancient artefacts that were used by mages as material for infusions. Like Kazuha and his sword. Like Scaramouche and his grimoire.

He’d heard Scaramouche was efficient with swords but trained in more than one class of weapons. The rumour was he couldn’t infuse his weapon without breaking it. His output was that great.

The way he almost dozed off or scanned the pages with as much interest as Kazuha did his math book, made Kazuha tear his gaze away. If that wasn’t a sign of growing up privileged, Kazuha didn’t know what was.

Still, he couldn’t help but notice other aspects as well. Like the mole beneath his right eye. It was hardly noticeable. Scaramouche’s skin was porcelain. Fair. Cold. It took Kazuha a while to notice the only crack in his surface. A small scar ran from his wrist and up his hand. It was white and thin like a piece of thread against his skin. To smooth to be the result of his magic.

Kazuha looked down at his own hands. Sun-kissed and covered in scars. Practice scars. Scars acquired from clumsiness as well as lessons that came with growing up. Scaramouche’s hands weren’t like that. Flawed like that.

Kazuha ignored it, continuing with his book. Unlike what he’d believed, Scaramouche remained mostly quiet during their time together. It was odd. Almost unnerving even.

Heizou had written in the group chart asking how the time spent with his crush was going. Kazuha answered that it was awful.

It wasn’t. Not really. He’d still classify it as a session from hell, but in truth, it was rather okay. Scaramouche was quiet and Kazuha eventually learned to filter him out.

It was only him in this massive library.

And it wasn’t a crush. It might have been once. Once when he didn’t know who Scaramouche was.

They continued to pester him about Scaramouche as the weeks flew by and they discovered that this new activity was far from something Kazuha would escape anytime soon. They’d even dragged Ayaka and Yoimiya into their schemes. They played along of course although they knew exactly why Kazuha did this.

Instead of helping him, they made up that Kazuha volunteered to help out with the club activities with Scaramouche. The club in question was one for mages only. A cover-up. In school logs, they were conducting readings on history.

Kazuha supposed it was accurate enough. Not to mention, the club had been there forever. Since long before their parents went to this school.

Kazuha had started to silence his phone when in the Raiden library. The others' teasing had gone too far. He’d read up on their idiocy later.

Kazuha twirled his hand, making the water in the glass in front of him rise. It flowed smoothly at his gestures until it sank back into the glass.

Kazuha wiped his brow. It wasn’t as hard to do as it had been when he started last week but it still wasn’t easy.

“I thought you controlled the air.”

Kazuha turned hastily to see Scaramouche leaning against a bookshelf behind him.

Kazuha had started sitting elsewhere for this. Not necessarily because he wished to be alone.

Or maybe it was.

He didn’t have to let Scaramouche see him struggle with something that should be simple. Then, he supposed it was, regarding not disturbing the other as well, but Kazuha would lie if he said that was the main reason.

“I do,” Kazuha explained as he turned back to the glass. “I control the air around me, catching the water, fusing it with what I can control.”

Scaramouche sat down opposite him.

“It looks impressive.”

“Someone like you can hardly be impressed by this,” Kazuha countered.

Scaramouche sighed loudly. “I’m trying to complement you.”

Kazuha rolled his eyes. He saw no reason for it.

“You don’t have to try being nice to me. It’s not like we’re friends.”

“I think we could be. If you tried.”

Kazuha raised his gaze from the book in front of him. He kept silent, not sure what to say to the other.

To make it simple, Kazuha closed the book and rose from his seat. He didn’t want to try. He didn’t want to get closer to Scaramouche and he most certainly didn’t want to be his friend.

They had shared these study sessions for a few weeks but they never spoke. It wasn’t like they had gotten closer. Kazuha didn’t know the guy. He only knew complements and insults belonged in the same breath. He knew Scaramouche valued power. Strength. He knew Scaramouche had no interest in him whatsoever besides the fact that he blocked his mother’s infamous sword art.

That was it. Kazuha had watched him yes, even adored him, but that told him nothing. They didn’t know each other, and neither would they.

Kazuha flung his backpack over his shoulder before saying his goodbyes, leaving Scaramouche alone with the glass of water.

That was enough for today.

༺ ⛧ ༻

“Take this!”

Kazuha caught the shirt Tomo threw at him. Plain white T-shirt.

“Tomo, I don’t think —“

“And this!”

A pair of high-waisted jeans came flying. Kazuha caught them in his arms waiting for Tomo to emerge from the closet. As he did, Kazuha sighed, throwing his clothes on the bed.

Tomo leaned against the wardrobe door. “It’s just a party Kazuha. It’s been ages since you hung out with us since the workload in your club got worse. Just, allow yourself some fun would you?”

Kazuha bit the inside of his cheek. Some fun, huh? He looked over at his clothes on the bed. At least Tomo had dragged out something he felt comfortable in.

He supposed staying a while would hurt nobody.

Kazuha wasn’t a drinker but he’d lie if he said he didn’t enjoy it. There was nothing wrong with the taste. Just his tolerance. That was why parties were bothersome. Everyone was expected to drink a lot.

Not to mention, living a double life was hard enough without being under the influence of alcohol. Not that he’d ever slip, but hell, who was he to say never?

Not even yet inside Yoimiya’s house did someone pass him a bottle of clear liquor.

Kamisato Ayato. Ayaka’s brother. Thoma was there too. Kazuha started to suspect this party might be somewhat bigger than Tomo had claimed. The presence of college students said it all.

Kazuha took a careful sip before giving the bottle back. He’d always liked Ayato. In many ways, he’d behaved as much a brother for him as he did his own sister. The three grew up together and had been almost inseparable as they did.

It changed somewhat when Ayato needed to take a bigger responsibility for their family. But by the look of things, even he could catch a break at times.

Ayato warned them about going inside. The house was stuffed.

Kazuha took his offer to stay outside a while, lighting one of the joints he rolled before getting there. Tomo took one drag before heading inside. Kazuha sat on the railing to level with the two elder guys. They, as well as Tomo, were a lot taller than himself.

”I heard you’ve been studying with Scaramouche lately.” No doubt the courtesy of his sister. Kazuha told him as it was. Ish. He couldn’t tell him exactly as it was since Thoma was there too, but it had to have been close enough because Ayato seemed to understand. He always understood. Kazuha wasn’t sure he liked that.

Kazuha enjoyed staying in the older guys' company. He hadn’t even entered the house but he still felt like he was at the party. The front door had remained open and several students he recognized, as well as those he did not recognize, had entered the house. Some had left the house too. Mostly for a smoke.

Kazuha felt better about being here. Partly because he felt the effect of the grass he’d smoked. A bad habit but it hurt nobody. As a mage, it wasn’t just the calming effect on his nerves but also a lid on his abilities.

Kazuha guessed that was the reason Ayato stole his smoke from time to time. They had just about finished it as Ayaka emerged from the house. Kazuha put it out, blowing the last smoke out between his lips. Ayaka gave her brother a disagreeing look but smiled as she greeted Kazuha.

Some were trying to get a game started and she’d gone to get them. Kazuha tried to escape but Ayaka didn’t allow him. A drinking game wasn’t exactly his idea of fun but after that joint, he relented quicker than usual.

Tomo handed him a beer as he got seated next to him. Since he hadn’t gone inside until now, he hadn’t noticed all the guests yet. He hadn’t noticed Scaramouche. Kazuha hadn’t expected him to be here. He’d deemed him too arrogant to show up at a common house party.  It didn’t matter that a mage hosted it.

Still, he couldn’t blame him. Everyone was here. He’d probably been dragged here as well.

Kazuha would avoid him.

In this setting, among people where mages were a minority, Kazuha was safe. He’d always felt the same among the humans. They were motivated by other ideals. Had other worries and goals. The mages were ruled and controlled. Rarely did they step out of line.

Therefore, Kazuha hid among them.

Therefore, Kazuha smoked until his magic lay quiet and dormant.

If Kazuha could be a normal guy, then his life wouldn’t have to be like this. He didn’t have to marry to save his bloodline. He could graduate. Go to college. Love whoever he wanted.

Kazuha glanced at Scaramouche. He wore ripped black jeans and a grey T-shirt. Painfully plain almost. So different from their school uniform. His ears were usually empty but now adorned in black metal. He had three piercings Kazuha hadn’t noticed before.

Someone proposed truth or dare.

It started off easy. Simple truths, innocent dares. Then it escalated. Truths or dares too embarrassing or daring to do or tell were instead paid for with alcohol. Most felt frisky tonight and did the dumb shit they would have avoided otherwise.

Ayaka gave Thoma a lap dance. Yoimiya made out with Ayato. Kuki was dared to shot every time someone refused. This led to two things; her being drunk enough to dare make a move on Heizou as well as Kazuha being unable to say no when someone dared him to finish an almost empty liquor bottle.

It wasn’t much in there but Kazuha knew his alcohol tolerance and so did the one who dared him. For Kuki’s sake, he did it. If he didn’t drink anymore after this bottle, he would be fine.

The alcohol made him more relaxed and although the room swayed slightly, he felt more at home and at ease than he’d done in weeks. He hadn’t even glanced at Scaramouche until the guy was dared to switch shirts with Heizou.

How was Kazuha not supposed to look as he pulled that grey T-shirt over his head before throwing it over to Heizou?

Was he supposed to ignore how incredibly well-toned his body was for his small build? He was nowhere as toned as a sportsman like Tomo but Kazuha could still define the shadow of abs against his pale skin.

Archons.

It didn’t get better as he pulled on Heizou’s white tank top either. Was he supposed to ignore how it left his sides bare, exposing his skin?

Someone gave his cigarette back which he put between his lips. He inhaled deep as he pushed his hair back only for it to fall back into his eyes.

Kazuha had to look away. To say that Scaramouche wasn’t his type was the biggest lie ever told to mankind.

His thoughts were interrupted by Tomo admitting that Scaramouche’s mother was his type. It brought a laugh from almost anyone. Even Scaramouche, who gave him the finger, was grinning.

As the alcohol got to them, the music got louder and the game more intense. When a majority of them were half-dressed or kissing strangers, Kazuha made his way out on the porch.

The music still reached him but at least the air was clean. No smoke, no weed, or heavy smell of alcohol. Kazuha wanted another joint, but he would refrain from it. It was his alcohol-drowned thoughts talking. Not his better judgment.

He’d borrowed a cigarette pack from Ayato instead. Placebo would have to work. He only ever smoked cigarettes at parties. Most of them did. The majority of them weren’t exactly drinking age, being only seventeen still.

Kazuha didn’t care. His father didn’t care. His father, just like any mage, didn’t bother with issues related to humans and their world. Mages played their part in the human world. Nothing more.

Kazuha took back his seat on the railing, leaning back against one of the pillars. There was a soft breeze — a welcoming one.

Kazuha twirled his fingers and the smoke from his cigarette took the form of a cat, jumping up and then dissolving. He was coming down from his high. Perhaps he wasn’t as drunk as he thought either.

But it had been fun. Forgetting about the world for a while. Getting high. Drunk. Embarrass himself a fair amount. It was what it meant to be only human. Something Kazuha could only play pretend at.

He put the cigarette out and took a deep breath of fresh air.

“Didn’t take you for someone who smokes.”

Kazuha turned his head to see Scaramouche leaning against the wall. He was back in his own clothing.

Kazuha scoffed. “Well, you don’t know me.”

His comment only allowed a smirk to spread over Scaramouche’s features. Kazuha wasn’t even sure anymore if that smirk was highly attractive or just annoying. Every line that was Scaramouche continued to blur all too rapidly.

He leaned forward, walking over to Kazuha. He wasn’t as elegant in his step as he usually was. Drunk, without a doubt.

“Well, you certainly made that point clear,” Scaramouche declared with a sigh. Kazuha rolled his eyes.

“Why do you even try so hard? Don’t you think I know you only look at me because of what I did in that duel?” He allowed his annoyance to show.

Maybe if they weren’t mages, if they could just be fucking normal, then he would have enjoyed Scaramouche’s attention. Now he didn’t. It was only a constant reminder of how blood and power were all that mattered.

Kazuha jumped down. It had become a habit, but Kazuha would walk away nether the less.

“It’s not like that.”

Kazuha stopped in his tracks. Unlike before, he hadn’t taken more than a step. Scaramouche hadn’t stopped him from leaving before. He turned to look at him but the guy had turned his gaze away. It now rested on the garden instead.

“I mean… it is like that, but not only like that.” Scaramouche faced him again. He looked genuine enough but Kazuha still didn’t know what he was getting at.

“I don’t need to hear it. It’s so blatantly obvious what you think about me and my declining bloodline. You, who possess such raw power and pride yourself on it would never have approached me at all if not for the tiny bit of potential you see in me now.”

Scaramouche clenched his jaw.

“I’m telling you that’s not it.”

“No?” Kazuha asked.

Scaramouche stepped closer. A lot closer. Close enough for Kazuha to wrap his arms around him if he so wished. A big part of him wanted to. He could always blame the alcohol later.

“The way you deny me is -“ Scaramouche took a deep breath - “infuriating.”

Kazuha assumed Scaramouche was used to getting whatever he wanted. It was ironic how Kazuha pushed him away almost solely because he actually did want him. The part of him that was just an ordinary high schooler wishing his crush would feel the same.

“So, my potential has caught your interest and now I’m infuriating because I won’t comply with you? Are you that used to getting everything you want, huh?”

Scaramouche raised his hand, caressing Kazuha’s face before taking a firmer grip on his chin. Kazuha had no choice but to be dragged along.

“I’ve seen how you look at me, Kaedehara. How can you do that and still walk away from me time and time again?” Scaramouche was more drunk than Kazuha had anticipated.

But so was Kazuha.

“Because you don’t want it.” Because Scaramouche didn’t want Kazuha the way he wanted him. Scaramouche only cared because Kazuha suddenly existed. Just like everyone else. The failed son finally proved his worth.

“You don’t know what I want.”

But Kazuha knew. Unlike Scaramouche, Kazuha wasn’t an ignorant idiot.

Kazuha closed the distance between them. Or at least he tried. Scaramouche released him and turned his face away the second he caught up to Kazuha’s action.

In any normal case, Kazuha would have been overwhelmed by shame. He’d tried to kiss Scaramouche, and he dodged. It was enough to break any hoping spirit.

Although Kazuha was drunk and slowly coming down from his high, he would never have tried if he hadn’t fully expected Scaramouche to avoid him. It all prompted him to laugh. Almost uncontrollably. He wished Scaramouche could see his face right now.

Scaramouche could sweet talk Kazuha all he wanted but as it came down to it, the guy was just all talk. A wannabe rebel afraid to step out of line.

Kazuha fished up another cigarette from the package in his back pocket. “You sure are hilarious,” Kazuha concluded, inhaling as he lit the cigarette. Maybe, if they could hang out like this more often, Kazuha could actually come to call Scaramouche his friend.

Not likely.

Kazuha raised his gaze just in time to see Scaramouche lean closer and press their lips together.

Kazuha’s brain completely short-circuited. Scaramouche was kissing him? On his own accord? As the other finished the kiss, Kazuha remained frozen where he stood. The cigarette still burning in between his fingers.

Scaramouche said nothing. He just left. Kazuha was left standing.

༺ ⛧ ༻

Kazuha lay awake most of the night.

Some people could drink and then drift off the moment they lay in bed. Kazuha could usually make due but in normal cases, his alleged crush (who most definitely wasn’t a crush) hadn’t kissed him.

Scaramouche had kissed him and then walked away, leaving Kazuha standing there, blinking as shock froze him in place.

Scaramouche had kissed him, which should be a good thing. Instead, Kazuha couldn’t help but ponder if Scaramouche just couldn’t stand Kazuha mocking him. If it was all a rouse and Scaramouche still saw no use for Kazuha besides his potential as a mage. A try to get on his good side. Bring him over to his side and make him his friend. One more mage to the pretty selection.

But with a kiss?

It was a low blow. Letting Scaramouche kiss him and then allow him to leave without a word was way worse than the rejection he’d faced when Scaramouche turned away.

When Scaramouche turned, Kazuha could have played it off as a joke. “I knew you’d turn so it was okay” - kind of vibe. He’d known Scaramouche would turn. There was never another alternative.

No. Instead, Scaramouche kissed him. And Kazuha let him.

How was he supposed to act indifferent and annoyed with him now?

But Scaramouche did know already, didn’t he?

“I’ve seen how you look at me, Kaedehara,” he’d said. Maybe he didn’t know know, but he at least suspected it. Perhaps Kazuha’s defensive ways of interacting with him only made potential feelings even more believable.

And then it was that addictive way Scaramouche always said his name.

Kazuha had to stop himself. There were no feelings involved. Whatever existed was a mild attraction. He couldn’t lie to himself about that because the guy was beautiful.

Kazuha was attracted to him. That was it. Concerning the guy himself, there was nothing to like.

Kazuha had rejoined the ones still playing but it wasn’t the same as before. His mind had been swimming with thoughts of how and why. It prompted him to leave not long after.

He was glad it had been Friday night. He didn’t want to be forced to meet Scaramouche the following day. Not the day after either. It wasn’t until Monday, back in school that Kazuha saw him again.

It wasn’t like they met. Nothing like that, but he was in the classroom and that was distracting enough. Not to mention, as the clock struck and the day was over, what was Kazuha to do?

He could pretend like nothing had happened and join Scaramouche on their way to their usual study session. If Scaramouche too would pretend like nothing had happened.

What if he didn’t and wanted Kazuha to be anywhere but near him?

As the day was over, Kazuha remained in his seat. It didn’t take long until someone came for him.

Unfortunately, that someone was Scaramouche.

The good news was that he did pretend like nothing happened. At least that was what Kazuha suspected judging by his “Are you going to sit here all day?”

Scaramouche asked him to join him and Kazuha knew he had little choice. Trying to get out of it with bad excuses would not make it look better.

The walk there was quiet and their time studying was too. It wasn’t unusual but the silence was so incredibly heavy and loud that Kazuha moved away from Scaramouche quicker than he usually did.

He’d managed to sit opposite him for a while, pondering if getting up was the right decision or not. Then he had no choice but to move. His whole body urged him to move away.

Kazuha sat down at another table and opened his book on infusion back up. Despite his preoccupied mind, he still managed better than before. It came to him easier than it had last time they were here.

The water flowed effortlessly. It was almost like he was a mage specified in water and not air. He wanted to take it further. Try other elements. He’d have to do that later.

Kazuha dropped the water back into its container before hiding his head in his hands.

He was tired.

The chair next to him scraped against the floor as it was dragged out. Kazuha didn’t have to look to know that Scaramouche had joined him.

Scaramouche said nothing.

It was all quiet.

Deafeningly so. 

Kazuha dared turn his head slightly so he could look at the other. Scaramouche was already looking at Kazuha. Nothing else. He didn’t even look away as their eyes met.

It was a beautiful blue.

Scaramouche eventually tore his gaze from Kazuha. Instead watching his fidgeting hands.

“About that kiss…” Scaramouche eventually mumbled.

Kazuha dropped his hands to the table with a sigh.

“It was nothing,” he explained. What choice did he have?

He glanced at Scaramouche again. Despite his distant demeanour, a smile had formed on his lips. Just a small one. A hesitant one.

“Are you lying?”

Kazuha swallowed. He knew it’d be like this. Scaramouche knew what he’d done when he kissed Kazuha. His trap was laid and now it would close, trapping Kazuha inside.

“Does it matter?” Kazuha questioned. “I don’t think it’s appropriate for a mage like me nor you to ponder the question. It’s just all about blood and visions.”

Nothing else. Nothing more. It wasn’t just Kazuha. Any mage knew their family would decline if they didn’t perform their duties.

Kazuha didn’t even like kids.

He sighed again, allowing himself to smile wide at the irony of it all.

“Why? Does it matter to you?” he asked instead, facing Scaramouche. He’d brought on the topic. It was only fair that Kazuha could ask the same of him.

Scaramouche met his gaze again. He seemed to ponder the question but no answer came. Instead, he turned his head away.

Kazuha only stared at him.

What the —

“Holy shit,” Kazuha swore. “You actually care about it?”

Scaramouche didn’t look at him. He looked anywhere but. He didn’t say a word in his defence.

“You wanted to kiss me, didn’t you?” Kazuha had to keep himself from laughing. This was surreal. The shy blush said it all. Scaramouche cared and he was blushing about it!

Kazuha had to collect himself. If he pushed Scaramouche too hard, he might retract into his shell.

Kazuha didn’t want that. Not after this newfound discovery.

He leaned closer, which made Scaramouche dare a shy glance at him again.

“Want to kiss me again to make sure?”

Scaramouche’s gaze flickered to Kazuha’s lips. His own mouth was slightly parted. Maybe he wanted to say something. Maybe he couldn’t. Eventually, he swallowed and nodded.

Kazuha had been teasing, but now, he realized he was no better. He could feel his cheeks redden and his pulse quicken.

Scaramouche wanted to kiss him again.

Kazuha had been thinking about their kiss ever since it happened. Here he was, offering Scaramouche to kiss him again. That was a contradiction to his thoughts that he chose to ignore. Instead, he pushed his chair closer to the other who now actually dared look back at him.

Kazuha, taking the initiative, slowly not to startle him, allowed his hand to travel up Scaramouche’s neck and up his cheek. Then, without wasting any more time, he leaned close enough for their lips to touch.

This time Kazuha was the one in control. The situation was within his grasp. The first kiss had been chaste and to Kazuha, full of uncertainty. This time, they kissed because they wished to. Because a mutual want had made their lips lock once more.

It was soft and sweet. Just an innocent kiss. When they broke apart Kazuha faced that deep blue once more.

“So… did that kiss mean anything or —?”

“Just shut up,” Scaramouche breathed before pulling Kazuha close once more.

༺ ⛧ ༻

Scaramouche kissed him often.

Kazuha even looked forward to that stupid study session from hell only for the two of them to be alone.

And Kazuha preferred them alone. Not only because Scaramouche practically threatened to strike him down with lightning if someone ever found out. No, it was the way Scaramouche finally dared let his guard down and drop the Raiden heir act.

In a way, just like Kazuha dropped his own heritage when he blended into the human society.

Beneath that confident and tough exterior, Scaramouche was just a guy. He was still snarky and proud but there was also the part of him that was kind and surprisingly gentle.

Kazuha noticed in the way he’d touch him. Take his hand or caress his skin. The way he reacted to Kazuha’s own affection or touch. To Kazuha, it was clear that Scaramouche spoke a lot of words with his hands. Words he didn’t dare speak with his lips.

That was okay. Kazuha didn’t spew roses in his honour at every chance he got anyway. He also preferred the other's lips on his own.

Although he learned a lot about Scaramouche, like his preferred foods or drinks, or that he enjoyed the company of animals, Kazuha could not allow himself to fully submit to whatever they were up to.

It was all secret. They moved forward so slowly that Kazuha almost believed they didn’t.

They’d been staying at the dojo, which the Kaedehara had lived in for centuries when Scaramouche for the first time clearly voiced his concern.

Kazuha's father was at home and they had locked themselves in Kazuha’s room pretending to study. Though, at the time, they were.

At least they both tried to read.

Kazuha lay with his head in the other lap while Scaramouche continued to run his fingers through Kazuha’s hair. It almost made him drift off between the lines.

“Kazuha?”

He hummed in reply.

“Do you like me although I’m a guy?”

Kazuha tore his gaze from the page to look up at Scaramouche. He kept his gaze on his textbook seemingly unwilling to face Kazuha when he would answer.

“Isn’t that obvious?” Kazuha questioned.

Scaramouche furrowed his brows, seemingly having a hard time understanding.

Kazuha didn’t understand what had brought it up. It had been weeks since their first kiss and the start of secret meetings disguised as study sessions. Feather light touches when no one could see. Time together that Kazuha had appreciated more than anything. The time to get to know Scaramouche and slowly fall for him meant a lot to him.

Sure, he still didn’t like his family but neither did Scaramouche. He took pride in his position, but his mother was a handful. Kazuha would know. Even if Ei, in front of Kazuha, had seemed nothing like a bad mother. Things were seldom as they seemed.

Scaramouche bit his lip, pondering what to say. He’d put the book down and the fingers in Kazuha’s hair had lost its previous engagement. The strokes across his scalp were slow. It was evident Scaramouche had lost focus.

“Have you,” Scaramouche swallowed, ”always known you liked guys?” His voice was unsteady but determined. Genuinely curious.

Kazuha sighed, turning to lay on his shoulder instead of his back. He wanted to wrap his arms around the other's torso and hide his face in his shirt.

He didn’t. He seldom initiated anything. It didn’t matter how many kisses they shared. Scaramouche was hesitating, and sometimes, he said something like this. Something that made Kazuha anxious. He usually found another way around it, asking if what they did was okay or something similar. Never like this.

“I don’t remember really, but I suppose so. I’ve never been attracted to girls I guess.”

His answer was followed by silence. If it wasn’t for the fact that Scaramouche once more started moving his fingers in Kazuha’s hair, he’d truly feel discouraged.

It wasn’t really the first time the fact that they were both guys was spoken of. To Kazuha, that detail meant nothing but the other's ability to bring the subject up more than once was something Kazuha noted.

“Does it matter if I’m a guy or a girl?” He questioned; not sure he wanted an honest answer.

Scaramouche didn’t answer.

༺ ⛧ ༻

Scaramouche pushed Kazuha back against the wall, straddling him, kissing him hard.

Kazuha was fine with meeting Scaramouche in silence but that did nothing for how his emotions for the other boy constantly grew. No matter how he tried not to give in to it, especially with the uncertainty Scaramouche could display from time to time, Kazuha only fell harder every day.

Every kiss was intoxicating. His lips slotted so well between his own. His tongue danced slowly with his own in a rhythm that was nothing but natural. Kazuha couldn’t even bother to be annoyed by his snarky remarks and backhanded ways of giving compliments. It was part of who he was, wasn’t it?

Maybe he even liked it? Kazuha wasn’t proud of it and he tried his best to deny it but with time, it became harder.

Kazuha felt like he’d drunk a bad potion. The two of them kissed… a lot. They spent a lot of time together and were always touching in some way. Holding hands, touching the other's hair, or resting against their shoulder. Kazuha couldn’t have a single sane thought in his head with Scaramouche around.

Kazuha angled Scaramouche’s face to the side, kissing the corner of his mouth. Then his jaw. And his neck.

“I’m in love with you,” he murmured between kisses, a smile dancing across his lips.

Before he could kiss his jaw again, Scaramouche had pushed him an arm's length away, keeping the two apart.

“What?”

What?

Kazuha’s smile faded as the other quickly got up, almost hurried to pick up his books from where they’d previously studied on the floor.

“No, no, no,” Scaramouche voiced before stopping and once more facing Kazuha directly, “what we’ve been up to has been fun and all but…”

Kazuha didn’t dare move. He’d thought they were fine? He genuinely thought Scaramouche loved him too. He thought Scaramouche didn’t care for all those stupid rules. Why the hell had they been continuing like this if he did?

“I’m not like you, I don’t like… guys.” Scaramouche took a deep breath like the words were distasteful in his mouth. “I am not gay.”

Kazuha swallowed, his throat dry. He was about to comment on how all the kisses they’d shared spoke the opposite, but the other continued before he could will his words.

“Not to mention, even if I was, I wouldn’t get together with someone like you of course.”

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t honestly believe a mage from a clan like yours could measure up, do you Kaedehara?”

Kazuha had no words to help him. Nothing to say in his defence or otherwise. A clan like his? That Scaramouche couldn’t be with someone like him?

Scaramouche threw his bag over his shoulder. “It’s been fun Kaedehara, but that’s all it was.” And with that, he left the room to find his own way out.

Kazuha remained where he was. Just a second ago, he’d felt the other's warmth in his hands, and just like how everything was natural with Scaramouche, so were Kazuha’s feelings towards him. The words had rolled off his tongue like it was the most natural thing in the world. Oh, how wrong he’d been.

Scaramouche didn’t care. Not at all. He thought to waste some time with a mage he thought so low of just for fun it would seem. Kazuha knew Scaramouche had no interest in him besides what he’d done that day in the duel. He’d said it many times.

So why did he believe otherwise?

Kazuha had fallen for the oldest trick in the book and to be fair, he should have seen it coming. What he hadn’t expected was how Scaramouche could make it sound like Kazuha was so — detestable?

He’d said the word gay like it was poison. Like Kazuha’s sexuality was an insult. Disgusting.

He couldn’t bear moving. His stomach had turned and his heart rate quickened. It hurt. His whole being seemed to scream. To tear at his skin in agony. Kazuha had no idea he put himself out there, exposing himself in a matter that made him want nothing but to retract back into the comfort of his own body.

No one had ever made him feel so ashamed of who he was before. So unwanted.

It wasn’t like him not to fight back and stand up for himself. He’d done that all his life growing up as the last of his clan. Everyone had looked at him expecting nothing. Their clan wasn’t what they used to be, keeping their status only due to history. Not their later achievements. There was none.

That was what Scaramouche had meant. A failing bloodline with no promise for a future at all. Part of it was that Kazuha liked guys. He cared little for marriage for the sake of having children. He cared little for the mages at all, hiding among the common humans like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Of course, someone like Scaramouche looked down at him.

Kazuha closed his arms across his chest. He hated this feeling. He hadn’t asked for this pain.

He hadn’t asked for any of this.

༺ ⛧ ༻

It was easy to shut Scaramouche out. Kazuha had done that before. He’d done it a long time.

He’d taken that afternoon to grieve. Not Scaramouche not loving him, perhaps not even liking him at all, but instead his fight with himself. He’d taken that weakness and nurtured it. Befriended himself again.

It didn’t matter that Scaramouche thought him distasteful. He was a Raiden and that family was never a good idea. Kazuha had told himself so many times. Who was he to decide Kazuha’s worth? Who was anyone but himself?

Therefore it was easy to shut him out. It wasn’t like they’d been friends to begin with. After school, he could get up and leave with his friends, not wait for Scaramouche and have to lie about the club activities. That had dragged along for far too long anyway. Heizou thought they were secretly seeing each other and although it was true, it meant nothing now. It hadn’t been real anyway.

Almost a week after Scaramouche’s rejection Kazuha walked home alone. While he had his secret club of mages, so did his friends have club activities too. How he had wished he could join a sports team too instead of playing pretend with all the other mages around him.

It was exhausting to lie all the time.

Deep in thought, Kazuha didn’t register the other guy before it was too late. Scaramouche took his arm, forcing him to halt.

Kazuha was surprised to see him. It wasn’t like the other had made a show of how much he liked his company after all. Rather the opposite.

“What have you done?” He asked in a harsh tone. No hi or hello. Simply “What have you done?”

Kazuha had no answer to that. He had no idea what the other was on about.

Scaramouche rolled his eyes. “Don’t play stupid Kaedehara, I know this is your fault,” he muttered, waiting for Kazuha to explain. When he didn’t, he sighed in frustration.

“My magic Kazuha! Ever since I left your home that evening it has all gone to shit. I can’t do anything and even easy spells backfire.”

“Must be something wrong with you I suppose,” Kazuha answered nonchalantly. Kazuha already knew there was something wrong with someone that arrogant, but he refrained from saying so.

“Nothing is fucking wrong with me,” Scaramouche swore. He started walking, dragging Kazuha with him.

“I don’t really want to go anywhere with you,” Kazuha stated but did not stop the other from dragging him along.

“I don’t care. I know this is your fault and I’m going to drag you in front of the priestess to prove it.”

Oh.

The priestess was a mage with deep knowledge and power. She could be seen as a healer. A knower of all. She was the backbone of a community like this. She was an impressive lady and Kazuha liked that her role made her impaired to pick a side.

Kazuha would comply with this, but he would walk on his own, pulling his arm free from the other's grip. He didn’t want to feel his hand on his arm. In truth, he wanted nothing to do with him at all, but going to the priestess to prove he’d done nothing wrong was a small price to pay.

Kazuha had only been up the mountain twice before and every time it was in the company of many others. He’d never gone “alone” like this before. Scaramouche wasn’t one for walking in vain either but the teleportation spell he cast only got them about halfway. And not on the path either, having to crawl out of the bushes. Kazuha wouldn’t do the spell. He liked walking.

Scaramouche swore the entire walk up after that. When Kazuha claimed he’d cast the spell poorly, he gave him a look that could kill. Kazuha wasn’t exactly making things better for himself but he wasn’t the one forcing someone up a mountain to prove a point that was absolutely rubbish. A ridiculous walk to prove a ridiculous point.

Kazuha knew there were rituals to visiting the shrine. A show of respect. A certain way to announce their greeting. He was left staring in disbelief as Scaramouche lazily kicked the door open and announced his presence aloud.

“Didn’t take you long,” came a voice from the dark. It seemed to materialise and not before long the priestess had emerged from nothing but air. A haze of purple in her wake.

Kazuha had never seen the woman this close. She was taller than he remembered. Her aura up close was menacing. He knew she was a cunning creature but with only a few meters to keep them apart, he could truly feel it. Despite it, he knew he didn’t have to fear her. The priestess, if anyone, was an ally to every mage.

“Well, my magic doesn’t work, and it feels like I’m crumbling from the inside, so I feel like I have the right to be urgent. Now,” Scaramouche turned and gestured to Kazuha, “take one look at him and say he isn’t the one who cursed me.”

Finally, Kazuha thought.

The priestess followed Scaramouche’s gesture, her violet eyes piercing him where he stood. Her fox ears shook once and Kazuha believed that, only for a second, her eyes shone too. Then she nodded.

“He’s the one, there is no doubt.”

Kazuha had no second to object before Scaramouche took a strong grip on his hoodie and pulled him closer. “No point in playing dumb now Kaedehara. Now tell me what you’ve done to me!”

Kazuha shook his head. “It must be a misunderstanding,” he tried knowing well how his statement undermined the priestess's power. He didn’t mean to, but this was unbelievable. He hadn’t done anything! He didn’t even know how to curse someone, he was an elementalist for Archon's sake.

Yae stepped closer, seemingly inspecting Kazuha further. Scaramouche never let his dark gaze leave Kazuha.

“Stop threatening the boy Scaramouche. He’s not lying. He doesn’t know.”

Scaramouche did let Kazuha go. His anger was evident.

“What do you mean he doesn’t know? How can he not know!?”

Yae tilted his head to the side. “You must know cursed are delicate things Scara. They might be carefully thought of in order to bring harm, or a simple accident if conditions are met.”

She said the last words looking at Kazuha. Almost like he was supposed to understand what that meant.

He didn’t. He still couldn’t comprehend how he was responsible. At the same time, he held full faith in the priestess. If she said he’d done it, then he believed it. He just couldn't fathom how.

“Maybe you’re just that unlucky,” Yae chided before turning away from the two. She didn’t move far. Just far enough to give them space.

Maybe she truly knew why just by looking at Kazuha because suddenly, he did. He knew what he’d done. Scaramouche noticed that too.

“Out with it,” he demanded.

Kazuha glanced at the priestess who gave him a silent nod. He wasn’t sure how she knew, but that was all the confirmation he needed. Not that he wanted to say it aloud.

“Kaedehara.” A last warning.

Kazuha sighed deeply. “Seven years of bad luck if you ever break my heart.”

That was it. That was what he’d said that day in the classroom when Scaramouche struck up a conversation between the two. It wasn’t like Kazuha had been serious. The words hadn’t been laced with poison. It was a joke.

Scaramouche had gone pale, too stunned to speak. Kazuha didn’t dare face him. It was bad enough that Scaramouche had outright refused him that day. Now magic had to make it worse.

He hated being a mage.

“Are you fucking serious?!” Scaramouche snarled. “How the hell did I break your heart?”

“Well, it hurt,” Kazuha snapped back. What was done was done. Who was he to deny it? He’d told Scaramouche that he loved him and he —

Scaramouche was furious but he didn’t talk back. He knew what he’d done. Scaramouche had, in any way Kazuha could see it, cursed himself.

With the two boys silent and locked into a staring contest, Yae came back.

“Remove it,” Scaramouche demanded.

“I don’t know how,” Kazuha argued back. He didn’t even know he’d cursed him to begin with, how was he supposed to reverse it?

“Then you must be able to do something,” Scaramouche tried, turning to Yae but to his disappointment, she shook her head.

“Curses are, as I said, not easy to deal with. Me doing something might just make it worse. Since it’s accidental I’m afraid there isn’t much to do as of now. Little research has been done on the subject.”

Neither said anything. Eventually, Kazuha turned to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“You can’t just leave, you have to fix this!” Scaramouche called after him.

“You cursed yourself,” Kazuha muttered but he was sure the other could hear. Either way, Scaramouche didn’t stop him again.

༺ ⛧ ༻

Kazuha supposed it was naive to think Scaramouche would leave him alone. He intercepted him on the way to the classroom.

“You can’t just leave me like this,” he argued.

“I’m pretty sure I can,” Kazuha argued back. He wasn’t the one who was in this predicament because he couldn’t accept which gender the other preferred. Cause that was all it was. Scaramouche had enjoyed their time together. Kazuha was a mage. He knew. Scaramouche was in this situation because he may or may not actually like him although being a guy too? It was laughable.

Scaramouche got in his way again.

“Please Kaedehara. We don’t have to deal with the curse right now, I just need your help to keep it a secret.”

More secrets. But Kazuha couldn’t help but agree with Scaramouche. He didn’t want this to be common knowledge. If the curse was revealed, then everyone would know about them. According to Scaramouche, there was no them, so his reasoning was fair after all.

When Kazuha didn’t respond but neither did he leave, Scaramouche continued.

“My mother gives me certain tests to pass once in a while. It’s her way of assessing my abilities and if it’s on par with what she expects of me. As I am now, I can’t do it.”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“Just help me would you? Just enough to pass.”

Kazuha clenched his jaw. He didn’t know what this entitled but he suspected he would have to learn something he hadn’t tried before. Something way above his level of skill.

“You’re the only one that can do it Kazuha.”

Because he was the only one who knew. Not because he was a good magician. He nodded nonetheless.

Scaramouche only sighed in relief and they parted without a word. They walked home to Scaramouche in silence too. Not until they reached the library did Scaramouche explain what kind of magic he needed Kazuha to perform in his stead. It wasn’t easy stuff. It didn’t make it easier that he needed to make it look like Scaramouche was the one doing it.

Scaramouche wasn’t a bad instructor. Kazuha could see how much this meant for him and with his own magic backfiring more often than not, he could see why.

One day when Kazuha could not uphold the standard Scaramouche was searching for, he could hear him mumble to himself in anger about how this was all bullshit. Fuck his magic and fuck that damned curse but most of all fuck you Kaedehara Kazuha. 

Kazuha never said anything on the matter. He could understand that the other was angry. He shouldn’t get punished for not loving him. However, that wouldn’t lessen the pain in his chest. This whole circus made nothing better.

Scaramouche ran his fingers from Kazuha’s chest, up his shoulder, to his elbow, and finally out to his hand. They’d practiced this motion a dozen times already but according to Scaramouche, Kazuha still didn’t get it. He couldn’t feel lightning like he did wind. Controlling lightning with wind was out of the question.

Kazuha did it again on his own and although he managed to create lightning, he could only feel it in his fingertips, dancing across his outstretched hand.

Scaramouche sighed loudly and walked away.

“Just leave me alone for a while, I’ll get it when you stop sighing all the time.”

“The test is at the end of the week,” Scaramouche countered. Kazuha was well aware. He had to control lightning to a much bigger extent until then. “We’ll never be ready until then.”

“It’s still four days to go,” Kazuha tried, not sure why he went out of his way to comfort the other. Scaramouche didn’t acknowledge him anyway. Scaramouche didn’t listen.

“I’m fucked,” he concluded.

Kazuha rolled his eyes and tried to focus again.

”I’m so fucked. Mom will notice something is up and she will demand an explanation and then it will come out that —“

“What!? That you enjoyed spending time with me? Just tell her the truth, that the feelings weren’t mutual for Archon's sake.” Kazuha didn’t want it to come out either but his patience was running thin.

“As if that would help. I’ve still entertained the thought with a guy.”

There it was again. Kazuha was so sick and tired of being reminded of the fact that Scaramouche saw Kazuha as inferior for liking boys. Lightning cracked at his arm and in the next second it shot out like real bolts of lightning. The target he’d been trying to hit for a few days now were split in two.

“That was… not bad,” Scaramouche admitted. “But that was a lot of raw power and not enough of — hey, where are you going?”

Kazuha was halfway out of the room, bag thrown over his shoulder.

“Home.”

“Already? We barely just got here and we haven’t even started looking into curses.” Scaramouche said and Kazuha turned slightly. He knew all the things they hadn’t done.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I don’t like being around you, so you can do that research on your own.”

“Isn’t that the whole point? Aren’t we in this situation simply because you do like being around me?” Scaramouche countered. It was enough to make Kazuha slow down momentarily. Enough to look back properly.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Kazuha said, leaving without a second thought.

༺ ⛧ ༻

Kazuha showed up willingly two days later. He might have ignored Scaramouche’s texts and attempts to meet at school but that didn’t mean he had neglected him fully.

He’d practised his ability to wield lightning. It was in no way what he guessed Scaramouche was capable of, but he did consider himself to be good enough to pretend to be Scaramouche on a bad day.

Joining him, he also dumped a book and a notebook on the table. He’d read up on curses but come out empty-handed. He’d made some notes and annotations but it wasn’t helpful. If Scaramouche was grateful, he didn’t show. Instead, they moved on to practising how to make it look like Scaramouche was the one doing the magic. It wasn’t easy but they refrained from arguing. Scaramouche had also — somehow — managed to get Yae Miko in on it too. When Kazuha asked why she couldn’t just help him fake it, Scaramouche rolled his eyes.

They managed to practice and stay sane. On the day of the test, they also managed to pull the stunt off. Yea’s part mostly consisted of keeping Kazuha hidden. The magic was left up to him. He only fucked up once and Scaramouche was quick enough to cover for himself. The difference between their attacks wasn’t that noticeable in Scaramouche’s state. It was the first time Kazuha saw him practice any magic at all since he heard of the curse.

He’d never really seen the other do magic up close. He’d only heard the rumours. Ayato had told him once that he’d been more than impressed. What Scaramouche did now was… average. Not much better than Kazuha.

Scaramouche hadn’t glanced in Kazuha’s direction a single time. Especially not that time. Kazuha knew he was angry. But the way he didn’t move from his position in the room told him he was more than that. He was nervous. His hands opened and closed repeatedly, and his breathing strained. Had that one attack taken that much out of him?

As Ei stepped forward, it made Kazuha aware of his own presence. The priestess was just as ancient as their leader, he trusted her spell to keep him hidden. Nonetheless, he made sure to not make any sound or make his magic noticeable. If he was discovered this whole play pretend would be too.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked, taking Scaramouche’s wrists in her hands. “Are you not feeling well?”

Scaramouche, ignoring her worry, raised his gaze. “Was it that bad?”

“It wasn’t necessarily bad. It just didn’t feel like your usual self. Not to mention, you’re out of breath and your body tight,” she explained as she moved her hands up his arms, squeezed his shoulders, and checked the temperature on his forehead. “You feel dimmed,” she concluded before turning to the other woman.

“Yae, you have a look at him. His magic circuits in particular.” Ei stepped aside to let Yae pass. She and Scaramouche exchanged a gaze Kazuha couldn’t interpret. Yae had helped them, but would she lie for their sake?

She touched his forehead first, then his chest. Eventually, she shook her head. “They’re damaged.”

“What do you mean?”

“The circuits. They are clearly damaged.”

Scaramouche of course had no answer why. Yae provided the option of exhaustion. Maybe with some rest, he’d be as good as new? Ei doubted damaged circuits were like the common human cold, but did not pester him further.

They’d bought some time, but what did that do?

They had no choice but to continue to look for a solution. The enormous library suddenly wasn’t big enough anymore. They did not speak if not necessary. If Scaramouche showed up by the shelves Kazuha was searching, Kazuha moved away. He helped out of his kindness now. In his opinion, Scaramouche had still cursed himself but yeah, he’d put the conditions there. He couldn’t curse the other mage further for not loving him.

He was annoyed with him, yes, but mostly it was just hard. It was hard to be in the same room as the other without touching him. He missed his lips and the laughter that seemed reserved just for him. He missed the guy Scaramouche had been with him. Not the son and heir to the Raiden clan.

“There’s nothing,” he concluded one day. He was tired of this. Tired of research. Tired of pining for the one guy he couldn’t have. Tired of sharing that space with him. He couldn’t pretend to be friends. Not that Scaramouche wanted that. He still blamed Kazuha wholeheartedly for his predicament.

Kazuha once more stopped joining Scaramouche for the mansion after school. He went back to hanging out with his friends after school. He studied with Ayaka and Yoimiya again. It didn’t take his father a long time to notice the change. Kazuha was always home when he returned from work. Kazuha explained saying the two just weren’t that good friends.

He’d thought his father would remark on the opportunity, but there was nothing. Good. Kazuha didn’t want to talk about it. Not with him.

༺ ⛧ ༻

The ship lay still by the harbour. It was late, no one would see him jump onboard from where he stood. Ayaka would scold him but Kazuha didn’t care.

“Look what the wind blew onto my ship!”

Beidou, who’d been waiting for him, passed the bottle to him before he’d made himself comfortable beside her. He gladly took it.

Beidou, captain of the Crux was the closest he had to family besides his father. She was a simple business woman and Kazuha had met her by mere chance. That accidental meeting and how she became the one selling him the shit he smoked was quite the old tale by now.

She’d been away for too long this time. He hadn’t known who to talk to.

“I’m glad you’re back,” he admitted, handing the bottle back. She instead, passed him the join she lit at his arrival.

“A few tough weeks?” She questioned to which he could only snort. It piqued her interest, which he knew it would, and with that, he could get on with telling her everything. She’d left a few days after the duel, but he hadn’t had the time to tell her anything about it yet. She’d been busy doing actual work and he — according to her — had better things to do than run around here. That was a lie of course, but they could always pretend she was a good influence and he a perfect student.

Beidou knew everything about him. Even that he was a mage. Telling a human about the fact that mages existed was a serious crime. That made cursing Scaramouche look like nothing. Her knowing was a risk to both their lives. In the best-case scenario, she would get her memories deleted. That was never a bulletproof method. Not to mention, it could result in serious consequences. Neither was planning to get found out anyway, so they never bothered worrying.

To be fair, Kazuha was more worried his father would find out about the weed.

“What would happen if you got found out?” Beidou asked after listening quietly to his story.

“About the curse or that I’m gay?”

She gave him a serious gaze, so Kazuha quit the joking. Instead, he shrugged. “I’ll be disowned I guess.”

“You’re hardly to blame for this,” Beidou argued and although Kazuha wanted to agree, and did, he doubted anyone else would see it like that. Not when Scaramouche, the heir, had his magic ruined. All that power and now he couldn’t use it.

“Can’t he just live with it? It’s only seven years after all. Doesn’t your kind live a very long life?”

Kazuha shook his head. It depended on the mage. It was true they lived longer and had stronger and healthier bodies, but it wasn’t a guarantee for living thousands of years.

Kazuha sighed deeply. “Take me with you won’t you?”

Beidou laughed. “I sure could have used someone able to turn the winds around for the ship but I think we both know that ain’t happening anytime soon.”

No, cause Kazuha couldn’t just leave. He couldn’t just ditch school. Nor his duties as a mage.

Kazuha took another sip of the bottle. It probably couldn’t get any worse than this.

༺ ⛧ ༻

“Just because I can’t use my magic doesn’t mean you can’t.”

“Study after school?”

“Yae gave me some ideas on how to research curses, join me?”

“Wanna study?”

“Are you free after school?”

Scaramouche had tried to reach out. Kazuha ignored it. He’d told the others there was nothing between them and he supposed they understood. They hadn’t asked about the details.

Kazuha couldn’t understand what was wrong with Scaramouche these days. He’d been his usual cold self when they last met. Had he figured researching curses on his own was boring? Kazuha didn’t care. He was busy moving on. Past mistakes would be just that. Past mistakes.

The last thing he expected to see was Scaramouche waiting for him outside the classroom one afternoon. Kazuha would have walked on if not for Heizou giving him a look that said they’d give them some time. Kazuha therefore stayed. Scaramouche’s watchful gaze followed his two friends until they were out of sight.

“Got something better to do?”

“Excuse me?”

Scaramouche rolled his eyes, pulling Kazuha aside. “You’re so busy playing human, isn’t it exhausting?”

“And what about you? Is being unbearable a constant state of mind or do you have to try?”

Scaramouche didn’t answer that. Instead, he pushed Kazuha against the wall, blocking his escape.

“You haven’t answered any of my texts,” he said, leaning closer to Kazuha.

Kazuha swallowed hard. The smell of him was so familiar. Comforting. It made his answer delay.

“I didn’t want to talk.” It was the truth.

“No, 'cause you’re so busy with the humans, aren’t you?” Scaramouche asked, his lips ghosting over Kazuha’s.

Scaramouche’s unexpected jealousy brought Kazuha to his senses. He turned his head away. “What are you doing?”

The other mage turned his face back to his own. “I thought you wanted this?” He asked quietly.

Yes. And with his lips that close it became hard to say otherwise. Still, Kazuha tore himself from his luring blue.

“I told you how I felt and you shut me out.”

Kazuha had no time for this. If Scaramouche couldn’t face the consequences of them being together, and then, indirectly, offending Kazuha for knowing what he wanted, then he could fuck off. Kazuha stepped aside, leaving this charade behind him.

“Please don’t go.”

Scaramouche had caught his arm. The grip was loose, but it was enough for Kazuha to stop. It was the words he’d wanted to speak that day in his bedroom. Was there even something he could have said for Scaramouche to stay back then? Or something he shouldn’t have said?

Kazuha stood still. He couldn’t force himself to walk away again. Not when his heart still beat so hard for the other.

“I know the responsibilities you ignore as a mage. I have them too.” Kazuha knew that. He knew it all too well. His own responsibilities paled in the face of Scaramouche’s. Of course, he knew that Scaramouche being with a guy like himself was out of the question.

But Kazuha didn’t care. He was in love with him and he hated that Scaramouche couldn’t acknowledge that he too felt something. They hadn’t kissed in secret for weeks for him to pretend like it didn’t mean anything.

Kazuha wouldn’t believe that.

Scaramouche walked around him, once more pressing the two close together. This time his lips touched Kazuha’s although just barely. When Kazuha didn’t stop him he kissed him with more confidence. It wasn’t much but Kazuha had missed his lips on his own. He couldn’t help but give in. If only a little.

“I really do like you Kazuha.”

But you won’t act on it.

You won’t do a thing.

Kazuha tore himself away. He let the other seduce him so easily.

Like him? That wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. Kazuha walked away. This time no one stopped him. This time he wouldn’t turn back. Scaramouche was right. Kazuha could never have him.

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt.

༺ ⛧ ༻

“I propose stripping him of his visions, and cutting off his magic circuits, followed by banishment from the islands.”

A chill travelled down Kazuha’s spine. His father objected beside him.

He hadn’t expected to be standing here. It was the middle of the night and the council’s chamber was empty except for the five present. He and his father. Ei and Yae. Scaramouche was there too but he hadn’t said a word. His pale skin and tired eyes betrayed the pain he was in.

He’d apparently gotten worse during the night. The curse fed on him, consumed him at an alarming rate. Yae had no choice but to tell the truth about his condition. As expected, Ei didn’t believe Kazuha when he said it was an accident. She wore anger like a blanket. It was controlled and just barely touching the surface, but none would claim not to feel her wrath. It was low vibrations in the walls. A slow tremble on the floor. The air itself electric.

Kazuha had been given no chance to explain himself. Ei didn’t want to listen. Kazuha had cursed the wrong mage. It didn’t matter if it was willingly or not. Yae had tried to reason, just like his father now did beside him, but Ei had already decided.

“I’ll go willingly,” Kazuha said which made his father quiet beside him. Even Yae seemed surprised.

Right now, Kazuha would love to be anywhere than here. He had little reason to stay. These islands couldn’t offer him anything. He didn’t even need the life of a mage. In fact, besides the fact that he would let his father down, he’d welcome a life as just Kazuha. A normal human.

“Mom, it’s my fault, he’s not —“ Scaramouche got no further before Ei silenced him with a slap across his face. Scaramouche looked like he’d break from the impact. He was bleeding from his cheekbone. Like his skin was as fragile as porcelain.

Kazuha stepped forward, he wanted to wipe that red away. He wanted to step between anything that could hurt him. His father’s arm stopped him. Instead, he remained where he stood.

“Forgive my manners, but could you perhaps reconsider? Kazuha is the last of our clan, his vision has been passed down for many generations. I’d rather see us die out than be destroyed by hand. Send him away if you must but spare his pride as a mage.” His father was begging on his behalf.

Kazuha wanted to tell him to stop. He wanted it to end.

“If I may say, stripping him of his powers might cause Scaramouche some risk. We can’t be sure how destroying his circuits and visions might affect a curse already put in place.”

That might be true, but Kazuha couldn’t help but feel like she was trying to protect him.

Ei wasn’t happy to hear it and although she pondered the options, she eventually relented. “Very well. He may remain a mage but banishment still stands. I want you out of Inazuma before nightfall tomorrow.”

“Gladly,” Kazuha responded before anyone, including himself, could stop him. Then he turned. This matter was settled. His father’s eyes widened, and he was quick to forgive on his son’s behalf before walking out.

His father caught up with him outside. Kazuha had walked on, anger taking him forward. But eventually, he stopped.

“I’m sorry,” was all he managed to coax out. The lump in his throat threatened to choke him. He had given his father trouble. Scaramouche was in great pain because of him. His punishment was fair. All would be better if he wasn’t here.

The walk home was quiet but before parting for the night, his father assured him he didn’t believe Kazuha had done anything wrong.

It was just about the only reassurance he had, falling asleep to the image of Scaramouche’s bleeding cheek.

༺ ⛧ ༻

The news of his banishment had spread like wildfire. No one knew why, it was simply stated that Kazuha had broken a law. Cursing people was frowned upon but not a law in itself. It was all just a cover to stop questions from being asked. Ei didn’t want questions asked. Not when it concerned her son.

Ayaka, her brother, and Yoimiya couldn’t believe it. Kazuha ended up telling them the truth and it was not a surprise that they believed him. Everyone willing to listen did. Ayato wanted to step up for him and try to speak with Ei. If another powerful family stepped in, she might listen. Kazuha appreciated it but told him it was no use. He didn’t mind leaving.

The hard part was telling Heizou and Tomo that he was leaving. There was no reasonable lie to tell. The school hadn’t ended. His father wasn’t moving. They had to settle with a “because.”

It wasn’t ideal. Nothing was. The only bright side to this was that now Beidou truly could take him from here. And she would. She’d pushed her departure to fit his punishment.

Scaramouche wasn’t at school that day. It didn’t surprise Kazuha. He’d hardly been able to stand on his own the night before, leaning on Yae to remain upright.

How much did he care? Was he in some way glad that Kazuha would leave? He did try to take part of the blame but even if he could coax his mother to hear him out, the outcome would have remained the same.

Kazuha actually believed that Scaramouche liked him. He had no doubts about it. The other was just too afraid to act on it. He would not give in the way Kazuha did and therefore his real feelings didn’t matter.

Kazuha couldn’t have him, but he would take comfort in Scaramouche liking him. It wasn’t love but it would be enough. 

Kazuha packed two bags. One with the books and other magical instruments he couldn’t imagine living without if he were to remain a mage. Perhaps he’d go to England. They had prominent schools in magic and unlike here, they had schools for mages only. Maybe there he’d find people like himself. Mages who wished for a normal life consisting of fewer lies.

The other bag was where he put his personal belongings. He didn’t pack much. Wherever he was going, he would build something new. A few clothes and the trinkets that mattered would have to do.

His goodbyes were brief. He’d forbidden anyone from coming to the docks. He would not watch them as he sailed away. He didn’t mind leaving, but his friends were another matter. He left Heizou and Tomo without an explanation. They were the most upset about him leaving. The ones who knew were understanding. He left them all outside the dojo.

He’d had a lot of time to think about this whole thing. He still didn’t think he was to blame for this. No one was. But he wasn’t sure he regretted it. If he could get the chance to fall in love with Scaramouche once again, he would take it.

Besides the crew, someone else was at the dock. Scaramouche was waiting for him, cigarette between his index and long finger. He was in his black jeans and a dark blue T-shirt. He was so pretty that leaving started to feel unbearable.

He was anxiously shaking one leg. The fingers holding the cigarette were shaking too. He put the cigarette out the second he saw Kazuha.

“You can’t leave,” he blurted out the second Kazuha was close enough. Up close, he could see a tape across his cheek and several white bandages covering up parts of his arms. The cursed marks that spread across his porcelain skin like actual cracks were still visible between the white ribbons.

Kazuha walked past him. He wanted to say he had no choice but they both knew that much. The sun was setting on the horizon. His time here was coming to an end.

“I’m in love with you.”

Kazuha did stop then, turning to look at the other. It was too late for that.

“Of course I love you. That’s why you’re angry with me because you know I love you too. It’s just that I was too afraid to acknowledge it and now it’s too late,

“But I wish it was different, Kazuha. No one gets me like you do. I wish I had told you that I loved you too that day and not freaked out, saying so many mean things to try and mend what I had already done. I deserve this curse because I —“

He couldn’t finish. Instead, he began again.

”I don’t care what she thinks anymore. I love you and if that makes me an unworthy heir then someone else can take that role. I don’t care anymore, it doesn’t even matter if you don’t love me anymore, I just can’t let you leave.”

Kazuha touched his chest, clenching the fabric. Scaramouche was too late, they both knew that, but hearing the words he wanted to hear from him so bad was a relief he didn’t think he’d ever get to experience.

Scaramouche loved him. Maybe that was enough.

“I wish things were different Scaramouche,” Kazuha began, putting his bags down. “And I know you might not believe it but although I’m still to forgive you, I do still love you.”

“You can’t leave.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

Scaramouche took his hand and suddenly the world started spinning. Not until he found himself in a pile of books, seeing that he was, in fact, still in one piece, did he understand that Scaramouche had teleported them away from the docks.

“Are you insane?!” Kazuha exclaimed, watching Scaramouche crawl out of the books. “Teleporting in your condition? We should be lucky we’re alive!”

But Scaramouche laughed. His laugh so joyful that Kazuha couldn’t keep scolding him. He loved that expression on him.

Scaramouche pushed a few books aside and took Kazuha’s face in his hands.

“Did you aim for the library?” Kazuha asked, who recognized the room of Scaramouche’s home.

“No, I didn’t,” Scaramouche admitted. Then he kissed him. Like he meant it. Like he was dying to. Like he loved him.

Kazuha should be on a ship, sailing to leave this island, not kissing the one boy he couldn’t have in his library. Before he could voice any concerns, the door to the library flew up.

Scaramouche and Kazuha pulled apart quickly but they both knew she’d seen them. Kazuha turned his head away trying to look at anything besides Scaramouche or the door or Ei who occupied it. Scaramouche stroked his cheek as he got up from the floor.

Ei said nothing as he made his way up to her.

“You can’t punish Kazuha for something I’ve done to myself.”

Kazuha could see Ei raise an eyebrow. An invite for Scaramouche to explain before she decided what to do with this situation.

Scaramouche explained everything. How he led Kazuha on not understanding his own emotions and when it came to it, he panicked because of the responsibilities he felt toward her and his future role in the society of mages. He didn’t want to let her down and instead, he let Kazuha down prompting this curse to take effect. Something that happened accidentally. Kazuha had never meant to curse him, it rather just happened. Scaramouche lay it all bare without hesitation.

Kazuha was impressed. Under that gaze, he would have trouble standing as tall as Scaramouche did now. In truth, he didn’t look as ill as he did previously either.

Ei stood in silence, contemplating the story her son put forth. Eventually, she also looked over to Kazuha, who at least had done the decency to get up from the floor.

“Okay.”

Okay?

“Just make sure you visit Yae so she can assess the situation with your curse.”

That’s it?

“So, Kazuha can stay?”

Ei crossed her arms. “On the islands? Yes. Consider his previous offence forgotten.” She gave Scaramouche a knowing look.

“The night? No.”

༺ ⛧ ༻

It was hard to explain why he was suddenly to stay. Too hard in fact that Kazuha had to make his friends forget he was ever to leave.

Beidou was happy that he wasn’t coming along and she’d left after hearing his crime wasn’t worth punishment any longer.

Summer break was around the corner and the last few days had been nothing but exams and studying. For Kazuha, that was still a good excuse to do something else. Like spending time with his boyfriend.

Scaramouche was done pretending. As far as anyone could see, the two were a couple. Any chance they could hold hands, they took. It was all he’d ever wanted really. His friends had had their fun, teasing him about how his alleged crush was a real one. “I knew your study sessions were nothing but a facade,” and so on.

Kazuha let them. They were almost right anyway. It was a better excuse than what they actually did. He was still a mage and he would still have to lie to some extent but it was okay now.

Kazuha kissed Scaramouche beneath his left collarbone. He’d unbuttoned his shirt just enough.

“Kazuha.”

“Just give me a second,” Kazuha mumbled, kissing his skin again.

“No, you’ll make me late. Again,” Scaramouche said, pushing Kazuha’s head off him.

“You’re so mean,” Kazuha complained lazily.

“I didn’t ask you to undress me you know. Is it there or not?”

The cursed marks. The ones who, Kazuha learned later, had originated from his heart and spread further up his shoulder and down his arm. Scaramouche had hidden them all this time.

“It’s gone.” Not a single sign of a curse being on him anymore. Scaramouche closed his shirt up again. A shame. Kazuha would rather have kept him here undoing all the buttons.

“We’ve been a couple for four months and only now it’s gone. You’re a terrifying mage.” Scaramouche was only partially joking.

“Maybe if you let me kiss you more often, it would have gone faster?” Kazuha proposed which earned him an eye-roll from the other.

“You wish,” he answered but leaned in to capture Kazuha’s lips in a soft kiss. Ei truly did drill her son hard. It was harder and harder to find time together outside school. Maybe it was on purpose. Scaramouche had told him she wasn’t impressed by the fact that he fell for a guy.

It was whatever. Scaramouche loved him. That was enough.

It would always be enough.