Work Text:
“Well, I know it's kinda late
I hope I didn't wake you
But what I gotta say can't wait
I know you'd understand
Every time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So, I'll have to say "I love you" in a song”
The old song’s lyrics played out of Hermes’ new magical Walkman as he delivered Hermes Express packages that morning. The song reminded him of his relationship with Apollo. The other god often made him short circuit whenever he wanted to tell him his feelings for him. There were far too many attempts on Hermes’ end to say those very important words. All resulting in him losing his courage to bring it up. Sometimes he’d be breathless and forget what he was saying. Apollo had that effect on others. You couldn’t help but feel smaller next to Apollo.
His old iPod shuffle had since been broken and destroyed during the battle with the Giants nearly a year ago. It wasn’t like the music player had been that great, it often skipped tracks. Battery constantly dying on him. Except Hermes couldn’t help missing the device, not because it had sentimental value really. His new Walkman had that. Being a gift from his demigod and immortal kids for his birthday. As well as magically upgraded by Hephaestus to be indestructible and better functioning than the shuffle.
No, it wasn’t the player itself. It was its contents. Hermes couldn’t help but recall as he reshuffled his stack of boxes in his van. Apollo and Dionysus had made him some special music just for him for that device. Dionysus had performed some musical numbers on the tapes. Then spent the rest of the time directing Apollo in his songs.
To be clear, Apollo is an incredible vocalist. He even directs the Nine Muses. Apollo is able to use the full range of the human voice and beyond. Able to capture anything with a musical cadence and rhythm. It’s what makes Apollo’s voice damn irresistible and if unchecked, seriously intoxicating. Apollo with his sound could make you just as drunk as Dionysus’ wine. That’s why as a musical director for Apollo; Dionysus is the best choice. They can tell when Apollo is teetering on the edge of addicting his listeners. Instead of feeling soulful connection, they’d be hypnotized like that of a siren’s song. It’s something Apollo is very insecure about. He won’t openly admit it but he doesn’t want to drag anyone to their death like Poseidon’s creatures once had.
As much as Hermes liked both of his friends’ voices. Dionysus’ Broadway baritone and Aphrodite’s beautiful soprano, Apollo’s voice would always be the one closest to his heart. Alongside his son Pan’s pan flute playing and the soundtrack of his most sacred memories. Aphrodite’s voice could make him feel charmed by her and lustful. Dionysus’ dramatics would often provoke joy and laughter. Wonderful feelings to have from both. Except somehow Apollo’s compositions unlocked emotions in Hermes that he didn’t even know he needed to feel. In other words, Hermes missed Apollo’s voice when he lost his old shuffle. To be honest, he missed the forever young and compassionate god. If only he could write the other god a song with as much meaning as hearing Apollo’s creations were for him. Say how he felt. Except there was a key difference. The aforementioned music from his best friend could ultimately end his life prematurely. Maybe this was all for the best that he had lost those original tracks. Hermes had learned the terrible truth from Aphrodite back in ancient times no less. When all the trouble began…
Flashback:
In ancient times, he and Aphrodite had decided to become good friends after the birth of their child together. Then, Aphrodite had been briefly married to Hephaestus. A matrimony that ended when her and Ares cheated enough for Hephaestus to get their marriage annulled. Afterwards, Aphrodite had been with practically every Olympian male afterwards. All except for Apollo surprisingly.
One time, when they were having one of their casual sleepovers together, he asked her why that is. Being genuinely curious.
Hermes asked, “I know you’re really into Ares. That he’s your main squeeze which is great since Ares adores you. However, I’ve heard amongst the nymphs that you have a bit of a crush on Apollo too. You’re the goddess of Love and Beauty, you could’ve practically anyone you’ve ever wanted. So why not Apollo?”
Aphrodite smiled amusedly at Hermes’ question. Then with a considering glance, she asked him, “What do you see when you look at me? Who’re you attracted to?”
The question knocked Hermes off guard. He sat on her window seat as he pondered how to respond. Aphrodite reapplying her red lipstick in the mirror and brushing through her wavy blonde hair as he sorted through his thoughts.
She said, “I think if Apollo and I had a child, they’d start wars. Our combined beauty, brains, talents, and sophistication would shake up the world. Not to mention destroy Olympus. Everyone would want their hand in marriage. The power they held.
At least with Ares, I get beautiful children and a father that would be more than willing to go to war for them if something like that were to happen. Not that Apollo doesn’t care or isn’t a strong enough warrior, it’s just that civilization could very well be in shambles before either him or I could act. Besides, Apollo, once he finds his true love, is looking to settle down. I’m just getting started. He looks for soulmates. I look for sex.
I need someone with an open mindset about love. Interested in experimenting and pleasure, open relationships, less commitment, and the thrill of it all. If we have children then they can respect my parenting and my choices regarding my body. I will not be their trophy wife, if anything they’ll be mine. They will not and can’t control me. I’m a force of nature that can unravel them from the inside out. They will play by my rules.”
Hermes nodded. Even though she was his friend, he’d never underestimate her. Especially when it came to affairs of love and sex.
Hermes answered, “Apollo will listen to you. Respect you. He’s not going to play by your rules though. Being a god of knowledge like Athena is one of wisdom, he’ll believe that he’ll always know better.”
Aphrodite replied, “That’s why he gets his heartbroken. Why my son Eros doesn’t particularly like him. Eros says he’s practically a perfect package deal; just not really suited for the game of love.”
Hermes said, “Not trying to be disrespectful or anything. So, let me know if this sounds off. It’s just what if you’re a romantic soul? That while sex and love is all well in good; you don’t really want to keep playing the game forever? Maybe you only want romance not sex. Just like those who may want neither (sex and romance) or only want sex. What do you do then? Do you accept that as a participant; you’ve been dealt a losing hand? Can you change and conquer it? Willingly leave?
Apollo doesn’t want to play. He’s a hopeless romantic. I fear he’ll suffer not just out of arrogance but also out of innocence. He believes in love as he recognizes your existence and powers, but he doesn’t want to understand the gamble that love can be. He sees love’s thorns alongside its beautiful blooms but like a child wants to believe in the goodness more than its evils. He knows pain, but he still seeks hope. Consider that.
You asked me who I see when I look at you. Hermes, doing his best to ignore the growing tightness in his chest, continued. The one that has me seeing pink camellias every morning as I rise for the new day. The one that always has me tongue tied. Never being able to find the right words that I desperately need to say. To confess my love.”
Aphrodite looked surprised about his flowers comment. She asked, “What do you mean by seeing flowers?”
Hermes sighed. He should tell her. Maybe she’d understand what all of this meant. Why he had these chest pains and coughed up flowers whenever he was reminded of Apollo. The one Hera’s mirror had said was his romantic soulmate during their autumn ritual with the unmarried deities. Those who hadn’t made vows of chastity and sworn off marriage and romance. He wouldn’t tell her who it was just that he’d been sick. Hiding this from Asclepius, Apollo, and other healers had been hard enough as it was. It’s been going on for a year. He needed answers without revealing his pathetic school boy crush on Apollo. Who better to ask than the goddess of love herself?
He said, “I cough them up whenever I’m reminded of the one I hold affections for. I know this due to their connection with Lady Hera’s mirror tradition and how I view your form. It’s been a year and I have no idea why, how, or what is happening.”
Aphrodite sadly said, “Sweetie, you have Hanahaki Disease. It typically originates in Korea, China, or Japan, not Greece, so it's not well understood here. You’ll cough up these camellias until your beloved returns your romantic affections or with your death. Being an immortal, you’ll probably be poisoned by the curse so badly that it’ll eventually lead you to fade.”
Hermes, trying not to panic, said, “Ok, I’m an alchemist. Maybe I can make a potion to cure me of this. Find someone else to love and they can become my new soulmate. I can weather this storm in the meantime.”
Aphrodite added, “There may be one other way.”
Hermes asked, “Please tell me. I’m not scared of death. Having worked in my Uncle’s realm for so long. I don’t want to go before my time. I don’t want to leave my family behind. Abandon my followers and those in need. Create more pain than necessary.”
Aphrodite sighed. She said, “You can have surgery to remove the plant. Except when you do so, your romantic feelings for your soulmate will disappear. Hermes, if they’re another Olympian, I don’t know how well surgery could work. Our family is messy and omnipresent. It could be easy to catch feelings again. Forgetting them after surgery could be much more complete than losing feelings. You may forget the divinity and their subsequent domains entirely. It would make your job as messenger of the gods among others very tricky if that happened. Surgery is also unpredictable. This disease usually only impacts mortals. You’d be the first immortal. Hermes, just tell me who it is! Maybe Ares and I can convince them to love you temporarily. A fake affair possibly? Enough time for the spell to wear off. I’ll look into it and let you know if it’s possible before we meet with them.”
“Thanks, Dite. I’m still going to consider surgery as a last resort. Thank you for all of your help. For letting me know what to expect.”
They spent the rest of their slumber party dancing to music and gossiping until the sun came up. The beautiful sunrise reminding Hermes only of Apollo. Petals tickling his throat obnoxiously. His throat was throbbing more. The growth of the flowers is becoming more painful. Of all the gods, why did it have to be Apollo? His best friend? One he couldn’t afford to lose. The light in his life. Surgery would make him forget his affections but how could one not remember Apollo? The very embodiment of the sun.
Dionysus told him later that day that Apollo had started seeing someone new. A Spartan prince that he had fallen in love with at first sight.
Hermes tried to be excited for Apollo. He’s happy for him truly. The last thing he wanted was for Apollo to be unable to find the love he was looking for. To finally get out of its wicked games. Except Hermes struggled to keep a genuine grin for the rest of that day. Pranking and stealing were not good enough distractions for his aching heart.
The Present Time:
Hermes had finally finished his morning deliveries. With just enough time to spare so he could do a special favor for his buddy Dio.
Dionysus wanted a special bouquet of red and blue tulips delivered to their wife the fair Ariadne. Red tulips signifying their true love. Blue tulips showing the inner peace that she gave him. The uniqueness, serenity, and trust of their marriage.
With Valentine's Day coming around the corner, Hermes knew he’d be delivering more flowers, gifts, and chocolates to everyone participating in the festivities. His business was sure to pick up. Something he was lowkey thankful for.
More business meant more revenue that he could use toward helping his Uncle H clean up the Styx. In addition to supporting the demigods at both the Roman and Greek camps. When Percy told him to pay his child support, he had taken it seriously. Although, he had already been paying it for years through the fashion company he ran. The company bore his name even. Hiding in plain sight.
He reached Ariadne’s private penthouse in a matter of minutes. Ringing the doorbell and rocking back and forth in the hallway as he waited for her to answer.
It only took a moment or two, with Ariadne lightly blushing as she received her flowers from Hermes’ hands. A sweet cackle escaped from her throat as she read Dionysus’ accompanying love note. Her eyes shone with unshed tears as she admitted that she deeply missed her spouse. That knowing they were thinking of her made things just a bit less painful in their forced marital separation.
She said, “Hermes, thank you. If you see them let them know that I love and think of them always. I wonder if you have a date for Valentine’s? Dio and I know this nice goddess who could be a great date for you. Help you get over Athena.”
Hermes replied, “Thank you my lady for the kind offer. I will be working that night so no need to worry about setting me up with someone.”
Ariadne asked, “Are you sure? Ever since she rejected you publicly on Olympus, you’ve seemed a bit down. Peaky too”, She stated.
Hermes replied, “It’s alright. I appreciate your concern though. To be honest since Athena and May, I haven’t really been all that interested in flirting or anything like that. I think I am good and done.”
She asked, “Really? You’ve almost always been a bachelor. You love kids and have many compared to most gods. I’m just surprised.”
Hermes didn’t want to openly admit that he had given up on trying to use other relationships as a way to get over Apollo. He loved May, even with her not being his soulmate. He liked people he had flings with. Even grew to see some former dates as great friends. He just was tired of playing this love game. Not to mention being unattached and celibate prevented any additional suffering for demigods like his children. He had also accepted Apollo as never going to be interested in him. As hard as that felt, that was okay. They were friends first and foremost. He was lucky enough to have him as a friend.
The flowers still hadn’t stopped appearing in his coughs though. In fact he was pretty sure the plant within his chest was enormous by now. It had been thousands of years of unrequited love. He had been told by a healer that he was inexplicably losing ichor (they didn’t know that he had Hanahaki) at a large rate. That his immortal body was healing him but prolonged loss could lead to severe injury. If he couldn’t keep his godhood through his domains due to such injury, he’d die. At this point, he was certainly considering surgery. It may be his only option left. Adriane’s voice did interrupt his musings when he heard Apollo’s name come up.
Ariadne added, “Dio is worried about Apollo and you being such gloomy Guses. He won’t admit it but it seriously bothers him. We were hoping to set you both up on dates for the Valentine’s Day celebration on Olympus but it looks like Apollo has this intriguing mystery beau. Never met him but apparently he makes Apollo shine. I wonder who he is. Maybe he’s finally the one for Apollo.”
Hermes couldn’t help but think how messed up the situation was. Everyone including Aphrodite was convinced that he was in love with Athena. He wasn’t. He pretended to like her because he was using a supposed crush on her as an excuse to watch her and Zeus’ operations. Athena was the closest to their ruler and had unique insight into the future of Olympus. A deep connection to all of their defensive capabilities, their ongoing wise counsel for both King and Queen not to mention some privileged others, and all important strategic intelligence and war planning going forward. She knew and had access to more sensitive and secretive intel than he ever had as messenger. If he could gain her favor, he could possibly work toward influencing the council to change for the better. Less bloodshed and harming of innocent lives. He just needed access to her files and more information from the higher ups. Information he could use to his advantage and help others with.
He had heard the whispers of Apollo and his allies rebelling against Olympus’ outdated and cruel methods through a full on civil war or mutiny. Don’t get him wrong; Olympus must change. It’s just takeovers in an outside aggressive way never worked out for Hermes. For him, he had to infiltrate and seize influence through the inside. He had to use his cunning and common sense to seize the day since he lacked raw power. He was less a warrior and more a CIA operative in terms of war and rebellion. Something he never advertised because he didn’t want to sow seeds of mistrust. He was also a diplomat as well. His contradictory domains both benefited and were harmed by war. Personally, he didn’t enjoy war due to the casualties and other damage it caused, but he sadly understood why it existed and its desired impacts. No one knows of his plans. That needed to certainly remain the case.
On top of that, He couldn’t help but wonder why everyone assumed he was heterosexual. He’s actually pan. Sure he didn’t advertise his sexuality and gender identity since it wasn’t really anyone’s business except his. Yeah, he seemed more inclined toward women of magic like it was his type. I mean he had dated Hecate, Aphrodite, and Circe briefly. When really he was more a scholar and lover of knowledge, attracted to people who could give him insight into worlds he’d never have known existed. He liked brains and talent as much as beauty.
Ariadne interrupted his meandering thoughts once again by shaking him. His eyes had apparently glazed over while they were talking at her penthouse door.
“Ok, now I can see why Dio is concerned. You’re coming in and resting on the couch. Will see if we can get some ambrosia and nectar into you too.”
Hermes would normally protest but after hearing about Apollo being involved with someone else; the Hanahaki did make him feel like he needed to sit down. It was getting harder to breathe with each passing day.
Ariadne picked up on his breathing problems when he threatened to cough up flowers into his offered teacup.
Ariadne said, “Our demigod child Castor had to use an inhaler for his asthma. I have a few spares in my medicine cabinet. They’re enchanted so they never run out of refills and can adjust in size and shape. I am getting you one.”
While Ariadne stepped out, Hermes called Aphrodite who had been working on the temporary love cure possibility. This illness was really getting out of hand. She quickly picked up as always.
She exclaimed, “Hermes, darling! What’s the latest?”
Hermes couldn’t help but feel cheered by her enthusiasm. It was like their usual gossip filled chats. It made everything feel normal and comfortable as opposed to the reality of him feeling physically tired and sick. It was fun and a much needed distraction.
Hermes said, “Nothing really exciting aside from Apollo having a secret lover. Also plants are threatening to rip apart my godly lungs and throat.”
Aphrodite said, “A confidential lover, ooh. I am sorry to hear you’re still unwell, sweetheart. I honestly thought you had gotten over that flower curse ages ago.”
Hermes sighed. He said tiredly, “Do you know of any new remedies or treatments for this since we last spoke?”
He could feel Aphrodite’s sadness and disappointment through their connection. Bad news it seems.
Aphrodite frustratedly said, “I enlisted all of the other love gods to help me search. Ares and I asked Hecate and some other warlocks and witches for advice. We found nothing. Your love either accepts your confession of romantic feelings and affection or you get surgery to avoid death. Have you had any luck with potions?”
Hermes exasperatedly said, “They only dull my pain for a few days. Keep the plants from growing and sometimes temporarily shrinking them. If I am reminded of my soulmate too often, then the medicine gets overwhelmed by the disease.”
Aphrodite said, “Knowing Athena, she’d never accept your crush. You would have just as much luck as getting Hestia to marry or Artemis to kiss someone. Temporary or false love until the curse ends is off the table too.”
Hermes didn’t say this out loud but he knew temporary or pretend love with Apollo would have never worked. Apollo loved with his whole being and essence. He either wanted you or didn’t. No in between. As for fakery, Apollo’s sincerity as the god of truth would make it incredibly hard for him to put on such an act. Apollo lied best with half truths and dodging questions. Only for a short while in front of others. It wouldn't work well for the long term.
Aphrodite echoed his thoughts, “I just can’t think of another solution.”
Hermes knew what he had to do. He loved Apollo beyond what words were capable of communicating. He didn’t like the prospect of forgetting their bond for thousands of years now. Losing the god that often motivated Hermes to not only do his best but be the greatest he could ever hope to be would be excruciating. Except he had responsibilities and mortals and children that needed him. He couldn’t walk away from all that just because he had been in love with someone always just out of reach. Apollo was a protector of the youth. He’d understand Hermes giving up his memories and their relationship in order to maintain order and do what was right. To protect the demigods by continuing his subterfuge and subversion of their current regime privately.
Hermes said, “I am sorry Dite. I won’t be able to make the Valentine’s festival in your honor. I know this is a massive slight to you. I’m truly sorry. I just can’t risk anything. Apollo and so many others would be there. I have heard rumors that the Roman and Greek demigods could be invited. If I make a scene, my king will be furious. He’ll think I am attempting to mock and embarrass him. Athena will be there. My illness may progress.
It’s starting to affect my health. Ariadne is due to show up any minute with an inhaler because my chest is tight nearly all the time these days. It could start causing major damage soon. I can’t leave my children behind. They can leave me, but I can’t abandon them not again.”
Aphrodite said, “You would have been so cute together though! If she had ever changed her mind of course.”
Hermes, respecting Athena’s need to be independent and unattached while also speaking of Apollo, said, “That ship had sunk a long time ago. In fact, it was really never one to begin with. I should’ve known better. It was an impossible dream.”
Aphrodite said in something akin to a distressed whisper, “The heart just wants what it wants. Even when that desire defies all logic. Normally I love that aspect of my domains. Such drama and heartache! Except this time my dear friend is in danger. A life on the literal line. I will support you in whatever decision you make on this. If you’re doing surgery, I am coming. You won’t be alone.”
Hermes appreciatively said, “I am eternally grateful for all of this. For your help, caring, and support. If it’s okay with you, I am having surgery the day after the 14th. If you could be there, I would be incredibly honored and blessed.”
Aphrodite asked, “That soon?”
Hermes said, “Yes. I can’t wait too much longer or I may back out. Lose courage. I would do it sooner but I don’t want you and everybody else to miss your special holiday party. I know that it would make you incredibly happy to be able to attend with Ares. I can hold out for two more days.”
Aphrodite agreed to the plan. That she’d be ready for the 15th at 4 pm. Hermes’ surgery day at a private hospital for immortals.
She said, “Ciao, darling.” Their call hung up for good.
Ariadne then reappeared with a confident and strutting Dionysus in tow. Except, Hermes knew the truth. His friend despite his slight pompous and dramatic appearance was incredibly concerned alongside Ariadne.
Dionysus said to his wife, “Ariadne, honey, could you make up the spare bedroom for us? Find some down blankets? It will help make our special guest comfortable.”
Ariadne gave her spouse a quick kiss on the cheek then rushed off to get the required items. With Dionysus handing Hermes the inhaler so he could use it. Hermes had caught a second wind before calling Aphrodite but he was still grateful for the medical device. The inhaler helped with some of the coughing. Relieving some of the pain and tightness in his airways so he’d felt healthier.
Dionysus said, “Ariadne called me stressed out because she was thinking we’d need an inhaler designed more for bronchitis than asthma. Thankfully, I was able to convince our very patient and kindhearted nephew Asceplius to make me one. Between getting the fancier one made and Ariadne getting some other bronchitis and possible pneumonia medications we were a bit slow to get back here. You’re lucky I didn’t call Sunshine for help. He’d have you in protective custody and a hospital in mere moments.”
Hermes said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak her out. I was delivering your flowers as promised. Guess I was feeling worse than I thought.”
Dionysus sobered a bit. It could be hard to tell if you didn’t know them, but they were clearly relieved to see that he was okay.
Dionysus said, “I’m still having you stay with us. If your breathing grows worse, then we’re taking you to our nephew or Sunshine. Castor’s asthma could lead him to have severe attacks if it wasn’t treated properly. I also don’t want you to do something stupid like getting yourself killed for not taking care of yourself properly.”
Hermes pouted a little at that. It was a bit embarrassing being called out by the younger immortal. Although he did have a valid point.
Ariadne came back and had Hermes settle into their guest bedroom. With Hermes’ friend coming back with glasses of cold nectar for them all to have. The couple had Hermes drink three tall glasses so he could take the recommended pills and cough syrup. Dionysus was especially watchful of him despite trying to appear laidback and uncaring about it all. Hermes was touched but not wishing to cause them both more anxiety.
Then Adriane made sure Hermes ate a little bit of ambrosia just so he’d look less pale and underfed. Explaining that she knew a thing or two about taking care of sick and injured deities after having been married to one for over a thousand years.
She stated, “Don’t you worry about being a burden. You need rest to feel better.”
Hermes ended up falling asleep in satin pajamas with a leopard version of Dionysus protectively curled around him in the guest bedroom. Ariadne lay beside them in the enormous bed petting Dionysus’ fur and watching Hermes breathe unsteadily. The couple’s friend snuggled the leopard form as if he were a small child with a plush. Dio licked his friend’s hairline with equal parts fondness and exasperation. Hermes often murmured in his sleep about how soft and cuddly the big kitty was. Leading to Dionysus chuffing in pleasure. Big purring from the wild cat tumbling from his throat. Ariadne giggled at the sight while she got a brush to clean the leopard’s coat. It was adorable.
Dionysus said telepathically to Ariadne, “I found the source of the coughing. There’s a plant growing inside him. I can feel it with my powers over vegetation and orchards. I have no idea how it got there but it’s suffocating him. My sweet buddy will die if this gets any bigger. If he were mortal, he’d be dead. It’s the size of a dwarf Japanese maple and growing fast. If unchecked, this thing can get up to 8 feet, possibly more if it mutates.”
Ariadne wordlessly exclaimed, “The poor dear. Is there anything we can do?”
DIonysus telepathically said, “I’ll talk to him in the morning, honey. See if he knows more than he’s letting on. Then we can find a specialist. Possibly Demeter can help. It’s definitely a plant but there’s something darkly twisted about it. Mad, if you will. Will figure it out.”
After that, the couple left Hermes re-tucked into the extra bed. Using a mortal baby monitor to keep an eye on him. They would be next door in their bedroom just in case. Thank the gods for Hera and Aphrodite advocating that the couple get a few nights together around Valentine’s Day in Dionysus’ temple! The couple had some quiet sex before turning in for the night. Not wanting to wake the messenger up in the other room.
The next morning, after a large coughing fit with pink petals flying everywhere, Hermes confessed to them that he had Hanahaki Disease. That he was planning on having surgery on February 15th to remove it. That was when Dionysus took him privately aside while Adriane made a traditional Greek breakfast for them all. Clearly, Dionysus had some questions to ask.
They asked, “How long has this been going on? That monstrosity is enormous. It’s practically a parasite draining the life out of you.”
Hermes sighed. He said tiredly, “It’s been an issue off and on for over four thousand years. There were times I thought the flowers had died. It was all over. Apparently not. They have been getting worse lately.”
Dionysus said, “Between you and I, I know this isn’t about Athena. I know you like her, but you would never suffer this horribly for her. She’s a comrade in arms and friend at times but your care and love for her isn’t all that romantic or at least not that intense. You don’t have to tell me who, even though Aphrodite and my wife are dying to know. Just be careful for once, okay? Don’t want to have to plan your funeral with everyone. Especially not Sunshine. That would be torture.”
Hermes said, “Duly noted. Dio, I hate to ask but could you keep an eye on my kids and Sunny when I go into surgery? I don’t want them panicking or scared if they find out.”
Dionysus begrudgingly said, “Fine. You owe me a bottle of Domaine Leroy Chambertin Grand Cru once I get back from my punishment for putting up with those brats. As for Sunny, I might have to enlist Artemis to tie him down so he can’t find you. Ugh, you owe me big time. Good thing, I like that diva.”
Hermes whispered, “It’s imperative Sunbeams isn’t there. I may never heal if he shows up while I’m in the midst of surgery. It’s incredibly important he doesn’t get involved. The truth could harm him. Undo some of my personal healing.”
Dionysus said, “Yeah, whatever. Don’t forget you owe me. He’ll probably lecture me on my lifestyle knowing him. Too chaotic, he thinks. He’s lucky I haven’t either duct taped his mouth or forced him to swallow pounds of his own written haikus yet. By the way, if you’ll forget all the accompanying gushy stuff in the first place, then how does that work? Total amnesia? Would it be extreme enough to forget the person?”
Hermes said, “I wouldn’t forget them. Just any romantic or connecting feelings. At least that’s how it usually goes for the mortals who’ve done this procedure.”
Dionysus nonchalantly said, “Well, I’ll see you afterwards then. Ariadne will want an update anyways. Hope that your kids don’t incur my wrath or destroy camp while you’re gone. ‘Cause if they do, you’ll be responsible and need to fix things. I’ll babysit the tall nuisance too.”
Hermes said, “I’m extremely grateful. Thank you.”
Dionysus said, “Yeah, whatever.”
Hermes could swear that there was a small smile on the other god’s face. Hopefully, everything went well tomorrow with the operation.
The next morning, at the private hospital, Aphrodite met him there so that she could help him home later if there was a heavy recovery or drowsiness from extensive anesthesia. The nurse excitedly chattering about how this surgery would be their first on an Olympian.
Aphrodite reprimanding her for being so cavalier about the seriousness of the situation. Asking her about the survival rate and recovery period. The nurse hurriedly apologized for her bad behavior. Saying that they did hundreds of successful operations. It was just new for it to be a major god. That the doctors and surgeons would answer as many questions as they could regarding their concerns. Appeasing Aphrodite for a moment.
After rounds of questions, they were ready to go. With Aphrodite holding her friend’s hand and making sure he was comfy in the hospital bed.
She said, “I will be there the entire time. Don’t you worry. Di is with the demigods and Apollo. Your immortal children are spending time with Ares and our children. Everybody is alright. Let’s focus on you feeling well.”
Hermes murmured, “Thank you.” Alongside some other lines of sincere gratitude as his IV and the respirator mask were placed on his face. Heart monitors are already functional. A final testament slipped into Aphrodite’s large coat pocket.
‘Sweet dreams’ were the last words he heard from Aphrodite before blacking out. Then all was quiet and still.
Apollo’s POV
I was spending time hunting with my twin Artemis when I got a call from Aphrodite wanting to set up a shopping spree in Beverly Hills. That sounded like fun so we set up a date for the beginning of March. She said it would be a fun diversion for me. Emotional support given my extenuating circumstances. I didn’t quite understand that part. Maybe she was referring to my trials and the long therapy sessions I was doing after? I had been doing a bit better since I got to see my kids more, started therapy, and patched up some of my relationships with my siblings and other gods.
The rest of my day was pretty normal after that. Except when I got another call from Dionysus demanding that I come over to his private quarters at Camp Half Blood right away. Artemis and Aphrodite were going to be there too. Something important.
It was in his private quarters that D handed me a sealed envelope solemnly. Hidden tears in the corners of his eyes. Aphrodite was blowing her nose and her eyes were puffy from crying. Artemis grabbed me as soon as I entered the room. Holding me tightly but giving enough space to read.
The opened letter said:
Dearest Ollie,
If you’re reading this letter, then I am very likely deceased or in severe decline. Unable to continue on.
Please know I would never blame you for what happened. It’s not your fault that I was captivated by you. That you make me weak in the knees. Give me butterflies in my belly whenever you compliment my expertise and personality. Taking interest in my passions. At first, I was worried that I was in love with you out of pure admiration and my connections to mortals. I thought this was limerence or merely lust so many times over the years, only for you to prove me wrong time and time again. You’re not a prize to be won, Ollie. It’s a blessing to know you. I’d understand if you’d left me. I am not sure if I can give you as much as you support me.
As I grew to know you, understanding more of the numerous parts that make up you, I knew that I was hopelessly in love with you. Ollie, you’re a fierce friend and a formidable foe. A healer and plague bringer. Youthful but also wise beyond thousands of years. Rational and emotional. Compassionate and stern. Strict at times but never too much so. Always encouraging me to be better. Smarter and stronger. Giving me more confidence and space to grow. I can’t ever thank you enough for that.
I got the flower curse (Hanahaki) in the years since we met. As I found that my crush was much more than a mere flight of fancy. It tormented me daily with the sunrise and sunset. With reminders of you. As horrible as it was, it was worth it. As invaluable as knowing you. Having you in my life. You make my immortal life worth living. A facet of my life that is not only important but worth fighting for. I hold you near and dear to my heart about as much as I hold my children. My everything. Our found family and friends are special and loved by me too. I’d sacrifice my life protecting you all. The shared moments and memories etched within the fabric of my soul, my being.
There was a time, I thought if I managed to make you grow to hate me then we’d both be okay somehow. I could stall this illness and you could move on. Feel alright. Eventually I would find a cure and you’d feel no guilt in your hatred. I underestimated your persistence though. You’d come by to say hello or talk often. Including me in your busy life more than you ever needed to. There’s been so many times where I would think you were uninterested only for you to throw me another curveball. Making my heart race every time our fingers touched.
I couldn’t push you away. We were like north and south pole magnets constantly attracting each other. Connecting in the most unexpected places at the most random times. No matter how small it was, it was never inconsequential. I am a fool for you. I am so in love with you that I have no words left to say. Not because there aren’t many words, it’s just that none can really express these feelings.
Some of my favorite times with you were when I made you laugh so hard strawberry milk came out of your nose. When you healed my broken femur after my first failed heist (how was I supposed to know another pantheon was involved) and we went to the Smithsonian for the grand opening. The long walks and conversations. That one time we argued and didn’t speak for two weeks only for you to find a compromise for our impasse miraculously. You were brilliant. Came up with something that I could never think of. All of the little moments where I could help you like you’ve healed others. That one library outing where I just knew we’d be friends for a long time. I missed you when we were apart due to time and distance.
Sorry, you know as much as I do about how much I ramble. The whole point is really that I love you. Yes, you can be arrogant and obnoxious sometimes. Yeah, there are days where your oracles can piss me off. Giving me nightmares while I try to understand their projections. Sometimes your social circle can make me feel insecure and left out. Even still, there’s no place I’d rather be than with you by my side. Thank you for just being yourself. I wouldn’t trade those times that we had for nearly anything.
I need to do right by my children. I have to give up my feelings and my love for you to be able to protect them. As scary as this surgery’s outcome could be, I can’t neglect them again. Not after the Titan War and the deaths of my other immortal and mortal children. I know you more than anyone would understand my decision. That you would even be proud of me doing something unselfish for once.
Maybe you could be free too. Free of the headaches I tend to cause. Auf Wiedersehen. Hopefully we’ll meet again.
Sincerely,
H
I put the letter down. Shock like bolts of electricity rippling through my core. I couldn’t speak. Move. My lips glued shut. My hands gripping Artemis’.
Dionysus said, “None of us actually read your letter beforehand. Hermes gave it to Aphrodite before he had gone completely under. Given current events, we thought he’d want you to have it. Similar notes were delivered to his family and friends too just in case the surgery didn’t work out.”
Artemis bluntly asked, “Then what’s wrong? His domains are clearly operational. Are you trying to traumatize my brother?”
Aphrodite said, “No, never that. After reading Hermes’ letters to us, we even considered withholding Apollo’s letter for a bit. If his letter were to be as sappy and sad as ours. With Apollo doing so well in his therapy and having a solid relationship with Lityerses. Not to mention his reconnecting with his children and the upcoming “project”, we didn’t want to stress him or injure him further. He’s a leader within our band of allies. One that deserves respect as well. Keeping him from the truth would have been dishonest.”
Dionysus added, “We even asked Athena about what she would recommend in light of all this. She told us not to tell you. That if anything; this was a blessing in disguise. With one of the Stormer’s key allies gone and his communications down; we could take advantage. That being emotional wasn’t something you did in war. Telling you would be a distraction; a hindrance. Aphrodite and your muses insisted you know. Ares and I were split, so was Poseidon, Persephone, and Hades. It’s important news but we don’t want that to undue all of the progress you’ve made since your trials. You’ve been so much happier and we didn’t want to threaten that. Your wild engagement announcement to a son of Demeter will give us more allies amongst the nature and minor gods. Nymphs and other creatures will back us too. It was a perfectly played political move.”
Aphrodite added, “Not that we aren’t glad that you found someone, dear. This is just an unexpected benefit to our mission. I just wish we were celebrating your future union under better circumstances.”
Artemis looked over to Apollo who had slowly thawed with their discussion. Artemis did agree that the rebellion was the most important action that they could do now to go against Zeus. So, she could avenge her baby brother and others’ suffering at his hands. On the other hand, as well meaning as Dionysus and Aphrodite were, they were very likely making Apollo feel like a pawn or bargaining chip without meaning to.
Artemis spoke up, “While I don’t care for the affairs of love, you both need to be less cold toward him. I know you wish him the best. It’s just you’re making it sound like he’s your personal puppet. I’m sure he also wants to know what happened with Hermes.”
I nodded. In a hoarse voice, I demanded, “I want to know.”
Dionysus sighed. He explained, “Hermes had Hanahaki Disease. Apollo, you’ve traveled to Asia and love Japanese culture. Hermes and his soulmate must have shaped each other in profound ways. They must have been distinctly interconnected. When the massive shrub of Japanese pink camellias was removed; it was 12 feet tall and had a spread of 10 feet. The medical specialists were glad we caught it when we did. It was about to mutate and those get up to 25 feet tall. To be honest, I don’t get why it was camellias. The disease is from East Asia so I can understand the plant’s origin. I was expecting peonies, roses, sunflowers, tulips, or lilies. Even hydrangeas or his lover’s sacred flowers. Why these?”
Aphrodite said, “I was so convinced it was Athena that he pined for. Persephone and a few others did too. It was kind of funny though…”
I asked, “What was it?”
Aphrodite said, “We had a poll as to who Hermes was interested in a while back. 6% said Hecate, 7% for a random nature nymph or mortal, 72% for Athena, 9% for Iris, 5% for Tyche, and 1% was for you. Interestingly, your muse Clio really advocated for your inclusion in the voting. I figured if Athena wasn’t his interest, it’d be Tyche or Iris.”
My ichor ran cold. They were all clueless. He hadn’t said a thing to anybody. Hermes knew Apollo valued privacy. So, he kept his adoration a secret. To honor Apollo. Then the appearance of those particular flowers…
I asked, “What happened post op?”
Dionysus and Aphrodite looked at each other uncomfortably. Aphrodite looked heartbroken. Dionysus pained. Much like before.
Dionysus said, “He has retrograde amnesia. He can’t remember much of anything before the surgery. The flower removal was his point of trauma so he remembers everything after that. Functionally he’s fine. It hasn’t affected his cognitive capabilities or his motor skills. He can re-learn his duties for messaging with Iris teaching him. Hestia is helping with his powers related to the home, hospitality, travel, and feasts. Hypnos dreams. Thanatos soul collection. Other minor gods are assisting too. His remaining godly daughter is helping him with remembering his past. It’s a bit strange when you meet him. He knows me from photos but he only knows surface level details.”
Aphrodite added, “My powers freaked him out the other day! He had no idea how to adjust to my charmspeak! Normally he resists it with his smooth talking. Instead he got really overwhelmed like a mortal seeing me at full strength. Then he ran away.”
Artemis agreed, “He used to be able to keep up with my speed. He’s getting faster again but he’s not as motivated. A bit like one of your (directed at Apollo) blank canvases. There’s potential but no art that propels the design. I noticed his bizarreness and asked our king. He told me that Hermes is fine and welcomes the changes. A new soldier to mold for the crown.”
I exclaimed, “So you all already knew? Even you, Artemis? What made you think I was a mere baby? That I couldn’t handle this?”
Artemis apologized, “Brother, I’m sorry for the deception. I did have an inkling. After my conversation with our ruler and seeing my own letter. I was not part of that meeting with Athena. I would have argued that you’d figure it all out on your own with that big head of yours. It didn’t matter whether you were told or not.”
I was a bit frustrated. Why did they treat me as if I was my dumb blonde persona all the time? I am not incapable.
Aphrodite declared, “I wanted you to know about what happened to Hermes since I knew it’d hurt you the most, honey. It’s not like I hadn’t realized you were close. When it comes to you, Hermes’ new memory is the spottiest. He knows you’re a significant god on the council. That you do certain roles. Then as soon as he looks at one of your divine symbols, he starts to forget again. I just wanted you to know that I’d love and support you through this difficult time. To brace yourself for his forgetfulness.”
I had finally connected the dots on the flowers. Remembering why they were special enough for Hermes to cough them up.
I announced, “My muse Clio was right. Hermes was falling for me. My letter confesses as such.”
There was a shattering of glass where Dionysus dropped his wine glass filled with Diet Coke to the hard floor. A startled gasp from Artemis. A shout of incomprehension from Aphrodite. How ironic for the love goddess. Then eerie silence as I spoke again.
I said, “Pink Camellias symbolize faithfulness, innocence, beauty, longing, and most of all unconditional love. Hermes’ love for me was born out of innocence. We had been tried and true best friends for years. He’d always been loyal to me. Sometimes more than our lord even. I’m a god of divine youth and handsomeness. There was a beauty in our friendship. Our devotion to each other. He pined for me from afar for milenia. His love had been mostly unconditional. Never seeing me as a trophy to win.
I confess I don’t love him so. Had he courted me back then, then it’s a possibility things could’ve been different. It just tears at my heartstrings that he’d never felt safe in telling me. I would’ve been kind and gentle with my rejection. Helped him with this sickness even if it meant bending the truth temporarily. Hermes would still be able to be himself. Not devoid of personality and lost. I’ll speak with my fiance and let him know what has happened. He’ll need to know that I’ll be trying to support an old flame. Albeit one sided.
I always loved those Japanese flowers. Used to wear them in a braided flower crown. Now I won’t be able to stand the sight of them. Given all that is irrecoverable with Hermes’ memories. Since if he recalls me, he’ll suffer once again. I will always manage to harm him. Forgetting is horrendous but there is freedom. A infinitesimal chance to become new. He’ll never be the same as before. For there are no lies without the truth.”
I swiftly left Camp Half Blood after that. No one dared to follow me. I was so incensed. My fury at the fate of my friend is palpable. I purposefully failed to mention the special song hidden in invisible ink on the letter’s back. Hermes had finally gotten around to finishing me a love song at last.
“Yeah, I know it's kinda strange
Every time I'm near you
I just run out of things to say
I know you'd understand
Every time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So, I'll have to say "I love you" in a song
Every time the time was right
All the words just came out wrong
So, I'll have to say "I love you" in a song”