Archive of Our Own

February 28th, 1972

“Marls, just the girl I was looking for,” Sirius went spinning down the stairs from the boys dorms and nearly landed on Marlene’s lap. 

“James just left,” Marlene said, not looking up from the copy of the newest edition of Quidditch Weekly. 

“That’s not why I’m looking for you,” Sirius said, pushing over her arm to sit next to her on the couch. 

“Remus is in the library with Peter and Lily,” She said next, flipping the page. Sirius watched as the captain for the Hollyhead Harpies flew across a two page spread, grinning at the camera as her hair whipped around her face. 

“Also not what I was going to say,” Sirius closed the magazine, forcing Marlene to look at him. 

“Fine, fine,” She huffed. “What do you want?” 

“I want to do something for Remus’ birthday, but I don’t know what,” Sirius answered. Marlene raised an eyebrow, so he raised one back. “What?”

“I’m just surprised,” Marlene shrugged. “Why are you asking me?”

“I can’t exactly ask Remus, and James and Peter don’t know what to do either,” Sirius said, flipping around so his head was hanging off the couch and his feet were up in the air. He knocked his shoes together, listening to the satisfying sound they made when they touched, as he waited for Marlene to answer. 

“Well, what do you think he wants,” Marlene asked, finally fully setting down the magazine. 

“I don’t know,” Sirius sighed. “That’s my problem.” 

“You know him better than I do,” Marlene rolled her eyes. “What does he like?”

“Jumpers, chocolate, muggle music,” Sirius kept listing off everything he could think of that Remus had mentioned liking or that Sirius had noticed in the last six months of knowing him. 

“Get him some chocolate from Honeydukes,” Marlene said. “You know he likes that, and this weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend for Alice and Frank. Get them to go for you.” 

Sirius was already up and halfway out the portrait hole before Marlene had even finished talking. “Thanks Marls,” He yelled out behind him before the portrait swung closed behind him. 

Marlene picked her magazine back up and flipped to the Hollyhead Harpies spread again. 

“What’re you reading,” Mary sat down next to her on the couch, followed quickly by Dorcas. 

“Quiddich Weekly,” Marlene said, moving it to show her friends the cover. “The Hollyhead Harpies have their big spread in this issue.” 

“Their new captain is really pretty,” Dorcas smiled over at her. Marlene could feel her entire face flushing, although she wasn’t exactly sure why. 

“Um, yeah, I guess,” Marlene stumbled over her words. Dorcas just kept smiling at her, and it was making Marlene feel like melting into a puddle at her friend’s feet. “I hadn’t really noticed.” 

That was a lie, of course. The new captain was gorgeous, with dark hair braided just like Dorcas’ and then pulled back into a ponytail, and dark brown eyes that looked friendly and kind.

“Oh, right,” Dorcas said awkwardly. “Yeah of course.” 

Marlene wanted to bash her head into a wall, or maybe the coffee table in front of her. She had no idea what was going on, but for some reason she couldn’t seem to get her words straight when Dorcas was around. No matter what she was talking about, even Quiddich, which had always been something she excelled at, she could not manage to keep her thoughts together and then speak what she wanted to say. 

“Anyway,” Marlene faltered as she put down the magazine again. “What are you up to?”

“We were thinking of heading down to the lake,” Mary smiled. “It’s really nice out and I figured the fresh air could be nice.” Dorcas was nodding, so Marlene took that as her being okay with her coming along. 

“Fresh air sounds really good right now,” Marlene said, standing up and leaving the magazine forgotten on the coffee table. 

When Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas made it down to the lake, Marlene noticed three people to the side that looked a lot like Sirius, Frank, and Alice. 

“I’ll be right back,” Marlene said to her friends before heading over to them. 

“That would be amazing,” Sirius was saying as she approached. “And if you could make sure to not say anything to Remus that would be super great.” 

“Of course,” Frank smiled. Him and Alice were a couple years older than them, but they saw them in the common room enough that they were friendly to each other. “We’ll make sure to keep it a secret for you.”

“Our lips are sealed,” Alice agreed, pretending to zip up her lips and then throw away the key. 

“Thank you so much,” Sirius said, putting some money in Frank’s hands and then spinning around to run away, but instead being greeted by Marlene standing there. 

“I see you took my advice,” Marlene smirked. “Good choice.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself too much.” 

He broke off, staring off behind Marlene, so she turned around to see why. Remus was walking towards them, followed quickly by Lily and Peter. 

“Hi Re,” Sirius said, maybe a bit too loudly. 

“Hi,” Remus looked half amused and half shy. 

Marlene really wanted to know why, but she had no way of asking. In the last few months she’d managed to get closer to the four boys, but she wasn’t quite at the stage yet where she could really ask them what was going on. 

“I thought you were ‘studying until you passed out’,” Marlene rolled her eyes as she quoted Lily’s words from earlier that day. 

“Peter nearly did,” Lily shrugged. “He was so bored, not that I can blame him. Have you done the History of Magic homework yet? Even I think it’s a chore.” 

“C’mon Lily, do you have no faith in me? I’m not like these idiots, I do my homework,” Marlene flipped her hair. 

“Hey, rude,” Sirius said with fake hurt in his voice. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have a Remus who will do your homework for you.” 

“Sirius, that was one time,” Remus sighed. “It’s not happening again, as you very well know.” 

“Wait, you did his homework,” Marlene said, spinning to look at Remus so quickly that her hair nearly hit Sirius in the face. Not that she’d be complaining if that really did happen. 

“Unfortunately,” Remus rolled his eyes. “It was the only way to shut him up, I said I’d do his History of Magic homework so he’d leave me alone.” 

“Wow Remus, I’m really feeling the love,” Sirius fake-sobbed. 

Marlene turned to Lily, who rolled her eyes and nodded over to the shade under a big tree. 

“Want to sit down,” Lily mouthed. Marlene nodded, and they walked over to the tree, leaving the two bickering friends behind. 

✧✧✧✧✧

May 9th, 1973

Marlene was tired of sitting behind James and Sirius. It seemed like every class she had, regardless of the subject, time of day, or the person she was sitting beside, she always ended up behind James and Sirius.

It was annoying on a good day and infuriating on a bad one, considering how much she had to listen to. She couldn’t just focus on the teacher, oh no. Instead, she had to witness James’ lovesick pining over Lily and Sirius’ insistence on bothering Remus every chance he could. 

It didn’t help that they were smart. They didn’t need to pay attention, they didn’t even need to study. They were just naturally gifted. All around them their friends struggled to retain the course materials - some more than others, and Marlene felt bad that Peter always seemed to be the one that struggled the most - but they could easily just goof off and still manage to get grades that rivaled Lily and Remus’. 

On that specific day, they were learning about hair raising potions, something Marlene was sure wouldn’t end well if James and Sirius managed to learn how to actually brew them. 

“Now, we won’t be actually brewing one of these potions today,” Professor Slughorn said. Marlene could see James and Sirius visibly deflating in front of her, and was somewhat proud of herself for being right. 

“That’s rubbish,” James whispered, quietly enough that Marlene could barely hear him. 

“Could you imagine if we could use that potion on Snivellus,” Sirius answered. Marlene could nearly hear the grin on his face even though she couldn’t hear it. “Hey, I bet we could figure it out on our own if we wanted.”

“What are you two whispering about,” Remus leaned over slightly, just enough to join the conversation but not enough to alert Professor Slughorn. 

“Oh nothing, my dearest Remus,” Sirius whispered back. 

“I know you’re lying, but I don’t have the patience to care,” Remus shot back. “Please stop whispering, it’s distracting me.” 

“Please forgive me,” Sirius answered, reaching out to hold Remus’ hand. “Oh please, Remus darling, I’ll do anything.” 

Remus’ snort finally made Slughorn clue in to the fact that not everyone was paying attention, and he walked over to stand in front of James and Sirius’ table. Remus’ face was bright red, and Marlene wasn’t sure if it was due to getting caught or if it was because of Sirius’ words.

“Mr. Black, do we have a problem,” Slughorn asked. “I can hear some chatter from your direction. Did you have a question?”

“Not at all, Professor,” Sirius smiled. Even from behind, Marlene knew he was flashing his best smile, the one that she’s seen throw girls into a tizzy and was even known to make Remus speechless. 

“Is that true, Mr. Lupin,” Slughorn turned to face Remus, who was blushing up to his hair. 

“Yes, sir,” Remus nodded. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere except there. Marlene was pretty sure that if he could melt into a puddle he would. 

“Very good,” Slughorn turned away and headed back to the front of the class. “As I was saying, you’ll need to write a full essay about this potion, expected on my desk by next Monday. Class dismissed.” 

James and Sirius shot up as soon as he finished talking and were out the door before anyone else had even moved to put their books away. 

“What were you whispering about,” Peter asked as he put his textbook in his bag. Marlene did her best to pretend she wasn’t listening as she also got her stuff together, and considering how Lily stayed silent beside her she was likely doing the same thing. 

“Sirius was being Sirius,” Remus sighed. He pushed a hand through his hair, pushing some of the curls out of his face. “They were talking about brewing the potion to give to Snape I think, but when I asked they just evaded the question.” 

Remus and Peter left as Peter responded, and Marlene turned to Lily. She was angry, her face as red as her hair and Marlene was pretty sure she could see smoke coming out of her ears. 

“I cannot believe their immaturity,” Lily said the second the two boys were out of earshot. “Really, what has Severus ever done to them? The audacity, to bully him even though he’s done nothing wrong. That Potter is terrible, I don’t understand why Remus and Peter hang out with him.”

Marlene just followed her out of the classroom. She’d listened to Lily rant about this since the beginning of first year, and she’d very quickly learned that no matter what she said, Lily didn’t listen. She had a block when it came to Severus, because of their childhood friendship, and it was something Marlene had no interest in getting in the middle of. 

As they walked to the Great Hall for lunch, they caught up to Sirius and Remus, although James and Peter were nowhere to be found. The two boys were walking together, Sirius holding both of their books, and Remus was mid laugh. 

Marlene didn’t want to admit it, but she could see why Remus was friends with them. He really lit up with Sirius, in a way that Lily didn’t seem to want to see. Marlene wasn’t even sure if Sirius and Remus saw it themselves. 

✧✧✧✧✧

October 2nd, 1973

If there was one thing in life Marlene loved, it was Quidditch. She’d loved it ever since she was little, when her older brother played on the Gryffindor team and would come home from Hogwarts eager to play it with her. She knew that eventually she wanted to be on the team, but until that happened she was happy to sit on the sidelines with her friends and watch. 

Peter and Remus - Remus closer to her - were sitting on her left, and Dorcas was on her right with Mary. Lily refused to come, citing the fact that she had ‘no interest in watching James Potter’s ego get any larger than it already was.’

“Remus?” Benjy Fenwick stopped in front of them, his friends going along without him. The shock in his voice and face was evident, and Remus looked up from the battered copy of Quidditch Through The Ages he was reading to smile at him. 

“Hey Benjy,” He smiled. “How’s it going?”

“Did you get lost,” Benjy asked. “I wasn’t expecting to see you outside the library.”

“It’s Sirius’ first game,” Remus shrugged. “I wouldn’t miss it.” 

“I didn’t think you liked quidditch,” Benjy answered. 

“I don’t really have an opinion,” Remus shrugged. “But Sirius loves it and so does James, so here I am.”

Marlene had no words for whatever was happening in front of her, except that she was extremely confused. She didn’t even know Benjy and Remus were friends. She honestly didn’t think they’d ever spoken before, and yet here they were. 

“Benjy!” One of his friends called out from where they’d gone ahead. “Come on, we got a good spot.”

“Well,” Benjy said, waving to his friends. “I should go.”

“Bye,” Remus answered, turning back to his book. Benjy stood there for a couple seconds, before shaking his head and turning away. 

“So,” Marlene said, turning to Remus the second Benjy was out of earshot. “What the fuck was that?”

“What was what,” Remus asked. He didn’t look up, but Marlene didn’t miss how his cheeks were a bit pinker. 

“You know what,” Marlene said. “That thing with Benjy.”

“Yeah,” Mary leaned in. “I didn’t know you were friends. Are you cheating on us?”

“Oh yeah,” Remus said dryly. “I have a whole other family, too. Very scandalous, I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

“Twat,” Mary hit him on the shoulder. 

“Seriously,” Remus paused, holding out a hand. “Don’t you dare.” Marlene closed her mouth, stopping her ‘Sirius’ joke before she could say it. 

“Spoil sport,” Marlene rolled her eyes. 

“I get it enough from Sirius himself, please don’t add to it,” Remus shook his head. 

“You love us,” Marlene grinned. “Don’t deny it.”

“You’re alright,” Remus shrugged. Before he could turn back to his book, he looked out over the stands and down to the ground, where the Gryffindor team were walking out onto the pitch. Whatever he was about to say got lost in his throat as he looked over. He even closed his book, which Marlene didn’t think would’ve been possible. She’d definitely been trying to figure out ways to take it from him that didn’t cause bodily harm to herself or others. 

“Look, look,” Peter grinned as he pointed down to the ground. “There they are!”

Sirius and James were last to appear, walking closely together at the back of the group. They were unmistakable, even from that high up, because they were the youngest on the team. The only two third years, much to Peter’s excitement. Sometimes Marlene thought Peter was more excited about them making the team than they were. 

“This is so exciting!” Peter was nearly vibrating out of his seat in his excitement, which made Marlene laugh - maybe a bit more than necessary. 

“Pete, I love you mate but please stop bouncing,” Remus said. 

“Sorry,” Peter smiled. He didn’t look sorry, but how Remus smiled back showed he didn’t really care that much. 

They were playing Slytherin, and Marlene laughed as the crowd around them started booing when their players walked onto the pitch. Their cold green and silver uniforms looked super weird next to the warm Gryffindor gold and red. They all met in the middle of the pitch, the captains staring at each other with Madame Hooch in between. 

“I wish I could hear what they were saying,” Peter said, craning his neck as if that would help him hear better. 

Before he said anything else, they were all getting on their brooms and readying for the beginning of the match. Marlene watched as Sirius and James nodded at each other and then separated. 

“Now,” Madam Hooch said loudly, aided by the amplifying charm. “Welcome to the first match of the year everyone. I want a clean game please, no fighting.”

Marlene could hear jeers and boos from the Slytherin crowd, but she chose to ignore them. Annoying more than anything, and it was easy to do when she was surrounded by her friends. 

“On my count. Three, two, one. Go!” With that, the bludgers and snitch was released, and the match was underway. A fifth year Hufflepuff was the announcer that year, and he started talking as soon as one of the Slytherin chasers got ahold of the quaffle. 

James managed to intercept, passing it to one of his teammates, who took off like a rocket to the Slytherin goalposts, getting it through the right side hoop and getting Gryffindor’s first points in under five minutes of gameplay. 

The Gryffindor bench erupted into cheers, standing up and screaming as the chaser took off on a lap of the stadium. 

“I can’t believe it,” Peter yelled over the crowd. “This is a great start!”

“Don’t jinx it, Pete,” Marlene grinned. She reached around Remus to ruffle his hair, earning an eyeroll and a playful shove. She nearly fell into Dorcas’ arms, who turned to Peter with a ‘watch it’ stare. 

If Peter noticed he didn’t say anything, focus back on the game. Marlene watched the game, but also out of the corner of her eye at Remus. He hadn’t jumped up with them, having chosen instead to keep his head in his book, but Marlene didn’t miss how his gaze scanned the pitch for a familiar head of black hair. 

He watched as Sirius flew around the pitch, hair flying behind him as he went. She also didn’t miss the small smile on his face, or the way his teeth sunk into his bottom lip every time Sirius’ bat made contact with a bludger. 

Remus didn’t look back down at his book once in the whole game. He also didn’t look at anyone else, even when the Slytherin captain missed three shots in a row, or the Gryffindor seeker nearly caught the snitch but missed, and not when James scored and did a victory lap around the pitch, waving at them happily from his broom as he passed them. 

He didn’t take his eyes away from Sirius until he disappeared under the bleachers and they couldn’t see him anymore. 

✧✧✧✧✧

December 20th, 1974

“Dorky please don’t drag me in there,” Marlene said, digging her feet into the ground outside of Madame Puddifoot’s Tea Shop. 

“I’m not dragging you,” Dorcas rolled her eyes. “I went in alone last Hogsmeade weekend, when you, Mary, and Lily went to The Three Broomsticks, and I really liked their tea, but I felt weird being there alone because everyone was in couples. Please, Marlene?”

Marlene hesitated, unsure what she should do. Her older sister had told her about Madame Puddifoot’s that summer, warned her that it was a typical date spot for students, and Marlene wasn’t sure if Dorcas knew that too. 

Her cheeks flushed a little, wondering if Dorcas was asking her to go in with her because of that. 

“I can ask someone else, I suppose,” Dorcas continued, apparently unaware of Marlene’s inner struggle. “Peter would go with me if I asked, I’m sure.” 

“No,” Marlene said, a bit too loud. Dorcas looked shocked, and a bit confused, and Marlene had no interest in explaining her reaction. She wasn’t even sure if she knew the reason. 

“No,” She said again, but at a normal volume. “I’ll go with you.” Dorcas’ whole face brightened, and Marlene knew at that moment that she’d made the right decision. 

“Great!” Dorcas was nearly bouncing with excitement, something Marlene was a bit too proud of. Her chest felt warm whenever Dorcas looked at her, and it felt like she was smiling way harder than she needed to. 

Before Marlene could think about anything else, Dorcas’ hand was grabbing hers and she was being pulled into the little tea shop. It wasn’t anything like she’d expected it to look like, and yet somehow exactly what she was expecting at the same time. 

The walls were pink, and so was the carpet, and the tablecloths, and even the chair cushions. There were frills and bows and flowers everywhere, and no matter where she looked she spotted Hogwarts couples on dates. 

Right in front of her was Gilderoy Lockhart and a girl she didn’t recognize from Ravenclaw. The girl looked bored out of her skull as Lockhart talked at her, and Marlene felt more than a little bad for her. Behind them was a seventh year Hufflepuff girl she recognized as being on the Quidditch team with her boyfriend who was also a Hufflepuff on the team. 

Before she could register anyone else, Dorcas was pulling her through all the tables to an open one closer to the back of the shop.

“Here,” Dorcas said, sitting down in a seat and gesturing for Marlene to sit in the other one. There were little paper menus on the table, with painted pink and white flowers on them, and the menu was filled with cakes, pastries, and teas. 

Marlene didn’t really like tea - much to the disappointment of her parents - but Dorcas did, and Marlene liked how much Dorcas’ face lit up when she looked over the menu. 

“What are you going to get,” Dorcas asked, looking up from her menu to look at Marlene. 

“I’m not sure,” Marlene admitted. 

“I know you don’t like tea, but do you want to share a cake or something?” Dorcas looked back at the menu, reading over all the options. 

Marlene knew, deep down, that of course Dorcas knew she didn’t like tea. But it was one thing to know something in passing and another thing altogether to say it aloud. Or at least, that was what she thought. She also realized that maybe that didn’t make sense. 

A lot of things about her and Dorcas didn’t make sense though. 

Marlene saw how Dorcas was with Lily and Mary, and it wasn’t the same way she acted around her. Dorcas had asked her to come into Madame Puddifoots, despite Mary being the other one in their group who liked tea. Dorcas had asked her for help with her Muggle Studies homework, despite Lily being a muggleborn and Marlene being a pureblood. 

She got a fluttery feeling in her chest when Dorcas looked at her, and it wasn’t something she was familiar with. She was pretty sure it wasn’t normal, either. It made her anxious, but also giddy at the same time. Dorcas in general made her giddy. 

Marlene could feel Dorcas’ foot resting against hers under the table, their knees just barely brushing, and it felt different. Not in a bad way, just in a way. Dorcas’ hands seemed to touch her for longer, and Marlene felt like every nerve ending was combusting wherever they touched. She wondered if Dorcas felt it too. 

They sat there and ate their cake and Dorcas drank her tea, smiling and laughing and watching everyone on their dates, until the cake was only crumbs and the cup just had cold dregs in the bottom. By the time they were going to leave, it was like something had changed. The air was heavy around them, they had less distance between them, and something felt calmer somehow. 

They bundled back up and then walked back out onto Hogsmeade’s high street, pushing against the cold until they managed to step back into the warmth in The Three Broomsticks. 

“Marlene, Dorcas, over here!” Mary was yelling over the chatter of everyone around them. Marlene could barely see her through the haze of cigarette smoke that filled the air, but she could just barely see her waving her arms around on the other side of the room. 

The volume in the restaurant was loud, especially in comparison to Madame Puddifoot’s, and Marlene felt it wash over her as Dorcas took her hand and they moved through people over to their friends. 

“How was it,” Mary asked in a normal voice. She looked curiously at their joined hands, which Marlene quickly dropped. 

“It was nice,” Dorcas said. “We had cake and tea.” 

Dorcas sat down and Marlene sat next to her, maybe a bit closer than necessary. Dorcas’ hands were soft, and her shampoo smelled like apples, which Marlene really liked. 

“That’s nice,” Mary said, turning back to Lily, Dorcas and Marlene’s clasped hands forgotten. 

Marlene could feel herself sweating, and her heart was beating faster than it ever had before. She couldn’t tell if it was because of Dorcas or the fact that Mary clearly thought something was going on. What if she said something to Dorcas? What if Dorcas thought she was gross and never wanted to talk to her again? What if-

Marlene was brought out of her spiralling thoughts by Sirius and Remus, who were sitting at the next table over with Peter and James. Despite Lily’s clear dislike of James - and by default, Sirius - the eight of them had become a bit of a little group, sitting together at meals and in the common room. 

“You’re absolutely mental,” Sirius was saying, far too loud considering how close to Remus he was sitting. “There is no way you actually think that, Re.” 

“You’re causing a scene, Sirius,” Remus said, glancing around the room. “Please keep your voice down.” 

“I refuse,” Sirius said, getting louder. “Not until you admit you’re wrong! I will never surrender, never ever ever!”

“Sirius,” Remus said, half laughing and half whispering. “Please stop yelling, you’re just making everyone look at us.” 

“Good,” Sirius winked. “I’m great to look at, everyone knows it.” 

Marlene didn’t know if she really saw it or if she was just looking for it everywhere she went, but she was so sure she saw Remus nod, just barely. She could have sworn his eyes glanced at Sirius' lips, just like how her own looked at Dorcas’. She may be wrong, but it looked a lot like love. 

✧✧✧✧✧

May 1st, 1976

“What’s it called again,” James asked, holding up the fancy contraption to his face. 

“It’s a camera, Prongs,” Remus said between inhales of his cigarette. “It’s just not magical, but it’s still a camera.” 

“I didn’t know that muggles had cameras,” Peter said, looking at the photos laying on the floor. “It’s so weird that they don’t move.” 

“I thought the same when I came here and the pictures were moving,” Lily laughed. “This one specifically is called a polaroid camera, because the photos come out instantly.” 

“It’s pretty good quality too,” Remus said, holding up one of the photos. “My mum’s camera is nowhere near as nice as this one.” 

“My parents got it for me.” Lily said, smiling down at the floor a bit. “For my birthday.” 

Marlene noticed that James didn’t say anything, which was unlike him. It used to be that James would take any excuse to ask Lily about herself, or her family, or really anything else that he didn’t know. It was most of why Lily refused to talk to him. 

Well, that and her friendship with that horrible Slytherin boy. Good riddance to that friendship. 

Marlene had always thought that James and Lily would make an odd pair, but the longer she paid attention the more she almost liked it. Almost. She still believed that no one could ever be good enough for her friend, any of her friends, but the more James comforted her, and stayed out of her way to let her protect herself, the more she trusted him to really be true about his feelings. 

“This photo is really cute,” Remus said as he picked up a photo off the floor. It had slid under one of Remus and Sirius, and Marlene leaned in to look. It also worked to snap her out of her daze, and she realized she’d been staring at her friends for longer than she should have. Luckily they were too busy staring at each other to notice. 

Photo-Marlene had an arm around Photo-Dorcas’ shoulders. Photo-Dorcas was laughing, and Photo-Marlene was smiling down at her. Marlene could see it without anyone pointing it out. It was so clear that she was in love. Sickeningly, if she was being honest. 

“We’re adorable,” Dorcas grinned, nudging Marlene’s elbow. 

“We really are,” Marlene smiled back. I love you, she tried to say through her thoughts. Dorcas’ expression showed she heard it, and she said it right back.

They’d been keeping their relationship lowkey, since they weren’t entirely sure how their friends would react. On the one hand, they were their best friends and they obviously loved them. But on the other, what if they weren’t okay with it? The last thing either of them wanted to do was make anyone uncomfortable, especially because they’d been sharing dorms for years. 

“I wish I had a friend who would look at me like that,” Sirius muttered under his breath. Marlene rolled her eyes, unable to believe he couldn’t see it. 

“You’re kidding, right?” Marlene asked with an eyebrow raised. 

“What?” The confused look on Sirius’ face made Marlene want to reach out and shake him. 

“Remus is that friend, or are you blind?” Marlene rolled her eyes. “You two are sickening, really.” 

A weird look crossed over Sirius’ face, and Marlene was glad no one was listening to their conversation. She wasn’t really sure what Sirius was realizing, but she didn’t want anyone else to be able to witness it too. Just in case it was what she was really hoping. 

“I don’t-” Sirius cut himself off with a shake of his head. “I can’t think about this.” He said the last part so quietly, with a conflicted look on his face. Marlene didn’t push it, and instead turned back to the group. She did, however, squeeze his hand as discreetly as she could. 

Whatever Sirius was dealing with, he wasn’t going to do it alone. Not if Marlene had any say in it. 

✧✧✧✧✧

January 20th, 1977

“Dorky, stop running,” Marlene laughed as she chased her girlfriend down the hallway to the dungeon.

“Don’t you ‘Dorky’ me, Marlene McKinnon,” Dorcas shot back, quick but not mad. “This is all your fault, and now we’re late. Professor Slughorn is going to kill us.”

“We both know that’s not true,” Marlene said, still laughing. “He loves you, his star student.” She was teasing, but they were both aware of how in awe Marlene was of her amazingly smart girlfriend. She rivaled even Lily and Snape in her abilities, which was saying a lot. 

“Okay I guess that’s true,” Dorcas admitted, slowing down just enough for Marlene to catch up to her. “I’m still mad at you though.”

“Sure you are,” Marlene rolled her eyes and threw an arm around Dorcas’ shoulder. Her girlfriend tucked into her side, using the empty hallways as an opportunity to show some public affection. Dorcas’ books dug into Marlene’s side in a way she was sure would leave a mark later, but she didn’t care. 

After that, they mostly took their time getting to class. Marlene was shocked, if she was being honest, that they weren’t caught by a wandering teacher, Filch, Mrs. Norris, Peeves, or a Head Boy, Girl, or Prefect. 

“Okay,” Marlene turned to Dorcas right before they got to the doors to the Potions classroom. “Remember our cover.”

“I am not telling Professor Slughorn and the entire Potions class that I got my period, Marlene. It’s just not happening.”

“Well we can’t exactly tell him the real reason, can we,” Marlene pointed out, very proud of the blush she managed to push onto her girlfriend’s cheeks. Even after a year and a half together, Marlene still couldn’t believe how lucky she was. Even if she had to hide it, she was still so grateful to even have Dorcas at all. 

“No excuses then, we just go in, apologize, and hope for the best.” 

Before either of them could overthink it anymore, Marlene swung the giant door open and winced when it made a way louder sound than she’d meant it to. The entire class, who had all been standing around the front of the room, turned to look at them standing awkwardly in the doorway. 

“Hello, Professor,” Dorcas said with an awkward wave. “I’m so sorry we’re late.” 

“Oh, that’s quite alright Miss Meadows,” Slughorn said, gesturing for them to enter the room. “Come in, come in. I was just showing your classmates a potion you’re going to be learning about this week.”

Marlene and Dorcas didn’t waste any more time, dropping their stuff off at their empty table and then joining their friends at the front. Mary and Lily tossed them knowing looks, having found out only a few weeks after they got together. It was pretty hard to hide a relationship when you all lived in the same room. The boys, on the other hand, remained clueless. About everything. 

“As I was saying, class. We won’t be making this potion, because of how dangerous it really is. However, you will be writing an essay on it, about its qualities and the dangers of brewing, drinking, and giving someone this potion.”

“What did we miss,” Marlene whispered under her breath to Sirius, who she’d ended up beside. 

“I don’t pay attention, you know that,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “As far as I know he hasn’t said, though. Ask Remus, if you really want to know.”

Marlene scoffed, not that she’d expected much. Sirius was probably the worst one to ask about any of their schoolwork, 

“Sirius,” Marlene heard Remus hiss from Sirius’ other side. “Did you smoke without me?”

“No?” Sirius’ voice was just as quiet, and incredibly confused. Marlene was more interested in them - and the fact that they were definitely in love - than she was in the lesson. “You know I wouldn’t do that, Moons. I haven’t even had one all day. Craving one though, now that you mention it. On the break?”

“Are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday, then? It’s really strong and all I can smell,” Remus answered. “And yeah, of course.”

Marlene, amused by the interaction, leaned over. “Normally I’m the first person to call out Sirius for smoking, but I actually can’t smell anything right now, Remus.”

“What the fuck,” He muttered under his breath. Marlene was shaken out of her eavesdropping by Professor Slughorn. 

“I’m sure you’re all wondering what this mystery potion is, but have any of you figured it out,” He asked. “Really think about it.”

“Is it amortentia, Professor,” Lily asked, hand half raised in the air. “The love potion?”

“Correct, Miss Evans,” Slughorn smiled at her. “Ten points to Gryffindor. Can anyone tell me any facts about it?”

“It smells differently to everyone, right? Based on what smells they like and what attracts them,” Remus asked. 

“Correct, Mr. Lupin,” Slughorn nodded. “Another ten points to Gryffindor.”

“Does it really, Professor,” Peter asked, leaning forward slightly to look into the cauldron. “Or is that a myth?”

“You tell me, Mr. Pettigrew. What do you smell?” Slughorn took a step back, towards his chair, as Peter leaned forward again. 

“Pine, I think. And vanilla ice cream,” Peter said as he leaned away. “It smells good enough to eat.”

“Don’t eat it, please,” Slughorn chuckled. “Now, does anyone else want to give it a go? See if we can prove those ‘rumours’ are true?”

One by one, a few of their classmates leaned forward to see what they could smell in the cauldron. It was interesting to Marlene, to see what each person found comforting and attractive. 

Lily smelled fresh rain (and something else that she didn’t name, but that made her flush as red as her hair, so Marlene is betting it was something to do with James). Remus was still complaining about standing so close to Sirius, convinced that Sirius was overpowering whatever was in the cauldron, but Marlene knew better. Sirius could smell chocolate and cigarette smoke, James could smell strawberries and artificial cherries. 

Marlene was pretty sure she’d never wanted to hit her friends over the head any more than she did in that moment. 

It turned out, as the class went on, that maybe she wouldn’t have to. The longer Professor Slughorn spoke, the more bored Sirius got, and the more he started thinking about other things. When they’d all taken their seats again, Marlene seated behind Sirius as always, she observed as it seemed like Sirius’ entire life flashed before his eyes. 

When they were dismissed, the eight of them all split up. James, Peter, and Dorcas broke off to head to Muggle Studies while Lily, Remus, and Mary went outside to Care of Magical Creatures. Marlene and Sirius headed back to the Gryffindor Common Room, as they had a free period. 

“Please get at least a little bit of homework done,” Remus called after them. Marlene knew he was only really talking to Sirius, so she didn’t say anything. Neither did Sirius, though. “Sirius, I know you can hear me!”

“Yes, Mum,” Sirius said sarcastically. Marlene turned enough to see Remus roll his eyes before turning away to catch up with Lily and Mary. 

Marlene and Sirius fell into an easy silence as they headed back to the Common Room. Sirius kept adjusting his bag on his shoulder, and it was so clear he was struggling with something, but Marlene stayed quiet. She knew, after six years of friendship, that Sirius needed to be the first one to talk if something was bothering him. 

They stayed silent all the way to the Common Room, and when they got there they ignored the armchairs by the fire they normally sat at, at a quiet understanding that whatever they were about to talk about wasn’t a public topic. Marlene followed Sirius up the stairs to the boys’ dorm, and when they got there Sirius settled down on his bed while Marlene sat down opposite him on James’. 

“Do you know?” Sirius didn’t waste any time, staring right at Marlene while he asked. 

“Know what,” Marlene asked. She needed him to say it. 

“That I’m a queer,” Sirius spat out, his face reddening. Marlene winced, unable to help it. 

“I suspected,” Marlene shrugged. The look on Sirius’ face crumpled, and then he started crying. 

“Who else knows,” He asked through his tears. 

“No one,” Marlene crossed the room and sat down next to him, letting Sirius move into her lap and then wrapped her arms around her friend. “Dorcas suspects, I think, but we haven’t discussed it.”

“How did you figure it out?” Sirius looked up at her through his tears. 

“Last year, that first day with Lily’s polaroid camera,” Marlene said. “The photo of the two of you, it looked like the one of Dorcas and I.”

A flash of realization crossed Sirius’ face. “You…” He trailed off, almost scared to say it. 

“I’m gay, Sirius,” Marlene shrugged. “You’re not alone.”

Sirius’ gaze trailed away from her, and she followed where he was looking. One of the walls in the room, the one between James and Peter’s bunks, had a bunch of those polaroid pictures stuck to it. Some of them were from that day, one of James and Peter, James and Sirius, Remus and Peter. Some other ones were more recent, like one of James out on the Quidditch pitch, one of Remus studying, and one of Peter asleep on a couch downstairs. 

The one of Remus and Sirius that day, the one that had been covering the one of her and Dorcas, wasn’t featured on the wall. Marlene watched as Sirius sat up from her lap, opened the drawer of his nightstand, and pulled out the photo. 

“I don’t know what to do, Marls,” Sirius whispered. “I can’t lose him, he’s my best friend.”

“You won’t,” Marlene assured him. “You know you won’t.”

“I don’t know that,” Sirius shook his head. “No one can know that for sure.”

“Maybe not,” Marlene acknowledged. “Who knows, I might be wrong.”

Marlene stopped talking for a moment, watching Sirius stare down at the photo. 

“But Sirius,” Marlene put her hand on his shoulder, and he looked at her. “Friends don’t look at other friends like that. And I think you know that already.”

✧✧✧✧✧

October 3rd, 1977

“We have to just say something,” Dorcas said from where she was sitting on Marlene’s bed, her head in Marlene’s lap. They’d come out to the girls only a few weeks ago, and were still getting used to being able to show little bits of affection for one another. The guys didn’t know yet, but it was a start. Baby steps. 

“What do we say,” Mary asked. “‘Hey, Remus, how’re you today? Oh and by the way, we figured out you’re a werewolf. But don’t worry, we’ve only known since third year.’ That doesn’t really seem like a good or comforting thing to say.”

“Besides, do we even know if Sirius, Peter, and James know? What if they don’t and we say something and out Remus to them by accident,” Marlene pointed out. 

“They definitely know,” Lily shook her head. “They’re stupid, sure, but not that stupid. They share a room with him and they’re all basically glued to each others’ sides.”

“Exactly,” Dorcas said. “When was the last time you saw any of them without at least one of the others? Sirius and Remus are inseparable, and James and Sirius are no better.”

“I think it’s worth the risk,” Marlene spoke up. “We have to tell Remus we know, and there’s no way we can do it without his friends in the room. It’s time.”

One by one, her friends all nodded. It was getting late, the moonlight was streaming through the open curtains. It was a half moon, so Marlene knew Remus would likely be fine. They all got up, put on their slippers or socks, and made their way down to the Common Room. They went as quietly as they could, doing their best not to alert anyone else who may be awake at that hour. Luckily, there was no one downstairs and they managed to head up the stairs to the boys’ dorms without anyone noticing. 

Marlene, being the one closest to the door, knocked as quietly as she could without it being silent. They waited, holding their breath, for what felt like an eternity but Marlene recognized it was likely only a few seconds, until she heard the door handle turn and slowly open. 

“Marlene?” Peter was the one who opened the door, a surprised look on his face. Marlene stepped to the side slightly, to reveal the other three were with her. “What are you all doing here?”

“Can we come in,” Marlene asked, ignoring Peter’s question. “It’s important.”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Peter said, yawning and stepping aside to let the girls in. 

Peter was the only one there, and once he’d closed the door behind Mary he walked back over to settle onto his bed. 

“The others are just getting ready for bed,” Peter explained. 

“No worries,” Lily smiled. “We can wait.”

“What’s this all about,” Peter asked, clearly unable to keep in his confusion and thinly veiled excitement at whatever was about to happen. 

“We’d rather just say it once,” Dorcas said. She’d settled down onto the floor next to Marlene, who had figured that was the safe choice. Marlene didn’t really want any of them to know she’d been up there before, and she felt like sitting on her best friend of the four guys would maybe make it obvious she had been. 

“Fair enough,” Peter smiled. 

Before the conversation could continue, the other three boys came through the door. Their shocked faces were unmatched, and Marlene would have laughed if not for the serious nature of the conversation. 

“Uh oh,” James grinned. “Who died?”

“No one,” Lily rolled her eyes. She was sitting on James’ bed, and Marlene couldn’t help but wonder if it was a coincidence or if she knew. 

“We do need to talk to you about something though,” Dorcas said. Marlene reached out to squeeze her hand, without really recognizing what she was doing, until Remus’ eyes zoned in on it. 

“If it’s about you two being gay for each other, we don’t care,” He said, nodding towards their hands. Marlene started choking on her own spit, which just caused everyone to start laughing. 

With that, the tension that had been hovering over them dissipated. 

“It wasn’t that, but good to know,” Dorcas said through her laughter. 

“What we wanted to say is a bit more serious,” Mary said, trying to get them back on track. 

“Even more Sirius than me,” Sirius asked, still laughing. 

“For the love of Merlin,” Remus said, throwing a pillow at Sirius. “Please shut up.”

“You love me,” Sirius grinned as he threw the pillow back. 

“Eh, jury’s still out,” Remus shot back. 

Marlene almost didn’t want to cut them off, instead wanting them to keep going until Sirius got it through his head that Remus clearly cared about him in the same way Sirius loved Remus, but she also knew they had a tough conversation coming. 

However, before she could come up with the great speech she’d been hoping to say, Mary started talking. 

“Remus, we know you’re a werewolf,” She blurted out. 

Every single pair of eyes in the room turned to her, four of them with pure looks of shock and three of them with various forms of ‘Mary what the fuck we had a plan’ trying to be telepathically said to her. 

“No- What- I’m not-” Remus struggled to get any words out, further proving what the girls had already known. Peter, Sirius, and James all circled him, as if waiting to protect him at a moment’s notice. 

It was nice, Marlene decided, knowing that Remus had such a good support system, always around to help him when needed. Marlene and Lily shared a look. Lily was the closest to Remus of the girls, and she stepped forward a bit to speak next. 

“It’s okay, Re,” She said. As she stepped forward, Sirius moved to stand slightly in between them, like a guard dog. “We love you, we don’t care what you are.”

“It’s fine, Pads,” Remus said, tugging on Sirius’ arm. He moved out of the way, but still had a certain look on his face, like he’d gladly protect Remus with whatever he had. “Stand down.”

“How did you find out,” Remus asked, swapping his gaze between the four of them. “Or when?”

“Third year,” Lily admitted. “Or at least, that’s when we suspected. It was just too much of a coincidence, you disappearing on the full moon or just around it and then coming back with scars.”

“Plus the way these three would act,” Mary added. “They were always worrying about you.”

“Them, worrying about us,” Remus rolled his eyes sarcastically. “I never would’ve guessed.”

“Oh shut up,” Sirius punched Remus’ upper arm playfully. “You love us.”

“Eh, you’re alright,” Remus ruffled Sirius’ hair playfully, and Sirius nearly growled back. 

“Don’t touch the hair, Moony,” He said, pushing it back how it had been before. “It’s perfection, don’t ruin it.” 

Marlene was about five seconds away from telling them to ‘just kiss already’, even though she knew that was definitely a bad idea. The four boys settled down on their bunks, and Lily, Mary, Dorcas, and Marlene settled down around them, Mary on Peter’s bed, Lily on James’ - which she would definitely be getting teased for later - and Dorcas and Marlene still on the floor by Sirius’. 

“Hey, guys,” Mary asked quietly. Everyone turned to her. Marlene could feel the air in the room getting colder, almost in response to Mary’s clear anxiety. “What are we going to do?” She said the second part quieter, almost in an attempt to not be heard. 

None of them had to ask her what she meant. The longer they stayed in school the more they saw the world outside the castle changing. Students they’d all gone to school with were joining the war effort, with names they recognized joining both sides of the fight. 

Sirius’ entire family, including the little brother he refused to talk about - were all very vocal about their support for Voldemort. Peter Parkinson, who had bullied Peter a lot in his fourth year (their second) had also joined. Evan Rosier, one of Sirius’ brother’s friends, had joined alongside as well. Crabbe, Goyle, Carrow, the names went on and on. 

Gideon and Fabian Prewett had both joined the Order of the Phoenix, along with Frank Longbottom and Alice Fortescue. Edgar Bones and Caradoc Dearborn had also joined, something Mary had told them when they came back from the summer break. 

“I’m joining the Order,” Remus broke the silence. “Dumbledore already asked me, and I said yes.” He sounded so sure, his voice didn’t waver or hesitate. 

“If you’re joining, so are we,” Sirius said. Marlene could feel the bed move against her bed and turned to watch as Sirius moved forward towards the centre of the room. He sat down on the edge of his bed, and Marlene leaned over to rest her head against his legs. 

“You don’t have to do-,” Remus protested. 

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” James cut him off. 

“Yeah, Moony, if you think we’re letting you join on your own you’ve got another think coming,” Sirius said. “Where you go, we go. We’ve been doing it since 1971 and we’re not about to change that now.” James and Peter nodded in agreement, and Remus sat back a bit. 

Remus looked like he was about to protest again, but Lily cut him off. “I’m joining too,” She said. “I want to help, and I don’t want you to have to do it alone.”

“Well if you’re all going I am too,” Marlene said. “I can’t let you lot get all the credit now, can I?”

Dorcas rolled her eyes and then kissed the side of her face. “I guess it’s decided,” She smiled. 

The air got heavier, until it threatened to compress Marlene into nothing. She felt like she was about to combust, like she would explode from the inside out and turn into dust and ash. She was only seventeen. They were all so young, getting ready to join a war they really had no right to fight in. 

But it was decided. After school, they would all go join the Order of the Phoenix. 

✧✧✧✧✧

July 22nd, 1978

The oppressive summer heat was making Marlene crazy as she sat in the bushes outside a known death eater hideout with Gideon Prewett. They were silent, the only sounds they could hear was the rustle of the leaves above them.

The first major death had happened, only two days prior to the stakeout they were on. Benjy Fenwick, one of Gideon and Fabian’s best friends, had been brutally murdered by Peter Parkinson, the same boy who’d bullied Peter in school. 

It was all getting a bit real, the fact that they were truly in danger. It was one thing to talk about helping, to talk about the fight. It was another thing altogether to truly live it. Every day, Marlene just hoped and prayed to whoever was listening that everyone would make it out okay. 

Remus was away more often than not, on top secret missions for Dumbledore. He’d return after weeks or months completely battered and bruised, and every time he left again Sirius ended up on Marlene and Dorcas’ doorstep. She always wondered why he didn’t go to James, but she didn’t dare ask. She had a feeling it had something to do with his secret feelings for Remus, the ones that were clearly getting stronger but he refused to talk about. 

Marlene and Gideon were often paired together, as Moody and the other older Order members didn’t like pairing up people who had close relationships. He said it made them stupid. This was a rule that James and Sirius vehemently opposed, and Marlene didn’t really like it either, but at her core knew it was the right decision. Marlene often wondered what exactly classified as a ‘close relationship’, but she knew she’d get in trouble if she asked, so she always decided not to. 

She had no idea how she’d react if something happened to Dorcas while they were on a mission together, and she knew there was no way to predict what any of them would do. So, Marlene was paired with Gideon, James with Frank, Lily with Alice, Peter with Dorcas, Sirius with- 

Well, she wasn’t really sure who Sirius was paired with anymore. He’d been put on essentially bedrest, since he had been with Benjy the night he died. Moody was convinced he was unstable, having witnessed whatever went down that night, and Marlene kind of agreed. 

Marlene and Gideon had been at their post for a few hours, long enough for the sun to go down and the birds to go to sleep. Marlene knew that they were supposed to be relieved at some point, it was Fabian Prewett and Emmeline Vance’s turn after theirs, but there was no sign of them yet. She did her best not to expect the worst, and instead focused on the building in front of her. 

Before long, they heard footsteps behind them and spun around to look. Fabian and Emmeline were approaching them, walking as fast as they could without drawing attention to themselves. 

They were both covered in blood. 

“Oh Merlin,” Gideon muttered as they walked towards them. Marlene could see the panic in his eyes at seeing all the blood on his brother, but neither Marlene nor Gideon dared to move from their post. 

“Merlin, what happened to you too,” Marlene whispered after she cast a muffliato charm. 

“It’s not our blood,” Emmeline said. She was as white as a sheet and looked like she was about to pass out. 

“Whose is it,” Gideon asked. His voice sounded relieved, which Marlene certainly didn’t blame him for. 

“It’s Sirius’.” 

Marlene felt like she was in a trance, somehow present and floating at the same time. Emmeline’s words were floating around in her head, hitting her skull and making her eyes foggy. Too late, she only realized they were tears when Emmeline was wiping them away. 

“He’s alive, Marlene,” Her voice was quiet, calm, and soothing. “He’s at Hogwarts, with James and Peter.”

“I have to go,” Marlene said. She felt like her voice wasn’t attached to herself. 

“I’ll take you,” Gideon put his hands around her shoulders and moved her out from their hiding place. “You can’t apparate like this.”

Normally Marlene would protest, insist she could do it alone, but she couldn’t get the words out. It’s Sirius, It’s Sirius, It’s Sirius.

After the fact, she had no memory of leaving the post, getting to Hogsmeade, the walk to the castle, crossing through the front doors and down to the hospital wing. The castle was silent, which made sense considering it was early in the morning, but it felt creepy. Marlene had never been in the castle when it was this silent before. 

When they got to the giant double doors, Marlene reached out to open them but they opened from within. 

“Ah, Miss McKinnon,” Dumbledore stood in her way. 

“Hello Professor,” Marlene said, itching to get past him and get to her friends. Most of the beds were empty, in plain view, between open privacy curtains. At the back of the room, there was one closed section. Marlene could see shadows moving behind it and feet between the bottom of the curtain and the floor. 

Luckily for Marlene, he moved out of the way without another word, and swept down the hallway with his robes billowing out behind him. He looked almost angry, not that Marlene really cared at that moment. 

With nothing stopping her from running to her friends, she suddenly felt very heavy. Her exhaustion was catching up to her, all the nights without sleep and days without food making her tired and sluggish. 

Slowly, she made her way to the curtain, took a breath, and opened it. The first thing she noticed was Remus, who wasn’t supposed to be back from his most recent mission yet. He was sitting in an uncomfortable chair next to Sirius’ head, with one of Sirius’ hands in his. He was absentmindedly playing with his friend’s fingers, staring off into space. 

The second thing she noticed was James, who looked like he’d been punched in both eyes. Upon further inspection she realized he had definitely been punched in one, but the other one’s bruising was a result of a lack of sleep. His glasses were slipping down his face and he had recent tear tracks, ones that were mirrored on both Remus and Peter. 

The third thing she noticed was that Peter was pacing, the complete opposite to Remus and James’ statuesque poses. He could only go about four feet before he had to turn around, but he did it almost mindlessly. He almost looked like he was talking to himself, but Marlene couldn’t make out what he was saying. He looked like he was in shock, his blonde hair was greasy on his forehead and his jumper was in tatters.

The last thing she noticed was Sirius. She’d been avoiding looking, too afraid of what she’d see. He was always pale, but he looked as white as the sheets he was laying in. It was a deep contrast to his black hair and pink lips, and she mentally related it back to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, the muggle children’s book Lily had shown her way back in first year. 

Most of him was covered by the hospital wing pajamas and white sheets, but everything Marlene could see was covered in cuts and bruises. There was one on his hand that continued up his wrist and under his sleeve, one that went from his lower neck and into his shirt, but the worst one was on his face. It went from his temple to his chin, puffy and red. 

Marlene gasped, hand flying to her mouth, and it caused all three of her friends to instantly turn to face her. James was up and out of his seat before Marlene even knew what was happening, crossing the tiny space and pulling Marlene into a hug. 

“Marlene, Marlene, Marlene,” He whispered into her shoulder. She could feel his tears dampening her shirt but she didn’t care, clinging back and finally letting her own tears fall onto his shoulder. 

“Is he okay,” She asked, too scared to look over at him again. Remus had joined James and Peter, and they formed a little square away from the bed. They clasped hands and bowed their heads so their foreheads touched, and Marlene had never felt more grateful to have friends as good as the ones she’d managed to have. 

“It doesn’t look good.” It sounded like Remus had done more smoking than talking over the last few hours, his voice was so raspy. Marlene spotted a full ashtray and an open pack of cigarettes on the floor by where he’d been sitting, and wasn’t surprised at all. 

“They called Remus back early.” Peter’s words hung in the air around them, reverberating in Marlene’s mind until they didn’t make any sense and were just noise. Peter, who was standing on her left, squeezed her hand tighter. She squeezed his back, hoping he knew how much he was grounding her. 

“What happened,” Marlene asked, voice barely a whisper. 

“Snape happened,” James spat out like his name was a curse. “He used one of his fucked up spells on him.”

“I thought he wasn’t supposed to be going on missions right now?” Marlene felt frantic, so sure she was remembering that correctly. Benjy had only just died, surely they hadn’t sent Sirius out already?

“Dumbledore thought it was time,” Remus said. It was very clear that Remus did not agree with the headmaster’s decisions, but he didn’t actually voice any opinions. “He went out with Edgar Bones, to shut down a minor death eater hang out. Dumbledore said it was a sure thing, it would only have one or two death eaters and they’d be out easy. Clearly, he lied.”

“Snape was there, along with Rosier, Rodolphus Lestrange, and Travers. Edgar brought him here, he was injured too but not as bad,” James said. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead into Marlene’s. She could feel how damp his hair was, surely a mixture of sweat and grease, but she didn’t care. It was comforting to be surrounded by some of her closest friends. 

“It was personal,” Remus said. His voice was still even, but Marlene could feel the anger coming off of him in waves. “There’s no way it wasn’t, with Edgar coming out with barely any scratches and Sirius coming back like-” 

He broke off, and Marlene realized it was because he’d started sobbing. Full body, heart wrenching sobs were coming out of him, and James just barely managed to catch him before he crashed to the ground. He stood up shakily, Remus still sobbing in his arms. His face was bright red, and he kept pushing his fists against his eyes, as if that would stop the tears. 

“Dumbledore only would have pulled Remus away if it was…” Peter broke off, but they all knew what the end of the sentence was. If Dumbledore was willing to pull Remus away from the pack, possibly jeopardizing the mission, it would only be for one reason. 

Sirius was dying. 

Without another word, Remus and James took up their posts again, one on each side of Sirius’ face. Peter sat on the edge of the bed, feet tapping on the floor and eyes swivelling around the room, almost unable to stop moving. Marlene went out from the curtain to grab a chair from nearby, and pulled it over to sit opposite Peter. 

They were silent for a while. Silent as Remus lit a cigarette, silent as he finished it, silent as Madam Pomfrey moved around them to tend to Sirius’ wounds. Marlene lost track of how long they sat there, a silent vigil for their dying friend. 

The next time there was movement, it was Lily quietly entering the room. She stood at James’ shoulder, and didn't talk but she did rest a hand on his upper arm. He leant backwards and she bent down to rest her face on his head. 

James’ eyes were bloodshot, but Marlene could see the calming effect Lily had on him. He slumped over, finally relaxing a bit and letting someone else take on some of the burden. 

Remus, on the other hand, didn’t have that person to look over him. His person, the one who would have been sitting with him at Sirius’ bedside, or James’, or Peter’s, was dying in front of him, and he was powerless to stop it. 

Peter reached out a hand towards him, and Remus met it. James had Lily, and Remus might not have had Sirius but at least he had his friends. They all needed their friends to lean on, more than they ever had before. 

✧✧✧✧✧

July 29th, 1979

Marlene had never seen Lily look as happy as she did standing in a white dress waiting to walk down the aisle. It was the one year anniversary of Sirius waking up, a fact that Marlene still wasn’t sure was a coincidence or not

“Are you excited,” Dorcas asked. The wedding had been simultaneously a long time coming and a completely spontaneous decision, so they hadn’t done much more than get Lily a white dress and get some flowers from Euphemia’s garden. Dorcas was wearing the only dress she owned, a blue strapless dress that hit her knees. Marlene thought she looked ethereal in it. 

“Of course I am,” Lily gushed. “I just can’t believe it’s here.”

“You’re glowing,” Marlene smiled. She’d never once seen Lily look as happy as she did then, standing in Euphemia Potter’s bedroom in a white dress. 

“Are you sure we’re not making a mistake,” She asked. “I love him, but there’s a war going on.” Her smile faded a bit, but not enough to really bring down her mood. 

“Of course not,” Dorcas shook his head. “If anything, that’s exactly why it’s needed.”

Marlene nodded. “Dorcas is right, Lils. We all need this, maybe more than we’ve ever needed anything. This is the first time we’ve all been together since this time last year.” 

This time last year, when they all thought Sirius was dying. 

“True,” Lily said. “I can’t remember the last time I saw Peter, and Remus is around so infrequently it’s a wonder I haven’t forgotten what he looks like.”

“Exactly,” Dorcas laughed. She opened her mouth to continue talking, but whatever she was about to say was cut off by the door opening. 

“Are you ready, dear?” Euphemia poked just her head into the room, and then followed with her body. “It’s just about time.” 

“Wow,” Lily breathed. “Time flies I suppose.”

“It does indeed,” Euphemia’s motherly smile almost made Marlene want to cry. It had been ages since she’d seen her own mother, and she knew it was the same for all her friends. There hadn’t been much time to keep in touch during the war. 

Lily walked forward and took Euphemia’s waiting arm. They smiled together for a moment, and then walked out the door and down the stairs until they were standing in the living room. The curtains that looked out over the backyard were closed and stuck shut with a reversible sticking charm, and Marlene knew that waiting on the other side of those doors were all the rest of their friends, and what little family they had left. 

The wedding march started to play from a charmed record player. It was a muggle tradition Lily had insisted on, and Euphemia and Fleamont had jumped at the chance to do whatever they could for the girl they already considered a daughter. 

Dorcas walked through the doors and Marlene followed her. The first thing she noticed was the enchanted candles hanging in the air. They looked like the ones at Hogwarts only smaller, more like tea lights. The second thing she noticed was James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter all standing at the end of the aisle. 

Sirius and Remus were standing to the right of James, and Peter was on the left. They had decided that Peter would perform the ceremony, something that he had been so proud and excited to do. 

Marlene felt the absence of Mary the closer to the altar she got, it was a gaping hole in their friendship they couldn’t fix. They’d owled her of course, but they’d never gotten a response. She’d told them the war was too much for her only a week and a half after joining the Order, and subsequently decided to leave the wizarding world altogether. It had been a blow, but none of them could fault her for it. It was a scary time, after all, to be a muggleborn wizard. 

She couldn’t hear Lily and Euphemia behind her, but based on James’ gasp and the tears forming in his eyes up at the altar Marlene assumed she was following her. She followed Dorcas all the way up to the altar, taking her place across from Sirius, and then turned to watch Lily walk the last few steps up to James. 

The actual wedding went by way faster than Marlene had ever anticipated. One moment Lily was handing Marlene her flowers and the next James and Lily were kissing with silver rings on their fingers. 

There wasn’t a dry eye in sight, as much as Sirius tried to hide his tears. Dorcas had reached forward at some point to take Marlene’s hand, and they’d stood like that ever since. Remus was just barely crying, his eyes shiny and his nose pink. Peter had nearly started blubbering at one point, somewhere around the “in sickness and in health, until death do us part” section, as the words hit all of them a bit harder than they’d expected. 

It was almost easy in times like this to forget the world they were living in. Only two days before, Remus was with the werewolves, James was out on another multi-day mission, and Peter had been out on a top secret mission from Dumbledore that he refused to tell any of them about. 

“I love you,” Marlene could just barely hear Lily’s whisper over the clapping of their very few friends and family present for the event. 

There were more of them standing than sitting, as the only people not in the wedding party were James’ parents. Lily’s family hadn’t been invited, partly because her horrible sister, Petunia, hadn’t wanted to attend and partly because Lily decided it was too dangerous to be around her muggle parents with Voldemort on the loose. 

James’ response to Lily’s ‘I love you’ was lost to Marlene, as it happened just far enough away that it was lost in the rest of the noise. What wasn’t lost to Marlene, however, was Remus and Sirius. They were standing close together, and Remus was leaning down to whisper something in Sirius’ ear. 

Sirius smiled, and then grinned, and turned just his face to look up at Remus where he was still standing at his shoulder. Remus’ smile was just as wide, but it was a look Marlene recognized well as his ‘Sirius Smile’. Sirius didn’t seem to realize that for all the years he’d looked at Remus, Remus had been looking back. 

Standing there, at Lily and James’ wedding, Marlene knew more than ever that they were meant to be. In a world where Lily and James found each other, why couldn’t Remus and Sirius?

✧✧✧✧✧

September 2nd, 1980

Little Harry was already a month old, and Marlene could hardly believe how fast the time was going. It was so clear James and Lily felt it too, the way their son was growing up alongside them then.

They were no longer children themselves, even if they all still felt that way. At twenty years old, Marlene still felt the same things she did at eleven, and then fourteen, and then sixteen, and then eighteen. She still felt the same for her friends. She was always beyond worry when they went out on missions, and beyond worry when they took too long getting back. 

That especially went for Peter and Remus, who were away more and more on top secret missions none of them could even begin to understand. Remus had been gone so long this time, he’d even missed the birth, and hadn’t gotten to meet him yet. Peter had managed to be there just days after the birth, much to James and Sirius’ delight. 

Their little octet was breaking, slowly enough that Marlene was able to ignore it. First Mary had gone, and then Marlene could feel Peter and Remus slowly breaking away. She often wondered if she was the only one who noticed, as no one ever seemed to say anything. Then she wondered if no one said anything in an effort to keep the peace. Or maybe to pretend it wasn’t happening at all. 

No one wanted to ruin the time they did have together, so they never said anything. Marlene could feel the cracks though. Sometimes she felt as if she’d fall through those cracks altogether. 

Marlene hadn’t been back to James and Lily’s since Harry’s birth. She hadn’t seen any of them since then, because she’d been out on missions when her friends weren’t. She hadn’t even seen Dorcas, despite them living in the same flat. 

“Marlene,” A voice called out behind her, causing to spin around so fast she nearly landed on the ground. She managed to keep her balance, and instead of landing on the grass outside Lily and James’ house, she just lost her balance, landing in Remus’ arms. 

“Remus,” She breathed, throwing her hands around his neck. She would never be able to explain how glad she was when she saw her friends. Even the ones she saw weekly, she never took for granted. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Remus looked dead on his feet, not that Marlene would ever say that to him. His clothes hung off his body, his eyes were dark and bloodshot, with large bags under them. His face was covered in new scars, some of them still fresh. 

“I am too,” He smiled. Despite everything else changing, his smile still remained the same. It was a bit sadder, maybe, but overall still full of that happiness he always felt when he saw his friends. 

“Are you coming in,” Marlene asked, gesturing to the door. “We can go in together, if you want.”

“I’d like that,” Remus smiled at her appreciatively. As they started walking up the pathway, he turned to her. “You’ll all have to fill me in on what I’ve missed.”

Marlene’s heart fell into her stomach. The last month alone had been rough for the Order, and Remus had been away for six months. There was so much - almost too much - to get through. 

“It’s a lot,” Marlene rested her hand on Remus’ upper arm. “Just as a warning.”

All the colour fell from Remus’ face, and his hand reached out to clutch Marlene’s. “Is it-”

“It’s none of us,” Marlene said quickly. “But it’s still…” She trailed off. How do you explain that in only a month most of the major Order members had been killed, tortured, or disappeared? How do you explain that there’s most definitely a spy in the order, and no one knows who it is?

“I guess I have to find out someday. Let’s go inside.” Remus took Marlene’s hand, and then they walked up to the front door together. 

Marlene knocked twice, paused, three times, paused, and then once. It was the secret code, created by James, Lily, and Dumbledore, so the Potters would only open the door to people who knew the code. As far as she was aware, the only people who knew it were their little group. 

“Look who I found,” Marlene said as the door swung open. Standing on the other side of the door were Sirius and Peter, and it was like a dam broke. 

Sirius, who had been a nervous wreck on the brink of tears for the last six months, immediately broke down in tears the second he saw Remus. 

“Remus,” He half screamed half sobbed, reaching out to pull him across the threshold into the house as if he’d disappear if he didn’t. He was clutching onto Remus so hard Marlene was sure he’d break into a thousand pieces, like his clearly battered and bruised body would just deconstruct right there on Lily and James’ welcome mat. 

Remus held him just as firmly, pressing his nose into Sirius’ shoulder and shaking with his own silent sobs. The two of them fell to the floor, Remus’ legs giving out but both of them were too glad to see each other to let go. 

James, clearly having heard the door open and then Sirius’ yell, came running out of the living room and stopped next to Peter, watching Sirius and Remus still hugging on the floor. James and Peter shared a look, and then dropped down next to them, creating a full Marauders-shaped puddle.

Dorcas’ face appeared next, leaning out of the living room to check and see who was there. Upon seeing Marlene her face broke out in a grin and she raced across the room to embrace her. Marlene hugged her back just as firmly, as happy as ever to see her love still there, breathing, in one piece. 

She wondered if they’d ever make it through the war, or if they’d be stuck feeling this way until the day they all died. Sometimes she felt like they were all waiting day by day for each of their deaths until their names were only a hushed whisper, and then there was no one left to remember them. 

“Could you all come have your heart to heart moments in here, please,” Lily’s voice called out. “I kinda have a baby here, can’t really move!”

They all laughed, and James and Peter helped Sirius and Remus off the floor. James and Peter went into the other room first, followed by Sirius and Remus. They were still clutching onto each other, almost like they were afraid that if they let go they’d find out it was all a dream and they’d be torn apart again. 

Marlene followed behind with Dorcas, and when they entered the living room they took the only remaining seat, the armchair in the corner. Dorcas curled up on Marlene’s lap, not that she was complaining, and they looked out at Remus’ homecoming with nothing but happiness. 

He was kneeling on the ground next to Lily’s couch, watching baby Harry sleeping in Lily’s arms. The little boy was so small, so fragile, and Marlene watched as Remus finally got his chance to see the little boy they’d all taken so much time to protect. 

“What have I missed,” He asked, turning around so he was leaning against the couch to face them all. Marlene and Lily made eye contact above his head, both of them unwilling to speak first. How do you explain to your best friend that Order members were dropping left and right, when it looked like that friend was close to dropping himself?

“You’ve missed a lot, mate,” James said, finally breaking Marlene and Lily’s silence. Remus turned to face him, and Marlene was sure it had to be uncomfortable trying to look over his shoulder. 

“People have been dying,” Sirius said quietly, when he realized no one else was going to say it. “Our missions have been going badly, more people dying than we were expecting.”

“There’s a spy,” Peter interjected. His face was as white as a sheet, and he was stuttering more than he had since they were in first year. Marlene felt bad for him, it was so clear that he was in over his head with all the help he’d been giving Dumbledore, but if Dumbledore asked for something you said yes. 

“In the Order,” Remus asked, shock crossing his face. “Do we know who it is?”

“No,” Peter shook his head. “We have no idea.” 

“Oh Merlin,” Remus whispered, running a hand over his face. “Who’s…”

He didn’t finish his sentence, but they all knew what he was asking.

“Gid and Fab,” James said, his voice hollow. “Moody told us it took five men to take them down, said they were the bravest of us all.” 

“Edgar Bones,” Sirius said next. Marlene could see how much that one crushed him. “They killed his entire family. I couldn’t… I couldn’t save him.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Peter said, reaching out to him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have done more,” Sirius said. His whole face was breaking apart again, and Marlene could see how much it was still crushing him, even after three months. Sirius and Edgar had been paired up again after Sirius woke up, and they’d been fighting together ever since. Edgar had saved Sirius, and Marlene could see how much regret he had that he hadn’t managed to do the same. 

“Sirius,” Remus said, standing on unsteady legs and falling down at Sirius’ feet. “You couldn’t have done anything more, you did everything you could.”

“You don’t know that,” Sirius shook his head. “You weren’t there.”

Tears were still falling down his face, and Marlene wished she could fix him up again and take away some of the hurt. She wished she could do that for all of her friends, make them all happy with no worries and no experiences with death, but she couldn’t. Instead she could only watch as her two friends, who were so clearly meant for each other, skirted around their feelings. 

“But I know you,” Remus said, still kneeling in front of Sirius. “I know you, Pads. You did everything you could.” 

Marlene felt bad, like she was intruding on a private moment, and she felt Dorcas adjust a little in her lap. When she looked down, Dorcas was crying too, silent tears that were getting caught in her braids and falling onto Marlene’s shirt. 

“Who else,” Remus asked after a few seconds. He was still sitting at Sirius’ feet, head bowed over their joined hands. His hair was longer than Marlene had ever seen it, and it covered their hands and joined in with Sirius’ also longer hair, merging like they were one. 

“Dean Thomas,” Dorcas offered up next. She was still crying onto Marlene’s shirt, and Marlene held her closer, wishing there was more she could do. “He left his wife and son, trying to protect them. He refused to join the Death Eaters, and they killed him.”

“Caradoc disappeared,” Lily gave the next name. “No one’s seen him in months, we’re assuming-” She broke her sentence with a sob. 

The only one of them who wasn’t crying was Harry, still fast asleep in his mum’s arms. Marlene was struck again by that reminder that life was still going on. The list of casualties was long, but there was a new list. A list of new life. 

They were in the middle of discussing the spy when there was a knock at the door. Twice, pause, three times, pause, once. 

They all looked at each other, almost taking count of who was all there. They weren’t missing anyone, which left two options. 

Either Dumbledore was outside, or Voldemort. 

Peter was as white as a sheet when he got up. “I’ll get it,” He said, but it sounded more like a question. His eyes glanced between them and the door. “I’ll get it,” He said again, but stronger. 

They all waited, as silent as they could be, as he crossed the room. Harry woke up, but almost like he knew how important silence was at that moment, he didn’t make a sound. Lily looked down at him, smiling fondly, and held him closer, shielding him with her body. 

Marlene didn’t miss how James rose slightly, as if ready to jump in front of whoever was at the door and Lily and Harry. She didn’t miss it, because she’d done the same thing. She sat up, wand drawn, holding Dorcas as tightly as she could. Remus had done the same, rising up off the floor to stand in front of Sirius. He looked just as dead as he had before, but there was a new fire in his eyes. 

It was silent for a moment, and then they heard footsteps. Peter came through the door first, followed quickly by Albus Dumbledore. 

“Ah, you’re all here,” He said, glancing at them all over his glasses. “Lovely.”

“Hi Professor,” Remus said, not moving from in front of Sirius. Albus looked at him for a moment, eyes taking inventory of all of Remus’ injuries and scars, before smiling a little bit. 

“Hello Remus,” He said. “Glad to have you back.”

Sirius scoffed from behind Remus, but didn’t say anything. Albus ignored them, and instead motioned for them all to stand down. Remus sat down next to Sirius, but Marlene didn’t miss the way he didn’t lean back, still on edge. 

“What can we do for you,” James asked, looking between his friends and Dumbledore. 

“I’ve just been given news, from a source close to me, about something that greatly affects people in this room.”

Everyone looked at each other, confused and scared. Marlene was pretty sure she’d never seen Peter so anxious, and she reached over to him to squeeze his shoulder in support. He smiled at her, but it was hollow. She smiled back, wishing she could transfer some of her strength to him. 

“There is a prophecy, one that Voldemort thinks may be about Harry,” Dumbledore said, cutting right to the chase. “It’s possible it’s not about him, it may be about Neville Longbottom, but my source has informed me that Voldemort is very sure it’s about Harry. The prophecy says that a boy born at the end of July will have the power to end Voldemort’s life.”

“Voldemort thinks his demise stands in the hands of my one month old baby?” Lily’s voice was a mix of terror and incredulity. “Are you joking?”

“I wish I was, but unfortunately, I am very serious,” Dumbledore said. Marlene could see the idea of making a Sirius/Serious joke pass over both Remus and Sirius’ faces, but neither of them made it. It still made Marlene smile inwardly, glad that despite the time and distance they were still managing to keep their sense of humour. 

“We’ve decided to set up a number of safehouses, including yours, so that there can be an extra layer of protection. Two of them will be this one and the Longbottoms’. The other ones,” Dumbledore paused for a moment, glancing between Sirius and Remus. “The other ones I cannot name, but there are five in total.”

Marlene narrowed her eyes at Dumbledore. Lily, James, Dorcas, and Peter may have missed that look, but Marlene didn’t. Dumbledore thought Remus or Sirius was the spy. Marlene could laugh at the absurdity that he could think it was any of them, let alone one of the Marauders. 

It was like Dumbledore didn’t know them at all. 

It was clear from the look Sirius and Remus exchanged that they’d also caught the pause. They didn’t say anything, and neither did Marlene. Dumbledore left pretty quickly after that, and once he was gone they all just stared at each other for a few minutes. 

They could hear him mumbling outside, giving the house the necessary charms to make it a safehouse, and after a while it was just silence. They all looked at each other, sat in James and Lily’s living room, and Marlene could feel all the air in the room being sucked out. 

The terror on Lily and James’ face was so apparent, the rest of them all flocked to the couch to comfort them. 

“He wants to kill Harry, James,” Lily sobbed. “What do we do?”

“It’ll be okay,” James said through his own tears. “It’ll be okay, he won’t get to him.”

“It’s true, Lils,” Sirius nodded. “He won’t be able to get through us, there’s no way.”

They all gathered close together, piling on the couch so they were all basically on top of each other. If Marlene closed her eyes she could almost pretend they were back in the Gryffindor common room. Some things were different. The baby being carefully cradled in Lily’s arms was the major one, but Marlene could feel the absence of Mary’s bony arms elbowing her sides. 

They all stayed like that, as close as they could, until Lily had to pee and Peter’s foot fell asleep and James had to go put Harry down for his nap. Every bone in Marlene’s body felt so reluctant to move, too comfortable reverting back to their school days, but she pulled herself away from the old comforts and back to the harsh reality of their lives. 

“You all should stay,” James said as the dusk turned into night and the last of the sun set. The living room was covered in darkness, the only light on the one spilling in from the kitchen. 

“Please do,” Lily added. “You never know when we’ll all be together like this again.”

That unspoken thing came back, the one none of them wanted to say aloud. The one that sounded a lot like ‘You never know who might be the next to die.’

“I’d like that,” Marlene smiled. Dorcas squeezed her hand, a silent agreement, and Marlene squeezed back. 

No one else said anything, but they didn’t have to. Silently they set up the living room as a bedroom, dragging pillows and blankets in from their bedroom and the guest bedroom to share. They levitated the mattress from James and Lily’s bed onto the floor by the door to Harry’s bedroom for James and Lily to sleep on, and then the one from the guest bedroom for Marlene and Dorcas. 

Remus and Sirius changed the pullout couch into a bed together, in a way that screamed to Marlene that they’d definitely done it before. Their hands brushed as they were pulling the fitted sheet over the corners of the mattress and Marlene noticed how Sirius’ blush matched Remus’, but they didn’t look at each other. 

Marlne turned away for a moment to sit down next to Dorcas, pulling the blanket over them both. Dorcas leaned over to kiss her before lying on her back. Her fingers traced over Marlene’s back, tracing shapes over her skin and shooting sparks up her spine in a way that only Dorcas could. 

When she turned back to her friends, they were lying down on the mattress that Marlene was sure was more uncomfortable than any other furniture ever created, if the clear lumps in the mattress were anything to go off of. 

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” Marlene said into the dim room. 

“It feels like old times,” Lily agreed as she turned to face them. James’ arm covered her stomach over the covers, and Marlene noticed how tightly he was holding on. 

“It’s nice,” Sirius added, reaching out his wand to the lamp and plunged them all into darkness. 

“I’ve missed you,” Remus said quietly. Marlene was pretty sure it was only supposed to be for Sirius’, ears, and she knew that even more when she heard Sirius’ response. 

“I’ve missed you too, Moony.”

✧✧✧✧✧

November 2nd, 1981

The war was over. Marlene could hardly believe it, but it was true. They’d somehow managed to get through it unscathed, with the only casualty of their friend group being Peter’s newfound absence. 

None of them had seen it coming, Marlene was sure of that. The idea that any of them would betray their friends would have sent Marlene laughing even four days prior, but that was no longer an absurd possibility. All alone, for at least a year, Peter had been Voldemort’s spy. 

No one was taking it worse than Sirius and James, who’d been there to witness the whole thing. Sirius had come to their quick rescue, managing to surprise Voldemort from behind and end him, hopefully for good. He hadn’t, however, been quick enough to do anything to Peter, who had fled quicker than Marlene ever could have expected. 

Only two days before, Sirius, Remus, and Harry had nearly died, and one of their best friends had betrayed them, nearly causing it. Only one week before, Marlene had nearly died. Only two weeks before, Dorcas had nearly left her girlfriend-less and absolutely devastated. 

Somehow, against all odds, none of those things happened. 

They hadn’t managed to meet up, despite the end of the war. Sirius was stuck in St. Mungo’s, and they hadn’t been allowed to visit. November 2nd was the end to their ban, however, so Marlene was moving as fast as she could to get there. 

The last time Siirus had been bedridden, Sirius had been dying. Luckily, that wasn’t the case this time. This time, he was very much alive. 

Marlene got to the telephone box earlier than she’d expected, Dorcas’ hand firmly clasped in her own. They’d been inseparable, not that Marlene was opposed. She would take any time, because no time would ever be enough. 

“Who are you looking for,” The nurse asked when they arrived at the desk. 

“Sirius Black,” Marlene said. “He’s a friend.”

“Oh good,” She smiled up at them from behind the counter. “He’s been waiting for visitors, he’ll be very happy to see you.”

“Are we the first ones to visit?” Marlene could hardly hide the shock from her voice. She was sure someone else would’ve been there by then. James and Lily at the very least, but there were so many people who would want to check in with Sirius after this war. 

“No no, just the first ones today,” She said as she typed on her computer. “Room 133, the last one on the left.”

“Thank you,” Dorcas smiled, and then pulled Marlene along behind her towards the room. Marlene felt heavy, which was weird. She hadn’t felt like this since the last time Sirius had been in a hospital, and that was for a very different reason than that day. 

They stopped in front of the closed door, squeezing each others hands. They both wanted to go in, but neither of them wanted to be the one to do it. Not that Marlene would ever admit it out loud, but she was scared. She was scared of what would be on the other side of the door, scared of what the end of the war means, scared of what happens when they sit down and realize everything they’d really lost. 

“I love you,” Dorcas whispered. She leaned up to press a kiss to Marlene’s temple, and she felt herself melt down into the touch. 

“I love you too,” She murmered back. “So much.” 

“We’ll be okay,” Dorcas said into Marlene’s shoulder. “It’ll all be okay, we have each other.”

We Have Each Other. 

That had been the motto of their group since the beginning. At Hogwarts, planning on joining the Order after they all graduated, We Have Each Other. After joining the Order, getting Mary’s owl saying she was leaving, joining her family and leaving the Wizarding World for good, We Have Each Other. Sirius lying comatose in a bed, closer to death than any of the rest of them had been at that point, We Have Each Other. Harry’s birth, finding out Voldemort thought he was the child in some prophecy set out to kill them all, We Have Each Other. 

Marlene wasn’t sure when it happened, but somehow their ‘We Have Each Other’ had shrunk.

But one of their ‘We Have Each Other’s was on the other side of that door, and Marlene was determined to get through this interaction without turning into a sobbing pile of hair dye and snot on the floor. 

“Let’s go,” She said, and Dorcas reached out to knock. 

“Come in,” A voice said from the other side. It sounded like Sirius, but it also didn’t at the same time. It made Marlene even more nervous to look, too scared she’d find something she doesn’t want to - too scared her ‘We Have Each Other’ had shrunk even more, without her knowing it. 

Dorcas turned the knob, and then opened the door. Sirius was sitting in the hospital bed, in the middle of the room. His hair was clean, recently cut, and shinier than Marlene had seen it in a while. His face had some colour, although not enough for Marlene’s liking. 

“Marlene!” Sirius’ grin nearly split his face open, and Marlene tore her hand out of Dorcas’ and passed the room in two strides to land in his lap. 

“Sirius,” She grinned into his shoulder. “Oh Merlin, Sirius, I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Easy, McKinnon,” Sirius laughed. “If you’re not careful Dorcas will realize she’s second fiddle to me.”

“Shut up,” Marlene said, through teary laughter. She was a bit embarrassed, if she was being honest, that she’d started crying so quickly. 

She didn’t used to cry. She was tough. The only sister in a house full of brothers. Star Gryffindor beater. She figured she deserved this, though. 

“Don’t flatter yourself Sirius,” Dorcas snorted. “You’re still a man, at the end of the day.”

“You are such a lesbian,” Sirius grinned. Marlene could feel it on her cheek, where Sirius was pressing his face. He was holding onto her just as tightly as she was him, and it was the main reason why she didn’t feel the need to move. 

Dorcas and Sirius kept talking, mostly over top of her, and she managed to ignore it for a while. It was comforting, listening to them talk. Dorcas had pulled up a chair next to Sirius’ bed, and was holding Marlene’s hand in hers. Marlene was still in Sirius’ personal space, but neither of them really felt the need to move. 

“Are we interrupting anything,” A voice said from the door. Marlene tore her head up in time to see James’ black hair bolting across the room, and then felt his weight as he sat down on the bed and laid his head over her ribs. 

“Hey Prongs,” Sirius grinned. “Welcome to the party.”

“Happy to be here,” James answered. Lily pulled up a chair next to Dorcas, and Marlene lifted her head to smile at her friend. 

The bed was getting very warm, something that Marlene wasn’t a huge fan of, but she wasn’t complaining. She’d had enough cold nights to last a lifetime. In the past she probably would have gotten up by then, but something held her back. 

We have each other. She didn’t want to ruin the moment, or take away the small comforts they still had. 

James and Lily were showing them a photo, one of Harry riding on a little broom Sirius got him, when there was a little tap on the window. They all looked over to see a big brown owl sitting on the ledge outside the window. 

“What on Earth,” Lily muttered, going over to open it up. There was a letter in its claws, and when Lily took it Marlene noticed the Sirius Black written in neat cursive. The owl nipped her, and she quickly stepped away. “I don’t have anything for you, sorry.”

If an owl could look mad, this one would. It quickly took off from the window, and Lily closed it behind it. 

“Here,” She said, crossing the room and handing it to Sirius. “Open it.”

“It has the hospital’s crest on it,” James said, leaning over to look. “I wonder what’s inside.”

It felt like all of them held their breath as Sirius carefully ripped open the envelope. He read it, and tears immediately started getting into his eyes. A few dripped down onto the paper, and Marlene watched as they hit the paper and sunk in. 

“It’s Remus.” Sirius’ voice was hollow, with less emotion in it than Marlene had ever heard. 

“What’s Remus,” James asked, leaning in to read over Sirius’ shoulder. “Sirius-” He stopped talking as he started to read. 

“What? What is it?” Marlene also leaned in, at the same time as Dorcas and Lily. 

To Mr. Sirius Black

We have you listed in our records as Mr. Remus Lupin’s emergency contact. We regret to inform you that as of 13:34 on November 2nd, 1981 Mr. Lupin has been admitted to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries in critical condition. 

If you have any questions feel free to owl back or come to St. Mungo’s Floor 2 and ask to speak to Healer Wilson. 

Sincerely, 

Head Healer MacLeod

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring at the letter. Marlene’s vision was starting to swim, and she couldn’t tell if it was because she was crying or just in shock. 

Sirius jumped up, pushing James and Marlene off of him in the process. Dorcas managed to catch her before she fell on the ground, and Marlene put all her weight on her girlfriend, grateful for the hands around her waist and the lips in her hair. 

James landed on the ground, glasses askew, and if it had been any other day Marlene would have rolled around laughing. Not this time. 

“I have to go,” Sirius said, pulling the hoodie James had taken off earlier on over his hospital gown. “I have to see him.”

“Sirius, you can’t,” Lily said, trying to push him to sit down again. “You’re not supposed to leave. Your ankle-”

“I’m fine Lily,” Sirius shook his head. He was clearly not fine, but none of them said that. “It’s Remus.” 

“I know, but Sirius-” Lily said, still trying to get Sirius to sit back down. 

“No ‘but Sirius’,” Sirius shook his head. “It’s Moony, Lily. I have to go.”

Marlene could see Lily’s answer wavering, the hesitation in her eyes changing. 

“Fine,” She shook her head. “We’re coming with you though, and you have to go in a wheelchair.”

“Fine,” Sirius answered, clearly not happy about it, but he got into the chair Lily stole from the nurse’s station. 

“Let’s go,” James said, wiping away his own tears to push Sirius’ wheelchair out of the room. His hair was falling in his face as he went, and since he couldn’t wipe them away anymore his tears were sticking to his glasses. 

“Let me,” Dorcas took the wheelchair from him, letting James fall back and walk with Lily. He took his glasses off and stuffed them in his pocket, wiping his tears away with one hand and letting Lily guide him with the other. 

They didn’t speak as they walked down the hallway to the elevator and then rode the elevator down to the second floor. Marlene was shocked no one stopped them, but they were all crying and in a hospital so she figured nurses probably saw them and said nothing because of that. 

“Excuse me,” Marlene said when they reached the reception desk on the second floor. “We’re looking for Remus Lupin?”

“And you are?” The woman behind the desk asked, one eyebrow raised behind her reading glasses. Marlene thought she looked a bit like McGonagall, if the professor was ten years older and also mean. Maybe not the best descriptor then. 

“His friends,” Sirius answered. “I’m his emergency contact.”

“Young man,” The nurse said, looking incredibly scandalized. “Are you a patient here yourself? Why have you left your room?”

“Weren’t you listening? Our friend is here, please just tell us where to go to see him,” Sirius said instead of answering. 

“I really must insist you go back to your room, I will send someone to give you a full report on your friend, Mr.,” She trailed off, looking for his name. 

“I’m not going back to my room,” Sirius shook his head. “Remus is here somewhere, alone and probably scared. I don’t know what he’s been told about the end of the war, but please I need to be there for him.”

“I’m sorry Sir, my hands are tied. You’re a patient here, you need to go back to your room.” 

Marlene could see Sirius getting more and more frustrated by the second, He was clenching his hands into fists and then unclenching them, something she’d only ever seen him to around Snape, when he was trying to keep from punching him back when he was bullying Lily. 

“I’m not taking no for an answer,” Sirius got out through gritted teeth. “So either you tell me, or I yell ‘Remus’ at the top of my lungs until he hears me or someone else tells me.”

“Well,” The woman faltered. “I suppose just this once.”

“Great, thank you,” Sirius said, not really sounding all that thankful. Not that Marlene blamed him, she was pretty sure she’d act the same if Dorcas was somewhere in the hospital. 

Of course, she was also dating Dorcas. Meanwhile Sirius and Remus were ‘Just Friends’. As if. 

“Room 219, just down that hallway and on the right.” She looked the opposite of happy giving them the room number, but didn’t say anything else about Sirius being a patient and needing to go back to his room. 

“Thank you,” Sirius answered, somewhat smugly. 

“Yeah, thank you,” Lily said, a lot kinder than Sirius had. The rest of them nodded in agreement and then made their way down the hallway. 

Since Dorcas was pushing Sirius’ wheelchair, that left James and Lily to walk with Marlene. Lily was in the middle, squeezing James and Marlene’s hands so tightly Marlene was sure it would cut off her circulation at some point. 

Sometimes Marlene forgot that Remus was Lily’s Sirius. For all the years Marlene and Sirius had known each other, grown as people together, and grown closer, Lily and Remus had done the same thing. When Sirius had been in the hospital, Lily had been there for her, and this time around Marlene was determined to do the same for her. 

They all needed their friends, and besides. We have each other. It was time to prove it, since they’re numbers were trickling down and down and down. 

Marlene was pretty sure she was leading James and Lily down the hallway behind Dorcas and Sirius. James still had his glasses off, tears streaming down his face and he was hiding slightly behind his hands. He was fully sobbing, full body tears that Marlene could hear in her ears and feel in her soul. Lily was no better, silently sobbing as her tears stained her hoodie. 

When they stopped, Dorcas and Sirius did so so suddenly that Marlene nearly tripped into Dorcas’ back. Instead, she stopped abruptly and looked over Dorcas’ head at the closed door. 

Remus Lupin was written on a card next to the door, along with some medical information Marlene didn’t know how to decipher. They all paused, no one wanting to open the door and walk through first. Finally, Sirius stood unsteadily and took a step forward. 

“Sirius, sit down,” Dorcas cautioned, reaching a hand out to steady him. “You’ll make your ankle worse.”

“I have to see him.” Sirius’ voice was filled with anxiety and terror, something Marlene was definitely used to but wished she didn’t have to hear. The war was over, so why were they still fighting?

“Sit down,” Dorcas said again. “Marlene, please get the door.”

Marlene moved around Dorcas and set her hand on the handle, but didn’t open it until Sirius was securely back in the wheelchair. 

“Here we go,” She muttered as she turned the handle, and then stepped out of the way for Sirius and James to go in first. Before Marlene even saw him, Sirius gasped. 

“Remus,” He whispered, so quietly Marlene could barely hear him. “Oh no, Remus.” 

Before any of them could say anything, Sirius was across the room and sitting on the side of Remus’ bed. Dorcas opened her mouth to scold him, but when she caught sight of how distraught he was, she shook her head and closed her mouth. 

Considering how many of his bones were broken and how much internal bleeding he had, he moved fast. Marlene had no idea how he did it, but maybe he was just a medical marvel. 

Or maybe it was adrenaline. Fueled by the idea that the person he loved may not wake up, the same way Remus had those years ago when Sirius had been lying in the Hogwarts hospital wing. 

“Moony please,” Sirius sobbed into Remus’ chest. “Wake up, please. You can’t leave me. Moony.” Marlene had already been crying, but Sirius’ monologue was making her sob even more. The pure terror and heartbreak in his words would be enough to send anyone into misery, and it was made worse by the fact that it was coming from one of her best friends, about another one of her best friends. 

They all crowded around Remus’ bedside, Marlene and Lily on one side, Sirius, James, and Dorcas on the other. James had taken hold of one of Remus’ hands and Lily had the other one. They were holding onto them as tightly as they could, just like how they’d been holding onto each other before. 

Dorcas had her hand on James’ shoulder, trying to give him enough of her support as she could. Marlene was doing the same for Lily, letting Lily leave her body weight on Marlene. Sirius was in the bed, lying as close to Remus as he could. It had to have been uncomfortable, those hospital beds are really only made for one, but he didn’t care. He was sobbing into Remus’ shoulder, with one arm hooked over his waist. 

His face and arms were covered in scratches, some old and healing poorly and others clearly fresh. Most of them were infected, and Marlene recognized some of the potions and balms set on them in an effort to heal it. His hair was matted and longer than Marlene had ever seen it, with curls falling down past his chin. 

The white sheets were turning grey with Sirius’ tears, loud body-wracking sobs that echoed through the room and Marlene’s skull. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen Sirius this distraught. 

They stayed like that for a while, as the sun went down outside and the nurses came and went to change out bandages. No one said anything about Sirius, which Marlene was grateful for. Sirius’ sobs silenced after a while, still there just quieter. Every so often Marlene could hear him whispering, so quiet she couldn’t make out the words. 

Around seven Marlene started hearing movement. It was soft, and slow, and she was pretty sure she was imagining it at first. Until Sirius’ soft gasp, and he shot up in the bed looking down at Remus. 

“Moony,” He whispered. Marlene could see Remus stirring, the telltale signs he was waking up, and she watched alongside her friends, too afraid to breathe, move, or say anything. 

“What?” Remus’ voice was scratchy, like he hadn’t spoken for a long time. He coughed, and squeezed his eyes shut. “What’s happening?”

“Moony,” Sirius’ voice cracked. “Oh Merlin.” 

“Pads?” Remus’ head turned towards Sirius but didn’t open his eyes. “Are you really here, or is this a really realistic dream? Or hallucination?”

“Moony, open your eyes,” Sirius said. He was smiling, but the tears were still streaming down his face. Remus squeezed his eyes closed again, and then slowly opened them. His eyelids fluttered a bit, shielding himself against the lights, and Marlene reached over to turn them down. 

Remus didn’t notice though, every part of his body was focused on Sirius. 

“You’re real.” The awe in Remus’ voice as he spoke was unmatched, a tone Marlene had never heard before. “You’re really here, aren’t you?”

“I’m really here,” Sirius confirmed. His smile was so wide it nearly broke his face in half, something Marlene hadn’t seen in… 

Well, years. It had been years since she’d seen Sirius this happy, and she was so glad this old Sirius was back. 

“What happened, did we win?” Remus asked. He looked over their group, gaze scouring for any new injuries since the last time they’d seen him. “Where’s Wormy?”

The huge smile on Sirius’ face immediately dropped. They all moved in closer to each other, as if that would protect from all the terrible things outside the four walls of that hospital room. 

“We won,” Lily confirmed. “Voldemort came to our house, on October 31st. Peter-” She broke off, succumbing to her tears again. 

“Peter sold us out to Voldemort,” James took over. “He was our secret keeper, and he betrayed us. Luckily Sirius had a bad feeling and showed up right in time, he killed Voldemort. Peter, though. He retaliated, got Sirius pretty good and killed twelve muggles in an attempt to frame him for murder. The aurors got there right in time, and he’s in custody. He’s going to Askaban.”

They sat in silence as Remus processed the news. Sirius curled back up beside Remus, curling into his side. One of Remus’ hands carded through his hair almost unconsciously, combing out all the tangles with his fingers. 

It took Marlene a few minutes to realize he was crying, silent and motionless sobs into Sirius’ hair. Sirius didn’t move, the only thing that showed he noticed was his hand running over Remus’ side. 

It was easy to forget sometimes that SiriusandJames was just like RemusandPeter . As inseparable Sirius and Remus was, so was Sirius and James and Remus and Peter. Their friendship was really just two pairs that got together and intertwined their lives so fully it was hard to tell where one of them ended and another one began. 

“Re,” Sirius whispered after a while. “Remus, look at me.” 

Remus kept his eyes closed, even as Sirius sat up, tracing over his face with a finger. He squeezed his eyes as tight as he could, shaking his head as if it would stop all the thoughts from bouncing around in there. 

“Moony, please,” Sirius said quietly. “Look at me.”

When Remus opened his eyes again, they were glassy. He wasn’t actively crying anymore, but the ghost of those sobs remained. Marlene could see how much it was killing Sirius, how every tear was breaking him apart piece by piece. 

Marlene felt a bit awkward, like she was intruding on a moment that she wasn’t supposed to witness. If the way James was staring up at the ceiling and how Lily was staring resolutely out the window was anything to go off of, they were both feeling it too. She locked eyes with Dorcas, who wordlessly nodded towards the door. 

“We’re going to go,” Marlene said quietly. “To give you some time, to catch up.” James and Lily nodded, getting up as well. 

Sirius turned to her, and she raised an eyebrow. ‘It’s time, Sirius’, she hoped it said. ‘Tell him, before it’s too late.’

He didn’t make any sign he understood her thoughts, but he did smile. A silent thank you, although Marlene wasn’t sure what for. She followed Lily, James, and Dorcas out the door, and paused just before exiting. 

When she turned around, Remus and Sirius’ faces were so close together she wasn’t sure if they could physically get any closer. Sirius said something, and Remus smiled. He said something else, and Remus nodded. He said a third thing, and that ‘Sirius’ smile that Marlene loved so much broke on Remus’ face. 

Without another word, he reached forward, took Sirius’ face in his hands, and pulled him into a kiss. Sirius instantly melted into it, tangling his fingers in Remus’ hair. 

“Finally!” Marlene exclaimed, unable to hold it in. Sirius and Remus break apart laughing. 

“Marlene McKinnon,” Dorcas said, breaking through Sirius and Remus’ laughter. “Stop eavesdropping on our friends and their moment, let’s go please.”

“It’s fine,” Sirius winked at her. “After all these years watching me pine she deserves this, I think.”

“I fucking told you so Black,” She crowed. “I told you so, I told you so, I told you so!”

“Are you done yet,” Remus asked. “If you wouldn’t mind I’d really like to kiss my boyfriend again.” Sirius’ ears went pink in a way Marlene would definitely tease him about later. For that moment, though, she would leave. 

Sirius and Remus’ whispered ‘I love you’s were the last things she heard before she closed the door. 

We have each other.