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Piece of shit.
The crowd at the dorm room party surged around him and he felt his back hit a door frame. His shirt was too tight on his stomach, his packer was obviously fake; they could all tell and they were all looking at him.
Fucking waste of space.
His fathers voice still rung in his ears and the empty can he held made a crunching sound when he crushed it.
You'll never be a real man. That surgery is a waste of our money and you'll regret it.
He did regret it, the money part atleast. He loved his new chest but the nearly 10k spent was far too much just to make him comfortable. That's what his brain told him anyway.
'Hey!'
He looked up.
It was Rajib, a handsome tiger guy from one of his classes. They sat next to each other but didn't talk. Antisocial.
'So, lame party right?'
'Uh,' The black bird paused, fucking fairy, before laughing. 'Yeah, totally.'
The tiger feigned shock, a hand to his chest. 'This is my room.'
'Oh.'
Fucking shithead asshole, you know how much they all fucking hate you you fatass leeching transvestite scum-
'Joking! I'm Joking.'
Jakob breathed out and he felt his shoulders relaxed.
Rajib placed a strong hand on his shoulder and scooted next to him, both of them looking over the rest of the party.
The bird felt his feathers stand on end.
'You know,' the tiger started, 'I don't actually know a lot of them.'
He pointed to a gator in the corner, 'I know Lee,' then he pointed to a fennec in the midst of beer pong, 'and I know Jessie.'
He let his hand fall to his side. 'And I guess I know my roomie, but I haven't actually talked to people yet.'
He must be like you then Jaks, a regular faggot.
He nudged Jakobs shoulder, 'I could get to know you, though.'
'I- I guess, but we don't have a lot of classes together, though.'
'I mean-'
'I guess we do have History but I doubt I'll be able to take notes and talk at the same-'
'Jakob.'
The tiger wrapped an arm around his shoulder. 'Sorry if I'm being obtuse but I'm just trying to, you know...' He gestured his arm.
Oh- He was flirting. He was flirting with me.
Worthless piece of shit.
'I'm so sorry-'
'Hey, hey!' Rajib interjected. 'It's not your fault. I'm a bit shit at talking about stuff, feelings mainly.'
The bird blinked away the tears that welled in his eyes and smirked, 'I guess I am too.'
You fucking know it.
The tigers arm was still wrapped around him and Jakob could smell the aftershave he'd put on: sweet, but still musky enough to not remind him of burning sugar.
He leaned into the tigers side. 'I wouldn't mind it, you know?'
Of course you wouldn't you attention whore.
The tigers eyes widened before narrowing. 'Would you now?'
♡
Everything hurt.
He was still in bed next to Rajib on Saturday, staying the night on the account of having no classes the next day.
The tigers muscular arm was wrapped around him, pulling him in to spoon.
It was nice.
You would like it, wouldn't you.
What does that mean?
I mean you would like his body, you sissy.
I thought I was still a girl to you.
Trust me, you are. You're still a girl to him too.
He came up to me thinking I was cis.
Did he though? Or did he come up to you knowing you'd be an easy fuck?
Enough.
The only reason he talked to you is because he wanted to fuck you.
We talked about other things.
Did you though? Or did you talk about class while he though about drilling into you?
You are fucking gross.
I AM you, and you know yourself just how fucking gross you are, don't you? You think about it every time someone talks to you or looks at you or thinks about you and you hate yourself for it. You hate yourself but you can't bring yourself to change because it hurts to be anything else. You can't look at yourself in a mirror without thinking about which cutlets of meat you would get rid of, which parts of your brain you would forfeit to feel better about yourself, to alleviate of the pain of being you.
Shut up.
You hate yourself; more than you do your father or any of the bullys you can't bring yourself to stand up to.
Shut the fuck up.
You are a waste of space, midwestern tranny who can't even bring themself to the right end of a razor blade.
'Please shut up,' The bird whimpered out.
'Jaks?'
The bird looked over his shoulder at the tiger, who was looking with a deep concern at him.
'It's nothing.'
The tiger held him closer. 'It doesn't sound like nothing.'
'Just-' The bird thought.
'Just hold me.'