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Nao has always favored high places. Both him and his brother. They've always found solace in high places, on a tree maybe, or a rooftop, sometimes even a bridge. Just somewhere that they can view the lower grounds at a comfortable height. Nao was never one to have fear over heights - in fact he doesn't fear alot of stuff. Even though he's barely a teenager, he's experienced enough unpleasant stuff and has seen the cruel side of the world more than he'd like.
So yes, Nao thinks that if there's one general space that he'd label as 'safe', it'd be high places. The higher the better – after all, the higher he is means lower possibility of getting caught. By what, that differs. It could be authority figures, petty thugs, and perhaps wild dogs on lighter days.
High places provides him a rare blessing and moment to collect his thoughts. Staring into the sky while his mind run loose. Allowing him to relax his tense muscles that's always on high alert for any and all possible danger.
But his thoughts can bring him far. Rational and collected ones become immature and illogical. Two words that he'd never allow himself to express out in the open world. But it's different up here where he's multiple times safer than down there.
So he permits himself the freedom, the rare chance to just let his mind run free. Sometimes he indulges himself in a play pretend world. One where he would imagine that he was living with a happy family. One where he had friends to talk to and to play with. Teachers that would care for him whenever he got hurt at school. Coming home to warm meals and a comfy bed awaiting him every night.
Other times, he fleets around the what-ifs. What if his gloves never went off while he was playing outside that day. What if he had denied the older kids' offer to stay back and play a 'game' with them and instead just went home to his family. What if he had just sucked it up and hid the ugly incident all to himself rather than reporting it to his brother. What if.. what if he was born with normal, warm and soft hands instead of these sad excuse of a hand that he was unwillingly borned with. All wrinkled and dehydrated, sickeningly pale and cold compared to the other parts of his body.
And when he lets himself wander far enough he just thought what if, just what if he was never born.
Would Haru never have to leave home? Would their parents be just a little bit more patient to wait until his brother is old enough to leave home rather than kicking him out when his age hasn't even reached double-digits yet? Would his parents be more forgiving if they had less burden and an even stable financial status?
All these thoughts branching off of the what-ifs and creating more hypothetical questions that will forever be left unanswered will drive him curious enough - brave enough to start acting physically.
One push and he'd be gazing down the ground from where he's sitting. Another one and he'll find his hands reaching for the chain fence preventing him from further executing an action he knows he'd regret doing. One more push and suddenly he's passed the wired fence that previously stood a couple feet higher than him. Now he's standing over the ledge, his one hand gripping the wired fence being his only thread from falling down to a guaranteed death.
Adding another one, he starts to vision his body mangled on the ground, maybe his face would even be near impossible to determine its identity. His blood will surely be everywhere, pooling all around him. Someone would then surely call the police, and will he even get a funeral held for him? He doesn't know enough people that would mourn for his death so maybe he'd just get cremated and the world will move on. And Haru would—
Haru would.. he'd probably not forgive him. His brother would probably chase his soul and prevent him from moving onto the afterlife. If possible enough, Haru would definitely find a way to time travel just to give him a solid beat on how stupid he was being. Above all, Haruka would also be upset, and lonely. The world is already cruel to him as is but his brother never made any effort to alter himself. Forcing himself to be something he isn't.
So the final push never comes. And by the time Nao was one step away from free falling, he always managed to come back to his senses and fall back into his usual demeanor. Calming himself and taking deep practiced breaths, he settles himself to leaning with the fence against his back and his legs dangling by the ledge.
He thinks, he could never make that final step no matter how far his mind pushes him to. Not until his brother and him are finally able to achieve their ideal life. Not until he overcome his trauma and bring himself to attend school again. Not until he gets to witness a world where his brother is openly accepted by the crowd. And not until he decides that his life was worth dying for.