Work Text:
Dallon Weekes was a noble man. Every morning he would wake up and wonder how he could make the world a better place.
One morning, he stepped outside on the streets of Salt Lake City. He was to perform a show that night with his best friend, Ryan, who definitely never ever stole from anyone. Dallon was holding a delicious can of Dr. Pepper and he was in a good mood. It was a beautiful day, perfect for taking a leisurely stroll around the city.
Suddenly, he came across some people beating up a woman on the street. So he followed his instincts and threw the can at them. This caused them to run in the other direction, clearly afraid of Dallon and his Dr. Pepper, as they should be. No one wants to fuck around and find out with Dallon Weekes.
The woman looked over at Dallon, relieved. She had a little pin on her bag with the transgender flag on it.
"Thank you so much," she said. "I was scared they might have finished me off." She wiped some tears from her eyes. Her face was already sporting a bruise.
Dallon, having put the whole situation together in his mind, nodded. "You're welcome, ma'am." He then glanced down the street. An urgent care center was within walking distance. The man with the initials "DW" finally got a W. He picked up the can of Dr. Pepper off of the ground (to avoid littering) and walked with her to the urgent care center. She assured him that she was fine, so Dallon kept going on his walk.
After a few minutes, he came across an old woman muttering about the transgender community. She clearly had nothing better to do with her life than be, for lack of better term, a nasty old hag. Dallon was out of Dr. Pepper, but after what he had just witnessed, he was sick and tired of this utter bullshit.
"Shut up."
The old woman gasped. "Don't you know who I am, young man?"
Dallon blinked. He didn't know, and told her so.
"I AM J.K. ROWLING. AND I WILL DESTROY YOU ON X DOT COM FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE." She then pulled out a "wand," which was actually a regular stick, and waved it at him in an attempt to be threatening.
Dallon wasn't threatened. He simply stared at her blankly. The power of his stare alone, with those scary ass blue eyes, was enough to turn her into dust. The dust blew away in the wind as Dallon just stood there.
After what had just happened, Dallon continued his walk, not knowing what else to do. He wondered to himself what the reason was for all of this happening to him. He just wanted to enjoy the beautiful seventy degree weather. But he was happy to help.
His stroll was calm from there on out. The birds were chirping, the stores had an abundant supply of Dr. Pepper, and the sun was shining. Dallon liked to look at the sunny side of things. It made life much easier.
Later that night, he felt amazing after the show, albeit overstimulated. He cracked open a can of Dr. Pepper as he stepped out to get on the tour bus. A familiar yet mysterious figure stood in front of him.
"Hello, Dallon," an annoying voice spoke softly. The man stepped into the light.
It was none other than Brendon Urie.
Dallon stepped back a tiny bit in fear.
"You."
Dallon took a second to fully remember everything after blocking this man out of his mind. Brendon was, to put it bluntly, a dick. Dallon mentally went through them all. That was when he realized what his duty was.
He gripped the can of Dr. Pepper tighter as he thought of the girl being attacked earlier. He then remembered some rude things he'd heard Brendon say.
Dallon knew what to do. He slowly walked towards Brendon.
Then he lifted up the arm holding the Dr. Pepper. His heart beat loudly in his chest as the Dr. Pepper flew from his hand and hit Brendon Urine square in the face.
Brendon began to fall to the ground, writhing.
"I'M MELTING!!!!!! CURSE YOU DALLON!!!!!!!"
He then melted to the ground, leaving nothing but a grease stain on the pavement.
Dallon then picked up the can of the sugary sweet nectar of life known as Dr. Pepper and threw it away in the nearest waste receptacle. He's the good guy in this story. And good guys don't litter.
He then boarded the tour bus, where more ice-cold Dr. Pepper awaited him. He cracked one open and laid back as the bus drove away.