Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Doctor Ahem: What happened?

Mudd: Nothing... bad

Doctor Ahem: Who'd you beat up?

Kyborg: No-one...important

Doctor Ahem: How bad was it?

Bart: Didn't even happen.. legally.

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Bart:What are you doing, Kyborg?

Kyborg: I'm baking.

Mudd:(Enters the room) When the recipe said chill for twenty minutes, it didn't mean to relax on the couch.

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Kyborg: What came first? The dragon or the egg? If I use a cannon ball to launch a cannon, is the cannon ball now a cannon? If we evolved from cacti, would we be immune to pain or would we not be able to hug as we would poke each other with spikes?

Doctor Ahem: Who gave Kyborg coffee?

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Mudd: YOU JUMPED OFF A CLIFF!

Kyborg: Yeah, he was testing his powers

Bart: By jumping off a cliff?

Gum-Gum: How was I supposed to know if I was immortal?

Bart: What if you weren't?

Gum-Gum: I would have died?

Mudd: Yes!

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Mudd: Can I be frank with you guys?

Kyborg: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Gum-Gum: Can I still be Gum-Gum?

Bart: Shh, let Frank speak.

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Mudd: Dammit, Kyborg!

Kyborg: What?! It wasn’t me!

Mudd: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Bart!

Bart: Not me either.

Mudd: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Gum-Gum: The fireball spell didn't do anything.

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Bart: I really don't want to give you bad news...

Doctor Ahem: Continue

Bart: so I'll get Mudd to tell you.

Mudd: WHAT!?

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Kyborg: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Gum-Gum will and will not eat.

Bart: Grass? Yes!

Kyborg: Moss? Yes!!

Bart: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Kyborg: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Bart: Worms? Sometimes!

Kyborg: Rocks? Usually nah.

Bart: Twigs? Usually!

Kyborg: Mudd's cooking? Inconclusive!

Brink Tussler: How did you… test this?

Bart: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it.

Brink Tussler: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Mudd: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

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Mudd: Guys, Slique is missing 

Kyborg: Good.

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Mudd: You're smiling. What happened?

Kyborg: What? Can't I just smile because I feel like it?

Bart: Slique tripped and fell down the stairs today.

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Kyborg: You give me nightmares.

Slique: Why? What have I ever said to give you nightmares?

Kyborg: Hello.

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Gum-Gum: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Mudd: Several traffic violations.

Bart: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Kyborg: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Brink Tussler: Also, that’s not our car.

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Kyborg: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Gum-Gum: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Brink Tussler: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Bart: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

Mudd: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

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Kyborg: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Mudd: Kyborg no.

Bart: Mistlefoe.

Mudd: Please stop encouraging them.

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*Bart is cooking*

Kyborg: Any chance that’s for me?

Bart: It’s for Mudd. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.

Brink Tussler: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

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Gum-Gum: What does 'take out' mean?

Mudd: Food.

Bart: Dating

Brink Tussler: Murder

Kyborg: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

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Mudd: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Kyborg?

Kyborg: … No.

Bart: I do!

Mudd: I know, Bart.

Bart: I’m sad!

Mudd: I know, Bart.

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Mudd: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Bart: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Gum-Gum: I got distracted about halfway through.

Kyborg: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

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Gum-gum: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

Kyborg: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!

Bart: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Mudd: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Brink Tussler: My moral code, is that you?

Gum-gum: ...

Gum-gum: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

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Doctor Ahem: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Kyborg: Rude.

Mudd: That’s fair.

Bart: Not again.

Gum-gum: Are you going to want this back?

Doctor Ahem: ...

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Mudd: I know you snuck out last night, Gum-gum.

Bart: Play dumb!

Gum-gum: Who's Gum-gum?

Bart: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

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Kyborg: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Mudd: What did you do?

Kyborg: Nobody died.

Mudd: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

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Bart: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Kyborg: Oh, I’m always running

Kyborg: The question is from what

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Doctor Ahem: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.

Paralyte: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Doctor Ahem: Okay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

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Kyborg: What time is it?

Bart: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Bart: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Mudd: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Bart: It’s 2am

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Doctor Ahem: look, the bad guy is going to have some serious bodyguards, that's a given.

Gum-gum: What, the bad guy has a gibbon as a bodyguard. How cruel is that of him.

Kyborg: It must be a really smart gibbon.

Doctor Ahem: No I said that's a given, not a gibbon.

Gum-gum: Do you think we could distract it with bananas?

Mudd: Maybe, but if its a bodyguard maybe it's better trained and will ignore bananas.

Doctor Ahem: I said it is a given. Not a gibbon.

Bart: It would be a really dim bodyguard if it was distracted by bananas.

Gum-gum: Do Gibbon even EAT bananas?

Doctor Ahem: I DIDN'T. SAY. Gibbon.

Mudd: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that Gibbons eat bananas, or any fresh fruit.

Kyborg: What happens if we put a sleep potion in a banana and throw it at the body guard?

Bart: yeah, that could work.

Doctor Ahem: I DIDN'T SAY GIBBON, I SAID GIVEN YOU SETS OF CLOTH EARS

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Brink Tussler: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Bart: 'Prettiest Smile'

Gum-gum: 'Nicest Personality'

Kyborg: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Mudd: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

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Mudd: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Kyborg: Okay, but in my defense, Bart bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Mudd: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

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Mudd, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

Bart: Okay

Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Mudd: Orange soda, please!

Bart: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Gum-gum: Me too, strawberry soda.

Mudd:

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Mudd: I need something to stir with.

Bart: *holds out a fork*

Gum-gum: *holds out a knife*

Kyborg: *holds out a pizza cutter*

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Gum-gum: Why is Kyborg so sad?

Bart: They took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Mudd: And...?

Bart: He got Slique.

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Kyborg : We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.

Dr. Ahem: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.

Kyborg : Not when you’re playing with Mudd, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog and Gum-gum puts kat.

Doctor Ahem: Don't you mean cat?

Kyborg: No, I don't 

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Doctor Ahem: Violence isn't the answer.

Bart: You’re right.

Doctor Ahem: *sighs in relief*

Mudd: Violence is the question.

Doctor Ahem: What?

Kyborg, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Doctor Ahem, chasing after them: NO-

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Mudd: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?

Bart: Put spaghetti in it.

Mudd: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.

Kyborg: Put spaghetti in it.

Mudd: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

Gum-gum: Put spaghetti in it.

Mudd: I'm no longer taking suggestions

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Brink Tussler: Nothing in life is free.

Gum-gum: Love is free!

Bart: Adventure is free.

Mudd: Knowledge is free.

Kyborg: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

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Kyborg: You can't blame me for trying?

Mudd: You can, that's why it's called attempted murder.

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Gum-gum: What do you think Kyborg will do for a distraction?

Bart: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Bart: ... or they could do that.

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Doctor Ahem: What is your biggest weakness?
Kyborg: I can be uncooperative.
Doctor Ahem: Okay, can you give me an example?
Kyborg: No.

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Gum-gum: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Bart: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Gum-gum: Yes!

Paralyte: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

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Gum-gum, texting Bart: Bart! Help I’m being kidnapped

Bart: Where are you?

Gum-gum: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Bart: I’ll call Mudd.

Mudd, answering their cell: Hello?

Bart: Where’s Gum-gum? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.

Mudd: Gum-gum? Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-

Mudd:

Mudd: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*

Mudd: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!

Gum-gum: WHO ARE YOU?!

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Mudd: Bart isn’t answering his phone

Gum-gum: I’ll call

Mudd: Kyborg and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Bart: Hello?

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Kyborg: HELP! I TOLD MUDD I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Bart, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

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Mudd: Time for plan G.

Brink: Don’t you mean plan B?

Mudd: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Gum-gum: What about plan D?

Mudd: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Bart: What about plan E?

Mudd: I’m hoping not to use it. Brink dies in plan E.

Kyborg: I like plan E.

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Mudd: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Kyborg : You mean literally or figuratively?

Mudd: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

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Mudd: Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Gum-gum: I don’t know how to do that.

Kyborg: I don’t wear a watch.

Bart: Time is a construct.

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Doctor Ahem: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Bart: Have everyone stand.

Gum-gum: Bring three more chairs!

Mudd: The most important ones can sit down.

Kyborg: Kill three.

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Bart: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Paralyte: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Mudd: In that case, we're definitely lost.

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Kyborg: Rules are made to be broken.

Doctor Ahem: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Bart: Uh, piñatas.

Mudd: Glow sticks.

Brink: Karate boards.

Gum-Gum: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Kyborg: Rules.

Doctor Ahem:

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Doctor Ahem: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!

Bart: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Kyborg: More or less, I guess...

Gum-Gum: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!

Brink: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.

Mudd: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

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*The group is getting into the car*

Mudd: I’m driving.

Kyborg, out of view: Shotgun!

Bart, turning to face Kyborg: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Kyborg: WOAH-

Kyborg, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*