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His wrists are so thin and somewhat delicate and you wrap your fingers around them and he looks up like he always does when you are near. He looks so tired and to be honest it's not a surprise, you are all tired of mountains of bodies and weeping families left behind when you walk up the stairs to the jet and pretend that you actually made a difference. BAU makes you tired, it makes you careful of everyone around you and well, it makes you hear statistics of killers and horror and death every time you close your eyes. Or maybe it's just you who hears his voice talking about percents and probabilities every time you close your eyes.
He is still looking at you and his eyes change color every time you think about them too much, just one more mystery about him you will never solve, just like the mystery of how he just wrapped you around his long fingers and how he always knows when you are just bluffing your courage. But still, the biggest mystery is probably why his whole face seems to light up every time you press your hands around his wrists and keep him grounded.
One day he will realize how you feel about him - or maybe he already has but doesn't want to jump over the thin line between friendship and family and make it something more – but for now you keep your distance and walk away from him the second the plane hits the ground and everyone goes home to forget the bleeding bodies and police stations and oh how you wish you could keep on holding his wrists in your hands forever.
x
You carefully push his hair from his face behind his ear and he looks up from the files scattered around the table and looks like he wants to ask why you keep touching him but he never asks and you wouldn't tell him the answer if he did. Maybe next time he asks and you can stop lying to yourself.
He almost falls to the wet ground near the crime scene and you grab his elbow before he can even realize his legs aren't carrying like they used to and he smiles his thanks and you let go when you are sure that he can walk. You don't want to let him go.
You give him a cup of coffee he desperately needs and touch his fingers when he looks like he could moan just from the sight of coffee and you bite your tongue so hard it almost bleeds. You want to touch his lips but you can't so you give him coffee and walk away.
The police station is actually only a bit chilly but he looks like he just walked to the North Pole instead of the capital of Maine and he is wearing too much clothes and looks absolutely ridiculous so you mess up his hair and grin when he looks at you annoyed and what the fuck is he actually shaking because of the cold? You want to wrap your arms around him and keep him warm but you can't so you keep teasing him and hope that he isn't actually as cold as he looks like.
You want to touch him everywhere but you can't so you pretend that maybe this is enough. It isn't.
x
He falls asleep next to you in the plane and instead of leaning against the window he uses you as a pillow. You try to rationalize it, the walls of the plane are always shaking and sleeping against them is always hard and uncomfortable and he would've probably leaned against anyone in the team, but somehow you know what all of this means. He is actually sleeping next to you, his whole body is against you and everyone in the plane knows how vulnerable sleep makes you. He is letting you see him vulnerable, he is letting you protect him while he sleeps.
You try to close your eyes and sleep or just focus on whatever Prentiss and JJ are talking about but it all feels like background noises when you have his breathing against your shoulder and you don't dare to move so he doesn't wake up.
You want him to keep trusting you until the end of the universe and when he wakes up and and looks scared and awkward you take his hand and smile at him.
You promise yourself you'll tell him. Maybe next day. You will do anything to get him sleep against you again.
x
You rub his shoulders when he looks stressed. You hold his hand when you need to make a point. You have your arm around him all the time.
He asks you why you keep touching him. You look at him and don't know what to say.
In the end you just kiss him. He kisses you back.
You never want to stop kissing him.
x
You press your fingers around his wrist and he turns to look at you and he smiles and your heart would skip a beat if it wasn't so determined to keep on beating steadily for him until the end of times. His eyes are so warm and full of color and slowly he turns his hand around and presses his palm against yours and his fingers brush up against yours and you never want to stop holding his hand.
You promise you will always love him. He smiles at you. He knows. He loves you too.