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Atom can’t stop thinking about Kongthap.
He tries to ration with himself, telling his brain that it’s normal to always be thinking about the person you like. Since he realized that he truly liked Kongthap, not a day went by when he didn’t find himself daydreaming about him. Thinking about his smile. The way he cutely furrows his eyebrows whenever he’s confused about something. Replaying soundbites he has stored in his memory of their random conservations or from when the older tutors him whenever he misses the other’s voice. He really likes Kongthap’s voice.
It was quite a relief when Kongthap confessed that he thought about Atom all the time too. He imagines that the always cool, calm, and collected Kongthap has a tiny version of Atom running around inside his usually organized brain and it makes him feel ridiculously giddy.
However, lately, his thoughts about the other have started to become a problem. It’s been a few weeks since their first date, and Atom can’t stop thinking about the way Kongthap touches him.
Rather, he can’t stop thinking about the way he wants Kongthap to touch him.
The first time it happens is a few days after their movie date while they’re having lunch on the rooftop. Despite confessing to one another they’re still not anywhere near ready to display the amount of PDA the other couples in the cafeteria do daily. Not that Atom wanted to be like those couples. He’d much rather prefer to be intimate with Kongthap away from all those prying eyes. Like on this rooftop. No!
He shakes his head vigorously and clears his throat when Kongthap gives him a questioning look, pretending to swat at a non-existent fly near his ear before taking a large bite of his sandwich, cheeks puffing up while chewing. Kongthap smiles at him and it’s one of those adoring ones he tends to give when Atom does something he finds comically cute. They talk about miscellaneous things as they eat, and it kind of scares Atom just how easy it is to talk to the older. He doesn’t feel the need to hide his awkwardness around the other. Where he’s used to other people often tuning him out when he starts to get expressive about things, he finds that Kongthap never stops listening to him, making remarks here and there to let Atom know that he wants him to keep talking.
It makes Atom want to hug the other and hide inside his arms forever. What a crazy thing to think.
He snaps out of it and is brought back to reality right as Kongthap pops a lollipop into his mouth, Mudmee, being the angel that she is, having made one for both of them in her baking class. Atom had playfully complained about her having favorites when she gave Half at least ten of them earlier.
But now he’s wishing she hadn’t given them any because he’s going to have the image of Kongthap licking at a cherry red lollipop etched into his brain until the day he dies.
It shouldn’t be affecting Atom this much really, hell he’s seen the older suck on a popsicle before and hadn’t given it a single thought. That was before he started feeling these stupid feelings though. Before Kongthap touched his lips outside the theater and made Atom start to have all these insane thoughts.
His eyes trail down to Kongthap’s lips which are now tinted red from that cursed candy, and Atom can see that his tongue is a slightly brighter shade of red when he closes his lips around the stick again. What flavor did Mudmee say these were again? Strawberry? Cherry? He should kiss the older to find out. If Kongthap were to kiss him would it leave a mark? The stain on his lips looks sticky the more the older runs his tongue along his bottom lip, refusing to let the syrup dry. He wonders if his lips will also turn red if he kisses Kongthap for long enough. If it would taste like natural fruit or artificial flavors. His own lollipop is still wrapped up neatly, lying untouched in his backpack. He could just try it right now for himself.
Like he gives a fuck about the flavor.
Kongthap’s lips are moving, and it takes Atom a second to realize that the other is saying something to him. He blinks rapidly and meets the taller’s gaze, hoping his face isn’t as red as Kongthap’s lips. “Sorry, what?”
“Do you want to try it?” He’s holding out the lollipop to him, now much smaller than its original size, and Atom is sure his face is redder than the lollipop now. “W-what?”
The older has that adoring smile on his face again, and Atom can’t tell if he’s being genuine or getting teased. “You were looking at the lollipop. Do you want it? I think the one Mudmee gave you is a different flavor.”
Right, he was looking at the lollipop. This guy-
The bell signaling the end of lunch rings before Kongthap can say anything else, and Atom packs up at the speed of light before saying that he’s late for class and running down the steps.
The second time his thoughts run haywire, it’s during one of their study sessions. As he begins marking down his answers, he finds himself thinking back to when Kongthap first tutored him, the two of them currently sitting on Kongthap’s bedroom floor with notebooks and multiple practice tests scattered around them. Kongthap’s carrot blanket was wrapped around the smaller’s shoulders as he scribbled away taking notes, Atom’s own cabbage blanket spread across Kongthap’s legs as the taller read a textbook beside him, glancing at Atom’s notes now and then.
A few days after their first study session back with Mumdee and Half, Atom had frozen in the middle of his kitchen when it hit him. He practically stole Kongthap’s blanket days after confessing to him, then proceeded to wear it like he owned it. Like he was Kongthap’s boyfriend. The realization made him cry out in horror and drop his precious cereal on the floor.
It wasn’t until their third study session afterward that Kongthap asked him why he didn’t want the blanket anymore. When Atom voiced that he shouldn’t be using the other's things so openly, Kongthap simply draped the blanket over his shoulders with a soft smile. “I don’t mind, you look cute with it.” Atom didn’t learn anything that day.
Now, he was trying his hardest to retain something. Anything. He swears he’s trying. It’s just that Kongthap’s so stupidly handsome and he can’t fucking focus. His brain whines about how unfair it is as he drops his head onto the table with a groan, the older startling and glancing at the frustrated orange ball beside him. Atom hears the other huff a quiet laugh and feels a gentle hand pat his head. “You doing okay?”
No, he’s not okay because he’s thinking about things that are definitely not going to be on the exam tomorrow. Like how he likes to hold Kongthap’s hand. Kongthap always holds his hand with this firm yet gentle grip, like he’s reassuring Atom that the smaller can hold his hand for as long as he wants. His stupid brain supplies that he’d like to hold his hand forever. He was also thinking about what the taller was doing now, running his fingers through Atom’s hair slowly in an attempt to help him relax. It’s something Kongthap had started doing more frequently after Atom had shyly voiced one day that he liked it a lot, the tips of his ears burning when Kongthap had giggled and said he’d do it more then.
His body melts against the table when he feels Kongthap’s touch become a bit firmer, fingers carding through the smaller’s hair in a way that makes Atom’s body start to heat up. My god he really needs to get it together. He makes the mistake of turning his head so he can look at the taller, cheek smushed against his notebook as he looks up to see that Kongthap has closed the textbook he’d been reading, attention solely on Atom. He doesn’t hold eye contact with him for long, afraid that he’ll combust if he does.
“Yeah, I’m okay I just…” Kongthap’s hand trails down to rest gently against the back of his neck, his thumb beginning to slowly trace circles onto the area underneath his ear. Shockwaves travel throughout Atom’s body as he grips the carrot plushie he had on his lap for dear life, nails threatening to rip the seams of the poor vegetable when Kongthap’s touch becomes less hesitant. The older seems to have no clue that he’s torturing him, and Atom can’t even hate him for it. He doesn’t register what his voice sounds like when he finally finishes his sentence. “Just can’t focus right now.”
Kongthap gives him a hum of acknowledgment as his fingers stop tracing patterns against Atom’s skin, and the younger holds back a pout upon thinking that the older will stop touching him. Then he feels Kongthap’s hand start to trail down his back gently, resting against the small of his back for a moment before reaching underneath the blanket to wrap around the smaller and settle on his waist. He can feel the warmth of Kongthap’s hand through the thin material of his school shirt, and when his fingers squeeze his waist Atom can’t help but tremble as his brain short-circuits.
“Do you need a break?”
What does he need?
“I need you.”
Yeah, that sounds right. Wait a minute.
He straightens up instantly, kneeing the table in the process as he begins to backtrack, Kongthap blinking at him with his lips parted in surprise. His lips look so kissable. No! Bad Atom!
“No! I meant I need you to help me with this question! Yes, that’s what I need it’s a very confusing question and I don’t understand it at all and it’s this one right here see problem number seven here-”
He takes a random practice test off the floor and plasters it on Kongthap’s face, the latter squawking in shock while Atom gets up and declares that he needs to get something from the kitchen before running out the room.
It’s happened a few more times since then, and every time Atom has somehow miraculously been able to escape whatever room he’s in before Kongthap can say anything. Now he’s lying down on Kongthap’s bed, scrolling on his phone while hugging the carrot plushie to his chest as he waits for Kongthap to finish showering. The storm outside is predicted to get worse throughout the night, and Kongthap’s mom had insisted that Atom stay till the morning before bidding the boys goodnight. His luck had to run out eventually, didn’t it.
Kongthap had offered him a pair of his own pajamas before heading to the shower, and Atom had to slap himself to snap out of it when he started to get giddy over how the older’s pajamas were slightly big on him. He’s so gone for the other it’s hopeless.
What are the chances that Kongthap is also having these thoughts? What if he’s not though?
What if he just spends the night out in the storm to put himself out of his misery.
He’s rolling around in frustration when Kongthap finally comes back, a towel around his neck and his hair still dripping. The droplets make his shirt around the shoulders a bit damp, and when he raises a hand to use the towel a sliver of skin appears above the low-riding sweatpants the older has on. He smiles at Atom and the smaller hugs the carrot plushie a bit higher, hoping to hide the blush on his face as he gives an eye smile in return, watching as Kongthap sits at his desk to put his eye drops in. It’s rare to see the older wear his glasses because he thinks they make him look ugly. Atom doesn’t understand how someone as smart as Kongthap can think so stupidly at times. Kongthap with glasses was one of the hottest things Atom has ever seen. He can’t decide whether it’s a blessing or a curse when the taller doesn’t wear them before walking over to him.
His hair is still wet and Atom makes a decision before his brain can start to panic, sitting up and scooting to sit on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor, gesturing for the taller to sit in between them. He tries to look angry when Kongthap starts to protest, and the giggle the older lets out when seeing his expression lets him know he wasn’t successful, but he’s happy anyway when Kongthap sits between his legs with his back facing the smaller. He takes the towel and begins to rub at the older’s hair gently, a bit hesitant because he’s never done this for anyone before, but the way Kongthap relaxes back against him with a content sigh makes him a bit more confident.
They sit in comfortable silence for a while before Atom musters up the courage to say something. “Kongthap?” He gets a lightly drowsy hum as a reply. “Can I ask you something?”
Maybe it’s because his voice had a slight anxious tremble to it, or maybe it’s because Kongthap is so endearingly attentive, but the question has the older straightening up between Atom’s legs and giving a much more awake nod of acknowledgment. “Do you ever…”
Do you ever think about kissing me? Do you ever think about touching me? Do you want me the way I want you? How can he ask any of this and not explode?
He feels Kongthap nudge his head against his thigh gently, in what he’s sure is supposed to be a reassuring gesture to continue, and feels his body start to heat up at the touch. Whether he asks something or not, it seems like he’ll explode either way.
“Doyoueverthinkaboutdoingsomethingotherthanholdinghands?”
There’s a moment of silence and Atom watches as Kongthap tilts his head in confusion, whispering back what Atom had just said but very slowly before it seemed to click. He puts the towel on the bed as the older turns around so he’s on his knees now, facing the younger who’s fiddling with his fingers and looking anywhere but at him.
“Yes.”
See! Of course, he was going to say- Wait huh?
He finally looks at the older and sees a faint blush across his face, Kongthap giving a nod of confirmation probably due to the look of surprise on the smaller’s face. Oh. Oh. Alright, well he didn’t really think about what he’d say at this point considering he thought he’d never get here.
“C-cool cool, uhm me too, I think about that too.” He wants the Earth to open up and swallow him whole.
He looks down at his fingers again and tries not to smile too wide when Kongthap takes his hand in his and runs his thumb along his palm, the feeling a bit ticklish. His other hand trails up Atom’s arm and rests against his cheek, and Atom can’t help but lean into the touch. “Can I tell you what I think about?”
Atom’s pretty sure he’s lost all ability to think coherently at this point so he simply nods and accepts his fate, because there’s no way he’s surviving this.
“I think about holding you,” Kongthap’s hand moves up so his thumb is pressed against the pulse point on Atom’s wrist, feeling just how fast the younger’s heart is beating. “I think about hugging you whenever you do something cute or become clumsy,” The hand on his cheek moves down slightly to rest against Atom’s neck, thumb tracing along his jawline as he speaks. “I think about touching you.”
He doesn’t even know how he does it but somehow, Atom is finally able to meet Kongthap’s gaze as he realizes just how close the older has gotten, the hand the older wasn’t holding coming up to grip onto Kongthap’s bicep as the other pressed their foreheads together. Atom had to bend down slightly at the awkward angle with Kongthap still between his legs but he could stay like this forever if he was being honest. Just as long as Kongthap kept touching him. “I always think about touching you, Atom.”
Dear god, he’s going to die tonight.
Their noses brush against one another and Atom’s eyes flutter shut, a shiver running through him when he feels Kongthap give his wrist a gentle squeeze before letting go to rest his hand on the smaller’s thigh. “I really want to kiss you.” He would really like that.
“Is that okay?” Is that even a question?
“Yes, yes it’s more thanokayjustplease-”
The older’s lips press against his before he can say something embarrassing, and he can feel Kongthap smile at the surprised little squeak that escapes Atom before he starts to move his lips slowly. It takes Atom stupidly long to process things before his body sags into the older’s, lips moving to match Kongthap’s in gentle tandem because oh my god he’s finally kissing Kongthap. They remain tentative at first, and it makes Atom’s heart fizzle and pop with how soft the older is with him. He wonders what it’d feel like if Kongthap was rough with him and the thought makes him wrap his arms around the older’s neck and pull him closer with a quiet noise. That could be something they explore later. Ambitious aren’t we?
His brain shuts up when Kongthap wraps an arm around his waist and tugs gently so Atom is pressed up against him, the younger’s knees subconsciously widening to allow Kongthap to pull him off the bed and onto the older’s lap. Once he settles down against the taller he can’t help but moan as Kongthap tilts his head to deepen the kiss, Atom’s lips parting open with a whimper as Kongthap gives his hip a small squeeze. He can taste the mint toothpaste still fresh on Kongthap’s tongue and wonders if Kongthap can taste the remnants of the bubblegum toothpaste Atom brushed with earlier as the older slowly licks into his mouth.
Eventually, they break apart when the need for air becomes too much, panting softly as Atom opens his eyes to see the older looking at him with dark eyes and a beautiful pink tint across his face. Then it hits him.
They just kissed. No, they just made out. And he’s on Kongthap’s lap.
He pushes Kongthap onto the floor and buries his face in the older’s shoulder, the latter groaning in surprise before starting to laugh when Atom reaches around blindly for the carrot blanket. Once he feels it he throws it over them both so it’s covering both their faces, and lets out a muffled whine against the older’s shoulder.
“Atom’s brain has stopped working. Can’t think about anything anymore.”
He can’t even be mad when Kongthap starts to laugh harder and shakes against him, content when he feels a kiss pressed against his head.