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Mina spends a lot of her time crying after her first mission.
She doesn’t let anyone know. She doesn’t let it show on her face.
But she hates this.
A few months later, she meets Narumi Gen. They don’t get introduced formally. She simply watches him from where she stands with the other potential captains and stares.
Narumi is a brat.
He’s everything a model soldier of the defense force shouldn’t be.
Which is why Mina vows to never speak to him if she can help it.
There’s no point dealing with him, he seems exhausting after all.
Hasegawa already looks like he’s on the verge of losing non-existent hairs over him.
(No offense to Hasegawa-san, Mina just didn’t know how else to describe it.)
Of course, things never seem to go Mina’s way. Ever since she’s joined the force, it’s like the world is out to get her.
Because they’re in the same team for a combined training exercise with the First and Third Division. The Chief and Captain of the First Division - Shinomiya Isao is watching them.
She gulps.
She can’t screw up.
At the very least, the extermination is of a Kaiju in a contained area.
That’s something Mina has grown to do better at. When the lives of actual civilians are less at stake.
Even so, right now - despite knowing all she has to do is kill -
She’s ashamed to admit it, but Mina can’t.
Can’t fire.
She can’t pull the trigger.
“Ashiro!”
She hears her name from the communication device in her ear, and takes a deep breath.
It’s Narumi’s voice.
“What the hell are you stalling for?!” He screeches, and Mina shuts her eyes.
Instead of answering, she tunes out his complaints, and finds herself hearing the cries of her comrades instead.
Her comrades - injured, bleeding out, possibly worse, while she remains at a safe distance.
Away from the carnage.
They’re watching her.
They’re all waiting for her.
“Third Division Officer Ashiro.”
She grits her teeth, feeling tears well up in her eyes, again.
How many times does that make? How many missions has it been?
“Captain Shinomiya.” She answers back, steadying her hands, her voice.
She can do this.
She has to do this.
She’s the youngest and fastest member in the entire defense force to get her own personal weapon.
She hates the way it feels in her hands.
She hates how heavy it is.
She hates how heavy she feels.
“Fire.” He commands.
She fires.
And fires.
Until there is nothing left of the monster except its remains raining down on all the other officers standing on ground.
Mina moves through the process of taking down the multitude of Yoju that scramble out of its carcass, finally getting to hold the regular JAKDF gun.
This, she thinks, has slowly become the part she doesn’t mind the most.
Because she stands with her fellow officers, on the same playing field, and she can cover for them.
Her life is equally at risk here.
Putting on her mask, she easily takes down the Yoju that seem to be never ending, and finds herself on the First Division’s side of the training ground.
The two divisions haven’t been mixing together, which Mina feels, defeats the purpose of even training together but who is she to complain?
She’s just a regular officer.
As she helps the First Division officers, making it a point to ignore the way they gape at her power - she runs into Narumi.
And she didn’t know what she expected, because of course - Narumi works alone.
From what Mina can see, he’s taking on multiple Yoju on his own. Effortlessly, even.
The worst part, Mina thinks, as she watches him stand on top of a pile of dead Yoju bodies - is that he looks like he’s having fun.
“Narumi!” She hears over the loudspeaker, and blinks in surprise.
It’s Hasegawa’s typical shouting, one she’s gotten used to the more she has to stay within Narumi’s vicinity.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” He yells, and all the other officers look up in unison. “This is a team training exercise!”
She watches as Narumi spares the loudspeaker and the drone assigned to him an obligatory glance before grinning.
“Don’t care! Bye.” He shouts, jumping off and making his way past Mina to get to other Yoju.
They exchange eye contact, and when he sees her face - he clicks his tongue.
What?
Before she can stop him to ask what his problem is, he’s already gone and Mina feels her blood pressure rising.
Irritated, she lets herself move on autopilot, taking down all the Yoju and covering her fellow officers.
It irritates her even more, knowing she’s feeling something.
How long has it been since she's allowed herself to get angry? Ever since she joined the defense force, she told herself she wasn’t allowed to be upset.
Because this is where she’s always wanted to be - and she’s studied hard for it ever since she was a child.
With Kafka.
Except.
He’s not here and she accidentally releases too much force in her next shot - damaging buildings.
That causes her to snap out of her blind fury.
“I’m-” she looks up at her personal drone. “I’m so sorry.”
“Worry not, Officer Ashiro. This place was designed to withstand this kind of power.” She hears the Vice-Chief’s voice through her in-ear and numbly nods.
Moving on to the next area, Mina takes a deep breath before slowly exhaling.
Focus.
She can’t let her emotions get in the way of her duties.
It takes a while, but they eventually manage to make quick work of the remaining Yoju.
Naturally, Narumi takes down enough monsters on his own without looking back.
But thinking about him is enough to let the minute emotions she needs to keep at bay arise, so she stops.
When they’re finally dismissed, after ensuring the injured are taken care of and everybody is accounted for - Mina stretches and thinks a bath could do her good.
But as she’s heading out from the temporary rooms allocated to the Third Division officers in the Ariake Maritime Base, she runs into Narumi.
Great.
Although it would be more accurate to say he was waiting for her, because he stops leaning against the wall to block her path.
“Ashiro.”
“Narumi…-kun.”
“Save it, we’re the same age.” He crosses his arms, and Mina gives him her fakest smile.
She’s been good at using it lately.
“Narumi.”
“You’re pathetic.”
Mina resists the urge to hurl her bottle of shampoo at him.
Who even goes to another recruit of the same age, and says things like that?
The nerve.
Keeping cool, because Mina can’t lose control, and most certainly not because of him - she forces an even brighter smile out.
“And you don’t know how to work with other people.”
He blinks, surprised - like he hadn’t expected Mina to be able to respond. That manages to tick her off even further.
His face morphs into one of pure annoyance, mirroring how she feels, as he spits out, “I don’t have to.”
“Yes,” she steps forward. Compared to the giant Honju she’s been tasked to kill weekly, Narumi is nothing.
She’s not scared of him, so she meets his gaze and crosses her arms.
“You do.”
And without waiting for his reaction, because Mina just wants to rest, she walks past him.
He yells something she can’t quite decipher and chooses to ignore it as she heads into the baths.
At the very least, she has this.
Somehow, after that, Narumi starts showing up everywhere she goes. She might not make it through the entire joint training camp without losing her mind.
He’s there when she’s on her morning run, which is shocking in its own right - because she hadn’t expected him to wake up early in the first place.
So she wakes up even earlier, evading him.
When they’re in the cafeteria, and Mina is eating with her division friends, she can constantly feel him glaring at her.
All of them try to point it out, but Mina shuts down their worries.
“He probably has bad eyesight and has to squint his eyes a lot.” She reasons, and nobody buys it but they don’t bring it up after that.
The worst part is that he’s been speaking to her directly more often during field missions.
Whenever they end up in the same team, which is starting to become way too often, she has to wonder if somebody is deliberately behind the groupings.
“Ashiro, can you hurry it up.”
“Ashiro, what are you waiting for?!”
“Ashiro-”
It’s almost nonsensical - how much he keeps bothering her.
And every single time he taunts her, she finds all her fears leaving and release force increasing as she shoots through the enemy without a second thought.
(She imagines Narumi’s stupid face each time.)
When she goes down to help clear the Yoju after, she walks away as soon as she sees Narumi approach her.
“Listen to me-?!” He always shouts, but Mina pretends she never hears him.
But her days of running away from Narumi come to an end when they’re dispatched for an actual mission - outside of their regular training grounds.
A Daikaiju has appeared in the vicinity - and with the support of the senior officers, it’s essentially their first time working together as two divisions.
Mina rides separately, going to a different location - to higher ground and she tries not to spare the convoy with the regular officers a second glance.
She never had to consider it, the last three weeks, but now that she’s going against a monster - with proper lives (comrades and civilians alike) at stake - she feels sick.
Mina tries not to panic.
She refuses to.
Not when the Vice-Chief is in the truck with her.
He’s going to evaluate her.
Calm down, calm down, calm down.
She clenches her fists, digging her nails into her palms.
This won’t be the first time she’s doing this.
It’s okay.
She has experience.
She’ll be fine.
When they reach their destination, Mina carries her personal weapon with her, following orders from the operations room.
Setting it up and positioning it to match the monster’s core, Mina finally switches on her in-ear and inhales sharply.
The first thing she hears is someone screaming in pain.
She shuts her eyes, as if that’ll help - but it doesn’t, because she ends up imagining the injured comrade instead.
The image of her batch mates, and friends - writhing with broken limbs.
Her breath quickens before she can stop it from happening and she snaps her eyes open. Forces herself to look at the data she’s receiving through her goggles.
Don’t think. Don’t think about it.
Breathe.
She grips the handle of her weapon tighter, and Mina is reminded of how cold it feels.
“Fuck-” she hears another troop member cry out, and she forces herself to listen.
Take it in.
Remember.
Through the goggles, she lets herself understand the situation - and what she can see.
The Yoju are stronger, she realizes - and she easily makes the connection that it’s because they’re dealing with a Daikaiju.
She hasn’t had much experience taking down Kaiju with such fortitude yet.
This is a learning experience, she reminds herself.
When one of the officers gets hit by a massive strike from the Honju’s tail, she bites the bottom of her lip.
Don’t look away.
Wait for your signal.
Wait.
And wait she does as she watches more and more rookies fall.
“Ashiro.” Someone buzzes in her ear, and she recognizes the tone and annoying voice immediately.
He’s been there for every single mission, like an annoying fly that can’t seem to go away, after all.
“I’m sure you know what the situation is like.” He says, and Mina resists the urge to click her tongue, but finds her heart rate relaxing.
“You can’t hesitate.”
“I don’t need you to tell me that.”
It’s the first time she’s responded to him.
Without her control, the goggles zoom into Narumi’s irritating face and he smirks up at her.
Knowing she’s looking.
He moves, taking down three Yoju at one go as he approaches the Daikaiju with a gun and sword in hand.
“I don’t understand why you would anyway,” he continues, as he perfectly slashes and shoots through more Yoju. “When I’m here.”
“How cocky.” She bites back, “Wataru from Third Division is requesting aid in their zone. Go help them.”
“No way. The Daikaiju is right in front of me. I’m handling it.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, I will be the one to take it down.”
He snorts, and Mina tries not to click her tongue again.
“As you should.” He states, and then she feels the communication cut off.
How infuriating.
Taking a deep breath, Mina hates how she’s calmer now.
“Officer Ashiro, stand by.”
“Roger.”
“Permission for full release force.”
“Granted.”
Release force 76%
She charges up her first shot, waiting for the signal.
Mina stops thinking about the people on ground, and trains her thoughts on what’s in front of her.
She can’t fail.
And she won’t fail.
“Fire.”
The recoil hurts, as she digs her heels into the concrete beneath her. It doesn’t, and will never compare to the pain her fellow soldiers feel though.
So she bites her tongue and lives with it. It’s the only way she can let herself get through this.
“Loading of second bullet, complete.” Mina announces, going through the motions like she was taught. Like she was trained. Like she was made to.
The people in the operations room respond, “Roger. Prepare for fire.”
She grits her teeth again, wishing this would just end already - as she shoots again.
“One more shot and the Honju will be eliminated.”
“Understood. Loading of the third bullet is complete.”
But before she can fire, a piercing scream cuts through her concentration.
She recognizes that voice.
It’s her friend, Mizuki. In the same batch as her. The first person to reach out to Mina when she entered the Third Division, lost and confused.
The only person who spoke to her even after witnessing her terrifying aptitude for firearms.
Immediately, her eyes dart away from the Honju and she looks for her friend through the goggles.
Where is she.
And then she sees her, trapped - in a Yoju’s hand, getting crushed and Mina feels helpless.
All she can do is watch as the few officers fail to shoot the monster. They can’t attack at full power because they’re afraid of hurting a fellow soldier.
She falters.
“Officer Ashiro.” Someone is calling her name.
But she can’t hear them.
Mizuki’s cry cuts through the command, someone’s command - she can’t tell who it comes from, she doesn’t care.
Tears well up in her eyes and she can’t breathe, she can’t speak - all she can do is watch as her first friend in the division gets her arm broken.
Mina should be down there.
Mina would be able to save her, if she were.
But she can’t.
She can’t, she can’t, she can’t.
She can't.
The grip on her weapon loosens, and she can’t look away.
“Officer Ashiro.”
Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
She didn’t ask for any of this. She didn’t ask to be a sniper. She didn’t ask to have a natural talent for firearms.
Mina doesn’t care.
Mina would rather be average than fight by herself, leaving all her comrades to die.
“Ashiro!” Someone growls in her ear again, and she blinks. It’s not one of the higher ups, and her gaze on Mizuki gets shifted because suddenly she’s on the ground and her weapon is out of her grasp.
“Fucking focus-” It’s Narumi. Narumi is on the rooftop, and she’s behind him and-
She blinks again.
The Yoju can fly.
“Hey bald guy! You should probably get out of there.” Narumi shouts at the Vice-Chief and if Mina were a little less rattled she’d be telling him off for the disrespect.
Itami simply spares Mina a glance, and she clenches her jaw when he says, “You’ve disappointed me, Officer Ashiro.”
And then he’s off, heading down to the vehicle that brought them here and Narumi is still in front of her.
All she can do is gape, nails digging into concrete.
“Get off your fucking ass and help.”
Mizuki.
Where is Mizuki.
She puts on the goggles that’d fallen from her eyes and frantically searches through the lens.
When Mina spots her, intact, alive, breathing - with the Yoju that had captured her sliced into pieces, she finally lets herself relax again.
Only then does she assess the situation - except there’s at least five Yoju flying around them and Mina hates to admit that Narumi of all people, was clearly fending them off for her.
Although it would be more accurate to say he was taking them down since he kills every monster in his way.
Spotting one incoming, and in his blind spot, she quickly grabs the standard rifle from where it’d been on the floor and shoots through it.
He spares her a glance before grinning.
“Duck.”
She presses herself closer to the ground and hears bullets go off above her. Mina can tell from the resounding thud behind her that there was a monster coming for her.
How annoying, to owe Narumi multiple times.
Gritting her teeth, she finds the strength to stand up - as she somehow always does whenever Narumi is in her line of sight.
In her ears, telling her to get her shit together.
How irritating indeed.
“Narumi.” She orders, even though he probably won’t listen. “Cover me. I’m going to shoot through the Daikaiju.”
“Ha!” He laughs - of course he does, and Mina rolls her eyes.
She shoots another Kaiju coming straight towards them, from behind Narumi.
He does the same at the same time, and she finds herself back to back against him.
“Don’t you dare hesitate this time.”
Mina clicks her tongue, mainly because he’s right.
The more she considers how her fellow officers are doing, the worse she does. And she can’t afford that right now, when there are civilians at risk too.
“As long as you know how to help me.”
He scoffs, and she shoots down a few more Yoju that likely won’t stop coming unless she gets rid of the Honju.
“Well, it’s nice to see you finally rely on your fellow officers.” Narumi sarcastically replies, opting to use his sword when a Yoju gets too close to them.
Glaring at him for thinking he can use that tone with her, she barks out a laugh at the irony. “I could say the same to you.”
It feels good to be able to let herself go.
To not have to worry.
‘Ten minutes before overheating.’ Her suit beeps, and she inhales sharply.
“Do it.” Narumi spares her one last glance, and she throws her rifle behind her shoulder.
When she picks up her weapon again, positioning it properly, she buzzes back to the operations team. “Officer Ashiro coming in. I apologize for the delay, but I’m ready to fire.”
“Roger.”
She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.
Right now, she’s not alone.
Her hands close around the trigger, and she exhales.
“Fire.”
Release force 80%
The bullet hits home, and the Honju collapses - letting out a deafening screech as it does.
“Honju vitals have ceased. Successful extermination.”
Hearing that, she lets go of her personal weapon, turning around to (begrudgingly) thank Narumi only to find that he’s already left.
That guy.
Mina doesn’t bother trying to find him, and instead looks around at the situation on the ground.
The Yoju are going to increase soon enough, and with half of them having the ability to fly - it’s going to be tough to take them down.
“Rookies,” her in-ear buzzes with Captain Shinomiya’s voice, “Prepare to clean up. Bring your wounded peers to safety, and officers who can still fight, assist your seniors.”
She can still fight.
Mina brings her personal weapon down, surprised to see the vehicle the Vice-Chief went into is still around.
“Vice-Chief,” she greets as she places her weapon inside. “I apologi-”
“Don’t let us down next time.”
This isn’t what she expected the defense force to be like.
Cold.
So damn cold.
“I won't.” She salutes him, and makes her way to her assigned zone requiring assistance.
Thankfully, Mina doesn’t run into Narumi after that - and the second half of the operation goes by without any problems.
Even though she shouldn’t be overexerting herself, she tells the operator she can still fight - and makes up for what she didn’t manage to do.
If she had killed the Honju earlier, the mission wouldn’t have been prolonged. The citizens would’ve been safe sooner.
Mina needs to get faster. To stop thinking.
She needs to kill her emotions, she thinks, as she shoots the last monster on ground.
Just like that.
Getting rid of her anger - directed at Kafka, at the seniors in the defense force, at her current Captain, at Narumi - isn’t enough.
She needs to stop feeling completely.
All this worrying will get her nowhere.
Mina can’t fail another time.
As someone who’s supposed to be the top of her class, she can’t mess up. Not when she has the privilege of being acknowledged by the Chief himself.
Not when she already has her personal weapon.
Not when being here has always been her dream, and what she’s studied so hard for the past 12 years of her life.
Kill.
Kill everything.
That’s all she has to do.
“Oi, Ashiro!”
She blinks.
It feels like that keeps happening.
Narumi pulling her out of her thoughts.
“What are you doing, shooting at an already dead monster fifty times? It’s not gonna come back alive, y’know?”
Organs. Blood. Guts. Everywhere.
You probably wouldn't even be able to tell what kind of Kaiju it was, just by seeing its remains.
All of a sudden, she feels sick.
“We’re getting called to gather. The entire area’s been cleared.”
Nodding, unable to tear her eyes away from the carcass - Mina wonders if that’s what she needs to do with her heart.
So she can finally do her job.
Fingers snap in front of her face, and she steps back from them.
Narumi grabs onto her arm, but Mina doesn’t have the energy to push him away.
“Let’s go.” He says, although he’s already dragging her forward - and away from all the dead monsters she’d fired at unnecessarily.
As she walks behind him, Mina gets reminded of a time - of a past where she’d cower in fear behind Kafka. Where she’d stand behind him, following his lead.
Kill your emotions.
She wipes away the tears that have frustratingly welled up in her eyes, grateful that Narumi isn’t looking back. She can’t imagine that he’d be the type to, anyway.
When they blend into the large group of rookies getting debriefed, Mina feels Narumi’s (warm) hand let go of her arm, and watches him walk away.
“This is obviously going to be boring, I’m gonna game and wait in the van.” He explains, and Mina huffs. She didn’t ask.
Narumi looks ahead at the Vice-Chief, and Mina follows his gaze before grimacing - reminded of the earlier conversation. She doesn’t really want to sit in the same vehicle as him back to the Ariake Base.
“Also, I can’t stand that guy.”
And then he’s sneaking off, and Mina doesn’t warn Narumi about Hasegawa whom she’s already spotted waiting by the vehicle Narumi came in.
Instead, she does her best to listen to the briefing, hands behind her back but all that echoes in her mind is how she disappointed them.
She has to get better.
Stronger.
Harden her heart.
Unwillingly, Mina thinks back to an earlier conversation with Narumi - and how he’d called her pathetic.
Although it had annoyed her, he’s right.
And maybe that’s exactly why it had made her so angry.
To be figured out by someone who was such a delinquent. Someone Mina could never imagine leading an entire division.
Except, when she thinks back to him bothering her afterwards, and the way Narumi has involuntarily helped her more times than she can count or would like - Mina might be wrong about that.
Because, while Narumi hates to show it - but he cares.
Even though she has no idea why he would, for her, of all people. They’re complete opposites.
One thing she does know is that Narumi - despite his bad behaviour, is probably the most fitting out of all of them - to be captain.
The idea of following someone like him doesn’t annoy her as much as she should.
Before she can figure out why, they’re getting dismissed and sent back to base.
And when they make it back, Mina beelines for the hospital, letting out a sigh of relief to see Mizuki only suffered a broken arm.
She doesn’t let herself cry.
But she doesn’t let herself rest either, when she leaves the hospital after wishing Mizuki a steadfast recovery.
Instead, Mina finds herself in the First Division’s shooting range - bigger than the Third Division’s and practices.
She fires at all the red and white targets like they’re monsters. She imagines her own heart when she shoots.
She closes her eyes, imagines her comrades with their bodies disfigured, bloodied, lifeless - and keeps them there. At the front of her mind.
She keeps their screams, their cries, their shouts ringing in her ears.
She will not fail another time.