Chapter Text
The soft glow of an orange light illuminates the childhood room of Sakuragi. It drenches the wooden panels and the white sheets of his bed in a haze of warmth. He sits on his bed with his head resting against the headboard. Next to Sakuragi is his nightstand where a vinyl player plays a soothing tune he doesn't know. The slow twanging of a guitar sings in his ears like a lullaby. Lyrics he doesn't know sound in a rough yet somehow soothing voice. Sakuragi lets himself drown in the sound like a warm blanket.
Time doesn't seem to pass, only barely noticeable by the sound of soft guitar strings humming a somber tune. It's when the song lures Sakuragi out with the sound of soft drums that his room turns a soft red. It should be scary to any child, but it's comforting. Almost as though it's telling Sakuragi that he is loved.
The click of his bedroom door opening washes away the red bathing the room once again in that soft orange light. He turns to the source. Standing there is a woman whose face is obscured by the light. Her long hair is a fiery red that drapes over a white dress.
“Hana,” she said. “You should be asleep.” Her voice is barely audible yet Sakuragi can make it out nonetheless. As for what it exactly sounds like he can't tell, only that it's comforting.
The woman walks into his room, her bare feet creaking along the wooden floor. Her face is still obscured even as she gets closer. Sakuragi tried to get a good look at her, but it's no use because the light was too bright. She climbs into his bed sitting next to him. Sakuragi still can't see her face. He feels the warmth of a hand on his head then he's pulled into a comforting embrace.
Sakuragi melts into the woman's touch, warmth and comfort surrounding him from all over. Her hands soothe his hair while she hums to the song. Sakuragi still can't understand a single word; it all comes out like distorted water, yet he knows the words are comforting if not sad. The woman's hair covers them both in a blanket of fire. Sakuragi reaches his hand out to touch it, the fine strands are soft like silk against his fingers.
“Hana,” the woman chuckles. “My sweet precious child."
It's here that Sakuragi is finally able to make out the sound of her voice, light and airy. One that he hasn't heard in so many years. A voice that only exists in the crevices of his memory buried away. He misses it and the warmth it always gave him.
Sakuragi attempts to speak this out, but the song abruptly stops and the arms around him vanish. The orange light continues to glow, humming along to the record players scratching. He hears his door shut then the music plays again, a swell of soft strings.
As the strings fade, so too does the orange light until Sakuragi is in the cold darkness. His warmth and safety gone.
Sakuragi isn't adverse to touch; he experiences it all the time, in the fights he gets into and headbutting his friends. He doesn't hug them, which might make him a poor friend, but he never felt the need to do such things. To him comfort is something that he doesn't need, or so he tells himself that.
When Sakuragi finally gets out of physical therapy on a hot summer’s day he's given many hugs by the staff. They aren't anything special, quick and barely noticeable as congratulations on him completing his recovery. There's no fire that he’ll soon come to know the embrace of.
Things never start out easy and that's how it is during Sakuragi's first week back at practice. He’s exhausted from doing over three hundred shots for the past hour and a half, but he made every single one. For the time being Sakuragi needs to take it easy, so simple exercises with the basics is what Miyagi ordered. In the time that Sakuragi was away Miyagi went and became captain.
“You’re easing back into it well, Sakuragi,” said Miyagi. “Soon enough you’ll be back to your old self.”
“That’s very encouraging captain,” Sakuragi says. “Hopefully sooner than later.”
Even if Sakuragi won't be able to play a single game any time soon, he can at least offer some support. Which is a lot of bench warming, but hey he can still cheer for everyone. The team will still be graced with his amazing presence.
“You’re allowed to leave if you want,” Miyagi says. “I don't want you straining yourself so soon.”
“Normally I’d object to that, but my physical therapist would kill me.”
“And I will do the same,” Miyagi says. “Now, I’ll handle the rest you can go.”
Saying his thanks Sakuragi turns to leave the gym. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Rukawa looking at him. Ever since Sakuragi came back he's been catching him staring. It's a little creepy, but who knows maybe Rukawa is in awe of his amazing skills. That's totally what it is not like Sakuragi's heart does a little flip every time. Okay maybe Sakuragi is a little bit infatuated with Rukawa. He won't admit that to anyone else besides himself, and Rukawa hates him anyway.
Sakuragi did stop hating Rukawa at some point during his physical therapy. When he was left alone with his thoughts. He was overcome with an urge to be with him, to hug him and all that other cheesy romantic stuff. However, deep down Sakuragi knows it would never work between them. That's why he continues the act of hating Rukawa, to mostly distract himself from his feelings.
“The hell are you staring at huh!?” Sakuragi shouts at Rukawa. Honestly yelling at him kind of hurts, but Sakuragi needs to keep the act up.
“You shouldn't be trying to pick fights so soon,” Rukawa says, as he tosses the ball into the basket perfectly. “Don't want you injuring yourself in a stupid way again.”
“Shut up asshole."
“If you two don't shut it I am going to rip your mouths off!” Miyagi shouts.
Rukawa sighs and goes back to doing his own practice, completely ignoring the non-lethal daggers Sakuragi is sending his way. Once Rukawa is back to not looking his way Sakuragi sighs in defeat. How is he going to keep this act up, at some point he's going to crack. All those rejections did not prepare him for having actual real feelings this time.
Sighing in defeat Sakuragi makes his way over to the locker rooms. Maybe a shower will help clear his mind.
The shower sort of helped, but now there's a new problem, Sakuragi developed a headache. He didn't even do much today and he's already aching, how fun. He leans back against the lockers covering his eyes from the fluorescent lights. If the pain dulls enough Sakuragi will leave and avoid any unnecessary confrontations.
Since the universe hates Sakuragi, there's the familiar creaking of the locker room doors opening. Sakuragi groans in annoyance, he doesn't want to deal with having to talk to anyone right now. Adjusting his position he peeks out from his hand, waiting to see whoever is in here to disturb his peace. It turns out to be the least person Sakuragi wants to deal with right now, Rukawa. Wow the universe really does have it out for him today huh. Stupid Rukawa and his pretty eyelashes and muscles and…
“Piss off you damn sewer rat,” Sakuragi says just to get those last thoughts out of his head. “You're making my headache worse."
“You're doing that all on your own,” Rukawa says. “Always so loud and obnoxious."
“Why are you here?"
"...It's the team's locker room, you idiot."
Sakuragi doesn't even have the energy to fake glare at him, he just groans from the throbbing in his head. Rukawa moves to lean across the lockers from Sakuragi, arms crossed and his face impassive as ever.
“I am not interested in-
“You did well today,” Rukawa says. Sakuragi freezes in place. He did not just hear that. “Keep it up and you’ll be back to getting fouled out.”
It's comments like this that make Sakuragi wonder why he even has feelings for this guy in the first place. Can say one sincere thing and then has to make it into some kind of insult. Sakuragi can't deal with any of this right now.
“You need to get better at compliments,” Sakuragi says. “Any girl hearing that would not want to go out with you.”
“Says the guy who has over 50 rejections.”
Okay Rukawa has him there, but Sakuragi isn't admitting that out loud. Just because he likes Rukawa doesn't mean he wants to feed his ego…or does he…
“Shove a basketball up your ass,” Sakuragi finally says. Ouch that was a little too harsh. “You’re giving me a headache.”
“Why are you— nevermind,” Rukawa sighs in defeat.
With that Rukawa leaves and as soon as he's away Sakuragi groans in defeat. His face is burning. How is he going to last being around Rukawa for the year? Getting up, Sakuragi ignores the pain in his head and walks out of the locker room. He waves goodbye to everyone then leaves the gym through one of the emergency exits.
The cool air hits his face like feathers. It does well to relieve the burning in his face. Sakuragi walks down the school campus, wondering how he's going to deal with his feelings for Rukawa.
Sakuragi sits on the porch of his house with a plate of watermelon slices. The sky glows in shades of orange and reds as the sun sets. His hands are sticky, but as a child he doesn't care. There's only the soft breeze and the sweet taste of fruit.
“Hana,” calls the voice of a woman. “Come here dear.”
With no thought given Sakuragi gets up and walks into the house. The light inside isn't as orange as the sunset, it's a soft yellow. All the walls have distorted pictures. Sakuragi walks past the pictures with only a single glance given. Whatever was on them likely wasn't important enough to remember.
Sakuragi stops in the middle of the living room. Standing by the white curtains is the woman with the fiery red hair and a vinyl player. She's still wearing the white dress. On autopilot Sakuragi walks up to her and he hears a soft airy laugh. Warm hands pick him up off the ground holding him right to the woman's side. He clings to her as warmth engulfs him in its embrace.
The woman turns her attention to the player moving the needle onto the purple disc. It takes a second but sounds start to play. A beat? followed by drums into a man singing. The woman hums along to lyrics Sakuragi can't understand, but he knows the song is comforting. He clings to the woman tighter hoping to absorb more of her warmth. The woman gently sways them both back and forth to the beat of the song.
“Hana,” she says. “You are the sun.”
Sakuragi barely heard the words, but it made him smile. He hears a line from the song before his world is engulfed in light;
‘Until the morning comes’
After that locker room confrontation with Rukawa practice gets a little more awkward. Sakuragi glances over from time to time to see Rukawa looking his way. He’ll yell at him (he doesn't mean it) which causes the entire team to groan in frustration. Sometimes Rukawa retorts back, otherwise he’ll just shake his head. If this is how Sakuragi wants to get his attention then he stands no chance in winning Rukawa’s heart over.
When a break comes, Sakuragi sits down on a chair next to Miyagi who is sitting next to Ayako. They stop chatting to greet him.
“Hi Sakuragi,” they both say in unison. It's a little cute Sakuragi thinks, but he isn't letting them know that.
“Can we kick Rukawa off the team?” Sakuragi asks.
“Break just started and you're already doing this…” Miyagi says in defeat. “No we aren't doing that.”
“Listen not my fault he's annoying,” Sakuragi says, more like annoyingly cute.
“Maybe if you wouldn't bicker so much this wouldn't be happening,” Ayako says. “Would it kill you to get along at least a little?”
“I’m not getting along with him,” Sakuragi lies. “Every time I see him I feel like punching his pretty face.” Oh shit he said that out loud on accident.
“Did you just…nevermind,” Miyagi says. “You guys are on the same team at least don't fight so much.”
“Maybe Rukawa’s just worried about you,” Ayako says. “In his own strange way, that involves a lot of fighting.”
Sakuragi looks at Ayako like she just told him her favorite band is Oasis. Not that they're a terrible band in Sakuragi's opinion, but it could be so much better. Instead she could say R.E.M. and he would accept that easily. Rukawa showing any ounce of care towards Sakuragi would cause him to explode.
“Sakuragi?” Miyagi asks.
“What makes you think that garbage fox cares about anyone?” These insults are hurting more than they should, maybe Sakuragi should stop.
“For starters if you didn't always fight with him maybe you’d know,” Ayako says. “I’ve talked to him some and he has other interests besides basketball.”
“Ayako you're great, but I do not believe you,” Sakuragi lied, okay maybe he does a little.
“Have you considered just talking to him normally? Without insulting him?” Miyagi says. “Have you tried that?”
The thought takes him by surprise enough that Sakuragi doesn't even bother to comment on it. He gets up and stomps away (he’s not mad) back to practice before break is even over. Knowing more about Rukawa? What would Sakuragi give to do that…
The thoughts persist while Sakuragi makes these last few shots. Is Rukawa a music genius like him, does he like cats or dogs, hobbies besides basketball. He misses his second to last shot and the ball bounces away.
Once Sakuragi gets back into position he throws the ball with one thought, he wants to know so much more about Rukawa, yet he hates Sakuragi... Right? Cheers erupt from the gym and before Sakuragi can even respond much less process anything he feels bone crushing arms wrap around him. Sharp pain erupts along his back.
Time slows to a crawl and the world becomes blurry. Fire spreads through Sakuragi’s body, eating away at his flesh. His breathing stops and the colors around him fade. There's voices yet he cannot hear them; it all sounds static. It feels as though he's dying yet he's still here.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees a woman dressed in white with fiery red hair. She’s looking at him with a smile and eyes as black as two pits. Sakuragi thinks he screams, but he cannot hear it. If he collapsed to the gym floor he most certainly did not feel himself hitting it.
Time clicks back on, colors paint again, the fire burns out, and the static turns into tangible noise. His breathing returns in rapid gasps. Around him the voices of his teammates become more clear.
“Is he okay?” Someone asks.
“Did anyone call the nurse?”
The concerned voices all melt together until finally Sakuragi starts to feel somewhat normal again. He’s still shaken up otherwise at least the world becomes clear again. All of his teammates are looking at him with various levels of concern, but before Sakuragi can speak to say he’s alright the gym doors slam open. Miyagi stomps into the room followed by the school nurse.
“Don't say you're fine Sakuragi. I won't be hearing it,” Miyagi says. “You're excused from practice for the rest of the day.”
Sakuragi can't even get any words out before he's quickly shuffled out of the gym after a few words explaining that he can walk fine on his own. The nurse stays close to him though regardless until they arrive at the office. He gets settled in on one of the beds followed by a flurry of questions.
“You had a panic attack,” the nurse said after Sakuragi explained what happened. “The exact cause of it can vary between people, if there is one.”
“I know that,” Sakuragi says. “I did just recently get out of rehab, guess the shock from whoever hugged me caused a reaction.”
“That could do it,” the nurse says. “I’ll go let the team know what happened, and to tell them to be more careful.”
Truth be told Sakuragi didn't even know that would happen. Guess his body remembers the force of hitting the table then the floor a little too well. If he had just landed on the table he probably would've been fine, he's seen enough wrestlers land through tables and they get back up. The nurse takes her leave, leaving Sakuragi alone to rest, he looks out the window.
There's still light out with a few scattered clouds. Sakuragi isn't unfamiliar with experiencing a panic attack, he's gotten a few as a result of fights, and the time when he found his dad. He shakes off the memory before it festers. Sakuragi would rather not remember that in the nurse's office. He continues to stare at the clouds lost in his thoughts until his eyes become droopy.
Sakuragi’s on the floor playing with a toy red truck surrounded by other toys. The light of the living room is casted in a soft blue from the TV playing, but he isn't paying it any mind. Far too focused on making his toys crash into each other with fake explosion noises.
“Hana,” calls the voice of a woman. “Please be quiet, I'm on the phone.”
Ceasing his playing, Sakuragi turns to the direction where the woman is at. Her hair falls along her back almost blending into the red of her dress. Sakuragi can't make out the words but he can tell that the woman seems tense. He goes back to playing with his toys.
It's when the room shifts to being covered in reds and orange Sakuragi turns back to the woman. She's done with the phone walking over to sit on the couch with a long sigh. Sakuragi gets up to curl next to her, warmth and comfort spreads throughout his body. A hand gently slides through his hair.
“My precious sun,” the woman says. “I’m sorry.” Sakuragi doesn't know what she's apologizing for, but she sounds sad.
“It's okay,” his voice doesn't sound like him, small and weak. “I’ll always be with you.”
There's a soft gentle laugh then the woman gets up, her warmth turns cold. Sakuragi watches her go to the left side of the TV where the vinyl player sits. She grabs a teal colored vinyl placing it on the player and setting the needle.
Soft guitar strings settle through the room. The woman walks back to Sakuragi picking him up and placing him on her side. They sway across the living room to the sounds of a voice singing to lyrics Sakuragi doesn't know. It could lure Sakuragi to sleep.
“I’m sorry Hana.”
A single lyric echoes as Sakuragi’s world fades;
‘Someday we will foresee obstacles’
Sakuragi blinks awake to fluorescent lights buzzing, he feels a lot better. Yawning he stretches looking around. He sees the nurse's chair empty, curtains still drawn, and Rukawa sitting on a chair next to him.
“What the fuck!? Why are you here!?”
“No need to shout idiot,” Rukawa says. “If it isn't obvious, I came to check on you.”
If Sakuragi had any lingering thoughts about his panic attack it's gone now. In its place is confusion and embarrassment. Out of all the people to check on him it had to be Rukawa. Everything really does hate Sakuragi today.
“You? Checking on people?” Sakuragi questions. “Did you hit your head?”
“Unlike you, no I didn't,” Rukawa says. “Contrary to popular belief I do have some heart.”
“Sure you do…now leave.” Actually no, stay here please.
“Always so difficult.”
Sakuragi moves to get up in order to deliver a punch (lightly) to Rukawa's smug face. Except when he does sit up everything goes dizzy and he falls back onto the bed with an uncharismatic flop. Rukawa lets out a small laugh and it causes Sakuragi to freeze, his face flushes at the sound. Oh it's so over for him he needs help.
“Listen, I didn't ask to be checked on,” Sakuragi says, secretly he's glad. “Much less by you of all people.” Very grateful it's Rukawa actually.
Rukawa doesn't say anything, making Sakuragi wonder for a second if he did something wrong. He’d get up and yell right in his face (nicely) if he wasn't so, exhausted and tired. The chair Rukawa is on squeaks as he gets up, Sakuragi looks up at him with a raised eyebrow. Rukawa moves until he’s leaning over Sakuragi.
Before Sakuragi can even think to speak or ask what he's doing. In the most out of character action that Sakuragi has ever seen Rukawa do he reaches out his hand placing it on Sakuragi's forehead.
For the second time today the world comes to a screeching halt. The fire that had extinguished earlier is back, only it doesn't burn. Warmth seeps into Sakuragi’s bones like a gentle kiss. It's everything Sakuragi could ever want, he's sure his face is red, but honestly he doesn't care. Rukawa's hand feels so nice on him. He feels safe for the first time in years. Whatever happened next Sakuragi can't tell you, only Rukawa knows why he did what he did. As though they're the only people in the world, Rukawa leans down, placing his forehead on top of his hand.
Sakuragi just about ends up seeing the pearly gates. Rukawa's lips are inches from him, oh he could kiss him if he wanted to, but he's frozen to the bed. Only kept on this mortal plane by the soft breathing from Rukawa hitting his face. Up close like this he can count the individual eyelashes on Rukawa’s eyes and see the calmness swimming in his eyes. Sakuragi is not okay, please reboot the mission. His face is burning and if Rukawa doesn't move right now, so help him he’s seeing the pearly gates tonight. Just when Sakuragi finds the strength to talk, to shove this asshole off him (he doesn't want to but Sakuragi can't breath), Rukawa moves away.
“You don't have a fever,” he says like it's the most normal thing in the world. “Should still get some rest, who knows that might cure your stupidity.”
Without any other words Rukawa leaves just like that leaving Sakuragi to wonder what the hell just happened. He finds the strength to move his hand touching his forehead, it's still warm.
“What the fuck was that about…?”
Sakuragi practically sprints out of the school as soon as the nurse says he's free to go. He doesn't even say goodbye to her before he slams the door open, sprinting through campus. While he doesn't know where he's going, Sakuragi just wants to leave.
Soon he exits the campus, continuing his sprint down the street, ignoring whatever weird stares he's getting. Sakuragi runs until he reaches the edge of town where a bridge overlooks a river. He leans over the railing to catch his breath, the cool breeze ruffling his hair.
“What is that guy's problem,” Sakuragi mumbles. “Was he set up to do that?”
The questions keep piling and Sakuragi has no answers. Sure Rukawa said it was to check his temperature but he could've just called the nurse back. He didn't need to touch his forehead or stare at him with caring eyes. Sakuragi blushes at the thought in embarrassment, why did he let him get away with that? More importantly he enjoyed it and thought about kissing him. The worst of it though was the nurse actually did check his temperature before she sent him off.
“Asshole,” Sakuragi says. “Just wait until I get my hands on you!”
“I sure hope you don't mean me,” A voice comes from behind Sakuragi, he whips around to see Miyagi standing there. Hands in his pockets in a casual pose.
“Shouldn't you still be at practice?” Sakuragi asks.
“I left early. Said I was worried about you,” Miyagi says as he comes to lean on the railing with Sakuragi. “And I wanted to talk.”
“If you're going to say the same thing asking if I’m alright please spare me.”
“That's a great guess Sakuragi,” Miyagi says. “But I am not here to talk about that, it's about Rukawa.”
“Huh? What about him?” This has certainly caught his attention.
“He's been a little off lately, but notably today,” Miyagi says.
Miyagi then goes on to explain what he means. He did notice Rukawa was staring at him, but he goes on to explain he's been doing that for a while. However, he didn't question it too much as he’s so hard to read that he might as well be staring off into space. What caught Miyagi off guard though was the way he'd look at others when interacting with Sakuragi, like he was annoyed about something. Of course that could just be him being annoyed by Sakuragi in general.
“Then there was today's incident,” Miyagi goes on to explain. “Right after you left with the nurse Rukawa was completely out of it.”
“That sounds concerning.” Wait, he was actually worried?
“He was missing shots and kept looking at the doors, like he expected you to walk back in,” Miyagi says. “As soon as practice was done Rukawa immediately left, without saying a single word of course. Oh, the nurse did come back to tell us what happened, we’ll be more careful with team celebration hugs.”
“Wait, so he willingly checked on me!?” Sakuragi shouts, ignoring that last part completely. “Miyagi, did he hit his head by any chance?”
“Huh!? What do you mean he visited you!?”
Sakuragi quickly explains what happened during Rukawa’s visit. He leaves out the last part of the forehead touching (lord help him if Miyagi knew that), saying they had argued and Rukawa left in annoyance. Once he's done Miyagi puts his chin on hand in thought.
“Hm…he really does let on more than he shows,” he says. “I can't think of any nefarious reason for why he would go see you, sounds like any reasonably worried teammate to me.”
“I cannot compute him having any other emotions than stoic annoying guy,” Sakuragi says, well maybe a little. “But as Ayako and you had said I really don't talk to him much beyond fighting.”
“So…are you saying you're willing to become friends?”
“Nope.” Actually you have no idea at all.
Miyagi just sighs and Sakuragi laughs. They talk a bit more about the rest of the team and soon the sun starts to set. With some quick goodbyes Miyagi leaves saying he’ll see him at practice tomorrow. Sakuragi goes to leave, but he takes one last look at the setting sun. A nostalgic feeling he can't quite place washes over him.
Sakuragi rushes through the front door quickly discarding his shoes then he runs down the entrance, papers in hand and a bright smile plastered on his face. He arrives at the living room almost tripping on his feet.
“Look, look!” he cheerfully says. “I got full marks on my test!”
Sitting there on the couch is a woman wearing a black dress. She doesn't acknowledge Sakuragi right away. Waving his papers and repeating his words the woman finally notices.
“That's wonderful Hana,” she says. “Can you show me later? I’m busy.”
Sakuragi frowns at the response and all excitement is gone. He walks out of the room once he notices the woman's attention is focused elsewhere. For once he doesn't hear any music playing.