Chapter Text
The knocks on Adam and Eve’s mansion escalate from a single thud to thunderous rapping.
“God, I’m coming!” Adam yells impatiently, wrinkling his nose at the cheeky ‘that’s what she said!’ from the other room as he dusts off the cheese puffs from his T-shirt and peeking out the hole of their door before rolling his eyes and putting down the mask he had prepared to wear. “Come in. Literally no free time from you people.”
Sure enough, a blinding flash of light materializes in front of him, and he doesn’t flinch as the light rays morph into Sera’s disapproving face, her wings outstretched as her tall figure loomed over him with her hands sternly folded behind her.
“Adam.” At the sound of the giggling next door, Adam’s lips twitch and Sera instantly turns, rushing over to peer into the room.
Right. He almost forgot that could be a problem.
Charlie smiles and giggles to herself unbothered by the commotion next door, scrolling on her phone through pictures as Eve weaves through her hair gently with a brush and pins trapped between her fingers. “What kind of style you want?”
“Surprise me!” She pumps her arms up playfully, before sheepishly rubbing her arm. “Please, if you don’t mind, ma’am.”
Eve coos and laughs with her heedless of who was watching her, intensely focused on the long strands of blond hair pooling over her palms down the girl’s new pajamas. “It’s just Eve here, dear.”
Sera stares, before glancing back at Adam deadpanned. Adam stares back, absently thinking of the large stash of harpoons and randomass weapons he kept in his closet.
Hair. Koala. Park. Home.
That’s it. That’s all they agreed to.
“Adam.” Sera steeples her fingers together, sucking in a deep breath. “I will only ask this once.”
Adam stifles a fidget, schooling his expression calmly. “Hm?”
Hair. Koala. Park. Home. Then it would be over .
“Did you kidnap her?”
“No.” Adam says without missing a beat.
Sera’s mouth moves, as though she can’t believe he has the audacity to lie to her. She does that a lot. “You say you didn’t kidnap her.” She repeats.
“Yeah. I didn’t.” Adam shrugs.
Sera’s eye twitches. “I specifically asked you, over the phone, if you abided by the terms of the contract and kept away from Lucifer’s and Lilith’s family. That you and Eve completed the meeting and did this with no trouble.”
“I did .” He sticks a tongue out.
“Then why -” Sera’s glowing eyes open, blinking in intense observation as Adam’s blood runs cold and her voice deepens in anger - “are you and your wife currently harboring the daughter of the Morningstar in your residence?”
Adam rubs the back of his neck, hesitating. “Would you believe me if I said she just really, really wanted to hug a koala?”
…
Two Hours Ago
Adam is going to fucking hate her. He already knows it. He made the mistake of not hating Lucifer the moment he laid eyes on him and it doomed all of creation. Agreeing to this meeting in Hell was a mistake. He should have kept to the hologram, he should have just left Eve at home, trying to convince her of the need for Exterminations by making her attend just one meeting with the King of Hell and then having the bastard pull a 180 on him by punting his brat in his stead was just telling of how his day was going to go!
“Would you please relax, love?” Eve worriedly asks him, as Lute stands stern and stiff next to them with her arms folded and eyes sharply observing the doors. His wife is not doing much better with her anxiety, he knows. The very doors through which he was about to see the spawn of his two mortal enemies looms before them - about to open to the face of his worst nightmares, the living breathing embodiment of Hell and the eternal reminder of his descendants’ doom.
It's totally fine.
“Relax? I’m totally relaxed.” Adam assures, eye twitching as he tries to fold his hands neatly. “I’m 100% chillaxed. You should try it sometime, babe.”
He really means it. Eve had struggled to sleep ever since arriving later to Heaven than most. She had cried nonstop for the first week, curled up and shivering on the floor unable to sleep on his - their bed. Adam couldn’t blame her. She had closed her eyes and breathed her last to the image of their grown and growing children doting on them, where sin was new and small - only to awaken to a Heaven where only half of their children still lived and moved on, a city larger than anything she had seen in her life with more food and souls than they knew what to do with.
And, of course, the topic of the yearly Exterminations that had nearly broken their relationship.
Or maybe that was the time he had introduced her to a ‘phone’ and that virtue chick had incidentally messaged him.
Or maybe that was the time he had accidentally called her a bitch and she found out what it really meant.
Or maybe -
“She’s coming!” Eve perks up instantly at the sound of footsteps in the hallway, eyes wide with anticipation and fear as she straightens her back and frantically shuffles away the mess of papers he had left on the desk for no other reason than to piss Lute off.
“That’s what he said.” Adam snorts behind a knuckle, and cackles as Eve swats him.
“Be appropriate in front of her! We don’t know how old she is!”
“Chillax, babe, she’s in Hell.” Adam rolls his eyes, kicking back against his seat and slouching on purpose. He sneaks a glance at the delightfully irritated woman, wiggling a brow.
Eve hastily turns to Lute, ignoring him. “Dear, are you sure you don’t want to sit down?”
Lute doesn’t move, expression still sour as always. “I’m fine, Ma’am.” She says in monotone.
“Oh-” Eve frets, wringing her hands as the footsteps grow closer. “I knew I should have brought some kind of gift, I do wish you had told me about the change of plans earlier, if I had known-”
“This is exactly why I didn’t tell you.” The man growls, putting a hand on her shoulder to calm her and push her down into her seat gently. “Now shush, stop being annoying! I wanna jumpscare.” He never gets to prank souls in Heaven, they cry too easily.
Because she probably hates him, Eve refuses to stop being annoying. “Do not jumpscare the poor girl-”
“Hello?” A curious voice inquires in the darkness of the room.
“S’up!” Adam instantly greets, snapping his fingers to open the lights in an instant as the girl cries out in alarm and stumbles with a curse. He catches the glimpse of the golden hair.
They wait. Lute takes a breath, huffing in impatience.
“Oh my God.” Eve whispers, slowly getting up. “Did- did you kill her?”
Adam closes his eyes. Not even two fucking seconds. “No, I fucking didn’t.” He insists, doubt leaking into his voice as he peers over curiously. “...Did I?”
Out of nowhere, the mini-star decides to pop straight back up and give them a heart attack. “Hi! I’m Charlie! My dad asked me if I could meet you!”
Adam and Eve stare. The girl - Charlie - stares back, bright toothy smile starting to quiver as she unsurely registers their awe.
She - well, Adam supposes she is the true embodiment of Lilith and Lucifer before they turned into backstabbing bitches - the long golden blond hair, the small red circles, the wide red and gold eyes gleaming with curiosity and pure innocence, the skip in her step and melodious voice.
“She-” Eve breathes in wonder, voice stilting with something soft and grieving. She gawks at her like a child discovering a new creature for the first time. “She’s so cute .”
Oh, fuck no. Adam knows that look. He had seen it on her face before - drawing tears of joy from her eyes, causing her to clutch and curl protectively around the squirming newborn babies at her chest.
So Adam says what he said about many babies he helped deliver after the first six. He turns away, huffing in his wife’s ear under his breath. “It’s ugly”
Lute snorts and Eve fucking swats him again . The audacity . 930 years of marriage and 50 kids for this . “I apologize for his behavior, dear.” She speaks softly to the stunned girl awkwardly watching them, and finally Charlie seems to relax, sitting down where Eve gestured for her to. “He wasn’t talking about you. He adores you.”
Adam stammers, face red. He is going to kill Eve.
“He’s sharp on the outside, but he’s a softie.” As though knowing exactly how he’s going to react, Eve smiles back at him, and his anger shrivels. “Everyone loves him.”
Adam is going to kiss Eve. Preferably without the not-child watching them, but yeah.
“Speak for yourself, bitch.” He mutters, trying to sound displeased even as the inevitable smile weaves across his face at the sight of his happy wife.
“Wait, you’re Adam and Eve? The Adam and Eve? Aw, you two seem so much nicer than how people said you’d be.” Charlie croons, voice low with something sad and cautious as she watches them.
Adam’s smile fades, and Eve laughs nervously. “...What did they say about us?”
“Nothing! There’s this new project I’ve been working on that I really want to talk to you about!” Charlie answers happily without blinking, oozing the endless optimism of pre-Eden Lilith, and well, it’s not really their job to prod, even as Adam suspiciously sits back down and Eve folds her arms to listen and nod eagerly to Charlie rambling with the fascination and adoration of a mother watching her child.
Adam is not in a good mood. When he had heard Lucifer was being a coward (again) and evading their meeting, he had a whole plan to mess with this kid, push her buttons and pull some strings, use this opportunity to show Eve the true horror and deserving scorn of Hell, but Charlie had straight-up thrown Eve into Mama Bear mode by existing and now he was being demoted to Dad by extension. This was why he preferred solo acts!
What was next? Lucifer coming up to them and straight up handing the kid over? Was Lilith going to morph from Charlie’s face and laugh wickedly with a triumphant “gotcha!”?
“Rehabbing sinners and cleansing their souls!” Adam’s blood runs cold with dread as he snaps back to reality and Eve’s hopeful eyes turn to him, Charlie bouncing on her heels in excitement. “That sounds…interesting, does it not?”
They had argued about this. Fought and reasoned and read and discussed this countless times. So many times, in fact, that if Adam had killed a sinner for every time they did, they wouldn’t need Exterminations anymore.
…Fuck, that would be kind of awesome. No more guilt haunting him in the middle of the sleepless night, no more tears from Eve, no more suspicious looks from Sera.
But also impossible , because hello , if any soul here was capable of good, why didn’t they try that back when they were alive? If any soul here was worth saving, they wouldn’t be in Hell to begin with. If any fucker here decided to mottle his and Eve’s legacy, hurt the few good people left of his descendants, betray the Heavens and the purpose of their Earthly existence… they deserved to rot. He didn’t suffer through years of denial and existential crises to doubt himself now. What kind of Father of Humanity would he be, if he let Hell’s uprisings threaten Heaven in any way?
…Not that he was a dad, of course.
“This was cute while it lasted.” Adam sighs in exhaustion. He had limited patience for young adults who thought their big ideas could change the world and didn’t acknowledge they were failed and overused ideas that had been tested many times before. He was going to make an awesome impromptu guitar solo to roast her, but talking is so tiring, and if he still cared about genetics, he’d make a half-witty comment about how Charlie was the living culmination of all of Lucifer’s and Lilith’s annoying rambling habits times ten. Obviously, she’s their kid. Their kid who is not a kid.
His brain stays traitorously blank.
“But I like her idea!” Eve exclaims in her defense, because of course she does. Because for all of his reasoning and justifications, she still weeps at night in mourning of the descendants who would never see Heaven. Because for all of the evil in the world, she is the one pure ray of light in his life, and she fucking knows it.
“But Eve liked my idea!” Charlie whines, eyes wide with tears of sadness. “She said I’m cute!”
Adam glares. Was Lilith’s annoying daughter also an unexpectedly adorable cinnamon roll? Abso-fucking-lutely. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t also be a ruthless, irredeemable monster like her parents, ready to morph and bite at a moment’s whim.
Adam has raised baby sabretooths, okay? They weren’t too different from human children. And neither was Charlotte Goddamn Morningstar.
“Please. I don’t know what you remember about my mom, but she really cared about this cause.” Charlie pleads, biting her lip as she presses her hands together. “I genuinely want to help my people. I feel we could work something out together. Nothing would mean more to me than this dream becoming a reality.”
Eve puts a hand on her own chest as Adam studies the princess of Hell. She could be lying. It could be like that time in Eden, Lilith insisted she definitely wasn’t secretly meeting one of the angels near the grove, and it turned out she was . The very word leaves a bitter metallic taste on his tongue…and, well, so do his teeth.
Speaking of Lilith…
“I know your mom more than you.” Adam challenges, careful not to let his secret slip. No one but he and Lute knew of the deal with Lilith - she had grown tired of Lucifer and trusted that Charlie could carry on her dream, and there had been so much they talked about. He knows it goes far deeper - the very same reason he sometimes felt he couldn’t confide in Eve. Nevertheless, he makes the inevitable comment. “Running away from problems is more her style.”
Charlie stiffens at that, hands curling as Adam smirks and Eve frowns at him disapprovingly. “Mom isn’t like that! She didn’t run away! She just…” Doubt leaks into her voice. “She’s busy. It’s okay, though. She’ll call eventually.”
Worried, Eve’s brows knit together and she rests her hands on the desk. “Oh? When did you last talk to her?”
“Just…seven years ago.” Charlie winces as sorrow blusters in her sheepish admission. Eve does a double take and Adam awkwardly looks away, not trusting himself to school his expression.
“Oh my goodness! I hope she’s okay.” Eve exclaims.
Charlie curls her hands around her knees, foot nervously tapping. “Yeah…Dad says Mom is tough and she’ll be fine, but-” Her voice wavers, and her eyes water. Oh, heck no .
“Even so, I am sure she loves you so much, and misses you dearly wherever she is.” The First Mother sympathizes, moving her seat over to gently put a comforting hand on Charlie’s arm. Startled by the kind gesture, Charlie quietly smiles and pats back at her hand.
Eve then gives him a withering glare and Adam watches with his jaw agape, alarm bells ringing in his mind.
“I know.” Charlie then says, as though that’s enough. She sounds so self-assured now, faint trickles of joy and hope blooming in her expression as she straightens. “Mom and I were- are really close. We did all sorts of fun things together. Back when she and Dad were together, we would all go on fun trips to safer places in Hell, like this one beach that has no sewage or litter, and museums and amusement parks.” As she recounts the nostalgic tales, Adam notices Eve listening closely, nodding along.
“That sounds really nice, Charlie.” Eve replies fondly, in a similar tone with a matching sad smile. Something raw and mournful bites at Adam’s heart, and he looks away pointedly as the unwanted image of Lilith and Lucifer holding hands with a baby Charlie flickers in the place of so many of his memories doing similar with Eve and their children.
“...Dad would sometimes tell me about Heaven. Or at least, the stuff they had planned for Heaven to be.” Charlie guiltily recounts, and Adam takes a deep breath through his nose, closing his eyes. And there it was. “It sounds so magical - I read somewhere that they have all sorts of animals, like - koalas ? Small fluffy bear-like things you can hug?” She hugs herself, smiling. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the kingdom my parents built for me in Hell but…it would be so wonderful to see something new. A place where people aren’t always suffering, apparently.”
“Wait.” Eve blinks in surprise as new sadness pales her face. “You’ve never been to Heaven?”
Dumbfounded, Charlie shakes her head. “I was born here, remember? I don’t think I’d ever be able to go, what with my parents being cast out and all. Would have been nice, though.”
“What about your father?” Eve prods, and Adam scoffs before Charlie can answer. Fucking figures Lucifer would turn out to be a deadbeat.
“He doesn’t want to talk about it. He barely talks to me unless he needs something.” Now, Charlie looks more sure of herself - long since accepted her reality, it seemed. Eve watches her for a moment with protective anger.
“...Can you give us a moment alone, please?” Eve suddenly asks, and out of nowhere, pulls out a stack of cards and a board game from her bag with pretzels - what did that woman keep in there? “Here, play with Lute.” She says as though commanding a child, leaving a nervous Charlie offering a deadpanned Lute the snack as Eve takes Adam aside.
Eve grabs his shoulders as Adam’s brain tries and fails to calculate how hard it would be to kiss her from this angle. Math was never his strong suit. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Hoping desperately that he is not, Adam blinks back. “If this is about the toilet seat this morning, I fucking swear it wasn’t me-”
Adam’s heart pounds in panic as his wife slowly shakes her head, eyes distant and transfixed on Charlie as though seeing someone else. Why is he panicking? Eve should be the one panicking. He’s finally going to make her go to fucking therapy as soon as they get back to Heaven. Haha, yeah. She had to face her issues , like a sucker.
“Adam.” Eve swoons and grabs his shoulder to turn him and make him watch Charlie from a distant as though they’re Charlie’s proud parents, and oh, wasn’t that a horrendous thought? “Adam, look at her! She’s just a baby .”
Mortified, Adam tries to pry her off. This was no longer sexy and he was now going to retire to his bed for another 900 years, thanks.
“She’s like, 250 years old! At least!” Adam retorts, in protest to the growing love in her eyes and the weird, squishy feeling rumbling in his gut. A part of him revels that maybe this could be his ultimate revenge - barf all over the new kid, send her screaming back to her stupid parents, whisk his wife away from this hellhole where nothing made sense and purge his mind of everything that happened today.
Eve parts from him, and he misses her warmth as she leans over the table to peer at the girl. “She’s an angel . A darling. A sad, misunderstood, lonely little baby who just needs love. You’re just mean .”
“And you’re … getting divorced.” Adam mumbles disgruntledly, upset he can’t come up with something better as he folds his arm and taps his fingers impatiently.
Eve says what they’re both thinking - what they had mourned and pondered, too afraid to question in front of the Heavens. “She doesn’t belong in Hell.”
And for all the sore, pulsating wound in his chest and the bitterness he tries to keep, Adam can’t deny it. There were many, many people who belonged in Hell. Charlie wasn’t one of them. What had the poor kid done, to deserve being born to the people who ruined creation - regardless of their intention - and being condemned to a ‘throne’ no one respected, a hellhole of misery and pain and suffering when she had never gotten the chance to live? He frequented Hell for the Exterminations. He knew the kinds of people the poor child must have seen.
Nope. Not child. Not his child.
“I know.”
“Adam. She never saw Heaven. She maybe never will.” Eve mourns, clear sorrow blooming in her earthen eyes.
“I know.” Adam replies, panic returning tenfold.
“She wants to see koalas.” Eve reasons, pointing at him. He has half the mind to push her finger away. “Adam, we have koalas. And butternut cankers. And emerald ash borers, and hamadryas baboons, and so many things she would love to see-”
“I know! Don’t fucking point at me!” He hisses, hand on his hip. Why did he marry this dumbass? This smart, beautiful, kind, angelic little shit he couldn’t say no to?
He frantically looks to Lute, and if her masked expression is anything to go by, he’s a fucking idiot. She shakes her head in warning, unmoving from her position.
“Please, Adam.” Eve begs, grasping his hands tightly again. “The girl can feel like she has her parents again, and we can have that again.”
That ?
What was-
Oh. Oh . His throat runs dry.
Adam should say “hell no.” There is no fucking way he is going to willingly bring the spawn of two of the people who ruined their lives into their one safe haven, into the successful peaceful life he and Eve had painstakingly earned.
But Eve’s large pleading eyes stare up at him, tear-filled and lonely, and Charlie’s equally wide eyes blink back up at him inquiringly with a calm innocence that makes his chest clench and twist with guilt. It’s not entirely his fault their family isn’t a family anymore, and it wasn’t fair that his mortal enemies had a great time with their very cherished daughter while his own splintered apart and left two mourning, overworked parents - but he’d be damned if they couldn’t pretend, for a moment, that life could be fair, and that love could be real.
Adam misses it as much as Eve does.
He misses introducing wonder and fun to his children’s lives. He misses the way their innocent faces would twist in excitement at things they created and hunted with him. He misses the fragile awe dawning in their eyes at everything he and Eve did.
Besides, the idea of pissing Lucifer off is hilarious. The idea of vengefully giving Charlie a nice few days with attentive loving parents who only sometimes tried to kill each other was...more exciting than he would let on. The idea of resuming their role as doting parents and putting that empty playground and unhugged koalas outside their house to use was not so bad.
What was the harm, really?
“Fuck it.” Adam breathes, suddenly punting the chair and aggressively pointing in Charlie’s direction, breaking their quiet ‘barrier’. “You wanna hug a koala? You are hugging a fucking koala, kid.”
Despite his sudden change in demeanour, the girl’s eyes widen to the point of saucers, gleaming in the light of the room with anticipation. “What do you mean?” Blinking suddenly as though reality just dawned upon her. “Wait- does this mean - you’re consider my idea about redeeming sinners and-”
“Oh no, we’re not doing that.” He waves a hand. “We’ve all accepted they’re gonna burn.”
“Oh.” Charlie’s face falls in sadness, and he has to look away - only to see his wife fucking betraying him by peering back at the girl sympathetically, hand on her chest and lips downturned. “But I dis-”
“We want you to come with us to Heaven.” Eve announces, holding out her arms. “You must feel so lonely right now, what with your parents being busy ruling their kingdom. You could use a break, and who better to visit Heaven with than us?” She pulls Adam closer, linking their arms.
Charlie gasps in shock, caught off guard from her argument as ten doubts race through the man’s mind. This is a bad idea. This is a fucking fantastic idea. This could ruin them. This could save them.
“...You mean it?” Charlie asks, stunned with caution in her voice. Good, so she’s suspicious.
No, no. This is a trap. The universe wants to punish him. Heaven doesn’t really love him.
Eve leans forward with equal excitement. “Of course! Just for a little while! You can see how it is, maybe even meet some folks and talk to them about what you think! We have some incredibly smart philosophers who can give you food for thought. Maybe you can tell us more about your idea and we can flesh it out?”
Charlie’s hands cover her mouth. “I’ve always wanted to meet Simone de Beavoir!” Pausing, her eyes somehow widen further. “Is it true you guys have ice cream? Like - real food that isn’t on fire or a shitty popsicle?”
Adam jumps onto the desk, dramatically doing finger guns. “We got every assortment under the sun, baby! Chocolate, butterscotch, pecan!” He prepares the finishing blow. “Rainbow sprinkles!”
Charlie’s squeal of happiness nearly shatters his eardrums. It’s glorious . The doting father in him awakens begrudgingly, and he happily feeds it. He doesn’t even need to turn to Eve to know she’s feeling the same thing. Fuck Heaven, fuck instinct, fuck child kidnapping laws. He was going to make this weird, lost child of his enemies happy, and house and feed her with vengeful malice. It’s not like they were adopting her.
This was just until Eve got a proper therapist.
Charlie doubtfully looks down at Eve’s outstretched hand. “Wait, am I really doing this? Am I going with someone who slaughtered my people?” She asks, more to herself than them, and Adam is about to laugh that yes, yes you are, get in the fucking portal before I change my mind -
Eve holds her hand firmly, assuredly. “Charlie, I don’t want to slaughter your people. Your people - were our people too. Maybe, if we start here - we can find a way to help them together.”
Adam disagrees - he disagrees so hard, in fact, that the only thing stopping him from commenting further is the fear that Eve can and will demote him to sleeping on the floor of his own house out of her most potent power of The Guilt Trip.
That seems to be enough for Charlie, however, because something bright and hopefully lights up in her young face, and her eyes sparkle with her wide smile and he is definitely not at all endeared to her.
“Hold on- I should probably let my staff and Dad know I’m going to be away, maybe even pack-” Charlie pulls out her phone to text someone, and he panics.
Adam abruptly plucks the phone out of her grasp and throws it as she yells.
“You’re getting a new phone. I’ll let your dad know.” He announces, wagging a finger. “As your legal guardian for the next…uh- unforeseeable future- or like a day and a half!-” At Charlie’s wavering smile, he raises his voice - “I hereby order you to play all and every single song you like- yes, including, your Mom’s - and enjoy this before I regret it. And uh-” He taps his fingers together. They can’t do everything if they don’t want to get caught, but he can narrow down a list. “Anything else?”
Charlie absently rubs her head. He snaps his fingers. “Hair. Eve can do your hair. Girls like that stuff, right?” He turns to Lute, who has long since turned away so that she doesn’t have to answer regarding her boss’ blasphemy.
Eve nods eagerly. “I can do your hair, Charlie!”
Stunned, Charlie doesn’t reply, as though she doesn’t believe this is happening. “Wow.” She says, unironically. “You guys would make great parents.”
“Hair. Koala. Park. Home. That’s it , okay?” He asks, ignoring the comment.
Charlie observes them carefully, before smiling and nodding reluctantly. She’s so trusting, not at all bothering to make a deal for her safety or to pull advantages on her end. So pure . Well, she has no reason to believe they’d hurt her. Besides the contract and his grievances with sinners, Adam feels pity for hellborn children. Even though Charlie was not a child, much less his child.
Eve holds out her other hand, and Charlie clasps it. Adam’s smile twitches, and he points at Lute. “Not a word to Sera.” He pleads, and the lieutenant only closes her eyes, probably done with him and his family’s antics.
…Family? He shakes his head as he opens the portal and watches a beaming Eve pull an entranced Charlie along and Lute follows.
Adam was just taking his enemies’ only child out for a stroll in the best place in the universe because he was a fantastic husband and not at all a father. This was not an adoption. This didn’t change the millennia of resentment and pain Lucifer and Lilith had caused them. Because in the end, Charlie Morningstar was just an ordinary kid, and once he proved that, he could push this stupid redemption idea out of the way, punt Eve to therapy, fistbump Lute and go back to slaughtering sinners without that stupid niggling feeling in the back of his mind.
Charlie was just some kid. Not his kid, and not really a kid, but yeah. Just a kid.