Chapter Text
"DRIVE FASTER SPY!" Scout shouted hectically.
"Scout I am driving as fast as I possibly. fucking. CAN!" Spy retorted. Spy hated he had to be the one to drive, but between his son at the peak of a sugar rush from drinking seven BONK cans, the barely coherent demolitions expert, and the arsonist that Spy can't be sure is even a person, he was the only one that could be trusted to not drive them off a cliff (though his patience was running thin). "This van is already barely holding itself together, I presume it would fall apart if it could go faster!"
While the father and son were yelling at each other, towards the back of the van Demoman and Pyro were trying to get the Blu team off their tail... well... it was more like Demoman spamming pipe grenades at the pursuing truck while Pyro was trying to get Demoman to not stumble out the back of the van. Thankfully, two pipes did manage to hit the Blu truck, the first blowing up the front windshield and the second taking out the Blue Medic.
"Huddah" Pyro mumbled in suprise. "Ey... uh... flame lassie..." Demoman started to drunkenly say. "Run out of ammo *hic* reckon you pass me... uh... a reload *hic*." Pyro looked to Scout to see if he could get the ammo.
"Maybe if ya prissy ass managed to do ya damn job we wouldn't be fighting for our lives in this fucking van!" Scout said confidently. "MY JOB?" The Frenchman gasped. "MY JOB? I am not the one who made a détour to the Blu kitchen to drink sept BONK Sodas we have back out our own base!" "No we don't! We got cherry fission, they got bluto-"
Yeah, Pyro was not getting help anytime soon.
They wouldn't even need the ammo anyway because Demoman passed out in Pyro's arms. Pyro mumbled what sounded like "good night" and laid Demoman down on the seats. As this happened the Blu Heavy was popping out the roof hatch of the Blue truck, Sasha revving up, and the Blu Soldier was preparing to rocket jump onto the Red van. Pyro noticed too late, and bullet rain soon hit Pyro and the back of the van.
The mean Blu men were taking this game of tag too far, Pyro doesn't feel good when they start bleeding the pretty red glitter.
Pyro quickly found their gas can and threw it at the Blu truck, which miraculously flies though the broken windshield. The gasoline quickly drenched the inside of the truck, including the Blu Sniper driving. Seeing that crime against his team, the Blu Soldier patriotically shouted "We will not let you take the intelligence of the American people!" and rocket jumped towards the Red van. The distance between the vehicles gave enough time for Pyro to react, popping out with their flamethrower to airblast the Blu Soldier back at the truck.
The Blu Heavy, still shooting his minigun during all of this, ends up shooting the Blu Soldier as he flies back from the airblast towards the Blu truck. This shields Pyro from the bullets and allows them time to grab their flare gun and line up a shot.
"SPY LOOKOUT FOR THE -"
The Red van practically flies up into the air as they go over the climax of the small hill they were driving up. While the van is catching air, Pyro shoots the flare, and manages the hit the Blu Soldier. The Blu Soldier bursts into flames, and not long after, the inside of the truck and the Blue Sniper are alight as the burning man collides with the truck. In the panic the Blu Sniper swerves as the Blu team themselves go up the glorified speed bump and fly, but quickly smash against the ground. The Blu truck flips multiple times, and eventually stops, exploding.
Pyro does not get to celebrate this victory, because the speed of the Red van causes Pyro to fly out the back when it lands on the ground. Pyro hears a snap as they go tumbling into a ditch, on the other side of the road from where the Blu team have just exploded. All the way down the pyromaniac lets out pained mumbles, but goes silent as they get knocked out, having reached the bottom of the ditch.
The drive back to base was uneventful after that. Bullet holes littered the back of the van, which Engineer will have to inevitably fix. Demoman slept the entire trip back, Scout was dealing with a sugar crash, and Spy was focused on getting back and going straight to his smoking room. No one noticed Pyro was gone until they reached base.
"Dè an ifrinn?" Demoman confusingly said as he was woken up by Scout poking him with his bat. "Get up ya drunk, we're back." Scout wasted no time, as soon as the Scottish man got up Scout was running out of the van. Suffering from a severe headache, Jeremy just wanted to sleep. Before that, however, Spy stopped him, Blu intelligence in hand. "Scout we have to make sure we did not lose anything." Spy stated, Scout tuning most of it out as he continued walking to base. "Whatever, we got the stupid intelligence, we got everythin' important." Scout said while rubbing his forehead.
"Then where is Pyro?" Spy questioned.
"I said important things." Was the last thing Scout said as he went into the base.
Spy knew two things:
- Scout probably wouldn't have said that if we wasn't worrying about his own headache (which wasn't an excuse, he chose to drink the sodas)
- As much as Pyro weirded out Spy, Spy knew that Pyro always waited for directions, or would wait for their team to go inside with them. They were protective like that, and wanted to have everyone accounted for incase of the Blu Spy.
Spy did not have a good feeling about this. Pyro was missing, and for once Spy was worried for Pyro and not himself.