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I walked up the familiar pathway to his house. Even though it’s been so long, I still remember it like I was here yesterday.
Instead of knocking once I reach the door, I just stand there.
Am I making a mistake? Should I even be here right now? I’m not sure he even really wants me here.
I almost turned around to leave but he opened the door.
“Saw you through the window, you can uh come in.” says Craig, who was shirtless.
I guess that makes sense considering the plan.
“Oh um okay” I said as I walked into his home.
“Do you wanna head outside?” he asked and I nodded.
We walked out towards his backyard and once we got there i put my stuff down on table on the patio, and took off my shirt.
“I just cleaned it so you don’t have worry about anyone else’s germs.” said Craig as he turned the jets on.
The fact he remembered my issue with hot tubs after all these years puts a sting in my heart. Was I really that annoying about it? I guess I was, enough for him to remember to clean the entire hot tub.
“Thanks, you um didn’t have to do that.” i said as I followed him to the hot tub.
“I know it bothers you, and I wanted you to be comfortable” he said in his monotone.
Once we were both sat in the hot tub, the awkwardness was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Why did I come out here? I’m not having a good time. I can’t handle seeing him and knowing exactly how he feels about me. It hurts too much.
Craig start to say something but before he could I spoke
“What am I doing here Craig?”
He blinked like he was confused.
“I missed you.” he said
I scoffed.
“It’s true, Tweek. I did”
“I’ve been back in town for two months, Craig.”
“and it’s taking me that long just to work up the courage to text you!” he said
“Bullshit. What did you have to be nervous about??” I said
“Tweek, it’s been four years, to be honest I wasn’t even sure if I still had the right number.”
“Exactly, Craig. It’s been four years!! I wasn’t expecting to see you ever again!! Do you not know how painful that is for me? How many different emotions I’m feeling all at once?? Why did you invite me here?” I asked him.
“Why did you come?” he asked.
The heat that was rising in me faded away, and I moved away from him, towards the other side of the hot tub.
“You can be as upset as you want, but I didn’t force you to make that decision.” said Craig.
He was right. He didn’t.
We stayed slient for bit. The only sounds were the rhythmic chords of the grasshoppers, distant cars, the squirrels and other woodland creatures rustling in the trees.
It was tranquill, until Craig finally answered my question.
“I never stopped loving you, Tweek.
You know that right?
Even after everything that happened?
Even after all of this time?
I never blamed you for anything.”
There was a monumental shift and it seemed like the tension had been lifted. All this time, I thought Craig was hurting. All these years, I’m been crippling underneath the guilt, but he still loves me.
“You don’t hate me?” I said
Craig laughed and said
“Oh Tweek,”
It was a soft simple laugh, but I still got to see that smile. His smile that could light up the darkest of days.
“I could never hate you”