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Don't Mess With Wednesday Addams' Man

Summary:

One of the parents at Dean's school seems to have a crush on Tyler and frequently flirts with him

Wednesday finds out about it

And it isn't pretty

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“Parent teacher conferences are this Friday,” Tyler reminded her on Monday night. 

Broaching the subject outright, during dinner, the morning as they were getting ready or anytime she was actually coherent would have her dismissing it immediately. Through years of dating and now marriage, he learned the best way to talk to her about these was waiting until he had Wednesday right where he wanted her- sleepy and cuddled up against him. 

The long day at work exhausted her; add in Dean’s high energy and strange need to make as much noise as possible all the time , she was more than ready to get into bed that night. 

So later on, in the darkness of their bedroom, his heartbeat was under her ear, Tyler made his move. 

“What does this have to do with me?” 

“You should go.” 

Wednesday let Tyler handle school related business. He tended to have a lot more patience than she did, so it was better for him to handle those things where she was less likely to get into it with someone else. 

“I’m not going. Don’t ask me again.” 

 



Wednesday rarely made an appearance at their son’s school. It led most to naturally assume he was a single father. There’d been one other mother, one teacher too, that tried their hand at flirting with him- in front of his son, no less. Good thing Dean had been oblivious to what was being said. 

Today, Tyler was picking him up for a doctor’s appointment. He waited in the main office while one of the aids went to fetch his son. There was another parent in there waiting or so he presumed. Of course, he’d recognized her. Tara Hays. She was the mother of one of Dean’s friends. Although, with how many classmates Dean spoke of, he really didn’t know if they were friends or just a playmate of the week. 

“Didn’t think I’d see you here,” Tara said conversationally. 

“Uh, yeah,” Tyler said politely. “Just taking Dean to the doctor.” 

“Oh, my. Is he sick?” 

“Oh, no,” he shook his head. “Nothing like that. Just a regular checkup.” 

He didn’t like the way she was looking at him. Her eyes had dilated, traveling down his body in a way that made him immensely uncomfortable. 

“You’re such a good dad,” she practically purred. “Dean’s lucky to have you.” 

“Thank you,” Tyler coughed into his elbow. He looked away, hoping Dean would turn up any minute now so they could leave. 

She just couldn’t seem to take a hint. She came around to his other side. “I was thinking we could set the boys up for a playdate sometime?” She suggested. “I think they’d love that.” 

You mean you’d love it , he wasn’t fooled. 

“I’ll think about it,” he lied. 

“Daddy!” Dean came bursting through the door. He jumped into Tyler’s arms, melting away any irritation he’d been feeling towards Tara. 

“Hey, Bud,” Tyler kissed his cheek. “I missed you.” 

“Missed you too! Guess what, guess what! We went to the library today and I got Charlotte's Web!” Dean said enthusiastically. 

“You did?” Tyler said with a smile. 

“Yeah! Can you and Mama read with me?” 

Tyler didn’t miss the way Tara’s lips curled into an ugly expression when Dean said mama

“We sure can,” Tyler agreed, setting him back down on the floor. “We’ll do it after dinner, okay, Bud?” 

“Okay!” Dean beamed.

“Let’s get going now.” The sooner he got out of here the better. 

“Tyler, wait!” Tara stopped him. It took a lot for him to bite back a sigh. 

“Yes?” He smiled pleasantly. 

“I’m hosting a barbecue soon,” she started off, “just one last bash now that school’s started. I have a pool too. I’m sure Dean would love that.” 

Tyler opened his mouth, but Dean beat him to it. 

“I like swimming!” 

“That’s perfect!” Tara grinned. “Hopefully you guys can make it. It’s this Sunday at four.” 

“I’m not sure I can,” Tyler said carefully. Dean awwed , slumping in disappointment.  “My wife and I are usually busy on the weekends.” 

It was half the truth. The weekends were a time they caught up on things. But it did its job; Tara’s face fell, then quickly composed. 

“Oh...well, think about it and let me know. I can give you my number or you can give me yours-” 

“I’m sorry,” Tyler took Dean’s hand, ushering him out the door. “We’ve really got to go.” 

On their way out to the parking lot, Tyler walked briskly, only slowing down when he realized his son was having trouble keeping up with him. 

“Daddy?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Are we going to the barbecue?”
Not a chance, Bud, he thought. 

He didn’t plan on mentioning any of this to his wife. Wednesday wouldn’t take it so well. Plenty of jealousy had been stirred up over the years, going as far back to his days at the Weathervane where he’d deal with some of his classmates coming in there, some of them a bit too flirty for his taste. That didn’t happen often but when it did, Wednesday was right there, ready to show them why that was a huge mistake. 

Unfortunately, his son didn’t get the memo. After the appointment, he drove back home, mildly surprised to see her car in the driveway so early in the day. Dean ran into the house, yelling for Wednesday. 

Tyler shut the door behind him. He could hear Dean chattering a mile a minute. 

“-and we went outside for recess and me and Casey and Alex played tag and I was it and-” 

He was hanging off her, hugging her around the waist while she was busying pouring herself a cup of coffee. Or rather, refilling it. 

“Take a breath, Dean,” Tyler instructed. “Give Mama a chance to sit down.” 

Dean pouted, swaying back and forth. 

“How was your day?” Tyler leaned down to kiss her. 

“Tolerable, I suppose,” she said nonchalantly. 

“Uh huh...and do you want to tell me why you’re home so early?” 

A scowl appeared. That surely meant whatever explanation she had wouldn’t be good. 

“I was sent home for the day.” 

Dean was getting impatient, and pressed his face in Wednesday’s, making a whining noise.  

Oh, great . Tyler rubbed his face. “ Why?” 

“The supervisor is prejudiced against outcasts,” she said stubbornly. “He’s not been too keen on my presence and has been looking for any way to not deal with me.” 

“Right,” he said dryly. “And what did you do to cause that?” 

Wednesday was instantly offended. He simply raised a brow in response. 

“I did nothing to warrant his bigoted attitude.” 

“You also said you didn’t do anything when you were a suspect in that case,” he muttered under his breath. 

She heard it. 

“And I was telling the truth. I’m an Addams, they would have tried to pin it on me regardless.” 

He rolled his eyes. Dean removed his face from Wednesday, huffing out and looking at him like he was about to flop on the floor, having waited so long. 

“You can talk to Mama now,” he smiled a little as Dean jumped right back into explaining every little detail of his day to Wednesday. 

Tyler busied himself with making sure he had all the ingredients for dinner, barely listening, if he was being honest. Dean had already told him all about it. 

It wasn’t until he caught the end of it did he pay attention- when Dean let it slip about the barbecue. And in the worst possible way. 

“Daddy, did you give Davy’s mama your number yet?” 

The kitchen was so silent one could have heard a pin drop. Dean was looking at him expectantly, oblivious to the danger he’d put his father in. 

Tyler groaned softly, well aware that his wife was glaring daggers at his back. 

“And why would you have to give anyone your number, Tyler?” 

He swore his child wanted him dead or something. Dean burst out, “Because Davy's mama wanted it!” 

Okay ,” Tyler said, his voice falsely cheery, “why don’t you go upstairs and put your backpack away? I think Nimbus missed you. You should go find him.” 

Dean didn’t have to be told twice. He grabbed his backpack, calling out loudly for Nimbus, stomping all the way up the stairs. 

“Why does Davy’s mother want your number?” She didn’t even hesitate before bringing that up. 

“Wednesday, it’s not a big deal-” 

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she pulled out a knife, seemingly out of nowhere. Tyler had long ago given up on trying to figure out where she had them hidden on her body. Partly because it gave him way too many boners to properly function. 

“You can’t solve everything with a knife,” he folded his arms over his chest. 

“You’re underestimating how efficient they are,” Wednesday stared straight at him, like she was able to see his soul. “You’re also stalling. Now answer my question: why does that woman want your number?” 

“She invited us-” he stopped to correct himself, “me and Dean to her barbecue. And well....she was kinda disappointed when Dean mentioned you.” 

“She clearly holds feelings for you.” 

“Yeah...” Tyler muttered. 

“You know ?” Her eyes narrowed to slits. 

“I’ve known for a while. She’s not subtle.” 

“You didn’t say anything.” 

“With good reason,” he retorted. “I know how you are.” 

Wednesday didn’t say anything right away. He waited for what would come next. “You need not worry,” she said casually. Too casually. 

Really ?” 

“Yes, Tyler. I’m not going to do anything drastic,” Wednesday might have been saying those words but the slight smirk was enough to have him sighing. 

This wouldn't end well. 



Wednesday rearranged her schedule so she could accompany him to pick-up. She got right out of the car, her eyes scanning the crowd that gathered outside the school to wait for the children to be dismissed. 

Tyler leaned against the car, rolling his eyes. 

“You know there’s no reason to be jealous, right?” 

“I’m not jealous.” 

“Then why are you polishing one of your weapons?” 

She was feigning concentration, wiping it down meticulously. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.” 

He snorted. 

With Wednesday standing here, he thought Tara might not approach him again. Who’d actually have the audacity to flirt in front of the spouse? Well, evidently Tara didn’t have any self preservation. 

“Tyler, hello!” She said brightly, ignoring Wednesday altogether. 

“Hi...” He side-eyed his wife, her grip on the weapon tightening. 

“Have you given any more thought to the barbecue?” Tara asked hopefully. 

She was standing a little too close for comfort. Tyler stepped to the side to give himself more space. She didn’t seem to notice, or chose not to. 

“Actually, about that-” 

“I’m afraid we cannot,” Wednesday chimed in. 

Tara’s smile became fixed. She was looking at the weapon Wednesday was still holding onto, her face pinched. “Are you his wife?” 

“Indeed, I am.” There was a fire behind Wednesday’s eyes that made Tyler move one leg in front of the other. She was way too hot for her own good sometimes. 

When Tyler was able to focus back on the situation at hand, he realized that his wife and Tara were staring at each other. Tara was smiling passive-aggressively, while Wednesday was impassive as always. 

“Well, that’s too bad. Dean seemed to be excited to swim.” 

“He’ll get over it.” 

Tara’s fake smile dropped at once. “Well, if you’re sure...” 

“We are,” Wednesday said coldly. 

Tara must have had enough of speaking to Wednesday. She deliberately turned so her back was facing his wife. He winced. That was the wrong move to make. 

“Are you planning on coming to parent-teacher conferences, Tyler?” 

“Uh, yeah,” he replied.

“I’ll be there too,” Tara said with a flirty wink. She started to walk away when the front doors opened, purposely sashaying her hips. “Bye, Tyler. I’ll see you there.” 

Tyler put a hand on the weapon, forcing Wednesday to lower it when she’d started to aim it straight for Tara. 



Contrary to what she’d said in the beginning of the week, Wednesday came to parent-teacher conferences after all. Tyler had eyed her as she’d gotten into the car wearing a long, black coat but decided not to ask to preserve his own sanity. 

Dean had stayed home. Pugsley came over to babysit him, probably to raid the fridge too. 

“Stop that,” Tyler hissed in exasperation when he noticed her subtly looking around for Tara. 

“I know she’s here.” 

“It’s still early,” he muttered even though she most likely wasn’t listening. “Are you coming in to talk to his teacher?” 

“No. Why would I? You can do that.” 

He sighed. “Wednesday, please don’t start anything.” 

“I’m simply letting her know why it’s wrong to touch what’s mine,” Wednesday said. 

“And I appreciate that,” he held her by the waist, “but killing or maiming her isn’t the way.” 

“There isn’t any other way, Tyler.” 

He tilted his head back, closing his eyes. Tara wouldn’t be leaving the building tonight without having interacted with Wednesday at some point. She wouldn’t be able to hide, not when his wife would seek her out. 

“Just promise me you won’t kill her.” 

“That entirely depends upon her own behavior tonight.” 

Wednesday ,” Tyler said firmly. 

But she brushed him off. “If she doesn’t value her life then it should not be expected of me to spare it.” 

“I don’t want the cops to be called on you,” Tyler said. “ Again.” 

“That was a misunderstanding,” Wednesday knew what he was referring to. 

“So you didn’t put an alligator in the neighbor’s pool?” 

“Of course not,” she said smoothly, “had I done it, it would have been well deserved.” 

“This is why no one ever invites us over,” Tyler pointed out. 

“You’re saying this as though I would willingly attend,” she said. 

There were some parents standing in the hallway waiting for their turn. They talked amongst themselves and luckily, Tara wasn’t there yet. Her son has the same teacher as Dean so unfortunately, it wasn’t like she’d be elsewhere in the building. 

Wednesday glared at the other parents when they’d look in the direction every so often. To contrast this, he smiled, hoping to let it be known that they weren’t both antisocial. 

“How long is this going to last?” Wednesday said. 

He shrugged. “I don’t know how long we have to wait. It’s not our turn yet.” 

“Oh, Tyler, you made it!” Tara came from behind, chirping. 

Oh , this was just what he needed right now. 

“You both made it,” Tara said when she saw Wednesday, noticeably less enthused. 

“Of course we did,” Wednesday said. “You sound surprised.” 

Tyler made the point of stepping slightly in front of his wife so he’d have the chance to block whatever was going to be aimed at Tara this time. 

Tara gave a little laugh. “You can’t blame me. You’ve hardly ever shown up here. I thought this handsome guy was all alone.” 

She’d tried to nudge Tyler in a psuado-friendly way but he moved before she could. He was already wincing at her word choice. She really seemed to be trying to worsen things for herself. 

“Is that right?” Wednesday’s face darkened. 

Fortunately, the conferences were just beginning to start. The other parents went off to the correct room for their child, the conversations dying down. Tyler would be the second in line for Dean’s teacher. It’d be a good thing considering his wife was seconds away from attacking Tara. 

Tara wore a small smirk, adjusting her purse strap. “Yes. Did he ever tell you how we met?” 

“I don’t believe so,” Wednesday’s voice lowered dangerously. 

“Really?” Tara’s smirky smile never wavered. “Well, he definitely saved my morning, that's for sure. My son scraped his knee and was crying. Tyler knew just what to do, didn’t you?” 

Tyler was caught in between the middle of things. He had his wife on the verge of taking Tara out , and the other woman was doing her best to give him this seductive smile. 

When Dean’s teacher popped her head out of the classroom to tell him he could come in, well Tyler made a beeline for the room. 



“Yes, it sounds like he is well equipped for child rearing,” Wednesday sneered. 

The two women were staring each other down again, making all the other parents nearby uncomfortable. 

“He’s certainly been a huge help with my little Davy,” Tara said. “You might want to be careful. Good looking and good with kids. Someone might scoop him right up.” 

She laughed, but Wednesday did not. 

“Should that be the case, then I’ll have no choice but to show them my barrage of weaponry.” 

Tara let out an unimpressed mmm . “And if they didn’t think you were serious?” 

Wednesday raised a brow, reaching into her coat. 

 



“He’s doing very well,” Dean’s teacher informed Tyler. “Usually we see the kids struggling on the multiplication but Dean is really picking it up. He’s only needed help maybe twice with a problem.” 

Tyler smiled proudly. “Yeah, he hasn’t asked for any help from me or my wife.” 

She flipped through some papers on her desk, pulling out one with Dean’s name on it. “This is Dean’s progress report.” 

He took it to look over, the sound of someone’s body falling several times reaching his ears. Slowly, Tyler tore his eyes off the paper, meeting the eyes of the teacher. 

“Wonder what that could be,” Tyler shrugged, a semi-awkward smile on his lips. 

She looked concerned. “I think I’ll go have a look-” 

There was no need. Wednesday came into the classroom, looking pleased with herself. 

Tyler covered his face with his hand. 

The teacher’s eyes darted from him to Wednesday. “Are you his wife?” 

“Yes,” Wednesday said sharply. Then she smoothed down her coat. “You might want to call for an ambulance. It seems there’s been an incident on the stairs.” 

The teacher’s eyes widened and she rushed out to find out what happened, leaving the two of them in there alone. 

Wednesday sat down, crossing her legs. “You won't have to worry about her anymore.” 

He sighed. “I can’t with you...” 

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