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Moonlight trickled in through the window of the dimly lit study. That and a single candle were the only things that illuminated Barok’s reading materials. On his desk lay whatever legal documents and prosecutorial paperwork he should have been tending to. Throughout the night however, his attention drifted from his legal work to the newspapers. Logically, he knew he shouldn’t have gotten so distracted. But lately, he simply couldn’t help it.
Like most of the public, such headlines as Don’t Be Fooled — The Reaper Still Lives! and A Prosecutorial Conspiracy caught his eye. It was a sick curiosity. Of course every word in those articles was false, but it exacerbated the deep-seated paranoia that had festered in London for over a decade now.
Recently, Barok made the difficult decision to reveal the true nature of the Professor — and by extension, dissolve the mythos of the Reaper — to the public. He expected a deluge of speculation and shock from the citizens of London. Nothing prepared him for the absurd rumors that followed.
Not everyone distrusted his words, but Barok strongly felt the venom seep through the ink from those that did. Those that believed that Klint haunted Barok were now convinced that his ghost was a more evil influence than they thought — that Barok wasn’t just followed by the ghost of his brother, but the ghost of a serial killer . Others still feared for the lives of the defendants that hadn’t yet been killed after a not guilty verdict. Some speculated that Barok’s confession was his cruel attempt to distract from his wrongdoings at the expense of his deceased brother’s name.
But he felt it was necessary for the sake of honesty. If he could shed his image as a harbinger of death, perhaps the public wouldn’t fear the legal system any longer. Perhaps foolishly, he had hope in his decision. There was still hope that the distrust would die with time. But time moved sluggishly.
He was exhausted. But he did have someone to lean on.
“Barok?”
Barok looked up from his reading materials to see his beloved partner in the doorway. The small amount of light in the room was thankfully enough to light up the gentle expression on his face. He was smiling. The warmth Barok felt when he usually saw it made its presence known once more.
Quietly putting his newspaper away, Barok smiled back at him. “Albert,” he greeted. “Please come in.”
Albert swiftly walked over to him. Barok noticed how his smile widening with each step. He became all the more smitten with him as he approached. Once they were close enough to each other, Albert bent down and softly pressed his lips to Barok’s and gently stroked his hair.
It was such a blessing to be able to kiss him like this. Barok always wished to be this close to him ever since university. And that wish grew stronger when Albert first returned to London months ago. When they confessed their long-growing romantic affections to each other, neither of them wanted to be as distant as they were before. That they managed to keep that promise to each other was something Barok was grateful for.
And he was especially grateful that Albert sailed over here once he was told about what the papers were saying.
“How are you, dear?” Albert sweetly asked him.
Barok looked back up at him. “I’m all right. I’ve just been reading a few things. What brings you here?”
“Oh! I just wanted to see how you were. I was on my way to the balcony to watch the stars before bed.”
It made sense. Late at night, Albert would often make his way under the covers dressed in the scent of the outdoors and the cool nighttime air. Barok noticed it every time he curled up close to him. It was likely he spent time on the balcony all those nights.
“I see,” Barok said. “Shall I let you be on your way then?”
“A-Actually, um, why don’t you join me tonight, dear?” Albert asked. “It’s really quite beautiful out.”
It was tempting to spend the rest of the night with him, but Barok felt guilty enough that he wasted so much time reading the papers instead of focusing on his actual work.
”I would love to, but I really should read a few more things before bed, and —”
“Please?” Albert interrupted, placing his hand on Barok’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I just…it’s all so peaceful to look at. And I can’t think of anyone else I’d like to share the view with more.”
Barok smiled. It was hard to refuse him. Besides, this might help him relax a bit. “Very well.”
Albert’s eyes filled with excitement. “Wonderful! Let me show you what’s up in the sky right now!”
He held out his hand for Barok to take. Barok got up from his chair and followed Albert, whose eagerness came out in his quick strides.
His love of science elevated Barok’s mood more than anyone else could. The joy he exuded in his lengthy explanations seemed to outshine any reminders of the hostility Barok had been facing. And he savored every word of his. It especially gave Barok a decent excuse to set the newspapers down.
Albert opened up the balcony door. Barok took in the view in front of him. Of course he had seen the sky before at this hour out the window, but from here the tapestry of glittering stars against the dark sky seemed so much more expansive from here.
Still holding his hand, Albert led Barok to the balcony railing. He scanned the sky for a quick moment before letting go to point to a specific area.
“Well of course we have Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, as you probably recognize. Their positions make them visible all year round in the Northern Hemisphere. And over there we have Draco, Lyra, Hercules…oh! Just across from there is Serpens. You know, all of these have fascinating stories behind them! I should read up on them and tell you more in detail another night. And, ahhhh, some lesser known ones, such as Boötes and Canes Venatici up around where Serpens is!”
Though it was hard for Barok to precisely pinpoint the constellations — especially considering most of them merely looked like a bunch of scattered dots — he appreciated how their presence brought out Albert’s enthusiasm. Admiration for his partner grew with each new constellation he pointed out. Barok couldn’t help but look at him lovingly.
“Your knowledge always astounds me, dear,” Barok complimented. “Have you been out studying them these past nights? You’ve been coming to bed quite late after all.”
”An astute observation, Barok!” Albert exclaimed. “I have been out here quite a bit, yes.”
“Tell me, what has you so interested in the stars lately?”
“A-Ah, well, they’re beautiful! How could I not be? You know, scientists back then believed their findings should be used to not only understand nature, but to respect it and connect with it. Of course that sort of thinking lost popularity after some time, but it’s still nice to be reminded to appreciate what’s out there, is it not?”
“I suppose so. But is that the only reason?”
Albert paused for a moment. “I suppose they’ve been at the forefront of my attention as of late,” he admitted. “Many other physics professors have been conversing with those from the astronomy department.”
Barok felt he was getting a better sense as to why Albert was out here so often. “Do you talk with them often?”
“The departments are quite close to one another. The astronomy professors there will gladly talk about their observations, and lately there’s been such a keen interest in the stars that it’s hard not to come across a new idea. So I’ve been listening in, absorbing what I can from those conversations. I’ve learned quite a bit just from that, and by reading on my own.”
Barok smiled. “Might this be a field you would be interested in contributing to?”
“Perhaps.” He glanced at Barok with a slight smile before turning his attention back to the night sky. He folded his hands and fidgeted with his thumbs.
Barok rubbed his shoulder in support. “It’s just like you to be so inquisitive about everything scientific. If you choose to study it, I’m sure you’ll make some very meaningful findings, dear.”
Albert flashed a slight smile at him again before it disappeared.
Barok stood there. A part of him was expecting Albert to begin excitedly listing off any ideas that sprouted in his head, the methodology he would be using, the various directions his research could take him in. But he remained silent. It was very unlike his usual declarations of finding something interesting to study.
For several moments, Barok just stayed there with him in silence, waiting for him to say something. He didn’t want to pry, no matter how odd he seemed.
“It might be better than what I had been pursuing.”
There it was.
“Is that what this is about?” Barok asked concerningly.
Albert didn’t make eye contact. Shame radiated off of him.
“I’m honestly surprised, Albert.”
“...Why?”
Why?
“You’ve talked a great deal about physics research to me recently. It seemed that every day you had something new to share with me.”
“I…I still find it to be a fascinating subject, even if my enjoyment of it lately has been, well, different. And…”
Albert remained tense. The longer the silence continued, the more Barok’s head reeled with questions. There was so much he wanted to ask, but he couldn’t seem to say anything. He just had to let Albert talk.
“…and it did turn your attention away from the papers.”
A wave of guilt struck Barok. He hadn’t realized how obvious it was how much the papers affected him. “I would hope you did not do all that for my sake, dear,” he said.
Albert quickly shook his head. “No, not entirely. I loved talking about it with you. And it was just nice to see you smile.”
It was a bit of a relief to hear, but Barok still felt uneasy knowing that Albert still pushed his troubles aside like that. He moved closer to him and rather timidly put his hand on his shoulder. His constrained movements made it quite apparent that he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle this. But what good was he if he couldn’t comfort him now?
“Albert…tell me what happened. I want to know.”
Barok stayed silent to let him speak. Albert fidgeted with his hands more before he mustered the strength to say anything.
“It's no secret my research hasn’t exactly gone anywhere. That much has been proven in a court of law.”
An ache spread throughout Barok’s chest as he remembered it. Though he tried his hardest to have Albert make it through the trial maintaining his integrity as a man of science, he supposed there wasn’t much he could have done to prevent him from feeling like this if his hypothesis was indeed faulty.
“When I came back to Germany, it was difficult to concentrate on work or even begin to think about new research in my field. And even if I did, the others in the department were less willing to trust the validity of my ideas…or of me as a scientist.”
“Oh, Albert….” Barok thought back to how passionate Albert had been about his work ever since university. No matter what, there had always been a light in him that refused to dim. He had the utmost faith in his work — and himself. To see him feel so hopeless was utterly painful.
“I can’t even say I blame them, Barok. I…I created a national scandal!”
He remembered it all too well, as did much of London. It captivated the public. Everyone in the papers had something to say about it long after the trial concluded. Barok’s stomach twisted whenever he heard talk of it.
“My life’s work was used for something so awful — someone died .”
“That wasn’t your fault, Albert,” he tried to reassure him. As much as he wanted to hide it, his voice was noticeably tight.
“But…as hard as I might try, my reputation might never recover. My work, my name…it might forever be associated with that event. Where does one go from there? Where do I go from there?”
Barok took in those questions. He folded his hands as his forearms rested on the railing. Any words of comfort he had sank to his stomach. What Albert spoke of was overwhelming to contend with — the suffering of others he could never take back, the painful revelations during his trial, the image he was desperate to shed.
Barok knew all too well what it felt like.
“…I don’t know, Albert.”
He looked up at the sky. The stars twinkled. He connected the dots of constellations, the shapes of many he was still uncertain about. But it didn’t matter. As his thoughts swirled around inside him, they were steady, beautiful images for him to ground himself with.
He would have stared at them for hours were it not for the sensation between his palms that snapped him out of his thoughts. Albert’s fingers brushed between his hands, loosening their grip. He laced their fingers together and reassuringly stroked Barok’s hand with his thumb. Barok squeezed his hand. Albert managed to give him a smile.
“The stars are a comforting presence, aren’t they?”
They were certainly lovely, but Barok found the man next to him all the more comforting, especially as he stared into his gorgeous blue eyes. They themselves were an entire entrancing sky, the glimmer in them a beautiful cluster of stars. Barok bent down to kiss him, still clutching his hand.
“They are, yes,” he whispered.
He gazed at his partner. Albert looked away after he had stared for long enough and smiled bashfully. Barok could feel the love within him swell. He simply couldn’t look away from him. And he certainly couldn’t leave his worries alone either.
“Everything will be all right,” Barok reassured him.
Albert looked back at him once more. “I should be telling you that, dear.”
“Albert….”
“No, no, listen! I know what you’ve been thinking about. And, and please! I know how tough it’s been. I’ve seen how you’ve been affected. But you’re an excellent prosecutor. You’re incredibly committed to the truth. I’ve seen it myself!”
Barok’s eyes wandered to their hands, which were still interlocked. It never ceased to astound him how highly Albert thought of him after all this time.
“It’ll be okay, despite your mistakes. I know you.”
“My dear —” Barok looked into his eyes. He needed to make sure he was listening carefully — “if you can believe that about me, surely you can extend some grace to yourself.”
“W-What?!” Albert stammered. “But Barok, my research has been complete nonsense this entire time! You’ve seen my work at its absolute worst!”
“Albert. You’re nothing short of brilliant. And despite everything that has happened, it doesn’t change what you’re capable of. But you have to trust yourself.”
There was still a deep, palpable sadness that surrounded Albert. He slowly wrapped his arms around Barok and nestled his head in his chest.
“I’m sorry, I just…have a hard time understanding why I should,” he muttered.
Barok held him tight. His hope of pulling Albert out of his despair felt further out of his grasp. He simply didn’t have the right words to convince him of his worth no matter how strongly he believed in it. And right now it seemed they wouldn’t reach him anyway. Barok hated seeing him like this. He hated knowing that all he could do was let the warmth between them calm him as much as he could.
As they embraced, Barok noticed the stars once more. The scene before him was still just as stunning. Albert mentioned before that he thought that as well. However, Barok had a feeling that there was still more about them that Albert had become so attached to these past nights.
“My love, what do you see when you look up at the stars?” Barok asked.
Albert lifted his head from Barok’s chest and gently pulled away from his arms. He thought about this question for a moment.
”Possibilities,” he answered. “The amount we might uncover about them and the universe as time goes on — it’s exciting to think about. There’s so much we can do with the knowledge we might someday gain.”
The natural radiance in his eyes began to show again, even if just a little. Barok was relieved to see that hint of passion in him again — the very same that drew him to him in the first place so long ago.
“Perhaps even…oh, but that’s so far off from reality isn’t it?” Albert quietly remarked.
“What is?” Barok asked.
“Well…perhaps one day we may even…travel there. To outer space. Or perhaps even —” Albert pointed upwards with his free hand — “there.”
Barok followed his finger in the direction he pointed at. His eyes flew past the shining constellations that Albert had listed earlier before landing on the large celestial object that overlooked the entire sky. It fully dawned on Barok what Albert was suggesting.
“Th-There?”
Albert nodded.
“To the Moon?”
The idea of it stunned him. He had heard talk of humans going there, but it was all purely fantastical, a staple of fiction. To hear it as a serious possibility was absolutely surreal.
“Y-You never know, right? There have been some exciting studies on space flight and propulsion, with one suggesting it might be possible to travel in a vacuum. Although one would need an incredible amount of power to be able to pierce through the atmosphere.” He awkwardly chuckled. “Ah, I say that like it’s so simple….”
Barok sensed the lingering insecurity over his ideas in his voice. He felt bad for acting as incredulous as he did before.
“But…it’s possible?”
“I know it seems unbelievable. But one day perhaps, even if we’re not around to see it.”
He was still thinking toward the future. Any hint of him doing so gave Barok a slight sense of relief.
“I do look forward to seeing what happens,” Albert added. “There’s so many talented minds out there.”
“Of course,” Barok agreed. “And you’re one of them.”
Albert fidgeted with his hands again. “I don’t believe it will be me who will figure it out. After all, a few years ago, I might have suggested beaming someone up to the Moon via instantaneous kinesis,” he recalled. “ My type of thinking simply has no place here.”
Barok thought about that assertion. Was that actually true? He could feel the smile peeking out in his expression as he finally realized the words he needed.
“That type of thinking is absolutely why it could be you,” he said.
Albert sighed. “Barok, I…I don’t want to think that way anymore! It hasn’t done me any good and it never will.”
Barok paused for a bit. “Well…traveling to the Moon…that would be quite a big undertaking, would it not?”
“Oh! Yes, for sure! I can only imagine what a massive operation it would be….”
Barok nodded. “One would need plenty of ambition to conceive of it.”
“Exactly!”
“…And after hearing the details of many of your ideas, I would say that is something you no doubt possess.”
Albert looked up at him, his eyes frantic with disbelief over what Barok was suggesting. “I…! I suppose, but, but…!”
Barok swiftly moved past whatever rebuttal he was about to make. “I would also assume such a feat would require extreme dedication and knowledge. I have firsthand experience of all the nights you spent engrossed in your studies, how tirelessly you’ve worked to understand all the complicated topics within your field — ever since the day I met you, you have always shown yourself to be a dedicated man of science.”
The disbelief in Albert’s eyes was still present, but its intensity had dwindled.
“You have an uncanny ability to conceive of such daring ideas,” Barok continued. “And with all the valuable knowledge you have, you might be the best person for this.”
Barok expected Albert’s mood to improve, even just a little. He thought he was getting through to him. But Albert appeared defeated and exhausted.
“…I’ve been so careless in the past, Barok. Even if the worst of what happened back then wasn’t my fault, I clearly lack the sense to make good choices. What if I make an oversight at the cost of an experiment? Someone’s life? It feels inevitable that I’ll make yet another disastrous mistake.”
It wasn’t enough for Albert to be told of his strengths if he felt he couldn’t utilize them well. He was convinced they were rendered worthless along with his machine during that dreadful incident. The task now was to show him otherwise — that his strengths weren’t trapped under the weight of his supposed ineptitude.
Barok thought about his approach. This situation wasn’t so dissimilar to times in trial where he felt his case had largely been destroyed by the defense. But he often found other avenues. And he had to try now, too. He had the chance to truly do some good with his prosecutorial skills for the first time in what felt like ages — to use them as a function of restoration rather than destruction as they so often had been. And even more importantly, it was for Albert. If anything, it was for him. What he needed to hear was a line of thought that would be compelling to him .
And to convince him, Barok had to speak his language.
“You’re a scientist. Tell me, what happens when an experiment fails to provide the results you expect?”
“You…see what might have gone wrong and change your approach,” Albert answered.
“Right. Failure is not only a part of the process, it paves the path of one’s research moving forward. One cannot discover the correct answer without considering the incorrect answers. Essentially, a scientist uses failure to their advantage. It becomes its own valuable data. And a scientist’s research only grows from it.”
Albert didn’t interrupt him. There was a concentration in his eyes that indicated that he thought there was something in that statement worth listening to.
“If you have the ambition and intelligence that I know you do, your failures will only be a hindrance for a short while. It is up to you to infer how to change your approach to your work. And I believe in you to learn from your mistakes.” He held Albert’s hand and looked into his eyes. “ But you need to trust yourself. ”
Albert stared up at him, glowing with a thankfulness that made everything seem less hopeless. He donned a smile that Barok had wished to see from him this whole night.
“You make quite the compelling argument,” he said. “I should have expected this from such a talented prosecutor.”
“You said it yourself, dear,” Barok said, lifting Albert’s hand to kiss it, “I’m incredibly committed to the truth.”
A hint of color spread throughout Albert’s face as he said that. Barok felt the heat rise in his own as well. It happened so easily, as if he never fully got used to how absolutely endearing he was, even after all these years. He pulled Albert in close. Albert happily wrapped his arms around him. Barok hugged him tightly as if his arms could seal in Albert’s confidence, preventing it from escaping.
The stars greeted Barok with their shine as he held him. He began to understand what Albert saw in this a bit better — a scene begging to be studied and explored. And the right person to do that was here in his arms.
“Albert? Do you perhaps have any more to say about the night sky tonight?”
“Well…perhaps there are a few things of interest I see.”
Barok smiled at him. “If it has been inspiring any ideas in you, I would love to hear about them.”
Albert smiled back. He turned to the sky, ready to point out anything of interest.
For the rest of the night, Albert talked of the scenes in the sky and the stars that brought them to life. Spots of light that seemed insignificant transformed into wells of potential discovery through the elucidating power of his vibrant explanations. He had always been an engaging speaker, but he was all the more spirited tonight.
He talked about whatever came to mind until they went to bed. Barok lay in bed with his companion in his arms. A warm sense of hope for his partner filled his chest as he thought about everything going forward. Because despite his mistakes, all the people who might not believe in him, and how hard it might seem for him to continue his work, he believed in Albert to overcome it all.
And surely if Barok could believe that about him, he could extend some grace to himself.