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The sunlight filters through the windows beautifully this early in the morning. Streams of golden light bouncing off the soft blossoms and gentle greens fill Nazuna’s vision as he leans against the window of his classroom, making this rare moment of peace rather ethereal. He’s usually early, but considering he only has a few more days in these halls, he’s made an effort to come early to simply enjoy the scenery while he can.
It’s far more beautiful these days, and he finds himself content to let it be. Any further change would be done by his juniors and their juniors and so on. He’s washed his hands clean of the darkness that used to haunt these halls, and he’s sure he wouldn’t willingly muck up those feelings any time soon.
He hates to admit it, but despite all the pain that year brought him, the future is blindingly bright for him. Nazuna will never agree with the suffering that made it that way, but maybe… Maybe he can accept it.
A sigh leaves him, before he startles. It’s far too early for his classmates to arrive, but there’s the distinct sound of shoes shifting across the tiled floor. The noise is subtle, meant to not be noticed, but Nazuna has always been far too jumpy for his own good.
He debates turning around for several seconds, pros and cons flitting back and forth in his thoughts like eager messengers. Rationality loses in the end, and he finds himself swiveling to put his back to the window, and stare straight at the doorway.
It’s almost too fast for him to notice, the way the other shifts out of sight so quickly. In any other circumstance, Nazuna might even have been inclined to simply groan in exasperation and let this certain person off the hook. But the small flutter of a familiar pink lock of hair lets him know immediately who stumbled upon him. Quite funny actually, considering his classroom is in the other direction. Nazuna’s become used to seeing him at odd times this year, though. And he often has a sneaking suspicion he’s watched him far more than he noticed.
It’s creepy. It’s weird. But it makes his heart flutter a bit, too.
“Itsuki, is that you? You can show yourself, you know.” There’s a hint of a smile in his voice, despite the unimpressed look on his face as he turns away from the windows and leans against them instead. He can hear the other sigh, defeated, before he even enters the classroom.
Nazuna merely raises an eyebrow when Shu finally walks in seconds later. His face is notably flushed, embarrassment at being caught clear. It’s with slight surprise Nazuna notices he’s completely alone. Arms that usually were lent to his beloved doll empty, merely crossed over his chest as he continued to stand in the doorway. Unsure.
“Ahem.” Shu clears his throat, gathering the courage to actually speak to the other, “Good morning Nito. I apologize if I caused any alarm… I was merely passing by.”
A bold faced lie, and one Nazuna isn’t afraid to call him out on. He doesn’t really have the patience for tact at this point. They’re graduating soon. There’ll be no more time for whatever song and dance they’d adopted sometime in the beginning of the year, not from now on.
“Uhuh. Y’know, this really isn’t on the way to your classroom. Or your clubroom…” He trails off, his face finally starting to let his smile break free as Shu gets increasingly flustered at his words. Not that he himself doesn’t also feel a bit embarrassed saying it. His fingers tap the windowsill almost nervously, soothing his feelings the best he can in his fidgeting.
“What are you trying to imply?” Shu’s eyes narrow, but he’s clear he’s already given up the fight. It seems winning isn’t necessary for him in these kinds of scenarios. Openly denying anything when it came to Nazuna was never his strong suit, and he takes advantage of that with secret contentment.
He decides not to answer his question. They both know what he meant. And the sun on his back is still too warm to let the chill of annoyance fully set in.
“For someone who's always insistent on ‘not following’ me, your face tells me you're pretty excited to see me.” Nazuna laughs as he hurls yet another accusation at Shu, and the shock on his ex-unitmate’s face at the sound doesn’t damper the laughter at all.
Shu has the grace to look bashful, like a young child being scolded after his parents caught him up in a lie rather than having Nazuna teasing him for… Well, stalking him. There’s not really a gentler way to put that, is there? Maybe Nazuna is the one that needs to rethink things, after all his heart fluttering earlier over it.
Rather than tease him more, Nazuna waves him over eagerly. It’s a bit of a gamble. Being alone together, meeting here, so close to when they’d be ‘free.’ In a sense. Yet when Shu finally settles next to him, looking out the window as he had been mere moments earlier, it just feels right.
There’s a pang in his chest now. He has no regrets for the year he’s had. He never will, this he is sure of. But those thoughts of different futures, different pasts, never truly go away. What would it have been like? What if this moment was so heavily laced with such a distinct bittersweetness.
Nazuna looks away, smile dimming slightly as he speaks up again.
“You know, it’s okay if you wanna see me, even now.” There’s less confidence in his voice this time, and he’s sure Shu picks up on it. All he can hope is he takes it for what it is. Not uncertainty with his own conviction, but uncertainty with the other’s. “I want to, too, so… I’ll return the favor, I guess.”
He can feel violet eyes on him, doing their best to puzzle out his words. Shu’s no doubt analyzing every syllable, every angle of his body as he continues to lean against the window, what it all means. If only they both could turn off their brains for more than a couple minutes.
“...You’ve gotten even more bold these past few weeks.” Shu replies stiffly. And so the weird hold the moment had over him shatters. Nazuna smiles wide again, his shoulders lighter as he can feel both the acceptance and the disapproval wrapped up in that sentence.
“So have you, you’d usually stay a lot farther behind from me.” Nazuna snickers as he looks up at his morning companion, no small amount of mischief in his voice.
“You-! …Y-You noticed?!” If Shu was embarrassed before, now he was downright mortified. He gripped the windowsill tightly, as though he was about to faint at the blunt confession that Nazuna made.
“Probably not always, but if I pointed it out too often, you’d stop, right? At least I could be closer to you this way.” Although he really, really would have preferred if he had just walked with him like a normal person. Or, god forbid, talked to him like one.
“I would not force my presence on you. You made your choice, I decided to respect it.” Shu says, though he falters as Nazuna gives him an unimpressed look. Clearing his throat awkwardly, a light pink dusts his cheeks as he continues, “…Eventually.”
“You only respected my choice in a way that made you feel better, Itsuki. I said multiple times I still wanted to be friends, right?” It’s a well worn argument by now. Agreeing to start over, he’s gotten the other to agree too. It felt like a lifetime had passed before the feeling of animosity had finally been buried.
It was sensible. Pragmatic. They were to be something like coworkers as they moved onto the future. Having bad blood would complicate things. Not to mention, somewhere along the way, Valkyrie had managed to become entwined with all of Ra*bits. Nazuna was doomed the very moment the first of them talked about the two with happiness in his voice.
But friends. Surely, at least out of the four of them, Nazuna deserved that title. He shuffled his foot to knock lightly against Shu’s own. The other rolled his eyes as he took his cue to answer.
“Perhaps… But that is not so simple with us, Nito.” Shu sighed, sounding more than a little exasperated. As much as Nazuna felt. Of course it wasn’t. Nothing ever was, nor had been. He purses his lips as he kicks Shu’s foot a bit harder.
“Nothing is simple with us.” Nazuna chastises, shaking his head. “And it’s stupid to think about it too deeply, anyways. Isn’t it better to just do what you want?”
“To do what I want–!” Shu looks at him like he just suggested murder. A look he has earned with that suggestion before, all things considered. But he thinks it's a bit unfair in this particular situation. “Honestly, Nito. Has that not been what you have been telling me not to do for the past year?”
Point taken. Nazuna shrugs. It had been, yes. When what Shu wanted was his own downfall, one in which he wanted to drag down his marionettes with him. Or when he wanted to stifle the light that had just been nurtured back in him by his juniors.
But as hypocritical as it may be, Nazuna is stubborn. And he most certainly will do what he wants. When it comes to Shu, at least. It’s his turn to take, to push, to test his self declared limits.
“That just sounds like you’re being a coward about it.” He bluntly teases. Teases, but truly believes. It’s almost unbelievable this is the same man who made threats so often to him months ago about dragging him back into Valkyrie.
The intimidating and entitled air is almost completely gone. Replaced by an awkward shifting as he tries to avoid Nazuna’s gaze. He looks every bit the young, inexperienced student he is. Flustered when faced with an embarrassing confrontation.
So this is what he has reaped.
“I- I most certainly am not!” Shu protests, though it’s quickly drowned out by Nazuna’s boisterous laughter as the other’s voice visibly cracks with the strain. He doesn’t bother to properly tune into the rest of his words, largely filler grumblings about his lack of manners and the downfall of his grasp of politeness.
Even Shu can’t keep up his complaining for long, and Nazuna turns his head away the moment the other’s gaze turns soft at his laughter instead.
He looks out again at the courtyard before him, the fountain shimmering in the distance, and he can almost feel the refreshing chill of the water that ran through his fingers. Can almost hear the loud chatter in the distance of delinquents, and feel the wind that brushed up against his cheek as he resolutely focused on the ground in front of him.
But he’s not there anymore, and never will be.
Nazuna looks at Shu, one last time as they are. Boldly, he shifts just a bit closer, leaving barely a breath of space between them. Just like he doesn’t regret this past year, he doesn’t regret the steps he’s taking towards the future either. He’s decided to leave unnecessary feelings behind as much as he can, after all. For both of them.
“I’m not giving up, Itsuki.” He smiles at him, both genuine and mischievous. Nazuna finds he quite likes the idea of leaving everything behind if only to continue seeing these new sides of Shu. Getting to find out who he is now, with rough edges sanded during his absence. “You are going to admit we’re friends before this year is over.”
It’s a clear challenge. And he’s learned, in this new tug and pull they’ve begun, challenges are something he relishes. While being at Shu’s side had made him happy for a time, butting their heads together regularly gave him a thrill he never knew he wanted from the other –
Shu stands a little straighter, a glint in his eyes that Nazuna is used to seeing directed towards a difficult project, and hums. “We shall see, Nito.”
– And one he reckons Shu never knew he wanted either.