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“Are you upset with me?”
He really didn’t know what he was expecting when Theta of all people asked him to stay back after the Deca’s meeting, but it wasn’t whatever that question was.
“What?”
“Like, don’t get me wrong I know we jab at each other all the time, but– are you actually upset with me, Vans?”
“I don’t know, am I?”
Theta groaned. “That’s why I’m asking you!”
Silence fell, fast . Vansell took mild pleasure in the fact it seemed to make Theta squirm, but he couldn’t enjoy it as much as he would like. His mind was wired to work fast, to assess and analyze, but his own feelings were a much harder vault to break.
Was he upset?
Theta hadn’t done anything abnormal, so he had no reason to be. Usually that’d be enough for Vansell, he didn’t have a reason to be upset, and didn’t feel like watching Theta hilariously try and fix it for the next week. But the remainder of a ‘conversation’ (read: her saying a bunch of shit to him while he was a captive audience) he had with Ushas rang through his mind.
‘You like the Deca, right?’
He snorted, it was a ridiculous question, and didn’t warrant a response.
‘If you do, and especially if Millennia’s right about you having a crush on some of us–’ Ushas pulled a slight face, getting a smirk from Vansell before he realized what she actually said. He didn’t. ‘–you should probably start showing it. Or at least being more honest with us all. We don’t want to lose you, but you have to meet everyone halfway in this friendship.’
He rolled his eyes when she turned away. Did she know what honesty would mean for him?
After what was far too long a wait for Theta’s patience, Vansell answered properly. “I don’t know, genuinely.”
And now it was Vansell’s turn to stew in unbearable silence, Theta’s eyes scanning over Vansell’s entire being. Was he looking for a lie? Digging into his microscopic mannerisms and fidgets? Analyzing the hesitant waver in his tone, saving it for later? Anything could be blackmail, he reminded himself, straightening his posture and hiding his hands– fingers tapping against each other in the smallest gesture imaginable.
“Well, uh– do you wanna think on it? If you are, I wanna fix it,” Theta gave a nervous smile before continuing. “I mean, you are genuinely cool when we hang out and aren’t mad at each other, you know? I like your company. Plus I don’t think it’s really like- healthy- for us to be feuding all the time- and I know Magnus is argumentative 24/7 but like– that’s Magnus . So, I don’t think he counts– plus I know we’re all fighting all the time but that’s usually more lighthearted and we have our better moments, but I just kinda– I feel like me and you don’t really have a lot of better moments and I really wanna change that because like I said before you’re actually really cool, y’know?”
Vansell took a moment to really process whatever bullshit just came out of Theta’s mouth, but for once- he let the sentiment seep through and process as well.
“I-”
Vansell cut him off before he could start rambling again. “Give me a day, I’ll get back to you.”
Theta nodded, gnawing at his bottom lip. “Okay.”
Vansell started to walk away, assuming they were done, when Theta caught his arm– was it intentional that he grabbed higher than his wrist, avoiding the small bit of revealed skin? “Thanks? I guess? For being honest–”
“Oh,” he blinked, eye contact with Theta somehow sending his hearts into a frenzy. “Sure, whatever.”
“I mean it! You– never, like never , are that honest– I think– it’s really hard to tell, but you just seemed genuine you know?”
Vansell chuckled. “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. For all you know, I was lying.”
Theta shook his head. “No– no, you were being genuine. There was just something about it. I can totally tell anyone who asks you told me to go fuck myself, though.”
“Do what you want, I’ve got to study for Gravitational Induction.” Vansell forced himself to tug his arm out of Theta’s grip, and although a softer movement than normal, Theta let go.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t go full soft on me though, we’ve got Rallon and Mills for that!”
Vansell chuckled. “If I’m ‘going full soft’ on you I’m gonna need you to give me an early regeneration by shooting some sense into me.”
“Noted!”
He left the room with an uncharacteristically soft smile, texting Rallon to ask if he could have the room to himself for a few hours. Very politely, of course.