Chapter Text
The Sun was barely getting in the library, it was still early.
The books on my table were a pile of different colours, so many that they looked like a patchwork one could have extracted from a rainbow. But none had the answers I was looking for.
It had taken me all night to get to the conclusion: my questions could not be answered by the books in the castle’s library. The biggest one in all Narnia, at least according to Lord Protector Miraz.
I sighed as I closed the very last one of the books I had selected. The cover said “History of Narnia”, yet it spoke of nothing but the latest line of rulers. I knew about all this already, what I was looking for was on a whole other matter. Narnia was known for its mysteries, and the disappearance of its kings and queens was the most interesting one.
I felt the weight of exhaustion on my shoulders and decided to lean on the table, my head resting on my arms. I had not slept at all for two entire nights, too obsessed with getting answers to even think about anything else. If Caspian were to find me like this, he would make sure to embarrass me for as long as I lived. But even with the terrible perspective of being made fun of, or the idea that I should go eat something instead of resting for too long, I fell asleep right on the spot.
- Am I supposed to act surprised?
The voice of my teacher was soft, yet he spoke loudly enough so that he knew it would wake me up. I was not startled, for I knew that he would only scold me for not sleeping enough, not for my search for answers.
- Professor. I simply greeted him back while rubbing my eye.
- You do know that finding you in that position could cost you greatly? It is not expected of a Lady to fall asleep alone in a library.
- My title is honorary, it is my cousin who should be cared about this way.
- You know it is not true.
I sighed. We had had this disagreement many times already, ever since I had turned 16, really. Our argument turned mostly around my role as a Lord’s daughter, which I was already taking very seriously.
- You cannot keep this up. Professor Cornelius added, apparently not willing to stop there.
I turned toward my mentor, annoyed.
- You are a man of science just as much as you are a political advisor. I see no reason for me to stop where others will instead of pursuing my studies.
It was his turn to sigh.
- I know what you are looking for, my Lady. Believe me when I say that I have spent all my life looking for the same answers.
I looked away. I knew how it sounded, to be looking for such useless information on old tales. I knew it made me pass for a fool who only wanted to divert herself from the hard truth. But I was not ready to give up just yet.
- You will find what you are looking for. I looked back up at the professor, who was smiling down on me. It was usually like this: we would argue, then he would end up assuring me that I was on the right path. I could never tell if he was being sincere or just wanted me to settle down.
- I hope you are right.
- I know so. Until then…
He started to put the books back together. They had to be put back on their shelves, where nobody other than him and I would ever seek them out again.
- You shall go and get ready. You still have meetings today.
I winced at his reminder, but he was right. I helped him with the books and headed back to my chambers as slowly as I could. I was already tired of the day that was to come.
I could feel my blue gown sliding behind me as I was hurrying to the throne room. My father had made it customary to greet him every morning, and I wanted to get this over with. I was in no mood for curtsey, but I did have a favour to ask.
The throne room was dark, like the rest of the castle. The windows were small and the walls were covered in tapestries that had aged and darkened, leaving nothing of the stories they conveyed. There were many black seats on the sides of the big room, most of them empty. My steps echoed when I hurried in front of one of them. I bowed quickly and, when Lord Protector Miraz ordered it, I stood back up and met his gaze.
My father’s eyes were as black as mine, his long face gave him the smart look he knew he had. His hair was short and as dark as his eyes. I was used to his smug expression, he was not even hiding his mischievous planning anymore. My step-mother was sitting on the chair next to him, where my own mother should have been sitting herself, if it had not been for my own birth that had cost her life.
I was Lord Protector Miraz’s eldest daughter, the Lady Y/n. Had I been born a boy, I would have inherited a better title and a chance at the throne with it. But being a girl implied that I represented a liability, something that could be sold at the first occasion if it meant for my father to gain more power.
- Daughter. My father saluted, his satisfied expression not changing. How have you been?
- The same as always, my Lord.
- Busy in your studies?
I bit the inside of my cheeks. He always asked the same questions, always knowing very well about my answers.
- I am.
- Found anything interesting?
Of course not. Nothing new ever came up in my research, I had understood why a while ago, already. My father had intended for the royal library to be empty of anything on how Narnia used to be. If my teacher had not mentioned it, I would probably never have heard about it. I still could not understand why such important parts of our history were being erased.
- No, I have not.
- Are you pursuing your work, then?
Lord Protector Miraz wanted me to give up, he wanted me to go back to being the perfect little princess, the one I was before professor Cornelius had began his teachings. I did not want to. If he wanted to keep asking the same questions, then I would keep on giving the same answers. I looked straight into his eyes when I responded.
- Yes. I will continue my research until I come up with something new.
He nodded and smiled. His features unbothered by the fierceness I tried to put into my statement, the same every day. I bowed to mark my departure and left the room, ready to start another day where nothing would change except for my growing annoyance. And, of course, I ran into Caspian.
- How are you doing? Professor Cornelius told me he had found you in the library. He added with a little mocking laugh.
- Yes, I was.
Caspian was my cousin. He was 25 when I was only 18. I had always had the feeling that he knew better than me about everything, when he was only seven years older than I was. And, also, he was the heir to the throne. Since he was the next boy in line, the son of Caspian the ninth, and all that.
- Maybe you should listen to Lord Miraz. Maybe there is nothing to be found and the stories you thought were History are just legends.
I looked him up and down, lifting one of my eyebrows in disappointment.
- You believe what he says?
- Sometimes. He admitted. What are you going to do?
We were walking in the corridors, him basically following me. None was lit up, all were as dark as the rest of the castle. I missed the library.
- My father the Lord Protector intends for me to find a husband soon enough. I am going to do just that.
- You are going to look for a husband? He looked confused.
Something I liked about Caspian was how clueless he could sometimes be. It helped with how much I hated him. And it made it easier for me to pretend that I was smarter than he was.
- My step-mother apparently arranged a few meetings for me to attend.
He slowly nodded.
- You should not go if you do not want to.
I was almost surprised that he had managed to read me. It was not so usual for him to actually care about how I felt. It is what I told him.
- I do care! He protested. You are just too angry with your father to notice anything else.
I could not admit that he was right, so I stormed away.