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The rough sands. The waves folded and splashed. The chorus of the birds lined up across the shore. And, the sting of alcohol that is being gulped down in one’s throat. As the sun sets on the horizon, touching the bed of the sea as it quickly goes down, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are situated in a hammock. Their heads are at the far ends as they rest their arms on top of each other’s legs, appreciating their time alone with no other noise but nature and their unlabored breathing.
They aren’t on the beach alone, though. Their friends are still gulping down liters upon liters of alcohol under the hut, very faint noises of cheers can be heard in the distance. A few minutes ago, the two of them were sitting in the circle, enjoying the company of everyone especially the banters of Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang. However, Lan Wangji can’t help but feel exhausted, his social battery quickly draining. So, Lan Wangji excused himself quietly to Wen Qing to catch some fresh air.
He saw the abandoned hammock underneath the blooming hibiscus flowers, shades of red and green dominating the place. As he sat down, he quickly relaxed as he closed his eyes and inhaled the fresh sea breeze. The moment he opened his eyes, he saw a movement in his peripheral view. It was Wei Wuxian.
“Drained?”, Wei Wuxian asked him as he was walking towards him. Lan Wangji can’t help but smile. There was really only one person that didn’t really drain him.
“Mn.”, he inhales deeply, trying to keep himself grounded. Wei Wuxian joins him in the hammock.
After a few minutes of serenity, Wei Wuxian finally talks.
“Lan Zhan, don’t you find it funny?”, Wei Wuxian huffs out a breath, obviously thinking of something amusing.
“What is?”, Lan Wangji replies monotonously.
“The two of us.”, Lan Wangji raises his head slightly, trying to peek at Wei Wuxian’s expression. Wei Wuxian’s eyes are closed, hands resting on top of each other on his stomach.
“Why? What’s funny about the two of us?”, oddly, Lan Wangji says.
“I don’t know. We’re exes. Yet, here we are.”
Lan Wangji can’t help but knit his eyebrows but it’s really nothing out of the ordinary. The two are always comfortable about everything and that includes their past relationship. But, the two of them had built a solid foundation of friendship before anything really happened, so not like other couples who broke up, they maintained their closeness and solidarity.
“Mn. We’re more friends than exes.”, he refutes.
“You’re right. But, you can’t deny, Lan Zhan, that we have this special connection between us.”, Wei Wuxian says, his eyes opened now as he stares at the waves of the ocean.
“Yes, we do.”
“Then, what do we call ourselves? We’re beyond the meaning of friends, but we’re not exactly romantic either anymore.”
“There’s no need to put in labels.”, Lan Wangji reassures. No word fits the description between the two of them. As long as they understand each other, it is already enough. Suddenly, Lan Wangji becomes hyperaware of Wei Wuxian’s lingering touches against his thigh, Wei Wuxian seems to be doing it unconsciously. But, Lan Wangji looks at him closely, observing the way Wei Wuxian bites his lips and his eyebrow flinching.
“What is it?”, Lan Wangji says with a bit of worry.
“Ah… Nothing, Lan Zhan. I just… did you hate me? For what happened in the past?”, he asks.
8 years ago, Wei Wuxian was the first one to confess yet he was also the one who asked for them to break up. Lan Wangji understood why. They were young and naive, not knowing how to love each other correctly, and other circumstances beyond their control. However, it wasn’t just that. Wei Wuxian has a lot of internal issues, whether it was about his fear of committing or his inner battle against depression, it was just too much for him. That’s why he broke it off and Lan Wangji would do anything, even letting Wei Wuxian go, just to make him happy and satisfied.
So, he answers. “Never. I had my faults as well. There’s no reason for us to hate each other.” And, it was true because no cheating or third party was involved. No extreme jealousy was even present when they were still together nor did they end it badly. What Lan Wangji’s fault was, though, was that he loved Wei Wuxian too much.
When they broke up, Lan Wangji would be lying if he said he didn’t feel any amount of pain or disappointment towards Wei Wuxian. He constantly questioned what he did wrong, and blamed himself for not being enough. He questioned how Wei Wuxian could give it all up just like that and was able to move on. He felt betrayed by seeing Wei Wuxian move on and date other people and Lan Wangji is left alone, stuck in place, unable to move forward. But, years of growing and maturing brought Lan Wangji to his senses, that it was an event neither of them had any control over.
“You’re too good, Lan Zhan. I wonder why you haven’t had any relationships after we broke up. You clearly deserve someone better than me.”
“Wei Ying, stop. I’ll decide who’s deserving of me or not. You are special to me so don’t put yourself down like that.”, Lan Wangji argues, leaving Wei Wuxian’s mouth slightly ajar.
Wei Wuxian was silenced and stunned. He nods and gazes his eyes to the sea.
The two continued to stare beyond the darkening landscape as the hammock gently swayed the two of them like the delicate waves of the ocean. Between the two of them, there’s nothing to overthink anymore as silence envelopes understanding, respect, and boundaries they no longer want to cross.
Someday, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian will think back and find the reason for what happened to their relationship. However, there’s nothing that would satisfy the two of them as much as knowing that they’ll be in each other’s lives longer than they both expect.