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He smells fire. He doesn't know where he is or who he is. He sees curly brown hair and yellow stripes. His mind is numb and blurry faces surround his surroundings. His hand reaches out, but its not enough.
His clothes are torn off, he thinks he should be feeling pain from all of the wounds he can see, but he doesn't. He's floating, with a dizzy head and a numb body nothing feels real. He thinks of love, of that he craved so much he couldn't have. He closes his eyes and lets out a ragged breath.
Someone is yelling for his eyes to remain open, calling his name, he doesn't see the face, but recognizes the voice. Oh, his voice. How could he not recognize that voice? It has kept him safe since the moment he escaped Dema, since he left the continent and guided him back. Josh gets closer, louder, he keeps talking, stumbling over his words, voice filled with worry and sadness.
His hand reaches the other man's face almost automatically, as if it had done that act a million times, he wipes the tears streaming down Josh's face. His eyes struggle to keep open, red carnations are starting to grow, typically, it's their season. His body gets weaker, struggles to breathe, but manages to say "hey, I'm fine.", Josh laughs, a sad laugh and now he's weeping even more, his tears providing the red carnations the water and life they needed.
"I'll be okay, Josh." says Clancy.
Josh holds him closer and closer, almost melting together their bodies. As his eyes close the other man's sobs get louder and harsher, he can feel his chest heaving against his weakened body. Josh's hand moves to his head, it caresses his hair, pampering him. It makes him nearly forget the state of his body, pulling him in a sort of trance, a fake heaven. "Please, don't go." whispers Josh against his head pulling him out of his daze. He could feel his hot breath against his sweaty skin as he repeated; "Please."
His eyes open one last time, finally able to see Josh's face, it's wet and covered in dirt and something black, his clothes are torn off too. It doesn’t matter now, not much does. "We've done it, Josh." barely lets out Clancy.
His eyes close with a smile on his lips.
Deep down he knew this was how his life was going to end, even when he didn't accept it, when he was in denial, denial, denial, denial.
He has always been part of a cycle he was never able to break. Now he has, he feels glad and gloomy. The red carnations are blooming now, filling his insides with a love he, now, is able to feel.