Chapter Text
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Searching for Peace, Beyond the Storm
Part I: A Long Journey Ends. A New Journey Begins.
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The Antivan countryside, due west of Antiva City. En route to the Montilyet family villa. Five weeks after the conclusion of the Exalted Council.
The carriage continued its gentle journey onwards, through the tranquil Antivan countryside, pulled by two chestnut-brown Taslin Striders. The journey over the past month, which had started with the departure from Halamshiral in Orlais, to then crossing through Ferelden, before sailing across the Amaranthine Ocean to reach port in Antiva City had quite possibly been the most relaxing time for Inquisitor Ariana Lavellan and her beloved Josephine since they had first met in Haven three years prior. Since thwarting Corypheus' plans two years before, the time since had been spent balancing the management of the Inquisition's immense influence and closing the few errant rifts that had cropped up around Thedas. And now the Exalted Council had concluded, the fate of the Inquisition had been decided. Now Ariana felt there were no forces demanding her to rush, there was no sense of urgency calling her to action. Finally, there was a time for peace.
For the first time in three years, the pressures of leading the Inquisition that Ariana had bore upon her shoulders had all but vanished. It — the Inquisition — was no more. She had made the decision to disband it. Whilst Solas' threat to tear the veil asunder, to restore what he believed to be his ancient Elves, posed a danger to Thedas that exceeded Corypheus' plot, Ariana had felt it was not a threat for the Inquisition to tackle. In her view, the time of the Inquisition had come to an end, it had served its purpose; its original mission had been completed successfully. Now she was Inquisitor in title only — her time as the organisation's leader had ended in the council chamber at Halamshiral a little over a month ago.
As liberating as it had felt for Ariana as Halamshiral had disappeared over the horizon behind her, knowing from that moment onwards that she would only be known as 'Inquisitor' in name only, having the incomparable weight of such a lofty title lifted from her shoulders, she had found that over her and Josephine's journey during the past month, a new pressure had been slowly growing, pushing down upon her. After everything the three years as Inquisitor had pushed upon her, upon Josephine, and upon the whole of Thedas, there was little reason to feel so nervous. But this new pressure wasn't about Thedas, it was about her and Josephine — it was personal. Each day over the past month, as the journey had progressed, mile by mile, at times on foot, at times on horseback, and at times by sea, it had all been leading up to this moment. Finally, after three years, she was to meet Lord and Lady Montilyet — Josephine's parents — for the first time.
"Ariana...?" Jospehine's voice delicately called out.
Ariana remained motionless, slumped against the side of the carriage as she dozed, unroused by the sound of Jospehine's voice. All she let out was a single, drowsy, unintelligible slur.
Josephine reached out, gently taking Ariana's limp hand in her own, shaking it slightly in an attempt to rouse her sleeping partner.
"Ariana...? Darling...?" Josephine called once more, a little louder, yet still maintaining her delicate tone of voice.
"Uggh..." Ariana groaned lethargically as she gradually came to from her slumber, as though she had not rested for a single minute since departing from Halamshiral a month prior.
As Ariana opened her eyes, her vision cleared as it began to re-attune to reality, to the sight of the Antivan countryside outside the carriage; the vibrant vision she had seen of Solas disappearing for the final time, sorrowfully telling her, "I'm sorry..." before walking through the eluvian faded from her mind's eye. It was the same dream — although in truth she felt it was more like a nightmare — that had occasionally plagued her since the conclusion of the Exalted Council. It was always the same vision: Solas revealing his identity as the elven trickster god from an age long past, plainly informing her of his plan to tear down the veil, the surge of unbearable pain from the Anchor, and then Solas willingly removing her lower arm before disappearing through the eluvian. Each time the memory played as she slept, it always felt so real, as though she had been thrown back in time to that moment, and was being forced to relive it. Yet as she awoke and began to feel the new, but now all too familiar dull ache where her left forearm and hand had once been — the Anchor's former location — she felt a modicum of reassurance at the fact that she had not been forced to relive it, it had been nothing more than a bad dream.
She skittishly pulled her hand away from Josephine's, and rubbed her eyes in an attempt to force the lethargy out of her body. It worked, somewhat, and she took a moment to sit and admire the Antivan countryside she realised they were now amongst. Gone was the elaborate architecture, bustling streets of the port district of Antiva City that had surrounded them as their carriage had begun its journey. Now, as far as the eye could see, there were extensive vineyards covering the rolling landscape, as small villas sporadically dotted the landscape in a picturesque scene that was reminiscent of a human children's tale. The sun was high in the sky, there was not a cloud in sight amongst the clear, blue sky; it was a gorgeous day.
With such a stark change in scenery, Ariana assumed she must have been asleep for some time. She didn't recall feeling tired, or even drifting off to sleep as she had admired the elaborate architecture and watched ships arriving and departing, loading and unloading, in the port outside the carriage window. How long had it been, she wondered. She wished she had managed to stay awake to take it all in; Antiva was so different to anywhere else she had seen in Orlais, Ferelden, or the Northern Free Marches with Clan Lavellan. Also gone were the smells of freshly baked produce, livestock being herded around and the distinct saltiness of the sea air, now replaced by a pleasantly fruity scent from the fresh grapes hanging on vines throughout the landscape. Yet even though they had travelled far enough inland that the sea was no longer visible, as the breeze caressed her skin, she could still detect a comforting freshness, reminiscent of the sea-breeze she had smelt in the port district, and felt whilst crossing the Amaranthine Ocean.
Josephine suddenly spoke up, warmly, "Good afternoon, darling."
Ariana turned to face Josephine, who sat wearing an affectionate smile, and felt a sudden dizziness and light-headedness afflicting her, still not having fully woken up. Looking at Josephine, it was impossible to tell that she had been travelling for an entire month with little rest. If there was one thing she had learned about her dear Lady Montilyet over the three years of the Inquisition, it was how adept she was at functioning with little sleep.
"Sorry..." Ariana managed to groan, groggily, "I didn't mean to — what time — I mean... How long was I out for...?" she eventually asked, the words not coming to her mind quite as easily as she would've liked, her thoughts still clouded by the vision of Solas.
"Around three hours," Josephine replied.
"Three hours?" Ariana muttered dryly, sitting herself up. Josephine simply nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't even realise—"
"You needn't apologise," Josephine calmly interrupted. "I thought you needed the rest; you've barely slept this past month.
Ariana almost fell back into her seat and let out an exasperated sigh, feeling unable to sit up straight and face Josephine any longer as her dizziness had yet to subside.
"I guess you're right," she muttered. She felt as though her forehead was on fire, as though she were standing in the midst of a dragon's fiery breath, and could feel as her own breaths were becoming shorter and harder to draw. "Since... since you woke me, I assume we're getting close...?" she panted, trying to shift her focus away from the nightmare of Solas.
"Indeed we are. My family's villa is only—"
Josephine abruptly paused. Her sudden shift of expression from warmth to concern made the intervening silence feel extremely awkward.
"Only what...?" Ariana asked, cautiously, attempting to sit herself up.
"Are you alright, darling?" Josephine hastily asked; there was a heavy note of concern hanging in her voice.
"I'm — I'm fine," said Ariana, forcing a meagre smile in an attempt to assuage Josephine's apparent, and sudden worry. "Why — why do you ask?"
"Look at you," Josephine muttered under her breath, raising a hand to Ariana's forehead. "You're burning up, covered in sweat, you're as pale as a halla..."
"I'm fine," Ariana murmured unconvincingly, feeling as though she was about pass out.
Josephine rapidly picked up her travelling pack and began to frantically root around inside it. "I've got an elfroot tonic somewhere in here if you—"
"I'm fine, Josie. Honestly," Ariana stressed. Josephine slowly looked up towards Ariana and cautiously lowered her travelling pack back onto the carriage floor. "It was just... I had a bad dream."
"Another?" Josephine immediately replied, sympathetically sidling ever so slightly closer to Ariana. "You said the same the other morning, on the boat, as we entered the Rialto Bay..."
"Yeah... I know," Ariana said under her breath. "I'll be alright in a minute, I just need to drink some water—"
As soon as she had uttered a mention of 'water', Josephine had already thrust a leather drinking canteen into her hand.
Ariana flashed an appreciative smile. "Thanks," she said, before taking a swig from the flask, all the while Josephine eyes carefully watched her, as though she were a healer looking after a critically ill patient.
Gulping down a generous helping of the water seemed to help somewhat, she could feel her light-headedness beginning to subside, and her thoughts becoming her own once more. Ariana set the flask aside and leaned towards the open window of the carriage door and took a moment to feel the cool, refreshing breeze against her face, to take in the smells of the Antivan countryside and to listen to the sounds of distant birds — some of which she had never heard before — and the plodding clops of the horses' hooves and the carriage rolling over the cobbled track beneath them.
It was so... peaceful, she thought. It was surreal to finally have peace after three years; Ariana was almost convinced it couldn't have been real. For the first year of the Inquisition, stopping Corypheus had been the focus. For the two years that followed, as the days had merged into weeks, which had merged into months, managing the Inquisition's influence and travelling around Thedas to close errant rifts and slay the demons that had poured from within had been her single mission. And then just a month prior, she had thought the Anchor was going to kill her. And through it all, the Inquisition had been there, by her side, from the greenest of recruits from small villages in Ferelden and Orlais, to some of the finest, most skilled people Ariana felt she would ever work beside, from Cassandra to Leliana, to Cullen, Dorian or Varric, and most dearest to her, Josephine.
Even after just a month, she greatly missed those who she had bid goodbye to at the Exalted Council, wondering if she would ever stand upon their like again. She hoped so, intently.
Yet here Ariana now was, in an extravagant carriage being pulled through the Antivan countryside, her darling Josephine by her side, hundreds of miles from Skyhold, and from all of those who had stood with her — and by the Inquisition — over the years. The world of the Inquisition seemed so far away. The world that existed no more, after her solemn decree, "Effective immediately, the Inquisition is disbanded," had echoed through the council chamber at Halamshiral. But despite that, she could not shake the knowledge that Solas was still out there, somewhere. Despite the peace that had been afforded her now, the world itself and the oncoming dangers, like a raging tempest, were not going to stop.
As beautiful as the scenery outside the carriage window was, she still couldn't shake a certain thought. Whilst in her dreams she was plagued by her final moment with Solas, as she woke, she found herself consumed by a single question, a question she had asked herself over and over in her mind since leaving the Winter Palace, and Halamshiral: had disbanding the Inquisition been the right decision?
"Is there something on your mind...?" Josephine asked gently, reaching out to place a caring hand on her thigh. "You've barely said more than three words since we sailed out of Denerim six days ago."
Ariana turned around to face Josephine, who was watching her attentively, anxiously awaiting whatever she was going to say. If there was one characteristic Ariana adored about Josephine, it was her saint-like patience and her kind-heartedness. Despite the difficulty of her line of work, despite the fact she had spent her time as the Inquisition's ambassador working with some of the most arrogant, ill-mannered nobles that could be found anywhere in Thedas, she still had within her the innate ability and the capacity to care for others.
The question aroused a sense of confliction in Ariana. A part of her didn't want to mention her ambivalence surrounding her decision to disband the Inquisition. The decision had been hers alone, there was nothing that could reverse that now.
'I can tell her I'm fine... she doesn't need to worry...' she thought to herself.
Yet another part of her realised that sitting next to her was the single person who had been her most trusted confidant, and her closes friend, through all the trials that they had each faced over the previous three years; if something was troubling her, she knew Josephine, of all people, would want to hear it. Ariana remembered the time, not long after reaching Skyhold, when she had received the news that Clan Lavellan had been wiped out near Wycome. The only family she had ever known was gone, but of all the people in Skyhold, Josephine had been the one who had supported her, who had listened to her, and had been the metaphorical shoulder to cry on when Ariana had needed it the most. Josephine had been the one who had seen Ariana at her lowest points over the three years, and she had always been the one who had supported her.
She loved Josephine, with all her heart. She trusted no one as deeply as her. Whilst the decision to disband the Inquisition had entirely been her own, and something she had grappled with in the isolated labyrinth of her own mind for the better part of a month, maybe it wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion? She knew if there was anyone's input she wanted above all on the matter, it was Josephine, keenly waiting for whatever she had to say, sitting loyally by her side, as she had done every day for three years.
"Did... did I do the right thing...?" Ariana asked unsurely.
"What do you mean?" Josephine said softly, her eyes searching Ariana's face for the meaning behind the question. "I — I'm sorry, I don't follow."
"The Inquisition..." Ariana muttered with a vacant stare.
"The Inquisition...?" Josephine repeated blankly. "What of it?"
"Disbanding it," Ariana hastily replied. "Was it... the right decision? Was it the right thing to do?"
"I — that's certainly a difficult question to answer," Josephine stuttered. She looked surprised to have been asked, and didn't quite know where to look; rarely was she at such a loss for words.
"Yeah — I know..." Ariana scoffed as her eyes moved down, towards the floor.
There was a brief pause. Ariana could feel as Josephine's hand began to gently stroke her thigh whilst she assumed she was formulating an answer. It was a comforting feeling.
"You have been thinking over this question a lot, haven't you?" Josephine soon deduced, proving her usual adroit sense of perspicacity for discovering the meaning behind spoken words.
She was always a master at reading other people, Ariana thought to herself; a true expert of the Grand Orlesian Game.
"Since the day we left the Winter Palace," Ariana uttered.
"Is this why you've been so quiet?"
Ariana offered a despondent nod, even though her eyes were on the floor. "Solas... Fen'Harel — whatever name he goes by — is out there... somewhere." She turned to look out the window at the distant horizon beyond the vineyards, briefly wondering where he was at that moment. "The Inquisition... we were a large enough force, we could've done something... and I threw it all away..."
Ariana's voice trailed off. She was aware of the dangers of keeping the Inquisition together, especially after becoming aware that it had been infiltrated. Yet she couldn't help but thinking she had been too quick to act in disbanding it. Perhaps there might have been a way to root out those who were loyal to the Dread Wolf? Perhaps, even though its original mission was completed — and successful — Thedas still needed a force like the Inquisition. She questioned whether countries like Orlais, Ferelden, or even Tevinter, could be trusted to work together against such a threat.
Josephine moved her hand away from Ariana's thigh to take her hand softly into her own. As she felt the warmth of Josephine's skin on her own, she felt compelled to turn away from the window, and back towards Josephine. As she turned, she realised a sudden fervency to Josephine's gaze. Despite the fact that a moment prior, the question had left seemingly speechless, there was now a burning passion behind her unmoving stare, at whatever it was she was about to say, and not a single trace of doubt behind her tender, dark-amber eyes.
Even though Josephine had yet to give an answer, Ariana felt all her concerns over the Inquisition's fate of disbandment suddenly lifted from her mind for a moment as she became briefly lost in her lover's eyes. Whilst Josephine sat wearing a rugged set of brown leather travelling garb — as she had done for the past month — and her long, dark hair was tied loosely behind her, not particularly styled in any particular way, devoid of the braids and tidy bun she had favoured wearing in Skyhold, it struck Ariana how she looked the complete opposite to the ambassador she had first met in Haven; the ambassador in the elegant, ruffled dress, with not a single strand of hair out of place, or as much as a blemish on her skin. Yet here she was, in rough clothes, with messy hair, and the odd cut or bruise marking her skin from the month of rigorous travel. But to Ariana, none of that mattered. She was still as beautiful as the day that she had first been introduced to the exotic ambassador hailing from Antiva, in the chilly chantry in Haven.
"I want to make one thing perfectly clear to you, Ariana Lavellan," Josephine began fervently, her eyes locked with Ariana's, "you did not 'throw it away'. That would imply some indifference to our former cause, which I know you do not hold."
Ariana's eyes slowly drifted away from Josephine's as she half-uttered, "I don't even know how I feel about it right now myself, if I'm honest..."
"You were faced with making a decision great importance and difficulty," Josephine continued, impassioned, tightening her grip ever so slightly on Ariana's hand, "one that will have implications for years to come. There are few across Thedas — both alive and of those who have passed — who will be able to grasp the magnitude of your decision, or the weight of the position you held."
Ariana started to speak, unsure at her own words, "But at a time like this? Solas is still—"
"I wasn't finished," Josephine sternly interrupted, immediately drawing Ariana's gaze once more. She continued, softly, "As the Inquisition's ambassador, I saw first-hand how tense relations were becoming. With Ferelden on one side, and Orlais on the other, there was little chance of maintaining the Inquisition's presence and achieving a resolution that would appease both parties, politically speaking of course — both for the Inquisition itself, and for you as our Inquisitor. In all likelihood, the danger to your own life would have increased. So, as your ambassador, I solemnly believe disbanding was the right decision," she concluded sincerely.
Ariana sighed, "As the Inquisition's ambassador... right," she muttered derisively.
"But as your friend," Josephine spoke up, "as someone who cares for you, as someone who loves you" — she moved a hand to cradle Ariana's cheek — "I still believe, even more passionately, that you made the right choice, Ariana," she whispered.
Ariana felt she had been rendered temporarily speechless as she saw Josephine's eyes staring so ardently towards her. No words came to her mind to express how much hearing Josephine say such a statement meant to her. For the past month, she had deliberated her decision endlessly, doubted herself, changed her mind over and over, and now to hear that the sole person in Thedas whose opinion she valued above all others supported the decision she had made to disband the Inquisition was like a storm within her mind had been cleared. All she could offer to Josephine was a warm smile in return as she leant into her hand.
"I have seen the toll the position had on you over the past three years, darling — more than anyone else, if I may be as so bold to say," Josephine continued.
"I — I think that's fair to say," Ariana said.
"I know," Josephine said softly. "I saw you limping as you returned to Skyhold, covered in cuts, bruises and burns, then refusing to see the healer or even rest because you wanted to resume your duties. I saw you in the war room, or in your quarters, on those days you had clearly not slept the night before because you refused to take the time for yourself when it was necessary," she said with a tone of voice that signalled a great concern for Ariana's well-being, yet also sheer relief that she was ok.
"You knew...?" Ariana asked.
"Of course! Despite how much you tried to hide it, I noticed. Why do you think I was so ardent at times in suggesting you get some rest?" Josephine asked. "Because I was worried about you!" she answered before Ariana had the opportunity to open her mouth. "You sometimes put Leliana's stubbornness to shame, you know," she muttered under her breath, partnered with a cute laugh she couldn't suppress.
"I couldn't just... stop working," Ariana admitted, almost ashamed to be saying so, knowing how much toil it caused her. "There was no way I could set my duties aside to regularly take time for myself, not whilst you, or Cullen, or Leliana, Lace — or anyone either at Skyhold or in the field — were working night and day to support the Inquisition."
"Yet even we knew to take time for ourselves, when it was necessary," Josephine emphasised, yet still maintaining a caring tone.
Ariana appreciated how someone of Josephine's intelligence always managed to avoid coming off as patronising whenever she spoke. Her words came from a place of great care.
"Although it did mean our esteemed commander occasionally attended our briefings smelling strongly of some form of manure," Josephine muttered, shuddering at the memory of the foul stench.
Ariana smiled to herself as she recalled an occasion on which Commander Cullen had entered the war room with dried remnants of manure dying strands of his golden hair a muddy — and rather pungent — brown. Yet humorously, neither Leliana or Josephine had sought to inform the commander of the substance that he was completely unaware he was covered in, until the end of the meeting where they had both decided to pass a playful comment each at his expense.
"I saw how the lack of rest affected you, darling," Josephine continued, affectionately. "Especially so on those rare evenings you would allow for us to walk through the herb garden, or sit on the battlements, just staring out at the snow-covered tops of the Frostback mountains, with star-filled skies above us... barely saying a word to one another," she whispered fondly.
"I always treasured those moments, Josephine. Truly," Ariana said.
"And I know every time we shared those fleeting moments together, as you stared up at the stars, your thoughts were of your duty, of your next expedition, or of the families who you had personally signed letters to regarding the injury or passing of a loved one who had served in the Inquisition," Josephine said, her voice trailing off, yet brimming with admiration.
"It — it was my duty to sign those letters," Ariana uttered, barely louder than a whisper. "I had to do it."
"You didn't have to; it was my job as ambassador to notify families on the change of condition of a loved one... but you did it anyway." A proud smile began to grow on Josephine's face. "As hard as you were on yourself, the Inquisition succeeded in its mission because of you, Ariana, my love. Corypheus is no more; the original goal of the Inquisition was achieved."
Ariana sighed, "It's not been an easy three years, has it?"
"And you realising that — and how much work you put into the Inquisition to achieve its goals — is one of the reasons why I firmly believe you made the right decision," Josephine asserted with a steadfast warmth. "Do you remember the night we shared on your balcony after your returned from your expedition to the Frostback Basin...?" she asked expectantly.
"I... Not really, no," Ariana admitted, sheepishly. "That entire expedition... it's almost a blur to me."
Josephine chuckled warmly as her entire face lit up, "I'd never heard you speak at such length about an expedition before. I have shared dining tables with Orlesian nobles who wished they could orate so eloquently."
"Well, it — it wasn't quite like any other place we'd seen," Ariana muttered to herself. She saw a brief flash in her mind of the last moments of Inquisitor Ameridan's life, his body fading away as his words, 'I am honoured to have met you,' echoed ethereally.
"It was not because of the landscape, no? But because of Inquisitor Ameridan," Josephine deduced wisely. "I still remember the wonder behind your eyes as you spoke of him."
"I just wish we could've had... more time," Ariana said with a tone of bitter disappointment. "To realise he was... like me — an elf and a mage — I just... he was a good man."
"I think meeting him affected you — and your decision to disband the Inquisition — more than you may realise," Josephine hinted, as though she could read Ariana as easily as any noble she frequently dealt with. "From what you had told me of your meeting, he had been wise enough to realise when the time of his Inquisition was over, and to relinquish his position — as you were also wise enough to see."
"It hasn't quite felt like that over the past month," Ariana said.
"In that case, let me finish by repeating how I first answered your question: disbanding was the right decision. I have no qualms in repeating it, nor any doubts to its truth," Josephine noted with a welcome air of finality. "After what you have achieved, after how hard you have worked, after how hard you have fought and pushed yourself for the success of the Inquisition, much like Inquisitor Ameridan, you have earned and deserve the rest that you are now afforded, my love."