Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Being alone and being lonely are two different things.

Today Rui was on the rooftop alone, sitting through the fifth period of the day. No one had even tried to come up to the roof and Mizuki was absent today. It was just Rui, the robot being worked on, and the thoughts that were persistent.

It’s windy but Rui doesn’t have a cardigan. The goosebumps on Rui’s skin are second nature now and all there was to be done is to bring both of the uniform's cuffed sleeves down.

Rui groans.

To say that Rui didn’t feel like himself would be wrong.

To say that Rui didn’t feel like herself would be much better. Her mental state wasn’t the best but she felt more comfortable being referred to as a girl.

It sounded simple but it truly wasn’t, the internal conflict she faced just felt silly to her despite the times she had spent tossing and turning in her bed. The curtains drawn shut to block out the sun and her body unbelievably sore as her thoughts weighed heavy.

Why in her mind did she believe she was a girl but could never truly become one?

She was dissatisfied, she hated it. From her lanky build, to her neck, to her lack of chest, she just wanted them all gone or changed.

Before her mind takes a deep dive into things she didn’t want to think about the bell goes off and Rui sighs, hearing everyone eagerly rush out of the building. She stays and leans on the chained fence. She doesn’t want to run into anyone so she waits, she doesn’t have any desire to see any of her classmates.

She busies her waiting time by packing up her tools and robot scraps, her current project remains unfinished so she places that at the top of her bag before zipping it shut.

When she stands the tie she wears tightens uncomfortably around her collar so she loosens it and takes it off. She doesn’t even know why she was wearing the uniform semi-properly.

She wonders what it was like to wear the girl’s uniform. She didn’t even bother to wear the blazer with her current one.

After checking she had everything she made her way down the stairs, not bothering to lock the door. It wasn’t her job to do so and hey if she didn’t need to whip her rooftop key that she definitely shouldn’t have, it was a small victory.

Her hair swept in front of her eyes, blowing air she huffs as the strands block her view. She doesn’t care until she bumps into someone in front of her. Rui finds herself scoffing at the reaction the girl lets out as she rejoins the group she was talking with “Hey watch it!”.

Rui pays her no mind as she tries to walk past but one of the boys in the group notices who she is “Ah Kamishiro, care to join our conversation?”. Another one joins in “Yeah I bet you'd have some really interesting things to say”.

Their mocking is pretty prevalent. She knows that there is no sincerity behind their words, they hadn’t been talking about anything relevant to her until she accidentally bumped into one of them.

“I don’t really care, your conversation doesn’t concern me. If you all are enjoying yourselves then that’s good” and she walks before they can respond. This interaction wasn’t uncommon and she had quite a few rumors about her. The thing was this specific group talked about her only when she was in the area, they didn’t think about her otherwise so she knew it was a deliberate move to piss her off.

“Have you heard about Kamishiro recently? His inventions are getting more and more reckless”.

“I heard that he is dangerous, he switched middle schools. Do you think he was expelled?”.

“I mean just look at him, he’s a freak”.

She sometimes wondered what it would be like if she was out publicly, would the meaningless talk behind her back sound better if they used her correct pronouns? That was just downright depressing but she didn’t really care most of the time what they’d say.

She wasn’t being brutally bullied, unless someone assumed that social exclusion was brutal. No one had ever put their hands on her but no one ever reached out to her for a conversation.

She was outcasted, no one listened to her unless they were in a project and decided to dump everything on her. Not that anyone wanted to work with her in the first place, she wasn’t scared of them but they were of her.

She doesn’t ponder on it as she catches the train, she merely thinks about her next performance.

There is no pep in her step as she goes to her usual spot but it still was something she was happy about, nothing else was relevant when she performed except for the act itself and the smiles she could bring.

She lets out a small smile of her own as she reaches into her bag.

Her robot isn’t finished so she moves on to another act she has prepared. She starts laying out a few props on a mat, nothing she’ll use at the moment but it helps draw a crowd. One or two kids have already gotten curious, tugging on their parent’s hand to stop

She makes eye contact with one of them but essentially asks a question to anyone who hears her “Do you like juggling?”.

The little boy closest to her nods and she smiles “Alright then I’ll start with something simple”. She grabs her juggling balls first.

She easily falls into a routine, starting off with simple juggling to windmill. She switches directions as she does so, every throw achieves the effect of a smooth circling pattern. She never does one trick for too long, she knows how small an audience’s attention span for a street performer can be.

When she senses the interest dying down she switches to the clubs she has on the mat, the handles an assortment of bright colors. She starts the manipulation with a form of contact juggling, she swings two of them around her arms and legs.

She switches from two clubs to one, doing simple back crosses to raise the anticipation of what is to come. As she prepares a third one she makes eye contact with a girl in the crowd, one around the same age as her, one she had seen frequenting her performances.

She gulps as she begins to juggle two of the clubs in one hand and the third begins to swing in an outer circle.

The girl stands out and not just because of the bouquet of pink chrysanthemums in her arms. Her hair was blonde that faded into a peachy pink with a pure white bow behind her that was large enough to be seen from the front. Her amber eyes shone with curiosity at her performance, like they always have been. She wore a typical sailor uniform, the sleeve length and fabric adjusted accordingly for the winter season.

She thinks that despite not knowing her name that she has grown fond of her. Yet she almost felt something akin to envy because of how pretty she looked, she wanted to look like her but she also didn’t want this stranger to take her eyes off her.

Despite the fact she was zoning out she finished the tricks, setting the clubs down before picking up the last item on her mat, letting the cloth rest on her bare hand.

She reassumes eye contact with the blonde-haired girl before dramatically lifting the cloth, a handful of confetti following from seemingly out of nowhere “Thank you for your attention!”.

The girl stares in awe and for once Rui doesn’t feel like shying away completely.

The small crowd around her erupts in applause and smiles, she did something good today, especially for the stranger. She sees her smiling and clapping her hands to the best of her ability, mindful of the bouquet she had. Before the stranger seemed somewhat gloomy even if her expression and eyes had said otherwise.

The two kids she had seen first bring her out of her staring as they begin to bombard her with questions. She answers them somewhat awkwardly, still unused to this type of more positive attention, until their respective parents drag them away.

By the time she looked up again the girl was gone and so was most the crowd but that wasn’t the point. Her once stage was now just a path again, she sighs to herself and packs up her kit.

Rui is glad that today she had an audience because she knows there is no guarantee that people won’t mock or ridicule her or that something will go wrong. No guarantee that students from her school wouldn't harass her if they saw her performing or shame her for her interests publicly.

As she walks home she wonders if she should invite Mizuki to her next gig and inturn wonders if they’d even accept meeting with her outside of school. It wasn’t like inviting someone to performances like hers was uncommon, on the contrary, she’d seen the kids tug their parents closer and even seen the blonde girl bring along one of her friends, a girl with dual blue hair, when noticing that Rui was performing in the area. They both looked like they were having fun, Rui wanted to experience that too. She couldn’t because now she had to open the door to a silent house.

Her parents worked more often these days, she could sustain herself so she could be left alone. Sometimes she wishes her parents were home more often but she knows that they were just chasing their passions.

She just ignores the persistence of the feeling, walking through her routine. The only deviation is dealing with the dull ache in her arms, an impulsive act she had done the week prior that left her with nothing but guilt. And the fact she tries to take care of herself today, which involves her bathroom.

She avoids the mirror, instead she closes her eyes. Why would she look and see a body that didn’t reflect her true self, with a gender she didn’t identify with. She refuses to acknowledge her body lest she starts finding more flaws with the other parts, more problems aren’t what she needs.

It can be summed up with the word “ugly” or “freak”. She heard them sometimes but it wasn’t even in the context of her measly attempt to start transitioning, no, it was because she was different in the eyes of her peers

"..."

Maybe she needed to put herself out there, she could perform sometime soon. Perhaps with the new robot she had been working on.

Would putting herself out there mean she could make friends? Could she break free from the stigmatization of being an outcast?

She’ll just lie in her bed for now.

-----------------------------------------

Rui breaks the rules the day she decides to perform again, as if skipping school would even count as a serious offense. Recently she hadn’t even been going to class, she had just been going to the rooftop. Sometimes alone, sometimes with the fleeting company of someone temporary.

She knew the content, she was fine for her exams, so she just didn’t have to care. She can’t help but wonder why she went to school, including today. The security guard didn’t even look up at Rui as she leaves through the front gate. 

She headed home early. She actually felt excitement for once, she had finished her new robot and it functioned perfectly, the weather was good, and she didn’t feel majorly depressed today. 

The robot stands proud and Rui feels satisfaction. It was a silly chicken robot, she wanted it to expel fire from its beak but she couldn’t guarantee a safe use. She made adjustments however and now she can show it off in a performance.

But that isn’t the only reason she feels excitement, she was really following through with putting herself out there. Rui stands in front of her mirror wearing a skirt she had bought long ago, too scared to put it on till now. It reached to her calves and she had some tights under it.

It was risky, it left her wondering if she followed those tutorials on how to pass better correctly, but it was worth it.

Today when she looked in the mirror she saw a girl, she saw someone closer to herself. The skirt complimented her and her hair, oh gosh her hair, it worked together. She had been growing out her hair, it nearly reached her shoulders and helped frame her face more.

Rui knew that she shouldn’t only be focusing on this feeling but it felt so euphoric, so right.

And she was going out like this, skirt and all, her cardigan paired along with it. Briefly, she wonders if the stranger girl will see her today, if she’d think she was pretty.

Rui shakes her head before taking the first step outside, the streets practically empty. It allows her to slowly build confidence, she wants to dress more like herself, she wants to be used to doing so in public. Now she can make her way to one of her performing spots.

The only notable thing that happened on her way was a person who had bumped into her. They stood out by their choppy ginger hair and messily put-together gakuran, maybe they were running late? She couldn’t help but be intrigued, somehow the ginger person reminded her of herself but she couldn’t exactly tell why.

Maybe she’d find out in the future, maybe she wouldn’t ever run into them again. Regardless she finally reaches the park where her spot was, this one being closer to infrastructures like the hospital and the start of scramble crossing.

The park was pretty devoid of people but Rui felt like that was a given considering the fact she got here roughly an hour after school ended. People were still at their jobs and students actually had groups to hang out with or after-school activities to participate in. Her scan of the park results in the conclusion that her audience will not be as big today, but even if no one showed up the show must go on.

She starts, completely improvising a silly story involving her robot to a crowd of no one but that doesn’t matter. Small steps, whether physical or mental. She wasn’t changing anything to what she was doing before, she was just wearing a different item of clothing.

Rui was still Rui, she wasn’t a different person she was just being comfortable. Performing was separate from her identity, gender had nothing to do with making people smile.

All this in the back of her mind, just from wearing a skirt, just by having her hair grown out. Her robot twirls around alongside her narration, going on a wild adventure.

And then she hears a gasp, bringing her out of her thoughts. Her golden gaze clashes with amber. The girl had become the lone audience member. She watches her sit on one of the benches in the area and observe the performance. The chances of anyone showing today were low and it was near impossible that such a specific person would be at the same location as her.

Rui couldn’t help but be intrigued and a little flattered that she had stopped on her way to whether she was going to. From the looks of it, it seemed that she was coming from the direction the hospital was in, had she gone directly there the moment her school had ended? She was still dressed in her uniform but today her hair was different from its usual style.

The girl watches in awe, in enjoyment.

Finally, the story comes to a conclusion with her chicken robot doing a poor imitation of a bow, at the very least it hadn’t exploded so Rui counted it as a win.

At the end the girl erupts in enthusiastic applause, bouncing her way over to Rui. Rui nearly backs away, slightly scared because this was the first time she had been approached by her. The girl’s voice is loud as she speaks “What a splendid performance! It’s on par with your others, although I have to ask you if you make these marvelous inventions you use to perform with”.

Rui, despite getting no condescending vibe from her, responds with “Who wants to know?”.

The girl, instead of getting put off, gets uncharacteristically shy for a moment at Rui’s question “I do !... Wait ah yes how rude of a star to not introduce herself~”.

She begins to pose, hands on her hips “Tenma, written as soaring pegasus! Tsukasa, written as ruler of the world! The dazzling future star, Tenma Tsukasa!”.

The girl, who she now knew as Tenma, points one of her fingers to the sky “Fairytales, swords, and sorcery, science fiction... Each show I present will take you on an epic adventure through an entirely different world! It’s fantastical! Just leave it to me!”.

She notes that Tenma must like shows too and she feels entranced by her “Fantastical you say?”. Tenma nods fast “Indeed I am a future star actor after all!”.

Rui truly doesn’t know what to say after that, hands having nearly dropped the chicken robot at the sheer volume Tenma exhibits. But for once she doesn’t find such a thing annoying.

She smiles triumphantly “Hehe, do you like my introduction? My brother helped me put it together. Now may I know your name?”.

“Kamishiro Rui” Rui replies, stretching her now free hand out which Tenma immediately shakes it “Kamishiro! Nice to meet a fellow showgirl!”.

Rui feels her hand go limp “Showgirl…?”.

“Sorry did I assume wrong? You are a girl, right?” Tenma looks confused “It’s just I’ve never seen you wear a tie or a ribbon with your uniform so I don’t know exactly but your appearance…”.

Rui cuts her off, heart beating fast “No no you’re right..!”.

This girl, the girl who was a regular member of her audience, a girl that had approached her with enthusiasm about shows.

A person who referred to her as what felt right, what she wanted to be. The only people in her life who had done so before were her parents and Mizuki, the only people she was out to. Her heartbeat was pounding in her chest,

“Regardless your shows and acts have captivated me, I’d really like to be friends with you! Even better I’d love to perform with you!” she tightens the hold of their linked hands “What do you say? From one show lover to the other, I’ll prove my acting skills with 12,000% precision and skill!”.

Rui blankly stares for a moment, how could she trust that Tenma was being genuine? How could she hear her say she’d like to perform with her and not have doubts about it? Would Tenma really stay friends with her when so many others before her didn’t even dare speak to her.

Deep down she really wants to give in and scream yes. But she can’t seem over eager right now, least she scare Tenma away.

“What if I am cursed? What if there is a reason no one has wanted to perform with me before?” she asks, not really sure what she was getting at but Tenma only smiles in response “I don’t think I’d mind if you were cursed, no need to be so edgy! Someone whose cursed wouldn’t make adorable creations for their shows”.

Rui finds herself smiling back before responding to the questions Tenma so eagerly asks. 

“How did you come up with this robot idea, the design seems so stylized up close!”.

“What happened to those smaller robots from that one past performance, the ones that created the banner?”.

“Oh speaking of other performances, did you teach yourself those juggling tricks?”,

“Are you actually looking for a performing partner? Ever thought about duo shows? I meant what I said earlier”.

The conversation eventually delves into other show-related topics, so much so that the sun begins to set when Tenma notices.

She sadly looks at her phone “It’s going to get dark soon and I am positive you don’t want to be kept out longer than you have to Kamishiro!”. Tenma waves to her before turning around, presumably going back to her place without even letting Rui say goodbye back.

But Rui finds herself not wanting to stop talking, she can’t bear seeing Tenma walk away and her voice takes action before she can even think. “Tenma-chan, are you busy?” she asks, causing Tenma to turn back around “No I’m not, why do you ask?”.

Rui hopes her gut instinct to trust Tenma’s intentions won’t come back later to bite her.

“Would you like to accompany me to the convenience store? I could buy some ramune candy for us to share” she lamely asks, unsure of what exactly to say to keep her company for longer.

Tenma thankfully ignores whatever awkwardness she exhibits “I’d love to, as long as you answer more of my questions!”.

Rui happily agrees, packing up her set up, and then beginning to walk with Tenma.

It’s only silent for about a minute.

“I didn’t think you wanted to be friends with me to be honest, I am glad you asked me to hang out!” Tenma starts making small talk as Rui guides them to the nearest store.

“That’s funny I felt as if you wouldn’t want to talk to me either” she mumbles back and Tenma takes exaggerated offense “For shame Kamishiro! I rarely see anyone interested in shows and you perform these amazing guerilla gigs, no one wants to talk to me about theatre and yet here you are granting me the chance to”.

“Fufu then I suppose I should feel honored” she says holding open the door to the store. Tenma laughs “Of course! Being held in high regard by the one and only Tenma Tsukasa is a great honor!”.

And thus the two start up a conversation after Rui buys them the candy. It’s a nice change of pace for her.

When Rui talks she doesn’t like her voice, it sounded wonky and involuntary changed tone, it wasn’t feminine. But Tenma never says anything about it, what was even more surprising was the fact she seemed interested in Rui’s ideas.

There was no unsolicited criticism, only genuine laughs shared between the two as they munched on the ramune candy Rui had bought for them.

By the end of it, Rui offers to walk her home and Tenma accepts it. She briefly wonders why Tenma was being so friendly with her but she decides not to question it.

Maybe she could get a chance to know someone as herself.

When she says goodbye Tenma stops her midway through “Call me Tsukasa! We are in the same school year after all!”.

Rui feels warmer “Goodbye Tsukasa-chan…”.

Tsukasa’s smile shines even in the dim light as she waves goodbye  “See you soon Rui!”.

Chapter Text

Rui spends a lot of time on the rooftops but she isn’t alone this time. Additionally, she didn’t feel as lonely as before. Not that she thought being lonely was necessarily bad in the first place, it all depends on a person’s perspective.

She glances to her side, Mizuki was there idly scrolling through their phone. Or at least that’s what she assumed, they could be texting.

She looks back ahead, observing the courtyard full of complaining students doing PE. It’s moments like these she finds herself reflecting. Lots of small changes were happening in Rui’s life recently, all for the better she believed. 

She looked at her lap, for starters she could feel her bangs getting longer , her hair now being off her shoulders with the back slightly tied up. She was still wearing the dreaded uniform but she no longer felt like screaming when she put it on. Even better she had started doing other things to pass, in private obviously not at school. Her wardrobe was a minor part, which she had two people to thank for, but she had also started training her voice using focused exercises. Building up to use resonance, her voice sounded nice to her.

Back to what she said about feeling less lonely, that was a bigger change. Mizuki was a friend in solitude, it could only last so long and they both knew it, but Tsukasa was different. That girl had barged into her life, standing her ground and keeping contact. She still remembers that time, they had been meeting after Rui’s performance again when she had shyly asked for Rui’s number.

“I feel sad when we can’t talk for longer, so since we don’t go to the same school this seems like the next best solution!” .

And Tsukasa was the type of person to text a lot, Rui couldn’t help but find it annoying at times, it was in her nature to do so, but it wasn’t so irritating. Rui did the same, sending extremely long text messages in return. Maybe Rui would never stop being hypocritical, she just needed to keep it to herself.

She was graduating soon so maybe this was justified, this feeling of change which she was fearful of. She thinks she hides it well most of the time.

But now she had something to look forward to, being a part of the Pegasus Performers made her want to come out of her shell, no matter how corny the name seemed. Tsukasa made her feel less lonely because she didn’t know much of her past, didn’t know about the false rumors speculating about her.

Tsukasa trusted Rui and her ideas, she was friends with her, show partners with her, Rui couldn’t think of anything better. Even if she was slightly apprehensive, she just wasn’t used to anyone wanting to stay friends with her.

“Rui” Mizuki says, snapping her out of her thought process “The bell is going off, don’t you want to pack up the few scraps you bought today? I hear the hall monitors are getting more serious because it’s the end of the school year”.

“Fufu, do you think I’d get caught by some nobody?” she asks which gets a laugh out of them “I think it’d be funny if you get detention yet again~”.

She enjoyed Mizuki’s company even though they made remarks that seemed like they hoped for her downfall. Rui continues to make conversation “I see you keep smiling at your phone these past few days, care to tell me about it?”.

Mizuki grows bashful, almost like they are still reluctant to tell Rui stuff about their life, “It’s just a chatroom I created, at the moment me and a few other people are just talking about our hobbies. Gaming, idols, baking apple pies… stuff like that…”.

Rui nods along as Mizuki speaks, by listening she realizes that there wasn’t any talk about what would happen when Rui graduates but as she watches Mizuki talk more animatedly about her new chatroom she has hope that they’ll be alright.

Surprisingly they ran into no trouble as they made their way out the front entrance. She isn’t really paying attention to anything but the end of the conversation she was currently a part of, first mistake.

“RRRRRUUUUUUIIIIII!!!!!”

Both of them stiffen when they hear someone yell her name but Rui instantly calms down when she recognizes the voice. In front of the school gate was Tsukasa looking as happy as ever, ecstatically waving at her. School had just ended, had she run over here? She wouldn’t put it past Tsukasa, the girl was incredibly impulsive which she had admitted herself.

Rui looks to the side as she notes Mizuki flattering “Mizuki… would you like me to introduce you two? You don’t have to stay for long or give your name”.

Mizuki thinks for a moment before wordlessly agreeing, letting Rui lead the way “Fufu was Tsukasa-chan waiting for me?”.

Tsukasa smiles “Of course! Why would I not come get you when today is the Super Pegasus Performers Sleepover!”.

Rui clutches her bag strap at that, remembering how Tsukasa had excitingly asked her if she wanted to. Turns out, much to Rui’s surprise, that they both hadn’t either been to one. Well, not counting the ones Tsukasa said she had with her brother when they were kids. 

Back to her bag, it was lighter today as less scraps were stuffed inside. Instead replaced with pyjamas, candy snacks, and other small necessities. She wasn’t really sure what to bring but Tsukasa had reassured her not to worry about anything.

“Super pegasus performers sleepover…?” Mizuki asks, Rui and Tsukasa nod.

Tsukasa strikes a pose, clearly happy about the idea despite the fact Mizuki basically knew nothing. Rui quickly explains who Tsukasa is, what she does, and “Me and Tsukasa-chan, we are friends”.

Tsukasa smiles even wider and swings her arm around Rui’s shoulder “Ha ha! I would even dare say best friends! Show partners for life!”. Rui smiles in return “I could even say my guinea pig…”. Mizuki watches their banter with interest as Tsukasa yells “HEY!”.

When Tsukasa was around Rui felt happier, she could almost ignore the weird stares from fellow students, whispering what she did to get the ‘poor blonde’ girl to act friendly with her.

Rui didn’t care, Tsukasa approached her after all. Students were just gossiping for the sake of it. Tsukasa and Mizuki started talking as Rui now watched, noticing how Mizuki’s questions about Tsukasa’s accessories with her uniform were answered in a non condescending way.

Rui doesn’t know why but after a few minutes she feels left out, she loudly clears her throat and involuntarily causes Tsukasa to drop her arm.

Tsukasa looks back at Mizuki after looking at Rui “Well! It was very nice to meet you but me and Rui have wonderful plans to enact on!”.

“Ah I see, have fun you two…” they say and Tsukasa thanks them in response before instructing Rui to follow her.

Mizuki lightly tugs Rui’s cuff before she can leave “I was wondering why you had let yourself loose recently. Rui, I am happy for you”. 

“Thank you, Mizuki” she says back, truly hoping to express her sincerity in it before leaving to catch up to Tsukasa.

Tsukasa smirks at her when she reaches her side “Were you getting second thoughts Rui?”.

“Fufu of course not” she replies nonchalantly, in the voice she had been training for, but she was lying. She was nervous about a few different things but the most prominent one was relating to her gender identity, she hadn’t explicitly told her that she was a trans girl.

She didn’t owe her but she felt guilty, was she being selfish by not telling her? She suspected that Tsukasa already knew, she hadn’t hidden her transition in front of her, her changing voice was the biggest giveaway. 

Out of habit, she takes off her tie, just another obvious reason for Tsukasa to notice.

Was she thinking too much?

The other reason was because she had been spending most of her free time with her, would Tsukasa eventually grow sick of her? When Rui was with Tsukasa she didn’t want to hold herself back but it was in her nature to do so. If she didn’t hold herself back then she would be isolated again just like she had been in the majority of her childhood, her creativity was never given a chance and instead seen as odd. Why risk being alienated?

Perhaps she could break free from that part of her life one day, was meeting new people a way to experience what she had lost?

She can’t ponder on it anymore because Tsukasa announces they have arrived. Rui had accidentally zoned out during the entire walk, she just hoped the silence hadn’t been awkward. However, she couldn’t help but stare. She was starting to wonder how loaded Tsukasa’s parents were because this house looked too nice. It didn’t matter, it wasn’t related to Tsukasa’s personality.

They enter into the genkan and take off their shoes. “Pardon the intrusion” Rui says automatically and Tsukasa giggles “It’s just me for now, no need to be so formal!”. She grabs her hand and brings her inside. Rui couldn’t help but notice the hint of sadness in her tone.

Tsukasa sets her down on the couch and tells her to get comfortable before running off to the kitchen, something about getting snacks. Rui takes out the small packets of ramune she bought and looks around. She picks up a star pillow with Tsukasa’s name embroidered on it, she finds it cute.

She looks up when she hears Tsukasa’s footsteps, the other girl had come with a tray full of different things. “Marshmallows?” she questions and Tsukasa laughs as she sets it down “Can’t go wrong with marshmallows! But I have some apple slices among other things and I see you bought some soda candy too”.

She flops down next to Rui, slightly startling her “Now let the star-tacular sleepover begin!”. Rui laughs lightly, she seemed to be growing fond of Tsukasa’s silly puns “Star-tacular?”. Tsukasa smirks “Yes indeed, the knowledge I have gained from manga and tv shows ensures that this will be ‘star-tacular’, this world future star can feel it in her bones!”.

“Well then what’s first, world future star?” she asks, using the name that Tsukasa beams at “Movies! We can binge anything you want, I even have CDs”. She pushes herself off the couch “I couldn’t find any of my show recordings this morning but I do have-” she pulls out two particular ones “-Sailor Moon SuperS: The Movie!”.

Everything is silent for a moment.

Rui stares “Sailor Moon…?”.

Tsukasa stares back before rushing up into Rui’s space  “Kamishiro Rui please tell me you have watched at the very least one episode involving the glorious moon princess and the rest of the sailor guardians!”.

Rui felt her cheeks flush, she always thought Tsukasa was cute but at the moment it wasn’t envy for her gender…

“Tsukasa-chan… personal space-” she can’t help but stutter out of embarrassment, Tsukasa misinterprets as discomfort “Ah sorry” she backs up “But now you have to watch this movie!”.

Rui’s heart is recovering as Tsukasa happily hops over to the player “I have more~ and we have all the time in the world!”. She rushes over to turn off the lights and shut the curtains before returning to Rui’s side.

Rui fidgets until she grabs ahold of the star pillow, nerves slightly calming down as she has something to keep them occupied. Tsukasa, unbeknownst to Rui, wills herself not to take a photo, she can’t believe how cute her friend is!

Less than halfway Rui is in awe of the film. The concept seemed something straight out of her mind, well not entirely, but that dream ship was definitely something she’d like to adapt and build on.

But Rui wasn’t just getting interested in the world of magical girls, she was having fun learning about a new media with Tsukasa. Any question she had Tsukasa answered, any small comment she made, whether a potential show idea, Tsukasa made sure to listen.

Having fun like this, it was new to her. Briefly, she wondered if she missed out on any other tv shows like this. Magical girl shows were marketed toward girls most of the time, maybe Rui should take the initiative to branch out?

She smiles to herself, any worries she had before forgotten for the time.

During the second movie, Tsukasa and Rui were brushing shoulders, whispering comments to each other much more naturally. The snacks were nearly finished, Rui being partial to the marshmallows and Tsukasa being partial to the ramune.

At one point Tsukasa whispers “See Sailor Mars? She for sure awakened something in me, she’s so pretty!”. Rui nods along, completely missing what Tsukasa had just implied.

When the second film ends Tsukasa stands up to turn on one of the lights at the front, the sunlight no longer peeking through the windows. She wastes no time getting back to Rui’s side, deciding to lean her head on Rui’s shoulder this time.

This time Rui doesn’t flinch or try to move away, she mentally applauds herself. Plus it wasn’t that different to what position they had been in earlier. 

Tsukasa then grabs her attention. “Rui… I know we have watched two movies but I have one more I really want to watch” Tsukasa bats her eyelashes “I’ll do any experiment you want me to do for two weeks! No takebacks!”.

“Tsukasa-chan…!” Rui’s mind races with ideas she wasn’t fully confident in expressing before, but if the chance arises.

She hears another voice before she can properly answer “Tsukasa! I am home!”. Tsukasa immediately turns around and Rui follows suit. An older woman emerges from the genkan, shoulders slightly slumped as her bag nearly falls off. Her hair was blonde like Tsukasa's, it reached to her shoulders and also appeared fluffy. Based on her clothes she couldn’t figure out where she had been.

“It’s only me tonight but I have good news, I just came back from the hospital Saki’s condition was-” she pauses as she reaches the couch, most likely just noticing Rui. Rui felt small under her gaze, was she too masculine-looking? Was Tsukasa’s mother scared of her being alone with Tsukasa?

Did she think Rui was a poser? A boy trying to dress like a girl?

Before Rui can spiral any further Tsukasa’s mother speaks “Ah yes, you must be the girl Tsukasa has been talking about recently! Sorry I am a bit tired so it took me a minute to remember she was inviting someone over today”.

Rui quells any fears she might be feeling in the moment to answer “Sorry for the intrusion Tenma-san, thank you for having me”.

She smiles, the same smile Tsukasa has, “My my how formal. It’s nice to meet you… Kamishiro was it?”. Rui nods, nervousness seeping back in.

“Mama… you said you’d work less overtime” Tsukasa interrupts, frowning a bit at her own mother. The frown stays as her mom leans over and kisses her forehead “I know little star and I apologize. Now if you two will excuse me I am going to make some ginger fried pork for dinner”.

Tsukasa’s mood lightens a bit “REALLY?”. 

“Yes, really! I’ll call you over to set the table when it’s ready” she says ruffling Tsukasa’s hair before leaving for the kitchen.

Tsukasa still looked a bit upset and Rui didn’t like that, she faintly knew what she felt like.

Tsukasa just didn’t seem like she was used to the loneliness like she was.

Rui speaks first “Hey Tsukasa-chan…what’s next for this ‘star-tacular’ sleepover?”.

Tsukasa’s smile returns, a bit smaller this time but still there, “Follow me, I will make sure you’re on the edge of your seat!”.

-----------------------------------------

The two moved to Tsukasa’s room and Rui had to hide her surprise. Most of the room was barren, the only pops of color were from items on her desk and plushies on her bed. She watches as the other girl starts moving stuff around, including a spotlight from the top of her closet. The only thing she wasn’t really surprised at was the mirror in her room, maybe Tsukasa practiced her poses here?

She does see that Tsukasa had set up two futons on the floor, completely ignoring that she had a bed, and had left some show notes on one of them.

“Welcome to my room! Where my brilliant ideas come to life!”.

It turns out Tsukasa was relying a lot on what she had seen in media but it wasn’t boring by any means. She smiles at the thought of Tsukasa making notes while reading, doing so as if she was making notes for a show.

Anything could be related to a show, especially when applied to them.

Even now, after a few months, Rui was learning new things about Tsukasa. Why hadn’t anyone told her sleepovers were this fun? Time was passing so incredibly fast. Although during this time Rui accidentally introduced Tsukasa to MLG videos in return, but that was another rabbit hole that didn’t need to be explored.

They moved past that quickly as not soon after Tsukasa ushered her to change into their pyjamas. Rui took the bathroom and Tsukasa took her room. While Rui’s were plain and very baggy while Tsukasa’s did have a baggy shirt but flowy pants with stars decorated.

She felt like it was very on point.

Now they were sitting at the table, various items relating to makeup or snacks scattered on top of the surface. Tsukasa was putting on red eyeliner to match with Rui’s, her technique was way better too.

Rui felt a bit out of place, not daring to pick up any of the products, choosing to pick up another biscuit to munch on.

“There!” Tsukasa exclaims, placing down the hand mirror, “Now we match!”.

Rui finishes the biscuit “You look… really cute”. Tsukasa giggles “I think it looks better on you! I can give you my tube for it”.

“Tsukasa-chan is really kind…” she mutters but Tsukasa still hears it “And much more”. She places the cap before looking at Rui’s expectantly.

The clock strikes 10 pm, time flies.

“Now my next idea, it’s really popular one too. We could tell each other our secrets!” comes the next suggestion, Rui’s eyes widen much to Tsukasa’s amusement “Oh? Do you have something juicy~”.

She slides next to Rui “Surely there is more than show ideas and invention blueprints in that head of yours!”.

“I uhm” Rui stutters, mind honing in on the worst situations. One small comment and she feels cornered, she shouldn’t.

“It doesn’t have to be big, here I’ll go first!” she says, scrambling to get get something in a container under her bed. When she returns she has worn-out pink bunny plushie “Meet Usa-chan, my acting companion from when acting career was starting out”.

“My small secret? I still use her sometimes, sleep with her” she smiles “Pretty childish isn’t it?”. Rui shook her head “There’s nothing to be ashamed of”.

Rui decides to go next simply telling her about an invention she showed to her parents when they came home for the first time in a while, but during the presentation, it had blown up in her face. Her hair had caught fire much to Tsukasa’s amusement, after all one of Rui's inventions had done the same to her hair.

It goes on for a little while, just recounting failed show ideas or small embarrassing stories.

But the words from before, Tsukasa’s desire to hear about Rui’s ‘big’ secret. And right now she doesn’t feel as afraid. This atmosphere, this friendship, this trust… she wanted to say.

It wasn’t a shameful secret, it wasn’t a lie.

“Tsukasa-chan, do you want to know a big secret?” she hesitantly asks to which Tsukasa’s curiosity is clearly evident from her eyes “You can trust me”.

Rui keeps eye contact “I do trust you which is why I keep thinking. I want to express myself freely, in shows, in my identity, isn’t that selfish? Was it a secret worth keeping? Will there ever be a right moment to say anything?”.

Tsukasa waits for her patiently, even as Rui contemplates not following through with it.

She hopes she doesn't ruin anything.

“I'm transgender, I'm a trans girl” she finally says, breaking eye contact "I feel like a girl but you probably know by now I'm you know....I hear about it practically every day how my body is wrong".

She wasn’t held down by this, it wasn’t her whole identity "But still if you might feel uncomfortable with it....".

Tsukasa doesn’t say anything, choosing to take Rui’s hands in hers.

“Want to know a secret of mine?” she asks much to Rui’s confusion.

She starts “I don’t like my body, that’s all that there is to it”.

“It’s all in my head… at least I think it is because I fixate on parts of my body that people probably don’t notice. My stomach, the pudge in my cheeks, the stretch marks… I could go on and on because it interferes with my daily life to the point where I don’t know how to perceive myself at points” she focuses on Rui’s hand as she talks, Rui wonders if she is noticing the scaring on it, “I think I am obsessed with my flaws, wanting to alter them until I can't. My secret is that my self-consciousness rears its head constantly, do you get it Rui?”

“It’s not the same but I understand the feeling. Meeting societal norms, dealing with aspects we don’t like about ourselves, wishing for different bodies than the ones we were born with” she concludes, lightly dropping Rui’s hands “In the end, I don’t think it really matters. At heart, we are performers, isn’t that enough?”.

It was enough to her, it always was. Even though she knew that gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia weren’t the same, she felt heard because Tsukasa was trying to find common ground. Maybe someone would see it as insensitive but this whole thing started because they were telling secrets…

She believed that Tsukasa might be the person her mother had told her she’d meet one day.

“Girls are girls with or without makeup, girls are girls whether they wear skirts or not, girls are just girls!” she states as a matter of factly “Like you and me are, yet I have to say you are an exceptionally pretty girl!”.

Rui had trouble defining herself as feminine before she ‘officially’ came out, especially on her own terms. Hearing all this is new because it's from another girl, a girl that was calling her all these nice things and performing shows with her.

Her, not him.

Rui smiles, a wide tooth smile that partially blinds Tsukasa’s eyes with the way it beams.

Was it a miracle that Rui could spend time with Tsukasa, to continue to feel this warm feeling? Was it selfish of Rui to stay at her side? Rui wasn’t sure so she stayed silent hoping she could one day express her gratitude to her.

Tsukasa smiles back “Rui I have a very important question to ask you!”.

Rui looks at her confused but Tsukasa’s enthusiasm doesn’t die down “What color do you want me to paint your nails?”. She gestures to the side of the table, different colors of nail polish stand there that Rui hadn’t even noticed.

She points to the bottle that stands out to her, a nice shade of yellow “Fufu, the polish that looks all sparkly”.

Ha ha! I knew you’d have excellent taste, now prepare for a manicure worthy of a star!".

Rui laughs because she doesn’t know how else to express her happiness, her shoulders shake and Tsukasa lightly chastises her for moving her hands.

For once Rui doesn’t focus on the differences in their hands, instead, she focuses on Tsukasa’s ideas for a two-woman show staring them. Rui thinks she wants to branch out more often from using her robots as the main characters alongside Tsukasa to standing at her side.

Later when Tsukasa’s mother comes to check in on them she sees her daughter snoring loudly next to the purple-haired girl, various plushies scattered on the futons. Before she could only hear laughter from her room and she smiled as she closed the door softly. How long had it been since she had heard her daughter's laughter ringing throughout the house? 

“I am glad you have found more friends Tsukasa”.

Maybe she didn’t need to worry as much anymore.

-----------------------------------------

Rui’s first year of highschool is the first time she wears the female uniform. Wearing the bow felt right as opposed to wearing the tie, she didn’t feel like closing her eyes when viewing her reflection as she wore the tights and a skirt.

Was it an exaggeration that a new school would mean a new start? She didn’t know but enrolling in Kamiyama did seem like the better option, lest she get put in a school with people that excluded her further.

But with Tsukasa by her side maybe that chance would decrease. Tsukasa was like the sun to Rui, she couldn’t help but feel a bit more optimistic for the new year.

Too bad they weren’t put in the same class and Rui had promised Tsukasa she try to attend classes more regularly.

She couldn’t wait for lunch to come around.

Chapter Text

Another day of school, another day of evading detention much to Tsukasa’s dismay and to Rui’s amusement.

The start of her second year is less nerve racking then her first. Now she was more comfortable leaning into her own appearance. In addition to her tights she now wore the grey cardigan and had more or less grown her hair out to the length she wanted. In fact it was Tsukasa who had cut her hair into an actual hairstyle, giving her hair clips and actual tips on how to maintain it. She sometimes had colored bandaids on her fingers but they didn’t look out of place to her.

She could even see what Tsukasa meant when she called her cute, it made her feel warm.

Tsukasa had also changed her appearance, she wore the yellow cardigan and had switched out her white bow for a smaller clip on one. It seemed like the star’s trademark. Her hair was still wavy and fluffy but a bit shorter, resting on her shoulders.

Yellow and purple, pale yellow and gray, amber and gold. A duo.

High school was better than middle school, but Rui wasn’t oblivious. She was used to be called a weirdo but sometimes she still felt reservations about it. Was it wrong to still have some feelings toward being referred to as such?

And now she had roped Tsukasa into it, no less than a month into their second year they had finally gotten a name attached: Weirdo Wombo Combo. She had no idea who made it but for some reason, she felt a little a bit more welcoming to it.

Tsukasa was more popular than her so she knew she wasn’t judged by much. Rui also knew that she wasn’t widely accepted in the school like her friend. But she was content with it, it’s not worse than before.

“Did you hear? Kamishiro dragged Tenma into another one of her ‘experiments’”

“Why does Tenma-chan even hang out with a weirdo like her…?”.

“I know right, it’s seems like it is a ticking time bomb until Kamishiro gets suspended or until Tenma drops her, especially with all the other blows to her reputation”.

It didn’t matter because they both didn’t pay attention to them, why would they need to ?

Like right now, she was sitting at her desk laughing at Tsukasa fretting over her appearance “Rui don’t laugh! Your hair is all tangled and my edges are frizzled!”.

“Fufu, even after you so boldly held my invention when I told you it was unstable~” she reaches out for Tsukasa’s side bangs, the perfect reach as she was leaning over the desk Rui was at “It’s all in different directions, your bangs are really singed Tsukasa-chan!”.

Before Tsukasa can complain further, a new voice echoed in the classroom “Pardon the intrusion”.

When they both turn to the voice and are greeted by two people, two underclassmen. Rui, surprisingly, recognizes both of them.

The one who had spoken looked like the calmer one. Her uniform was done neatly and her long straight hair was spilt right down the middle into two shades of blue: light and dark. She had a singular mole and was quite tall, not taller than her however. Rui had seen her before in middle school, she had tagged alongside Tsukasa to see her performance.

The other one took her moment to recognize. On the day she had first talked to Tsukasa in the past they had bumped into her on the way over, but she had also seen them performing on the streets, powerfully. Rui notices the bow ribbon meaning that her mysterious person was mostly likely a girl, a girl whose hair was less shaggy now and was instead layered into a mullet. She wore a jacket and blazer with her uniform but also had chosen to wear the long pants.

She looked slightly distributed, muttering “It’s the Weirdo Wombo Combo I saw during lunch..!”.

The ginger haired girl becomes even more shocked as she sees her friend step over “Sorry to keep you waiting Tsukasa-senpai”.

“Oh Touya! I’ve been waiting for you, I’m so excited but I kept it as a surprise for Rui!” Tsukasa beams and now two girls are confused.

The dual blue haired girl smiles “Thank you for making some time to speak with us today”.

Tsukasa smiles in return “Ha ha no need to be so formal! We are friends after all and hopefully, after this meeting, partners!!” 

Tsukasa brings her gaze back to Rui “Rui! This is Aoyagi Touya and the girl next to her is Shinonome Akito, together they form BAD DOGS!”.

Rui looks them both up and down again before gesturing to Aoyagi “Fufu such a fine young girl like yourself, holding such great esteem for someone as eccentric as her, hm?”.

Aoyagi doesn’t understand “Why wouldn’t I? Tsukasa-senpai has helped me a lot in the past, I’d now like to help her too”.

Rui smiles, that does sound like Tsukasa.

“Regardless Akito-chan this is the upperclassman I told you about. The one I have the utmost respect for. And she’s the one that made the poster” Aoyagi says “Together with Kamishiro Rui, she and Tsukasa-senpai are backstreet performers known as the Pegasus Performers”.

Shinonome says her first words since “Touya… thi-this must be a bad dream”.

“It’s not my dear kouhai! Our performance group proposal is completely legit!” she poses “With me a world future star and the best director, my partner Rui, we extend our hands to have you join us. Let’s do our best to be heard throughout the backstreets all over the world!!!”.

Aoyagi looks at Shinonome expectantly, eyes full of hope “Akito-chan…”.

Similarly Tsukasa looks at Rui the same way, it’s clear that she was unsure what Rui would say since she had just officially met them and Tsukasa seemed very keen on accepting her. Yes they both made the poster but Rui never told her she thought no one would be eager to join.

But Rui wasn’t opposed to it, she trusted Tsukasa’s judgement.

“Well what’s the harm in trying? It’d be very rude to turn away such determined individuals” she puts her hand on her chin in a thinking pose “While I personally haven’t seen you perform Aoyagi-chan I can see you are determined. Shinonome-chan on the other hand I have seen you perform and I can see the passion”.

Shinonome seemed startled but Rui thinks she sees flattery too “I see”.

The bell goes off before they can say anything else, signaling that it was the end of break.

But Tsukasa comes up with an idea before any of them leave “Touya, where do you two sit during lunch?”.

Aoyagi and Tsukasa quickly exchange details, before Rui knows the classes have passed and she was following the blonde haired girl to one of the tables outside “Aha found you two!”.

Much to Shinonome’s confusion they both sit down on one side as Aoyagi explains that they didn’t have enough time before and that Tsukasa had asked to meet during lunch. Since Shinonome hadn’t flat out rejected joining their group, she had to be open to the idea.

She isn’t opposed to this impromptu meeting and gets back to eating her sandwich. Tsukasa starts a conversation with Aoyagi about their performances and Rui watches as all of them begin to eat their lunch.

Well, Tsukasa eats her ‘luncheon’ which Rui is envious of, she doesn’t think she can steal anything today…

After a few more minutes of conversation Tsukasa loudly proclaims “I now declare this meeting of the backstreet entertainers, the Pegasus Dogs, open!”.

She balls her hand in a fist and proudly places it on her chest, “I, Tenma Tsukasa, shall be your valiant leader, Pegasus Tenma!”.

“Pegasus dogs…?” Shinonome questions “Tenma-senpai, can’t you come up with a better name for us if we join and yourself for that matter...? I mean, you're using ‘pegasus’ for both of them”.

Rui laughs “Fufu It's just her way of coming up with a stage name for herself. I'm Kamishiro Rui, so mine would be... God Generation Kamishiro?”.

Tsukasa nods “Mh hm!”.

Aoyagi ponders for a moment “I see. That would make me... Blue Willow Aoyagi?”.

Tsukasa visibly more excited “Yes that’s perfect! And for you-“ she points at Shinonome “Your last name is Shinonome so…”.

Shinonome tries to discourage her “Hey don’t lump me in with it, even Touya copied you…”.

All three of them pointedly ignore her, Rui finally gets an idea “‘Dawn’? No ‘daybreak’! Daybreak Shinonome!”.

The other two nod as Shinonome refutes her “What how? Also Touya and I haven’t actually agreed to anything yet…”.

Aoyagi looks over to her friend “They’ve put on quite a few shows themselves, all of them being successful, so Akito-chan it seems like a wonderful learning opportunity, no?”.

Shinonome thinks for a moment before speaking “Yeah, I get what you're saying... But we don't necessarily have to learn from these two”.

Ah so it seemed like Shinonome was more reluctant than any of them thought, though Rui couldn’t find it in herself to fault her for that.

Tsukasa looks like she wants to say something to change Shinonome’s mind but doesn’t know where to start. Rui speaks instead “There may actually be some things that only we can teach you since I, at least, am hoping to try things that no one else has done before”.

She smiles “I have a tendency to make people stand out, make them shine, and I believe you’d be up to the challenge fufu…”.

Tsukasa immediately catches on to Rui’s schemes “That's just her way of saying she’s going to use me alone as her guinea pig, not you guys. With that in mind, what do you say?”.

Shinonome doesn’t respond immediately, moving her eyes away from Tsukasa’s optimistic face to Aoyagi’s more determined one. She sighs “Alright if you say so, we’ll join. But the name ‘Pegasus Dogs’ is off the table”.

Tsukasa seems shocked “Is the name really that bad…?”.

To her further shock Aoyagi of all people nods “I agree. As it stands, Kamishiro-senpai seems like a complete outsider. Shouldn't we pick something that includes some part of all of us?”.

Rui feels touched that Aoyagi thought to include her. Tsukasa seems to understand “Yes, I see. Let's start by coming up with a new team name! One that includes all of us!”.

As she hears Shinonome mutter about for all of their sakes that the name is decent, she can’t help but be hopeful for her next performance.

-----------------------------------------

Currently Rui finds herself in front of the school during lunch break again, surprisingly enough most students didn’t use this open area during this time even though they were permitted too.

It just allowed for a better practice space so Rui wasn’t complaining. And it seemed Tsukasa appreciated the space too.

“GWAHHHHHHH!” she’s yelling and switching stances as Rui encourages her “Tsukasa-chan! You're the Pegasus who soars in the skies above, aren't you?! Use your whole body! Dance like you're in control of the wind!”.

Tsukasa’s energy increases tenfold “HAAAAAAAA!!! FFFWAHHHHH!!!!!”. To outsiders, it was unclear what Tsukasa was doing. Was she actually being a pegasus or was she winging it and simply testing her flexibility.

It sure looked like it when their other group members joined them. Akito announces their presence “They’re at it again… Tsukasa-senpai what the hell are you doing?”.

All four girls had agreed to call each other by their first names since they were part of the same performance group.

“I’m not doing anything out of the ordinary. We can now commence the first rehearsal as Fantasista Squad, the group formerly known as Pegasus Dogs!” Tsukasa replies.

Personally Rui thought that Fantasista was a wonderful choice they all agreed on. Akito was actually the one that suggested it, pulling it from her football knowledge.

“That refers to someone with high technical skills, including passing, dribbling, shooting and even the creativity to come up with plays that make the crowd go wild, yes?”.

“Yeah. In simpler terms, a fantasista's someone who's universally called a great player”.

Rui had referred to the definition of ‘Actors and street performers who excel at improvisation and saying witty lines’ and Tsukasa had deemed the name perfect.

But enough about that.

Rui puts her hands together “Alright, shall we get started with rehearsal?”.

Tsukasa smiles but is unable to pose like she wants to, Rui thinks there’s an obvious reason for it, “Yes. We're going to give our audience all the surprises and excitement they can handle HA HA!”.

“Touya-chan… Akito-chan.. are you ready to become pegasuses?!” she excitingly exclaims much to Akito’s horror “Huh?”.

“Tell me what to do, Rui-senpai…!” Touya answers back “Ah, should I copy Tsukasa-senpai?”.

Akito immediately puts her hand in front of her to stop her from lifting her leg “NO TOUYA…! Tsukasa-senpai has shorts under her skirt you don’t!”.

That’s right, Tsukasa’s test of flexibility was balancing with one leg extended upwards, completely straight, balancing on one leg with her foot above her head, both hands holding her foot. But Tsukasa could do so because she wore shorts under her skirt, Tsukasa preferred it that way so she could run around all she wanted.

“Oh… Oh! Please forgive me, Akito-chan” it seems like Touya also got it, a little embarrassed, “Rui-senpai, what’s your direction? If Tsukasa-senpai is so determined to pass her limits then so am I”.

Tsukasa finally puts her leg down, moving into another stance, voice strong “Huff... The path of the Pegasus is both long and treacherous, Touya. Are you prepared for such an ordeal?”.

“I am not exactly a great dancer or anything, but yes of course” and Rui smiles wider at the response “Then, let's get started. We'll begin with an opening scene! Touya-chan, imagine you’re a blue willow wafting gracefully in the breeze”.

Touya starts trying her best. Rui liked working with Tsukasa but she also liked working with Touya, she was calm and had new perspectives to offer. This girl, despite the misfortunes she had faced, she was reliable and mindful of her ideas.

She even displays this child-like excitement at doing this simple exercise “Rui-senpai I think I got it!”.

Now moving onto the next matter, Rui makes intense eye contact with the last member “Akito-chan, you’re joining in too! You are trying to make the sun rise above the horizon, so dance like you're singing sonorously!”.

“What? D-dance like I’m singing?” Akito grows more confused but Rui refuses to elaborate “Now begin!”.

“Wait I still don’t get what I’m doing?!” Akito refutes.

Rui is having too much fun to care and she hears the other two laugh at Akito’s misfortune as she tries to ‘dance like she is singing’.

Tsukasa moves with practiced ease, having been subjected to Rui’s directing for much longer.

Touya was slowly getting into the flow.

Akito flat out asks for a demonstration on what the hell Rui meant.

And Rui knows this is their first official rehearsal but she is looking forward to what they’ll be able to teach each other, how they could progress to reach new heights.

When the bell rings Rui almost feels sad, perhaps the group needed to figure out a proper rehearsal schedule.

“Alright that concludes today, unless of course you’d all like to meet after school to move away from the opening scene~” she suggests.

To her delight they all agree and begin making their way into the building. But before she can following Tsukasa and Akito, Touya stops her.

“Rui-senpai, I wanted to thank you” she starts “Your directing style is so unique and it’s been great learning all these new things from you”.

“Fufu, Touya-chan this is our first rehearsal…” Rui feels a bit bashful, as if this was unwarranted.

Regardless Touya continues “Yes, first official rehearsal. The weeks leading up to it you’ve been sharing all this knowledge, even Akito-chan has said that although people aren’t usually allowed to do some of the stuff you suggest, your ideas are incredible”.

“I just wanted to express my gratitude, your ideas are akin to a breath of fresh air. You don’t let what others say get to you, I admire that” Touya smiles and Rui feels a little embarrassed “I’ll continue working harder to not only be a good teammate to you and Tsukasa-senpai but also a partner that Akito-chan can rely on”.

She doesn’t get a chance to say anything back this time.

“RUI! TOUYA! You’ll be late!” Tsukasa yells, rushing back outside as the second bell goes off “Oh crap! C’mon Rui!”. She grabs Rui’s hand almost instinctively and runs with her inside.

Rui feels like she’s blushing but that’s a normal reaction to have when a person she considers her best friend initiates familiar contact like this.

When they reach Tsukasa’s class not only do they realize they had unintentionally left Touya behind but also realize neither of them were going to escape a scolding from their teachers for their tardiness.

-----------------------------------------

Performing in live houses was certainly different from performing on the streets or practicing in front of the school, but Rui was open to it. She and Tsukasa had been teaching their group about their performances, now it was their turn to learn about live house performances.

Rui liked to assume she knew how to see things from the crowd’s perspective, how to get them excited, what kind of lighting would be best. And with the help of Akito and Touya she now knew what it’s like to sing at the live house, truly it wasn’t that different to performing.

It was exhilarating, it was new.

The only issue was the fact she and Tsukasa hadn’t found proper outfits yet, having been used to performing on the street in usually their uniforms with additional fabrics accompanying them if the role required it. While she dressed in layers like the other two , Tsukasa wore a crop top.

She wished she had her confidence.

Right now she and Akito were left to their own devices as Tsukasa and Touya went to double check things in the back.

Out of all her teammates, Akito was the one she felt like a wall was between them. Not malicious in any way, it just left her confused. She didn’t know what specifically had she done, they all got along after all, but she supposed she just naturally off put people.

But she liked where she was, so all she had to do was reach out. She leans back on the same wall Akito currently was “Akito-chan, is something about me bothering you?”.

Akito snaps her eyes away at the comment “Hah?”.

“I notice your stares, I’m used to it but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable while working together” she simply states “You can be direct with me, your personality makes it easy”.

Akito still isn’t making eye contact with her “… I’ve been hearing some rumours about you”.

Rui waits for her to continue, she does “About you uh… not being born a girl. Someone claiming to be from the same middle school you went to”.

“And what do you think?” she proposes in response. Akito answers “This is embarrassing to admit but… I want to ask if you’re like me”.

“I mean I know gender means shit when performing but…” she grumbles before making her voice more direct “Are you like me?”.

Rui asks “In what sense?”.

Akito replies “Being born in the wrong body, like, being transgender”.

Rui thinks for a moment, was Akito also… “Care to elaborate?”.

“I look at you, someone rumoured to be like me, and get irritated. You look like a girl and I don’t…” she says. She continues mentioning about how her hair isn’t stereotypical, how she preferred pants to skirts or dresses which included her uniform but she still wore the school ribbon, how gruff her voice is. She seemed really pissed about the voice part.

What was her issue with her? Was Akito jealous?

“On stage it’s worse, my singing voice sounds like a boy’s, and so does yours yet you don’t seem to care” she pauses “… does all of that make me less of a girl?”.

She couldn’t deny the voice claim, while she could train her voice as much as she liked, her singing voice was something else entirely. But recently she had come to terms with it, maybe she could help Akito too.

She starts “That rumour isn’t really a rumour, but based on what you’re telling me I don’t think you have anything against me for it”.

“Your voice shouldn’t be why you think it doesn’t work, male singers can sing insanely high and female singers sing incredibly low” she says “So it would be correct to assume it can apply to other gendered accepts like hair and clothing”.

She points at Akito who still isn’t looking at her “Once I was told that girls are girls, whether they wear skirts or not, whether they wear makeup or not. Just because you prefer the long pants in the uniform doesn’t make you any less of a girl, the same goes for your shaggy hair and voice”.

“Overcoming fears, thoughts, it takes time. But I’m sure someone like you, Akito-chan, will be able to do it someday” she concludes, finally getting Akito to make proper eye contact with her.

“You’re more considerate than I thought Rui-senpai, or well I guess I didn’t bother opening my eyes to see it” Akito says.

“You really are earnest Akito-chan” Rui smiles and Akito breaks eye contact.

Rui’s chest feels a little bit lighter even if they didn’t go into much depth in their conversation.

“…”

A few moments pass before Akito speaks again “Ya know, I would have never guessed that you were trans at first glance”.

Rui snickers “No offense but do you see me introducing myself by saying ‘Hello I am Kamishiro Rui, by the way, I was born a dude but I am actually a girl’. That’s the whole point of passing”.

That gets a laugh out of Akito which makes Rui glad, Akito always looked so serious. There was nothing wrong with it, Akito was just really focused on her dreams, but sometimes Rui thought her face was in a permanent frown.

“Now if you are that worried and want a tip, let Tsukasa-chan help with your hair, it looks like a mop” she teases “They won’t take a mop singing in the streets seriously!”.

“Rui-senpai…” Akito tries to retort but by the time she spoke Rui had begun ruffling the top of her hair.

As Rui continues teasing her, Tsukasa comes back. She now wore a jacket over her crop top and had a tote bag hanging off her shoulder. A tote bag with a star on it, Tsukasa frequently used it even back then if she didn’t have her school bag.

“Alright I’m back-“ she starts before eyeing Rui ruffling Akito’s hair “Rui you weren’t tormenting Akito were you…?”.

“Fufu to think so lowly of me, you’re so cruel Tsukasa-chan… shiku shiku…” she fake cries. Tsukasa isn’t amused “You know what, you’re probably dehydrated!”.

She pulls out two water bottles from her trusty bag, tossing one to Rui and one to Akito. Akito snickers “You’re like a mom Tsukasa-senpai. The bag certainly helps support it”.

Tsukasa’s cheeks flush “H-huh? What are you trying to get at?”.

Rui nods “I can see it”, Tsukasa punches her shoulder in response “S-shut up! And you, don’t mock my bag it’s very handy!”. She becomes less flustered by distracting herself, drinking from her own water bottle.

Touya comes out from the back and joins them “Alright we can get going now. This was a fun night, no?”.

Tsukasa smiles, that smile that Rui secretly grows fonder looking at, “It was exceptional! It was fantastical, like our name!”.

“I do have to admit you two are getting better in these kinds of environments” Akito says and Rui replies “Oh my, compliments from Akito-chan! I do have to return the sentiment you two work well in shows too”. 

Tsukasa suddenly swings her arms around both girls, pulling them close “Ha ha, it truly feels like we are a squad! You all saw the audience , all their smiles, all their excitement. I want our performances, regardless of the type, to always be like this”.

Akito grumbles at Tsukasa’s side “You’re a loud idiot, but you’re working hard so we’ll do our best to catch up, to reach our dreams”.

Tsukasa pulls them closer as Rui makes eye contact with one teammate that wasn’t in the blonde haired girl’s grasp.

“Fufu we can’t let Touya-chan feel left out” she stretches out her arm and brings the blue haired girl into their bundle.

“Oi don’t get too comfortable” Akito mutters and the rest of the group members laugh, Rui’s shoulders even shake.

When Rui thinks back to her thoughts about being judged, she doesn’t feel as held down by it. The teammates, no the friends that actually accepted her were more than enough, the rumours weren’t enough to deter them.

And for now, that was more than okay for her.

-----------------------------------------

Akito truly couldn’t figure out Tsukasa and Rui’s relationship, she’s heard the random speculations about their friendship in the school but she felt like there was something else. She wasn’t discrediting what they had but how was she supposed to not notice anything.

Right now the whole group was eating on the rooftop, a meeting place that Akito had reluctantly agreed to after Touya discouraged her comment of “Only weirdos and couples hang up there…”, and discussing new ideas.

Tsukasa and Touya were reading over a script Rui had claimed to make while being ‘very sleep deprived’. Akito was just munching on her fruit sandwich, watching as Tsukasa’s expression remained blank. Touya just looks confused.

“Rui-senpai…” Touya starts but she can’t seem to think of anything to say.

Rui looks at Tsukasa almost expectantly, innocently waiting for her expected reaction.

Tsukasa finally shouts speaks “I am not calling you ‘good girl’ Rui, this script is shit!”.

The silence is deafening.

Tsukasa sighs and Rui looks as if she was about to fake cry “Pardon my language, you know I don’t like outright disregarding an idea but please sleep before attempting to write a script”.

Akito had to give credit where credit was due, Rui could make a pretty convincing hurt face. “Yoyoyo not even my cannon idea… I made it extra special Tsukasa-chan”.

“RUI! There are so many typos that a lot of it is incomprehensible! Touya was struggling too!” she looks to Touya for help but the other girl remained silent “Forgive me Tsukasa-senpai but Rui-senpai is also my senpai… I can’t say anything”.

Tsukasa looks appalled “Touya?!”.

Rui grins “Fufu Touya-chan…! Help me convince Tsukasa-chan to keep the cannon idea for the next show!”.

Akito watches as Tsukasa then grabs Rui’s shoulders and shakes her, trying to reject her cannon idea. Rui only laughs and traps her in a hug as her two kouhais resist laughing too, at the idiocy of their interaction. 

But what Akito also notices is how relaxed Rui looked, as if she was being her true self. Rui may be annoying in her eyes, but she was growing exceptionally fast. And it seemed like Tsukasa was one of the reasons, giving her a chance to change.

When she looked at Touya, she felt the same. Having someone by your side was better than having no one. Everyone had their person, it seemed that Tsukasa was that person for Rui.

She just hoped that if they stopped being so oblivious and got into a damn relationship, they’d dial down their PDA.

Chapter Text

Starting her third year, Rui actually looks forward to what the future could hold. She didn’t feel so lonely anymore, didn’t feel as outcasted.

And she got to connect with her friends from the past, like right now. She was trying to finish up a prototype in her usual spot, the rooftop, and she was accompanied by her old friend in solitude: Akiyama Mizuki. It was after school, the clubs were still going on but both were here instead.

Like her Mizuki seemed to be in a better place, like her they finally seemed more comfortable in their own body. Their hair was longer and tied in a cute side ponytail, they wore different bracelets even if they are obscured by a purple sweater. They wore the female uniform too accompanied by long black socks but perhaps the most important detail Rui noted was that they were happy, they didn’t care what others said about their appearance.

Mizuki would say they were cute, except for their braces.

Rui, too, had a newer look. Everything was mostly the same since her second year aside from her new cyan cardigan and a new piercing on her one ear. Much to her teammates’ confusion she hadn’t bothered to just pierce the other side.

Mizuki had also called her cute, thankfully she felt like she had enough confidence now to believe it.

Rui almost felt bad that they only reconnected at the end of her second year but she knows she can’t change the past, especially since the present was much better than she could have ever predicted.

Currently, they were having an updated conversation from the past, or at least that's what it felt like. Mizuki was talking about the group they were in, now given the name fellow hobbyists on days off, and their recent offline meeting. While Rui focused more on performances, Mizuki focused more on making music, specifically editing.

However, at the moment they were talking about how they got to meet a boy idol group and how they got all these new ideas. She supposed the joy Mizuki got from this was the fact they were able to talk about it to others like them and connect them to other topics of interest.

They were even friends in the group with someone Rui briefly knew from childhood: Kusanagi Nene. She felt glad that the shy boy she was neighbors with was in a safe space, even if they hadn’t talked in a long time.

Rui thinks “I am happy for you Mizuki, you’ve smiled much more since you got to highschool” . She felt old despite only being one year above them.

But their talk is interrupted as someone slams open the rooftop door, the sound unnecessarily loud as the culprit runs up to where the two are, out of breath.

Mizuki smiles “Hello disciplinary committee senpai! I swear Rui isn’t doing anything wrong today~”.

The culprit was none other than Tenma Tsukasa and she was catching her breath as if she were recovering from a marathon. Tsukasa also had an upgraded appearance, she had gotten her ears pierced with star stud earrings, a pale yellow to go with her white bow. In addition to her yellow cardigan she now wore the school blazer on top of it, plus she had the red armband on her right arm.

Rui tries to speak but Tsukasa interrupts her “RUI TODAY WE ARE PERFORMING AT THE PLAZA! WE HAVE TO HURRY”. 

“Oh…? Oh! Was that today?” her eyes widened before hastily packing away the prototype she was working on. Tsukasa begins rushing to the door as she nods.

Rui looks apologetically at them “Sorry Mizuki it appears that I have to run off now, let’s talk again soon okay?”.

“See you around, weirdo” they smirk and wave but before Rui can ask why she feels herself being yanked backwards “Rui! The train!”.

“Yes, yes, let's see how fast you run Tsukasa-chan fufu” she grins but Tsukasa is too focused on getting to the station to give any sort of reaction to her friend. Rui lets herself be led out of the school.

But in the end it didn’t matter how fast they were going, before they had even reached the station they saw the train zoom past them, much to Tsukasa’s dismay “Akito is going to kill me and Touya is going to be disappointed in me…”.

As Tsukasa puts her head in her hands, Rui begins to formulate a plan. She couldn’t let down the audience or her teammates or Tsukasa. Since they couldn’t catch the train maybe they could get there another way, running was clearly out of the question though.

She looked around before making eye contact with a lone bicycle, one that looked like it hadn’t been used in a long time. She hoped it had been abandoned because she just had an idea.

She makes her way over to the bike “Tsukasa-chan I have an idea, although you may not like it at first”.

Tsukasa watches as Rui places her bag in the bike basket before hopping on. She intentionally scoots herself forward on the seat before motioning behind her “Quick, put your bag with mine and hop on!”.

“RUI THAT IS ILLEGAL AND THE BIKE IS NOT YOURS” she yells in response but eventually gives in when Rui pulls out her infamous puppy dog eyes. She sighs in defeat before carefully getting behind Rui, lightly placing her arms around the director’s waist. The touch makes Rui feel light but she ignores it “Fufu Tsukasa-chan are you ready for a joyride to the stage?~”.

Tsukasa gawks at her statement “IF WE GET CAUGHT, I AM BLAMING YOU!”.

She laughs again, checks that Tsukasa’s legs are off the ground, before cycling forward down the path “Fufu, I’ll return it. Now just hold on~”.

She’s surprisingly steady as she speeds up, much to Tsukasa’s clear confusion. She knew she didn’t have as much stamina as Tsukasa but she still had strength. As she navigates her way to the plaza she is silently grateful that she tied her hair up today, it would be bad if her hair obstructed her view.

She wanted to look back and see if Tsukasa was enjoying this as much as she was, but she’d probably crash and they were already running late.

Tsukasa speaks as she tightens her grip on Rui’s body “I’ve seen this in anime before, the two girls were also late for something but they ended up crashing”.

Tsukasa kept quiet about how in that anime the two girls were in love and that teenagers in love break the rule for no apparent reason, just like how she was doing with Rui right now.

“My my Tsukasa-chan don’t jinx us!” Rui says in response, purposely making the bike wobble.

Tsukasa shrieks much to Rui’s amusement “Wait wait wait! That’s not what I was trying to do!”.

By then Rui is cycling down the smooth path that leads to the stage. The speakers were still in the process of being set up and she could hear people in the background, presumably behind the stage. She couldn’t see anyone so she stops near a few vending machines, she nearly jokes about there being no witnesses to their ‘crime’ but she had a feeling Tsukasa wouldn’t like it.

She feels Tsukasa let go of the embrace she had.

She waits for Tsukasa to hop off before doing the same, placing the bike on one of the walls. She grabbed both their bags, checking that everything was alright before moving away. When she turns around she notices that Tsukasa’s face is slightly flushed “Tsukasa-chan, are you alright? I didn’t actually hurt you while we were on the bike right?”.

Rui didn’t know what she had done, was Tsukasa really uncomfortable that time? In trying to reassure her, she takes the star’s hands in hers “Tsukasa-chan…”.

Tsukasa gets even redder “HA HA I AM FINE!” but despite saying she was fine she was becoming jittery.

But Rui can’t question her further as their teammates come up behind them. Touya sighs in relief “There you two are, we were worried you two got caught up in something”.

“Like detention or the cops or the-” Akito starts listing before Touya lightly shoves her shoulder “Regardless of that please come with us, we have been delaying the mic check. And after that, you two still need to get changed”.

“We just missed the train that’s all! Because Rui had to grab her new prototype ha ha” Tsukasa nods to herself “But that doesn’t matter right now, we have a show to put on!”. She links Touya’s arm with hers as they make their way into the venue.

Akito gets her attention “So how did you get here Rui-senpai? Since you couldn’t catch the train”.

Rui smiles “We rode together on that bike other there and Tsukasa-chan, warm Tsukasa-chan, had to cling to me the entire time-”.

Akito fake gags “IT’S NOT JUNE ANYMORE”.

This just leaves Rui confused which in turn makes Akito confused “Do you not get what I am implying? Seriously? Also is that even your bike?”.

“Rui-senpai! Akito! Please hurry” they hear Touya shout so they decide to shelf their conversation for the time being.

The next moments the stage is set up and the last two members of fantasista squad get changed.

Rui still had more layers, she wore a short-sleeved jacket, fingerless gloves, among other things. While she and Akito wore more baggy pants, Touya and Tsukasa worse skirts with different layers on top of them like belts or in Tsukasa’s case some blue and yellow frilled fabric that extended from her left hip. In contrast to the frills Touya’s shirt was tattered at the end and her high socks had holes in them. Tsukasa was the only one not wearing some sort of hoodie as a part of her outfit.

In the darkness, the backstage offered she makes out new additions to their costumes: Akito had a new earring, something hanging off a chain, the same thing hanging from Touya’s necklace. She lets out a chuckle as Tsukasa poses in preparation.

Rui fidgets with the gloves on her hands as they await their turn, it was an event, not a contest but she felt drained already considering she forgot today was the date.

And then she’s on stage, acting and singing to her heart’s content, working together to create a performance where the audience’s attention is captured.

A powerful voice shines through everything else.

Tsukasa singing beside her, they’re both sweaty, the lights are blaring behind them, but instead of focusing on the crowd, Rui can only focus on her.

Her smile, her energy, her soft hands, just everything about her. She’s burning so brightly.

“I want to be the cause of this, I want to be the reason she smiles” .

The rush as the performance concludes and the exit of the stage isn’t new to her, but she still finds it so exciting. She can’t help but want to grasp the experiences she is being given, her ears are still ringing with the audience’s cheers. A performance with both a show and a song written by them, what could be better?

Once the event is over they all regroup before Akito announces she was going to walk Touya home. It made sense since the girl lived close by. Rui wishes them farewell before they both leave the venue, waving goodbye.

When Rui looks to her side she sees Tsukasa’s eyes beginning to droop. She smiles to herself “We both have to take the same train. So let me take you home, Tsukasa-chan”.

The blonde girl looks up and speaks “You don’t have to every time Rui…” but Rui dismisses it “I know, but I want to”.

Tsukasa doesn’t offer up any complaint after that, letting herself be guided by Rui to the station. She wraps her arm and hand around Rui’s and the purple-haired girl lets her.

Distantly Rui wonders if people would look at them like this and think they were a couple. But the thought was in the back of her mind, barely acknowledged.

When they arrive on the train they see that the surrounding area is empty, Rui guides Tsukasa to one of the many available seats. The thing that leaves Rui stumped is how Tsukasa doesn’t detach herself from the director.

Rui has been noticing the increase in touch recently. Whether it was a hug from her or a shoulder squeeze she gave after correcting her performance, both of them were guilty of it. She finds herself not as adverse to it as she would have in the past, though she suspects it might have to do with the fact she feels more comfortable in her own body, it may be because Tsukasa had warmed her way into her heart.

She didn’t fully know what she was feeling, what emotion this was. Her curiosity burned to know.

Tsukasa yawns, breaking the silence “This reminds me of the first time you walked me home, you used to be so shy back then. Now you’re only a troublemaker, waiting for me to catch you”.

Rui thinks for a moment, back to when she walked her home from their meetups, back when she had thought she’d never get a place like this, with someone by her side “Back then we were both different, I think you changed me for the better…”.

She feels Tsukasa nudge her side again “Give yourself some credit! I have just been lucky enough to be a part of your journey, your ending is determined solely by that”.

Rui finds herself blushing although she has no clue as to why. For some reason she wants to talk more about what she is thinking, after all, Tsukasa always encouraged her to do so.

“Tsukasa-chan… I don’t think I’ll be scared of the future of change if you’re next to me” she says and Tsukasa hums in agreement “Hmmm”. Rui chuckles to herself, she must be more tired than she had let on.

“All of our group too but I have to admit I have grown fonder and fonder of our time together. In the past I would have never believed I could have such a thing, be this happy” she continues “I think that the day we finally talked was the day my life turned around for the better, a day I was hopeful for the first time in a while. I can’t imagine a life without you and our friends but I feel like if we have to go our separate ways it would break my heart”.

“I was given the chance to change because of you, Tsukasa-chan, that it resulted in this selfishness to want to never let you go-”.

It hits her before she can speak another word.

“This feeling, how could I be so blind! I like her, I’ve fallen in love with Tsukasa-chan…!” .

Now she was panicking, she did stop talking in the middle of her sentence, it must be arousing some suspicion.

“Oh I um…Tsukasa-chan?” she hears light snoring while she started to talk again, Tsukasa’s eyes had fallen shut  “Oh she must have finally fallen asleep”.

This meant she now was stuck with her own feelings and frankly she had no idea what to think. She couldn’t help but think of the chance that she was in the wrong, how long had she unknowingly had these feelings?

She had to be blushing right now, suddenly thankful that Tsukasa was asleep. She looked so peaceful, the colors of the sunset complimenting her perfectly.

If she even dared to say anything, what would the reaction be? Would such a thing be reciprocated? Would Tsukasa think she was merely using her friendship this whole time, twisting into something she didn’t want?

She stops her thoughts to simply breathe and stare at the girl asleep on her shoulder.

“Fufu, you snore so energetically too” she whispers to herself, eyes unable to look away from her the star. She brings her serenity.

-----------------------------------------

Rui’s mind keeps wandering to her revelation from a few days ago. Even as she is trying to map out her stage plans on the rooftop. To her left sits Akito and Touya, she sees how Touya frowns slightly as Akito chugs her second energy drink this lunch.

She now recognizes a small feeling she had when looking at them: envy, although it was mostly overpowered by happiness for them. She wondered if that was what it looked like when Tsukasa doted on her.

The only difference was with Tsukasa, it was platonic.

She distinctly remembers Touya trying to tell them they got together, Tsukasa decided to tease her to which Akito promptly kissed her right in front of them. Tsukasa's jaw had dropped to the floor as Rui offered her congratulations.

Their relationships were different and from an outsider’s perspective. She had witnessed Akito and Touya’s growth from the time she had known them, even seeing how Touya had dropped honorifics with Akito.

She supposes that's how deep their trust runs in each other as partners.

“It’s too bad Tsukasa-senpai couldn’t join us today, it seems like the disciplinary committee meetings are becoming more and more spontaneous” Touya says, starting a discussion.

“As long as it doesn’t affect after-school practice” Akito replies and Rui nods in agreement “Fufu while she’s gone I can focus on honing your talents Daybreak Shinonome, Blue Willow Aoyagi…”.

She missed when Akito would have such a strong reaction to what she’d say, instead she blankly stares “Don’t call me that”.

What caught her off guard was the way Touya had begun looking at her, she tilted her head “Rui-senpai, is something troubling you?”.

Rui makes a small noise of confusion, not understanding what caused this line of questioning.

Akito dismisses her concern “Touya it's nothing, she’s probably just upset she can’t trade lunches with Tsukasa-senpai. Just look at all those greens in her sandwich”.

Rui becomes a little more conscious of how she had been picking off the crust from the baguette. But the vegetables have been touching the inside, so the vegetable juice had most likely spread.

She just couldn’t stand the taste, she couldn’t stand various other things.

“To tell the truth there is something troubling me, and it’s not just my lunch…” she starts “I simply realized some… confusing feelings of mine when I was coming back from one of our performances”.

Touya patiently waits for her to continue, Akito merely looks at them as she finishes her drink.

She figures she should just be straightforward “I think I’ve fallen in love with Tsukasa-chan”.

Touya’s eyes widen and Akito puts down her empty can.

It’s silent for a few beats.

Rui wasn’t sure what she was expecting but it definitely wasn’t Akito slowly clapping “Congratulations on being one of the last people to notice Rui-senpai, do you want a trophy?”.

“Akito-chan?!” she says.

Touya looks genuinely shocked “Huh, you and Tsukasa-senpai are not together? I thought you two were just shy about telling people…”.

She finally stutters “T-touya-chan you too?”.

Touya merely gives her a thumbs up, face back to its usual deadpan state “Yes, me too. It’s better to talk out your feelings so please rely on us!”. She learnt too much from Tsukasa’s methods but there was something funny about Touya trying to act like her.

“Talk about my feelings… for Tsukasa-chan?” she thinks out loud “Fufu I suppose that isn’t hard for someone like me”.

She doesn’t look up from her lap as she lets her mouth run, from Tsukasa’s words to her cute appearance to her determination, Rui couldn’t stop. To her, Tsukasa could outshine the sun. She talked about how she liked it when Tsukasa would put a hand on her chin when she was really thinking about something to how gentle her touch was when Rui let her test makeup on her.

It surely had gone past the point of mere admiration.

When she stops the rooftop feels too quiet.

Rui looks up again, she had been rambling hadn’t she? She can’t maintain any eye contact, unusual for her, choosing to instead stare at her hands, idly twiddling her thumbs.

She was so screwed, wasn’t she? How oblivious had she been if even her teammates knew before her? Or was she finally recognizing a feeling she surely had developed during their first year of highschool?

Akito's sigh breaks her train of thought “Rui-senpai, let’s trade”. Rui looks up from her lap, she sees her teammate holding out one of her katsu sando. The pork culets did look juicy so she wasted no time switching, giving Akito a questioning look.

The girl sighs “You look like a pathetic wet cat and while I am definitely not interested in your equally pathetic love life, you deserve a break”.

Rui smiles as she takes a bite “Mmmm, sho good!”.

Akito scoffs “Don’t get used to it… and don’t talk with your mouth full that’s fuckin’ gross!”.

Touya laughs at their exchange, catching Rui’s attention, “I personally think you and Tsukasa-senpai compliment each other. So it’s no surprise she caught your eye”.

“I like it when people recognize when partners like me and Akito or you and Tsukasa look out for each other. So I ask you to please be there by Tsukasa-senpai’s side, please continue to look after her.” Touya smiles before continuing to eat her rice, as if she wasn’t spouting such embarrassing things to her.

Rui can’t help but blush, sometimes she forgot how high Touya held Tsukasa up. She remembers her saying how she wanted to give back to Tsukasa. But what did Rui’s crush have to do with it?

She can’t help but laugh lightly “Touya-chan can be so forward, it seems Akito-chan has been influencing you”. Akito frowns “It’s a good influence, don’t twist the narrative. Touya has grown on her own”.

Rui nods along as she takes another bite. Touya smiles again before kissing Akito’s cheek “Hmm… I agree, thank you Akito”.

Akito grumbles in response out of embarrassment from being kissed by such a pretty girl “T-touya”. Akito doesn’t take any action to move away from Touya though.

Rui watches them banter and can’t help but compare that exchange to how she and Tsukasa sometimes acted. But this wasn’t a friendship thing.

She had accepted many changes in her life, ones she had done for herself and ones that had come from others. Yet she felt as if she wanted to make a change with someone else.

Not in with her shows, not in her identity, but something else. She supposed she wanted to take a step forward.

“Fufu, to think someone like me would want to confess to someone as bright as her. What a strange turn of events”.

Chapter Text

Rui was in her garage, tinkering with the scraps on her workbench. She was trying to be focused but her mind kept drifting. However, her thoughts weren’t fully focused on herself or her inventions.

It was a week before her graduation, a day Rui genuinely thought she wouldn’t ever see. Not that she didn’t trust her grades but more about other things. Motivation could be one of them, she wasn’t too sure anymore but she decided not to dwell on it.

Things were looking up for her, she was part of a successful group that brought smiles to many people and she had friends. She felt more comfortable in her body than she had felt in middle school and she didn’t want to gag when she saw herself in the mirror.

Her finals were over, the other requirements had been declared as passing. She could still remember how Tsukasa had hugged her so tightly when they had finished the final exam. It was strange to think someone she met by chance in her last year of middle school would be by her side in her last year of high school.

And now she was planning to confess to her, she just didn’t know how to. She obviously had no experience and the only knowledge she had of it was from dramas and TV shows, even then it wasn’t the popular ones. So first she had to figure out where to take her, planning always seemed more logical to her. Going to people she knew would help her, right?

She had first gone to Mizuki who had suggested to do something casual, something safe, since it was the first time.

“What about a movie? And not a show because when you two watch you’ll psychoanalyze it as a reference. C’mon think of any movie coming out this year-“

“Bendy…”.

“THAT’S TOO FAR AWAY RUI!”.

Ultimately the both of them couldn’t agree on something concrete so Rui had moved on to Akito, someone who was actually in a relationship. She thought maybe she could approach it by suggesting her own ideas but it only left Akito more confused.

Akito didn’t know how to help her properly.

“I wouldn’t know exactly what Tsukasa-senpai would go for since I wouldn’t be caught dead dating her. And clearly she has a thing for crazy people”.

“...She likes someone else?”.

“You know what, forget I said anything”.

She then suggested to think and talk about Tsukasa, surprising for her, so she could brainstorm ideas. She suggested doing it from the start. By then Rui had started rambling about the neurotransmitters in a timeline like oxytocin and dopamine, much to Akito’s ongoing confusion.

“Haven't you learned about it, you take biology don’t you?”.

“Bullshit, that stuffs rooted in psychology. I don’t take that class”.

“… Do you want to learn about it?”.

“Didn’t you ask me for dating advice Rui-senpai?”.

After that conversation went completely off-topic she had gone to the person she should have probably consulted first; Touya. Someone who was more level-headed and someone who had mostly likely read multiple romance mystery novels.

“What about an aquarium? Tsukasa-senpai has always liked fish and would enthusiastically tell me about her trips there”.

In that moment she couldn’t help but think “Touya-chan is the one who probably organizes most of their dates, isn’t she?” .

That was the best suggestion yet, considering she didn’t even get any from Akito. Tsukasa did own various clothes that had fish embroidered on them, even if it was small. The star also really enjoyed that one time they got to perform on the beach, practically dragging Rui into the water when she saw those common small black fish.

The splash Tsukasa made had driven them away, much to Tsukasa’s disappointment. Rui was grateful they were both wearing shorts otherwise they would have had wet clothes.

“Touya-chan, does she happen to like moon jellyfish?”

“To quote what Akito would say, “go find out yourself”. I’d rather Tsukasa-senpai be the one to inform you”.

Just the thought of Tsukasa infodumping about the aquarium inhabitants, especially about a sea creature Rui was partial to, made her want to lie down on her couch and kick her feet in the air.

Her hand hides the growing blush on her face despite the fact she was alone in the workshop, how far gone did she have to be to daydream about going on a date with her crush?

But before she could even take her out she’d have to get the courage to ask her out.

“And well, Tsukasa-chan deserves a confession worthy of a star” she thinks helplessly, getting back to tinkering on her smoke machine “ Something with a big bang before I say those words ”.

Perhaps she wasn’t as afraid as she would have been at the prospect all those years ago.

There was still a nagging thought about how Tsukasa could reject her, an irritating thought that it wouldn’t be because of unrequited love but because of who she was.

She shouldn’t doubt Tsukasa, maybe she should sleep off the nerves. She was still used to doing that.

-----------------------------------------

The day before the graduation, the school gives Rui’s year group free time for the last period. Rui is waiting on the third floor in the only hallway with no classes, all the other years were still in lessons. She isn’t sure why they do it but she appreciated it nonetheless.

It gave her the few minutes she needed to make sure everything was in place from where she had set it up in the morning.

She looks out the window to the empty courtyard, she holds onto a red button in her hand. She had finally figured out how to get her feelings across. Her gaze stays focused on the courtyard, she used to stare at one just like this back then.

She felt different now compared to back then, a plan like this may have been inconceivable to her before, but she had assurance. She felt like this going to embarrass both her and Tsukasa but she found herself not having any qualms about it.

It wasn’t anything new. While she is sure she and Tsukasa did their fair share of embarrassing stunts in class, she couldn’t deny their classmates had their own moments “ As if drinking juice from your ex-girlfriend’s shoe in front of the class was going to get you guys back together–” .

“RUI!” is what snaps her out of her trance, seeing Tsukasa run up to her side “What are you looking at?”.

Ah, that was right, she had called Tsukasa to meet with her.

Alone.

Her heart sped up at the thought.

“Nothing in particular, I was simply just waiting for my star to show up. How cruel of you to keep your director waiting” she replies, taking note of how Tsukasa reacts to being called her star.

She pulls out a button from her cardigan, comically red that leaves Tsukasa slightly on guard “What are you planning…?”. Rui tosses her the button, she catches it thanks to her reflexes and insects it “What is this connected to, don’t tell me you’re planning to create explosions right before we graduate?!”.

“Hmm” she pretends to think about it “I have something else in mind, are you willing to hear me out before pressing it?”. Tsukasa nods, waiting for her.

“We’ve known each other a long time, we’ve performed with each other for a long time too. When I stand next to you on stage, I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be” she smiles “Just like the stage I’ve set up for today”.

She wonders what Tsukasa is thinking “Moments like the ones we’ve had are the ones I’ve come to cherish the most, even when we got dubbed as weirdos together, it hasn’t been so bad”.

She lets herself talk, some stuff she had said when Tsukasa had dozed off on the train, but not for too long. Tsukasa’s face slowly grows into something expectant as she listens to her words, had she already figured out where she was going?

Well, she thinks most people would assume she is trying to confess in her own roundabout way.

When she finishes her eyes fall down to the button, Tsukasa just stands there so she figures she should take the initiative.

Rui takes Tsukasa’s hand and pushes the button. For a second Tsukasa feels nervous because she doesn’t know what’s going to happen. She hears a few popping sounds coming from outside, she shoots her a questioning glance. All Rui does is point to the window and that’s when Tsukasa sees it.

The brightly colored paper slowly drifts down and she leans over the window to see even more downstairs. She gasps in surprise, eyes glued to what was happening “Rui, what’s all this for?”. She can hear many students rushing to the windows of their own classrooms to see what’s happening.

This may seem like an unconventional way to confess, say some words from the heart and put on what she referred to as her ‘big final act’. They were going to be going into a new chapter of their lives, surely a celebration was in order for that “ And for something else too, depending on her answer ”.

She may have put too much but Tsukasa’s expression was worth it.

“Tsukasa-chan” she says, diverting her attention away from the window and to Rui. Rui smiles before revealing the hand behind her back, flinging confetti in the air, reminiscent of what she did in her middle school gigs. Reminiscent to what had left Tsukasa in awe back then like she was now. 

A few strands fell onto both of them, leaving them splashed with a few bits of new colors, they surely looked messy but that wasn’t what mattered.

“Tsukasa-chan, I really like you. I don’t want to part with you once we graduate”.

She finally says it, Tsukasa’s eyes look straight at Rui. The fact Rui was the one to confess means she is reaching out, she is taking hold of the first hand Tsukasa offered her at her lowest and she gives her other for Tsukasa to now take hold of.

Tsukasa’s face breaks out into a soft smile, would that fits the pink that dusted her face. It’s the smile adores, the smile she wants to greet her every day, perhaps every morning but she was getting ahead of herself. Her smile isn’t quick, she isn’t trying to hide it from her, instead, it’s like she is trying to show her affection.

The button fell from her hands.

“Me too… Rui…” the words are what she hears in her dreams.

Distantly she hears someone yell “KAMISHIRO!!!” but she doesn’t really care right now, instead she takes Tsukasa’s hand “Follow me Tsukasa-chan~”. Tsukasa was so stunned by Rui’s previous words that she let herself be brought along.

She guides Tsukasa to the back of the school, behind the bushes, a special place only those on the gardening committee like herself would know. Although she can’t guarantee someone would rat her out.

Tsukasa leans on Rui as they wait for any more commotion to die down from the initial shock. Rui couldn’t get Tsukasa’s expression, her smile, out of her mind.

She sees Tsukasa pouting, Rui asks her why.

“You can’t just confess to me like that before having us run away from the teachers” she says, not fully revealing her thoughts, “I sometimes can’t keep up with you Rui. I had no idea what was happening”. She doesn’t seem opposed to whatever just happened though.

The bell goes off, signaling that the school day is over, but neither of them moves.

Tsukasa continues speaking “I wish I had the courage to confess first, I’ve been thinking about it for longer than I’d like to admit”.

Rui smirks, looking down at her “Fufu~ and for how long have you liked little ol’ me?”.

“Since first year” she immediately replies, leaving Rui’s blush to only grow.

Tsukasa now smirks at her reaction “Rui, do you want to make things fair? Since you stole that confession away from me?”.

Rui tilts her head “I didn’t steal anything from you, that’s a bold assumption to make”. She nearly gulps as she sees Tsukasa getting closer, the girl’s hands coming to rest on her shoulders “I can’t say I am not intrigued though, care to explain how you would make it fair?”.

Tsukasa’s response comes in the form of her lips pressing against Rui’s, her surprised gasp muffled in the process. If she ‘stole’ her confession from Tsukasa then her star is stealing her first kiss.

It didn’t even last for more than a few seconds and Tsukasa’s actions seemed to have caught up to her now too, maybe she had just been acting on the urge to kiss her. She hides her face in the junction of Rui’s shoulder and Rui is sure both their faces have fierce blushes on them, but she finds she doesn’t care. Maybe she should just enjoy the new sensation, Tsukasa was the perfect height to tuck herself under her chin.

She decides to say something “Sorry for the lack of chest to lean on, fufu”.

She feels Tsukasa lightly slap her shoulder “Don’t ruin the moment, I’ll shut you up”. Rui grins as they lean in again.

Who knew her lips would be this soft? Tsukasa’s lips also tasted like the chapstick she saw her use. She should have known Tsukasa’s chapstick was flavored like strawberries, it was certainly on brand for her and she wasn’t complaining. It only made her a little self-conscious about her own, maybe she’d have to steal her chapstick more often. But like her, Tsukasa wasn’t complaining, only bringing her closer.

She giddily wonders that if she had confessed sooner, had realized sooner, would they have kissed each other stupid in empty classrooms or on the rooftop? They still hadn’t labeled anything yet but she’d like to be her girlfriend, liked to stay like this.

They are so absorbed in their own world that they don’t even register the bushes being pushed apart until they hear “Oh my goodness…!” and “Ewww senpais ewww”.

Turns out despite the teachers being fooled by her plan, her teammates knew better. She expected that much “Fufu, already figured us out?”. Akito gives her a deadpan stare while Touya looks like she doesn’t know if she should be embarrassed for them or for being a witness to catching them.

Tsukasa immediately pushes Rui away, muttering something about being undignified in front of her kouhais. Rui pouts “Tsukasa-chan, are you that embarrassed by me?”.

“Tsukasa-senpai no need to try and save yourself, Rui-senpai has literally rambled about you in front of us.” she switches tone to something higher pitched, to mock her, “Did you guys see what Tsukasa-chan did today? Look at how well Tsukasa-chan is performing this stunt! Isn’t Tsukasa-chan looking especially pretty in that dress?”.

Rui hides her face away from Tsukasa before she can question her. That doesn’t stop Tsukasa from leaning closer to Rui and poking her director’s cheek, trying to get her to confirm if Akito’s teasing remark was true or not.

Touya saves her from her fate when she changes the subject, asking Akito if she has even touched the homework they had due tomorrow. Akito doesn’t say another word as all of them wait till the coast is clear.

Eventually, Rui gives the go-ahead to leave, surely the teachers had given up on finding her and by extension Tsukasa. She briefly wonders how many teachers would be relieved that they wouldn’t have to deal with her anymore.

Tsukasa still decides to check the surrounding area, sticking her head through the bush. Akito uses this time to ask her a question “Say Rui-senpai, why today of all days?”.

The purple-haired girl smiles “Fufu because they can’t give us detention tomorrow”.

Tsukasa snaps her head around to glare at her “Rui! You-”.

Touya nods “That does make sense Rui-senpai, of course you’d plan ahead like this. Just like in our performances”.

Tsukasa shakes her head “Don’t encourage her, Touya!”.

Akito sighs “Still it's a no-brainer, the school will be quiet with you two and your stunts finally gone”.

Rui laughs, figuring that she must be referring to the time Rui’s ‘stunts’ had landed all four of them in detention. Akito had sworn that she and Touya would never be involved with such things on the school grounds ever again, Touya had seemed a bit disheartened at the statement though.

She distantly wonders if graduating will be all that it's chalked up to be. But she isn’t as scared as she thought she’d be.

Too bad Rui and Tsukasa had to run out of campus because a teacher had caught sight of them retrieving their school bags. Tsukasa, despite scolding her, laughs when they are outside campus.

And yet even while she was trying to catch her breath, hunched over, wiping the sweat off her brow, Rui couldn’t help but think “ She’s so beautiful ”.

-----------------------------------------

When the graduation ceremony is over she easily slips her hand into Tsukasa’s, they act as if they had been together for years, it’s almost natural. Both of them had cheered for each other when receiving their diplomas. They were not supposed to.

But when had they ever cared about silly rules like those ones?

After, they had met with Akito and Touya first. Although they would still be seeing each other after graduating, she supposes the normalcy they once had was not going to be there anymore.

There were a lot more tears on this day than she had thought. Even if for some it was only a few tears in the corners.

Touya couldn’t resist hugging Tsukasa while Akito put one of her hands out to which Rui fist bumps in return.

“You’ll have more time now, you better not start slacking” she says and Rui smiles in response “Wouldn’t dream of it, Akito-chan”.

Because they would still meet up, they would still plan their next performances, they would still bring smiles to many new people. She never wanted to stop, how greedy of her.

Tsukasa pulls her away when the conversation is done and Rui is surprised to see both their mothers talking to each other. Tsukasa smiles at her before walking up to the two women.

Rui sees her mother have a knowing look when she sees their joined hands, but more importantly, her mother looks happy for her.

Rui couldn’t deny it, especially when she saw Tsukasa enthusiastically introduce herself to her mother, she was happy. She greets Tsukasa’s mother and introduces herself to a person who had just shown up, Tsukasa’s brother Saki.

She watches the boy send a wink to his sister. If she had to guess, he had known about Tsukasa’s crush on her. She laughs at Tsukasa’s new blush.

Their hands were still together, squeezing every now and then as they talked to their families. Tsukasa’s hands were more taken care of, she assumes from her years of piano, while her own are rougher and more scared. She doesn’t mind the feeling of their hands against each other.

In the past she thought she had known everything the world had to offer, stuck in her own grim reality, but she didn’t want to be constricted anymore. One step at a time, slowly letting go of fears that now seemed somewhat irrational. She knew realistically they’d still be there, but with the people she knew, the people who had stuck by her despite her quirks, she thinks she’ll be fine.

This was her story after all and she thinks she is beginning to fully accept it.

Chapter Text

The afternoon is quiet, the sun casting its rays on all those encased by its light.

Rui is waiting on the platform for a train, around her there are only a few others that occupy the space. She thinks about various topics as she waits, like how it has been a few months since she graduated high school.

In those months she had to readjust. She felt like she had finally settled into her new routine but she hadn’t fully moved on from her life before graduating. If she had she wouldn't still be practicing with fantasista squad, if she had she would still be on her lonesome somewhere, if she had she wouldn’t still have such insecure thoughts.

That’s why she wanted a break. She had been busy sorting out some work for her course so she hadn’t been able to meet up with the group for nearly two weeks, much to her dismay. She was relieved that she was free today otherwise she really would have considered bunking.

But she feels foggy in the back of her mind.

She fiddles with her bag strap, trying to distract herself. She fails to do so and only snaps out of her head once she feels a firm touch on her shoulder.

When she looks to her side she sees the hand belongs to one of her group members: Akito. The girl she had met in her second year had grown taller and had decided to grow her hair out in a mullet. She offers her a greeting before standing properly next to her.

Her outfit was just a plain t-shirt, gray and orange, along with some baggy shorts that reached her knees. She spouted the same chain earring she always had and her hands were cradling a volleyball.

Although Rui knows she’d never knowingly admit it Akito did look happier now than she did back then, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders recently. Both Akito and Touya had started their last year of highschool, meaning that they hadn’t reached the point where they’d need to rigorously study whenever they got free time yet. She thinks they should enjoy themselves in their youth while they still can.

Touya had been the next person to arrive at the station. She waved to the two of them before coming over. She wore a white skirt and shoes, along with a black shirt with red accents like the small ribbon on its front. But the most notable thing to see was Touya’s new haircut. Her hair was still straight but had been cut to just above her shoulders, her sidelocks were about the length of her cheeks and were accompanied by fringe on the front. She looked pretty and Rui told her as much.

She smiles “Thank you Rui-senpai”. It was still weird to Rui to be referred to as ‘senpai’ despite graduating but it seemed that both Akito and Touya either didn’t care or thought it still fit her and Tsukasa.

She strikes up a conversation about their starting school days. This stops Akito from asking her girlfriend about the small cooler box she had brought along.

Finally a shout followed by fast-approaching footsteps announced Tsukasa’s arrival.

In comparison to her plain outfit, Tsukasa was wearing a white sundress with sleeves because she “had to dress right for the occasion!”. Her hair had been tied up into a bun and she still had her tote bag with her, although it looked fuller than usual.

Rui’s outfit was something she wore because it was comfy. A long dark grey skirt along with a heavily decorated shirt with blue, brown, and yellow shapes plus lines.

Tsukasa’s hand easily slips into hers “Come on, that’s our train!”, she gestures to everyone else to follow. 

In the next moments pass by quickly. They take the train out of where they lived to a different ward but truthfully Rui doesn’t pay attention to the names. While traveling Rui finds out the spot they're going to was somewhere Tsukasa frequented before she moved to Shibuya.

A bonus was that apparently it was secluded, people barely knew of its existence, and that made it more likely it would just be them.

That's what she thinks about as she stands in front of the mirror, the beach area had a bathroom for them to change in. The only person who didn’t need to was Tsukasa, who was making a setup. Since her dress wasn’t transparent like in nature, she simply had worn her swimsuit underneath.

Regardless that didn’t matter right now, she wasn’t looking at Tsukasa, she was looking at herself.

The bikini top she was wearing had straps on both her shoulders although one kept on threatening to fall off, probably due to her chest, and the front of the top had a small keyhole front tie, it looked like a ribbon. Most of her front was covered above her belly button. The top was purple aside from the straps and tie being a darker yellow. Tsukasa had told her that the type of top was cute so she had looked for it specifically, but now she was wondering if she should have just bought a wet shirt and called it a day. Still, she wanted to wear it so she adjusted the straps to keep them in place.

She hadn’t been fully brave though, opting to go with black swim shorts, although the length would probably make them more trunks than shorts.

When she looked in the mirror it was strange yet fascinating. When she had begun trying to find a more feminine style to suit her she was covering most of her skin, covering most of what might make her look more masculine. 

She wanted to be more feminine, she had grown to be, she had defined herself to be.

“So why?” she thinks.

Realistically she knows she has nothing to worry about but that doesn’t calm her nerves. So she keeps them in the back of her mind as she steadies herself.

When she steps out onto the sand the first thing she hears is  “You’re as pale as a vampire”.

Akito stands with her arms crossed, clearly not used to the swimsuit she was wearing although it wasn’t much different than Rui’s.

She wore a bikini top that covered most of her upper body, only allowing frills at the top of her arms, her shoulders were exposed. The bottom of the top was cut above her belly button with small frills, the majority was red while the frills were white, the same could be applied to her trunks. Rui wonders if she chose to wear them for the same reason as her. The difference was that Akito’s had a white flower cloud pattern on a darker red, like the ones in the sky from that one cartoon she can’t remember the name of. She had a gray coverup jacket too that was falling down her arms.

“Flowers? On such a grumpy girl?” Rui smirks and Akito grumbles “Touya is the one that picked it out so be quiet”. She now recalls how Touya had said that she and Akito were going to go swimsuit shopping since they both didn’t own any. Akito didn’t because she never bothered and Touya didn’t because she hadn’t swam for years, swimming for school didn’t count since the standard one was used.

They both don’t move so she opts to look to where Tsukasa had set up stuff. Somehow her star had managed to procure a pretty good beach cover and had already set it up. Underneath she had laid out four towels and propped up her tote bag against one of the poles, the cooler box was on what she presumed was Touya’s towel. She was glad it wasn’t so windy today.

However, she soon shifts her attention from the setup to Tsukasa herself. The star had taken off her sun dress to reveal her swimsuit. She smiles at the fact that her swimsuit is blue, light and dark, remembering that Tsukasa had told her she wears the color because she thought blue had a cool image. Tsukasa’s bikini top straps were tied around her neck and the top was adorned with white frills. The bottom had frills on the waist as well.

She looked gorgeous.

And for some reason, it was then replaced with a different feeling. Jealously was a childish and petty feeling that never benefited anyone. The thoughts she had before come up again, she knows its irrational but she wished her figure was like Tsukasa’s.

She wished she had her curves, she wished her shoulders weren’t as broad, she wished she… she…

She feels her fingers sink into her crossed arms, why was she so self-deprecating all of a sudden? Why did it have to happen today of all days?

“Oi, what’s got you quiet suddenly? You didn’t bring something to blow up here… did you?” Akito asks, yanking her out of her thoughts. When she doesn’t respond Akito grimaces “Holy shit you did! Come on, think of how upset Tsukasa-senpai will be-”, Rui cuts her off by shaking her head.

She didn’t want Akito to know what she was truly thinking, she didn’t want to add on to her own problems, although she was merely under the assumption Akito was dealing with similar thoughts. Instead, she makes a big show of looking at one specific part of Tsukasa before looking down at what she lacks.

“I feel like a failure of a woman” she sighs and Akito simply stares at her. Her eyes look at Tsukasa before looking back at Rui. Rui’s head is still titled downward and it clicks in Akito’s head “I think I get it”.

“Get what? What are you talking about?” Touya suddenly appears behind them and before Akito can say it wasn’t anything Rui whines “I’m flat Touya-chan, this is a crime!”.

“There is nothing wrong with that Rui-senpai, every woman is built differently” she tries to reassure her but Rui still only feels envy.

At least she wasn’t insanely jealous “I’m not the only one who was looking at Tsukasa chan’s b-“

“No Rui-senpai, don’t try to rope me into this!” Akito cuts her off while Touya merely laughs, shoulders slightly shaking.

Unbeknownst to the two of them, Akito thinks “How did I end up here again? ”.

She hears Tsukasa call out Touya’s name and said girl immediately responds back. Now Rui can get a proper look at Touya as she begins making her way to Tsukasa.

Touya’s bikini top was a tiered layer one and halfway up the straps on her shoulders were connected with golden rings. The color was dark blue and she wore a bikini skirt that matched. To finish it off she also wore a coverup jacket although hers was white and a bit more transparent.  It’s like she was trying to match with her partner, scratch that she obviously was.

She looks to the side and spots the new blush on Akito’s cheeks, she smirks “Oh my Akito-chan, so shamelessly thinking about your girlfriend’s beauty?”.

Akito begins to walk to the other two as she mutters “There’s nothin’ shameless about it, you were doing the same thing earlier weirdo".

Rui blinks as she realizes she is being left behind before she runs up to join the group.

Almost immediately she was handed sunblock “Here Rui! As your girlfriend and leader I will not let you get burnt to a crisp”. She awkwardly laughs before applying to her face and arms.

When she is done with everything else Tsukasa decides the next moment that she wants to go in the water, properly this time since their last performance by the sea they weren’t prepared. She eagerly grabs her girlfriend’s hand and drags Rui along “Wait a second Tsukasa-chan!?”.

Tsukasa lets go as the sea engulfs Rui’s feet, she pushes against the small waves and effectively splashes seawater everywhere. She runs till the water is up to her waist as Rui breathes in the salty air.

Rui turns around to see Akito ensuring Touya had enough shade, which the cover provided more than enough, she hears the call of her name.

She her head back around to show that she was listening, Tsukasa continues to speak “I fear this may be as far as we go, any further and my hair will get wet”.

Rui waits for a clarification “There’s a reason it's so high up, my hair is thick so if I got it wet it’d be a pain to unknot, among other tedious things”.

“Hey Tsukasa?” Rui asks.

Tsukasa tilts her head in confusion.

Rui proceeds to dip her hands in the water and create a wave large enough to soak Tsukasa’s entire body and make her scream “RUI COME ON!”.

Tsukasa rubbed her closed eyes, thankful for her quick reaction when Rui had flung the water, she grumbled out Rui’s name much to the other’s amusement. Her hair which was once done so neatly was now dripping wet, making her blow a stray piece of her off her face.

“Fufu problem solved~ Care to join me?” Rui grins, watching as Tsukasa moves her bangs out of her face and takes the hair tie out of her hair, letting her hair fall over her shoulders.

Rui begins to move further, but not too far, until she can push herself off the ground and float. Tsukasa swims to join her, obviously not having the choice to put her feet on the ground or not as she couldn’t reach. Tsukasa was shorter than her, although not more than 10cm, Tsukasa was at 173 while Rui was at 182.

Sometimes Rui wondered if the fact she was so tall threw people off and started questioning if she was a girl or not.

Tsukasa’s voice cuts through the questioning on her mind “Rui, is there something on your mind? You’ve been more fidgety since you joined me in the water”. She lifts herself from a lying down position to if she were standing upright.

Rui can’t help but want to sink in the water, let it encase her body so she wouldn’t have to see it or let others see it. It felt dumb, only her close friends and her girlfriend could see her, so what was she afraid of?

Tsukasa notices her brief hesitation. “You can talk to me! We’re far away from anybody else so lay out your troubles!” she confidently says, Rui decides to plant her feet on the underwater floor.

Tsukasa floats toward her, still unable to touch the floor herself “I could just listen if that’s what you want, I won’t try to solve it if all you need is someone to lend their ear”. She squeezes Rui’s shoulder to comfort her but Rui moves fast and makes it so Tsukasa’s arms are hooked around her neck. Rui’s own arms float around Tsukasa’s waist, the water making both of them weightless.

Before Tsukasa can question her she says “So you don’t drift away while I’m talking, hehe”.

Tsukasa gives her a deadpan look and Rui only chuckles before turning her gaze away from Tsukasa.

“It’s silly really, I’ve just been thinking about my uh… looks again. The clothes and swimsuits I think look pretty don’t work with my body, even the ones I am wearing currently. For some reason I feel uneasy again, almost insecure” she starts off “You’re beautiful Tsukasa, I’ve known since I first saw you in the crowd. And ultimately that’s what I'm jealous of. I wish my body was more like yours…”.

“More like a girl’s ” gets left unspoken.

Rui mutters a few other sentences before she is silent. Tsukasa thinks for a moment before speaking “You’ll have to forgive me but that still surprises me… because Rui, you’re beautiful too even if you can’t quite see it yet”. 

“I still think my own body is imperfect and that its flaws have only grown as I’ve grown. I’ve only had the confidence to worry less about it from the support I’ve gotten. If you told the me from back then I’d be wearing the style I wear now I would have thought you were lying” she admits before she continues speaking “If I shine, you shine. If you don’t believe me that’s okay, we can take it step by step. You don’t have to accept everything about yourself right away, it takes time, something both you and I know well”.

Rui finally looks back at Tsukasa, Tsukasa and her beaming smile.

“Rui, if you wanna talk about it later I’ll listen, I meant what I said earlier. Just like how I’ll come to you!” she concludes.

A promise of going clothes shopping later remains unspoken.

“Mhm” Rui smiles and agrees. Perhaps where they were wasn’t the best place but she still appreciated Tsukasa’s words nonetheless. They both go quiet, enjoying each other’s presence, at least until Rui’s hands slowly begin to tickle Tsukasa’s sides.

She drops one of her arms to swat Rui’s away under the water “Keep doing that and you won’t get your part of my surprise!”.

Just like that the atmosphere becomes lighter again.

Rui’s fingers stop their ministrations, her interest piqued “Oya? Whatever are you talking about Tsukasa-chan?”.

“Do you remember the cooler box Touya brought with? I asked her to get something before going to the station. Hehe as expected of me to think of such wonder” she happily says to which Rui replies with “So would it be Touya-chan’s surprise because she bought it?”.

Tsukasa pauses for a second before confidently declaring “No!”.

Rui suddenly gets an idea, face growing sly “Oh? You doubt my deduction?”.

Tsukasa nods “I am! I was the one who told her-”.

She doesn’t finish her sentence as Rui moves her hands out of the water to Tsukasa’s head, and successfully dunks her under. She just thought the idea would be funny.

“RUI!” Tsukasa yells when she resurfaces but before Rui can laugh Tsukasa places both hands on top of her head and pushes her under.

When Rui resurfaces she hears Tsukasa’s laughter, a delightful sound to her ears. And she laughs along with her.

-----------------------------------------

Rui, ever the dramatic one, had carried Tsukasa out of the water despite her star’s surprised shrieking. Albeit she didn’t make it very far once her feet were on the sand but she got a flustered reaction out of Tsukasa so it was worth it.

Her girlfriend had dried and fixed her hair, while Rui had barely dried her own, she seemed satisfied with her appearance again.

And then Akito had challenged them to a volleyball match as per Touya’s suggestion, said girl had been making lines in the sand to resemble a court. Tsukasa had agreed almost instantly and claimed Rui was on her team. Akito had no objections and simply walked over to join her girlfriend on their side of the makeshift court.

Rui, despite being exposed to it quite often, doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to the competitive spirit her team members could easily manifest.

“You’re going down Bad Dogs! As we, the Pegasus Performers, are at the top of our game!”.

“In your dreams, Weirdo Wombo Combo”.

“Fufu, let’s see if the performance training has improved your abilities Touya-chan~”.

“Ah I see. Then keep your eyes on me, Rui-senpai”.

At the end Tsukasa had failed to block, giving the match point to their juniors, not that Rui minded. Akito and Touya had immediately high-fived each other before teasing Tsukasa about what she had said so confidently before they played.

The best part of that exchange had been that while Akito was soaking in her and Touya’s victory she had fallen face-first into the sand, right onto a crab. She had screamed and stood up, now accompanied by a blue pincer and beady eyes in her hair.

To say Akito looked more upset about the fact that Touya had to suppress a laugh at her expense rather than the fact she had to take a crab out of her hair said a lot.

Touya had been laughing more freely with them, Tsukasa had commented on it near the end of their second year. The fact Touya could express herself like this was a welcomed novelty in itself.

After that all four of them had entered the water, Rui had pushed Akito who dragged her down with her. Touya had pushed Tsukasa in while they were play fighting with the water, in her shock Tsukasa had grabbed her arm and made her join her in the sea.

It felt childish, it felt fun.

Unfortunately, the time to leave only got closer and closer much to Rui’s disappointment. Having noticed this Tsukasa announced “Alright then, Fantasista Squad! Before we depart I implore any of you to look in the cooler box!”.

Akito deadpans “What did you put in there Tsukasa-senpai?”.

Tsukasa’s response is to shove Akito from her spot on the towel to the mystery box, well it was only a mystery to Rui and Akito but still.

When Akito opens the cooler box she sees ice cream, the soft serve in a cup type. Rui peers over her shoulder and sees it too, gasping in delight. “So this was the surprise Tsukasa had mentioned ” she thinks as she grabs the one closest to her.

Tsukasa takes it from her hand before she can even blink “First pick goes to me!”. Rui only laughed at the arrogant remark before taking the last one in the box, Akito and Touya already digging into theirs.

She takes her own bite, savoring the sweet taste of vanilla and chocolate, savoring the atmosphere around her, savoring everything really. Rui lets herself lean into Tsukasa’s side as she begins lightheartedly bickering with Akito about something she didn’t catch, too absorbed in her own feelings and her star’s warmth.

To say Rui did feel like herself would be merely scratching the surface.

To say Rui felt like herself thanks to those around her and thanks to her acceptance of herself would be much better.