Work Text:
જ⁀➴
💌
~
Maybe hatin' you's the only way it doesn't hurt
So I'm gonna hate you
I'm gonna hate you
Paint you like the villain that you never were
I'm gonna blame you
For things that you don't do
Hatin' you's the only way it doesn't hurt
~
જ⁀➴
💌
I still have the bunny you gifted me. Along with the other plushies, they adorn where I sleep. A possessed hand reaches out to one of them occasionally to curl up with and drift away. But it still hurts too much. Hurts because I'd much rather have you instead.
I wonder if you think about me? Do you still hover over my contact name…am I still even saved there? You are, you and that pink heart. The heart we giggled over me adding. From time to time I do more than hover. I click in, scroll, and scroll. Smiling fondly at our conversations, flushing at the explicit exchanges…wipe away a tear, and search for where it all went wrong.
I recognize it was my fault…and now recognize how you bled and stained certain things in my life. I can never look at Bunnies the same way. It sparks a yearning I never recover from.
So. I hate you. It's unfair. Unjust. But I have to hate you, or else I'm going to drown. It's the only way it doesn't hurt… I know it was me. My issues. I was the one who turned you down like an idiot who was scared. I know I hurt you, and I hate myself every day for it. But I love you. And I'm sorry. I know you've moved on. So for my selfish sake. I hate you.
~
Here we go again
Everything is fine
I guess we could pretend
We didn't cross a line
But ever since that day
Everything has changed
Whatever you decide
I will understand
And it will all be fine
Just go back to being friends
~
My treacherous mind likes to entertain the fleeting thoughts of you. I know we didn't work out, but what if we stayed friends? What if we lived closer? What if I was better and treated you the way I should've?
You slip into my daydreams. You slip into the sad songs I listen to. You plague my mind from time to time. And I miss you. Our silly conversations, or little check-ins. I hope you're doing fine…
I may have broken my own heart, and am still selfish enough to yearn for you. Maybe in another lifetime, I'm just glad you're happy. Don't worry about me. I'll let people use me the same way I wronged you.
Farewell Bunny
Love, Jisung
જ⁀➴
💌
Jisung let out a shaky breath in the desolate apartment. Putting his pen down and letting his fingertips trace over the last words. Relishing in the sound of paper. He looked around at the two boxes…barely flinching as Felix opened their front door, “Come on Sungie, Chan's here.” He stared at the paper, “Comin.”
~
Minho looked up from his phone, putting that and his iced americano down. Smiling at Chan, Chan in turn, huffed and sat, ruffling his hair, “Long day at work or something hyung?” he asked, Chan sighed, “No…um I spent all day helping Jisung move.” Minho blinked, feeling his heart drop from his body. “What? Jisung? Move where? Here?” He spit-fired questions, Chan shook his head, sliding him a folded piece of paper that had a bunny sticker sealing it. “He moved from Lix's apartment, putting his things in storage and I just dropped him off at the airport…” Minho sat up more, “What the hell do you mean from Felix's apartment? He was here?”
Chan nodded, nervously playing with his hands. “He moved here after you two...broke off. And since then lived there for school…but he dropped out is moving back home…” Minho felt his breathing pick up…Jisung was here? Jisung was in Malaysia, and has always been in Malaysia. They dreamed of him moving out here so they could pursue something…but it never worked out… so what the fuck…t-they grew apart, both busy with work...and he got a boyfriend because he truly didn't think he and Jisung would have worked long distance but- he was here? “Read the letter Min…” Minho flinched and fumbled with the paper, gently tearing it open and reading…feeling his whole world crumble…
“He went to surprise meet you after work..but he saw you with Yeongil…” Chan further explained…but Minho wasn’t listening anymore..his mind spiraling.
~
He giggled as he typed out a response back to Jisung saying…he too, really likes him…They both tried calling each other, a giggling mess when Jisung finally chilled out and accepted his call, smiling wide at each other from their beds hours away from one another…
~
And he had never been happier…w-where did it all go wrong…?
He rushed for his phone, fumbling for his buried number, “Min…he won’t answer, he’s on the plane…” “Fuck off…h-he has to..he can’t leave..” He tried…tried again but nothing…they were endlessly bound to keep missing each other…
He read over the last words again…
“W-What an idiot…” he whispered...not sure if it was to himself or Jisung...