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Everything hurt. A deep ache permeated his exhausted, half-starved body. His shoulders were sore from the weight of holding up his arms for so long, and he could feel the binding on his left arm squeezing tighter and tighter, cutting of his blood circulation, a constant reminder of all the ways he failed. Both his wrists were raw and bleeding from the shackles, and his mouth was so dry that he could barley swallow.
His mind was not in much better shape. His brain felt fuzzy, like he was half asleep. He seemed to be having hundreds of thoughts, but he could never seem to finish one. He did not know anymore, what was from his wounds, and what was from dehydration, and what was because of the coin. He only knew one thing: He was not safe here.
He was not sure what the humans’ plan was, but he was sure that they had one, and he believed they were going to act tonight. Every time he saw that big blonde knight, all he could think about was the sound Andromeda had made when that boy had sent his sword through her chest. He trusted the young mage even less. He was the one who had lured Rayla away from him in the first place.
If he could just get his head right enough to form a plan, maybe he could still do something. Maybe he could make it so he had not doomed quite everyone with his terrible, terrible mistakes.
A soft sound interrupted his spiraling thoughts. He turned his head, an action that tendrils of pain down his neck, to see Ethari holding a small wicker basket.
When he left the Silvergrove those years ago- could it really have been years?- he thought that at least his beloved husband would be safe at home. But now Ethari had gotten tangled up in all this, in this mess that he made.
Ethari quietly sat down on the cot next to him. He pulled a bottle of moonberry juice out of the basket, opened it, and handed it to Runaan.
“Drink.” His tone was commanding, but gentle.
Runaan took it, surprised to see his own hand shaking. He wanted to drink the whole thing in one gulp, but he knew he’d only make himself sick if he tried to, so he took a small sip instead. It tasted like home.
Runaan closed his eyes, but was still acutely aware of his husband’s worried gaze on him.
When he opened his eyes, he saw Ethari had taken a second item out of the basket: dried Airmed’s Root, a plant with powerful pain relieving properties.
“No”, Runaan said the moment he saw it. Airmed’s Root would relieve his pain, but it would also make him sleepy and woozy, and he could not afford that right now.
“Runaan,” Ethari replied in the same gentle but firm tone as before. “I can tell you are hurting, and I want to help you.”
“ No ” Runaan shook his head and scooted away from Ethari. “I cannot”
Ethari paused for a moment, seeming to consider. Then he set down the root and got a jar of suns’ tears salve out of the basket.
“Alright” he said. “Show me your wrists.”
Runaan cautiously held out his hands. Ethari very gently put salve on the sores on his wrists and then wrapped them in soft bandages.
“Ethari” Runaan said as his husband finished bandaging his wrists. “Ethari you have to get out of here. It is not safe.”
“Runaan, I trust these people, and I need you to trust me that we will be okay, at least for tonight. Besides, you can’t travel right now, and I’m not leaving you.”
“Ethari, I- of course I trust you Ethari. I just… I know you. You are always so kind. You forgive everyone. Your kind to--” Runaan stopped himself before he said the words. You are kind to me, of all people, and I lied to you. I only hurt you in the end. So who knows who else you might trust.
Ethari was silent for a while. Then he asked “What do you think we should do?”
“I think you should get out of here.”
“I’m not leaving without you. You know that.”
“Then at least… at least…” Runaan went silent as he realized the full scope of his helplessness. He could not convince his husband to leave, and he knew he was in no state to defend Ethari should an attack come.
I suppose I should just accept this. He thought to himself. We are both already dead.
“You’re not dead, Runaan.” Ethari seemed to respond to Runaan’s unspoken words. He was not certain, but Runaan thought he heard his husband’s voice crack as he said it, like he was holding back tears.
Runaan curled up and hid his face in his knees. What was there left for him to do? There had to be something. He looked back at his husband. Runaan was not particularly good at reading people, but he knew Ethari well enough to see the deep pain he was covering up. It was true, Runaan had hurt Ethari. And in his current state, there was only one thing he could do about it.
If he could not save Ethari, he would have to comfort him. In order to comfort Ethari, he would have to let Ethari take care of him.
“I will take the Airmed’s Root.” He said softly.
Ethari silently measured out a dose and gave it to Runaan, who put the root on his mouth and chewed. It tasted intensely bitter, but the pain began to subside almost immediately. Runaan’s panicked thoughts slowed a little, and a comforting heaviness began to settle in his body. He leaned his head against Ethari’s shoulder and closed his eyes.
Ethari tensed when his husband touched him. He had not had this much contact with another person in two years. Runaan’s body on his shoulder was warm and the sound of his breaths in Ethari’s ear was soothing, but at the same time the sensation made his chest tighten and his skin crawl. Half of him wanted to shy away from the contact. The other half wanted to wrap his arms around Runaan, hold him as tight as he could, and never let go. Instead, he simply lay back on the cot and let Runaan rest on him.
Quiet tears began to fall from Ethari’s eyes. He was careful not to sob so as not to disturb Runaan, who had already fallen asleep.
A long time later, Ethari’s tears began to slow. He looked down at his terribly hurt but very much not dead husband. The events of the past years had opened wounds in their relationship, and Ethari did not think things could ever go back to being the way they had been before. But wounds heal, he knew, and just because things would be different didn't mean they wouldn't be wonderful. Ethari gently placed a hand on Runaan’s back, and for the first time in more than two years, he fell asleep with the comforting weight of Runaan’s body against his own.