Work Text:
In the First Order there had been troopers who had joined up voluntarily. Troopers taken by force as children were much more common, but there were recruits. Even at the peak of his conditioned state, when Finn had believed as fervently as he was able in the mission of the First Order, the idea of joining up voluntarily had boggled his mind. Why would anyone do this by choice? Still, he was later thankful for recruits. They joined up as teenagers or even young adults. They hadn’t been raised in the First Order. That made them fonts of useful information for the more sheltered troopers like Finn. The only problem lay in Finn asking one too many questions.
“Does everybody date then?” FN-2187 said, as he tugged the corners of his sheets with crisp precision.
In the bunk above him, FN-2701 was polishing his boots. “No. Some people just have sex.”
“Right.” That made FN-2187’s cheeks hot. He knew all about sex from a few different recruited troopers. He’d milked them for as much information on that topic as possible already.
“And everybody has sex,” FN-2187 said.
“No, some people don’t. Some people don’t do sex. Or they don’t do romance. Or they don't do either.”
“Romance,” FN-2187 muttered. He could ask about that particular subject all day and never get a straight answer on it. He had the feeling that the sort of people who voluntarily joined the First Order were the wrong people to ask about love.
Love.
Such a mysterious word.
FN-2187 was, according to his own estimation, about twenty-years-old. That he knew of, no one had ever loved him and he couldn’t say that he’d ever loved anyone else. Personal attachments between troopers were against regulations, be they romantic or fraternal. FN-2187 already cared too much about the well-being of his fellow troopers and it only led to trouble.
Perhaps whatever family he’d come from had loved him. But he had no memory of those people. All of it was in a line of dangerous thinking and he knew he needed to break the habit of it.
FN-2187 finished making up his bunk and panicked for a moment, looking for something useful to do before someone came along and declared him inefficient. He was due for sanitation duty shortly anyhow. But not a second was ever to be wasted. He settled for some push-ups and crouched down on the floor.
“How do you even know when you love somebody?” FN-2187 said, feeling the pleasant flex of his biceps as he completed a push-up. “With the romance or in some other way... And how do you know the difference between the two? Sounds messy.”
“It is.” FN-2701 pulled on his boots and hopped down from the bunk, coming dangerously close to jumping on FN-2187’s fingers. FN-2187 wondered if this was deliberate. “You shouldn’t ask about this stuff, you know.”
With that, he left their quarters and FN-2187 was left alone, for one brief minute of respite, in the room that they shared with six others. He tried not to think about all the things he was missing.
Three years later, Finn was sitting across a table from Poe Dameron, trying not to snort juice through his nose because Poe was doing an excellent impression of Threepio bickering with Beebee-Ate and he was certain he had never laughed so hard in his life.
“Frankly, I think Beebee is just messing with him half the time,” Poe said, grinning.
Finn managed to swallow instead of snort and he rubbed his jaw. “My face hurts. Why does my face hurt?”
“Because I’m charming and hilarious,” Poe said easily.
“I didn’t know laughing could make your face hurt. Weird.” He glanced up and saw that Poe was making that vaguely despairing expression he made whenever Finn talked about his life before the Resistance. But it dissipated quickly and Poe stared down at his bread and gravy.
“Well,” said Poe. “I’m going to make sure I cause you terrible pain out of laughter several times a day if possible. New mission in life.”
“I guess I’ll have to learn to live with that,” Finn said.
Sometimes Finn imagined that some higher power, the Force maybe, had created Poe Dameron to be the exact opposite of everything the First Order stood for. Anyway, he was the exact opposite of a good storm trooper. Where Finn had been taught from infancy to be cold, callous, unfeeling, detached, and severe, Poe was warm, open, empathetic, kind, easy-going, passionate…
Getting to know Poe was like exploring the planets of an entirely new galaxy, Finn thought. Some of those planets, happily, reminded him of himself. It was sort of like Poe was helping him to know himself better. Every day was full of new discoveries.
“So Rey’s coming back huh?” Poe said brightly.
“Yeah!” Finn beamed. “A Jedi to boot! She’s amazing!”
“Yeah, I’ve heard something about that,” Poe said with a wink.
Finn chuckled and shrugged sheepishly. He had been known to speak of the endless wonder that was Rey. He was notorious for it around the base.
Often Finn thought back to that short and chaotic time he’d known Rey before she’d left. He’d come to care about her very much, and been so endlessly impressed by her. He viscerally remembered, looking at her onboard the Millennium Falcon and thinking: This is why people date.
On the other hand, he also often thought this about Poe.
It was all very confusing.
But when Finn spoke endlessly of the glories of Rey, Poe was nothing but encouraging. He seemed vaguely to be rooting for some kind of romance thing to happen between Finn and Rey, and since Poe doubtless knew a hell of a lot more about this romance stuff than Finn, Finn trusted in Poe’s opinion better than his own mind.
“Don’t worry,” Poe said, patting Finn’s arm as they headed out of the mess. “When Rey comes back, I’ll give you two plenty of space. You gotta lot to catch up on.” Poe winked again. When Poe winked, Finn had discovered it meant he was definitely rooting for some kind of romance thing to happen for somebody. He was always winking at Jessika Pava every time she looked over at Kella, one of the new pilots. Jessika always smacked him every time he did it. But Finn couldn’t quite bring himself to smack Poe for anything.
Finn squirmed as he walked, and he pretended he didn’t see Poe chuckling over it. “Poe, I don’t even know if she...I mean if she feels like… I mean there was one moment. Maybe. We had kind of a… But I don’t know if we-”
“Finn.” Poe threw an arm around him. “Finn. Buddy. You’ve told me about the moment. When she told you her name, right? If there was something there, I’m sure it will, ya know...blossom. You’re a damn hero and you’re the best guy I know. And easy on the eyes too, believe you me. If there was anything there...it’s there.”
Finn ducked his head, feeling all warm and fuzzy and happy the way he did whenever Poe praised him. Which was fairly often. “Why do you care so much anyway?” Finn said. “If Rey and I have a uh...romance thing?”
Poe looked away from him then, but his arm was still around Finn. He was quiet for so long, Finn started to wonder if Poe had heard him. Poe squeezed his shoulder. “I just want you to be happy, buddy.” He sounded a lot more serious than usual. But Finn still couldn’t quite see his face. He was staring away at a wall as they ambled down a corridor. “I can’t think of much more that I want than for you to be happy. Maybe bringing down the First Order.”
“Heh. Well that would definitely make me happy,” Finn said. “So that’s one and the same.”
Poe smiled at that, but there was something slightly off about it. Though Finn, not having enough experience in these more ambiguous types of social interactions, dismissed it.
Days later, Rey returned. Finn waited on the runway, hopping from foot to foot, as the Falcon landed. Luke Skywalker and Chewbacca exited first and Poe and Finn watched a solemn and tearful greeting between them and General Organa. Then Rey was running down the ramp and waving at Finn. They threw their arms around each other, nearly knocking Poe down, and he stepped away carefully.
It was, Finn thought, as if no time had passed at all. They immediately started talking, speaking over each other at least half the time. They hardly took a breath as Finn led her to her quarters. Poe had disappeared at some point, which disappointed Finn a little. He wanted Poe and Rey to become friends. He was sure they would. Surely the two best people in galaxy would like each other. Finn helped her settle in and they continued to talk; about her Jedi training and his commando training, the state of the Resistance versus the First Order. There was also gossip and plenty of it. Trust Rey to be truly interested in people she didn’t even know. They talked until they were both yawning with exhaustion and hugged each other goodnight. Finn left her in her quarters and staggered off to his own, collapsing on his bed and dropping off to sleep.
At mess, Rey and Finn were trying to figure out exactly what to do with their free time for the day.
“We should do something,” Finn said.
“Right! Maybe we could go somewhere!” Rey frowned. “Where should we go?”
“I don’t know…” Finn poked at his eggs. “Where do people go? For fun, I mean. We never went anywhere in the First Order.”
“I never went anywhere on Jakku,” Rey said, shrugging. “Not for fun. Unless collecting durasteel garbage is your idea of a hoot.”
They looked at Poe, who was hunched over his plate, grimacing at a biscuit. He finally noticed their gaping and looked up. “Hmm?”
“What do people do for fun?” Finn said.
Poe smiled and shook his head. “You two, I swear… Ah, well there’s a lake nearby. It’s nice out. You should take a blanket and some food, have a picnic.”
“Oh, that sounds good!” Finn said. “What are you doing today then? You free?”
“I’m not going!” Poe said, as if that should be obvious. “You two, go. Have fun. You’ll figure out what fun is, I’m sure. I’ve taught Finn a thing or two about it, I hope. And the rest of it, well...you’ll stumble through. I have faith.” He gave Finn that wink again, that one that was starting to seem very false and stood. He’d barely eaten anything.
“I think something’s wrong with him,” Finn muttered. “He’s acting weird.”
“Did I do something to offend him?” Rey said, her pretty eyes worried.
“Nah, of course not.” Finn nudged her shoulder. “That’s impossible.”
If nothing else, Finn was pretty sure he knew what “the rest of it” was. It was the romance thing.
No time like the present , Finn thought.
But maybe Finn wasn’t so hot at this romance thing because by the time they were sitting on a blanket by the scenic lake, Finn was missing Poe something fierce. And they’d only been apart a couple of hours.
And why hadn’t Poe ever taken him to the lake anyway?
He would’ve loved to have sat on a blanket with Poe by the lake.
“Are you okay?” Rey asked, as she sat back on her elbows.
“Yeah!” Finn smiled a little artificially. “Tell me about Luke Skywalker? What’s the myth really like?”
Then Rey was off again, telling all sorts of tales about the famous Jedi. Which was a good distraction from how much Finn was wishing Poe was hanging out with them too. Rey sat up cross-legged, gesturing with her hands to imitate the movement of a lightsaber when parrying.
They laughed and it faded to silence.
An awkward silence.
An awkward silence that a lightsaber couldn’t cut through.
Alright, soldier , Finn thought. Let’s do this thing.
“The lake is pretty,” Finn said.
“Yeah.” Rey nodded.
“You’re pretty too.”
Finn was fairly certain Threepio would have been smoother.
“Thank you, Finn.” Rey smiled graciously. This brilliant interaction was followed by further awkward silence. And then Rey cleared her throat and said: “Do you remember, on the Falcon, all that time ago... You asked me if I had a boyfriend?”
“Yes,” Finn said nodding. “Yes, I remember that. Uh huh.”
“I didn’t.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured that. Since you’ve never mentioned one. Girlfriend? Or any other...similar friend, I mean.”
“No.”
“Ah.” Finn pulled at tuffs of grass under the corner of the blanket. “Well-”
“I did think,” Rey said slowly. “I did think a few times, after Starkiller and everything. I thought… you know, Finn would make an awfully good boyfriend.”
AHA!
Maybe these things weren’t so messy if someone as direct as Rey was involved.
“I thought that too!” Finn said, beaming. “I mean not that I would...I thought that maybe I felt...about you...”
“Yeah, me too.”
“The romance thing.”
“Yes!” Rey smiled her beautiful smile and Finn felt more settled about things.
Now we’re really getting somewhere.
“Because,” Rey went on, “I do care about you so much. I missed you when I was gone.”
“I missed you too!”
“Good!”
They sat there, not touching, as if they’d reached the end of the issue. Finn idly watched a duck paddle along the lake.
I bet Poe would say something funny about that duck. He should’ve come.
Finn pursed his lips, tapping his knee. There was more to this. There had to be.
Finn said, “Maybe we should like…”
“We should kiss,” Rey said, with much confidence.
“Yes,” Finn agreed. “That’s a very good idea.”
“Alright.”
Finn sat up straight and Rey cleared her throat. “Alright,” Finn said. “Now then?”
“Yeah, go for it.”
Finn had never kissed anyone before. He was fairly certain Rey hadn’t either. But since joining the Resistance he’d seen enough of it; couples squirreled away in corners making out. He’d brought the subject up with Poe a couple of times. Poe would either get quiet or speak dreamily of the great kisses in his life before staring blankly at Finn and then excusing himself.
Finn was pretty sure he could manage a kiss.
They leaned forward, slowly so as not to bump heads and their lips met.
NOPE.
JUST GIVE IT A SECOND.
Finn gave it a second, and then he gave it a couple. He pressed his lips to Rey’s even as his brows furrowed. It wasn’t that it that it was bad per se. Their lips were doing the right job.
But it was...weird.
They leaned back and Rey clapped a hand to her mouth and abruptly broke out in giggles.
“Oh hell.” Finn shook his head. “That did not work at all.”
“Not in the least,” Rey said cackling.
“I would say we should try it again,” Finn said. “But… I really don’t want to.”
“Oh me either,” Rey said.
“Oh thanks!”
“You know what I mean!” She punched his shoulder a little too hard and he winced.
“Wow.” Finn laughed. “That certainly cleared things up.”
“Did it ever.”
“Rey… I know there’s absolutely no chance that you’re my long lost sister somehow but…”
“But it feels like it, doesn’t it?”
“My sister!” Finn threw his arms around Rey.
“My brother!”
They hugged each other til it hurt and could not stop laughing. And suddenly things were much less awkward and they were able to enjoy the food they’d brought along, tossing some bread out to the ducks.
“Wow,” Finn said, nibbling on a hard cracker. “The romance thing is very messy. I mean I do love you-”
“I love you too!” Rey said, all sunshine.
“Right, so then how do you tell the difference...between this and the other thing?”
“Well,” Rey said wisely, sprawled over the blanket. “I did get into conversations about that sort of thing with people who would come in and out of Plutt’s place on Jakku. Smugglers mainly. They would have romance troubles and they couldn’t stop talking about it. They said they couldn’t stop thinking about the person and they wanted to be with them all the time and they felt fluttery in their stomach and the person made their heart beat fast and they hardly knew what to do with themselves. They just adored that person beyond reason until they almost felt sick. But in a happy way? And sometimes a miserable way if something was going wrong. And, I thought this part was rather interesting...they said the other person made
them
better. Made them braver and stronger and feel like they were so beautiful. Which is a
wonderful
thought. Has anyone ever made you feel like that?”
Finn sat, mouth agape, staring out at the lake for a while. A duck flew away and he blinked.
“Rey.”
“Yeah?”
“We have to go back to base.”
“Why? What’s the matter?”
“I’m in love with Poe Dameron.”
Back at the base, Finn found Poe underneath his X-wing, barking at Beebee-eight. Which was very unlike him.
He is in a bad mood , Finn thought.
But the thought made him smile. Because now he was pretty sure he knew why.
“No,” Poe growed. “The small spanner.”
BB-8 bleeped in confusion and Poe huffed as Finn stood staring down at Poe’s boots. Poe was on a wheeled board. His right foot was jiggling furiously.
“There is too a smaller one,” Poe insisted.
“No there’s not,” Finn said.
“Huh?”
Finn bent over and tugged on Poe’s boots, rolling him out from under the X-wing. “Hey there.”
“Hey.” Poe squinted up at him. He was wearing a sleeveless white shirt covered in grease and pants that hung a little too low as he staggered to his feet. His hair was a disaster and he had a dark smudge on his chin.
Finn thought Poe was about the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
But then all the colors had abruptly become brighter.
“Why aren’t you with Rey?” Poe said, wiping his dirty hands on his shirt. “Everything okay?”
“Everything’s fantastic,” Finn said, feeling a little smug.
It was probably bad form to feel so sly when the object of his affections was so grumpy and probably quite lovelorn. But Finn would put an end to that soon enough.
“Oh.” Poe swallowed, staring down at his feet. “So it worked out. Good, that’s so good, Finn. I’m glad, I hope...I’m sure you’ll be… I want you to be happy.”
“I know you do.” Finn took the too-big spanner out of Poe’s hands and dropped it at their feet with a clang. He stepped very deliberately into Poe’s space, gazing into his deep brown eyes. “And I know what would make me happy.” Finn took Poe’s dirty hands in his and leaned in, shuddering at the feel of Poe’s breath on his lips.
“Finn…” Poe whispered.
“I got this.” Finn closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Poe’s.
OOOOOOOH.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Finn wondered if they were strong in the Force too, because he was sure the two of them were floating off the ground. And that was before their mouths parted and Finn felt the delightful heat of Poe Dameron’s tongue.
Below them Beebee was losing their mind.
And attracting a lot of attention.
And some applause.
Distantly Finn heard Rey cheering.
A good minute later they finally broke apart, breathless and wide-eyed. But Finn had no intention of removing his arms from around Poe’s waist. Poe’s hands cupped Finn’s chin, probably getting grease all over him. Finn didn’t care in the slightest.
Poe muttered, “When did… How…?”
“I rendered Poe Dameron speechless,” Finn said. He kissed the corner of Poe’s chin. It occurred to him just how much of Poe there was too kiss.
He’d need more free time.
Thankfully, the observant crowd had dissipated. But Finn knew he’d get an earful of questions from Rey later.
“I figured out the romance thing,” Finn said.
“Me?” Poe smirked, but Finn saw the bit of self-doubt that likely few people saw coming out of Poe Dameron.
Finn kissed the tip of nose and his cheek and whispered in his ear. “It’s always been you, bantha brain. I’m in love with you.”
“HA!” Poe picked him up and spun him around, nearly falling over. “YES! YES! HE LOVES ME! YES!”
Finn laughed into Poe’s neck and when he was let down he leaned back, but kept Poe’s hand clasped in his. “Poe...how long have you felt like this about me?”
“I dunno.” Poe shrugged. “I feel like it started the first time I saw you smile and it just never seemed to stop.”
“I’m glad it didn’t.” Finn said, suddenly a little bashful. He fidgeted with the hem of Poe’s shirt. “Feel like I made you miserable though.”
“No no.” Poe stroked his cheek, his eyes openly adoring. “You make me crazy happy.”
“Ya know…” Finn chewed on his lip. “You haven’t actually said it yet…”
“Oh.” Poe rested his forehead against Finn’s and pecked a quick kiss to his lips before he whispered, “Finn, I love you more than flying .”
Finn gasped at that. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
That was cause for another round of kissing until Beebee started beeping that if they wanted to eat they needed to go into dinner and Poe wrapped his arm around Finn’s waist as they made their way, the droid cheerfully babbling various love poems that they might find helpful as they rolled along.