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As the dust settles on the frantic events at the Trailblaze’s Stern, the Astral Express crew heads back to the train to prepare to return to the Xianzhou Luofu. Yet, Himeko can’t help but notice there’s only one other night owl still around compared to the usual two.
She waves at Dan Heng, cooped up in his own little world as usual, hoping it’d get him to take at least one of his earbuds out.
“Sweetie? Where’s Mr Yang?” His instantly souring expression upon hearing her pet name for him makes it clear he’s still not fond of getting coddled, but that’s not gonna stop her.
“Said he still had some business to take care of at the Stern.” He replies - impassive as ever - as he puts his earbuds back in, assuming that’s all the social interaction he needs to partake in for today.
“At the Stern..” It takes her a second of thinking out loud, but there’s only one place she figures he’d still have any interest in. It might’ve broken down after they used it, but that wouldn’t stop his mimicry.
She sets out for the Stern, and sure enough – she found him exactly where she thought he would be. Gazing at the projection of his mimicked memory projector, he’s seated at the center of the couch in front of it; completely oblivious to his surroundings despite being able to hear her coming from miles away.
So utterly entranced by his past that he’s seated with his fingers intertwined and rested over his mouth, she’d half expect him to be telling Stelle to pilot the SAM - or else Firefly would have to do it again.
She sits down next to him, completely unnoticed and decides to take off her heels and lie down on the couch, her legs resting on his; hoping the physical weight would ground him back to reality.
“Self-flagellating all by yourself, handsome?”
Sure enough, his composure crumbles as he hurriedly looks over into the direction of her voice in shock, only to see her smirking self. “H-Himeko!”
She waves, still comfortably lying down but now full of glee.
He sighs. “Of course you’d find me here.”
She gets up and continues to sit next to him, realizing she should probably take this a bit more seriously. She can’t help but be a little bit proud, though. “Naturally! You might be a man of many mysteries, but I’d like to think I know you at least that well enough by now.”
Still, she can’t help but wonder just why he decided to go back here. “What happened to letting the past stay in the past, hm?”
He gulps, hoping she wouldn’t have remembered that. “Just because I have to set an example for the kids doesn’t mean I can take my own advice.”
She sighs. “You sure can’t. And I know I can’t drag you out of this room, so we might as well endure it together.”
Now he’s feeling guilty. “..Are you sure? You know what’s going to happen, don’t you?”
She nods. “I sure do. But if you’re doing this either way, then I’m not gonna let you suffer in silence. You’re not dragging me out of this room either, mister.”
All she can read from his expression is him mentally consigning himself to her very stubborn compromise. “Very well. Thanking you wouldn’t feel quite right, but I appreciate the support. Well then, first up..”
As he directs his gaze towards the projection again, she does the same. “..A deeply terrifying memory, right? That explains the familiar cutie there.” She says, pointing at the college student on screen.
He nods. “Yes. There’s.. Earth’s Himeko Murata. An up-and-coming Aerospace and Space Engineering student whose life trajectory is about to change when that all-too-familiar fire leaves her eyes.”
Seeing her move around really made it all the more unbelievable than just hearing about her. “Hah.. I didn’t think we’d be that similar. So this was her genuine passion instead of being stranded with a non-functional Astral Express to kickstart her Trailblazing ways?”
“Indeed. Whereas your dad’s disappearance made it your responsibility, her dad’s death stopped her from pursuing it. Fate’s a cruel mistress.”
And sure enough, it didn’t take long for Ryusuke Murata to show up.
She snarls. “Speak of the devil.”
He can’t help but be amazed at how direct she is, all things considered. “Apt.”
What ensues is exactly as he told her – Ryusuke has become a megalomaniac so utterly distorted by grief that he put everything on the line in an attempt to kill Welt, all to claim his powers.
Seeing it all from his perspective made it perfectly clear how ridiculous his powers used to be – it makes perfect sense that he’d never mention it but. Wow.
She’d thought this would be harder to stomach than it did. He’s been gone for so long that her hatred towards his departure has turned into ambivalence as she’s matured, and yet despite everything she can’t help but feel sorry for what her old man at Earth had become.
“..I know you’re not going to like hearing it, but you did the right thing, Welt. Thank you.”
“I appreciate it. ..I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel the same though.”
Yes, that wasn’t the terrifying part after all – or else the memory would end there. It’s the part he never told her about that stung – the part where the faked letter is the only sympathy he could express as he distanced himself from her in the hopes it wouldn’t alter her life as bad as it did.
“Right or wrong, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I cannot turn back now. This is the path I chose, and I’ll follow through to the end.”
How deeply ironic, she thought. “..Ah. And that’s what caused her to spend the rest of her life as an officer of Schicksal, huh.”
He frowns. “So it goes indeed. The memory ends there.. because I made adamantly sure I’d never see her again.”
She looks back at him with a worried expression. “Is there any specific reason you’re reminding yourself of this again? Everything went well here, didn’t it?”
He sighs. “Luckily, yes. But I’m not doing enough. You know what I was capable of, now. Yet here I was, walking headfirst into Sunday’s trap.”
No amount of repeating it would get it through his head, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying.
“But you don’t have to shoulder the burden alone anymore Welt.. that’s what we’re all here for. You kept Robin safe there, didn’t you? That’s every bit as important as what everyone else was up to. Who knows what would’ve happened if she wasn’t?”
He curls his fist in anger, gripping himself in disappointment. “I know that! But still.. I was so worried. About all of you. And that I’d disappoint you yet again.”
She strokes his shoulder, hoping to calm him down. “But you didn’t, Welt.. you absolutely didn’t. Please be kinder to yourself. This mission was far beyond what we expected, there’s no denying that – but we pulled through somehow. And we’ll keep pulling through as long as we have each other, okay?”
He tries to regain his composure, but his issues with himself run too deep to do so. “But you didn’t have me! That’s the problem!”
The tenseness is getting to her now too. “Get over yourself! You played a vital part and you played it well! That’s all we needed you to do!”
She covers her mouth, every bit as surprised at what she just blurted out as he is.
“Gosh, I’m so sorry-“
He shakes his head. “It’s all right. We’ve both got a lot to process and I wasn’t making it any better. If anything, I should thank you-“
She frantically waves her arms when she realizes what he’s about to say.
“Absolutely not! Damn it Welt, I’m not gonna let you stand there and take it either. Yes, you’ve got a lot on your plate, and yes, you’ve got even more on your shoulders – but you’re more than what you’re capable of, too. You’re family, just like everyone else on the Express is, all right? You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”
His shoulders sink, and he has trouble looking into her eyes when she’s as fiery and charismatic as ever. “Right.. Sorry. I got so caught up in thinking what I could have done that I relapsed into thinking I should’ve done everything by myself. It’s.. going to take some getting used to.”
She rests her head on his shoulder. “I know, I know.. and you’re going to forget that a few times more. Healing’s hard. Real hard. When you’ve had the world on your shoulders for so long then I can’t imagine it being easy to rely on others. But I’ll keep reminding you that I’m always here to carry that weight with you, no matter what.”
He takes off his glasses and dries off the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. “Right, right. Thank you, Himeko.”
She nestles up against him to provide comfort. “Don’t mention it. Now, how about we stop the pity party and watch something a bit more light-hearted, hm? I’m most curious what your yearning of the soul would be..”
He chuckles. “Nothing so scandalous. There’s only one thing I could imagine it’d be. My precious boy.”
She gets up and looks at him in surprise. “You.. you’ve got a son?”
He nods. “Adoptive. It’s.. complicated.” She can tell he’s trying to focus on him to get the projection rolling.
NOW PLAYING… A YEARNING OF THE SOUL.
Sure enough, the first-person perspective of him she’s seeing is of a humble home – and a young boy with indigo blue hair running up to him for a hug.
Watching it from the corner of the couch, she catches him smiling while witnessing it. “So, you’ve had to leave him behind?”
“Yes.. coming here was the only way to survive. But for his sake.. I’ll definitely have to return when I’m able. He’s a lot older than he is here by now. He’ll be fine by himself. But I don’t want him to be by himself for as long as I was.”
Her heart stings. “Right.. which means we’d have to say our goodbyes when that time comes.”
He frowns at the thought of it. “Unfortunately so. But I’ll make up for the rescue efforts by giving it my all until that day comes. And I’ll never forget my family here either.”
She's amazed at thinking of all he's been through. “Damn, Welt.. I didn’t think you’d still have that kind of responsibility outside of your gaze. But still, that’s great to hear. As much as I’ll miss you, I’ll do everything I can to make sure your return trip’s a pleasant one.”
He smiles. A rare sight. “I’m sure you will, Himeko. Thank you.”
She smiles back at him. “Don’t mention it. I think I’ve done more than enough of that for today though! This was.. intense.”
“Right. I’m sorry I put you through all that. It would’ve gone a lot worse if you weren’t here. Thank you so much.”
“Anytime, Welt. We’ve all got our baggage. I’d be a pretty bad navigator if I didn’t help you carry it.”
Of course, she’s avoiding mentioning why she’s helping him so much in particular, but the occasional flirt should hopefully make even his dense self realize that by the time he truly learns to love himself for what he’s worth.
Still.. the inevitable parting will definitely make that a lot harder. But all things considered, she’s confident she’ll still be able to have a wonderful time with him before that time comes.
She got worried she’d be lost in thought for a little too long there, but he’s once again fixated on the projection showing his lovely once-baby boy. She gets up, ready to head back. “Anyways! I’m gonna go get some rest now. We’ll be heading back to Luofu soon, so make sure you get some too, okay?”
He nods, surprisingly responsive for a change. “Of course. I’ll be right behind you.”
She waves goodbye as she leaves the projector room. “All right. Good night, Welt!”
He waves back in her general direction, his eyes still very much transfixed on the projection of Joey. “Good night, Himeko.”
He puts his enhanced hearing to good use to see whether she’s already left, and decides to watch the third projection she’s seemingly forgotten (or was being considerate enough to leave for himself?) out of curiosity as to what exactly it would be.
NOW PLAYING.. A SENSE OF SECURITY FROM YOUR COMRADES.
He chuckles at the all-too familiar view of the Astral Express’ interior.
Thank god she didn’t see this, he thought. He’d never hear the end of it.
It was indeed their earlier conversation – a fiery affirmation unlike anything he’s ever gotten.
One that warmed his heart in ways he’d never known before.
Who knows where that might one day lead?