Chapter Text
You don’t notice the way life sings to you until you’re surrounded by silence. Not until the stars grow dim, laughter grows quiet, and everything becomes dull.
Kozume Kenma was forced to learn this the hard way.
He wasn’t sure how his life went from content to painful; it must have been gradual overtime he thinks. With every new bruise, taunting laughter, and extra lap, his desire to wake up in the morning was crushed until there was nothing left at all.
Kenma wished so badly someone would save him from the sea he was drowning in. He struggled and screamed, begging for anyone to reach out to him, but all he saw were soulless eyes staring back, watching him sink lower and lower.
“Please don’t leave me.”
“I just can’t be around you right now, Kenma.”
He’s not sure how he ended up here, but as the world grew dark around him, Kenma stopped trying to reach the surface.
:3
2 Months Earlier
The sound of running water ringing in his ears and the feeling of the cold sink under his calloused fingers was the only thing keeping Kenma grounded. Wide golden eyes stared lifelessly at the crimson filled sink, watching as blood and tears dripped from his face and washed down the drain.
They always pushed him harder when Kuroo wasn’t around, and today was no different.
Maybe it was the shock, or maybe he was concussed from how hard the volleyball slammed into his face, but Kenma felt no pain. He knew that would change later when the skin around his small nose became discolored. He was rather certain it wasn’t broken, but it’s still going to hurt like hell.
His chest felt heavy and his heart sank into his stomach as he recalled the sounds of snickering as he lay out on the court, dizzy and bloody. The room spun around him and for the first time since it all began, Kenma had felt afraid.
A sob echoed through the empty bathroom, his legs nearly collapsing beneath him.
Kenma knew today was going to be particularly rough when Kuroo had told him he had a meeting with the coaches and captain after practice, the stress of what was to come bleeding into how he had played today. Nearly every set was tossed too far, too short, or missed his fingers completely.
Another reason for the harsh punishment he would soon face after practice.
Through broken sobs he remembered the sharp smack of a ball being hit, and the instinctual reaction to look up, his eyes following the sound. He remembered the shockwave of pain that rippled through him, rattling his brain.
And he remembered the way they laughed as he cried.
How one of them pushed their foot into his bleeding nose and hissed, “Speak a word of this to anyone, and it’ll be worse next time.”
He took calming breaths and blinked away the last of his tears just in time for the bathroom door to swing open, a wide eyed Kuroo taking up the entirety of the doorway. His breathing was erratic, hair disheveled from the summer breeze and tiny beads of sweat dripped into his dark brows.
Without saying a word, Kuroo grabbed paper towels and began cleaning Kenma off, careful not to use too much pressure around his nose although his trembling hands made it difficult. His eyes softened as he scanned Kenma’s face and found his golden eyes rimmed with red.
“What ha-”
“Did you run here?” Kenma interrupted, forcing a small smile.
“Of course I did. I went to go find you and Tora said you were still in the gym, and when I got there… there was blood on the ground.” Kuroo’s throat bobbed, “Fucking blood Kenma. What happened?”
Kuroo’s fingers were warm as they brushed his cheek, and Kenma allowed himself to lean into them slightly, ignoring the way his heart fluttered. “It was an accident. I slipped while cleaning up the balls, and didn’t have enough time to break my fall.”
He hated lying to Kuroo, god he hated it more than anything, but he wouldn’t ruin this for him. Kenma knew the moment he revealed what happens after practices, he wouldn’t hesitate to step in. This was something he could not allow.
This team meant everything to Kuroo, and Kenma couldn’t bear the thought of putting a rift between him and the rest of the team. What if they stripped him of being captain next year? What if they turned their attention to him instead? Kuroo would take the torture for Kenma, and he would do it with a smile.
Kenma could do the same for him. For his best friend, he could endure it.
The heat of Kuroo’s gaze burned his skin. He pulled at his fingers and didn’t let his eyes leave the tile floor of the bathroom; he knew the look Kuroo was giving him, and he couldn’t bear to face it. The pressure would break him if he looked up to see the pity in his hazel eyes.
A hesitant hand wrapped itself around Kenma’s, while the other brushed his bangs behind his ear. A small shiver climbed up his spine as his eyes fluttered shut , savoring the soft touches from hands that did not want to cause harm, but bring peace.
“You tell me when you’re ready.” Kuroo whispered, “For now, let’s just go home.”
The walk home was quick, a comfortable silence finding the pair quickly. A warm hand guided Kenma along as he stared blankly at the Game Over text flashing on the screen. He didn’t miss the way Kuroo eyed him concernedly as he let his character die over and over again, thumbs too weak to click the buttons.
His brain began to numb from the memories, his limbs heavy. If it wasn’t for Kuroo walking him directly to his doorstep he might have kept walking for hours, lost in the torment. They mumbled their goodbyes and Kuroo lightly patted him on his head before he walked the short distance home.
For the first time since Kenma was young, he didn’t go home and play video games. Instead, he climbed into his full-sized bed, sunlight still shining through his window, and fell into a fitful sleep.
:3
The cool breeze of midnight air caressed Kenma’s skin and he knew when he opened his eyes, Kuroo would be there. He let his eyelids remain shut as he listened to Kuroo’s soft breathing and of him trying to quietly inch his way across the room, a small creak of a floor board followed the tall boy with every step.
A dip in the mattress jostled Kenma slightly before he was lifted and delicately placed onto Kuroo’s chest. Exhaustion from the incident coated his bones and he was too tired to pretend like Kuroo’s presence wasn’t slowly clearing the dense fog in his mind. For hours he tossed and turned, lost within it; the laughter coming from every direction as he desperately tried to find his way out, swiping through the mist.
A minute or two passed as they listened to their shared heartbeats, Kuroo’s fingers intertwined with Kenma’s long dark hair before one of them decided to break the silence.
“I know you’re awake, faker.” Kuroo whispered, his warm breath tickled the top of Kenma’s head.
“Mmm, you’re so annoying.” Kenma grumbled, his small hands curled tighter around Kuroo’s shirt.
A soft chuckle vibrated through Kuroo’s chest, and Kenma couldn’t help the small smile that dusted the corners of his lips. The sound was soft and tender, one Kenma noticed he only ever heard when it was just the two of them.
“I know your mom said I was getting too big to be sneaking through your window, but I was worried about you.”
“I’m fine, Kuro.” Maybe it was because they were alone in that small room, the smell of Kuroo filling his nose and his breathing nearly lulling him to sleep, that Kenma muttered, “I’m glad you’re here, it makes me feel calm.”
Kuroo was quiet for a moment, the hand in his hair stilling and Kenma was grateful the darkness hid the pink growing in his cheeks. The silence in the room was at odds with the pounding of his chest, and just as the apology was on the tip of his tongue, two warm arms wrapped around him, holding him tighter.
“I’ll always protect you, Kenma. But I don’t have eyes everywhere, so sometimes I need you to tell me. Just tell me and I’ll be there, I swear.” There was a subtle plea to his voice and Kenma’s chest grew heavy; unable to meet Kuroo’s gaze, he burrowed his head deeper beneath his chin.
“Stay.” Kenma’s voice was thick, a heaviness growing behind his eyes.
“I’ll never leave you.” he breathed, “I promise.”