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Jinyoung's phone has been ringing for minutes now, he's aware of it, but he makes no move to take the call. Instead, he keeps his focus on perfecting the shade of the clouds he has been painting for hours now. ‘Patience, Jinyoung, patience,’ he chants to himself as the light of his phone goes off. A few seconds later, it starts ringing again, then, there's a loud bang from his door.
"Jinyoungie, open the door." He grips the paintbrush tightly, rolling his eyes in annoyance. He's truly thankful to have a friend like Mark, but he wishes he would stop dragging him with everything he wants to try. Jinyoung is procrastination, depression, and anxiety combusted in a human flesh. And also, he's not as fearless as Mark.
Maybe if he pretends he's asleep, Mark will leave him, won't drag him anywhere. Maybe if he pretends he's asleep, everyone will think he no longer exists. "I know you're not asleep, come on! Let me in." Well, there's no harm in trying. He stands up and looks at his painting from a farther angle, analyzing the scene he knows like the back of his hand.
Two young boys sitting on a seesaw, the one is so up high and the other is on the ground. It was a fragment of his distant memory. "Jinyoung!" From a time of his life, he had loved so much. A time he wished never went away; he was so happy back then. "Jinyoung?"
He turns his head to look at his nightstand, to the bottle of his paper stars. Maybe if he takes one and throws it to the door with a wish for Mark to leave, it would happen. Realizing what he had just thought, he shakes his head. ‘Stop, Jinyoung. Don’t think about it anymore.’ He tells himself as he looks towards his door.
He sighs and gives up, Mark, like always, never leaves until he gets what he wants. "What?" Jinyoung murmurs as soon as he has the door open and Mark jogging in front of him like an excited puppy. Jinyoung goes to his kitchen, washing his paint stained hands with Mark in tow.
When he turns back to him from the lack of response, he sees him holding two tickets. 'Not again', he thinks, sighing as he passes by Mark, on his way to his fridge. "Come on, Jinyoung!" Mark follows him again, stealing the Choco flavored milk drink Jinyoung has. "This is a film exhibit."
Jinyoung isn't going, he doesn't want to, but he notes that Mark's current choice is better. He used to drag him in concerts and parties he never heard off; feeling lonely in the sea of people. "Jackson gave this to me; we have to show our support to our friend! Remember, he's the director of photography of one of the documentaries!"
Jinyoung can't help but laugh to himself whenever Mark's like this. Usually, people's first impression of him is quiet and mysterious. Jinyoung wishes he had stayed like that and not this noisy, pushy, and annoying puppy. And oh, Jackson is Mark's something, he doesn't know and doesn't want to know.
That guy is always around them so much that he already claimed himself as Jinyoung's friend. He's just another noisy puppy Mark likes to be with. And he doesn't really remember how they, Mark rather, managed to befriend him. Jackson is from the Film and Photography department while he and Mark are from Fine Arts department. Mark rambles in the background, talking about how Jinyoung would like the exhibit.
"You already know my answer." Jinyoung finally replies, looking at Mark's eyes for a second before chugging down his own drink. "Jinyoung, please?" There, Mark's pulling his pity-me card again; Jinyoung suggests for a change of deck. It's not working on him anymore.
"You like films; I don't see a reason for you not to go." Well, that's the truth; he does like films a lot. "And you can finally meet Jaebum here as well!" That guy again. That faceless guy he has been hearing about for the past six months. Not that he counts, but the name's too remarkable for him to ignore.
"Mark hyung-" Jinyoung is definitely going to say no, but the look on Mark's face confuses him. Not confuse as in he wants to go, but confuse as in there must be something wrong or something he should know. "You can't say no, Jinyoung." Mark's voice softens and then, he's slowly sinking down on the floor from the chair.
Jinyoung just had to take a moment and watch what Mark is trying to do. He never pulled this card before; kneeling in front of him with his head bowed down. "What?" He asks, pulling Mark to stand back up. "I kind of told Jaebum that you're goinna be his date." Jinyoung barely realizes he suddenly lets Mark go and the latter falls onto the floor.
"Mark!" That's it; if Jinyoung didn't use 'hyung', it means he's mad. Desperate times calls for desperate measures and in few seconds Mark has attached himself on Jinyoung's legs. "Jinyoung, I'm sorry, but please, please please." Jinyoung's stiff against him so he hugs him tighter. "Please, this is going to be the last time, please, just this time."
If that's the case then, maybe Jinyoung's willing to do it. "Okay." He says, pushing Mark off his legs, walking back to his room. "Did I hear you correctly?" Mark yells from the kitchen, his voice cracking up with the pitch. "Yes." Yes, a little sacrifice wouldn't be bad if he could finally get his freedom.
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Mark then hugs him from the back and turns him around. "I'm gonna pick you up tomorrow at five pm. It's a formal event by the way." Mark's phone then rings prompting him to let Jinyoung go and the latter walk back to his painting.
Mark is majoring in Digital Arts, that's why he doesn't get to deal with dirt and mess, unlike Jinyoung. Based from Jinyoung's explanation, Mark is a clean art, a tad minimalist, and whole lot perfection. Mark is that kind of beautiful, unadulterated and immaculate while he is the opposite. He’s like the art of tragedy, the art of broken hearts and fractured bones, and the art of pain.
He also kind of envies the older guy as well, he's a person who walks into the room and gets everyone like him. It's the other way around for Jinyoung, Jinyoung walks into the room and he hates everyone in.
"Jinyoungie, I have to leave now, Jackson needs me for something." Mark yells as he makes his way out of the room, still on the phone with Jackson. Now it's him and his painting again; quiet and eerie. And in times like this, he wonders if he is watching him, if he's still with him.
When Jinyoung wakes up, there's another kid in his room, someone he never saw before. He's sitting at the love seat by the window, looking out in the clouds. For minutes, Jinyoung stayed still on his bed, waiting for the kid to turn around and introduce himself. But the kid was so absorbed with watching the clouds, so, Jinyoung finally initiates it by noisily getting up from his bed.
Alas! The boy turns to him and smiles. "Hi!" he says, waving his plump right hand. "You're finally awake! We can play now!" Then he runs to Jinyoung's bed, climbing on the far end and sitting in front of him. "Who are you?" Jinyoung asks because his mother told him not to talk to strangers, even if the stranger is a kid just like him.
"My name is JB!" The kid enthusiastically replies, reaching the same plump hand for Jinyoung to shake, but the latter only stares at it. "What about you?" the kid, unfazed, pulls his hand back and smiles. Jinyoung looks at his bedroom door, wondering if his mother knows the kid in front of him.
But since he's already there, that means she's okay with him. "My name is Park Jinyoung." he quietly replies, shy that he made a new playmate wait for him to wake up, he must have been bored. "Woah!" JB suddenly exclaims, scrambling off from the bed to the table. "You like paper stars too?"
Jinyoung's head moves fast, watching the kid stand in front of his table, his hands on his knees and his head close to the bottle. "Yes." Jinyoung replies carefully moving closer to his table, he doesn't want his new playmate to break the bottle. "Ohhh... Did you make those?" The kid asks again as he looks carefully at each star inside.
"Yes." Jinyoung's mother once told him that giving short replies is rude, but he doesn't know what else to say. "Cool!" JB then walks back to his bed, climbing up in front of him. "Did you make them so you could make a wish?" he asks, raising his brows like he's expecting a yes. "No. I didn't know that." Jinyoung glances at the paper stars and back to JB.
He found his liking with making paper stars by accident; he didn't know he can make wishes with it. "Really?" The boy gasps, moving his body exaggeratedly, "For real!? You can make a wish with each star!" The boy exclaims like he can't believe Jinyoung has been wasting all his chances to make wishes.
And then, his bedroom door opens with his mother looking at him weirdly. "Who are you talking to Jinyoung?" She asks, walking into the room, fixing the curtains in his room. "JB." He answers, looking at the boy, and then his mother turns around. "JB?" She raises her brow and looks inquisitively at Jinyoung.
"Who is JB?" Jinyoung's puzzled, did JB break into his room? How did he get in his room without his mother knowing? "Who is JB, Jinyoung?" She asks again, walking towards him, brushing his hair with his fingers. JB is just there on the bed, unmoving, watching Jinyoung and his mother.
Jinyoung can't really say anything about JB because he has just met him so he points to him instead. His mom follows his finger and looks back at him, "Where?" She sits beside Jinyoung while the latter creases his forehead, "Tell her I am your friend." JB suddenly says.
"He just told me to tell you that he's my friend." Jinyoung replies, eyes wide open. "Didn't you hear him?" His mother then sighs and closes her eyes. "Did you really want a sibling that bad that you made yourself an imaginary friend?" She then stands up and heads to the door. "The breakfast's ready, go down after washing up, okay?" she says before she leaves a confused Jinyoung on the bed with a quiet JB.
He knew his parents fight a lot about having another kid; it wasn't really a nice topic to tackle with his mother.
Anyone who knows Jinyoung will surely be fooled that he's got his life together for the way he dresses. It's not only about his good fashion sense, but the aura he gives off. And just like how Jinyoung once told Mark, he likes to keep all the mess inside and cover it with style. So when Mark comes to pick him up, the latter is, of course, not disappointed.
He's wearing a white button up shirt under a black vest and tuxedo. Despite the heat, he still chooses to wear multiple layers of clothes to hide his way too skinny body. And also, he doesn't want to bring attention to his narrow shoulder, an insecurity he always had. "Fresh af!" Mark exclaims as soon as he sees Jinyoung fixing his tie.
Funny thing, Mark stopped using the f-word after Jinyoung expressed an outright hate to it. Instead of replying, Jinyoung brushes the nonexistent dust on his shoulder while staring at himself in the mirror. Then he spots the red paint on the back of his hand, it's from a small mistake he did earlier.
Too focused on achieving a perfect shade, he didn't realize he had used a solvent-based paint. Too bad, he ran out of stock of his solution. "Oh, come on! I can hear you thinking from here! So what if you have paint on your hand? You're a Fine Arts student, it's normal." Mark surely forgets that he's a Fine Arts student too, but he has never seen a tiny blot of paint on his body.
On their way to the venue, Mark keeps on tapping the steering wheel. Jinyoung knows Mark is nervous, he's rarely like that, but when he is, he gets out of hand. And when he's nervous, Jinyoung's more likely a hundred times worse. "Jaebum said he's sorry." He said out of the blue.
It took Jinyoung almost a minute to realize that it was directed to him. His mind floated away minutes after the drive. "Why?" He asks, glancing to his friend, a poor attempt to make him feel he was listening. "He wanted to pick you up, but something happened and the program committee needed him."
Jinyoung nods and then he floats away again until they reached the university's parking lot. Sure, Mark told him that it was a formal event, but he wasn't expecting it to be wine and cocktails kind of event. Since when did they allow that in the campus premises? Maybe since forever, Jinyoung's just too oblivious to notice.
Drowning in his thoughts again, he missed Jackson walking excitedly towards Mark. They were hugging each other like they weren't together earlier.
"Hey." And then he's pulled back from his trance. "You must be Jinyoung." Says the guy again, he's tall, but only a little taller than Jinyoung. His hair pushed back, and Jinyoung can see his clear forehead, his eyes, his nose, and his lips. He's smiling at Jinyoung in his white button up shirt under a black cummerbund and knee length tuxedo.
He looks so sophisticated with a dash of mischievousness. The metals adorning his ears are the highlight. He looks like one of the lead actors of fifties films who are constantly wearing a tux. "Hey, are you okay?" and the guy has the audacity to ask, waving his hands in front of Jinyoung's face.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. Yes, I'm Jinyoung and you are?" the guy's expression visibly changes to utter surprise. "I'm sorry; I should have introduced myself first. My name is Jaebum, Im Jaebum." So much for his Bond introduction, Jinyoung ponders, he could pass off as the Korean version.
"And it's very nice to finally meet you, Jinyoung." Jinyoung begs to differ, it's not nice. It's not, now that there's another human being to add up in his collection. A pool of people who are too perfect in his eyes, and therefore, will forever be the source of his inferiority.
"Yes, it is." Jinyoung looks at where Mark was earlier, maybe to ask for help. What comes next after introduction? He never really made it far after it. Unfortunately, his friend is also nowhere to be seen.
"I apologize for not picking you up earlier, even though you are my date tonight." Jaebum says as he leads Jinyoung towards the entryway. He's keeping a hover hand over Jinyoung's back and the latter is trying his best at pretending that he doesn't notice.
The film showing will be held inside the auditorium, the receiving area of the building has a photo exhibit. There are the teaser photos of the films, behind the scenes, and other photographs related to the event.
"It's okay, I don't mind." Jinyoung replies much later, his eyes wandering around. As a visual person, he clearly enjoys these things. "I'm glad." And Jinyoung suddenly has the urge to look back at Jaebum, and then, he sees him smiling sincerely. Jinyoung quickly looks away after their eyes meet and focuses on the photograph in front of him.
Paper stars. It's a photograph of paper stars inside numerous glass bottles varying from shapes, sizes, and tints. There's even one that's almost similar to the one he owns. "The cost of wishing from a paper star" Jaebum reads to him, "This is my entry, it's a short film I directed." He says to himself, proudly. It must be his brainchild.
There's an inkling desire to ask why, to dig deeper, but instead, he nods his head and thinks of a different question. "Was it hard? Filming it?" Jaebum lightens up hearing him ask something. "Yes, since I also wrote the storyline of the film, I wanted the people to see what I saw and give them a room for their own interpretation."
Jinyoung hums to himself, it's pretty much the same with him, but he doesn't really have that urge to show his works. He was just being desperate, wanting to keep a tangible proof of his memory. "It's a true-to-life story." Jaebum says a little later as they move towards the behind the scenes photographs section. "It's a memory I treasure."
Honestly, Jinyoung can tell. With the way Jaebum's eyes gleams as he speaks about it, it surely says that it is something dear to him. "Why-"
"Jaebum! We need you at the auditorium!" there came a yell from the stairs, from a tall kid with a very frizzy hair. Jaebum looks towards the guy and yells, "Okay, give me five minutes." The guy looks like he wants to argue, but another guy comes in and pulls him back inside the auditorium.
"So, what was your question again?" Jaebum looks back at him, not shaken up by the emergency, not even a bit. If Jinyoung were him, he's probably yelling incoherent noises by now. Or maybe, he's pulling his hair out, and crying, yeah, crying out loud and hard. "Never mind, go, they need you." He whispers to him. Somewhere inside Jinyoung’s mind tells him that he’s just wasting Jaebum’s time; that he’s taking it up for nonsensical and useless things.
"No, Jinyoung, it's okay." Jaebum tries, Jinyoung doesn't buy it. "I'm sorry, I can't even show my date, you, around." Jinyoung almost believes the regret in Jaebum's face, except that he thinks he might just be like this to everyone. He seems like everybody’s friend or best friend. And false hopes have given Jinyoung so much pain already; he doesn't have spare rooms for it anymore.
"I'll send you back home tonight, okay? Will you wait for me? Will that be okay to you?" Jinyoung weighs the pros and cons, but he can't think of anything. Especially when Jaebum looks like he'll insist if he tries to say no. So he nods and prays to the gods that it will not be awkward later.
Jaebum tentatively reaches his hand to Jinyoung's shoulder, like he's going for a hug, but changes his mind the last minute. Jinyoung tenses and then he feels a gentle squeeze on his shoulder before Jaebum races away.
Jinyoung sniffs as he hides his face in his arms. He's half carrying, half dragging his bag, walking up to his bedroom. "Jinyoung, sweetheart, come on, please stop crying now." Jinyoung's mother cajoles, but the young boy pays her no attention. He walks faster to his room and locks the door as soon as he got in.
"Jinyoung! You know you won't get anywhere with your hardheadedness!" She yells, but Jinyoung can tell she's leaving him now. Maybe she's going to prepare some snack for him or maybe she's going to lock herself in her room as well. He overheard his father once, while they were in an argument, he said Jinyoung took up so much from his mother he wonders if he's really his son.
"Are you crying?" there, on the same love seat he first saw him, is JB. He's wearing his own school uniform, the one he always wears during weekdays. "Jinyoung, why are you crying?" He asks again, this time, he jumps off the seat and walks towards Jinyoung. The crying boy stays quiet as he slumps himself on his bed, trying to cover his voice by biting his pillow.
And then, JB is beside him, looking down on him, mumbling words Jinyoung doesn't understand. When he finally calms down, he turns his head slowly and peeks at the other boy. JB is still humming to himself. "You can tell me anything, Jinyoung, I'm your best friend!" He grins at him like how he always does in the past months.
Jinyoung sometimes can't believe that it has been almost a year since he met JB. It wasn’t really a smooth sailing kind of friendship but finding companies in each other's innocence is nice enough. "Our teacher asked us to bring photographs of our best friends tomorrow." Jinyoung finally says as he lies down on his back, urging JB to do the same thing.
JB does and he settles not too close from Jinyoung. "Uhuh?" he follows up, coaxing Jinyoung to continue. "So I asked mommy to help me take a photo of you." then, he starts tearing up again, JB barely understands the last part. "But she said it's impossible because I'm the only one who can see you." Jinyoung tilts his head to JB's direction and looks at his friend through his glassy eyes.
JB only stares back at him, but he can see himself in his eyes. JB has heard this for more than twenty times already, but until now he still does not have the answer for it. Instead, like he always does, he smiles at him. "They wouldn't understand us, Jinyoung. But I want you to know, no matter what happen, I will always be your best friend and I will always believe in you."
It's baffling for Jinyoung, too perplexed for his young mind. If JB is just a fragment of his imagination, then why does he feel so real?
"Hey, Jinyoung! Let's go in?" finally, after almost half an hour, Mark reappears again. "So, how's Jaebum?" He asks, his brows raised in a certain height that Jinyoung already knows meant 'do you like him?' Jinyoung scoffs, straightening his coat as they walk inside the auditorium.
"He's..." Jinyoung can spot Jaebum near the stage, conversing with various people, hugging them and shaking their hands. Well, how is he? He seems fine, he's good looking, probably another source of his insecurity. But he can't tell Mark about that.
"Okay." Then, Mark groans outwardly and loudly. "Okay!?" he repeats and unbuttons his coat, then wipes an invisible sweat on his forehead. He pulls a dramatic pause while they're looking for a vacant seat.
"Jinyoung! Jaebum is a solid ten! What 'okay' are you talking about?" that random number that Mark just said holds no meaning to him, and he doesn't know what the older is talking about. Since when did ten become solid? Is there such thing as liquid ten? "What do you want me to say, Mark hyung?"
Mark finally spots a vacant seat on the far right side of the room, Jinyoung quietly follows him. The only answer Mark gives him is a high key eye roll and then the room falls dark. On the far back, there's a woman's voice telling everyone to take their seats and that the show will start in few minutes.
It would be nice, Jinyoung thinks, if there's something like that in real life. Someone to give him warnings of what's gonna happen next, how long he'll have to wait, and what he's supposed to do. All the while he's been blindly walking down a road he doesn't know where will lead him.
Jinyoung is never to enjoy Mark's spontaneity, but, at least, this one's good. It's definitely quieter than most events he had gone with him and it appeals more to his taste too. Few commercials later, and then they're showing the teaser of the films. The seventh on the order was Jaebum's film.
'The Cost of Wishing from a Paper Star', the whole teaser is all in close-up and extreme close up. There’s a hand intricately folding the paper strip, emphasizing the redness of the fingertips. There are also cuts of deformed paper stars, going into a different bottle. And lastly, the fragments of a broken bottle scattered on the floor.
Then, the scene fades to black with a question appearing on the center. 'Are we the cost of our wishes from these paper stars?' If Jinyoung's going to be honest, the only reason he was interested in the film was because it's about paper stars, about something that already interests him. But that was earlier because now, he's seriously hooked.
There’s a part of him that wants to know if they are really the cost of their wishes from the paper stars.
A few more teasers and then Jaebum's film playing. It starts on a close-up shot of a small deformed paper star. Then it slowly zooms out and shows a bigger frame, the little star is among the others from the fallen bottle. Symbols, Jinyoung thinks, the film is going to be filled with symbols.
A boy suddenly appears on the screen, around seven years old, maybe. And then, his phone rang and everyone in their row turns to him. Nervous and embarrassed, he scrambles away and exits the auditorium as fast as he can. He can tell he's red even without a mirror to look at.
He takes his phone out and sees the caller. It's his mother, she's calling him again and he deflates after realizing it. He'd miss the film because his mother's calls last for few minutes less than an hour.
Not taking the call isn't a good option too, he thought of that before. He was a second year that time, he ignored his mother's calls for a day and then she's at the university the next day.
JB is at the end of his bed, a favorite spot he had grown to like over the past years. He still sits on the love seat, but whenever Jinyoung arrives from school, he quickly transfers to the bed. It must have been two years since that day. "Why are you not talking to me again?" JB asks, slumping on Jinyoung's bed right on the center. "Hey! Jinyoung! Talk to me!!!!!"
In times like this, Jinyoung's glad he's the only one who can hear JB. Because if not, he's certain he'd always be in trouble. Jinyoung ignores him and walks towards his study table, taking a pad paper from the drawer. "Is it about your mother again?" JB lies sideways, pillowing his own hands as looks at his direction.
"She really hates me." he mumbles to himself, realizing that Jinyoung may not talk to him for the rest of the day. He lies on his back again as Jinyoung walks towards the bed, sitting at the side. JB sits up looking at his best friend writing on the pad paper. 'I'm sorry, she told me earlier that if she hears me talking to you again, she's not gonna give my allowance.'
JB huffs and crosses his arms on his chest. "You're choosing money over me? What kind of best friend are you?" He stares at Jinyoung and once the latter is looking back at him, he rolls his eyes and slumps back on the bed. 'I'm not!' Jinyoung quickly writes and shows it to JB, giggling quietly.
JB bursts out laughing too, yelling how much he hates Jinyoung's mother and how glad he is she can't hear him. Jinyoung tries his best to conceal his laughter, afraid that his mother would catch him laughing alone. 'Please stop.' he writes as he bites his laugh away. JB doesn't stop until he's done singing a song Jinyoung's mother hates.
'I don't want to ever lose you, JB. You are my one and only best friend.' Jinyoung shows it to JB as he lies on his back beside him. "I know, Jinyoung, and me too, I would never want to lose you." JB tilts his head and looks at his best friend's eyes. Jinyoung likes times like this when he can see himself in JB's eyes.
'How long are we gonna be like this?' his messy handwriting even becomes messier with his position. JB visibly sighs, he looks around, probably counting to ten, and then he looks back at Jinyoung. "I don't know, but we will find a way."
Jinyoung was partly expecting to wait long for Jaebum, but the guy immediately appears thirty minutes after the event. The whole building is still buzzing with the frenzy. And Jinyoung's right, he missed Jaebum's film and another short film. He missed the director's talk regarding their films and he fails to hear Jaebum talk about the inspiration for his film.
"So, did you enjoy the film showing?" Jaebum asks, still a few feet away from him, smiling giddily at him. Mark and Jackson were already gone home, or not, Jackson mentioned about trying out a new restaurant as a celebration. Jaebum walks towards his side; he still has the giddiness in his aura. "Yeah, it was great."
But perhaps he isn't expecting that kind of answer from Jinyoung. "So, what do you think?" Jaebum prods, smiling inquisitively at Jinyoung. "Think about what?" Jaebum, dumbfound, looks at him. He looks like he doesn't know where to start his sentence, profusely blinking, opening and closing his lips.
"The film, Jinyoung, The Cost of Wishing from a Paper Star." He says, above a whisper, and there's an utter shock in his eyes. "Oh, yeah, about that, I'm sorry." Jinyoung tries to avoid looking at Jaebum's eyes, but they were magnetizing his. "I had to take a call, my mother, she called me and she kinda freaks out when I don't take her calls."
"Your mother..." Jaebum says to himself, Jinyoung didn't even hear it. His shoulder deflates and his eyes fall, the earlier's giddiness is suddenly gone. Jinyoung eventually feels guilty; the look on Jaebum's eyes stabs his soul a little. He's sweating, not really knowing how to deal with such situation. And somehow Jaebum finds the ground more interesting than Jinyoung. Jaebum then looks back at his eyes, thinking of what to say to him.
"It's okay." he states, releasing a deep breath after. He's not smiling anymore, his expression is stiff and he looks pissed off. "Come on, I'll send you home now." He says a minute later with a chilled to bone Jinyoung. The latter nods and follows Jaebum towards the parking lot. If earlier was awkward, it's much more awkward now.
Jaebum is quiet the whole ride, he only talked when he asked for Jinyoung's address. Jinyoung lives for this kind of situation, all his life he's been like this. Uncomfortable in his surroundings and always feeling left out, like he doesn't deserve to know, to be in. "I'm sorry." He whispers to Jaebum when the car reaches his apartment building.
Jaebum nonchalantly nods and exits the car, opening the door for Jinyoung. And assuming he already messed up the possible friendship with the guy, Jinyoung bows, saying his thanks and apologies. Then, he turns around with a heavy heart, sometimes he doesn't realize how it's even possible to mess up this much.
"Wait! Jinyoung!" he does, he stops walking but doesn't turn around. He hears footsteps coming closer and then Jaebum is in front of him, looking at him in utter horror. "Why are you crying? I'm sorry, Jinyoung." Jinyoung looks up at him, touching his face, realizing he is indeed crying.
"Uh, no. I'm sorry, I'm just like this. Don't mind me." Jinyoung wipes his face using the sleeves of his coat, not noticing he's tearing up more. "Hey, I'm sorry; I should not have treated you coldly. I'm sorry, I was just sad because that film means so much to me and I wanted you to watch. I know it's not a good reason, no. I should not have done that to you, I'm sorry."
Jinyoung sniffs and messily wipes his tears, Jaebum would have done it for him, but he's thinking that he might scare him off again. "No, don't apologize, it's not you. I'm just..." Jinyoung stares up the sky and sheds tears. "I just don't understand how bad I am with these things. Most of the time I feel like I'm just wasting this life, not living it good enough. I'm such a waste for this world; it would have been so much better if I were not here at all."
After realizing his rambling, he looks back at Jaebum and cringes. "I'm sorry; you don't have to listen to this. We're not even friends and you're putting up with this. I'm sorry, you can go now." then he's running towards the stairs up to his apartment. "Hey, Jinyoung, wait."
"Jinyoung, look at me." Jaebum is holding Jinyoung's wrist, keeping him from running away again. "I may be a stranger to you, but trust me; you are not as bad as you think you are." Jinyoung slowly turns around, to look at him. "You don't know me, Jaebum." He whispers with a pained expression.
No can say that to him, especially people he has just met. How can they say that to him when they don't even know half of the shit he had to deal with growing up? How dare they make him feel important? "Maybe not in the way you're thinking... but that's not the point. Jinyoung, you are more than what you see and how you see yourself, you don't need a professional to tell that."
Jinyoung hangs his head low, having a hard time processing, accepting what Jaebum had just said. It's just too impossible for him. If he is not how he sees himself then who is he all along? Has he been using the wrong lens at looking at himself? Is this it again? Seeing things that do not really exist?Is he really this useless that he can't even see himself properly. "Do you want a hug?" Jaebum asks as he lets Jinyoung's hand go to open his arms.
Jinyoung closes his eyes and recalls the last time he hugged someone. Mark isn't really touchy with him after he mistakenly says he hates human contacts. The truth is, he just doesn't want Mark to think he's too clingy. Jinyoung looks up at him and sees himself in Jaebum's eyes. He sees himself again in someone else's eyes, after years of not. He grimaces and hides his face in his hands, with baby steps; he walks into Jaebum's arms.
How bad can his day get? Disappointing a date from failing to watch the film he directed. Rambling about his self-loathing to the said date. Crying into his date's arms even though they are merely strangers.
"I thought we're done with this talk already?" JB whispers from the corner of the room, sitting whilst hugging his legs close to his chest. Jinyoung is on the bed, he has his back on him and his shoulders are still shaking.
"I thought you were my best friend? Why do you keep on saying that it will be better off if you did not meet me at all?" JB doesn't feel like crying, but he feels like shit. He's far too over tearing up every time Jinyoung tells him that maybe they should just not see each other again. "Why are you becoming like this?"
"ENOUGH! JB, ENOUGH!" Jinyoung abruptly turns around and shows his tears smudged face to his best friend. JB has his eyes wide open, surprised by Jinyoung's sudden outburst. "You don't know how I feel, JB. You don't know exactly how I feel!" He couldn't be more thankful that his parents are gone and he could yell a JB all he wants.
"What do you mean I don't know? Jinyoung, we've been like this for five years now! How can I not know exactly how you feel?" JB stands up, but he doesn't walk closer to Jinyoung. He stays on his spot, on the verge of crying for the nth time of the week.
Jinyoung groans and grimaces, standing up as well, facing JB. Jinyoung never liked mentioning this to JB, but all the past days have been pretty hellish for him. He would need three more sets of hands to count how many kids in his school made fun of him for having an imaginary friend at his age. He didn't ask for that, he just wants to be normal.
"You won't know how I feel because..." Jinyoung says, anger seething through his voice. JB deflates, his shoulder rests down and his tears fall. "Because what, Jinyoung?" He dares to ask, gritting his words out to his best friend. Jinyoung almost freezes on his spot, his insides shaking as he sees JB getting angry at him.
But no, he should be the one getting angry, not anyone else. So he breathes in hard and yells at JB's face. "Because you're not real!" JB grimaces as if hearing it coming from Jinyoung burns his skin. "Because if you were real, then everyone else would be able to see you as well! You're not real, JB! You're not real!"
Jinyoung stays standing, feeling his insides crumbling down. He doesn't know where his guts are coming from, but he keeps his eyes on JB. The latter, on the other hand, is not looking at him, he has his face down. And there's a twin waterfall on his face.
And when he looks back at Jinyoung, he didn't hide his dismay or his actual state. He's far beyond broken, far beyond sad. "Just because you're the only one who can see me, it doesn't mean I'm not real." He says quietly, like it’s his soul taking a punch in the gut. "You're my best friend, but you don't believe me."
Jinyoung hates it. He hates it when JB guilt trips him. He hates it when JB knows exactly which buttons to push to piss him off. To get him back down on the ground. To keep him hoping. But he doesn't want that anymore, so he turns around and takes the bottle from his table. It has been uncapped for the past few days, a thought he has been meaning to wish.
"What are you doing, Jinyoung?" JB takes a small step closer to Jinyoung, but the latter backs away. "You told me that I can make wishes through these paper stars." he replies, holding the bottle close to him. "And you're gonna use it to me? You're gonna wish I would just vanish instead of-"
"Don't tell me what to do!" Jinyoung inches forward, accidentally throwing the bottle away from him. It breaks with a loud shattering sound, silencing both of them. Until Jinyoung speaks again, "I don't want this anymore!" JB shakes his head, stepping closer to Jinyoung.
"I just want to be a normal kid, JB! I don't want this anymore!" Jinyoung then crouches down, grabbing the paper stars on the floor along with some broken glasses. He throws it JB as he yells, "I want you gone! That's my wish! I want you gone! I want you to leave!" He forgets how many times he yelled it, but the last thing he knows, JB is shaking his head.
JB telling him "No, that's not what you want." and then, he falls onto his back and his mind went black.
Jinyoung is sitting in front of his blank canvas; he has been lifting the paint brush but couldn't bring himself to make anything. He straights up his body then hunches back, then his phone is ringing again. He doesn't let his paint brush down, but he takes his phone from his side.
From: Im Jaebum
01:00 AM
Are you sure I'm not interrupting you right now?
Jinyoung types on his phone fast but doesn't send it right away. He waits for a minute or so before he taps the send button. He should be painting right now, he should be busy, but ever since Jaebum took his number last week, all he does is text him. They haven't seen each other yet after that, but Jaebum always makes sure he's connected to him.
To: Im Jaebum
01:03 AM
Yes, I told you, I just can't fall asleep. What about you? Am I not disturbing you?
Foreign, all Jinyoung could think of is everything is foreign to him. Or is it familiar? It's not like he could ever put a word to define how he really feels. He doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to come into terms of what his excitements means.
Especially that Mark was fast to notice the sudden, but small changes in him. Like a day after the exhibit, Mark pointed out to him that he looks like he's looking for someone. And then he proceeds on asking him, teasing him about Jaebum, about them.
From: Im Jaebum
01:04 AM
No, you're not. : )
This might surprise you, but I'm at the parking lot in front of your apartment. I brought coffee and some donuts. Would you want me to bring it up there?
Jinyoung almost throws his phone away as he accidentally smudges the paintbrush on his cheek. He looks around and scans his room; his clothes that he used few days ago are on the floor. The trash he was supposed to take out yesterday morning was still somehow sitting beside the sink.
The dishes on the kitchen sink, his turpentine, and solvent-based paints on the living room. It's definitely not in a condition for any visitor. So he quickly types a reply as he grabs his flip-flop on the shoe rack.
To: Im Jaebum
01:10 AM
Ok. I'll be down there in a second.
Jinyoung throws his paint brush on the floor but it hit the canvas, painting a red line on it. Then, he rushes out of his apartment and runs down to the parking lot. It is the same car he used during the exhibit and he is there inside, smiling at him.
"Hey." He says as soon as Jinyoung climbs into the passenger seat of his car. And then he holds Jinyoung's arm, surprising the latter with the sudden contact. "Uh. Sorry." He apologizes, and then he takes the wet wipes from the compartment of his car, handing it to Jinyoung.
"I thought you weren't doing anything, were you painting all the while?" He asks and wipes the paint off Jinyoung's cheeks after the latter kept being unresponsive. Jinyoung smiles bashfully, having been caught with his tiny lie. "Yeah, I was just. Since I can't fall asleep, I thought of painting something."
Jaebum smiles at him, listening to his explanation as he wipes Jinyoung's cheek clean. "You don't have to explain, though." Jinyoung nods and take the wipes from Jaebum's hand, wiping his cheek himself. "What about you? Why are you still up and... out of your apartment?" Jaebum has his side on him as he takes the coffees and donuts from the backseat.
"Oh. I thought I wanted to see you." he says as if it's the most normal thing to say. It baffles Jinyoung so much because he doesn't even know if they are considered friends already. They are only like, texting buddies? But they're still not too close to be friends, that is, as for Jinyoung. "See me?" Jinyoung repeats, taking the coffee Jaebum is handing him.
"I miss you." Jaebum looks at him as he opens the box of donuts and offers Jinyoung some. "You miss me?" Jinyoung is repeating every single thing Jaebum is saying, but he puts everything in question. "Why? I can't?" Jaebum stops his tracks and focuses only on Jinyoung who is quietly sipping his coffee.
"But we're not even friends." He replies as he looks back at Jaebum, the latter's jaw falling off from his head. "We're not friends?" And when Jinyoung is finally able to process what he has just said, he closes his eyes and face palms. That was rude and he's at it again, destroying friendships before it's even built.
Jaebum's snickering at his seat a little later, "Then, do you wanna be friends?" He says, smiling at Jinyoung, waiting for the latter to look back at him. Jinyoung peeks at him and when he sees the big grin on Jaebum's face, he too smiles until they're laughing. "Okay, let's be friends." He says before he bites his strawberry flavored donuts, smiling as his mind repeats what he has just said.
"I hope soon, we can be more than that, but I'm not rushing you." Jaebum says, sincerely, keeping his eyes on Jinyoung. Jinyoung turns to look at him, then, raises his brows. "What? You want us to be best friends?" Jaebum's face contorts into an unreadable expression like he wants to cry and laugh at the same time. Jinyoung can’t process what’s happening, it’s not like it’s usual for him to go out of his apartment at midnight to eat donuts inside someone’s car.
"Did I just get myself friendzoned?" Jaebum states; shaking his head as he laughs a little. Jinyoung, of course, is not new to that idea, so he tenses and abruptly stops eating. "What do you mean?" He asks, glancing from Jaebum to his coffee. "Oh." Jaebum then stops and looks back at Jinyoung.
"I like you, you didn't know?" He says after Jinyoung meets his eyes. There it is again, Jinyoung can see himself in Jaebum's eyes again. "But you don't even know me." Jaebum doesn't know him so he can't just say that, he can't say that like he has been doing it for the rest of his life. He just met Jinyoung so he can't possibly like him, not that way.
He had not even seen Jinyoung in his worst state, he can't say that. He's lying. "I do, Jinyoung. More than you think I do."
In few days, Jinyoung is finally moving out of his parents’ house. He's in college now, he'd be renting his own apartment and live on his own. Of course, it's his parents who are going to pay, but at least, he's not with them anymore. Not, at least, twenty-four-seven.
He's packing his clothes and his school supplies, taking only what he needs. He shall leave everything unnecessary; he waited so long for this after all. But there, in the corner of his room, is a box who has been sitting there for a while now. It was under his bed but had to take it out when he started packing earlier.
His hands are itching and he wants to reach for the box. It’s the box containing all his favorite memories. After beating himself for over a thousand times, he walks to it and takes it, then he sits on the love seat. The box is heavy over his lap like it's really containing all those years, all those times, all those moments.
As he opens it, the first thing he sees is the bottle of paper stars. He collected all the paper stars he threw over JB and placed them back inside a different bottle. Then, he hid them in this box along with the other things such as his pad paper. The conversation he had with JB when his mother was in the house and he didn’t want to get caught.
It's all in there, the photographs of himself when he was a younger with JB's figure poorly drawn beside him. Some of the photos have messages from JB, which he, of course, had asked Jinyoung to write. After all those years, Jinyoung still regrets his decision on that fateful day.
He should not have asked JB to leave, he should not have wished for JB to vanish. The day after that happened, all he did was wish for JB to appear again, but none of the paper stars granted him. And then, few more months later, he did everything to forget him.
He hid all his memories with JB; he hid them all inside box and proceeded with his life like nothing happened. He wakes up every day with a constant thought to forget JB, until one day, he can't remember his face anymore. It's like the image of him is finally wiped out. Gone.
It was until the night before this when he dreamed of JB again, but he's blurry. He can see his figure, but not his face and he's not clear either. He's just a faceless guy in his dream and no matter how hard he try to put a face on it, it just doesn't happen.
"Jinyoung? Are you done packing?" then comes a knock from his door; he quickly wipes his face, closing the box as well. "Few more minutes!" He yells back, standing up from the love seat, proceeding to hide the box under his bed again. "Okay, call your father when you're done, okay?" and then he hears her walking away.
When he's certain she's gone, he plumps back on his bed, looking at his ceiling. This is it, he's finally going to start college soon, and he’s finally going to start his life. And for whatever reason that came into him, he takes the box under his bed. He takes the bottle of paper stars and places it inside his backpack, the one he'll bring in college.
Even though he wasn't really busy at the moment, Jinyoung told Jaebum that he kind of is. He's just inside the library, scanning books for his Baroque era long quiz which is still in a week. Jaebum has been inviting him out lately and he couldn't bring himself to say no, not at least completely.
Just like this time and whenever Jaebum tells him he'll wait for him, Jinyoung always has the urge to test it. When he arrives at the place where he's supposed to meet Jaebum, he sees him talking to someone. It's also Mark's friend, but he never got to talk to him, he felt it was awkward.
As he walks closer to him, he hears them talking in English. He isn't surprised per se, especially when that guy is a Thai exchange student. But what astonishes him is the fact that Jaebum is a fluent speaker. "Oh you're finally here." Jaebum says as he spots Jinyoung walking towards them.
"Hey." He replies and stands not close to him, but Jaebum reaches for him and envelopes him for a way to comfortable hug. It's a hug that he secretly yearns for every time he sees Jaebum. The latter always gives him hugs longer than the average, longer than what gives Mark and Jackson. He's also secretly timing it, being a little immature, proving to himself that Jaebum likes hugging him more.
But as Jaebum is pulling away, Bambam, the Thai exchanged student, pulls Jaebum and hugs him as well. "Will your boyfriend feel jealous if I hug you too?" Bambam says in English, Jaebum laughs but doesn't push him off. "He's-"
"Yes, I will be." Jinyoung says because he isn't too stupid to fail to understand that. He creases his forehead and holds out Jaebum's arm. The exchange student abruptly untangles himself from Jaebum, but he's smiling at Jinyoung. "Nice." He says, then he bids goodbye with a wink for Jaebum.
"Wait, are you-" "Jealous? Yes." Jinyoung cuts Jaebum off before the latter could finish his question. One thing that he has developed from having Jaebum by his side for months now is his brutal honesty. Whenever Jaebum is involved, he becomes too honest and it just happens, without intention.
"No, that wasn't I was going to ask." Jaebum bites his smile, reaching his hand to Jinyoung who is glowering at him. "Then what?" Jaebum didn't even flinch with Jinyoung's snark, he only smiles bigger and holds his hand tighter. "Does that mean… You're my boyfriend now?"
"No." Jinyoung immediately answers, making Jaebum fall back from his high, but he doesn't let him go. "Okay." He replies, tangling their fingers together. It's his third time asking that already and it's always no, but, at least, Jinyoung lets him hold his hand.
And Jinyoung will always hold on to Jaebum's promise that he'll wait.
"I didn't know you can speak in English. I mean, that fluent." Jinyoung says, Jaebum is leading him to his car; they're probably off to check the park again. He always brings him there, with a takeout of donuts and coffees teas.
"Ahh, I grew up in LA, that's why." Jaebum replies, smiling again. "When it's morning here, it's night there." Jaebum says quietly, Jinyoung is about to ask why, but Jaebum's already on his way to the driver's seat.
It's one in the morning again, Jinyoung is in front of his canvas, this time, he's halfway done. It's another fragment of his memory, it's the boy he has been missing so much sitting on the love seat. Compared to his other paintings, this one is so much lighter, not only has the shades but the feel as well.
It's their first meeting, the day when he first saw JB. Because lately, he has been dreaming of him again, he's still faceless, but his figure is crisper now. He's still the same old kid when they were younger, he can't help but wonder how he is now. How is JB now? Is he missing Jinyoung too?
Jaebum's on the way to his apartment again, but this time, Jinyoung asks him to go in. He's got a chance to tidy it up earlier that week, so it's visitor friendly. "A second!" Jinyoung yells as soon as he hears the knock on the door.
"Hey." Jaebum says, grinning at Jinyoung with the usual in his hands. "Hello." Jinyoung smiles back, then, he opens the door wider for Jaebum to get in. "Now I know how your apartment looks like." Jaebum states as he settles the donuts and coffees on Jinyoung's table. It's his first time there, Jinyoung, being a little territorial, never brought him inside.
Jinyoung turns to him, staring without any words, so Jaebum walks to him and engulfs him. "Do you want to see my paintings?" Jinyoung whispers, slowly hugging Jaebum back. He settles his arms around Jaebum's torso as dives deeper in his hug. "Would you want to show me?" Jaebum replies, inhaling Jinyoung's scent.
He's a mix of paint, turpentine, sweat, and home, he always smells like home for Jaebum. "Yes, that is, if you want to." Jinyoung nuzzles his head on Jaebum's shoulder as the latter pulls him closer. "Okay, please be my curator." Jaebum snickers, making Jinyoung pull away while pouting.
Unless it's a project, Jinyoung doesn't let anyone see his paintings. Not only that, he considers them private, but also because he doesn't want anyone to ask about it. Mark did, but he has the modesty to stop asking whenever Jinyoung doesn't want to answer. The other can be really pushy, always wanting to know every story.
He still doesn't know if Jaebum's gonna ask, but if he does, he will have to lie if that happens. As he leads Jaebum inside his room, the latter reaches to his hand, intertwining their fingers. His second favorite feeling, after the hug. "Here they are."
Jinyoung feels Jaebum tensing; when he glances at him, he has his eyes wide open. He's frozen on his spot, but his eyes are wandering on his paintings. Somehow, he feels naked, letting Jaebum see a part of his life like this. Mark's the only one who was able to see these apart from him. Not even Jackson is allowed to see everything.
And perhaps he was expecting Jaebum to ask, but he isn't saying anything. Instead, he lets his hand go and went closer to each painting. He looks at them slowly, as if analyzing Jinyoung's painting style. Like he's criticizing the direction of the strokes and the shades of the colors. But he stares the longest on the recent painting, the one Jinyoung's still doing.
Jinyoung stays there, watching Jaebum move around his room until he looks back at him. Jaebum has tears on his face, but he's smiling, grinning even. "Why are you crying?" Jinyoung walks closer to him as Jaebum meets him halfway. He reaches to his face and wipes his tears. Jaebum closes his eyes and covers Jinyoung's hands with his.
"They're beautiful, Jinyoung." Jaebum whispers before he opens his eyes. Jinyoung's heart is beating mad against his chest, and it felt like it stopped a little when Jaebum looked straight into his eyes. It really felt like it stopped when he sees himself in his eyes. It felt familiar, painfully familiar.
"Can I kiss you?" Jaebum says, he's begging, Jinyoung can see through his eyes that he's aching. So, Jinyoung closes his eyes and dissolves the gap between their lips. Jaebum then finds his hand on Jinyoung's nape and waist. His lips moving slow against Jinyoung's, no rushing just pure ecstasy.
When Jaebum pulls away, Jinyoung's mind is blown away. With the air filling his lungs again, Jaebum pulls him close to him, hugging him weakly. Jaebum is crying on the crook of his shoulder and neck, he's crying like a kid. "Jinyoung." Jaebum says weakly and it almost felt like JB, on his painting, suddenly said his name.
The painting's almost done; it's what he's going to submit for their finals. It almost made him laugh that his entries are their first meeting, their last, and the paper stars inside a bottle. It's gonna be his entries for their department's exhibit. A part of him is still scared with people asking about his inspiration for it, but he'll try to manage.
When Mark came over yesterday, all he ever said to him was how different it looked from his other paintings. "It looks so young, innocent, curious, and carefree." He said, giving Jinyoung his honest interpretation. He even noticed the difference of the strokes, commenting how light it became.
It's something that he's secretly aware of. How light and how bright it has become, his life and his paintings. Ever since he met Jaebum, for what reason, he may already know it, but doesn't want to acknowledge it yet. As he puts the paintbrush down, his phone rings and he could tell who it is.
From: Jaebummie
07:00 PM
I'm gonna come over, is that okay?
Jinyoung types a quick okay and then immediately after he sends it, someone's already knocking on the front door. "How nice of you to ask when you're already there." Jinyoung sings songs as he opens the door, letting Jaebum in. After the latter set his bag down on the couch, Jinyoung jumped to his arms.
He has legs around Jaebum's hips and his arms around his head, kissing the life out of him. Jaebum kisses him back, smiling at Jinyoung's boldness; he sets him on the backrest of the couch and kisses him deeper. "You're gonna be my date at the exhibit, right?" Jinyoung whispers to Jaebum's lips.
Jaebum nods as he hugs Jinyoung tighter, not leaving a bit space between them. "Why did you suddenly come over?" Jinyoung asks as he lets himself fall onto the couch with Jaebum above him. "Can I not visit my boyfriend?" he says, leaving butterfly kisses on Jinyoung's cheeks and neck.
"You can." Jinyoung tries to return the kisses, but Jaebum's is moving too much. As he hears Jinyoung's answer, he stops and looks directly into his eyes. "Does that mean we're boyfriends now?" Jinyoung would be lying if he says he doesn't want to be Jaebum's boyfriend, but that needs to wait a little longer.
Jinyoung cups Jaebum's face and kisses him again, slowly, carefully, ever so sweetly. "You'll find out after the exhibit." And then he wiggles away from Jaebum, pushing the latter up as he sits up. Jaebum only laughs and says, "Okay, love." Jinyoung hits his shoulder with his palm as Jaebum takes his laptop from his bag.
"Speaking of exhibit." He starts and Jinyoung leans his head on his shoulder, hugging him sideways. "Hmm?" He replies, watching Jaebum's laptop starting up. "You didn't watch the film I directed so I thought of bringing it here and giving you a chance to finally watch it." Jinyoung lights up and smiles at him.
"For real?" It's something that he has been meaning to ask Jaebum, if he could watch his film. But remembering how Jaebum was pissed when he found out he wasn't able to watch it; he is afraid to bring it up. "Yes, for you." Jaebum steals a kiss from him before he plays the video.
Jinyoung leans back to his shoulder and quietly watches the film. The room where the first scene opens not only feels very familiar but also looks familiar. It's like his room in his parent's house, the positioning of the bed, the table, and the love seat.
Then, a boy appears, probably about seven years old, waking up from a love seat. 'Why am I here?' The kid says, looking around the familiar room, and then he sees a sleeping boy on the bed. Every single scene is in the kid's point of view, but Jinyoung swears he has been there.
As the film progresses, Jinyoung slowly lifts his head farther from Jaebum. Jaebum tries to hold his hand, but he flinches away. He can't help but cry when it reaches the part when he and JB fought the last time. He was throwing JB the paper stars, wishing he'd leave him.
It brings back all his memories. All the painful and most beautiful ones. "How did you know this?" Jinyoung after the film ends; he's almost a foot away from Jaebum now. "Jinyoung..." He says and Jinyoung grimaces at the very familiar voice. "I'm JB."
Jinyoung turns to Jaebum and yells, "NO!" and then punches him on the shoulder weakly, "You're not him! JB is not real!" He yells again, continuously hitting Jaebum as he cries. "Jinyoung, I'm real, I told you before, but you stopped believing me."
Jaebum has the same pained memories oozing in his voice, like Jinyoung. "I didn't know how to explain it to you back then, but everything happened in my dreams." Jinyoung stays quiet, listening to him, but not looking at him. "That's why I told you; just because you're the only one who sees me it doesn't mean I am not real. I only see you in my dreams, but I know you're real."
Jinyoung shakes his head, and cover his ears; Jaebum stops him and kneels in front of him. "Jinyoung, please, don't be like this to me." Jinyoung keeps his eyes close as he cries, not believing one bit of what Jaebum is telling him. JB is not real; he's just a product of his imagination.
Jaebum could also be just his imagination. He grew mad and had started seeing things; none of them were real all along. It's all in his mind and he's just insane. "Jinyoung, believe me." Jaebum tells him, pulling him close.
"Then why didn't you tell me sooner!?" He yells at him, abruptly opening his eyes as he pushes Jaebum off him. "Why? You left one day and now you're back and then you're doing this to me again!?" He yells at him, releasing all the pent up emotions for the past years.
"Jinyoung, you wished me away. You wished for me to leave you, to stop appearing, you were the one who wanted me gone. I never wanted that to happen, I wanted to stay. No matter how stupid it was that all I ever wanted to do was sleep so I could see you again. You were the one who asked for it and no matter how hard I tried to see you in my dreams again, everything is just black. No matter how hard I try to find you, you were not just there anymore." Jaebum stays on the floor, looking at Jinyoung's eyes, but he's not reaching to him.
Jinyoung bites back his tears, realizing that it was really his fault all along. It was his own doing, his own stupidity. "Leave." Jinyoung says, loud and stern. "Leave!" He repeats, looking at Jaebum who is too stunned to move. "Don't, please, Jinyoung. Not again, please." Jaebum replies, reaching out his shaking hands to Jinyoung.
He holds Jinyoung's hands and kisses the back of it. "Please, don't ask me to leave you again, now that I found you." Instead, Jinyoung shakes his hands off him and tucks the laptop back into the bag. "Please leave, Jaebum or JB or whoever you are. Please leave." When Jaebum didn't move an inch, he storms to his room and locks himself.
Just when the skies start to brighten, the earthquake comes and breaks everything he has. Jinyoung just wants to be normal, what happened to him?
It's a particularly hot afternoon; Jinyoung is sweating under his shirt, but luckily has an ice cream tub with him. JB sitting by the love seat, he's looking at him, but whenever he returns the eye contact, he looks away. "Is there something that you want to tell me?" Jinyoung says after the seventh time.
JB is shifting glances around the room as he scratches the back of his head. "Uhh." and then he stutter when he says Jinyoung's name, the latter is just staring at him. "Do you want some ice cream?" Jinyoung offers a spoonful but JB shakes his head and hides his face on his hands.
"What's wrong with you, JB?" Jinyoung asks again so JB stands and sits beside him. He breathes in hard and closes his eyes before he asks, "Can I kiss you?" Jinyoung blinks his eyes numerous times as he fans himself with the spoon. "Why?" he asks later when he sees JB pouting and keeping his head low.
"Because you're my best friend." JB whispers as if convincing himself about it. "Why, do best friends kiss?" Jinyoung scoops a huge ice cream and eats it in one go. Jaebum looks at him and into the ceiling. "I don't know." He replies and then he's biting his lower lip. "But you're the one I like the most and you're the only one I can think of."
Jinyoung takes another scoop and he shakes for a moment with a sudden brain freeze. "Why, you don't want me to kiss you?" JB flops down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I don't know." Jinyoung replies, taking a smaller scoop, humming as the ice cream melts into his mouth.
"I guess it's okay, I like you the most anyway." And then JB's slowly sitting up, looking curiously at Jinyoung. "Really?" JB has his brows raised up high and there's a small smile forming on his lips. Jinyoung nods with the spoon still in his mouth. "Okay! Close your eyes!" Jinyoung takes the spoon off his mouth and closes his eyes.
Since he has them closed, Jinyoung doesn't know If JB's already near him. But he felt it, in a fleeting moment, like he's being kissed by the air. His lips are numb from the cold ice cream, but he felt a light pressure on them. When he opens his eyes, JB is smiling at him. His eyes are almost closing. "You're really cute, Jinyoungie!"
"Do you think we'll meet each other in the future? Like maybe in school? Or in the workplace? Or maybe when we're traveling?" Jinyoung says, lying down beside Jaebum after he took the empty ice cream tub down in the kitchen. Jaebum turns his head to him, looking straight into his eyes.
"I don't know." JB replies as Jinyoung shifts his whole body until he's lying sideways, facing the former. "But I want to. I want us to finally meet someday. I will find you and maybe I'll bring donuts and coffees or I'll take you to a park. Or maybe we can just walk around the city during the night when it's quiet. But one thing’s for sure, I will find you."
JB’s voice, ever since last year, has become deeper. It's almost always the cause why Jinyoung falls asleep, it's a lullaby in his ears. "Really? I'd wait for it then." Jinyoung yawns, his eyes closing slowly while JB continues staring at him. "Yes, I'd make it happen." JB replies holding a paper star in his pocket.
Jinyoung's eyes are droopy, rad, and they have dark circles around them. He looks like walking garbage despite wearing an extra nice suit and tie. Of all the days, it has to be today, he can't even cover how trashy he looks under the expensive clothes.
He looks far too wasted and broken that no matter how much he tries to smile, he only looks like he's annoyed. The exhibit won't start in few minutes, but they were asked to come earlier. Mark, himself, is pretty busy too, being the representative of his class. He runs errands and other things needed for the program.
On the other hand, Jinyoung is just standing in the corner of the room. Trying to make himself invisible as much as possible, like becoming one with the wall. He doesn't know where to look at because every time he tries to look at his art work, he can't help but shed some tears.
"Hey, Jinyoung." Mark runs to him, placing his hands on Jinyoung's shoulder. He taps them and then he takes out a small bottle in his pocket and hands it to him. "I don't know if this will really work, I just watched it from Jaebum's film, but it won't hurt to try, I guess."
Mark smiles at Jinyoung and waits for the latter to take the bottle of paper stars from his hand. Jinyoung stares at it, and then he looks away, blinking his eyes fast. "Come on, Jinyoung, take it and make your wish come true. You know you can do it, right?" Jinyoung looks back at Mark, and before he can cry, the latter hugs him.
And then the building starts buzzing as people come in. Jinyoung's left again in the middle of the sea of people. The bottle is in his pocket and he's looking at his own artwork, the one with paper stars. It slowly dawns on him, a realization of why Jaebum had always felt familiar.
It wasn't as soon as he saw him, but the moment he looked into his eyes and he saw himself. It was then when he pushed the thought back into the deepest part of his brain. Partly because he doesn't want to fool himself anymore and partly because he's still wishing that someday he'll see JB again, like he promised to him.
It may be stupid to hold onto a ten-year-old boy's promise, but he can't help it, now when a paper star is involved. Jinyoung stayed at his spot for hours, ignoring the people around him until they're all gone. It's only him, the paintings, and some of his classmates.
"Hey." Jinyoung doesn't have to turn and look at the person to know who it is. "You came." Jinyoung replies, smiling at himself before he gives Jaebum a glance. The latter isn't any better; he has dark circles around his eyes and the swell made them smaller.
"Of course, I am your date." Jaebum tries to joke, but it turns too sour and he sounds like he's upset. "No, that's not what I mean." Jinyoung turns to him, slowly reaching his hands to Jaebum's cheeks. "You made it happen." Jaebum has a slight crease on his forehead and beyond puzzled.
"You found me, JB, Jaebum, whatever your name is. I'm glad you found me." Jaebum covers Jinyoung's hand and holds them tight as he closes his eyes. When he opens them again, Jinyoung is smiling at him, his tears finding their ways on his cheeks. "Yes, I did." Jaebum whispers and then he leans down, letting their noses touch first before he timidly kisses Jinyoung's lips.
He dips down slowly and softly, finally being able to kiss Jinyoung as JB and as Jaebum at the same time. Jaebum pulls away a little and then he dives slowly down, taking every moment he can. "Jaebum." Jinyoung pulls away but pecks Jaebum's lips before he totally pulls away.
"I'm your boyfriend now." He says as pulls Jaebum's head down to him so their foreheads are touching. Jaebum laughs a little, biting his lower lip as he stars on Jinyoung's eyes and lips.
"Finally."