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“It says here that you are 6 weeks pregnant.”
The omega widened his eyes, his eyes wandering to the very person that held his heart, the father to be of the child within him—reaching out for his hand to squeeze it in happiness. He couldn't believe it, 2 years into their marriage, and they’re finally going to be parents. Their relationship had its ups and downs, and it took them so many trials to where they stand today, as partners, souls tied and forever bonded for life.
The blond was smiling, his happiness was contagious. He can't help but fall in love all over again.
“Alhaitham…” he can feel him take both of his hands before kissing it, inhaling the omega's pinewood scent, his eyes teary.
So, Alhaitham smiles at him, caressing his cheeks, before speaking softly, “We’re going to be parents, you’re going to be a father, Kaveh.”
Kaveh laughs happily, “And you're going to be a mother too.”
That day was marked as the best moments of their life.
It didn't take long for Kaveh to start planning, using his old room to prepare the nursery, setting aside his old things to the storage room and began working—even making the crib himself. Alhaitham would watch by the door, a hand over his still flat stomach, heart filled with love.
“I think placing stickers all over the wall would be cute.” Kaveh spoke to him, showing off the pack of cute animals and star design stickers that he just bought, “We can place the stars right beside the crib! You know how the saying goes— stars can lead you back home.”
Alhaitham thought about it for a moment, before nodding, “That would be a great idea, it is the oldest form of saying that has been around Sumeru for decades, my grandmother used to say the same thing when I was a child.”
Kaveh grins, sneaking in a loving kiss over his lips, his sandalwood scent leaking, “I’m sure she would be delighted that you truly found your home here, Haitham.”
The ashen widened his eyes, his heart racing once again as he watched Kaveh continue working, as if he didn't just say the sweetest thing. He truly feels at home—here with Kaveh by his side, and their soon to be pup.
It was something, knowing that he is carrying a life, but seeing Kaveh happy was enough to make everything all worth it.
This is all for Kaveh's happiness, he promised him after all.
“If you mate with me, I will make you the happiest man in the world.” Alhaitham recalled his own words, remembering the very night he vowed and offered himself to the alpha, “I choose you to be my mate, regardless of your status. There's no other words to reason, other than that I love you, Kaveh.”
He promised him that, despite being the type who is still learning how to understand his own feelings, who sometimes appear to be uncaring—because he knows that Kaveh loves him back. That love bloomed into someone, someone steadily growing within him, someone that was supposed to be healthy.
They were supposed to be healthy.
But then, that happened.
Kaveh, who was just coming out from the kitchen, was excited to see his omega coming home from the akademiya, only to be mortified the moment Alhaitham fell to the ground as soon as he stepped inside. He ran immediately beside him, speaking in hushed whispers, full of worry and panic.
Then, Alhaitham clutches his stomach in pain, Kaveh is filled with dread.
There were little to no words spoken, but the ashen’s whimpers can be heard. Kaveh tries to help him stand up, catching a glimpse of something on the floor where Alhaitham had fallen—
Blood.
“I can't look… I don't… Kaveh…” Alhaitham whimpered weakly as he clutched onto his shirt, “I can't—”
That was more than enough for the alpha to carry Alhaitham, and bring him to bimarstan. With him closer to his embrace, he catches a whiff of his scent— burning wood, distressed.
Burning wood.
By the time Alhaitham was brought to the room with a stretcher to where he was supposed to be treated, he finds himself whispering his name, “Alhaitham…” Kaveh spoke in fear, holding his hand for dear life as he eyes the stain between the omega's legs, the horrible sight that will forever haunt him in the next couple of years.
Alhaitham could only look at Kaveh, he cannot find the right words to say—what was there to say, anyway? He had failed to keep his promise, he had failed to make Kaveh happy, he had failed their child.
He could only close his eyes, and continued closing it throughout the whole process. It was the only way to make the clock tick faster, to be unaware of his surroundings, refusing to live in such a nightmare. But how can he stop from going back to this reality when the doctor finally spoke those words?
“The baby was lost, I’m sorry.”
How could it? How could he?
How dare he lose that child? That child he and Kaveh both wanted to have, all these years of yearning to fill the missing gap in their lives— the gap that will never be filled.
He couldn't accept it, Alhaitham refuses to accept it. But how can he not? Ever since that day, he could feel his insides rot, his womb that was meant to nurture the life that used to live in it, felt hollow and empty, devoid of anything but sorrow. There should be a reason for this, what made them lose that child— but the doctor said things like this happen.
So, there was only one person to blame.
Alhaitham began to resent himself.
Kaveh had been trying his best to reach out to him, but he couldn't, he couldn't face the man he also failed. He buried himself into the nest, the nest that didn't even feel right anymore, it feels empty, his heart is empty . The house he used to call home doesn't feel like a home to him anymore.
Knowing he couldn't do anything, Kaveh gave up and slowly distanced himself. He still chose to sleep beside him, in the nest, but they never once faced one another after that. Alhaitham can feel the bond they had shared slowly dying, prickling against his skin like small thorns.
Kaveh also starts overworking himself, always out to meet clients, always having meetings. Sometimes he would come back, reeking of alcohol, but Alhaitham chose not to care, he couldn't care less anymore. He had already lost everything.
There was a wall starting to form between them, and soon, it became real.
The nursery was left untouched after that day. But then, Kaveh had come back from work, only to see a few people taking out some furniture as well as a few toys that belonged to that room. Alhaitham was with those people, ordering them around, as they take out the crib—
Kaveh ran up to stop them, fierceful glaring at the man who was just doing his job, the job Alhaitham personally tasked him with— but for what reason?
“Kaveh.” The omega warns him.
“What are you all doing?!” The alpha seethed, looking at his mate in disbelief, “Don't tell me you're throwing away all the things that belong to the nursery?! Even the crib? I made that!”
Alhaitham gritted his teeth, clenching his fist. There was pure betrayal over those eyes, those eyes that used to bear happiness and contentment, the eyes of a man he had failed.
He opens his mouth, don't say things you don't mean, Alhaitham.
“No one owns the furniture, no one will ever sleep in that crib.”
You don't mean that! Alhaitham warned himself mentally, his heart breaking at each word he uttered, watching as Kaveh's expression morphed into shock, as well as disbelief.
Stop speaking, Alhaitham, the omega in him desperately cried, you’re hurting yourself, you’re hurting him.
“The nursery has no use, it only gets on my nerves.”
The moment he spoke those words, Kaveh looked so heartbroken, that he could even feel his own shatter as well. Alhaitham didn't mean it, he wanted the nursery to stay, but looking at it continues to bring him so much pain, so many questions of what-ifs, wishing for the very thing that the both of them had wanted to stay.
But it didn't.
The others continued to let every single furniture outside to be sold, even Kaveh had given up on the crib he poured his heart out to make, his eyes dimmed. Soon, he gazes upon his mate coldly, “Did you put away my old furniture too?”
Alhaitham shakes his head, crossing his arms as he looked away, he can't let Kaveh see that his eyes are beginning to glisten—
Kaveh walked away as soon as Alhaitham answered, and then he heard him asking the people helping to assist him with moving some of the furniture from the storage back to the room. The moment he was out of sight, the omega went over behind the house, hiding away from everybody.
Before his knees gave up on him.
A lone tear fell from his eyes, but he couldn't muster out a cry. He merely watched as the other continued to bring out every single thing that belonged to the nursery, watching in despair as the reality began to set in— how he and Kaveh will never experience having a child of their own .
Alhaitham hated himself even more.
After that, Kaveh used the nursery, and redecorated it to become like his old room again—the bed was placed, his old desk, as well moving some of his clothing from their shared bedroom. It was then he realized that the alpha will be moving back into his old room, refusing to sleep beside him ever again.
He can't blame him, Alhaitham did nothing but fail him, he wouldn't even be surprised if he moves out of the house.
But they still shared a bond, it would both kill them if they were apart from one another.
So, they will just continue to live in this nightmare as days, weeks, maybe even years could pass, under one roof, with no love to spare.
Alhaitham onced passed by the room with a heavy heart, and he heard a sob from behind the door at his room. He finds himself stopping his tracks, listening closely, finding himself missing his voice, longing his sandalwood scent, longing for his smile.
“He didn't take out the stickers… ” Kaveh sobbed out, and Alhaitham felt his heart drop, the star stickers from the wall…
“The stars… that leads the way home, huh?” Kaveh had spoken, only to muster yet another sob.
“But why are you not home?” The alpha sobbed, “You could've been in our arms by now, but why?”
He lets his back fall over the locked door, finding himself sitting on the floor, his hand over his abdomen. Alhaitham was breathing heavily, closing his eyes shut as he let out a quiet sob.
I’m so sorry, he wanted to say, my body failed us, Kaveh. You could've been a wonderful father .
Both were at loss, grieving separately, over something they couldn't have.