Chapter Text
Okay, so I probably should have thought this through a little more, you think to yourself as you pull on the restraints, knowing it was hopeless. You didn't think the First Order was going to actually come to your small home planet and actually set up a base there. It just didn't happen to small planets like yours. For entertainment, you like to sneak into the ships that rarely dock there and take a peak inside and see what you can learn. You've been obsessed with space crafts your whole life and getting to see foreign ones was rare so you grabbed at every opportunity.
This however, was such a big mistake that you are literally kicking your past self. And your current self. Honestly, you'll probably always regret this, if you make it out of here alive.
Since you work all day at the mechanic shop, you didn't see the ship dock. You definitely didn't see the Stormtroppers march out of there or else you would have not have tried to sneak into the ship in the first place.
So when you walked into the ship, thinking you were the most sly person ever, you certainly didn't expect to see people on there. You most definitely weren't planning to see the First Order. Before you could even get out a noise, two Stormtroopers came and dragged you out and put you in a cell, on a cold chair, with cold ass restraints that are digging into your skin by the minute.
You know no one is out looking for you because your family is dead and no one here is friendly. You live in a small planet with small-minded people. You woke up, went to work, went to sleep, snuck into ships and that was your life. Every time you sneak onto a ship, you think about just taking off. But you never do. As much as you wanted to, you were too scared and not very brave. Certainly not brave enough to venture out into space alone.
You've already made peace with the face you were going to die alone on the god dammed planet. You just didn't exactly have the whole, killed-by-the-First-Oder-cause-I'm-a-sneaky-peace-of-shit, in mind.
The door suddenly opened and you perked your head up. You had it hanging behind the back of the chair, cursing yourself for being a dumbass. Honestly, no different than any other day, but this time you genuinely meant it.
Standing before you was a man with red hair peaking out of a green military hat. He also had a green suit on that had all types of badges and ribbons on it. So basically, this guy was tough shit. He had his face clean shaven, even though according to the creases around his eyes, he could easily have had a full beard. Damn those military regulations.
On the left side of his suit, there was a gold name plate that said, Hux.
He starred at you some time.
"So. Am I dead or?" you finally asked, waiting for this guy to just say something.
"What business did you have coming aboard a First Order ship?" countered Hux, not even bothering to answer your question.
"Honestly, I had no idea this was a First Order ship. I just sneak onto ships every time they're docked. Had I known, I would have definitely only thought about sneaking aboard the ship before convincing myself this would be a bad idea and then I would have gone home. Really kicking myself for not doing that, to be honest." you sighed, really feeling the regret seeking in deeper and deeper.
General Green Suit quirked and eyebrow, "May I ask why you sneak into ships that do not belong to you?"
"Okay, I know, it's stupid," you roll your eyes, "But we rarely get ships from out of planet let alone out of the star system. I get curious. I like ships. I'm good with ships."
"And you have never bothered to take one?" asked Green Suit.
"Nah," you shrugged, "It doesn't actually belong to me, does it? I would get mad if someone just stole my ship. But hey, they can admire my metaphorical ship all they want. Wait, that sounded bad. You get the idea."
Green Suit now raised both eyebrows at you, shocked at your choice of words. Honestly, your intent was to make it seem like you were some dumb kid just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Which is exactly what it was but you weren't nearly as dumb as you made yourself out to be.
"You're a mechanic." stated Hux. Not a question then, he knew.
You nod, "I am."
"You're a good mechanic that has vast knowledge of how ships work and how they are designed."
"How did you know that?" you asked.
Green Suit finally pulled out his arms from behind his back and in his hand, held a file.
"I didn't think people actually used this kind of record keeping now a days but this planet is definitely way behind in the times. You are clever, very clever. You think you can get out of this by thinking you're some dumb kid-"
"Hey, I was dumb enough to walk right into the hands of the First Order so before you go praising me, just remember that. Very stupid. Very dumb." you stated, shrugging your shoulders and hoping he wasn't going to recruit you into their cause.
"You're useful."
Well, fuck.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. The First Order has advanced ships that I have never seen before in my life. I wouldn't have a clue." you said, really trying to find your way out of this.
Green Suit opened the file up, dammit, and started to read, "Yes, but that is not your only skill, is it? It says here that you are an excellent hacker, you have several offenses of hacking into your own government, not like that's impressive but you most likely have hacked into other things as well. It says you are an extremely fast learner here in your school files, you were top of your class. Tell me, why would someone, as talented as yourself, waste away your potential on this planet?"
You were totally fucked. You starred at Green Suit, hoping that there was a complete logical explanation to this but what he had said was true, you were a genius. You could have left after school and gotten a job and have been paid shit loads of money. You were too good to be living on this planet, but you never left. And no one would know why, certainly not General Green Suit.
He smirked once he realized you were not going to answer, "You will be leaving with us. You are going to start working for the First Order. It says in your file that you also have hand to hand combat training and you were best in that as well. Let me warn you now, any sort of retaliation will result in your death."
"Awesome. When can I die?"
"Do not mistake us as fools, and most certainly, do not use that tone with us back at Starkiller base. I will not be so kind there. Neither will anyone else. I suggest you fix that attitude." General Green Suit closed the file and walked out.
You gave out a huge breath you didn't realize you were holding and rested your forehead against the cold metal table. That did not go as planned. You weren't lying when you said you would rather die. You weren't Resistance, you didn't actually care. You just wanted to live without anyone bugging you. But you weren't passionate about a cause either. You just wanted to explore ships. That's it. Who was in charge didn't matter as long as they couldn't take that way from you.
However, you know of the First Order. You thought they would never bother a planet like yours. You thought your planet would just get notice that a new government was going to take over and that would be that. You were naive and foolish to think that.
You definitely were concerned with talking to the people at this supposed 'Starkiller base.' You thought it sounded a bit too dramatic for your taste but you weren't going to tell them that. You just hoped you could keep your smart mouth to yourself but your filter wasn't as good as it used to be.
Having your parents die at age ten made you realize that you also didn't have anyone to ground you when you spoke out of turn. All you got was detention but when you returned home, you were free to do anything. Hell, you could even stay up as late as you want to.
It's not like your parents dying didn't damage you in any way, oh no, you know it did. You were definitely fucked up and damaged. But no one had to know that. No one did. No one cared for you and you didn't care for anyone. And it was easier that way. You lived your life and got into bar fights and you nursed your own wounds.
You being told what to do and how to make your living was everything you hated. That's why you never continued your training, because they were just going to ship you off to God knows where doing God knows what. You didn't want to do what everyone else was told to do.
So, you did nothing instead. But hey, you decided to do nothing. You decided to stay on planet and work as a mechanic. And that was worth something.
You fixed shit, got into fights and hacked into shit when you got bored. It wasn't the ideal life, but you lived on your own terms. Now, that was getting taken away.
After what felt like hours, you felt a jolt. You knew instantly that the ship was starting to lift above the ground. You were leaving your home. You kept your eyes closed and your head down as you tried to accept your fait. But angry tears streamed down your face and you hated it. You hated crying and you hated feeling so powerless.
You didn't know what to expect when you got there. You didn't know if you would get treated like a prisoner or a worker or somewhere in between. You didn't know if everyone was going to be horrible to you or if they would just ignore you. You didn't know anything. And that's what scared you the most.
Amongst the tears and the rapid thoughts, you fell into a fitful sleep.
You awoke to someone holding your wrists. You blinked a couple of times and looked up and saw two stormtroppers unlocking your restraints. General Green Suit was standing at the door.
"We have arrived at Starkiller base."
You only nodded. You were never a talkative person when you woke up from sleep. You were usually grumpy and snappy but you opted to say nothing, considering the circumstances, saying "no shit" would probably get you whipped or something like that.
One of the stormstoppers pushing you to your feet. They didn't cuff you but they most certainly were keeping an eye on you. You weren't stupid enough to escape. You were usually smart enough to talk yourself out of a situation. Not this time.
Walking down the familiar ramp you walked up just hours ago, you saw dozens of stormroppers marching, ships landing and being moved. There was a lot of yelling and noises that made your sleep addled brain want to explode. There were people waiting for you, or rather, the ship.
One was a stormtropper but you could tell this one was a big deal because their armor was silver instead of white, with a red cape. Next to them, was a person in a black suit, with a black cape and a mask that looks like it has been through some shit.
You didn't know whether to be scared or to laugh because honestly, the whole thing was a bit ridiculous and dramatic.
"General Hux." said the Silver Storm. Their voice was that of a woman. Once again, you didn't know whether to feel impressed or terrified.
"Captain." replied Green Suit, making it clear that your assessment was correct, Silver Storm was a big deal.
"General," said Black Bandit. His voice was absurdly deep, making it obvious the mask obviously did something to his voice to make it sound like that. Adding to the evidence that this whole thing was one bad drama movie that you just happened to land yourself in. "You seem to have brought company."
Green Suit stood aside so you were now in full view of the Silver Storm and Black Bandit. (You were amused by your nicknames, proving the fact that you always had inappropriate timing.) It was eery, being viewed by the two. You couldn't tell if they were actually starring at you and you couldn't see their face so you had no clue what they were thinking about you.
"This is someone whom I picked up from the planet we were establishing our new combat base on. She snuck onto the ship. Naturally, I was just going to execute her for infiltrating the First Order but it seems like she will be of value to us. She is a very skilled mechanic and an even better hacker. Which is what we need if we're going to use our weapon to take down those systems." explained Green Suit.
"She is not Resistance?" inquired Silver Storm.
"Negative. She has no affiliation. She's nobody."
"Okay, that's offensive. You were just bragging about me and now you insulted me. Way to win over the person who it looks like you need the most." you retorted.
Your comment was meant with awkward silence.
"Ah, yes. That's the only problem. She has a mouth on her." sighed Green Suit, shaking his head.
"Not an issue," stated Black Bandit, "She'll learn her place."
You thought about saying something but this guy really did not seem like the type to just take your comments in stride like Green Suit did. He seemed like the guy to throw you across the room and knock you out while enjoying the whole thing. So, you did the first thing right in the past two hours. You shut the hell up.
Green Suit hummed in agreement and was clearly surprised you didn't retort, "Yes. I shall show her to her quarters. She'll begin work tomorrow."
Silver Storm and Black Bandit both nodded and turned around and walked away, capes billowing as they walked. God, this was a horrible drama movie.
Green Suit began walking as well and you were pushed to get a move on. You gave a sharp look to the stormtropper but continued to keep quiet.
As you walked, you entered through two big doors. You were taken through a maze of hallways and different doors. You tried to keep track of where you were but you knew it was hopeless, this place was confusing as all hell. You wouldn't make it out of here blind. You would have to study the place. Which meant you had to get comfortable here for a little while. You sighed as you continued to walk and hoped that at least the bed was comfortable.
Green Suit finally stopped outside of a steel door that looked exactly like all the rest had. He turned and faced you, "This is where you will be staying. This is the only entrance and exit. Guards will be on you at all times. You are not to go anywhere without being companied by someone. You will begin your work tomorrow."
"Do I get paid for this so called work?" you asked, not hoping for much.
"Yes," Green Suit said, "Your life."
He put in a code on the pad near the door and laid his hand flat down on the screen. The doors opened. The stormtropper pushed you along and you entered into the room. Without saying anything, the doors wooshed closed and you were left alone. On StarKiller base.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
You were surprised how spacious the room was, however. Straight ahead was a bed that was big enough for two people. There was a bedside table with a lamp and clock. On the other side of the bed, there another door with a handle, so you went and opened it and there was a bathroom complete with a shower and toilet. Which was good, cause oh boy did you have to take a piss.
You didn't bother to button your pants back up and you went over to the closet that was behind in the room with your bed. In there was black pants and black shirts. And black shoes. You sighed and pulled open the dresser that also in the closet and found underwear, socks and a night shirt which was, shockingly, black.
At this point, you didn't give a shit and you changed quickly out of your clothes and into the black night shirts and fell on the bed, too tired to try and think of a way to get you out of the mess you landed yourself in.
With heavy eyes, you drifted asleep.
You awake to very loud, excessive beeping and rolled over to hit your snooze button and go back to sleep. Maybe you could call in sick today, not like there was anything to do around the shop besides wait for someone to come in and complain about their ship not working when in reality it was the owner not taking care of the ship.
But you rolled over and saw that this was not your side table. Nor it was your alarm clock, or bed. And then the past days events washed over you and you had a terrible feeling in your stomach. You sat up and rubbed you eyes with the palms of your hands. Wishing this was a dream, knowing it wasn't worth wishing.
You climbed out of the bed, your feet touching the cold floor and you shivered right away. All you wanted was a hot shower and to not feel like death.
You went into the bathroom and undressed yourself and stepped into the shower and turned the heat all the way up. You let the hot water wash over you for ten minutes. With your eyes closed and your head titled back, you though of the things they were going to have you do today. General Green Suit said they needed someone to hack into the other stay systems. Which means they need to get ahold of defenses that the systems had so they could make them weak. Okay. You know you could do that.
Should you do that? Should you go along with everything they're doing so you could stay alive? You didn't fear death, not when you weren't so close to it. But you were facing it. One wrong move and you could be slaughtered. You've heard stories about how the First Order treats those who are not loyal. You didn't believe them. Now you did.
Your morals weren't always so black and white. You knew you weren't this hero who would be willing to die for the greater good. But you weren't someone who wanted destruction and chaos and death. You wanted to live your life and look at ships. That's all. So how you landed into this situation was beyond you.
After ten minutes of just standing there, you finally started to wash your hair and your body. Once that was done, you turned off the water and grabbed a towel that was hanging outside the shower and quickly dried off. You looking in the drawer by the sink and found a hair dryer and dried your hair. It was long and frizzy. But you weren't here to impress anyone.
You walked out of the bathroom in the towel and went in the closet and put on the clothes. The shirt fit alright, but the pants were a little awkward fitting you had a feeling you would be pulling them up a lot throughout the day. Damn, even in StarKiller base, nice pants are still hard to come by.
After hanging up your towel back in the bathroom to dry, you walked back into the center of the room. You weren't sure what to do but you remembered that Green Suit said there was going to be someone outside at all times, so you knocked on the door. The doors opened after a few moments and you were met with Silver Storm.
"You are to follow me to your work area." said Silver Storm and turned around and began walking. You followed.
Two stormtroppers were walking behind you while Silver Storm kept in front. Even as others passed, no one glanced your way. Everyone was looking straight ahead, with blasters glued to their hands. Making a run for it was certainly out of the question.
After a few minutes of silent walking, you got bored so naturally you decided to speak, "Where exactly am I going?"
"To your work station." replied Silver Storm.
"Right. I got that. What exactly will I be doing?" you asked.
"General Hux and Master Ren will be giving you instruction. I'm just making sure you get there." said Silver Storm.
"Master Ren? Oh, you mean the guy who was standing next to you yesterday when I got off the ship?"
"Yes." she replied, making is seem as though that was the end of the conversation. So you didn't push the whole rest of the way there and you remained silent.
After more confusing twists and turns and wondering who the hell designed this place, you were standing in front of two medal doors that opened at Silver Storms command.
When you entered the room, your jaw dropped. There were dozens of screens and computers lined up. It was a hackers paradise. You walked further into the room and got closer to the devices.
"Impressive, isn't it?"
You turned around and saw that General Green Suit and the Black Bandit were standing there, watching you. Silver Storm and the others seem to have already gone while you were too busy ogling the technology.
"What am I to be doing?" you asked.
"Simple, you hack into the other star systems defenses. They have shields and we need them completely vulnerable." said Green Suit.
"If I don't?" you dared to ask.
"You die." said Black Bandit.
"Comforting." you muttered and turned to look at the screens once more.
"I must go. Master Ren here will discuss things further with you and what will happen if you don't follow orders." said Green Suit and left the room.
You never thought you would miss General Green Suit in your life. But you were silently wishing he was back here because you had a bad feeling about this Black Bandit guy. Not like Green Suit was friendly, but he seemed in control. This guy seemed like he had no rules. Which means you were going to have to watch yourself even more.
After a few moments, Black Bandit finally spoke, "You will hack into their system and I will give you a week to do so. You will be delivered meals and you will be a break during the day. If you fail to hack into the system, I am going to assume General Hux failed in finding a competent enough hacker and you will be of no use anymore. Do you understand?"
"I do." you replied.
The Black Bandit walked closer to you and stood looked in the direction of the screens, "We have made it so you have a starting point. You just need to get past what we couldn't. One week. Remember that."
Blank Bandit made another dramatic exit as his cape flowed behind him. You watched him go and then directed your attention back to the screens and monitors. There was a black chair at the desk and you sat in it. You took a deep breath and cracked your fingers.
You will have another moral crisis in the shower tomorrow morning, for right now, living seemed a hell of a lot better so you got to work.
Once you got back to your room, you planted face first into the bed and let out a load grown. Not sure if the guards outside can hear you, but also not caring cause holy fuck, this was harder than anything you've ever hacked before. And General Green Suit was right, you've hacked into a lot of things.
You barley made a dent. You mostly got yourself familiar with everything. You knew it wasn't going to be easy but it was also a shit ton harder than you expected. How they expected for you to get past the defenses in a week was beyond you. At least they were providing you with food, as they said they would. And it wasn't bad food either. It was large meals and they brought snack food and water for you to have throughout the day. All in all, it could have been worse.
You would rather not be held by the First Order against your will with death looming around the corner, but still, all in all, not too bad. You rolled onto your back, knowing you needed to get up and change into your sleep clothes but not wanting to move an inch.
You were about to drift off when you heard the doors open, you sprang up right away and saw the Black Bandit in the doorway.
This was...Unexpected, to say the least. This guy did not look like one to have a social talk and a drink after work.
Before you had a chance to say anything stupid like, what the fuck or, get the hell out, he spoke first, "Your progress?"
"Minimal," you replied, "But that's to be expected right now. I'm just now learning how your guys' technology works because I come from a planet with outdated shit. It's not going to be easy and it certainly won't take me just a few hours. I need time. It's not impossible, nothing is when it comes to hacking. I just need to find the right holes."
"You remember what I told you?"
"Yeah, I get it. I'll die if I don't figure it out. I got it. You literally picked the worst person for this job, you know." you rolled your eyes.
"Are you not skilled in hacking?" it wasn't a question. You knew he was asking what you meant by that.
"Nothing to fight for. You should have gotten a Resistance or something and threatened them. I don't have people I care about."
"And yet, here you are. But you would be surprised. Most Resistance would let their friends die before they did something for the First Order." replied the Black Bandit.
"They believe dying for the greater good." you stated.
"You don't." it wasn't a question.
"I believe it's more complicated than that. Things are more complicated than that. It's not dark or light that everyone keeps saying. It's... a lot of in-between." you finally concluded.
The Black Bandit did not reply, but stood there a moment. His head titled at you, like he was confused. For the first time, you wondered what was underneath that helmet. He stood a few moments longer, and then finally made his leave and walked out the door.
You shook your head a few times, trying to make something of that conversation. You believed that you baffled him for a moment. As you do most people when you talk about the Dark and Light side. You've heard many stories about both of these sides. How one is evil and the other is good. How some people have the Force some some use it for good but some others turn to the Dark Side. But you always thought there was more to it than that.
Nothing was purely good, not even the best people. Even the best had their days. You remembered your mother and how kind and caring she was but how angry and harsh she could get. If the good are not purely good, then could the evil be purely evil? Does the Dark Side love and care for a select few? What of their families? Those are the questions you always asked yourself.
Of course, it gave no justification to what the Dark Side has done, but you always wondered. You couldn't see how a person could just be one thing. You thought of all the bad things in your life you had done. You're a lair, no doubt about that. You were always doing something you weren't supposed to. You were too nosy for your own good. And you could not control your attitude.
But you also didn't want to kill anyone who opposed you, so there was that. But you've always known that things were more complicated than good and bad. There is always more to it than that. And for some reason, the Black Bandit was curious about your response.
Deciding you were not going to think any more of it tonight because your brain was absolutely fried, you decided it was time to go to bed. You quickly changed out of your work clothes and into your sleep clothes and fell to sleep.
The past few days passed in a blur of codes and lines and fast typing. You were slowly getting somewhere. You were past some of the walls that were up in the systems defenses, but you were by no means past the hardest ones that you were sure were yet to come the deeper you got. Oddly enough, you liked doing it, if you didn't think about why you were doing it or who you were doing it for.
General Green Suit came in a few times to ask how you were doing but that was the most human interaction you've had. You hadn't seen the Black Bandit since the first night he came into check on your work. You were only guessing what you said had struck a chord with him, but now you knew. Why else would he not be showing up to check in again?
Well, at least you weren't dead. Yet.
On the fifth day, you were to the point where you wanted to rip your hair out and throw something against the wall. The defenses were good, very good and you were having a difficult time getting through. You stood up and decided to pace around, to stretch and to not feel to anxious. You had two more days to crack this shit, and you were almost on full panic mode. You groaned in frustration as you hurled an apple that was left from your lunch at the wall.
Clearly you didn't realize you had company, because when you turned around you were face to face with the Black Bandit. You must have not heard the doors when you were having a panic attack.
"For someone who has no one they care about, you certainly are taking this very seriously." said the Black Bandit, he sounded like he was amused.
You knew you were probably going to get in trouble for this but damn you were having a bad day and you needed to vent, "It's their damn defense. It's the best I thing I've ever seen. You try to hack into it. Oh, wait. You can't. That's why you have me. So please, if you're here to irritate me more, congrats, it's working. I actually want to live because I like being alive so yes, it's frustrating I only have a week to hack into one of the best systems with only General Green Suit and the Black Bandit as my company!"
You take a deep breath and exhale loudly and you know you're fucked.
"Who... Who are you referring to?" asked the Black Bandit.
Oh shit, you had actually said that out loud.
Too annoyed to even care, "You and Hux. My nicknames for you guys to keep myself entertained."
"I see."
There was an awkward silence.
"I honestly that you would have killed me by now." you admitted.
"I was forewarned you had an attitude. And judging the state of you when I walked in, it was obvious that you were not in a pleasant mood." stated the Black Bandit.
You actually laughed, "No. This is the most frustrating situation I've ever landed myself in."
"And yet you never gave me answer. You seem very eager to do this even though you said you were the wrong person for this job. You had no one to care for. Your parents?" he asked.
"Not up for discussion." you replied right away, not wanting to talk about any part of her past with a stranger,
"You don't have to talk. I can take." he said.
Confused, "What-"
But you were cut off and you felt your body go numb and memories started resurfacing. Your parents taking you to school. Your parents making dinner. Your dad showing you how to fight. Your mom reading you books about ships. Your moms spells when she broke down in tears at anything. Your dad crying because he didn't know how to make it better. You crying because there was nothing you could do either. You in garage trying to build a ship. Your parents coming to tell you dinner is ready. Your parents-
No. This is not your mind, you cannot take from me as you please. You need to LEAVE.
Your energy refocused on the man in front of you and you started feeling rage, confusion, hatred, loneliness, nothing like you've ever felt before...
"ENOUGH."
Your concentration broke and you were gasping. Your forehead was sweating and the room was too hot for comfort. You looked up at Kylo Ren. The man who you just saw the mind of. You didn't know how, but you knew that is what you did. Except this time, his helmet wasn't on, but he was not facing towards you. All you saw was black hair. You did not know what his face looked like but you saw from the tension in his body that you did something bad, very bad.
After agonizing moments, he spoke, "Get back to your work."
And he left you standing there, more confused than you ever ever been. More in doubt of yourself than you can remember being.
After the incident, the rest of the day passed by in a blur. You didn't want to think of what happened with Kylo Ren, as you were now referring him to. You couldn't call him the Black Bandit anymore. You was much more than a man in a mask with a dramatic walk, he was a man with feelings that was so complex, you could barely grasp it. You flung yourself into the work as much as you could.
You couldn't help but let your mind wander to what happened. You remember him trying to enter your mind, you knew that's what he was doing. You remember not wanting him to see one memory and you snapped. All you wanted was for him to stop though. You didn't want to enter his mind in return. But that's what happened. You knew that this wasn't something everyone could do, you knew something was wrong.
You felt different ever since that moment. Your body was buzzing with some type of energy you couldn't describe. Every time you closed your eyes for more than three seconds, you felt something flow through you. Whatever it was, you knew Kylo Ren must have it to. And that's what scares you the most. He clearly wasn't happy that you did.
Does this mean he was going to kill you, no matter if you hacked into the system or not? Will all of this be for nothing? You didn't want to dwell on these questions but you couldn't help yourself.
After what felt like hours, you heard the doors slide open and you stood up, knowing it was another work day ended. General Green Suit stood before you, "I trust you made some progress today?"
You only nodded, not finding the energy to talk. General Green Suit looked at you funny, but did not say anything and walked out of the room, knowing you would follow. Every step felt heavy. Your legs felt weak.
Once you back to your quarters, you made a beeline to the bathroom and started the shower. You sat on the shower floor with the hot water pounding at you as you cradled your head in your hands. You didn't know what was happening to you, but you felt something inside of you, something awakening.
You heard someone come into your room before your alarm even went off. You had just fallen asleep not even an hour ago as you looked to the clock first. You sat up and turned on the bedside light.
For once, you weren't surprised to see Kylo Ren.
The doors slid shut behind him and you two were alone in your room. You stood up and walked in front of the bed to face him, if he was going to kill you, you were going to go with some dignity at least. You would die trying.
"Are you going to kill me?" you asked. You'd rather have a warning.
"Not right now." he replied.
You snorted, "Well, at least you're honest. What did you want?"
"I figured we would discuss what happened earlier." he replied casually.
You crossed your arms, "Really? I had a feeling that was not going to be up for discussion."
He merely tilted his head.
After a few moments you sighed and untucked your arms, "Alright, fine. Let's talk. But please, take of the mask. It's creepy."
You expected him to deny you, but to your surprise, he instantly reached for his helmet and took it off, dropping it with a loud clang on the floor.
"I don't know what I was expecting, but that was not it." you say, as you take Kylo Rens face in for the first time. He was young, maybe a few years older than you. He had a big nose and mouth, and a few moles around his face. His hair also looked like the First Order has a secret evil hair salon where they go and get their hair done.
He was captivating. Interesting.
"What were you expecting?" asked Kylo, eyebrows raising.
"A middle aged man with a beard and a huge scar across his face, honestly." you replied.
You though you saw his mouth quirk up in a smile but it was gone in an instant.
"Are you familiar with the Force?" asked Kylo, stepping closer to you as he talked.
You nodded, "Of course, who isn't?"
"Indeed. Congratulations. You have it."
"You're shitting me."
He looked taken aback by your language but replied, "No, I am not."
"Oh, no. No. No. It has to do with that Dark Side and Light Side bullshit? No, no way. Can I get rid of it? I don't want it. Nope. Count me out." you ranted, suddenly pacing back and forth, Kylo's eyes on you the whole time.
"The Force is rare and only few people are gifted with it. You should feel lucky." said Kylo with an edge to his voice.
You stopped suddenly and faced him, "Lucky? You think I should feel lucky? There are galaxies at war about this shit! I don't want to be at war! I want to finish whatever the hell this is and go home! I want to work on ships and live my life peacefully. I don't want this."
"You have it. And you would be foolish to ignore it. You've felt different ever since that moment? An energy running through you?" he stepped closer to you, "It won't ever go away. The more you ignore it now that it has awakened, the more it will try to make itself known."
The back of your knees hit the bed, you sat down and starred. This could not be happening to you. You were no one special. Hell, you didn't even want to be special. But Kylo Ren was telling you that no matter what you did, this wouldn't go away.
"What do I do?" you ask him in a whisper.
"You let me teach you." he replied.
Your eyes flicker to him, "You are apart of the Dark Side."
"I am. I will show you the power. The strength we have." he said, obviously trying to convince you.
There was a tug. The same energy you felt earlier was coming back. It was urging you to accept Kylo's offer. To join him. To raise to power.
And then there was another side, telling you to go. To get away. To get out. To run, run, run...!
You didn't realize you had closed your eyes and all of a sudden you're on your feet, swaying. Kylo has reached his arm out, as if to go to steady you.
"It... Feels like I'm being ripped in two. How do I choose?" you ask, still trying to find your focus.
"What happened to your parents?" Kylo asked, completely ignoring your question.
You look up at him and into his eyes and you see pure determination in them, "Why are you so keen to know?"
"Because I believe that's what is tearing you apart."
"I don't want you in my mind." you say.
"Just that one memory. Focus on that one. Let me in." said Kylo, resting his hand on your shoulder, it coming to hover near your cheek.
You close your eyes, focusing on the memory you have been trying to forget for years. You feel Kylo in your mind, but you have better control of it. You know he's there and you focus on what you want him to see and only that.
The memory is of you when you were just ten years old, but already showing signs of being a child prodigy. Those were rare in your home planet so you were the talk of the town. Your parents were constantly asked about you and how you became so smart. Your dad says it's definitely not from his side of the family. Your mom says they were blessed with a smart child. You didn't know, all you knew was that you liked learning. Especially learning things about ships.
You were only ten when you went to the local junk yard and picked up pieces of different parts of ships and put them into your sack. You wanted to make a model ship for show and tell. It was going to be your own design with your own features. You have never built anything like it before, but you thought it wouldn't be too hard. So you picked up parts and left for home, excited to build.
When you got home, your parents asked what you were up to. You said it was a project and skipped off to the garage where you spent most of your time. They laughed and your mom called she would come get you for dinner. Your dog barked up at you and eagerly followed you, wanting to keep you company.
You started right away and began building and building. Hours passed and you knew dinner was drawing near but you weren't going to stop until your mom came and got you. You pulled out a piece from your bag and looked at it, remembering it was odd but you thought it looked cool so you grabbed it.
Taking the piece, you examined it and realized it was too big so you were going to have to chip some of it away. That's when you heard your mom come into the garage, "It's time for dinner, sweetheart."
"Okay, one second." you said, getting ready to chip at the piece.
You heard you dad chuckle and step into the garage and called to Shelly, your dog to come along to. You hit the piece. It exploded. You blacked out. You woke up and you were being shaken by your mom, telling you to wake up.
You looked over and saw your dad lying down on the floor, but saw that he was also in flames, along with Shelly. You starred in horror. Your mom shook you even more. You looked over to her and she was crying, tugging at you. You got up and followed her. The smoke was making it hard to see and to breathe, but you both kept low.
Suddenly, your mom was tugging you in front of her and you were shoved through the door into the room that led to the garage. You looked behind you to see if your mom was right there, but she wasn't, you couldn't see anything. There was too much smoke.
"Mom! Mom! Where are you?! Mom?" you screamed. But no reply.
The smoke and flames were growing and was pushing you further away from the door. You ran outside and screamed for help.
Suddenly, you were jerked back to the present, Kylo's hand pressed to your cheek. Your eyes opening to see Kylo starring down at you.
You cleared your throat, "Now you know. I killed my own parents when I was ten."
"It was an accident." he replied.
"If I hadn't brought that object to my house, they wouldn't have died." you replied, emotionless.
Kylo didn't rebuttal. He removed his hand and took a step back from you.
"When I... Entered your mind on accident earlier," you cleared your throat, "I felt your emotions. How confused you are and the anger you feel. Is that what it's like to be on the Dark Side?"
Kylo looked away from you and didn't answer for a few moments, "Most do not feel what I feel."
"So, what, it's complicated?" you asked, attempting humor, probably failing.
He looked back over at you, "Something like that. But it's clear you feel the same."
You nodded, "I do not have a strong pull towards the Resistance nor the Dark Side. Both sides are pulling at me. Like it's up for me to choose. I think some people just know, like there is no other choice. Both you and me have things in our past that prevent us from picking a side. I think I know why."
He titled his head, implying for you to continue.
"There is both Light and Dark inside of us. But we live in a world where you have to be one or the other. There in so in between. But here we are. While there is Light in you, there is a strong pull to the Darkness. And while I know the Darkness is not for me, I understand it, I feel it and I even empathize with it. I feel that way towards the light as well."
Honestly, you were confusing yourself. None of it made sense you just wanted someone to take the Force from you. You weren't up to having this internal battle.
You looked up at Kylo, "Kylo Ren. That doesn't sound like a birth name."
"It is not. It is a name I came up with after I killed the man before I became Kylo Ren."
"What was his name?" you asked.
"Ben Solo." he said.
"You are the son of Han Solo?" you asked, barely believing it. You heard stores about Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. You didn't know what was true and wha was exaggerated.
"I was the son of Han Solo." he replied, jaw set. Clearly no arguing with that.
"What made you come to the Dark Side?" you asked.
"Supreme Leader Snoke found me and showed me the real use of the Force. The power. Something I would like to teach you as well." he replied, straightening his back out.
"Okay, first of all, Supreme Leader Snoke? Really? I guess you can't make that shit up. It sounds like a nickname I would give," you took a deep breath, "I'm not saying no. Because I am curious about what I can do and what the Dark Side has to offer. I'm honestly more curious about you."
"Why?" he asked, taken back.
"There's more to you than what most would think. And you and I have a lot more in common than I thought." you say.
Kylo didn't reply to that, he picked up his helmet and placed it back on his head. Turning him once more into the Black Bandit.
"I will give you until you are finished with your work to decide." he finally said.
"If I refuse?" you ask.
"You won't. I'm humoring you." he said.
With that, he walked out of your room and you were left standing there. Wondering how your parents would feel is they found out you were considering going to the Dark Side. More than that, because you were curious about a boy who looked more than what he seemed.