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'Trauma is a funny thing, don't you think', she turns the pill around in her fingers, slender and long and suddenly so .. big. She's not used to her old form, that crazy form that's been haunted by shadows, chased by demons and almost been blown up by her past. She'll never get used to it. She'll never get used to having to go through it again and again, waking up drenched in sweat because it's yet another nightmare.
He dies every night.
So does she.
She swallows the pill, the label reads Escitalopram 20mg. He told her to seek help, has heard her terrified screams at night whenever he stays over because he can sense she's not doing well.
It's a pity he's not moving in, the house is so big and empty since the professor ... she shivers, taking a sip of her cold coffee that's still standing on her desk, black and somewhat watery and just disgusting.
"I need new coffee," she mumbles, the cup in her hand and she makes her way up the stairs, relief coursing through her veins when she can hear him rummaging through the kitchen, clearly looking for something to cook. He's terrible, still, but she won't tell him, too touched by him at least trying to be there for her. She knows he's suffering, too, and he's trying to hide it.
At times, she's sure he doesn't come over to keep her company but it's the screams and the sound of gunshots that won't let him rest either.
He seeks understanding, she seeks warmth. They get each other in the most twisted way possible, bound by a fate called Death.
"Haibara, you're up."
She acknowledges him with a short nod and a "Kudo-kun" before setting down the cup and moving to brew new coffee. Except there's pipping hot coffee in the professor's old mug.
Teeth being gritted, she grabs the mug and it doesn't happen often that she explodes, not since she's started taking those goddamn pills, anger making her scream at him but right now? She'd love to throw a "How fucking dare you!" at him.
"Are you serious?"
He looks up from the pan he's still holding, gaze serious and it almost looks lile he's about to crack a case. He tries so hard and she throws it into his face, every single time.
"I told you not to use his stuff."
His face falls and so does the pan, a loud bang making them both flinch and her heart race. The nightmares will never end, won't they?
"It's for you, I-"
"Get lost."
"Wha-"
"Fuck off!"
She shouts now, the tears prickling in her eyes and oh, how she hates being weak. How she hates showing him this side of her, the emotions she kept hidden inside like Pandora's box and somehow, he was smart enough to figure out her biggest weakness, the smallest secrets she never dared to say out loud. He cracks her open, reaches inside her chest and claims what he sees.
She hates him.
It's so hard to love him sometimes.
"Haibara-"
"Go!"
Thankfully, he learns not to push her anymore. Looking like a kicked puppy, he nods before gesturing wordlessly towards the food he tried to prepare for her before walking towards the door. When it falls into its lock, she steps closer, eyes falling on the scrambled eggs.
They taste salty, too salty.
But it may just be her tears ruining the taste of love, who knows.