Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mark turns the gun in his hand over and over again. The once cold metal is now warm with the heat emanating from his palm. The pistol is loaded. The safety is off. Yet Mark sits on his bed, dazed and fiddling with his gun. He changes the grip he has on it often. Sometimes his index finger finds the trigger and he lets it rest there before sliding it out and wrapping his fingers around the barrel. 

He isn't debating whether to use it or not. He won't pull the trigger. He just needs something to fiddle with. Mark's eyes wander to his open door. The hallway outside is alarmingly dark and obscures most of what should normally be seen. Mark doesn't know if it's a side effect or if he's truly gone insane. 

The flip of a page from the other side of the room catches his attention. His eyes flit toward the sound. 

Under normal circumstances, this would be normal. The two of them in this room together, sometimes talking, sometimes not. But this isn't under normal circumstances. Mark has a gun in his hand. His door is open. 

No matter how natural and familiar this is, nothing can distract him from the fact that whatever is sitting in his chair, absentmindedly flipping through his bible, is not Cesar. 

“You like this? This is so boring,” Cesar complains. It's not Cesar but Mark is still going to call him by that name.

Mark sighs, a little annoyance evident in the noise. “Stop reading it then, it's not supposed to be entertainment.”

Cesar doesn't respond. 

This must be the psychological warfare they were talking about. It has to be.

Mark didn't expect to see Cesar standing so calmly outside his door after he opened it. However Mark isn't stupid. He knows Cesar is dead. He just didn't expect the alternate who took his form to act like this. He couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger.

Three days in his room without any food or water and Mark can't bring himself to get off his bed and go to the kitchen to eat something. He won't look at Cesar but he's painfully aware of his presence. He doesn't know what the alternate will do. 

Mark flinches as Cesar closes the book. But he doesn't do much other than shift through his belongings. Mark doesn't know if he should be stopping Cesar from invading his privacy. It's not like it really matters at this point. However he freezes when Cesar finds a specific stack of papers he hid in one of his lower drawers. He doesn't even think before springing off his bed towards Cesar. 

“Don't read that!” Mark tries to rip the paper Cesar chose to read first out of his hands but Cesar pulls away from him quickly. 

“Too late,” Cesar grins as he uses one arm to fend off Mark and the other to hold the paper up to read. However he quickly grows irritated at Mark's relentlessness and decides to hook his arm around his neck and press Mark against himself, smothering him. At this, Mark stops struggling immediately. Cesar doesn't seem to find this strange as he starts to read whatever Mark wrote on the paper.

“Your handwriting is atrocious,” he comments. Mark only slightly processes what he said, too distracted by the position they're in right now. Being this close to an alternate is probably against every protocol that ever exists. Yet Cesar isn't making any more moves on Mark, he seems engrossed in the paper in fact. But Mark can't help but feel the icy fear crawling through his veins that seem to heighten with each passing second.  

“Damn, you're quite religious, you know this stuff is useless, right?” Cesar says. Mark blinks. He tries to shuffle out of Cesar's hold but Cesar seems to think it's another act of defiance and tightens his grip. Mark should open his mouth, tell Cesar to let him go because he won't fight back anymore. But no sound can come out of his throat. Why is this stupid alternate so curious about him anyway?

Cesar puts the paper down without any further comments and doesn't reach for the other papers. 

“Mar-”

“Can you let go of me?” 

Cesar stares at him in slight surprise. Shit. He didn't mean to cut him off. He blurted out the words before he could process anything. Cesar doesn't let him go. Mark doesn't know if he's stronger than the alternate. If they have some secret super strength or something. He doesn't care to find out, not moving even when Cesar isn't holding him down tightly. 

He left the gun on the bed. He can't go grab it. 

Cesar smirks and finally lets him go. Mark shoots up and stumbles backwards, landing back on his bed. It's only now that he realizes that he's out of breath. He grips the fabric of his hoodie in front of his chest as he calms down his own breathing. Cesar watches him patiently the entire time until Mark starts breathing somewhat normally.

“Mark,” Mark looks at Cesar, “Are you scared of me?” 

“Well no fucking shit,” Mark spits out. Of course he is. There are things terrorizing Mandela County, so much so that there are broadcasts and protocols enforced upon everyone within the damn place. Entities picking off and killing humans, driving them to madness, to death. And one of them is sitting in front of Mark in the form of his neighbor. 

Cesar looks at him like he's amusing. 

“But you aren't as scared as you were when I was outside your door.” Mark looks at the door and looks back at Cesar. It's true. But that's because…

“It's because I look like him, right?” Mark swallows. He's been desperately avoiding thinking about it the entire time but to hear the alternate say it out loud like that is quite chilling. The fact that he can stay calm and almost act normal because it's taken the form of Cesar. Even still calling it Cesar to cling onto his sanity. 

“It's good that,” Mark says quietly, “You look exactly like him.”

Cesar laughs. They both know what he means by that. Just like Cesar. No mistakes. No differences. No biological impossibilities. 

Cesar goes back to shuffling through Mark's things. Mark doesn't care anymore. He falls backwards onto his bed. He flinches when his back hits the gun. He forgot about it. The entire situation is ridiculous. 

Looking back towards Cesar, Mark sees he's going through a different stack of papers he doesn't really care about. Probably some old school assignments. The papers Cesar was reading earlier are stacked neatly and placed in the corner of the table. 

“You can read?” Mark asks. Mostly out of the fact that he found it interesting that alternates can read and not because he wasn't sure. Still, Cesar turns to him looking almost offended. It's so familiar that Mark almost forgets the situation he's in.

Cesar doesn't deign Mark's question with a response. That's a core difference between the alternate and Cesar. The alternate doesn't seem to be too keen on talking unlike Cesar. Mark suspects it's because he's afraid of making mistakes. Mark remembers the amount of times he's told Cesar to quit his yapping. What he wouldn't do to hear him go off about something completely random one more time. 

“Why did you use a different voice earlier?” Mark asks. His curiosity outweighs his fear. “When you were outside my door.”

Cesar looks back towards Mark like he's a bit annoyed at having to talk so much but relents. “I thought hearing Cesar's mom's voice would put you more at ease.”

It really didn't.

“Are you able to do it again?” 

“Of course I can.” Cesar looks confused as if Mark is doubting his abilities. 

“No I mean like-” Mark fiddles with his gun again. “I want you to do it again because I'm curious.”

“Really? Okay.” 

What Mark didn't expect was for Cesar to stand up and move closer to him. 

“What- Why are you-”

Cesar puts his left hand on Mark's right shoulder and leans forward to Mark's left. It's not like Mark hasn't been this close to Cesar before. They've hugged before. Yeah. This is a hug, this is Cesar hugging Mark and not an alternate invading his personal spa-

“Let me in, Mark. I have a gift for you.”

Mark shoves Cesar off of him and he probably would have apologized if Cesar didn't seem completely unbothered.

“Nevermind, hearing that voice come from your face is weird.”

“I thought so, aren't humans supposed to go insane when we do that?” Cesar shrugs from on the ground.

Mark wonders how much of the body language Cesar shows is genuine and how much is an act. Is any of it genuine? 

“I think I am going insane,” Mark says. 

Cesar stares at him. It's unnerving. Mark chalks it up to maybe the alternate doesn't know how to respond and is trying to come up with what to say. However staring at him without moving or showing any type of emotion while doing so makes him squirm. 

“Why are you doing that?” Cesar says.

“Doing what.”

“You're scared again. I didn't even say or do anything.”

Mark huffs out a laugh of exasperation, covering his face with his hands. “This is what makes you an alternate.” 

The constant reminder kills him every time.

“Then…” Cesar hesitates. Mark raises his head out of his hands to look at him. “Teach me how to be human.”

Mark blinks. A sort of dawning revelation and creeping dread slowly seeps into his mind. 

It's not like Cesar seems keen on hurting Mark. The past 30 minutes seem like a fever dream but Mark isn't hurt anywhere except maybe his mental state. The conversations they had were pretty normal, omitting the slight hiccups. Mark can work with this. 

If he teaches this alternate how to be human, how to blend in, how to act like Cesar, then maybe nothing needs to change. 

“Okay,” Mark says, “Stay with me. I'll teach you how to be like Cesar.” 

The alternate smiles at him. Cesar smiles at him. 

“Okay.”

“This means you won't kill me, right?” 

Cesar's eyes dart to the gun in Mark's hand for a split second.

“No.” 

Mark smiles too. He himself doesn't even know if it's genuine. Sliding down from his bed to crouch in front of Cesar, Mark extends his hand to him. 

“Deal?” 

“Yes?” Cesar looks at Mark's hand, not knowing what to do. Mark sighs.

“We have to shake hands. It's how to agree on a deal. This is your first lesson.” Mark grabs Cesar's hand from his side and shakes it. 

“Oh, okay.”

There's a few beats of silence. 

“Um, I'll be right back,” Mark says. He shoots out of the room and towards the kitchen. Cesar doesn't follow him.

Chapter Text

Mark wakes up on the kitchen floor. Groaning from how sore the hard ground made him, he tries to push himself up. It's not the most comfortable place to rest but it's the most sleep he's gotten in days. Then he locks eyes with something staring at him from the corner. He jolts upwards into a sitting position.

“Cesar.” 

“Hi.”

“How long have you been standing there?” 

“I got bored after you didn't go back to your room for a while. So I came here.” 

Mark doesn't think about how long Cesar was there watching him sleep.

“Did you sleep?” Mark asks.

Cesar tilts his head in confusion. “I don't need to.”

Mark sighs. He'll deal with that later. Dusting himself off as he stands up, Mark scans the kitchen.

“Why is it so messy here?” he asks, a bit irked. 

“It's not just here, I went through your entire house.” Cesar responds nonchalantly. 

“Why.” Mark turns to look at Cesar. The thought of cleaning everything up is already making him tired. 

“Cesar liked you a lot. I want to know why.”

Mark blinks. “Oh.” He considers whether he wants Cesar to elaborate on that or not before he changes the subject.

“You didn't eat, right? Humans are supposed to eat.” Cesar starts digging through some cabinets. Mark doesn't bother telling him to stop.

“Yeah but we can go pretty long without food.”

Cesar looks at him with interest. “How long?” 

“Like three weeks.” 

“Huh? Can't you guys just eat once every three weeks then? Why do you stock up on so much food?”

“That's not…” Mark sighs. Whatever. Cesar will find out with time. 

Right now, Mark needs to pull out the most pathetic bowl of cereal he's eaten in his life. He's been able to ignore the pain in his stomach because of the fear for the past three days but now that he knows he's probably not going to die soon, his hunger is catching up to him. 

Cesar sits down beside him. This isn't something that hasn't happened before. Mark can almost pretend that this is just another one of those times if Cesar would stop staring at him. Mark decides to just ignore him to the best of his abilities. He fiddles with the spoon.

“Can I try some?” Cesar asks.

Mark decides not to ask if alternates can eat lest Cesar sends him another offended look. 

“Sure.” Mark shoves a spoonful of soggy cereal down Cesar's throat while deep in thought. He ignores the way Cesar doesn't choke or even flinch. 

Mark hasn't been to school for a few days because of Cesar. Which means Cesar hasn't been to school either. Should they even go back? The school might try to contact them if they're absent for too long. Mark also doesn't want to go back until he's certain Cesar can act enough like a human. 

Mark looks at Cesar who's struggling to chew the cereal. 

It'd also be strange if the two of them disappeared and came back at the same time. Especially if they go together. 

Cesar manages to swallow the cereal. “This tastes like shit.”

-

“Do I need to sleep? No one will know if I do or not.”

“At least pretend to sleep instead of standing in the corner like some creep.” Mark sits in his bed eyeing Cesar who's standing in his doorway. He's spent an entire day helping and correcting Cesar on his behavior and now he's tired even though he woke up on the kitchen floor only a few hours ago. However he won't be able to sleep knowing Cesar will stare at him the entire night. 

“How do I pretend to sleep?” Cesar asks.

“Just lie down and don't move,” Mark replies as he shuffles around on his bed, hoping that was enough to make Cesar go away.

Cesar approaches Mark.

“What are you doing.”

“You told me to lie down.”

Mark almost scoffs. Of course. He meant for him to go to the couch or something but he knows Cesar will argue with him for being vague. They had been bickering over many things during the day because of Mark being vague according to Cesar. So he relents. Just this once.

“Yeah, you're right, come here.” Mark waves him over as he scoots closer to the wall to make room. Cesar looks at him weirdly but complies. 

If Cesar notices how tense Mark is the entire time he moves to sit beside him, he doesn't say anything about it. 

“Lie down.” 

“Okay.”

Cesar lays on his back while staring at the ceiling. Mark has his back to Cesar. He stares at the wall trying to bite back saying Cesar doesn't usually sleep like that. This shouldn't matter. 

There's no warmth emanating from Cesar's body. But it's not cold either. As Mark falls into an uneasy sleep, he takes a mental note to not sleep in the same bed as Cesar anymore.

-

Mark doesn't know why Cesar decided to wear a suit of all things. He didn't say anything about it until now because the way Cesar dresses himself was hardly important at the time. However now he knows Cesar is very stubborn about keeping the suit on. 

“Cesar had a terrible fashion sense, I'm doing him a favor.”

Mark pauses. “Try to start speaking like you are Cesar.”

There's a few seconds of silence as if Cesar is trying to process something.

“I have realized how terrible my fashion sense was and I am going to change my ways.”

Mark nods in approval. “Okay but you can't wear that for the rest of your life.” Cesar even went to sleep with it last night but Mark couldn't bring himself to care. 

“Why not?” Cesar asks.

Mark opens his mouth to say something but he can't think of a good rebuttal. Just several more questions about alternates. 

“Whatever. Nevermind. Just get out for a bit, I need to change.” He's been in the same gray hoodie for too long. 

“Why? We're both-”

“Get out. Now.”

-

Mark had been hoping he could just direct Cesar on how to do his hair but it's getting harder not to just do Cesar's hair himself. The two of them had already spent an embarrassingly long amount of time in the bathroom. 

“You should have let me stay up. Lying down messed up my hair,” Cesar says as Mark finally stops hovering beside him and actually just does his hair for him. A bit roughly. Unfazed, Cesar hums contemplatively. “Well actually maybe it was a good thing. You seemed happy I was there.”

Mark pauses. “What. What do you mean by that.”

“You were hugging me in your sleep for a while. You stopped before you woke up though.”

Huh. “Did I really-don’t look at me, look forward. I can't do your hair if you do that.” 

Mark continues messing with Cesar's hair, probably more than necessary. It's not hard to get his hair to look how it usually does because it's not long and Cesar didn't style it much. At least Mark doesn't think he did. 

Telling Cesar to look forward didn't help much since Mark can still see him staring through the mirror in his peripheral vision. It isn't like how Cesar looked at him in the previous times with no emotion. There's something there this time. Curiosity. 

“Mark?”

There's something off about hearing his own name spoken so softly from Cesar's voice. It's a foreign sound.

“Can we not talk about it?”

“...okay.” 

At this point Mark is just needlessly combing through Cesar's hair. It's mostly a distraction at this point. If Cesar notices, he doesn't say anything about it. 

Chapter Text

It's been a few days since Mark started teaching Cesar how to fit into society. Despite the rough start, the two of them managed to develop somewhat of a routine. 

It was a bit strange but they made it work. Cesar keeps managing to worm his way back beside Mark whenever they sleep. Mark tried to fight him off at first but quickly gave up. At least he managed to get Cesar out of the suit after a lot of back and forth. However it meant that Cesar could only change into Mark's clothes which isn't a huge problem.

Mark doesn’t try to suggest going to Cesar's place to maybe pick stuff up. There's a huge foreboding feeling whenever he thinks about it. He doesn't want to know what happened in that house. Cesar seems content on staying anyway. 

The amount of small quirks and habits Mark memorized about Cesar surprises even himself. He didn't realize how much he knew until the small things that he noticed Cesar isn't currently doing kept bugging him. Like the way he usually fiddles with his sleeves when there's nothing to do. Mark has tried to bring it up to Cesar and Cesar has put in effort to listen to Mark's words but it always ends up just not working because Cesar never does it correctly. Or just forgets. Mark feels stupid. 

“Should I do it now?” Cesar asks, poking the ends of his sleeves awkwardly. 

“That's not something you should ask,” Mark sighs. He already knows this conversation will give him a headache if it keeps going. 

“Then-” Cesar gets cut off by a knock at the door. Mark freezes. 

“Um,” Mark creeps outside his room, afraid that whoever is at his door would hear his footsteps. Cesar mimics him. “Just ignore it, they'll probably leave if no one answers.” 

The knocking at the door immediately becomes more aggressive. 

“What the hell,” Mark whispers. “You know what? Stay here, I'll go check it out.”

Mark leaves Cesar in the hallway and starts walking faster as the knocking becomes more relentless. 

Mark opens his front door a bit roughly out of annoyance only to yelp as the small figure outside his door dashes inside immediately. 

“Wh- Sarah?” 

Sarah looks around a bit before turning towards Mark and smiling. “Hi.”

“What- what the hell are you doing here?” Mark looks between Sarah and the door. “Did you come here by yourself?” 

“I ran away from home. And yeah.”

“What. Why-”

“Oh, he's here too?” Sarah asks, looking to her side, not listening to Mark.

Mark whips around to see Cesar had appeared around the corner. He's looking back and forth between Mark and Sarah with a slightly bemused expression.

“Wow you aren't even going to greet me?” Sarah asks Cesar with her arms crossed. 

“Hello,” he responds, completely emotionless.

“Cesar,” Mark's voice is strained as he does a sort of strangling motion with one of his hands. “I thought I told you to stay where you were.” 

“I wanted to know what was happening.”

“Why's he wearing your clothes?” Sarah asks.

“We'll be right back,” Mark says as he rushes towards Cesar and shoves him into the nearest room. Which is the bathroom.

Cesar dusts himself off as Mark slams the door shut behind them. 

“Is it possible for you to go back to… your house?” Mark asks with his back still on the door. 

“Um, well not really? It's kind of complicated.”

Mark doesn't even begin to try to contemplate what that means.

“Okay, just- Sarah is my little sister-”

“I know.”

Mark stares at Cesar. He knows?

“How do you know- you know what? That doesn't matter. This is good actually. I'm not sure if you can act like a human around her but she doesn't know you that well. And I'm sure her first thought wouldn't be that you're an alternate if you act weird.” Cesar's eyes follow Mark's movement as he tries his best to pace around the cramped room after he peeled himself off the door. His hands wave around in the air as he aggressively whispers, afraid of Sarah possibly eavesdropping. “Just act like how you've been acting these past few days. It shouldn't be terrible.”

“Okay.”

Mark suddenly stops pacing and turns towards Cesar. “But first, stay here, I need to talk to her.”

“Okay.”

“I mean it this time.”

“Okay.”

Mark shoots Cesar a suspicious glance before slipping out of the room. 

Mark finds Sarah sitting on his living room couch. She looks at him as she notices his approach. It seems like she wants to ask him something but Mark speaks before she can say anything. 

“What happened?”

Sarah huffs. “I already told you. I ran away from home.”

“The long version.” 

“Why are you so bossy? I came all the way here by myself to see you.” 

“Yeah, right.” Mark scoffs. “Did mom and dad piss you off? Or did you piss them off this ti-”

“Just let me stay. For one day. Just a day.” Sarah's nonchalant mask falters a bit as she lets a bit of distress leak through. “Please,” she adds hastily. 

Mark stares at her. He doesn't know what happened between her and their parents or if their parents were even the reason at all for her departure. But she's here and Sarah never does anything drastic for no reason. 

Mark sighs. “Cesar will be here too, is that fine?” It doesn't feel right to make her leave after she kicked up such a fuss.

Sarah visibly relaxes. “Yeah that's fine,” her flippant attitude resurfaces as she keeps speaking. “It's not like we're strangers. In fact, you two can ignore me. Like I'm not even here.”

“Really? Can we?” Cesar pokes his head out of the bathroom to look at them. Mark yells at him. He shoots back in like Mark threw something at him.

“Fine, whatever,” Mark says. It's better this way actually. In the best case scenario, he could separate Cesar and Sarah for the entire day. Fortunately Sarah brought it up first so she wouldn't get suspicious. Nothing would have to change too much from the routine they made up in the past two days.

Which is what Mark would have thought if Cesar wasn't for some reason performing some kind of unintentional psychological warfare. 

The moment Mark freed Cesar from his confinement inside the bathroom, he immediately went to go talk to Sarah. 

“That's not what happened at all.” Mark hears Sarah say to Cesar after he recovered from his silent mental breakdown. “Do you have amnesia or something?”

“Yes,” Cesar responds. He was probably saying blatantly wrong information. Mark wonders if they'll notice if he sneaks away. Cesar decided to engage in conversation, he can solve it himself if things go wrong for all Mark cares.

“Your sense of humor is still garbage,” Sarah says.

“Mark likes my sense of humor.”

Sarah scoffs. “Yeah well he's Mark. He likes anything about you even if it's a shit you took.”

Well there goes Mark's chance to escape. As well as his will to keep being able to hear.

“Really?” Cesar asks, looking genuinely surprised. 

Sarah shoots him a look. “Don't test it out. At least not while I'm here.” 

Mark considers drinking boiling water.

“Alright, that's enough,” he finally says as he grabs Cesar's arm to drag him away from Sarah. Mark is slightly surprised at how he lets him without defiance. “Didn't you say we could ignore you for the entire day?” 

“I mean I wouldn't mind hanging out,” Cesar says.

Mark looks at him. Wasn't he the one who was keen on the idea of pretending Sarah didn't exist? Why does he want to keep talking to her in the first place?

“That settles it then,” Sarah clasps her hands together. “We can play card games or something.”

“There's a stack of cards in the second drawer down of the table over there,” Cesar says.

Mark feels Cesar and the control he had over the situation slip out of his grip.

“Of course you know that,” Sarah responds as she makes her way towards where Cesar mentioned.

Mark glances at Cesar. Of course he knows. He scoured Mark's entire house a few days ago.

Sarah comes back with the deck of cards and they sit on the floor. Mark was a bit afraid of Cesar not knowing how to play any card games but he learned them alarmingly quickly to Sarah's dismay.

“Why the heck are you so good at this?” she complains.

“I don't know.”

Mark doesn't pay attention to the card game they're playing. He can barely even remember the name, just that it's a game where they want to get rid of all their cards. Trying to push the urge to tell Cesar he would usually gloat at something like this away, Mark picks at the carpet. At first, he was afraid of Cesar not being able to act like a human. However he's proven that he can fit in with Sarah pretty well. 

Mark watches Cesar sit still beside him. His hands sit idly at his sides. He managed to get rid of all his cards already. Mark shuffles his own cards in his hands. Cesar forgot again. 

Sarah snaps her fingers in front of Mark's face and he jolts back in focus. He had been staring at Cesar who is now looking back at him. 

“It's your turn, dumbass,” Sarah says, sounding a bit exasperated. 

“Oh.” Mark fumbles a bit before processing whatever is in front of him. Sarah sighs.

In his peripheral vision, Mark can see Cesar still staring at him. It takes all his willpower to not let it distract him. Sarah looks between the two of them suspiciously but doesn't say anything.

The rest of the day plays out similarly. Cesar keeps interacting with Sarah. It stressed Mark out at first but now he wishes they'd stop interacting because they get along a little too well. 

It irks him. That the alternate version of Cesar is getting along with Sarah much better than Cesar himself. It's not like the two of them didn't get along well before but today, they just seemed to have clicked. And Mark feels insane for secretly noticing and nitpicking Cesar's behaviour when Sarah has been none the wiser the entire day.

A gnawing feeling eats away at Mark. Some small selfish part of him wishes that Sarah would notice the small differences like Mark does just to validate his own emotions. But it just goes to show how much attention he paid to Cesar. No one else in the world knows him as well as Mark does. No one else memorized every goddamn thing about him.

Mark doesn't know if it makes him feel better or worse. 

“Are you alright?” Cesar asks Mark. Mark looks at him. The three of them are standing at the front door again.

“Why do you ask?” Mark asks.

“You do this kind of thing where you fiddle with whatever you're holding when you're scared. I mean you do it pretty often but you did it almost non-stop today.”

Mark is slightly surprised. Did Cesar notice this about him in only the small amount of time they spent together? Sarah stares at Mark as well with some type of revelation on her face.

“Oh, well maybe it was because of someone's surprise visit today.” Mark side eyes Sarah who smiles at him innocently. “It's about time you go back now, huh?”

“I can walk home,” Sarah says as she inches towards the front door. 

“Absolutely not.” Mark glances at the window outside. It's late and dark out, Sarah stayed for a long time. He was already upset at her for coming alone during the daylight. “I'm driving you back.”

“Cesar, stay here, don't move.” Mark points at him accusingly as he ushers Sarah out the door before she can argue.

“Okay.”

Looking at Sarah now, Mark remembers her earlier nervous behaviour is now nowhere to be seen. She was a bit skittish at first but seemed to relax as the day went on. He doesn't know if he should ask her what happened again. 

The low rumble of the car engine starts and something tugs at him from the back of his mind. Mark shakes his head and tries to focus on the road. He should refrain from driving so late at night for a while. The grip on his steering wheel tightens just a little. At least nothing is following him this time. 

“It wasn't because of mom and dad,” Sarah says suddenly. It snaps Mark out of his thoughts.

He glances at her. “Then why did you-”

“I had a bad feeling,” she says stiffly. “Today and these past few days, I just felt-” she pauses before throwing her hands up in the air. “I don't know, I just needed to come over because I just had a feeling alright? It felt like something bad was happening and I need-I needed to check up on you…” Sarah says the last part quickly before crossing her arms and looking away from Mark.

Mark blinks but keeps staring forward at the road. He doesn't know how to answer her. 

“But,” Sarah continues, “I'm glad that I was wrong. I was worried about nothing.”

Mark still doesn't respond.

“Especially with Cesar there. Don't tell him I said this but he's pretty cool, I'm glad you're friends with him. I was worried you were alone.”

Mark grips the steering wheel with such force his fingertips turn white. He doesn't know what kind of face he's making but it doesn't matter because Sarah isn't looking at him. She's fully convinced Cesar is Cesar.

“You know, the thing Cesar said about you fiddling with things when you're upset,” Sarah starts. Mark glances at her. “He's right that you do it. I mean I think I realized subconsciously that you do it but I didn't really know until he mentioned it.” 

“Do you remember those few days before you moved out? After dinner I kept asking you if you were alright. I didn't know why but I knew you were upset. It's because you kept subtly messing with your utensils.” Sarah peeks at Mark.

They finally pull into their parents' driveway. Mark lets out an exhale as the car stops.

He does remember. But more importantly, Cesar noticed something about Mark before his own sister did. Mark almost says something before Sarah speaks up again.

“He seems to know you really well.” Her tone is playful. “You should go for it.”

Mark whips his head to the side to look at her. 

“Oh so now you finally respond to me,” Sarah says smugly.

Bringing a hand up to his temple, Mark sighs. “Get out of my car, Sarah.”

She giggles as she steps out of the car and runs off. Mark watches her until she enters the house. 

He falls forward until his forehead hits the steering wheel. Maybe he'll stay here by himself for a bit. Just a few minutes. His hands tighten and untighten around the steering wheel.

Chapter Text

Mark stares down at the half written pages of his “journal”. It's technically his Reassurances book that he had been frantically writing in the three days he'd been cooped up in his room. Now he's continued to write in it like a diary. 

It's not like he can talk to anyone about the situation he's in. Not even Sarah. Writing it down alleviates the stress a little bit even if he's still dealing with it alone. Mark twirls the pencil in his hand. He's documented the last few days better than any research paper he's written.

“Your handwriting is a lot better now.” A voice says right behind Mark. 

He spins around and slams the book shut at the same time. Cesar stares at him from a distance that's a little too close for comfort. 

“How much of that did you read?” Mark asks as he pokes Cesar away from him. Cesar does back up a little albeit a bit reluctantly. 

“Why does that matter? It's all stuff that happened in the past few days.”

“So you did read it.”

“Yeah.”

Mark sighs. He should have expected this. Cesar has picked up a habit of sticking to his side like glue. It was a bit weird at first since he didn't used to do it but Mark ultimately decided it wasn't so bad because they're only staying in his house. Now he's reconsidering it because Cesar has no sense of privacy. He's grateful to whatever weird God that's out there that Cesar hasn't taken an interest in his camera.

“Are you going to go to school?” Cesar suddenly asks.

Mark blinks several times at the sudden change in subject. 

“Why do you ask?” Mark had already phoned their school with an excuse saying he was so sick he couldn't call earlier. He's unsure how much the person on the other side of the line believed him. But it's not like his parents care and the school knows that so they let him off for a few more days.

“Can we go to school?” 

“Absolutely not.” The mere thought of it makes Mark nauseous. He ignores how crestfallen Cesar looks. No matter what happens, if they go back to school, Mark knows it won't end well. Especially since to the school's knowledge, Cesar hasn't called in and has been skipping for the past few days. Mark isn't sure he can bullshit his way out of that one like with Sarah.

The stack of papers that Cesar left in a neat pile at the corner of Mark's desk catches his attention. It's a few pages he ripped out of his book right before he opened the door for Cesar. Cesar follows his gaze and fidgets once he realizes what Mark is looking at. It's a very Cesar thing to do and Mark doesn't know if he's doing it on purpose or not. 

“You probably have answers to the questions I've asked in there,” Mark states. Cesar looks at him almost nervously. 

“Yeah,” he replies hesitantly.

“Will you tell me?” 

“I don't want to,” Cesar says instantly. 

Mark turns to him in surprise. It's not that he's upset, he knows whatever answers Cesar has won't be nice to hear. However, aren't alternates supposed to tell these things? Mark doesn’t know if this is part of the mind games or if Cesar is some type of anomaly. 

The two of them stare at each other for an awkward beat of silence before Mark stands up.

“Alright, whatever.” He walks out of his room to do something else to take his mind off the weird interaction. Cesar follows close behind him, looking relieved.

-

After blinking awake, it takes Mark a few seconds to realize he's hugging Cesar. He sits up immediately, yanking his arms back to his sides. All his drowsiness instantly diminishes. Cesar must have snuck back beside him again after he fell asleep. It's something that he should be concerned about but the first time it happened, Mark just decided to let it go out of exhaustion. It's the only thing Cesar doesn't listen to from Mark even after being repeatedly told to stop. Not that Mark has been that assertive about it anyway. 

Cesar sighs from behind him and Mark turns around to look at him. It's a little jarring because it's the first time he's heard him do that. 

“You didn't need to act so repulsed,” Cesar says as he sits up so he's beside Mark.

Mark stares at him incredulously. “I wasn't repulsed. Just, uh, do I usually do that?”

“What? Hug me?” Mark almost covers his face when Cesar says it out loud. “Yeah but this is the first time that you were still doing it when you woke up.”

“Oh,” is all Mark says as he's about to nudge Cesar off the bed so they can forget about this conversation and continue their routine but Cesar slaps a hand on Mark's shoulder, looking at him intently. Mark flinches so hard that he's grateful that he suppressed whatever yelp that almost came out his throat with it.

The reaction seems to upset Cesar though as he sighs again and lets his hand slip off Mark's shoulder. Mark looks at him in confusion.

“Why did you do that?” 

“Don't worry about it.” Cesar crosses his arms and looks away while letting out a huff.

Mark stares at him. To say that he's perturbed would be an understatement. Cesar is usually one to stare holes into Mark's head. He doesn't know what he did to make Cesar upset with him but it's honestly kind of funny. He almost expects Cesar to walk out of the room but he just stays beside him with his arms crossed while avoiding eye contact. Mark almost laughs at the absurdity but he feels like it would upset Cesar further so he stays silent.

However the tense air quickly becomes too much for Mark so he nudges Cesar.

“C'mon, don't be like that, we need to get up.” Mark says gently. 

Cesar looks at Mark's hand that's softly pushing him and then to Mark. It's the same emotionless gaze from when they first met that Mark didn't even realize until now he hasn't seen in a while. It's startling. He hopes he hides his uneasiness well.

For a split second Mark thinks Cesar isn't going to move but he slides off the bed and stands beside it. Mark doesn't think getting out of bed has ever been more painful. He feels like his every move is being scrutinized by Cesar's gaze that's honestly starting to slightly scare him now. 

They barely make it out of the room before Mark snaps.

“I-I need to go to the bathroom, sit still.” he doesn’t look at Cesar as he speaks.

Cesar isn’t given time to respond before Mark rushes into his restroom and uses up all his willpower to close the door casually behind him instead of slamming it shut. Surprisingly, Cesar didn't try to follow him in. He doesn't know if it relieves him or creeps him out more.

Mark stares at his reflection in the mirror. He doesn't know how long he can stay in here before Cesar gets suspicious. He just needs to calm down. 

Cesar has been quite normal so far, obedient even. He listens to the majority of what Mark says and is a quick learner. Living with him isn't too bad but mostly because he doesn't need human necessities. He's never done anything too weird and he passes off as a human very well.

Mark blinks. His reflection starts to make him uneasy so he sits down on the floor with his back against the cabinets. Cesar is very human. He's so human that Mark can forget he's an alternate. Mark picks at his bathroom mat before realizing what he's doing. He shoves his hands into his pockets.

Cesar is fine. There's no need to be afraid of him. He's probably just unintentionally being weird again. It's happened less often recently but it's not rare. At least that's what Mark tells himself as he finally musters up enough courage to leave the bathroom. He stands up and side eyes himself in the mirror before approaching the door.

His hand is inches away from his doorknob before he freezes. A familiar icy chill runs over him. His intuition screams at him not to open the door. This fear, he's felt it before. The same kind that kept him in his room for three days. 

Mark knows, without a doubt, that Cesar is right outside this door. 

But it's different this time. It's different. There is no fear of the unknown. Cesar has been with him for the past few days, he's not dangerous. They made a deal. 

He is not in danger. Mark's hand is still raised, placed a small distance away from the doorknob. He is not in danger. He can't move his hand forward. He is not in danger. His fingers start shaking. He feels like he's in danger. 

Mark grabs the doorknob, twists the handle, and pulls the door open.

“What took you so long? Were you shitting?”

Mark is met with Cesar looking a little annoyed and with his arms crossed. Mark blinks.

“Hello?” Cesar waves his hand in front of Mark's face. “Did you forget how to speak?”

Mark jolts before shaking his head. What the hell. He feels irritated all of a sudden.

“Why do you follow me around everywhere?” Mark mutters as he pushes Cesar aside to walk somewhere else. Anywhere but here. “Pick up a hobby or something.”

Cesar looks slightly affronted but still follows Mark anyway. Mark doesn't know where he's going. The kitchen? He's going to the kitchen. 

“What hobbies can I pick up when I'm holed up in here?” Cesar asks.

“I don't know. Reading.”

“That's boring.”

Mark doesn't refute that. They're in the kitchen now. He pours himself a cup of water and sips it. 

“But don't you think it's also boring to stay in your house all the ti-”

Mark shoves his cup of water into Cesar's hands. “Drink this.”

“Why?”

“I don't know.”

Cesar drinks all of it. Then he looks at Mark.

“Can we go outsi-”

“No.”

They stare at each other. The atmosphere isn't hostile but there is a tension that neither of them back down from.

Cesar sighs. “I'm not gonna go around telling everyone I'm an alternate, you know that right?”

Mark suppresses the urge to rub his temples. Everything feels a bit fuzzy. 

“I…I know but…” That's not what Mark is afraid of. 

“I'll stay by your side,” Cesay says, “And I won't run off, I promise.”

Mark looks at Cesar, taking him in for the first time in a while. It's Cesar. It looks like him, sounds like him, behaves like him(sometimes). So why…

Because it's not him.

Mark isn't one to give in easily. Hell, he even risked his own life staying in his room for three whole days because of his stubbornness. But these past few days have been draining him. He doesn't know if Cesar is helping or contributing to that. Maybe both. 

It doesn't matter. He's tired of fighting.

“Fine,” Mark says, closing his eyes in defeat. “What do you want to do?”

Cesar perks up, a sort of triumph in his eyes. “Can we go shopping?”

All Mark's thoughts come to a screeching halt as he processes what Cesar said. 

“What?” 

Chapter Text

“I know it's good to plan ahead but is this really necessary?” Cesar asks from behind Mark's shoulder. 

Mark had decided to wake up extremely early in the morning to meticulously plan their “shopping” trip to Cesar's chagrin. He'll give Cesar what he wants but he'll jump off a cliff before risking the chance of exposing their situation.

“This is so boring,” Cesar keeps complaining when Mark doesn't answer. 

“Even more boring than watching me sleep?” 

“At least you don't flinch away when I touch you in your sleep.” 

Mark shoots Cesar a look. “You do that?” 

Mark feels Cesar shrug more than he sees it. Which makes him wonder when he got so close.

“Whatever,” Mark says as he goes back to the paper on the table in front of him. He does have a chair to sit on but he decided to kick it away after he couldn't sit still from stress. Now he realizes it just gave Cesar an opportunity to stick even closer to his side. 

“No sane person does this.” Cesar goes back to complaining when Mark turns his attention back to the paper.

“Didn't I tell you before?” Mark says absently. “I think I'm going insane.”

Cesar doesn't respond which surprises Mark slightly but he brushes it off in favor of giving the paper in front of him one more once over. He can't believe that he had worked so hard on a planner for a shopping trip for just one day. Maybe he really is going insane. 

Mark rolls the paper up and turns to Cesar who perks up a little once he sees Mark's attention on him. Then he hits him across the head with the roll. Cesar doesn't react to it other than blinking once. 

“Why did you do that?” Cesar asks.

“First of all don't stand so close to me, second of all,” Mark grabs Cesar's wrist. “You're not wearing that outside.” 

If the mixed look of fear and adamance on Cesar‘s face is faked, then Mark would commend him for how real it looks. However he doesn't care about that at the moment because he will fistfight Cesar just to get him out of the suit if he needs to. He had put it back on recently.

“Why?” Cesar tries to tug his arm out of Mark's grip. “You've been fine with it for a while.”

“Because we're going outside, it's going to draw attention.”

Cesar scoffs. “Ugh why do humans care about these things so much.”

There's a small pause as the two of them look at each other. Cesar's expression turns into something akin to a child about to be scolded.

“Oh uh, I mea-”

“Because,” Mark forces a smile. “That's just the way it is, Cesar. Now change.”

It takes two hours and just some violence for Mark to convince Cesar to wear something different.

Cesar is still sulking when they get into the car. He's wearing a simple black jacket over a white t-shirt. It's a compromise since it's the closest thing to the suit that Cesar likes so much that Mark could find. Not that he had much in his closet anyway.

Mark can see Cesar eyeing the steering wheel out of curiosity. 

“No, don't even think about it,” he says before Cesar can open his mouth. 

“I can learn,” Cesar insists. 

“It's not legal for me to teach you. Also Cesar already had his license.” 

Cesar furrows his eyebrows in a way that probably means he's trying to make sense of what Mark is saying. It's convenient because it gives Mark time to mull over his words as well.  

“I mean,” Mark says quietly, “You already have your license.” 

“Oh,” Cesar starts, sounding slightly surprised, “Uh-”

Mark jams his keys into the car and twists it. He hopes the sound of the engine starting can distract them both. Surprisingly, it does take Cesar‘s attention. He glances around in wonder as the car vibrates. Mark watches this reaction, almost amused. He decides to give in a little.

“Have you never been in a car before?” he asks.

“No, not inside one,” Cesar responds. 

Of course.

It makes Mark curious however. How young is this alternate? Or maybe a better question would be how new? Then he stops being curious. Maybe it's better left unsaid. 

Mark starts driving and Cesar stares out the window. Usually Cesar would be talking his ear off by now. He tries not to let it distract him.

It's still decently early in the morning even after their two hour tussle. However the sky is bright and Mark can see his environment around him clearly. He sighs in relief and also to calm himself down. Whatever followed him home that night is now sitting beside him in the passenger seat. Mark glances at Cesar who's still marveling at the outside world. 

“How long will this take? Where are we going?” Cesar asks. 

“We're going somewhere a little far today because I can't risk seeing anyone we know from school.” Mark cringes just thinking about it. He doesn't know if Cesar can hide being an alternate in front of their insane classmates or if he can handle what the hell they'll say when they see Mark and Cesar together after not showing up to school for days. He can't decide which one is worse so he must avoid both.

“Okay,” Cesar says, looking straight forward now. He seems to be thinking about something though. He's been quite expressive lately. 

The rest of the drive continues with minimal conversation. Mark doesn't really mind it. It's actually a blessing in disguise since he doesn't think he can focus on the road and talk at the same time currently. 

By the time Mark parks in front of a mall, Cesar looks bored. It was a pretty long car ride but Mark almost laughs at the change.

“Alright, we're here,” Mark says as he pushes his door open. Cesar watches him as he stretches. Sitting for so long isn't really comfortable. 

“What is this place?” Cesar asks as he falls back beside Mark. There are a lot of people around them walking and doing their own thing. The sound of conversation and laughter fills the air. It's a bit jarring since Mark hasn't seen anyone aside from Cesar for around a week. 

“It's a mall,” Mark explains, not bothering to ask if Cesar even knows what that is. “I think you'll have fun here.” 

“Oh,” is all Cesar has to say as he looks around owlishly. Mark distantly wonders if Cesar really won't attract any attention but he can't bring himself to care too much at the moment. He has some things he wants to buy.

As they make it inside the building, Mark side eyes Cesar.

“Don't stare at people,” he says.

Cesar looks at him. He's smiling for whatever reason. It's slightly unnerving.“Why?”

“Because it's weird. And rude apparently.”

“Oh, alright,” Cesar looks straight ahead. There's a small spring in his step.

Mark looks at him, slightly perturbed, before the odd behaviour dawns on him. 

Cesar is excited. 

Mark marvels at this more than he wants to admit. It's a bit daunting how easily he can read Cesar now.

“You seem happy,” Mark says.

“I am,” he replies. 

Mark doesn't continue the conversation. He just keeps walking. Cesar is sticking to his side but still looking around albeit more subtly this time. 

The two of them have gone shopping before. Mark and… Cesar. The real one. The two of them spent the entire time arguing on which stores to go to and daring each other to steal things. It almost ended up getting them kicked out of one of them. Thankfully Mark was able to put on his “good boy” act and convince the staff that they were only playing around. 

It's a shame that he won't be able to experience that type of chaos again, Mark thinks, as they walk into the exact store they almost got kicked out of. He hopes the cashier doesn't recognize them. Then again, it might not even be the same cashier. He wasn't paying attention. 

“Are you going to buy something from here?” Cesar asks as he observes the shelves. 

“Yeah, probably.”

It's a store filled with small trinkets and jewelry selling for cheap which means they're obviously all fake. Yet they aren't completely ugly so Mark will make do.

“Why? Do you like them?” Cesar continues.

“I want to buy something for Sarah,” Mark explains. 

“Sarah?” Cesar looks at him curiously. “Does she like these things?” 

“I mean, yeah? Probably?” Mark doesn't want to admit he doesn't really know what his sister likes. 

Thankfully Cesar doesn't pick up on Mark's uncertainty (or he ignores it) and starts scrutinizing everything.

Mark goes back to eyeing whatever was in front of him. He didn't come into the store with something specific in mind. It just caught his eye and he thought it'd be funny to tell Sarah that he bought something for her from a store that almost kicked him out. 

“How about this?” Cesar is suddenly beside him again. Mark didn't even realize he wasn't by his side until he left and came back. Cesar is holding a necklace right in front of Mark's face. He has to lean back in order to see it properly. 

“It's a cross. She can match with you,” Cesar continues. The necklace is simple, some flimsy string with only a cross hanging from it. It's not too far from the one Mark already owns. He's surprised Cesar even remembers it since he probably only saw it once. Then again, he did go rummaging around that one time. 

“That's a good idea,” Mark says, “But I can just give her mine then, to be honest.” 

“Oh,” Cesar looks slightly surprised. “Do you not like yours?”

Mark shrugs. “I barely even wear it.” 

“Alright,” Cesar takes the necklace back to where he found it and carefully hangs it back onto the hook he got it from. 

The two of them walk out of the store but not without the cashier eyeing them a little disdainfully. Maybe it was because they didn't buy anything but Mark couldn't bring himself to care. Instead, he looks at Cesar, who's still too enamored by his surroundings to preen at Mark's attention like he usually does. 

“Is there anything you want?” Mark asks.

Cesar looks at Mark, a slight bit of surprise on his face. “Are you going to buy me something?”

“That's what I wanted to do today. And also get something for Sarah but that's already settled.” Mark says nonchalantly.

The look on Cesar's face is indiscernible but, this time, not in the way that makes Mark's hair rise.

“I don't know what I want,” Cesar says slowly. “Can we check out everything?”

Mark suppresses a sigh. It's not like he wasn't expecting it, it's just that they're going to be here for a while. “Sure.” 

The two of them walk around the mall for a while and scour random shops. Cesar keeps stopping to look at mundane things that Mark usually never bats an eye at. It makes things much slower but Mark doesn't rush him. 

At one point, a clothing store catches Cesar's eye that Mark refuses to even step foot in. 

“I'm not going to buy you a suit,” Mark hisses as he tries to manhandle Cesar away from the store as discreetly as possible. “They're expensive and you already have one.”

“I just want to look,” Cesar says as he fights back, not so discreetly. 

“No, I don't wanna spend five hours in there.” 

Cesar huffs but relents to Mark's relief because he was starting to consider picking him up and carrying him away. 

“Are you unhappy?” Cesar asks suddenly. He's looking at Mark like he's analyzing him.

“What why?” Mark reels at the abrupt question. Is he asking because he isn't letting him in the clothing store? 

“You don't laugh. Or smile. I don't think I've seen you smile before,” Cesar says, “Wait you did smile once…” he adds quietly to himself.

Mark blinks. “That doesn't mean I'm unhappy.”

“I thought so too at first but you do it less than other people. I feel like you don't do it at all.”

Mark doesn't know how to respond to that. Thankfully Cesar has more to say.

“And we argue often too. I thought it was just something we do, but is it actually making you upset?”

“What? No, it is something we do often. We're just close so we can get away with being rude to each other.” 

“Oh,” Cesar sighs in relief. “So, you are happy then?” 

Mark's hesitation lasts too long to go unnoticed but too short to bring up. “Yeah man don't worry.” 

“Alright.” 

They walk around the mall for another few hours. Cesar doesn't seem to be any less excited than he was when they first walked into the building. Mark wonders why he wanted to go outside so badly in the first place.

They're in a flower shop when Mark suddenly remembers something. 

“Cesar, you had a flower on your suit, right?” he asks.

“Huh? Oh yeah. It withered though.” 

“I guess there's no point in buying you more then, they'll wither too.”

“What about fake ones? They're made of like, plastic or something.” 

Mark doesn't know how Cesar heard of fake flowers or if it's just common sense to know of their existence. 

“That's actually a good idea to be honest. But we're going to need to go to a crafts store for one.”

Mark does buy a flower from the shop before they leave because he feels a bit guilty for looking around so many places without actually getting anything. He gets a chrysanthemum, just the first thing that catches his eye. The florist calls it one stem or something because he only wants one. Cesar wants to hold it as they leave so Mark gives it to him. 

“Isn't giving someone flowers a romantic gesture?” Cesar asks.

“Not…always,” Mark says. He realizes though that to observing strangers, it would probably look a bit weird. 

Thankfully, this response seems to satisfy Cesar. “Okay.”

They arrive at a craft store pretty quickly and Cesar is more distracted here than in any other store. Mark doesn't blame him, these types of stores are usually filled with small trinkets and objects that are used for arts and crafts. Even Mark finds them a bit amusing to look at. 

They do find fake flowers eventually. Cesar was right that they're made of plastic. But also polyester and silk and many other materials. There are even some that have clips. 

“How about this one?” Mark asks as he points to a red rose made out of silk with a clip on the back. It's one of the more pricey ones but not as bad as a suit. It also looks similar to the one Cesar had.

“Yeah sure,” Cesar says. He sounds excited again. Mark almost smiles. 

“Is this what you want though? I was the one who suggested the idea,” Mark asks to confirm. 

“It is,” Cesar says quickly. “I kind of like that you suggested it.”

“Oh okay? Um,” Mark tugs at his sleeves. “Well if you're sure then this is your gift.” 

Cesar seems more than happy about that as he twirls the chrysanthemum in his hand as Mark pays the cashier. 

Mark looks up at the skylights as they step back out of the store. It's still light out but it will start getting dark soon.

“Hey, we've been here a while, should we head back?” Mark asks. “We can stay longer if you'd like, though.”

“Well, I'd like to see how the flower would look with my suit,” Cesar says.

Mark huffs out a bit of laughter. “Alright sure let's go home.”

Cesar also asks to hold the small bag containing the rose and Mark happily gives it to him. If Cesar insists on being useful then Mark won't complain. 

Cesar talks a lot more in the car ride back. He tells Mark about how interesting human culture is and how much he learned about interactions and emotion. Mark only tunes in sometimes which Cesar doesn't even notice because he hasn't stopped talking. 

Mark realizes that this is how it usually was before everything. There's a glaring difference obviously since Cesar is talking like he was born yesterday but being this chatty is in character. 

For some reason, it bothers Mark. 

The sky is a few shades darker when they make it back to Mark's house. Cesar immediately changes his clothes in the bathroom with the silk rose in tow. Mark places the chrysanthemum in a cup of water.

Back in his room, Mark decides to go to sleep early. He walked a lot more today than he has in a while. He digs out his necklace from one of his drawers first and puts it in a small box he found after digging through a few more drawers. 

Cesar bursts in just as Mark was crawling into bed, looking at him expectantly. He's back in the suit he adores so much but this time with the rose clipped on one of his lapels.

“It looks good on you,” Mark says. He's not lying. Cesar has always looked good in a suit and now he has a rose that'll last forever to complement everything. 

Cesar smiles smugly like Mark gave him something way better than a mediocre compliment. 

“I'm not letting you sleep in my bed with that on though. At least take off your blazer.”

Cesar huffs but he shrugs off his garment. 

Mark lies down, facing the wall as he feels Cesar get in beside him. He doesn't close his eyes however. His hand slowly moves towards his pillow, sliding underneath it until he feels the cold metal. It had been here for a week. 

Mark closes his eyes as his hand warms the handle of his gun.

Chapter Text

Mark blinks awake. As he becomes aware of his surroundings, he realizes he has his arms wrapped around Cesar again. Before he can make a knee jerk reaction of jolting away, he remembers how personally Cesar took it last time and decided to just slowly disentangle himself. 

He waits for Cesar to make a comment or a snide remark that he’s picked up doing recently but nothing happens. Mark looks up to Cesar’s face and sees that his eyes are closed. Confused, Mark sits up, thinking moving a bit more would wake Cesar up. Is he even asleep? Is he just resting? Are alternates even capable of sleeping?

“Cesar?” Mark says, tentatively. 

Cesar surprisingly reacts to Mark despite how quietly he said his name. He groans a bit before bringing one of his hands to his face and sitting up.

“Why do I feel like shit?” he mumbles.

“Were you asleep?” Mark asks.

This seems to snap Cesar out of his haze.

“I… I think so?”

“So you didn’t realize I was hugging you?” 

Cesar’s eyes widen slightly.

“I guess I really was asleep…” 

Mark ignores the fact that he seems disappointed in favor of trying to reason why he fell asleep. What changed? Why now? Is he just really getting better at becoming a human?

Mark glances at Cesar who’s rubbing his eyes in a disgruntled fashion.

“Does waking up feel like shit every time?”

Can Mark take advantage of this?

-

“Why are you giving this to me?” Sarah asks as she turns the small cross necklace around in her hands.

Mark side eyes her from his position beside her on the couch. She meets his gaze and they have a small staring contest before Mark relents.

“Well you know I never wear this anyway, I think you would put it more to use,” Mark said.

Sarah seems as if she wants to say something but Cesar struts in at that exact moment.

“You’re here again?” Sarah says as she looks at him disdainfully.

Mark whips around to watch as Cesar calmly sits on the arm of the couch beside him. “Didn’t I tell you to stay put?”

“Hi Sarah,” Cesar says.

“Hey.”

Mark huffs at being ignored but decides to sit back and sulk.

“Why are you all dressed up like that?” Sarah asks Cesar, “Are you going somewhere later?”

“No, I’m staying here.”

Sarah keeps looking at him expectantly and he looks back at her. She sighs.

“But like, why are you wearing that then?” she asks, slightly irritated.

“Why can’t I?” Cesar asks, looking slightly irked as well. “You two are both unsupportive of me expressing myself in a way that’s true to m-”

“Alright, alright,” Sarah brings her hand up to her forehead. “Whatever man, do whatever the hell you want. Whatever.” 

Mark stares at Cesar a little judgementally. Where did he learn to bullshit like that? Cesar catches his eye and smirks at him. Mark throws back a look of what he hopes to be disgust. 

“Nice rose though, where'd you get it?” Sarah asks. 

Cesar puffs his chest out proudly. “Mark bought it for me.”

“Oh.” Sarah rolls her eyes. “Of course.”

Mark decides to interject before Sarah can cook up any snarky comments.

“Hey Cesar can you go back for like five more minutes at least? I need to discuss a few more things with Sarah,” Mark says. He usually would let a conversation like this between him and Sarah go but he can’t afford to have any loose ends at this point in time. 

Cesar sighs dramatically. “Alright, but I’m coming back in five minutes sharp,” he says as he stands up and points at Mark. Mark watches him walk away knowing he’ll spend those five minutes staring at the clock. 

Turning back to Sarah, Mark sees her staring at him curiously. It is very unlike him to be so intent on talking.

“Um, please don’t let mom and dad know I gave this to you,” Mark says uneasily, “They’ll kill me.”

Sarah raises an eyebrow at him. “Well yeah, they gave this to you specifically ‘cause you’re the first born and all. It’s weird to give something like this away, even if it’s to me.”

“It never really meant much to me anyway,” Mark says quietly. 

A silence falls between them. This is something only the two of them will ever understand. They don’t talk about it often because there’s no point. But sometimes it’s reassuring to acknowledge.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better now, though,” Sarah changes the subject. 

“I… I am?” Mark asks, not even entirely sure of the answer himself.

“Well you’re not fiddling with your shit anymore so there’s that.”

Mark blinks. 

“Oh, I guess you’re right.”

There’s another silence but it’s lighter this time.

Sarah suddenly stands up and stretches. “Well is that all?” she asks.

“Huh? Oh I think so.” 

Mark and Sarah jump as Cesar bursts back in. “You guys are done right?”

“It hasn’t been five minutes yet.” Mark glares at Cesar.

“But you guys finished talking.”

“So you were eavesdropping?”

“Uh…” 

Sarah sighs as Mark chases him down the hallway. The necklace is still clasped tightly in her hand.

-

“Cesar, are you asleep?” Mark hisses. There’s no response. He decides to use this opportunity to go to the bathroom as discreetly as possible. The only problem is it’s around three in the morning and Cesar is sleeping on the side without the wall. Mark is going to have to go over him. 

Throwing caution to the wind, Mark tries to march over him as fast as possible but almost yells as Cesar grabs his arm.

“Where are you going?” he asks, sounding groggy. 

“Bathroom.”

“Oh… Can I come?” 

“No?” 

A short silence.

“Alright.” 

“Can you let go of me now?” Mark shuffles uncomfortably. He's half on Cesar and half on the floor. 

“Oh, right.” Cesar lets go of him.

Mark sighs and makes his way towards the bathroom. He can barely see anything even with his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Yet he doesn’t turn on any lights. It’s his own house anyway, he has everything memorized. 

Staring at himself in the bathroom mirror as he washes his hands, Mark can barely see his silhouette. He twists the faucet closed and flicks the water from his hands, too lazy to use the towel. It’s strange. He was always afraid of the dark. But as he stands here in the pitch black of the bathroom, he feels calm. It's alluring even. To stay in this quiet and peaceful place where he never needs to open his eyes.

He thinks about staying like this forever. It can't be so bad. His gun is still in his room though.

Mark shakes his head. Cesar might actually come looking for him if he stays any longer. He pads back to his bedroom where he sees Cesar still in the same position before he left. He's probably still asleep.

Mark stands beside the bed looking down at Cesar. He's going to have to climb back over him again which might wake him up which Mark slightly dreads because Cesar might ask him something stupid like how it feels to pee. 

In his contemplation, Mark's eyes wander towards Cesar's face. Whose eyes are open and staring right at him. Mark blinks, wondering if he's seeing wrong since it's dark but Cesar blinks back at him. 

It's a bit jarring to see since Cesar was so still. Mark wonders if he should say something since it's already been long enough to be insanely awkward but he also wonders why Cesar hasn't said anything. Should he just pretend this didn't happen and get back on the bed? Mark squints at his side of the bed.

“Is this how you felt back then?” Mark's eyes snap back to Cesar's. He spoke quietly but Mark heard him clearly.

“What?”

“Nothing. Are you not going to lie down?” Cesar scoots to the other side of the bed so Mark wouldn't have to go over him again. Mark almost tells him to not do that but decides against it. It would just be another strange unexplainable human behaviour thing to him. It also means he can get off the bed without waking Cesar.

Mark lies down and turns his back to Cesar. He reaches his hand underneath his pillow and touches his gun as if to make sure it's still there.

-

Documentation. It's what Mark started calling it after he decided 'journaling’ was too personal and intimate. He felt more comfortable thinking about writing things down for the sake of documentation rather than helping his own mental well being. 

Recently, he's been writing a lot in a small notebook. Many things about his activites. Many observations about Cesar. Mark used to shoo Cesar away whenever he tried to watch him write but he's stopped caring about it for the past few days. He even brings it out to the living room to write in sometimes. 

Cesar took an interest at first before quickly realizing that Mark barely responds to him when writing. He decides to sit beside him silently on the couch. Mark side eyes him. Many of the things he writes about Cesar is what he can see on the outside. Their trip to the mall, his random interest in the most mundane things, insisting on sleeping next to him, and other things. However Mark never really knew what he was thinking. He imagines alternates always must be devising something.

Mark looks towards Cesar who perks up at the attention. 

“What are you?” Mark blurts out before he could think.

Cesar's expression immediately becomes guarded. Mark mentally kicks himself but doesn’t try to reword it. Cesar studies him with a sort of calculating look before finally saying something.

“I'm… Cesar,” he says hesitantly. 

“Oh no, I…” Mark scratches the back of his neck. He taught him to do that didn't he? “I meant for real this time. Like you're not human…”

Cesar seems to think really hard about this. He stares at the floor without moving for a few seconds.

“I'm an alternate.” Cesar glances at Mark quickly before looking away. He seems nervous for some reason.

“Well the term ‘alternate’ is what we created for you guys. But you're more than that aren't you?” 

Cesar fidgets. Mark stares at him which seems to make it worse. 

“I guess we're just working for Him…” Cesar still isn't looking at Mark.

“What?” Some icy feeling washes over Mark but strangely, he wants to know more. “You’re-”

“Mark.” Cesar is looking at him now. There's a sort of intensity in his stare. “What do you think I am?” 

Mark freezes. In all honesty, he hasn't thought about it before. In depth at least. What is Cesar? What are alternates? Beings just another step up in the food chain? But they don't really feel like they belong here. It's as if they appeared from a completely different plane. How can he begin to think about what they are?

However, if he tells Cesar this, he has a feeling that it'd upset him.

“I don't know,” Mark says truthfully. “We call you alternates so we can put you in a category we pretend to understand. Otherwise we're in the dark.”

Cesar's gaze wavers slightly. He then sighs and leans back into the couch.

“I'm beginning to not understand myself either,” he says.

Mark closes his notebook. 

“I think I was always like this. Emotions and all, feeling desires for something other than,” Cesar pauses. “Doing my purpose.”

Cesar looks at Mark again.

“But I've never had a reason to disobey until now.” 

Mark opens his mouth and then closes it. He wants to say something but he doesn't find the words. Fortunately, Cesar doesn't seem to expect a response from him because he keeps speaking.

“That day we went to the mall. I learned a lot. Everyone there was extremely different but it suddenly made sense. I could experience everything the same way humans can. It's just I never knew how. I was never taught how.” 

“Until now?” Mark manages to murmur out.

Cesar smiles just slightly. “Until now.”

“Are all alternates like you?” Mark asks.

At that, Cesar makes a face as if he just remembered something. “I don't know. I genuinely don't know. I've been feeling so disconnected from them lately that I forgot about them.”

Mark doesn't ask what that means.

“But I… would like to meet another alternate like me.” 

There's a tense pause. It doesn't last long since Cesar sighs. It sounds defeated.

“No. None of them are as incompetent as me.”

-

“Let’s sleep in the living room tonight,” Mark says as finishes scribbling down as much as he can in his notebook.

Cesar seems confused but doesn’t ask why. “Alright. Should I bring the pillows and blankets here?”

“Sure, that’d be nice.”

A change of scenery puts Mark at ease even if it’s his own living room. Thankfully there’s two couches that are barely long enough for them to sleep on. At least it negates the risk of kicking each other. 

“Do you even need a blanket?” Mark asks Cesar when they’ve laid down. 

“No but it’s comfy,” Cesar responds. 

“Alright.” Mark doesn’t ask how Cesar managed to find a second blanket. The guy probably knows his way around the house better than Mark does. 

Mark looks towards Cesar.

One thing that he gained from spending time with this alternate is endless patience. They don’t talk much before falling asleep. Mark realized that it doesn’t take a lot for Cesar to conk out. So if he stays silent and waits for a few minutes, he’ll be able to hear Cesar’s breathing even out, which means he’s fallen unconscious. But Mark doesn’t get up right away. 

He keeps gazing at Cesar. The way he lies down, the way he doesn’t twitch in his sleep, how quiet he is. Cesar never exactly snored, but rather breathed funny. Mark can tell when the alternate falls asleep but it’s much more subtle. So just to be sure, he waits for about an hour before getting up.

His trek to his room is silent. The floorboards underneath his feet stay quiet for him. The air he breathes in is crisp even though the windows are closed. It feels like he's breathing for the first time. His room welcomes him just like it always does. 

His bed is bare since Cesar took the blanket and pillow. The gun sits near the head of the bed by its lonesome. Mark wonders if Cesar ignored the gun on purpose or if he thought about it. For the entire time, he thought that this entire situation was just an alternate playing with its food but after today's conversation, he isn't sure anymore. 

He's not sure what Cesar will do once he kills himself. Mark picks the gun up and walks towards the window. The moon is bright tonight. It shines down at him like it's looking at him.

Cesar is human. If Mark were to throw him into society, no one would be able to tell that he isn't. He's come a long way. He would be able to survive on his own. 

But that was never Mark's goal. His grip on the gun handle tightens. 

Soft footsteps echo from the hallway behind him. Then the sound of his bedroom door being pushed more open. 

“Mark?” 

Mark doesn't turn around. He was hoping that it wouldn't come down to this but still, he finally tells the truth.

“You're very human, Cesar. Sometimes I forget you're an alternate.”

He's met with silence.

“See? Even though I just complimented you, you know something is wrong.”

Mark turns around and faces Cesar but Cesar isn't looking at him. He's looking at the gun clasped tightly in Mark's hand. 

“Mark,” Cesar repeats, a little more desperation in his voice this time. He takes a step forward.

Mark points the gun at him.

“Don't come any closer.”

Cesar stops in his tracks. Moreso because Mark told him to and not because of the gun. 

“You were different from the beginning,” Mark continues. “I mean, it's not like I've met any other alternates before but we both know your behaviour goes against your nature.”

Cesar continues to stare at Mark with increasing desperation and some confusion now. 

“I gave up, you know? Quite quickly actually. Maybe it was after Sarah's first visit. Maybe even before that. Which is why I almost did this much earlier. But I didn't.”

Mark takes a shaky breath. 

“I didn't because I actually came to like you. You were funny, you had your own personality, we got to know each other. I decided to see it to the end because spending time with you wasn't terrible.”

Many different emotions flicker behind Cesar's eyes and Mark almost laughs at how much they used to scare him. What's standing in front of him right now might even be more human than himself.

Mark smiles. It's finally genuine. “But you're not Cesar.”

The room becomes very still. Cesar, who looked like he had been going through mental gymnastics to figure out what was happening, finally looks Mark straight in the eye. There's a hopeless realization in his gaze. 

“That's what you wanted since the beginning.” Cesar's voice is quiet. It sounds small.

They look at each other for a few seconds. Mark doesn't need to confirm it. They both know it's true.

“You've changed a lot, y'know? I don't think you've done anything strange recently. I think you'd fit in with everyone else perfectly,” Mark comments. 

“I… thank you,” Cesar responds uneasily. 

“You'll do fine without me.”

“Wh-”

“How did you know I was here?” Mark asks.

“I heard you leave,” Cesar says quietly.

“Ha… I knew I should've waited longer.”

Mark knows he can't hesitate on any of his next moves or else Cesar will stop him. 

He brings the gun to his head. For a split second, he sees Cesar's expression change from slight anguish to horror. 

Maybe he made a mad dash towards Mark or maybe even yelled something. He would never know.

Mark pulls the trigger but not before selfishly hoping he'd see the real Cesar again soon.