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“Hi, you!” Anna flung the door open just before the doorbell rang a second time. “Elsa! You made it.” Elsa remembered just in time to hold her breath before one of Anna’s signature bear hugs squeezed the life out of her.
“Not like I haven’t been here a thousand times,” Elsa wheezed. With her feet planted on solid ground again, Anna held her at arm’s length, head cocked. “But yes, I made it.”
“Everything’s set up downstairs.” Anna took Elsa’s overnight pack and led her friend by the hand.
Elsa attempted to break free, a soft, “I know the way,” echoing behind Anna’s swift walk.
“If you didn’t by now, I’d wonder what really went on in that head of yours,” Anna tossed over her shoulder, missing a widening of blue eyes. A second plea seemed out place, destination already reached. Anna placed the pack on the floor next to the bean bag chairs. “Still can’t quite believe you agreed to this.”
“Of course! I’d never say no to a sleepover!” Elsa groused. Anna’s enthusiasm, however, refused to be curbed by Elsa’s stilted sarcasm. “Seriously Anna. We’re in high school. High schoolers don’t do sleepovers. It’s a – a get-together.”
Anna, hands on her hips and stern expression on her face, shook her head. “Elsa, just admit it. It’s a sleepover. You’re here, we’re gonna – well, we aren’t gonna sleep, but you’re staying the night!”
Elsa quirked a single, elegant eyebrow. “We aren’t going to sleep?”
“Uh, duh. You don’t sleep at a sleepover.”
“You don’t?”
“No!” An awkward silence settled as Elsa played with her fingers. “Please don’t tell me that’s why you’ve been going home early all these years,” Anna groaned, putting a hand over her eyes. No answer. “Okay, well, this time we’re gonna do all the cliché sleepover stuff.” She ticked items off on her fingers. “Pillow fights, junk food, movies,” Elsa’s lips quirked as Anna grew increasingly eager, “staying up all night, talking about our crushes–”
“Crushes?” Anna paused in her list making. Elsa had cupped her hands together and found their way over her heart, a classic nervous habit. Anna hid a grin behind a mask of indifference, though not without some difficulty.
“Yep, that’s what I said,” she repeated evenly, as though speaking to a five year old. “Though, it’s not dark out yet, and it’s really best to do that in the wee hours of the morning. If,” Anna winked, “you think you can make it that long.”
Elsa shrugged as if to say ‘You’re the expert’, and folded her arms. Anna decided she’d teased enough.
“You haven’t seen the newest Hunger Games movie, right?” She plucked the DVD from the pile she’d assembled for tonight.
Elsa relaxed. Finally, a topic she could navigate with some sense of normalcy (and without a blush threatening to overtake her features). “I haven’t seen any of them, actually.”
If she hadn’t known Anna as well as she did, the crazed look in her eye would have scared her. “Oh no. We’re fixing that. Right now.”
By the end of the third movie, Elsa had solidified her position against Anna’s side. A simple touch, but greatly appreciated. The way Anna had offered her arm willingly and readily in response to Elsa’s tiny sounds of discomfort had kept a smile on her face, even as people were violently murdered on screen.
Stomaching blood had never been her strong suit, even if it was hilariously theatrical and obviously fake.
“What’d you think?” Anna asked as the credits rolled.
“The books were better.”
Anna snorted. “Aren’t they always?” She heaved herself up from the couch, stepping over the bean bags they’d quashed together for a footrest. Elsa yawned in the darkness of the room, wishing Anna had just left the darn thing to return to the title menu.
“Aw, you can’t be tired yet! It’s only,” she squinted at the clock on the wall. “Only one in the morning.”
“Only?” Elsa stretched. “That’s way past my bedtime.”
“Elsa, you’re a senior. You don’t have a bedtime.”
“Some of us set parameters for ourselves.”
“C’mon Els,” Anna pleaded. “It’s your last year. Let it go – live a little!“
"Oh yes Anna, living it up at a sleepover.” Elsa rolled her eyes. “So on the edge; hashtag ‘seniorlyfe’.”
Anna sauntered back, idly muting the television. “Well, if you really want edgy, I know where my mom hides the liquor.”
“Anna Marie!”
“I was joking Elsa.”
“Honestly–”
“I mean, unless you want to–”
“Anna!”
“Joking!”
A ten second staring contest ended in Anna flopping down next to Elsa with a heavy exhale. They enjoyed a few moments of steady quiet, their eyes adjusting to the dim light.
“So, do you have a crush?”
“Anna, have you actually drank–?”
They blinked, flustered as apologies overlapped just as their questions had and made an embarrassing situation that much worse.
“Um, no, I haven’t,” Anna answered, having recovered first. “I only suggested it because, because…” She laughed nervously, twisting her fingers. “I’d feel safe with you. I know it’s not really your thing to break the rules but, if you wanted…” Anna huffed in frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m not explaining myself very well.”
Elsa felt her heart squeeze in her chest, and she chucked under Anna’s chin with a gentle finger. “I get it,” she promised, moving to wrap her arm around Anna’s shoulders and draw her closer. “And I’d be willing to try with you–” Anna’s eyes opened and she looked at Elsa with a wide, surprised gaze, “another time. When we’re both older.” She smirked and tapped Anna’s nose, “Maybe when one of us is actually of age.”
“Careful,” Anna grinned. “I might hold you to it.”
Elsa smiled warmly. “I’d like that.”
She felt Anna laugh as she wriggled herself into a more comfortable position, head on Elsa’s shoulder. “So?”
“So what?” If Anna was one thing she was perceptive, and Elsa couldn’t help but feel she’d revealed her hand in some manner or another just by speaking.
“So, do you have a crush on anyone?”
Still, Elsa attempted to claim ignorance. “I suppose that depends on what you mean by crush.”
“You know exactly what I mean.” Anna eyed what she could up and down. “The longer you dilly-dally the more convinced I am that you have one.”
Elsa scoffed. “That’s–! I mean c’mon, this is– Will you stop smiling? You’re freaking me out.”
“That bad huh?” Anna’s grin only widened when Elsa couldn’t meet her eyes. “I’m guessing you haven’t told them yet?” Elsa kept her mouth shut, eyes firmly in her lap. “C’mon,” Anna cajoled, lightly punching her shoulder. “Tell me about her.”
Normally Elsa might have deflected the question back, get Anna just as flustered and a bit more willing to drop the topic, but she wasn’t sure she could handle hearing about Anna’s myriad of crushes. “Well,” Elsa started, before furrowing her brow and pausing. “Wait, her? Why do you assume this supposed crush of mine,” she emphasized, getting the maximum use out of her air quotes, “is a her?”
Anna groaned and threw her arm over her face dramatically. “Alright, alright,” She sat up and her arm fell to poke Elsa in the side, “Hypothetically, if you were to have a crush and be a raging lesbian – which, by the way, your best friend since third grade would totally be aware of and absolutely okay with – what would she be like?”
“Technically I was in fifth grade when we met,” Elsa mumbled, unable to keep from smiling at Anna’s exasperated ‘Details!’ Elsa was suddenly self-conscious. “Was it really that obvious?”
Anna opened her mouth and took an expository inhale, only to close it after a moment’s thought. “Honestly, no. I just know you better than you think.” Elsa was eternally grateful Anna took that moment to look away in embarrassment. The heat in her cheeks was practically volcanic, and Elsa had no doubt that even in the dark Anna would have picked up on the glow in a heartbeat.
“Oh.” Fiddling with her own fingers, Elsa timidly picked at the threads of her answer. “She’s… “ Amazing? Wonderful? Beautiful? Kind? Extraordinary? “I mean…”
Anna cracked a grin and nudged Elsa with an elbow. “She must be something if she has you of all people rendered speechless.”
Elsa pushed back, sticking out her tongue and wiping her suddenly sweaty palms on her legs. “Says the one whose nickname is Jabberjaw.” To Elsa’s surprise, instead of bantering back, Anna blushed and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.
“I just meant, like, you’re usually great at being all concise and stuff. So if you’re having trouble describing her, she’s gotta be like, mind-blowingly sexy.” That startled a breathy laugh out of Elsa, and Anna joined in.
“Yes, well,” Elsa mused, tapping her lips after a beat, “she is.” Turning to Anna with a sheepish grin, Elsa added, “She is mind-blowingly sexy, I mean.”
Anna whistled quietly. “Whoa Elsa. You should see yourself. You look,” she shuffled through a few words, “soft. Do I know her?” She asked quickly, catching the tail end of Elsa’s momentary uncertainty of whether ‘soft’ was good or bad.
“Uh. You… I can say quite definitively that you’ve seen her before.”
“You’re word padding again,” Anna teased, laying a comforting hand against Elsa’s back. “You don’t have to tell me who she is. But I just know you’re bursting to gush about her.”
Or keep it locked away forever.
Elsa made an effort to un-knit her brow. Realistically she knew she couldn’t keep her feelings hidden, and it was getting hard not to talk about her.
Scooting so they were side by side on the couch –Elsa cross legged in the corner, Anna mirroring in the middle, both sitting so they faced one another– Elsa cupped her hands together, resigning and collecting herself.
Anna leaned forward in anticipation when Elsa took a breath.
“She’s… everything. She’s smart, warm, kind; she cares about people, she’s selfless, fearless, strong. And, I mean strong, like, physically. Jesus,” Elsa scratched her head, feeling her blush come back. “Her in the gym – god, it’s just not fair.” She stopped herself, coughing nervously. “But strong the other way too. Strong of heart. She doesn’t give up on people, whether she’s known them for five minutes or five years. When she meets adversaries she just keeps going. I don’t think anything could ever get her down.
“She’s brilliant, too, even if she doesn’t get the best of grades. She’s peoplesmart, in precisely the way I’m not. She’s the kind of person who knows you’re having a bad day without you saying a word, and somehow has a spare dollar for that chocolate chip cookie that will make everything better. She’s enthusiastic, when she’s focused she’s just…” Elsa tried to think of a word that would encapsulate all the magnitude of emotions she felt when her crush was in a world of her own. “Beautiful,” she finished quietly, the word escaping with a satisfied dip of her shoulders.
Here Elsa chanced a glance over at Anna, and she saw that the proud smile that had adorned her lips as she’d listened didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m surprised this is the first time I’m hearing about her.” Her chuckle was dry and sharp enough to make Elsa’s already fleeting peace dissipate with a flinch. “She sounds like she’s important to you.”
“She is.” Guilt churned in Elsa’s belly and made her gaze skirt away from Anna again. “But it’s been… difficult, to accept my feelings for her.”
She nearly jumped when Anna grasped her hands and squeezed them reassuringly. “Elsa, no matter what anybody says, love is love and–”
“Whoa whoa there, easy,” Elsa jibbed. “No need for the whole LGBT ally speech.”
Anna cocked her head. “Ally?”
“You know, ally.” Elsa offered unhelpfully. Anna pursed her lips. “It’s– look it doesn’t matter.” Now wasn’t exactly the time to get into Advocate 101. “But, thank you,” she said, soft and sincere, “I appreciate it.”
“Well,” Anna bit her lip and looked away, “of course.” She extricated her hands, only to place them squarely in her lap. Not exactly what Elsa had wanted, not even arguably better. “Sooo,” Anna continued, her fidgeting drawing Elsa’s attention away from the wall she’d reflexively been staring at. “Why don’t you tell her?”
Elsa balked. “Tell her?” Anna only nodded. “How could I?”
“How could you not?” Anna gushed, suddenly in Elsa’s space again before she could even blink. “You’re obviously way, way into her. Doesn’t she deserve to know?”
“Deserve to–” Elsa shook her head. “To know what exactly? That some closeted, socially inept, egg-headed introvert who devotes all over her time to studies and doesn’t even know that you’re not supposed to sleep at a sleepover secretly pines after her? And that too-bad-so-sad she’s graduating in a few months so goodbye to long a term relationship?” Elsa closed her eyes. “Forget it, I’m not worth it. She’s straight anyway.”
She hated that it came out bitter.
“What?” The word came out as almost a screech, and Anna looked so aghast that Elsa had to mentally run over what she said to double check that she hadn’t mentioned kicking puppies. “Elsa, what? What are you even talking about?” Anna’s expression turned hard, brows furrowing as her hands gripped Elsa’s shoulders tightly. “How can you possibly say that about yourself? Elsa, she’d have to be out of her mind not to short of leap after the chance at dating you.” Elsa’s mouth hung open. “I mean, look at you,” Anna gestured to all of her with great emphasis.“You’re– You’re you! You’re smart and funny and caring and gentle and, heck Elsa you’re freakin’ gorgeous. I’ve seen you on the field playing soccer; you’re not team captain for nothing. You’re a natural born leader and people always listen to what you have to say. You’re patient and supportive, even if it’s quietly, and there’s something to be said for that. And so what if you’re a brainiac? I can’t tell you how many new and interesting things I’ve learned from you. Like, who cares about algebra when I could learn the hows and whys of bridge building from someone who’s clearly interested in it? Also, you’re totally not ‘socially inept’. You just have a harder time clicking with people – but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The people you’re closest to are picked personally, tried and tested best friends that are there for you thick and thin. Like moi.” She winked. “Jeez, who wouldn’t want you as a beautiful, talented,devoted, girlfriend?” Anna snorted. “If anything, it’s her that doesn’t deserve you.”
Elsa’s cheeks burned and she stared into her lap, head buzzing with Anna’s praise. “Did you miss the part where she’s straight?”
Humming skeptically, Anna nudged Elsa’s shoulder with her knuckles. “Do youreally know that, or are you just assuming the worst?”
“She’s into guys,” Elsa blurted. “I’ve seen her kiss them, and stuff.”
“Um, hello, what do you think the ‘B’ in LGBT stands for?” Anna folded her arms while Elsa fumbled for a response. “Just because you’ve never seen her kiss a girl, doesn’t mean she hasn’t. Or doesn’t want to. Hell, I’ve never kissed a girl before but it doesn’t take experience to know I find some girls super attractive.”
“You… do?”
“I do,” Anna said, grinning. “And who can blame me? Have you seen girls?”
“Yes,” Elsa replied evenly, giving Anna a once over. Perhaps she’d had her pegged wrong. “Obviously.”
Anna blushed. “Um, right. That’s… that’s kinda what we’re talking about.” She cleared her throat. “I still think you should tell her.”
“I don’t know Anna,” Elsa groaned.
“Do you have her number?” Anna’s eyebrow shot up when Elsa hesitated. “You got her number and you didn’t tell her? Have you not watched any chick flicks?” Elsa’s blank expression was answer enough. Anna covered her face with her hands. “What am I going to do with you?”
“It was for a project,” Elsa mumbled, eyes flickering shiftily. “It’s not like I used a pick up line or anything.”
“Did you?” Anna said after a spell, catching the waver in Elsa’s last word.
“No!” Elsa flushed beet red.
“But would you though?” Anna smirked. If Elsa was a secret flirter Anna would eat her shoe. Or something equally ridiculous.
“Only if there was no other way,” Elsa retorted. “And if I was being paid. Handsomely at that.”
“Done, I’ll owe you five bucks. What would you say?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Ten.”
“Anna I’m not taking your money.” Elsa sighed. “Besides, I don’t know any.”
“What about something nerdy?” Anna thought a moment. ”Something like, ‘Baby, I hope I’m not being obtuse, but you’re acute girl.’”
“Oh my god,” Elsa buried her head in secondhand shame. “That’s horrible.”
“Ooh, ooh, how about, ‘Are you the square root of negative one? Because you can’t be real.’”
“Where are you getting these?”
“My big, awesome brain,” Anna replied, tapping her forehead triumphantly. When Elsa didn’t look convinced she amended, “The internet.”
“Why were you looking up pick up lines?”
Anna shrugged. “No reason.” Elsa didn’t seem to buy that either, but Anna wasn’t going to give her the chance to ask questions. “Quit trying to change the subject! You have her number, plus you like her, plus it’s past two in the morning. All of that adds up to the perfect opportunity to tell her you like her!”
“I’m not sure that’s proper math,” Elsa grumbled. Anna waved her hand dismissively. “Also calling people after ten, much less at two, is a little rude isn’t it?”
“Elsa, she’s a high schooler. It’s technically saturday. I guarantee you that she’s awake.”
Elsa realized with some finality that Anna wasn’t going to let her off the hook. She looked for courage on the floor, the ceiling, and between her own hands, only to find none and come right back to Anna.
“Come on, Elsa,” Anna said quietly, resting a hand on her friend’s shoulder and squeezing it lightly.
“I really don’t know, Anna. Everything she is… is perfect.” Elsa squeezed her eyes shut. “Do you– Have you ever met someone that, just by being around them, made you want to be a better person?”
“Well, yeah,” Anna said as she got up and walked over to where their phones were charging, “It’s you.”
When she turned back around and saw Elsa staring at her, mouth slightly parted, Anna held her phone to her chest and tilted her head.
“Erm. Earth to Elsa? You okay there, champ?” Elsa couldn’t respond. “Here,” Anna handed Elsa her phone. “You’re going to call her and tell her that you like her. I’ll be right upstairs. Text me when you’re done.”
Anna tapped the edge of Elsa’s phone meaningfully before leaving her alone. Elsa had still seemed a bit shell shocked, but she’d get over it. Creeping up the stairs, Anna lingered at the top, telling herself it wasn’t eavesdropping if it was on accident. Besides, she reasoned, she couldn’t just open the basement door. What if her parents woke up? Better to sit and wait.
She listened to the silence. The couch creaked a few times but there certainly weren’t any nails hitting clear plastic touch screens or dial tones. After a long minute passed, Anna thought about calling down some words of encouragement, but she didn’t want to psych Elsa out – or to reveal that she was listening in.
A loud, beleaguered sigh rang out from below, and Anna covered her mouth to keep from giggling. “Okay.” Elsa sounded terrified, and Anna felt a little guilty for pushing her into doing this. “Okay.”
This time there were taps and the distant buzz of the connecting tone before Elsa put the phone to her ear. Anna leaned forward in anticipation, straining her ears, her mind racing–
And then her phone buzzed.
Anna swallowed a frustrated scream, swiping to answer, eyes still trained on the stairs, not wanting to miss any of Elsa’s conversation with her crush. “Hi, yeah, I’m kinda in the middle of something,” she rushed out, in a low, harsh whisper, “so can I just call you–”
“Um.” A tentative, distorted voice cut her off. “Hi.”
Recognition drained the strength from her body. Comprehension catapulted her heart to the clouds, bursting with such happiness her throat locked up. She shot from her perch and stumbled down the stairs two at a time, crashing into the wall and somehow managing to keep her phone and ribs intact. Elsa stared at her in shock, looking about a heartbeat away from vaulting over the couch.
“H-Hi, me?” Anna spoke so softly that she could barely hear herself. “Me?”
A brilliant smile split Elsa’s face and her shoulders slumped forward in relief. “Yeah,” Elsa said, equally soft, echoing a millisecond later in Anna’s ear. “Hi, you.”