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Crosshair found Li'ora in Phee's house. Since Phee was often away, she had left her house at her friend's disposal. A good compromise, knowing that Li'ora's garage no longer existed following a raid by the Empire.
His right hand had not stopped shaking since their conversation the day before.
Their discussion was looping in his head like a holofilm. A part of him wanted to flee what awaited him. But he had too much respect for the young woman to let her down. Even if it was a one-on-one that he dreaded more than anything. Perhaps more than during his conversation with Hunter on Devton.
Crosshair massaged his feverish hand and jumped when he felt a wet nose push his palm. He knew even before seeing her that it was Batcher who had followed him here, her twisted tail whipping the air impatiently. He knelt down, stroking the blue fur on the Lurca’s back.
“Let me guess,” the sniper sighed, feeling a faint smile tug at the corner of his mouth. “You hope to play with Kiki?”
The Lurca barked in agreement, her large red eyes watching him expectantly. She stamped her feet in excitement. He shook his head gently, letting the smile he’d been holding back show. Batcher’s presence soothed him more than he cared to admit.
A door opened behind him.
His heart skipped a beat when he saw Li’ora standing in the doorway.
They stared at each other in an awkward silence that was quickly broken by Batcher’s explosive joy. Lio caught the canine, holding both of her paws in her hands as she laughed heartily under the Lurca’s slobbering assaults.
"Glad to see you too, Batcher", laughed the young woman, making a dimple appear on her left cheek and gently pushed the Lurca to the side. "And glad to see you too, Crosshair", she added even more gently.
Lio's wide smile diminished slightly, her apparent joy mixing with apprehension and making her dimple disappear. She too dreaded this conversation. Dreaded his answer.
She wanted him. And that terrified Crosshair.
Because he wanted it too.
By the stars, he wanted to be with her.
But he didn't know how... Not after everything he had done.
Kiki slipped between Li'ora's legs, rubbing himself happily against her calf before doing the same on Batcher's chin. The lurca froze, its tail beating the air faster and faster. There was a time when this Loth-cat would have jumped at the throat of the first person who came along. Now, he was always hanging out with the canine.
"Do you want to go inside?" Li'ora suggested, massaging her elbow. " I still have some of this morning's caf."
Crosshair nodded in response. He followed the young woman, closing the door behind him. He just had time to see Kiki dash over the outside wall followed by an overexcited Batcher who was able to play. Phee's house was not very big, - like most houses in Pabu - but it was pleasantly furnished. Various hand-woven rugs in various colors were scattered on the light floor. The cupboards were overflowing with objects of all kinds and the walls were decorated with paintings and shelves, also covered with objects or trophies that the pirate had certainly stolen during her many travels.
A rough wooden table stood right next to the kitchen, which matched the spherical shape of the building. Four chairs surrounded it, one of which was placed crooked. No doubt the one on which the young woman had sat.
The setting sun poured abundantly through the round windows and the bay window overlooking the back terrace. The breeze passing through one of the open windows carried the ocean spray and the sweet scent of the red flowers that each resident grew on their balconies. But he also detected the subtle scent of Li'ora.
That fruity and gourmet scent that deliciously twisted his insides when he had the opportunity to smell it. He stopped himself from closing his eyes to inhale it more deeply.
Li'ora took a cup out of the cupboard and filled it with still-hot caf from the thermos. She handed him the cup, which he accepted with both hands. He didn't want his bad hand to make him drop the cup.
"You don't have any?" He asked, nodding toward the thermos of caf.
Lio's short eyebrows rose before furrowing slightly as a tight smile curved her lip.
"No, I've had enough for a week," she joked.
She leaned against the kitchen counter, crossing her arms over her chest. She was barefoot, and wore her usual faded gray jeans and a cream-colored tank top that showed off her bare arms covered in brown ink tattoos. Her red hair was pulled back in a half bun, leaving the rest of her hair cascading down her back.
"So... You've been thinking about it..." she began softly.
"Yes," Crosshair replied, looking at his reflection in the caf shop. "I..."
He swallowed, his mouth going dry. His right hand suddenly shook much harder and he had to set the cup of coffee down on the table to keep from spilling it. Crosshair closed his other hand over it. He sighed, leaning his thigh on the edge of the table.
“You deserve better than me,” he admitted, finally deciding to meet her gaze. “I’m not sure I can give you what you want. What I did when I was in the Empire... (he shook his head, chasing away the memories that assailed him) I’m not proud of it. I don’t want you to be associated with that if one day I were to come across those people again. The atrocities I committed...
“I already know about all that, Cross,” she said softly. “And that didn’t stop me from falling in love with you and accepting you.”
Those words broke his heart. Hearing her say that out loud... He couldn’t hide the tremolo in his voice.
“I’m not the one for you.”
Lio’s gaze fixed on an invisible point.
“Do you know what I was years ago?” she asked him, her voice almost a whisper.
“A thief on Corelia…” Crosshair replied. “A driver in illegal races… But you were a child.”
“And you were brainwashed and lost,” she retorted in the same tone, staring into his eyes. “I knew what I was doing was wrong, Crosshair. I destroyed lives. People lost their homes because of me. Some, I’m sure, died because I didn’t have the courage to stand up to my family. All those lines on my forearm,” she said, pointing to the tattoos encircling her forearm, “are the people I scammed for them. I’ve forgotten the names of some of them, but their faces still haunt me. I don’t want to forget the harm I’ve done.”
"Li'ora, you were just a child, you were following-"
"Orders?" She finished for him with a pale, joyless smile.
Although he saw the irony of the situation, Crosshair's heart clenched in his chest and the words died on his tongue. Li'ora stepped closer to him, her clear eyes searching his, haunted by hope.
"I'm not the one for you," he whispered as his heart was in agony. "I..."
I'm broken. You deserve better. So much better.
Gently, Lio took his hand and captured his gaze.
"You're everything I've ever wanted in this galaxy, Cross'... You're loyal. Faithful... You're so, so much more than you think... And I'm not perfect either. You deserve someone with fewer regrets. Someone better. But I'm too selfish for that. I want you for myself. I don't want to regret you. I don't want to regret us. Even if the future is uncertain with the Empire, I don't want to miss out on this."
She pointed to her hand clasped in his, smaller and covered in scars. Her other hand caressed his rough cheek. He leaned down, resting his forehead against Li'ora's, exhaling a trembling sigh. He felt the young woman's warm breath brush his lips, like a call to succumb to temptation.
How could he refuse this?
"You might regret it", he joked. "I'm the worst".
"I can handle that", she smiled, pulling him closer.
She let go his hand, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. His whole body froze before relaxing against her. Awkwardly, he returned her embrace, burying his face at the base of her neck. He savored her scent, the warmth of her body and her curves pressed against him. It was rare that Crosshair felt so good with someone outside of his brothers and sister.
But with Lio, it was... different.
More exhilarating. More frightening. He knew that by accepting this relationship, he was giving her total access to what he was. To his heart. To his soul. To his torments.
But he also knew that in return, Li'ora would return the favor. She had shown him her devotion, her love for him, time and time again. It was still inconceivable to him that the young woman would share his feelings.
Lio pulled away from him, leaving one hand on his cheek, the other on his chest.
"I see you, Crosshair."
"I know", he finally said after a few silent seconds.
Those three words, she had already told him several times in the past. It had taken him a while to fully understand them. It had been her way of telling him that she loved him. That she was there for him. His heart swelled in his chest. Lio had told him barely three weeks after they met. There was little chance that she was already in love with him at that point.
"Can I kiss you?"
Her request took him completely by surprise. Crosshair could only nod stiffly, unable to think straight.
Lio smiled slightly, softening her gaze and rose to meet him. His blood roared in his ears to the rhythm of his heartbeat. If she had said something to him, there was a good chance that he would not have heard it. His eyes closed automatically as Lio's lips rested... at the corner of his mouth.
The simple touch was like an electric shock. A rush of pure joy and gratitude.
He opened his eyes again. He knew that at this moment those eyes must be practically black with emotion, but he didn't care.
"You call that kissing?"
Lio raised her eyebrow, a mischievous glint in her gaze as her lip curved upwards.
"You stopped breathing," she teased him. (She let her hand fall back against Crosshair's chest, letting herself go against him.) "I didn't want it to be too much for you all at once."
He let out a small grunt of protest.
"Nonsense."
"Are you sure?" She purred, bringing her face closer to his.
Again, it was as if his brain short-circuited and the world around him had ceased to exist only to focus on Li'ora's mouth. A small laugh shook the young woman.
"See? You're doing it again."
" Hn. You're provoking me..."
"A little", she admitted, her smile softening. "I want to go at your pace."
Crosshair stroked Lio's marked waist with his thumb, lingering thoughtfully on the scar adorning his upper lip. He was curious to know how soft they would be and how it would feel, but she was right. He wasn't sure he could have taken it all in one night.
"Thank you, Lio."
She gave him a tender smile without showing her teeth, and rested her head against his chest. He closed his arms around her and rested his chin on her skull. This novelty was frightening, but he had never felt so good in his entire life.